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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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Was I just easy sex, or might there be something more between us?
Q. Met a great guy at university, after a couple of months we starting sleeping together. He was my first. Now we live together with friends. He recently split with his girlfriend, and told me he was really confused and lonely and sorry for messing my ...
A. 17 October 2005: Yes, he sure is. But you're making it pretty easy for him to take advantage of you.
The relationship that you have with him is technically referred to as "friends with benefits", and to be truthful, such an arrangement rarely works out for most... (read in full...)
Keeping tallies on sex and orgasm...
Q. I told my wife that 3 of my ex girlfriends would write down on a calender everytime we had sex. They would put a check mark if they got off. They would put a circle if they gave me a bj. My wife things that was weird and thinks no girls do that, ...
A. 17 October 2005: I've been around the traps a long time and I have *never* heard of something like this. It strikes me as peculiar, juvenile and more than a little puzzling.
Why would you want to keep score? Who are you competing with?
No, this is definitely no... (read in full...)
What's the deal with my goth friend? She's starting to annoy me and our other friends...
Q. I am a little worried for my friend because she seems to have a strange personality. She wears clothes which 'stand out' (goth clothes) and when I asked her why she said she didn't know. Her friends outside of school are all in their late teens or...
A. 16 October 2005: She sounds like a sad case to me. She probably has very low self-esteem and doesn't feel like she "belongs" anywhere. Her funny mode of dress and her drinking and older friends are all signs that she's trying 'way too hard to fit in... somewhere.
... (read in full...)
My ex wants to hang with both us guys until she decides who she likes best. I don't like it!
Q. Me and my girl broke up 5 months ago and she started dating another guy. Then we we finished school for the year. Now we are back and for the last 6 weeks she has said that she still has feelings for me. She and her boyfriend have broken up but s...
A. 16 October 2005: I'm not surprised that you're confused and hurt. Your ex is playing both ends against the middle. In other words, she's taking advantage of the fact that both of you fellows want to go out with her, and hoping that you'll compete with each other to ... (read in full...)
Am I too young?
Q. Do you think 13 is too young to have a boyfriend? ...
A. 16 October 2005: Thirteen would be my rock-bottom age limit for hanging out with the other sex, and even then, it would be conditional on the activity and on the level of supervision. So I'd say that 13's not too young - not necessarily, not in all cases - but ... (read in full...)
We've broken up four times, but my ex still acts like a stalker!
Q. Me and my boyfriend has been dating for 3 months and we have broken up about 4 times. I dont really want to be with him, and every time I break up with him he like stalks me and will not leave me alone. I have tried dating other guys, but he scare...
A. 15 October 2005: Stalkers try to convince themselves that you're actually asking for it, that you're actually still interested. They read every little move, every comment and every action as "proving" that you're still desperate to be with them. So when you say Hi ... (read in full...)
Does the girl in math class like me?
Q. Im 12 years old and in 7th grade. I like this pretty girl in my school. She sometimes wanna be my partner in math class, and she talks to me a lot. But I don't know if she really likes me...
A. 15 October 2005: She probably does like you, but 12-year-old girls are notoriously fickle (they change their minds a lot), so just be cautious and don't feel like you have to do anything. Maybe you can enjoy the feeling of knowing that you're attractive to a girl, ... (read in full...)
He's a really a wonderful guy, but he feels uneasy because my baby isn't his...
Q. I am 17 years old I had my daughter when I was 16. The father of my daughter went away to America when he found out I was pregnant. He never came back to see me or my baby. When my daughter was 3 months old I met an old friend, the last time I s...
A. 15 October 2005: As a mature-sounding 17-year-old, you can take care of and protect yourself, which is to be expected and applauded.
However, your baby can't. You're all she has. In your life as her mother you're going to have to make sacrifices to protect ... (read in full...)
Should I date a widower, or wait for a while?
Q. I know this guy for a while and his fiance died last Novemeber, she was an acquaintance of mine also. It was a sad time all around as she was only 40. However, my dilemma now is that we have created a thing between us ( not too sure if its what I r...
A. 15 October 2005: I don't know of any specific timetable for getting over the loss of a loved one, so if he feels he's ready to date, then he's ready. As to what your friends think - as long as your relationship with him makes you both happy - then they should ... (read in full...)
Slept with a co-worker who now says it was a mistake. He treats me like a leper!
Q. A married co-worker came on to me at work and we started fooling around and after a week I cheated on my husband by sleeping with him. The next day he said he was freaked out about it and now he can barely look at me. He initiated this situation and ...
A. 15 October 2005: This is the primary reason that fooling around with co-workers is not recommended. If only you'd thought that little bit further ahead... Oh well.
The only way you can handle this is to be totally professional about your every interaction with him... (read in full...)
How do I prove to my boyfriend that I'm innocent?
Q. I need help and advice. Me (16) and my boyfriend (16) dated for about eight months. Everything was going great. But he called me one day and said that one of his friends told him I cheated on him when I didn't. We broke up and now he wants me to ...
A. 14 October 2005: Have you ever heard the phrase, "You can't prove a negative"? You can't. You will never be able to "prove" that you didn't cheat; therefore, your ex is never going to be satisfied with your explanation.
Furthermore, his actions and demands ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling low and lost, so I masturbate... I can't stop!
Q. I need help, I can't stop masturbating every day, sometimes a few times daily. I'm single and hate it. I've been depressed and I can feel myself slipping back down again as I've just lost my job and so I have nothing. I feel so low and stuck in...
A. 14 October 2005: Well, it all makes sense in a kind of way, doesn't it? You're sad because you've lost your focus in life, having no job means the budget is very tight, so you do something that not only makes you feel better for a while, but costs nothing.
It's ... (read in full...)
Could this be a long-term relationship?
Q. Here Goes... I'm a gay man who has met another great guy about a month ago. I find him intelligent, attractive, attentive, and much more. We decided we wouldn't have sex until about the 8th date. We did. This was about two weeks ago. He conti...
A. 12 October 2005: If you've had a few bad experiences, then I understand why you might think your guy is "too good to be true", but from the brief description you give, I think you're in luck!
Try not to succumb too fast to the feeling of being in love (I know it'... (read in full...)
Don't want to smother my girl. But what if she loses interest in me?
Q. I messed up and started to smother this girl I am talking to. We have gone out once in the past two weeks we have been talking. She even told me I was smothering her, after I asked her why she wasn't returning my texts, or calls. Right now she said ...
A. 12 October 2005: Well, there's one thing in your favour: your girlfriend will tell you what's on her mind, instead of hoping you take hints. Be grateful that she told you what was bothering her, so you could stop doing whatever it was that was making her ... (read in full...)
I thought his drinking habits would change when we got together...
Q. I have not seen my boyfriend for 3 days now because he has been in pubs instead of with me. He was in a long relationship before, and when they finished he turned to the pub. I thought it was going to change when we got together but it hasn't. ...
A. 10 October 2005: There's nothing you can say to change someone's actions and behaviours. Whether this guy is dulling his temporary pain, a heavy drinker, alcohol dependant or alcoholic, you can't change what he does. Only he can do that.
What you can do is defin... (read in full...)
Attracted to the girl-next-door, but she's only 15...
Q. Confused male. I am nearly 20 and recently I have found myself having feelings for my next door neighbour, but she is 15. I don't know what to do about it. Can anyone help? I mean it's only 4 years difference. Does this matter?...
A. 9 October 2005: Yes, those years matter. In fact, they're a crucial difference between a minor and an adult. If you think back to the boy you were at age 15, and contrast that to the person you are now, you'll get an idea what I'm on about.
A girl of 15 is looki... (read in full...)
My ex got my hopes up, then dumped me by text! Should I forgive and forget, like my friends say?
Q. One night, my friends were hanging out watching movies. My ex jokingly put his arm around me and another one of our friends calling himself a "pimp." It was funny so we all laughed. But then he took his arm off of the other girl and kept his other ...
A. 9 October 2005: Sorry, no. Dumping by text is unforgivable in my book. He wasn't even man enough to face you when he ditched you? Forget him!
You're not missing anything with your ex. If he'd do this to you when he's just joking around, what might he do to you w... (read in full...)
Four years with my husband, and suddenly: No sex!
Q. I hope this is for real. I'm desperate for advice! My husband and I have been together 4 years and suddenly: "no sex". He never caresses or kisses me. I have tried to ignore it when we do try and he can't keep it up but the last time I felt cheap ...
A. 9 October 2005: Any chance that your husband is having erectile problems? That sort of embarrassment can put the knocker on any sort of intimacy, because he may be afraid that kisses and caresses could lead to sex... and if he's having difficulty maintaining an ... (read in full...)
Orgasm questions...
Q. Is there a difference bewteen an orgasm and a climax? What about if you can't get an orgasm vaginally? And is it true that anal sex is dangerous? ...
A. 9 October 2005: 1. No difference. The terms are used interchangably.
2. There's no such thing as a "vaginal" orgasm. That was a myth promulgated since Victorian times and since disproved. To reach orgasm, a women needs stimulation of her clitoris, although... (read in full...)
Is having a "connection" on the same level as those Three Little Words..?
Q. My bf told me he felt a connection with me while we were on a ferris wheel in an amusement park. I felt confused because I felt it was too early in the relationship for him to say anything like that to me--I almost thought that equated to those ...
A. 9 October 2005: Possible overreaction. Give this guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe his "connection" just means "Wow, we're hitting it off and I wasn't sure we would!" To you, it obviously mean something more serious, but this isn't a rigidly defined term.
... (read in full...)
I think these signs mean that Mike likes me too...
Q. I really like this guy I have worked with for about 9 months. We will call him Mike. We used to have this really strange relationship where we just picked on each other constantly, and then slowly I started having feelings for him. I was wondering ...
A. 9 October 2005: It's not such a "strange" relationship that you've described; it's just a typically adolescent one. I don't mean to sound harsh, because everyone progresses from "chasies on the playground" through "Do his sarcastic put-downs mean he likes me?" - ... (read in full...)
I need to know if a relationship can survive when we'll be apart for months...
Q. Ive been dating a guy for a few months. Things are going really well but he's going away in a few months to work and won't be back till May next year. I knew this before we got together but now I'm starting to worry. I'm perfectly happy to wait for ...
A. 8 October 2005: The answer to your question is Yes. Many relationships have survived time and distance. If you want a historical example, think of the millions of relationships that survived the World Wars of the 20th Century, and all the couples that are separated ... (read in full...)
Am I in love with my teacher, or is this a crush?
Q. Hi everyone I am 16 and I want to know if I am in love with my 33 year old school teacher. I have meetings with him as he is my mentor, but whenever I see him my knees go weak and I get butterflies in my stomach really badly. I find it really h...
A. 8 October 2005: It's a crush. Definitely. Everything that you describe is common to thousands of generations of girls your age, and there won't be one single girl in your Year at school who hasn't had a similar crush on someone. (Speaking personally, back in the ... (read in full...)
I'm not supposed to have a boyfriend, so I have one behind my dad's back...
Q. Well see my problem is complicated. I have this ex-boyfriend that i was seeing for about 2 months before he left for Louisiana, and me and him only saw each other 2 times before he left. Well me and him were on the phone and emailing each other. One ...
A. 6 October 2005: You sound pretty young... or very naive, so I'd be listening to your dad and doing as he says. If you live under his roof and you're under the age of majority, then you have to live by his rules. (If I'm wrong and you're over 18, then you need more ... (read in full...)
I was a bit nervous when we met, and told him a stupid fib!
Q. This sounds a bit pathetic - but I just need a little advice. I am gay and met this boy a month ago and we have really hit it off. I am quite shy and nervous and on our first date I stupidly I told him I was from Manchester when in fact I am from N...
A. 6 October 2005: This doesn't have to be a big issue, just come clean with it.
Say something like: "Remember when we first met and I told you I was from Manchester? Well, I was really nervous at the time and I don't even know why I said that. I'm actually... (read in full...)
I'm late... but I can't be pregnant? Can I?
Q. Please help! My period is over a week late and I'm starting to think I maybe pregnant. This is very unlike me, I am usually quite regular and, if anything, I come on early. I thought I would come on as normal last week, as I was moody, bloated and ...
A. 6 October 2005: Yes, girl, you can be pregnant. No method of contraception is fail-safe all the time. Get tested. You will have more options if you confirm a pregnancy (or not) early.
It's easy to freeze up at times like this, and to wish things were differen... (read in full...)
I insisted my girlfriend tell me about her fantasies, but I didn't like what I heard!
Q. My girlfriend and I were having a frank discussion the other night, and I asked her if there was anyone besides me that she fantasized about having sex with. She didn't want to tell me, but I forced the issue because I felt like she was hiding ...
A. 5 October 2005: This is why you never "force the issue" with someone you care about, when it comes to matters of what goes on inside her head. You thought "she was hiding something", and now you know what it was. Do you feel better for knowing? No. Does she fee... (read in full...)
My guy won't introduce me to his folks. Is it because I'm black?
Q. Hello, I'm 20 yrs old black beauty. Been a serious relationship with this guy who is asian. My problem is ever time I ask to speak to his folks he never wants me to. He keeps promising me that he will do an intro. Well I know his mum and him are ...
A. 5 October 2005: It's not necessarily about race. He might be embarrassed that his own family are less-than-perfect and he doesn't want to introduce you because he's ashamed of *them*. Maybe his family live in a rubbish-filled caravan, with chickens roosting on the ... (read in full...)
I'm planning to meet my lover for sex, but I don't know why I'm doing it!
Q. I'm with a partner and I was always happy to stay at home and be housewife and mother. Then my life changed. I had a affair which only lasted a while until I finished it all. He was married. Now I don't feel the same anymore, as if i'm a differen...
A. 5 October 2005: You're bored, you miss the thrills of a new sexual partner, and - at age 40 - you need reassurance that you're still attractive.
Those are the usual reasons why women of our age go out and have affairs... but that doesn't excuse it! And that doe... (read in full...)
When I masturbate, I have no problems, but when it comes to sex, I can't get hard...
Q. Hi. I am a gay man recently out and every time I meet a guy and engage in sex I can't get hard. I have no problem masturbating on my own, in fact I love it. Can you help me please?...
A. 4 October 2005: Because you're only recently Out, is it possible that you're still coming to terms with your orientation? Maybe you're not quite "ready" to have a sexual relationship with someone else yet.
Pops has a point, inasmuch as you need to examine ... (read in full...)
Is there anything wrong with thinking about someone other than my partner when I'm pleasing myself?
Q. I need to know if it is normal for me to have sexual fantasies about men other than my fiance. When I am alone, and *ahem* pleasing myself, I sometimes think of someone other than my fiance. It's not someone I know well or see all the time. I don't ...
A. 4 October 2005: Nope, no difference, and I think that an enormous majority (scientifically guesstimated at 99.999%) of the population do this exact thing.
Short and sweet: you're perfectly normal.
Enjoy yourself!
... (read in full...)
Since I discovered my girl once slept with someone I know, I can't get the image out of my head!
Q. I'm with a girl I really really love, really deeply. But in a conversation when we was talking about our past sex lives I found out she had slept with somebody I know. It has begun to really bug me, to the point sometimes I don't look at her the ...
A. 4 October 2005: You need to remember that the reason that this is preying on your mind is due to your own insecurity. In other words, you're afraid that you don't 'measure up' (pun intended) to the other guy. When you think about them together, what your mind is ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and I think I'm a lesbian...
Q. I am only 15 and I think I am a lesi. I have slept with one guy and it just felt wrong. I keep looking at naked womon on the internet. What should I do?...
A. 3 October 2005: You don't have to "do" anything. Like the other posters suggested, you could just be confused about your sexuality, or you might also be a late bloomer in terms of your sexual orientation.
Age 15 isn't too soon to realise you're a lesbian,... (read in full...)
My son won't eat unless the meal includes corn chips...
Q. My son is 14. He is obsessed with eating cornchips; he had them for breakfast, then with his dinner; with ice-cream; and even for supper. He refuses to eat unless he has cornchips with his food; what do I do? How will this affect his health? ...
A. 3 October 2005: This just sounds like a dietary phase he's passing through, the way quite a few adolescents experiment with their diets. Some kids decide they're never going to eat greens, others decide to go vegan. Thankfully, a generally-healthy kid usually get ... (read in full...)
All we do is argue, but I can't imagine leaving him... Help me!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I love him very much and know he loves me. The problem is for the past few months we have done nothing but argue. I am so unhappy and have even thought about leaving, but I know I couldnt imagine life ...
A. 2 October 2005: Whoa nellie!
Let me just repeat all that back to you. You're engaged to a man who disagrees with you about "everything", with whom you "do nothing but argue", doesn't show any sign of seriously wanting to marry you, doesn't care about planning... (read in full...)
I hardly ever hear from my girlfriend anymore, since she asked me to back off...
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for six months now. Up till two months ago we spoke every day. She then asked me back off a bit. It has now got to the stage she rings a about every two weeks after I contact her first....
A. 2 October 2005: You probably should accept that this is her - very poor - way of breaking it off with you. It would have been better and kinder to you just to say "I'm sorry. I don't think we're working", but she hasn't decided to do that.
What you need to face ... (read in full...)
Is this just pre-wedding jitters? I can't stop thinking about a guy from work...
Q. Someone please help me...I am in pain emotionally. I am getting married in a few months time and I am supposed to be happy but I am confused. There is this guy in the office whom I met when I started work last year. There is some physical attract...
A. 1 October 2005: It sounds to me like you're unsure about getting married right now, and fixating on the guy at work gives you a fantasy outlet in which everything that's bothering you disappears.
You're smart to recognise this, but now you have to take things t... (read in full...)
We struggled to help our son start his new business, but he's just bone lazy!
Q. My 21 year old son started his own window-cleaning business about six months ago. My husband and I did everything we could to help him - giving him the almost exclusive use of our car, helping him out with petrol money,keeping his accounts, ...
A. 1 October 2005: What you need to do is let your son start cleaning up his own messes. You've been helping him and easing his path and padding Life's sharp edges for him for (I'm guessing) about 21 years now, and it's about time that he learnt to take care of ... (read in full...)
I think my girlfriend might have had a sexual relationship with her half-brother!
Q. I recently went through my girlfriends emails, which I know was wrong but I suspected something sick was going on. I found emails from her half brother from before we got together suggesting they were having a sexual relationship. It was consensua...
A. 30 September 2005: I can tell that this disturbs you, but it isn't your battle to fight. You don't "tell" anyone, least of all her mother. As you say, this young woman is over the age of consent. Even though it sounds sick to you, if she's choosing to have a sexual ... (read in full...)
He's more into porn and less into me. What can I do?
Q. I've noticed my boyfriend has recently been searching for porn on the web and recently we haven't been having sex half as much as we used to. Is it me?...
A. 30 September 2005: Go, Rebecca B! Spot on advice.
I know, I know. In the past I've defended mens' right to look at porn and enjoy it, but in cases like this, where it's taking the place of a healthy and enjoyable sex life with a willing and able partner, I agree: i... (read in full...)
When I'm alone is when I miss my ex the most... but I want to get over him!
Q. I have just broken up with my boyfriend and even though we weren't happy together I am finding it hard to get over him. I don't want him to get with anyone else even though I know we dont get on. Does anyone have any good tips on how I can get ...
A. 30 September 2005: It will take some time to get over him. It's always the case that when you've been in a relationship - good or bad - it takes a certain length of time to put it behind you.
Remind yourself of the things that didn't work out between you. Think ab... (read in full...)
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