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Is beauty a blessing or a curse?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 December 2011) 12 Answers - (Newest, 21 December 2011)
A male United States age 36-40, *AINORFIRE writes:

Do extremely attractive people have a more difficult time maintaining a relationship?

With all their options and the multitudes drooling over them does it make it more difficult for beautiful people to stay in a relationship.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (21 December 2011):

chigirl agony auntPersonality is a huge factor into whether a person is beautiful or not. If the person is nice they can maintain relationships, if the person is horrible they will not maintain healthy relationships, regardless of looks.

Looks is over-rated, looks really do not matter as much as you appear to think it does. Just because a person gets drooled over does not mean that person has many "opportunities" as such. I think of myself as a pretty woman, and I do get attention, and could probably land a boyfriend within a month, easy as pie. However that doesn't mean squat. Plenty of people, ugly or bad looking, can go out and get laid for example. Just because you can get attention, or sex, doesn't mean the person you meet, or get attention from, is someone you can actually have a relationship with. Pretty people struggle like less attractive people struggle with finding someone who they get along with and have the right chemistry with.

Attention from tons of people does not equal chemistry, or mutual attraction, or anything to build a relationship on. It's who you are that matters.

And yes, personality does shine through a persons appearance. If they are an ugly person they will not come off well to others, even if they look good in a picture.

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A female reader, xAx United Kingdom +, writes (21 December 2011):

xAx agony auntin my opinion, good looks only attract people. good looks are just a bonus. and to be honest, a good personality is also a bonus. I know many good looking people who are very boring and I also know ugly people who have the best personalities. there are shallow people who don't care about personality and just go for looks. it really does depend on the person. finding someone with looks and personality is the hardest, but once you find that person, hold on tight before someone else gets them! :p

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (21 December 2011):

I think beautiful people have an easier time getting into a relationship as they have a wider pool to fish in. Maintaining a relationship however has little to do with looks in the end. Beauty is nice but after a while there needs to be more than that to keep things interesting.

That said, I think a beautiful looking person with a nice personality has it easier maintaining a relationship than someone with the same nice personality who isn't as pretty. Basically being beautiful is a huge plus for as long as it lasts.

People say beauty is in the eye of the beholder and though this is true to some regard, there are basics to what we humans prefer. People with mostly symmetrical facial structure, blemish free skin, good teeth, healthy, (at least somewhat) athletic bodies are generally perceived to be more good looking than those that do not have these attributes.

There are also people that say that beauty can be a curse but honestly it's only beautiful people that think so. They wouldn't switch lives with an acid burn victim to relieve them from their 'burden'.

As for drooling, sure if a person is very good looking they will have more people who will make themselves available to them. But if a relationship is good and he/she loves their significant other, it should not be a problem. People who fall for these temptations anyway would have fallen for them even if they hadn't been as good looking.

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (21 December 2011):

celtic_tiger agony auntAs someone who isn't the prettiest woman on the planet, I have to say that yes, a certain level of attractiveness makes relationships easier to start, as people notice you more and are more open to getting to know you. However, maintaining the relationship needs an attractive personality.

Being plain, you have to work very hard to be noticed and make your personality shine through to make up for the lack of beauty. Looks get you noticed, personality keeps you there. Sadly, if you are not even given a look in, often it is very difficult to show how amazing you are a person purely based on your looks. People do not see beneath the exterior.

I have been on the recieving end of many men who love me for my personality but who refuse to have a relationship with me because I am not pretty enough. There are others who don't even give me the time of day because of the way I look. They would rather not be seen with the plain redhead when they can have the pretty blonde.

I do feel this is more of a female issue though, as men are able to date beautiful women, even if they are not the best looking themselves, but a beautiful man will only date a beautiful woman.

Plain women lose out all ways round. I guess it is about perspective and personal choice. What is important to the individual, looks or personality?

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A male reader, LovelessAct1 United States +, writes (21 December 2011):

Physical beauty has only been a blessing to me. It makes single life wonderful as you often get women wanting to buy your drinks and giving you attention at bars/clubs. It makes relationships fun as having your partner being very physically attracted to you is a great confidence boost and helps put energy into bedroom.

But it also depends on the person. When I'm in a committed relationship, my eyes are only on my girlfriend. It doesn't matter if I continue to get attention from other girls; I only care about the one I've chosen to be with. Some guys/girls are probably different and enjoy the attention so much that it distracts them from what they have in front of them.

Overall, I'd assess that it comes down to the individual. People will handle attention in different ways; make sure you know what kind of person you're with before you get too involved with them; you want to make sure he/she is just as committed as you are.

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A female reader, Crazykatee United Kingdom +, writes (21 December 2011):

Im gona sound like a big head now but im gona b honest, ive bin with 2-4 guys that have only bin with me cuz of my looks and my figure, they liked the fact that blokes thort i was hot, however, i dont look at myself how blokes do, ive bin told that im bitchy cuz im pretty and cn get away with it!!! Men use girls like me to make them look good, im 21, im 5ft 3, im size 8, got a naturally tan, blue eyes, dark long hair, im not a blonde girl even tho i sound blonde lol, i get lads hittin on me for my looks all the time, the lad ive bin seein for a few weeks is with me cuz he nos me, the real me, not cuz of wat i look like, he tells me im beauitful on the inside, so yes its a blessin and a curse!! Thts my view, which is based on my life as ive sin both sides of this x

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A female reader, PerhapsNot United States +, writes (21 December 2011):

PerhapsNot agony auntNow this is a fun question! Extremely beautiful people are the minority and if they don't have some twisted self-esteem issue, they know this. The way is plays out in the real world is the following: they know they have several men lined up at any given point, so they're more selective when it comes to their mates. I mean, wouldn't you be more selective if you had an array of women to choose from? Likewise, if they're in a relationship where they're not happy, they know if they exit, they will have plenty of men ready to date them. Like I said, if they don't have some low self-esteem, they won't think: gee, I can't leave him, I'll never find another man/better man. They know they can. Treat them well (as anyone else) and they won't see a reason to leave.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011):

If I were extremely beautiful, for me that would be a curse because that would bring so much unwanted attention. So, I am grateful for being average looking.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (21 December 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt It's a fallacy. It assumes that if you are beautiful and lots of people drool over you, their drooling may affect you. Not necessarily so. You can be indifferent to all this drooling, or even annoyed or repulsed by it. Whether it be because also a very attractive person can have moral standards and loyalty just like everybody else, whether it be because also beautiful people can fall crazily in love and only have eyes for their partners same as less physically fortunate people, whether it be that as a beautiful girl or boy you'd want at least to be drooled over by your exact match or better, and feel contempt and pity for all the drooling Average Joes or Plain Janes, the most probable answer to this sea of saliva is a shrug and a : let them drool.

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (21 December 2011):

Odds agony auntI've seen men dating very attractive women get upset and insecure when other men hit on her. Sometimes, he's just being paranoid; sometimes, she's deliberately messing with him. I'd call beauty a curse in the former case, but even then there are the complicating factors of someone else's insecurities. Further complicating things for women is just how catty they can be towards more attractive women.

Never seen or heard a guy complain about being too attractive for his own good, nor experienced it for myself (unless I'm actually just way more attractive than I think, and completely oblivious - kind of a nice thought). Maybe it doesn't happen, or maybe we just don't care enough for it to be a problem.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011):

I think they have/face the same trials and tribulations as anyone else.

I do think there is a prejudice for them though. Beautiful people are not necessarily seen as Intelligent. And if a woman is stern and stands her ground, she is seen as a b*tch, especially if she is beautiful.

Men are seen as jerks if they are strict in their beleifs. Yet an average man would be considered a man of great restraint, remarkable even.

I always found this odd. Its an observation and with any observation, there will be instances that will negate this observation.

I always got, why is someone so attractive as you on a date site? Something must be wrong with you. :P

Not as much as the next person I suppose. I've been married, divorced. Yet my issue is not necessarily my looks but has to do with my lifestyle and standards.

I used to get told a lot that finding a man that Does not drink, does not smoke, does not do drugs, does not have a criminal record, does not NEED or rely on pornography, does not gamble, and has a belief in a higher power as I have WAY too high standards and GOOD LUCK trying to find Mr Perfect.

Its not perfect, its a health lifestyle as well a moral belief system I live daily. I am the same so I seek the same. Suffice it to say, I have dated many good men that fit the bill but in the long run, we do not have the same goal of marriage and family or I have been mislead on the beilef in a higher power or health lifestyle.

Never understood the reason people would lie is because they think if the meet a few, they have a chance and want the chance. Maybe in a job situation, but not with me.

I do encounter more unkind women towards me most likely due to my looks. Nothing I can do about that though, other than just smile and wish them a good one. ;) Pisses them off more though.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011):

I don't think it's anything to do with the outer appearance of a person. It's more to do with the person themselves - their personality, traits, how they deal with things.

I don't think it's fair to say a relationship works just because the person's 'beautiful'. Nor is it fair to say a relationship failed just because the person was 'beautiful'.

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