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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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Things seemed to be fizzling out because of the distance. But then a parcel arrived...
Q. I dated someone who was in town to visit family and friends a while back. We have known each other for a couple of years through mutual friends. There has always been chemistry between us, but we had never acted on it before because we live far ...
A. 2 February 2006: Sounds like you might be "Plan B", if things don't turn out well with his ex-gf. I know that sounds harsh; I'm sorry.
The mixed messages that you're getting seem to show that he doesn't really have his mind made up about what he's doing, so he's ... (read in full...)
She's set me a challenge to "proove" how much I love her!? How?
Q. this is a weird situation. me and my girlfriends breakup seems like its become inevitable. like 3 weeks ago me and her got into a big arguement. at a party, so we were both kinda drunk. after that we made up. but now she says that i told her that i ...
A. 2 February 2006: Wow, I read this totally differently from the fellers.
I see your girlfriend doing a complete power-trip on you, kicking you when you're down, and using the fact that you feel on the back foot to wring every drop of affection out of you.
... (read in full...)
In love with my teacher and I want to tell him about my feelings...
Q. OK, I am junior who is in love with my teacher. I think he's the one or something. I think about him all the time. I liked him for almost 6 months. I really like him. I want to be with him I also want to let him know how I am feeling inside but I am ...
A. 2 February 2006: It would be a terrible mistake to tell your teacher about the way you're feeling.
What you have is a crush, and they're so common that probably every grown woman you've ever met could tell you the same story. Maybe a couple of girls in 100 go t... (read in full...)
My partner want to give birth without medical help...this is dangerous and I am worried. What should I do?
Q. how do i cope with a woman in labour? she's 27, but wants no medical interventions - i told her this was dumb and she could be endangering her and our unborn baby's life but she said that if she went for any checkups or anything then they might ...
A. 31 January 2006: There's nothing inherently "dangerous" about giving birth without medical assistance, or our pre-1900 ancestors wouldn't have made it into the world, would they?
Until the latter half of the 20th-Century, it was very commonplace for women to give ... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and ready for a baby...
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year. He is 20 and I am 16. It's a great relationship and I really love him. He was a family friend before and the feelings grew for us over ages - we never acted on them because the age difference ...
A. 31 January 2006: Just a few thoughts for you to consider:
What's the rush? You can have a baby at 16, 17, 29 or 37. With help of fertility experts, some women are having their first babies into their 40s. Why do you have to do it right now? Is it just because ... (read in full...)
My sister and I are happy with our bigger sizes, but mum just won't leave off about how fat we are!
Q. Hello, me and my sister have both put on weight. We both used to be a size 12 we are now a 14 - 16 but are happy and content. The thing is, all the family are slagging us off. My mom finds it embarrassing that we have put on so much she is forever ...
A. 31 January 2006: Provided neither your sister's health nor your own is especially compromised by your extra kilos, I'd suggest you treat this motherly intervention in the same way you would if she were to offer any other unwanted comment: "Thanks for your advice. ... (read in full...)
I really regret kissing an older woman, but I'm afraid to tell my girlfriend what I've done!
Q. I got very drunk and kissed an older woman. I can't remember it properly and I would never have done a thing like that sober. I feel really guilty and ashamed. I am fearful about telling my girlfriend cos I love her so much. What should I do?...
A. 31 January 2006: I recommend telling your girlfriend yourself, because unfortunately, these things have a way of coming out on their own, and it's best that she hear about it first hand.
Catch her in a quiet moment and say that you want to tell her about somethin... (read in full...)
Big crush on a girl, but how do I approach her?
Q. Yo fellas and gals! I'm fourteen/ fifteen and have the hugest crush on this one girl. How the hell am I meant to go out with her? I really like her and she laughs at 99% of the stuff I say, so how would I approach her? Thanks , A Welsh Guy :)...
A. 29 January 2006: You'll be fine. You'd probably be amazed at how much most girls hope that someone -anyone!- would ask them out!
When you ask her to do something with you, try to pick something that's not too intensive or one-on-one (I'm thinking you should a... (read in full...)
How do I forget this guy I've really liked since the 7th grade?
Q. I really like this guys we have been dating off and on since 7th grade and now I am in 9th and he is in 11th I really like him but I am trying to forget about him how do I do that?...
A. 29 January 2006: Did you ever hear that routine that goes, "Don't think of the white horse"?
As soon as you read "white horse", you think of a white horse, so you can't NOT think of it, right?
The same thing happens when you try to "forget" someone you care... (read in full...)
We are married and in our 20's...but he wants to wait until we are in our 40's to have children. Should I agree with this?
Q. I am 22 and my husband is 24. I was talking to him about the possibility of having children soon and he said, "Wait till we're between 40 and 44 years old. Then we will have enough money to raise a family." He is hard-working, but also very af...
A. 29 January 2006: I think it would be a mistake to go along with this. For one thing, your husband is basically telling you that he isn't ready to have kids "ever", since I doubt very much that he really even believes -- here, in his 20s -- that he'll ever BE 40 ... (read in full...)
Already have a girlfriend, but now I realise that another girl likes me too!
Q. Hi, I have a gf but this nice girl likes me. I like them both. What do I do?...
A. 26 January 2006: You need to decide what you want. Are you happy with your girlfriend? Are you and she compatible, and do you make each other happy? Do you both have a similar outlook on life? Do you find that you're happier when you're with her than when you're ... (read in full...)
He is ignoring me...what should I do?
Q. I really need some advice on what to do..my so called bf has been totally ignoring me he hasnt taken any of my calls for 5 days now i leave him emails and instant messages but nothing i had written a letter to him like 4 days ago reguarding our ...
A. 25 January 2006: There are at least two good reasons to leave off contacting him. The first is that, if he's just yanking your chain and making you "prove" how much you care about him, that it short-circuits the pleasure he gets from that.
The second is that, if... (read in full...)
She's unhappy in the current relationship, but I don't want to be responsible for a break up!
Q. This girl I like is in an unhappy relationship and says she'd rather be with me. I don't want to be responsible for the break up of her current relationship, but I really want to be with her. What the hell do I do?...
A. 25 January 2006: If it's the girl who's unhappy, then she'll break up with her boyfriend. That doesn't mean that you caused the break up.
It would be a different situation if you were to become emotionally or sexually involved with her before she finishes with her... (read in full...)
I'm 16, a mum, and expecting twins! If I tell the baby's dad, I'm afraid he'll leave!
Q. I am 16 years old and I already have a son called Nicholas. I recently found out I am three months pregnant. Yesterday I went for a scan and have found out that I am expecing twins - I'm together with the father but I know how he will react to this ...
A. 25 January 2006: Tell him soon, so he has more time to digest this news before the birth.
He may well leave, but he may also reconsider and return. Remind him that he's his children's only Dad in the world. They need him, as much as they need you.
On a more pro... (read in full...)
She's just 13 but if I was to kiss her after she turns 14...could I be arrested?
Q. I'm 18. I was at a gig with mates last week and met a girl. physically and mentally she wud seem like a 17 yr old. i thought she was at college. I was later told she was just 13.I've decided to keep the relationship to strictly mates. However, ...
A. 25 January 2006: Probably not arrested, since most of the laws regarding minors relate to sexual contact.
However, I sincerely doubt that her parents would be very impressed with you. Since you're a legal adult, and their daughter is very much below the age of c... (read in full...)
How do I know if he likes me for "me" or for booty!
Q. Does anyone have any tips on how I can figure out how to tell if he really likes me or if he just wants a peice? Please help!...
A. 25 January 2006: The simplest way is going to be by not having sex with him, and seeing if he still drops around for your company.
That's going to seem like harsh advice to some minds, so maybe instead of having sex with him next time you see him, you suggest ... (read in full...)
A guy at work keeps making eye contact, what do I do?
Q. I have started a new job at this company and have noticed this guy looking at me nearly everytime I pass his desk on the way to get a drink. As I am a repressed homosexual myself, I have nobody I can talk to about it. The other thing is I have this ...
A. 25 January 2006: I don't pretend to know what this would be like from your situation, but if we summarise it in a more generic way -- eye contact at work from an attractive stranger -- I come up with: Say Hello!
Next time you see him checking you out, give him... (read in full...)
I am seeking a counsellor's help for my troubles and my bf resents it. Do I keep getting help or end it?
Q. about 4 months ago i started talking to a councilor via online as i was always feeling depresed, my boyfriend of 3years recently found out and for some reason and banned me from talking to the councilor, he said that he was upset that i would talk ...
A. 25 January 2006: First things first: your boyfriend doesn't own you, and he can't "ban" you from doing anything. Got that? If you want to talk to a counsellor, you can do that whether he likes it or not. He can go and soak his head if he doesn't, and you can tell ... (read in full...)
I am so jealous that he has a child with his ex...
Q. I have an boyfriend of 1 yr who has a 2 yr old child with his ex-girlfriend who lives 3000 miles away - he visits twice a year and i get insanely jealous - i don't hate the kid but i am just so jealous that he had a child with an ex that he wasn't ...
A. 24 January 2006: You can't wish his past away, and moreover, you can't wish his child away. They come as a package, your man and his History.
And think about this, too: so do you. There might be aspects of your past (abandonment issues, hurtful breakups... (read in full...)
Any ideas how long a divorce takes to run through?
Q. I'm currently going through divorce. My ex has been violent through out the marriage. I've been seperated since May 04. He's going to contest the divorce. How long its going to drag? any ideas? Also I'd like to know when the financial settlement ...
A. 23 January 2006: I don't have an answer for you because this depends totally on where you live. Different countries, even different regions of the same country, have different laws pertaining to divorce.
I would suggest that you need to speak to a legal professi... (read in full...)
The relationship could have come out of a soap-opera storyline... Am I a lovefool?
Q. im an 18 yr old who's been seeing a guy 16yrs my senior for almost 3yrs. i love him with all my heart but our relationship is begining to take its toll on me for many reasons and i don't know if i should stay or go? i know it sounds like a st...
A. 23 January 2006: If you've been seeing him since you were 15, you don't have a lot of other romantic experience to compare him to, do you?
If you've never had a serious long-term relationship (a year or more) with anyone else, how can you really be sure that he'... (read in full...)
How can I get him to notice me?
Q. there is this lad in my college and i really like him he talks to me and everything but how do i get him to notice me as something more than just another person. he has also reccent broken up with his girlfriend who he went out with for a month. ...
A. 22 January 2006: Well, you could try painting half of your face blue and the other half red, then stand on a desk singing "My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean" whilst juggling flaming torches... That'd get him to notice you, right?
;-)
OK, that's maybe not what y... (read in full...)
We fight about everything. He acts like I'm so stupid, then just ignores me for hours!
Q. Hi, I'm 18 and totally in love with my boyfriend. Hes the greatest, smart, funny, charming and just and awesome guy. Hes the only one I want to be with, the only one I can picture myself with, but the problem is we fight a lot! It could be because ...
A. 22 January 2006: Maybe it's time to step back and look at your boyfriend as an outsider -- like me -- would. Frankly, I'm wondering what's so great about him.
A.) He's unemployed. B.) He lives with mum and dad, and isn't able to support himself. He mistreat... (read in full...)
My current guy is stable and caring, but I have a history with my ex. How do I choose?
Q. I was with a man for almost two years. He was the love of my life but he was also an alcoholic. His friends hated me and most of all his mother hated me. He is also very very close with his mom. Well, we were engaged and though we had our probl...
A. 22 January 2006: You may not be aware of your need for thrills and drama in your relationships, but that's what leaps out at me after reading your letter. Drama is fine, I guess, as long as you both accept that it fills a need for you, but when you start introd... (read in full...)
Slept with a colleague at the Xmas party. Should I mention it again?
Q. I slept with a colleague after the xmas party...bit of a cliche I know. There had been flirting and chemistry between us for a while and it just happened I guess. He has a girlfriend and is now acting really off with me in comparison to before ...
A. 21 January 2006: You pretty much have to take your cue from how he's acting, or you're sure to put him off; besides which, it's not very professional to discuss it when he's clearly uncomfortable about it.
My feeling on the matter is probably that he wasn't g... (read in full...)
Was it really the age gap between us that made him break up with me, or was it something more?
Q. I just broke up with my first serious boyfriend. He's 18 and I'm 15, and everyone was telling me to break it off with him because it would end in tears etc but we kept on going because we were in love and were enjoying ourselves. His reason f...
A. 21 January 2006: From what you write, it appears he wanted to break up with you for some other reason, but felt that the "age difference" aspect would be less hurtful to admit.
He might have dated other 15-year-old girls, but not everybody at 15 is at the same emo... (read in full...)
Is there a good way to get off his email list without sounding like a pathetic, angry, jealous woman?
Q. Hi all - I need some advice about my ex. We broke up quite a while ago now, many months ago and whilst it was hard at first, things are getting easier and I've dated other people and things are moving on. I feel like i'm pretty much over him. ...
A. 21 January 2006: How your request to be left off his email list is received depends on how you go about making it, don't you think?
Lucky Man is right. Simply say 'Thanks for thinking of me and for keeping me updated on your life, but I'd rather you didn't s... (read in full...)
Will it help me move on from the breakup if I start dating another guy right away?
Q. Just split up with my boyfriend. Things between us were really intense and special. I'm sick of crying so I'm looking for ways to move on. I'm looking at other guys. There's someone who I was in love with before I started my relationship with the...
A. 21 January 2006: It's not fair to yourself or any guy you might go out with, if you're just "using" his company to keep you from thinking about the hurt in your life, no matter that he might attract you. This other man might be good for you, but your emotions are ... (read in full...)
I'll miss my guy when he's overseas, but does that mean I can't go out and have fun while he's away?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm 18 and am currently in my first relationship. We have been going out for 6 months and I love him loads. Trouble is, he's in the army and in that 6 months I've only seen him for a month. I speak to him reguarly and we text each oth...
A. 21 January 2006: Sorry, but if you really loved him "loads", you wouldn't have cheated on him "a few times" in a six-month period.
If you can't control your desires for such a short period as a half a year, you're don't really care much about this guy at all. Thi... (read in full...)
The girl I want turned me down in Real Life, but likes me when we're messaging!
Q. There's this girl that I've liked for about a year now. When I told her how I felt, she turned me down. She didn't know I had her screen name, and I started messaging her. We kind of started dating online, but she doesn't know who I am. It's ...
A. 21 January 2006: The way I see this one, you really only have two choices.
The first is to let things fade, knowing that you've been untruthful with her for 8 months and she's beginning to doubt you.
The only other alternative is to come clean with her right n... (read in full...)
My ex's new boyfriend is violent and abusive. She got beaten up just because he saw me driving from her place!
Q. My ex-girlfriend is having problems with her current boyfriend. At the moment she is still having post coming to my house which I am relaying to her by meeting up with her. I have moved on since we split up and got a new girlfriend but her boyfrien...
A. 19 January 2006: Because I don't know what country/state she lives in, I can only suggest she check the local phone directory. The government listings will show something along the lines of "women's services" or "domestic violence", or something similar.
The w... (read in full...)
Can I win back my pregnant girlfirend's heart?
Q. She is 26 and I am 31. When my girlfriend of 18 months found she was two months pregnant with our child I freaked out and finished the relationship. Shortly after this I realised what a wonderful gift this was, but she absolutely refuses to take me ...
A. 19 January 2006: Be a winning Dad to your child. Be a financial and emotional support to your baby. Take care of, and watch your child grow. Be proud of him or her.
These are things you should be prepared to do anyway, but I suspect that when you do all you can ... (read in full...)
Does this guy want us to move beyond booty-call?
Q. i'm 37, he's 38. he chased me for 7 months. we hooked-up about 2 wks. he got mad i had a guys # and wouldn't talk to me for 6 mo. got hooked-up again he said just booty call. got back again mainly booty call but he was finally asking questions like ...
A. 19 January 2006: It doesn't come across to me as anything other than sex. The constant break ups, with a return to nothing more than the same relationship will have reinforced in his mind the idea that you're "useful" for one thing only, which I find unutterably ... (read in full...)
Put my mind at ease. Did my babysitter sexually abuse me, or not?
Q. This feels like a really stupid question, but I need to know what people make of it to put my mind at ease. When I was about 10 years old my next door neighbour used to babysit me. He was around 15 at the time, and he always used to play this 'ga...
A. 19 January 2006: I don't think it's a silly question, but the answer is Yes, he did. The reason I say so is that he used his position of authority (babysitter) and his superior strength and age to intimidate you into touching his penis, when you had no desire to ... (read in full...)
Sex without feelings?
Q. can 2 people have a sexual relationship for 3 years and not have any emotional ties?...
A. 19 January 2006: I'm sure it could happen. Lots of people can separate sex from love. (Men can be especially good at it, which I think is partly down to biology.)
To me, it sounds a little soulless and mechanical to have sex without intimacy, but you only hav... (read in full...)
We got close when she broke up with her boyfriend, but slept with him for "closure". Do I have a chance?
Q. I have very strong feelings for one of my friends and we have recently got very close, and she told me that she had feelings for me. The only problem is that she recently split up with her boyfriend because it wasn't working, although she sai...
A. 19 January 2006: I'm really sorry, hon, but I don't think this is on the cards. This girl feels grateful to you for being her rock and supporting her in a time of hurt, but it looks to me like she's stringing you along in case she needs a Back Up Boyfriend.
That'... (read in full...)
My family just can't come to grips with my choice to use my maiden name, even though I'm married...
Q. I've got a real problem with my family members. I got divorced some time ago and made sure the divorce judgement specified that I would return to using my maiden name. Again and again I've told my family members that I am using my maiden name and ...
A. 19 January 2006: It IS disrespectful. Your family are being passive-aggressive. Obviously you've gathered that there is much more behind this issue than the choice of name. It certainly appears on the surface that they didn't support your choice to divorce your ... (read in full...)
My friend wants to make her ex jealous by going out with another guy. I don't think that this is the best strategy. How can I get them back together?
Q. My friend was in a relashonship with this boy for about a year when one of her friends tells him she wants to break up{even though she really didn't}. Its been a few weeks since this happened and my friend still doe...
A. 18 January 2006: It isn't your job to get your friend and her ex back together. In fact, it's not even any of your business.
Think about how you'd feel in her shoes. The relationship has gone sour for whatever reason, you're doing your best to deal with it... an... (read in full...)
I got into my boyfriend's e-mail account and found that he was contacting girls on a personals website just a month after we got together!
Q. i recently got into my boyfriends email account and found his ad on the personals website where it showed he had contacted a few girls to get to know them better about a month after we got together ...i dont know how to approach him on this as he ...
A. 18 January 2006: Whilst StarNews (below) makes some good points, I think she's missed the obvious ones and those are that you felt A) mistrustful enough of your boyfriend to check his email -- That's a shocking breach of trust, btw -- and B) self-righteous enough ... (read in full...)
She's having a baby but I'm not sure I'm ready!
Q. im 20 and my girlfriend is 18 and we have just found out we are having a baby! im not ready to leave home yet and cant afford a place of our own. her parents wont allow her to live at home if she has this baby. i love my girlfriend but sometimes ...
A. 18 January 2006: If you're not ready to leave home yet and still hit on other girls, thinking drunkenness is an OK excuse, and if she's still subject to her parents' edicts... then you two are not ready to have babies.
I can't emphasise too much the fact that a c... (read in full...)
Worried I might have erectile dysfunction. So how would I bring it up to my mom?
Q. I think I've got ED. I'm 18 and moving out of the house soon. I think I should go see a doctor about this, but I can't be like "Hey Mom, I think I've got ED... Can I go see the Doc?" What the hell am I supposed to do? ...
A. 17 January 2006: If you're 18 and ready to move out of the family home, maybe you don't need to mention it to your folks at all...? Just ring up the doc and make an appointment. Then you ask the GP for a referral to a urologist. It's not complicated and it's much ... (read in full...)
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