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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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I'm always the person who has to take the initiative with my relationship. Should I just break up?
Q. Should I break up with my boyfriend? He doesn't call me or talk to me at all. I usually have to push him to do stuff, like asking me to a dance. He's a great guy and I don't want to regret anything. I really do like him but our relationship is getti...
A. 1 January 2006: It's probably time to tell the "great guy" that you really want more out of a relationship than you're getting, that you're tired of always having to try to motivate him and that it makes you feel like a nag. Let him know that you'd like your ... (read in full...)
Is it illegal for me (aged 18) to go out with a 15-year-old girl?
Q. I am an 18 year old male and I have been friends with a 15 year old girl. We now have relationship feelings for each other. Is this illegal if we did go out? Or would it be illegal only if we had sexual contact?...
A. 1 January 2006: This depends on what the local laws are where you live. In most US states the "age of consent" (for sexual contact) is 16, but in some states it's 17 or 18. If you're in America, you may need to look it up for your State. In the UK and in Australia, ... (read in full...)
I got dumped after a week with my boyfriend. Now he's not sure if that was the right thing!
Q. I started my new school in September. I love it. There's this really fit boy there. I went out with him, then after a week he dumped me. I don't know what I did wrong. I asked him why and he said I don't know why I did it. I still really fancy hi...
A. 1 January 2006: You might be expecting a little bit too much from a relationship that only lasted a week. It wasn't like you two had been seeing each other exclusively for the last year and had sworn everlasting devotion; you had a date or two and then his interest ... (read in full...)
I unhooked her bra when we were kissing, but that was going too far! Now what?
Q. Hi. I have been with my girlfriend a month now, and it was going great. Until last night. We were kissing and I thought maybe we could move to the next step. So I undid her bra at the back but she immediatly stopped kissing and shook her head. I ...
A. 31 December 2005: It's OK. Don't worry.
You took things a step further than she wanted to go, but she didn't have any hesitation in showing she didn't want to do that. (Good for her, by the way, and my saying that doesn't mean I think you did anything wrong. Y... (read in full...)
Bored with my 5-month-old relationship. Any comments from readers?
Q. I've been in a relationship for 5 months now and I'm kind of getting bored. I don't get those butterflies anymore. I'm an indecisive person and she knows this but she still asks me questions to something I can't choose. Then when I decide to do ...
A. 31 December 2005: My commets are these:
It *is* normal to lose the "butterflies" feeling after a while. Once you get to know someone well, you're less anxious about being around them, so you don't feel so hyped all the time. In addition, the chemicals that race aro... (read in full...)
My friend's boyfriend hits on me whenever she's not around. I want to say something without hurting her!
Q. Hi, My problem is kind of simple, but how do I tell my friend that her boyfriend constantly hits on me when she isn't around? I don't want to tell her because I am afraid she won't believe me, but on the other hand I want her to know what he does. ...
A. 31 December 2005: The best suggestion I can make to you is not to tell your girlfriend, but speak up directly to her two-faced, potentially-cheating boyfriend.
Next time he says something like that, tell him "I don't feel comfortable with hearing that, because ... (read in full...)
When they're sober, my gf's folks are OK with us dating, but when they're drunk, they want me locked up!
Q. Hello, I'm 22 and have been dating a 15 year old girl for about 9 months now. Our relationship is very good and understanding. We haven't had sex and don't plan to till she is old enough. Her parents do drugs and drink a lot so their permissi...
A. 31 December 2005: I'm no legal advisor, but a quick peruse of "Alabama law" sites gives me the information that the age of consent in your State is 16 for girls. That's the age for legal consent to sex (curiously, 14yo's are allowed to marry in Alabama, but I guess ... (read in full...)
I love him but he thinks we're friends. He lives on the other side of the world. Do I hop a plane and go tell him my feelings?
Q. I have really strong feelings for a man who lives on the other side of the world. I havent seen him for a few months now, but when I am with him I feel there is a chemistry between us and I know Im not imagining it, the last time I saw him we whe...
A. 30 December 2005: Sorry, dear. Bad idea.
First, you need to reexamine your stated basic principle: "I believe that there is only ever one person for everyone and I think that he is mine..."
OK, fine. But if this guy, as you say, "may not return my feelings", th... (read in full...)
He dumped me by text and now I don't know what to think...
Q. I met a guy at a college party three months ago. It was so obvious that he liked me but at the time I wasn't sure if I liked him as I had just split with my last boyfriend. He gave me his number but I didn't give him mine. I called him three days ...
A. 30 December 2005: This guy is addicted to "the chase". It gives him a thrill to date women and make them fall for him, but once you're there... he's ready to move on.
Have you noticed how he keeps you on a string, guilting you, prodding you, being a nice guy when... (read in full...)
Should I book the round the world flight!?
Q. Dear Cupid I really like a man who lives on the other side of the world, thinking about booking a flight going over there rapping on his door and asking him out on a date. Do you think I should??...
A. 30 December 2005: While I appreciate that you want to make a splashy gesture, there must be another, not-quite-so-risky way to get his attention.
I've done a few round-the-world trips on my own in the last 5 years, so am speaking from experience. I'm not sure wha... (read in full...)
My married lover feels sorry for his wife and won't leave because of the kids. How do I break off this affair?
Q. I have been having an affair with a married man for ten years. I was twenty four then, and a student in his torts class. He says he loves his wife, but he loves me more. Because of their two children, he has to stay with her (he also feels sorry ...
A. 30 December 2005: You say to him, "I've been waiting for ten years for you to make a break so we can be together exclusively. Now I've realised that you're never going to leave your wife. It's time I left."
It's concise, and it pretty much matches what you've t... (read in full...)
I get so jealous that I'm afraid of losing him
Q. ok i shall start with my relationship with my boyfriend.I don't know what really happen to me.Starting of our relationship is good.But for not long i started to get jealousy and hot-temper.My jealousy is really high.Is like when he never sms(phone ...
A. 30 December 2005: You get jealous because you don't think that you're good enough to please him. That's also why you think he'll find someone else, either at his work or amongst his friends.
What you need to remember is that it's not HIS fault that you're jealous.... (read in full...)
How long until love?
Q. When is it looked on as acceptable to love someone? People always tend to think that you only love someone truley if you've been with them for ages? What do all of you think?...
A. 30 December 2005: The longer your experience with love is in your own life, the longer you're going to tend to think you have to have been with someone before you can be sure it's Love, and not just lust.
For my two cents, I don't think that "love at first sight" e... (read in full...)
How much is too much?
Q. can you masturbate too much? I'm really addicted to it, and think about it all the time. And I'm only 13. Can you help me? ...
A. 30 December 2005: There's no such thing as "too much" unless and until it begins to affect your social life. As Tom has said (below), if you find yourself turning down offers to go out with your friends, just so that you can stay home and masturbate, that might be a ... (read in full...)
I had unplanned sex with my girlfriend, but I'm not yet 14. She couldn't be pregnant, could she?
Q. Hi People, I am a 13 year old male who is almost 14. Recently (for about 2 months) I have been going out with this 16 year old girl. At first all we did was kiss, make-out and foreplay etc, but last night my parents were both at hen/stag nights ...
A. 29 December 2005: Hi Tom,
Rebecca's advice is excellent in every way. I agree completely. I'm adding my comments as well.
Your girlfriend especially should have known better than this. She's the one running the risk of a pregnancy and girls generally are mo... (read in full...)
When we're together, I think he's attracted, but then he says there are other girls who like him too!
Q. There's this guy. We use to date but we broke up. Now he lives really close. We started talking and holding hands like couples do; we even kissed. Now he is saying he is confused cuz a lot of gurls like him. I asked him out and he said he would...
A. 29 December 2005: I think your new guy is really thrilled with the attention he's getting from so many girls, and doesn't feel like settling down yet with just one girl, whether that's you or someone else.
If he's like most of us (and I'll be he is), he never re... (read in full...)
If I get pregnant, can we get married at 16 without our parent's permission?
Q. I am 16 years old and I will be 17 in July of 2006. I live at home with my mom and my brother and I am just so tired of being treated like crap. My boyfriend is 16 also and he will turn 17 two days before me. We have been talking about getting ...
A. 28 December 2005: The answer to your question depends on where you live, what country, what region etc.
But whether it's legal where you live is so much less important than the fact that it's so selfish.
Parenting isn't what you do to get away from your parent... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mum is trying to destroy our relationship!
Q. My boyfriend and I are really close, but he is older then me. His mom dislikes me and tries to mess with our relationship constantly. He is really sweet and I have no doubt he loves me, and I love him back, but his mom leaves threatning voicemails ...
A. 26 December 2005: It isn't your responsibility to do anything, but I also don't believe that it's your boyfriend's, either. If you two are only in high school, then he's just a minor himself. What's he supposed to do? He has to live with this woman. The best your ... (read in full...)
How do I strike a balance between playing "hard to get" and letting him know I'm interested?
Q. Hey, well first off, Merry Christmas everyone! My question is about playing heard to get. I mean, if you blow him off, then won't that make him think you're NOT interested and so go looking for someone else? If I was a guy, I'd think that a ...
A. 26 December 2005: I think the whole "playing hard to get" thing is a head game, and who wants to play head games? Only inexperienced teens try to mess with each other's minds, thinking that making each other "jealous", or using friends as go-betweens, or sending ... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and in my last year of school, so can anything happen with the teacher I know?
Q. Ok, I am 18, and in the last year of sixth form. I am very very very good friends with one of the teachers at our school, he has never taught me and I know him through helping with school productions, he is 29. I really think Ive fallen for him. ...
A. 25 December 2005: Don't do anything until you're completely out of school. Even though you're an adult and you're entitled to be with anyone else who's legal and available, there are still biases against teacher-student relationships, and there will be a fair few ... (read in full...)
If I ask my female friend out, will it ruin our friendship?
Q. Hello. I'm really not sure about something. Well there's a girl I'm like really friendly with at school and I think I've fallen in love with her (she knows) but I don't know whether she feels the same about me and the one thing I am paranoid...
A. 24 December 2005: Let's put this thing into another context for you, to try to make the idea of asking a friend out less overwhelming.
Say there was another bloke in your maths class who was new to the school. He's friendly to everyone and seems to have a great se... (read in full...)
I suspect my boyfriend's family might do something radical if they knew about our relationship...
Q. Hey I'm a 24 year old white, non-religious woman. I met my current muslim boyfriend 6 years ago at college. When we started dating at 21 (we are the same age) I was warned by my mother and friends that his family and beliefs may pose a problem. I of ...
A. 24 December 2005: In my own opinion - VERY unreligious, Western, middle-aged white woman - your boyfriend is an adult and responsible for his own decisions. In simple terms, he can marry whomever he wants, regardless of his family's feelings. Whatever his family ... (read in full...)
Dating someone older???
Q. hi i was wonderin what everyone thought about datin older ppl??? im 14 and datin a 28 year old man. what u fink??...
A. 24 December 2005: Bad idea... What on earth do you two talk about? School? Boys? Fashion mags?
Come on, girl. You have nothing in common with a 28-year-old and he has nothing in common with you. He wants you for sex. That's it, full stop. When he gets tired of... (read in full...)
I use a lot of KY jelly and baby oil when having sex-can it cause damage?
Q. i have to use ky jelly and baby oil a lot when making love to my partner, do u think it could cause any damage over a long period of time, i'm getting pains in my belly a lot....
A. 23 December 2005: I don't know how to advise you about the pains you're having. Do go see a medical practitioner about that!
However, KY - even lots of it - isn't going to hurt you. It's water-soluable and melts at body temperature, so even if you use a whole tu... (read in full...)
Worried over my exam grades-are my future career prospects in jeopardy?
Q. Please help me. I am 13 years old, about to take my SAT's exams, and in a year, my GCSE's. We recently had a maths test in school, a mock SAT's paper, and I did very badly, 25 out of 60, everyone else was getting in the 50's. I am so worried ab...
A. 20 December 2005: Don't panic too much. Although there's a lot of pressure put on students to do well on your exams, most of that is simply to nudge the low-performing kids into studying.
On the actual day of the exams, you need to concentrate and do as well as ... (read in full...)
He wants me just for sex but I love him. How do I get him to love and respect me?
Q. Dear cupid.. I have been in love with a guy for over three years now (I'm 17, he's 18), I want to be in a relationship with him. Trouble is that he is ony physically attracted to me, and will only ask for sex.It seems to me like he regards me as...
A. 20 December 2005: No, I can't see anything changing. Sorry.
The reason is that - as far as your sex-partner has ever known it - you're both together for the sex, and ONLY the sex. There's nothing that's changed in your relationship that would strengthen his feel... (read in full...)
At his home-do I visit with his folks or do I stay downstairs with him?
Q. I'm not sure how to act around my bf's parents--he's 24 and he lives with his parents and I'm 20 and I still live with my parents too, and we usually end up cuddling at his house in his room while watching a movie or soemthing, but I feel weird ...
A. 20 December 2005: Do try to get to know his parents, even to the point of deferring your making out with your boyfriend.
You're not "taking advantage" of his house in any way that I can tell -- it would be a different story if you were downstairs having noisy se... (read in full...)
Is there really such a thing as "Love At First Sight"?
Q. I'm 32 and divorced and in a relationship but.....a guy I met a few weeks into my new relationship keeps popping up in my life. I'm sad to say that I have cheated with this guy twice in the last few months and then we called it off. However in the ...
A. 19 December 2005: No, sorry. What's going on here is pure chemical attraction. Not to say that's a bad thing, per se, but "love" it ain't. Your cheating on your partner(s) is bringing down the tone of your relationship quite a lot too.
If you really think he's "th... (read in full...)
We fight a couple of times a month. Is that healthy?
Q. Cupid: Hi, my boyfriend and I fight like 2, maybe 3 times a month. Is that healthy? And it's not no little fight either; we usually go at each other worse than cats and dogs. What should I do?...
A. 17 December 2005: No, it's not healthy. Full stop. Fighting with each other, regularly, "like cats and dogs" isn't a normal emotional outlet. It means you're both out of control.
A place to start fixing it is to ask yourself what you're fighting about. What sta... (read in full...)
I love her to death... And because of it I've been served with a court order!
Q. i have been dating this girl i have been seeing for about five months we really hit it off but as usaul i rushed into things, i moved in with cause she ask me to and we and we both planned to have a baby all in a matter of months, just recently i ...
A. 14 December 2005: Whoa, drama king and drama queen!
This relationship is dragging you both under. Neither of you is emotionally ready to deal with the breathtaking shortcomings of the other.
Frankly, she sounds childish and egocentric and you strike me as a c... (read in full...)
Should I continue our relationship even though we are in two different worlds?
Q. hi! i met my boyfriend online for a year now and he promise me that he will visit me but he broke he's promise so many times. i love him so much and as a single mother its nice to know that my boyfriend love my son also. we are in two differents ...
A. 14 December 2005: Try not to become too dependant on this relationship, because you haven't met, and you can't be sure of any of the details he's told you.
People who chat and meet romantically online are notorious for telling lies about themselves, even if they ... (read in full...)
Are all these disasters going to lead to my boyfriend dumping me?
Q. Hi all! i've been going out with my boyfriend for almost five years now and we're very serious. However recently a few disasters have started making me feel worried about whether he is going to dump me or not. First of all he has just become very ...
A. 14 December 2005: Let's get one thing straight in your mind: you can't make someone love you.
If he's going out with a mate who says unflattering things about you, or if you crash your boyfriend's car, or you go away on holidays -- it doesn't matter. If you boyf... (read in full...)
She's a good friend but I can't stop thinking about her
Q. i'm 16 and i need help. theres a girl at school that i cant stop thinking about and she has thought about me before but i dont know what to do because she's a good freind and i dont want to ruine that and i dont think she want's to either. please ...
A. 14 December 2005: What makes you think that getting to know your friend better will "ruin" your friendship? Keep on treating her like a friend you don't want to lose, and no matter how it works out romantically, you can remain friends.
You don't have to change t... (read in full...)
My husband wants to keep "his" money separate from "mine". Is this normal?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been married for almost a year now. I grew up in an old fashioned home setting. I grew up seeing my father bringing home his paycheck and giving it to my mother, who also worked. She would then use the two paychecks to pay...
A. 13 December 2005: If you're making approximately the same income, then having your money separate can save a lot of headaches. Think of the example, say, of your husband wanting to buy a $100 box-set DVD of something you don't care about. If he uses his own money, ... (read in full...)
I'm obsessing over how my boyfriend lost his virginity... Drunk, in a tent, with a non-virgin-girl older than him!
Q. Hi. My name is Polly, I am 18 years old, and I'm having a bad time. I feel I should warn you in advance that this is likely to be an extortionately long email, as I have a lot to get off my chest, but I really just want to start from the very be...
A. 12 December 2005: In a word, yes, you're being stupid. The only "carrying on" that's being "carried on" is your insistance on making an issue of this tiny piece of the past.
This is his HISTORY, hon. He can't remake it to please you. And what you're doing is hamme... (read in full...)
Dating an 18-year girl old as a 26-year old guy... What am I letting myself in for?
Q. I am attracted to an 18 year old girl (and she is attracted back) but I feel I shouldn't be as I am 26. Surely people of these ages are in a different place in their lives and it wouldn't work. Despite all of that I am probably going to unable ...
A. 12 December 2005: Speaking as a woman who, at 18, married a 26-year-old, I can give you some small insight into the "downsides" you can expect.
***She's likely to be intimidated by your same-age friends, because they have university degrees and marriages and kids... (read in full...)
I'm white-she's black..we're engaged. My family is making me choose them or her! Can you help me?
Q. dear cupid, i am i white man engaged to a black woman i love her so much but my family is pretty much making me choose them or her can you help me?...
A. 12 December 2005: It's sad and short-sighted of your family to put you in this position. I hope that you have better support from your finacee's family, because - as romantic as it sounds right now - it can be really tough having only yourselves to rely on, with no ... (read in full...)
I'm a good looking, laid back guy...so why can't I get a gf?
Q. im a single guy of 28. good looking not over weight. no baggage or issues, very laid back and easy going. one of those real good guys that is honest and reliable. doesnt get jealous, gives space and trust. can be quite shy and so on but defo have ...
A. 10 December 2005: This is one of the toughest questions I've ever attempted to answer. Why *wouldn't* a normal-sounding, easygoing guy be able to get a girlfriend... especially when there are clearly so many lowlife losers who seems to attract women?
The only tho... (read in full...)
Still a virgin because girls leave when they see my little todger!
Q. I have a small dick (3.5"). I am quite capable of attracting girls and getting them to take their clothes off. But when they see my penis they run a mile. Because of this I am a virgin at 20 yrs old. This is driving me crazy. I am at university and ...
A. 9 December 2005: Three-and-a-half-inches is perfectly OK and a woman who loved you wouldn't give a rat's how big it is.
So the problem is not that they're running away from your dick; it's that the girls you're attracting don't care enough about YOU to stick ar... (read in full...)
I lied to my girlfriend...now what do I do?
Q. i need some advice i recently told my girlfriend a lie i told her that i owend my house but i dont. NOW i regret it how do i get out of this mess?I dont no why i told her that....
A. 9 December 2005: You own up to your lie, right now, because the longer you wait the harder it is to correct things. If she finds out the truth later, she's going to much more hurt about your lie than if you tell her yourself.
Explain to her that the reason y... (read in full...)
Worried as a black-guy that my "package" isn't up to par with my brothers
Q. On the subject of a man's "Size" what do Black women think is small, average or big. We all know what is said about black men, but I just don't feel I measure up. They say that average is 5-7", but it seems like that is mostly for white men. Shoul...
A. 9 December 2005: Erection is the great leveller, black or white. Most guys are around the same size when they're erect... and that tends to be around 5-6" (not 7").
I'm sure yours is fine!
I can't help wading into questions about penis size, because so many ... (read in full...)
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