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age
36-40,
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writes: I am 20 and I Have been going out with this boy for about 7months now and tonight he has really upset me again. The thing with him is, he's either really sweet OR he is sarcastic, makes snide comments about me and says anything he can to put me down. Its always one of the two extrememes, never just somewhere in the middle. An example of something he'll say is 'come here fat arse and give me a hug' or 'you can go have sex with whoever u want, its not like your having sex with me' which he particularly knows annoys me as he knows my previous partner of 6years cheated on me and also knows i have only been intimate with two people including him. Thing is i do really like him alot, and when he's in his sweet mood i couldnt possibly be any happier but when he's in the other end of the spectrum he makes me feel about an inch tall and like im worthless. I have tried just laughing things off cause he says that hes joking about the sarcastic things he says, but its got to the point where i cant laugh anymore. I have told him that what he says upsets me, and he'll apologise and say that he didnt realise id taken things to heart and that he was just joking but i really dont know what else to do. It would be a shame to break up with him cause when he makes me happy im on top of the world, but i do wonder if i should be waiting for a time when he's in that sweet mood and puttin up with his behavious all the times hes not. When some of his friends hear the stuff he says to me, they tell him he's bein really harsh but he doesnt seem to care, its not even as if hes doing it to show off to his friends cause he'll act sarcastic and rude when its just me and him. Im really stuck about what to do as i do like him alot. Any advice would be much appreciated!! Thanks! x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): I think you should either dump him or give him what he wants...SEX
A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (16 November 2007):
 Shaim man, really tough situation.
Look - i can totally relate, because my bf has a very strange sense of humor, and mine, is almost NON existant.
My bf does the same to me, and we've been going now for a year and a half. The only reason it has lasted this long, is because i've not only asked him nicely to stop making those jokes, i've TOLD him to stop, and i've called him on some of them.
So - maybe you should try - even if it is not in your personality. Be sarcastic right back to him, and see if he likes it, because he probably won't. If he says something like: you can go have sex with whoever u want, its not like your having sex with me" - YOUR REPLY could be something like, "and as long as you have that attitude with me, that is exactly the way it will stay"
or when he says something like: come here fat arse and give me a hug' - YOUR REPLY could be something like, "why don't you pick up your lazy arse and come over here?"
I know this is not in your personality (and neither is it in mine), but i've found that when i call my bf on his sarcastic JOKES, he gets upset, and then i have the opportunity to explain, that I was only JOKING. More often than not, i would need to explain even more, and say, well, I don't like your JOKES, and they are NOT funny to me, and now that you know how it FEELS, can you please pipe it down a bit.
Anyway. You are right in saying that it would be a shaim to call it quits, so try and work something out.
Good luck - let me know how it goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): Well, it is entirely up to you whether you stay with him or not, knowone else can make that choice for you.
If you decide to continue though you need to speak to him again and tell him how he makes you feel. My fear is that if you let it go on without saying anything, your self esteem and self worth will reduce to the level that he is making you feel - which is the perfect receipe for disaster.
Why settle for someone that makes you feel good just some of the time when you could go and find someone that will worship the ground you walk on and make you feel good all of the time?
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