A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Five years ago I met this girl we became best friends and I was crazy about her, a year into our friendship I got really drunk and told her I loved her, but I didn't remember until some one told me about it six months later (I got rejected obviously) by this time she had a boy friend who she was crazy about and there was nothing to do other than try and move on, we became closer friends, I helped her with all her boyfriend problems ext. A year and a half later she asked me on msn “should I be with the guy I love who treats me like shit, or the guy I like who's always there for me”(I did make sure it was me)What I was going to say: You love him for a reasonWhat I wanted to say: the guy you like has always been crazy about you and would be the best thing that ever happened to you.What I actually said: …three months later, we graduated. She had dumped her boyfriend and moved to another cityIts been three years and over that time, she's now engaged to the father of her beautiful year and a half year old daughter (the only kid I actually like (and I'm a man who hates kids)) and I've had a girl friend for a a bit over two years, and we broke up a two months ago, but I'm not sad at all, I just keep thinking of “my best friend” we hardly talk any more but I still think about her every day and I'm just as in love with her as I've always been.My question is, she's coming to visit me in September and I want to know weather or not to tell her that I still love her. And if I do what should I say?I want to say that I'm happy for her, and that I'm so proud of her for all she's done, but I don't want to ruin what she has with her finance, and I want to say if she cant be with me I don't want to ever see her again, not being selfish just that I cant have a romantic relationship with any one else all I think about is her. I don't think there's anything I wouldn't do for her.
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male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 I think it would not make sense to tell her now if you have never told her before. She has a child, she has a fiance, she lives far away...it would serve no purpose.
I must say that I do think it would be a good idea for her to come and visit you. It is going to stir up a lot of emotion for you which will just lead to frustration. You both hardly speak now; perhaps you should keep it that way.
(P.S. Given your experience I would be interested to hear what you had to say in response to an article I wrote on male/female best friends! You can find it in the articles section. Thanks!)
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (10 March 2011):
 She's engaged. I don't think it would be appropriate for you to tell her you still love her. That window of opportunity has long since passed, and it could be very upsetting as well as unsettling for her were you to say anything.
The ONLY possible (and I do mean "ONLY") remote chance would be if she were to say that she has serious doubts about marrying her fiance and wants to ask your advice. EVEN THEN you can't express your love for her. You would have to tell her she has to sort it out for herself, and that she has your support in doing so. BUT this is a long shot. She is probably happy in her current relationship, and all you can do is to be be happy for her and wish her well.
Right off hand, it sounds as though she has already had two previous boyfriends who didn't work out - the first one and then the second one about whom she asked you if she should dump him. Neither of those led to a bf-gf relationship between the two of you; to her you were a very good friend....doesn't sound too promising, sorry to say.
If you really feel - and you do - that you don't want to see her ever again if you cannot have a romantic relationship, then you'll just have to move on, because this is obviously too painful for you.
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