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*ev Conolly agony aunt

*ev Conolly

Australia  (Female   XML/RSS

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*ev Conolly's profile:

I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.

I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.

As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!

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I'm 12 years old and I have sexual feelings for my bf! What should I do?

Q.   I think I want to have sex with my boy friend, but I'm only 12-13. I'm having these sexually feelings for him and dreams too for over three months.What should i do? I've been dating him for years, like since I was nine or ten. But it's the fis...

A.   21 November 2006: One more word, if you're still reading... Sex, especially first-time sex, can be a major disappointment. And if your BF is only 12 or 13 (or 14 or 15 or probably even 16...), he's not going to last long enough for you to get any enjoymen... (read in full...)

I have to get over my ex!

Q.   I recently just broke up with my boyfriend, it was a whole mess and he cheated on me, and i gave my friend head when i was drunk and it was this whole saga. He ended it with me on saturday and im completely lost, we were together for a year but ...

A.   21 November 2006: Maybe the problem isn't "getting over him." Maybe it's deeper than that and has nothing to do with him. If you're trying to grow up, too much, too fast, drinking too much, making poor choices and having sexual activities that mean nothing,... (read in full...)

I'm 15 and just met a fantastic guy but I don't know how to go about expressing my feelings to him...

Q.   I'm 15 and this past weekend i went with my youth group on this retreat and one of the guys brought a friend along. His name's Jared and he's 16. We just met and all but i really like him. He's strong in his faith which is important to me. He's also ...

A.   21 November 2006: Perhaps you'll be relieved to know that you don't ~ever~ need to tell someone that you like them; not in so many words anyway. People pick that up without it ever being said. Think about it: even a puppy can tell if you like him or not! How much ... (read in full...)

I've had a bad year and I just feel so lonely now my sister has gone away!

Q.   Hey guys Can anyone suggest how i can get over my lonliness? i have had a pretty bad year this year, through family breavements i have lost both of my nans this year and also my great aunt. Altho i have lots friends and see them all the time i f...

A.   21 November 2006: I'm really sorry about your losses. It takes time to get over the pain of losing someone you love, particularly if it happened too soon, or too fast. Make some allowances for yourself. You should understand that it's OK to be sad; it's healthie... (read in full...)

Is our relationship going downhill or am I simply too needy? Which is it?

Q.   Is our relationship going downhill or am I simply too needy? My girlfriend and I have been dating for 10 months now, and I am completely in love with her. I know I have not lost any of the drive (emotionally or physically) that was there at the...

A.   21 November 2006: For what it's worth, I think it's 'way too soon to be looking for a ring when you haven't even been together for a year yet. Put this in perspective: if you live to be 85, then you've only been in this relationship for around 1% of your lifetime, so ... (read in full...)

I want to get revenge on my bf for what he did! What should I do?

Q.   I want to get revenge on my bf for what he did but i dont know what to do. I want him to regret leaving me cuz i was the best thing that ever happend to him. He didnt cheat on me......he said that he dont want a relationship right now and jus...

A.   21 November 2006: Slow down. Take a few deep breaths and finish this sentence: "My ex deserves my anger because..." Why? Because... ...he didn't love you at the exact minute you wanted him to? ...he was completely honest with you? ...he was man enough not ... (read in full...)

My parents separated but told me they still loved each other! Should I try and get them together?

Q.   Hi I'm 14 and a few months ago my parents separated. My mum had an affair and thats why my dad left. My mum realised whta she did was wrong and my dad (now) realises he took my mum for granted. I spoke to both of them and asked if they still lo...

A.   20 November 2006: You sound sincere and I know your motives are pure, but the answer is a resounding ** NO **. You're not responsible for your parents, their mistakes, their relationship, their problems or their future. At fourteen, you probably have enough o... (read in full...)

My husband wants a divorce but we aren't having any problems I know of!

Q.   My husband of 4 years told me he wants a divorce, yet he has made no move to leave the apartment we rent. We were not having any problems that I know of. Should I broach the subject of reconciliation or just get him out?...

A.   20 November 2006: If you're going to broach any subject, it should probaby start with "Why are you unhappy?" Even if his answer is a short one, then you have more information than you appear to have now. It will get you started. If you're not aware of any pro... (read in full...)

She needs space to 'miss' me?? Does she not love me anymore?

Q.   My Girlfriend Need Space To Herself To Miss Me What does this mean? does she not love me no more?...

A.   16 November 2006: I'd interpret this to mean that she thinks you've been together too much lately, and she's feeling suffocated. Good relationships allow each person a certain level of independence, as well as being part of a couple. It's easy for a person who is u... (read in full...)

Confused about the depth of a vagina...

Q.   Forgive me if I'm being a bit graphic here, but I'm seriously confused about something. Ok, so if I have sex with my bf I'm sticking somthing up to 9 inches up inside of myself, but if I use a tampon I'm meant to stick it up until it hits the vagina ...

A.   16 November 2006: Well, actually not. First of all, the chances of you having sex with someone with a 9-inch penis are about a zillion to one. Most men are in a comfortable zone of 5-6 inches when erect. Bi-i-i-ig difference. Secondly, a guy's penis only goes ... (read in full...)

He broke up with me, but still wants sex! It's really messing with my head.

Q.   my boyfriend of 2 years has recently told me he doesnt want a girlfriend any more. Im heartbroken nothing serious has happened he just said he wants to spend time with his mates. He says he is getting older and doesnt wants to do stuff and its not ...

A.   16 November 2006: I agree with the other two answers, but will add my opinion too and make it unanimous. DON'T consent to have sex with him. It degrades you to just a "thing", like a blow-up doll. Saying that he wants to do things with his mates, but still keep you... (read in full...)

He got horrendously mad at me on cam - could my online love be that bad in person?

Q.   i meet this guy online, we fall inlove each other, we spend time together everyday, tell 1 day, he was really get mad at me, but not answering any of his question, cause he was shouting and pointing his fingers on me on cam, he was really really ...

A.   16 November 2006: Most people put on an "act", somewhat, when they're talking online. What I mean is, most people go out of their way to be as nice a possible, or as hip as possible, or as cool as possible, or whatever. People want you to like them, and try to put on ... (read in full...)

I had sex with my bf and now he's ignoring me!

Q.   Hey well ive been going out with my boyfriend for nearly two years and the other day me and him had sex for the first time. Since then he has been ignoring me and wont talk to me. Plz help i dont no what ive dont wrong x...

A.   15 November 2006: You don't say how old you are, or what age you started dating, but I'm guessing you're still quite young... maybe 14? Fifteen? If your BF is also that age, then I suggest that he's embarrassed about what happened. He may feel that actually... (read in full...)

I want to email my ex to see if he's okay from the break up. Should I just let it go?

Q.   Do I have to contact my ex-boyfriend? I broke up with my boyfriend almost 3 weeks ago...It wasnt because I didnt love him any more, I just knew he was never going to love me as much as I loved him...I felt needy and sad all the time because he ...

A.   15 November 2006: Let it go. Your need to contact him "to see if he's OK" is just an unconscious desire to be in his life again. If you fall into that trap, you'll find you just drag out the pain for yourself, and prevent him from moving on too. Believe me, he's... (read in full...)

My friend wanted a picture of me naked. What the?!?

Q.   i am 14 and was texting my boy mate the other day. it was his birthday a few days ago and i didnt know so i didnt get him a present. he said dont worry about it. i said to him "i'll have to go now cos i'm going swimming wiv mates". then he said "r u ...

A.   16 August 2006: It means he's a young guy with a raging libido. He'd be very pleased, I'm sure, if you were to oblige him (but don't -- more on that in a moment), but his indicating that he'd like to see you naked doesn't necessarily mean that he fancies ... (read in full...)

I want to have sex, but I can't get past the idea of pain!

Q.   I'm really nervous and slightly scared to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of 3 1/2 months. We're both 19, we're both virgins, we're both in love with each other and plan to get married after college. We've discussed sex, we both want to, we both ...

A.   15 August 2006: Well, consider this: you and your best friend are different women, with different bodies and different boyfriends. What if your first sexual experience is different to hers? What if it doesn't hurt you as much/very much/at all? People wouldn't... (read in full...)

How long before you can get divorced?

Q.   i am just wondering when you and partner split up and wanting to get divorced do you have to be separated for so long like away from each other to prove that you dont love each other or can ypu get a devorce straight away?...

A.   14 August 2006: Depends completely on where you live. In the USA, each State has its own laws, which range from about 30 days to 12 months of living apart. In other countries, it can be one or even two years. Your best bet is to locate the Legal Advice hot... (read in full...)

I'm 13 yrs old and smoke , how much harm is this doing to me?

Q.   i have smoked 6 or 7 cigerettes 3 in 1 go kinda 1 after another n then the n 3 or 4 after it seperate only 13 and i wanna know how much harm i have caused to myself please be persific ...

A.   14 August 2006: If you want me to say that you've currently burnt away 11% of your lung capacity, or that you'll live 93.71 days less than if you didn't smoke, I can't. What I can say is that every cigarette leaves a thin layer of toxic chemicals in your lun... (read in full...)

You gotta fight, for your right, to wrest that man out of his relationship

Q.   Can a woman "fight for(not physically)" a man if she truly believes in the integrity of their relationship and the genuine feelings they have, regardless of his situation? Men always "fight for" the women they want, so what if the situation is ...

A.   14 August 2006: Ultimately, the other person (be it man or woman) has to choose you, right? So "fighting" for a person's attentions really makes no difference. You could fight and bully and cajole and wheedle and needle and meddle until the cows come home, bu... (read in full...)

My boyfriend asked me to marry him, but I'm only fourteen!

Q.   I am only 14 and my boyfriend has asked me to marry him! I realy love him but how many people stay with someone that they started dating when they were 10? What should I say?...

A.   13 August 2006: (Source: Monthly Vital Statistics Report, Vol. 43, No. 9, Supplement, March 22, 1995, National Center for Health Statistics, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.) **Age at marriage for people who eventually divorce** For women under 20 yea... (read in full...)

I'm moving out from home and I have zero budgeting skills!

Q.   I am a seventeen year old girl, starting university next dilemma is that I have zero budgeting skills. I have always been a spoilt brat, which I admit. I am used to geting what I want, and I don't want to be like that anymore. I want t...

A.   13 August 2006: You probably should start right now, and get some practice in budgeting before you move away. Get your banking sorted out, and draw yourself up a simple budget. You can do it on a spreadsheet if you want to, but even paper is fine. There's ... (read in full...)

Men have Viagra..anything out there for women?

Q.   Dear cupid What is on the market to enhance a womens sex drive? Men have viagra.What about women?Is it hormone shots.I have herd of some creams.There has to be something out there.Men have a high level of testosterone can women take it to?I simply ...

A.   10 August 2006: Nope, nope and nope. No ethical doctor will prescribe pills or testosterone shots for you wife (particularly if it's YOU doing the asking). Think about it. Testosterone makes boys into men; do you really want your wife to develop a deep voice, chest ... (read in full...)

My heart is breaking for the 2nd time!!

Q.   i wrote to this site a little while ago about how my partner was telling me that he didnt want me anymore and how he didnt love me, after i had finally stopped begging him he said he wanted me back and that he wouldnt hurt me again. well i got some ...

A.   9 August 2006: He was probably onto something when he said he hurts you "because you take it". There's something that's not quite there for him in this relationship. It's really obvious that he *doesn't* love you -- in fact, he doesn't even act like he likes you ... (read in full...)

I turn red and get shy when I talk to girls. My confidence needs a boost so what should I do?

Q.   dear cupid i am having trouble talking to girls as i cant seem to get my self to talk to them and when i see girlz that i like i turn red and become shy.. is there any solution to this problem, as i have tried everything to put my confidence up bu...

A.   9 August 2006: Try doing things in little steps, rather than feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of a full-on conversation, all at once. For a start, try something like saying "Hi Bianca" as you pass her in the hall. Smile, make eye contact, move on. Don't w... (read in full...)

I haven't had a relationship in 10 tell me-- what I am doing wrong?

Q.   Question I am 39 years old. I am really concerned because i find it impossible to find a girl even as a friend to take out or a partner. I have not had a relationship either short or long term for over 10 years. Never been married and have no child...

A.   9 August 2006: I don't get the impression that you're limiting yourself to pubs and clubs when you're looking for women to date, but might I suggest you forego drinking places entirely? Meeting someone at a bar is a dicey way to start a relationship, at best. Be... (read in full...)

When he phones me, I am so nervous I can't answer the phone! What can I do?

Q.   i like this boy but when he rings me i cant answer the phone because i get really nervous and then not sure what to say when i do. it goes quiet then i put the phone down. what can i do?...

A.   9 August 2006: It's normal to be self-conscious when someone you like rings you, but try to think of it from his point of view. He rings to talk to a girl he likes, and all he gets is embarrassed silence! Try writing some things down on a piece of paper and take... (read in full...)

Is it healthy to masturbate to porn?

Q.   is it healthy to masturbate to porn?...

A.   9 August 2006: Masturbation is between you and your penis. Go for it. Most people use porn at some time or other, if not photos or text, then as a fantasy in their minds. It's fine. As long as masturbation doesn't take the place of human contact, doesn't... (read in full...)

Want to tell him I love him but don't want him to freak out or disappear! How do I do this?

Q.   Want to tell my other that I'm in love with him, But do not want him to freak out or dissapear. how do I go about it?...

A.   9 August 2006: How long have the two of you been together? Are you friends? Lovers? Cheating partners? Workmates? I don't get it. Why would you think that he'd freak out?... (read in full...)

How do I get my man to last longer than FIVE seconds?

Q.   I don't entirely know how to ask this, or if it is at all possible. But is there any way i can make my man last longer in bed. Last night he lasted all of 5 seconds, i love him to death but i was wondering if there is anything that i can do to ...

A.   9 August 2006: There's not much YOU can do. This is really up to him to work out, but here's the problem: first, he probably thinks you feel just ~great~ and he'd like nothing better than for you to continue to do whatever you're doing, and second, he may not know ... (read in full...)

I'm 16, said yes to the boy's proposal, so what was I thinking?

Q.   ello, i'm 16 and i had this friend that wouldnt stop asking me out and after 6 months of him asking me to date him he took me to a hockey game and acted completly different then he did in school so i finaly gave in and desided to give him a chanc...

A.   9 August 2006: This isn't such a hard decision when you think of it this way: do you want to temporarily disappoint him, or hurt yourself for the rest of your life? Whatever he tries to tell you, he *will* get over it. Sixteen is far too young to play at engag... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's parents treat him like he's 12! We never did anything wrong..

Q.   i would just like to get a little advice or your opinions on my situation. so here it is: my boyfriend and i are both 19. we've been together for about 5 months but only officially for 3 1/2. we are in love and we plan to be together forever...i ...

A.   7 August 2006: Has he considered making his own home, outside of his parents' house? He's basically tied to their rules, for two reasons: the first is that he's still living at home. Is he living rent-free, like a dependant? If so, he's basically being the same... (read in full...)

Do you think it is possible for us to work out?

Q.   How can I break away from my dysfunctional relationship? I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and I think the time has come to leave him. I have some issues with his past (the amount of women he's slept with) and it kills me. I'm alwa...

A.   6 August 2006: Don't think of it as a negative change. Think of it as cleaning out the detritus of your life and moving on to better things. Remind yourself that without change, nothing can get better, and that you change all the time! You don't have the same... (read in full...)

My problems with my girlfriend!

Q.   i was reading one of the questions on here about if you should forgive someone for cheating on you, or if you shouldn't. and a lot of the responses said that it depends on the person and if they seem truly sorry for what they did. and it made me ...

A.   6 August 2006: She sounds pretty deceitful. She's lied to her boyfriend in a big way. She's trying to suggest that you were responsible for your hookup, and when she should really be abjectly sorry for cheating on her boyfriend, she continues to flirt with you. ... (read in full...)

I didn't go to my prom as I didn't have a date!

Q.   has anyone ever been to a prom without a date or in a limo. Well that would have been the case for me. All of my friends had dates except me and by the time I asked if there was any space in 1 of the 2 limos my friends got, there wasn't. Because of ...

A.   6 August 2006: Once you're out of school for good, you'll see that the whole "prom night" experience is a big toss. (Excuse my crudity.) I didn't go to mine either, although in my case I was in a typically-adolescent negative mood and I was "protesting the obje... (read in full...)

Is she having sex to trap me?

Q.   I fear that my girlfriend was confused with love and lust when we had sex. Im not sure but i have been thinking deeply about my 8 n a half month relationship a lot recently. She has mentioned a lot about 'when you have sex' basically you can't leave ...

A.   6 August 2006: She can't "keep" you unless you allow yourself to be "kept", but having said that, you sound very passive in this relationship, unquestioning of her provocative comments. Is there a reason for that? I'd guess that she wants you to stick around, ... (read in full...)

Text speak etiquette

Q.   Whenever me and my girlfriend text each other or speak online we have always put ' i love you ' after a tiny little text such as 'on my way up in 5 minutes. I love you xxxx' we do this. I think its her idea mianly to do this and was from the start ...

A.   6 August 2006: I think people put too much emphasis on little xxx's and what they mean. Not putting a kiss-mark doesn't mean you don't love her; it just means you haven't texted a letter X or three. Gees. People get their knickers in a twist over some little ... (read in full...)

Married, 33 and fancy the girl at work

Q.   hi,going through hell at the moment,im 33 married with 2 kids 12 and wife is 43,and im not in love with her.i do fancy a girl who works next to me who is 25,im no good at asking girls out how do i let her know i like her....

A.   6 August 2006: Everything Dr Psych said! Put simply, you *don't* ask out the girl from work. If you don't love your wife, you either work on your marriage, or you decide it's over and you separate from her. Unless and until you've made that choice, leave th... (read in full...)

Why is our love fading?

Q.   I am having a relation ship with a guy but it seems that he is losing interest in me. He loves me but sometimes i feel he regrets loving me. What can I do?...

A.   6 August 2006: Can you post a response with a bit more information? How old are you both? How long have you been together? When did you notice a lack of interest? What does he do that makes you think he's losing interest? Why would he "regret" loving you?... (read in full...)

Help! I'm a virgin with performance issues!

Q.   I am 18 years old and am seeming to have sexual performance issues. I am still a virgin so the only experience I have to go on is masturbation. Even with my best efforts I can only seem to last a few minutes at best, often times less than a minute. ...

A.   4 August 2006: Actual sex is about as different from masturbation as watching a movie is from acting in one. It's pretty different, in other words. And it's perfectly understandable that you're a little nervous about your "performance". I'll take a chance a... (read in full...)

Should my friend's history with relationships be considered when I only want her as my child's godparent?

Q.   I have a very annoying problem and wondered if you could give me some advice anyone? My partner and I are trying to sort our baby daughters christening and are arguing over choice of godparents. I want my best friend who I have known for 26 years...

A.   3 August 2006: No, I'm with you. Anonymous posters notwithstanding(!), the role of godparent is largely honorary. Godparents these days rarely actually take over the child's religious upbringing in the absence of a parent. How much religious teaching are you ... (read in full...)

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