A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i went out with my boyfriend 2 years ago, then we got back together last year, its great because although we hadn't seen each other in the two years we were apart, we just got the spark straight back and it was like we hadn't even seperated.i'm 17 and he's 19, we are living together and have a perfect realitionship.but i have already quit college once for him. but now i can re-do college next month and do the courses which i have been interested in since school.but the thing is that the college is 200miles away, which means i would have to move away. but he said if i move then its over between us, as he doesn't think it would work having a long distance realitionship as he would be paranoid. so i don't know what to do, because i know that college starts next month, i'm not really sure if its definatly what i want to do.also i'm worried incase i go and i regret it so much and it turns out to be a huge mistake.but i also want to go because i think i'd regret not going to college.i could stay with my boyfriend, and do the course here, but it means stayin at college till i was 21/21, whereas if i move i only have to be there till i was 19.when i have asked other people for their opinions, everyone has said its a mistake to leave as his mum/dad and his 3 brothers all said he has never liked anyone and has never been this happy with anyone else before, but i don't want to miss out on college if my boyfriend and i are just going to break up in a year or so. because then i would feel i had given up everything for no reson.please help, i need advise.i don't know wether i should choose my boyfriend, or choose my education.
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got back together, long distance, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (8 August 2008):
In the end, after all we wrote, your boyfriend answered the question for you: His friends are more important to him than you are.
When he is older and more experienced he may change his mind and you two may find yourselves together again. Don't expect that, but don't rule it out entirely.
In the mean time there will be some hurt and adjustments for both of you. I hope the best for you!
A
female
reader, SuperSammie +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Just wanna say,
i wrote this question
n i think i am going to carry on with my education becasue you all give very valued points.
and if my boyfriend did care he should come with me, i' asked him too but he said he wont leave his friends.
so i'm going to carry on with my education and see what happens after.
just wanna thank everyone for their advice
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Always put yourself and your education first. I promise you will never regret it.
Someone who truly loves you would want you to be your best and would never think of holding you back from bettering yourself in life.
A partner is the icing on the cake; not the entire cake.
Best wishes xo
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (8 August 2008):
 I have always thought of putting love first, but I believe that if you do so that you will regret it for the rest of your life.
You already got out of college to stay with him, but it didn't work apparently and it ended your relationship. So why this time is different? History usually repeats itself when one hasn't learned from it.
You never mentioned anything reasonable that could hold your boyfriend back, so I assume he's being completely selfish about this whole thing. Like some others have said, if he really truely loved you, he would pick up his stuff and move with you and not give that kind of ultimatum. He's basically trying to control your life and it seems it will keep on happening if you let it happen.
One thing that he may be thinking which may just be the reason why he doesn't want you to go to college is because he thinks he will lose you. Once you enter college, you will find more people and will advance yourself mentally and he may think that eventually you will think of him as less than you and dump him for someone 'on par' with you.
So if that's the case, assure him he will never lose you. Tell him you'll be the same person before and after you leave college. Tell him you only want to do this to have a better life with him.
Talk to him about everything. Talk to him about doing options (like moving in with you). Talk to him if he has that worry I just mentioned. But whatever happens, choose education over him. Yes, you love your boyfriend, but you don't know for how long you will be him, but knowledge always stays with you and it will give you the opportunity to have a good life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): Aw you should definately choose education..there's plenty of men out there...getting yourself settled career wise is one of the most important things these days! :)
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A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (7 August 2008):
 If he truly cared for you, he would encourage you to go to college. Someone who cares deeply for you will not try to hold you back from achieving things in life! I'm not saying he's a bad person, but I would never try to hold someone back from getting an education! Please go to college. You will regret it if you don't go.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (7 August 2008):
Take a good look at why you think this is a one-or-the-other choice between boyfriend and college. Here's some questions to ask yourself:
- If there is a real possibility that you'll break up in a year or so, why are you living together?
- Why can't he pick up and move 200 miles to be with you in college? Would he sacrifice or postpone some of his own current plans to help fulfill you as a person?
- It's great to be known as "the best thing that ever happened to somebody". Do you really want to be that for him, or would it just make you feel guilty to leave now?
- Does he really see it like that?
- Is he the best thing that has ever happened to you?
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A
female
reader, les +, writes (7 August 2008):
I am a strong believe that at your age, you should put your career/education first. You're still very young. I realize that you love this guy very much and afraid that you might regret it a lot, and I thought that way too, but once you hit your 20s and have to deal with finance and career and life, you're perspective on things will change. You're perspective on guys will change. You dont want to make life more difficult for yourself later on to please someone else.
Also, I have questions about your boyfriend. Any logical person will realize that education is a good thing - only if for future monetary value. Any guy who would put himself over your future and give you an ultimatum like that - well, thats very selfish of him and I would question whether he loves me at all. If anything, we want to encourage our partners to educate and improve themselves even if sometimes this means they get to spend less time with us - the point is, that he's not concerned about your welfare, he's concerned about his. So I dont know him, but from what you describe, either he sounds like an idiot (doesn't realize the importance of education in modern day life) or is very selfish (insist that YOU spend an extra three years in school so that HE can have what he wants)... would you consider this to be a perfect relationship?
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