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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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His very special to me but he is so lazy!
Q. dear cupid,i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and we are the BEST of friends..BIG problem he,s LAZY!!!!He makes excuses to not work and everytime i say something about working he gets upset.people tell me to DUMP him,but he,s very special ...
A. 20 May 2006: He's manipulating you. That makes you feel "special", does it? If it were me, I'd feel resentful and angry.
When you suggest he get a job, he "gets upset". Then you back off and things get back to normal; is that right? Then every time you two ... (read in full...)
I want out, but I am finding it impossible!
Q. i want out of my relationship of 10 years i have 3 kids, i suffer with depression and my partner is very domineering he stopped me working checks the milage on my car basically have no life. he wont let us split up i have tried to run away before ...
A. 20 May 2006: Get out the phone book as soon as you finish reading this, and look up "Domestic Violence", "Domestic Abuse" or "Women's Issues" in the government pages. There will be a freecall number where you can speak anonymously to a counsellor (usually a ... (read in full...)
He is not my intellectual equal
Q. so im with this great guy...problem is just(this is going to sound harsh)that he is not very intelligent. He is nice, sweet, caring, affectionate, tolerant and not jealous at all of my male friends. I am also very attracted to him physical...
A. 20 May 2006: You say that you want to be with him, but your level of disdain for his lack of achievement is clearly evident. It comes across as if you think you *should* want him, because he's nice and obviously worships you, but that, at a visceral level, you ... (read in full...)
Lose weight or my boyfriend?
Q. I have a problem...I have been with my boyfriend for 6 and a half years we have a child together. We were young when we got together and my child came along quickly and unplanned. I have always loved him but the past year or so I have been havi...
A. 20 May 2006: Sounds like your partner hasn't "grown up" as much as you want to think he has. If he's holding out on a family holiday because of a couple of extra kilos, then he's too fixated on your looks, and doesn't really care much about the person you ... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend like men?
Q. How can u tell if your boyfriend is gay? Umm all my friends think he's gay, although i thought he was just camp but its making me wonder, so can anyone tell me? I know it's stupid and he's probably not but i have to know. I already asked him but he ...
A. 20 May 2006: Are you dating him or your friends?
If you put so much stake in what your friends think of your every move, then why not just stay at home twiddling your thumbs and eating chocolates, and let your friends find A Perfect Man for you?
I'm kid... (read in full...)
Feeling the blues
Q. I get so upset alot. I'm young and depressed! Is that normal? It doesn't feel like it, but, I do really well in school, have lots of friends, but get so depressed! When i am depressed i write in my book, or write songs, do art. None of them seem to ...
A. 20 May 2006: Yes, being "young and depressed" is completely within the Normal range of feeling, particularly when you're in your teens and in school.
Each of us who has survived that period of our lives remembers with horror the pressure to perform, the horr... (read in full...)
He's very busy so should I call him instead of waiting around for his calls?
Q. to whom it may concern, i have been seeing a gentlemen for about 3 months now, he seem's to be sincere, he strongly believes in god and goes to church every day... when we get together we laugh alot and have fun being with each other... here...
A. 20 May 2006: If he's sincere, and you feel that he respects you and that he treats you well, then you have two choices. You can accept that his life is very full, and enjoy whatever time you have together, or you can decide that, good man or not, you're not ... (read in full...)
My ex got bitchy by text when I told her I still wanted to be with her...
Q. Ok, I'll try to keep this short. My ex girlfriend is going to Hawaii for a week with her rebound guy (started dating him right after we broke up and then had a fight). We have been broken up for just over 3 months, and while it was tough for a wh...
A. 19 May 2006: You're not *really* friends, though, are you? She's gritting her teeth, and you're hoping that that's a pathway to her loving you again, right? Mate: she's not interested. I'm sorry to rub your nose in it when you're already so hurt, but it's p... (read in full...)
How do I get my girlfriend back
Q. My girlfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. she broke up with me because i can sometimes be a little jealous and paranoid. This sounds quite normal, but we live next door to each other in halls of residence at university. we have been together ...
A. 19 May 2006: My suggestion is that you DON'T share a house with your ex. Find another place to live, and don't torture yourself. Your ex girlfriend is unlikely to be attracted to a jealous, paranoid, desperate limpet, and your hanging around endlessly is ... (read in full...)
Strangers! How can I make it like it was?
Q. My boyfriend doesn't pay any attion to me at all since I moved in with him and since then things have become really awkward. What can I do to get the relationship back on a loving level where we do not feel like strangers anymore?...
A. 19 May 2006: Martini is right. If moving in was the only change in your lives and that change made things awkward between you, then doesn't it seem obvious that you two weren't quite ready for that? Talk with him and discuss how your lives have chan... (read in full...)
How do I get a date with a girl at work?
Q. I am 22 and I have a crush on a girl from work. She's 17, and she only works 3 hours per week. Her friend/our colleague told her I like her, and although she isnt't exactly taken, she told her she doesn't know me well enough to go on a date. The ...
A. 15 May 2006: Mind games to 'Make Someone Jealous' are _always_ a bad idea. Try to scrub them out of your repertoire completely. Think about it: you flirted with someone else so she'd... what? Fling herself at you and beg to go out with you?
Have you ever hea... (read in full...)
How do I found out about moving out? Things like tax, mortgages, bills?
Q. Dear cupid, i am an eighteen-year old girl who lives in the UK. I have realised that I cannot live with my parents who are extremely unreasonable and so I want to move out. But they do not know this and I'm not abouit to tell them as they wou...
A. 16 April 2006: You can sort these things out one at a time, as they come up.
With taxes, you only need to know when you're required to file, a date which will be prominent on your government tax office website. As the reply said, your employer looks after ta... (read in full...)
Why isn't she enjoying it?
Q. Everytime I try to finger my girlfriend, she doesn't seem to get pleasure. It's easy to get her off by her grinding on me, but neither of us can figure out why she doesn't get pleasure from me inserting my fingers. Any advice would help....
A. 16 April 2006: Agree with Shania.
Here's a quick rundown on womens' sexual layout to give you some insight into how to fix this:
Most guys tend to regard a woman's vagina as like an "inverted penis", assuming that the sensations *you* get being inside are... (read in full...)
I've known her a week.. is it going too fast?
Q. Hi, maybe I just want some reassurance but do you people think that this could work? I met a girl 26, I am 32 a couple of weeks ago when I was out for a night on the town. I won't lie, we were very attracted to each other and by the end of the n...
A. 16 April 2006: What you've described sounds very promising, so I wish you well.
On a personal note, I met my husband and we moved in together within 3 days of meeting, and we've racked up 19 years together so far. So it is possible to have a success like thi... (read in full...)
Worried that my girlfriend is too hot to trot!
Q. God I'm really worried about the realtionship between me and my girl. I'm a 17 year old virgin and i'm getting worried my girlfriend is being alot closer than i would want just now. A couple of days ago she was round my house and we were just sor...
A. 16 April 2006: Tell her that you were a little shocked about what happened and that -- although it felt good -- it left you a little uncomfortable.
Be sure she knows that you're not *complaining*, exactly, but that you weren't comfortable with that level of... (read in full...)
Is my penis too tiny?
Q. I am 14 now. My penis is really tiny and I can't produce. Is this normal for my age?...
A. 15 April 2006: It's too early for you to worry. Puberty can happen at any age from 9-15, even later for some people. So it's just possible that you're a late-bloomer, and will catch up with the other guys in a year or so.
Here's an article you can read about de... (read in full...)
I think my sister is smoking and drinking. Do I mention it to our parents?
Q. Hello, I'm 14. Male. I have 2 sisters, one is 16 years old, the other is 18. I'm concerned about the 16 year old. When I was looking for some files on my computer I stumbled across pictures of my sister smoking. I didn't know this, I don't th...
A. 14 April 2006: Tough question.
I think you need to call the photo to the attention of your sister, not your mum. Quietly, and as neutrally as you can, point out to her that you found that photo on your computer and ask her what it means.
Knowing 16-ye... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a mess, but I still love him. Help me stop!
Q. I have been in a relationship for 3 1/2 years and the guy still is getting in trouble and drinking constantly. He has cheated on me recently and I still love him. Why? I know he will never change. I just want to be happy. How to do I let go? When...
A. 14 April 2006: You need to look inside your own self and find out why you want to be with someone who doesn't care about you and hurts you by cheating.
Are you frightened of being alone? That's the reason most women in your position stay with their men, even whe... (read in full...)
Is it a big deal to lose your virginity under the legal age? (UK - 16)
Q. JUST WANTING OPPINIONS COZ IM CURIOUS. Hey, I was just wondering that people though of sex at a legal age... What are your views? do you think teenagers should wait til there 16 before losing there virginity or do you think when the times right ...
A. 13 April 2006: The problem with sex in early teen years is that you barely even know what you're after. Is it orgasm? Is it companionship? Is it status? Is it luuuurrrve? Is it just curiosity?
If you're after orgasm, there are myriad ways to achieve that wit... (read in full...)
When is an age gap too big?
Q. when is an age gap too much?...
A. 13 April 2006: The age gap is probably too large when each of you is on a "different page" in your lives. For example, if you were ready to settle down and have kids, say at 28, and you were with someone who's still wild, say 21... that would have you at stages ... (read in full...)
She absolutely refuses to use contreception and won't let me wear a condom!
Q. My Girlfriend refuses to take the any form of contraception OR let me use a condom. It takes much of the pleasure out of sex for me as I am constantly thinking about preventing orgasm inside her. She has let me use a condom on a few occasions ...
A. 13 April 2006: There's an old joke that goes:
"What's the technical name given to people who rely on the Rhythm Method method of contraception?"
"Parents."
You and your girlfriend are taking an awful risk of pregnancy with this. Are you aware that you c... (read in full...)
Can i hurry him to confront his feelings??
Q. I need some advice. I split from my boyfriend two months ago and I hope a reconciliation may soon be on the cards. Although he is seeing someone else at the moment he says things aren’t going as planned and that he still feels a lot for me. He is cu...
A. 13 April 2006: Don't push. He's told you that he needs time to think his feelings through. Remember that a relationship is about BOTH of you, not just your desperation.
Be there if he wants to contact you, but don't initiate anything more. He hasn't forgotte... (read in full...)
I've cheated on my girlfriend and now she's pregnant!
Q. hello i am in a deep situation and i need some very truthful advise. I have been cheating on my 4 years girlfriend and with another girl for 8 months and now the 8 month girl is pregnant but i dont wanna be with her and i dont know how to tell my 4 ...
A. 13 April 2006: Time to start being honest, don't you think?
First, come clean to both women. Tell them both everything. Your longterm girlfriend deserves to know that you've been cheating behind her back (and exposing both of you to possible STIs), and that you... (read in full...)
I know that Texas is where I want to be, but how do I get started with immigrating?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am an 18 year old girl who is currently living in Britain. I have decided that I live in place which holds no future for me and so I am looking to move to Texas, America (where I lived for six months a few years back, and I know...
A. 12 April 2006: The US Immigration and Naturalization Service is very, very selective. They can afford to be, since they get at least 8 applicants for residency ("green card") for every vacancy each year. That's 400,000 applications for 50,000 spots! You'll need to ... (read in full...)
Help needed on "ladies" timings
Q. hi, this is a bit of a random question, and i'm 17 so i really should know this as i've had a good few years of experience. Does your period start a month after the END of your last period, or a month after the START of your last period?! so say t...
A. 9 April 2006: A typical cycle is 28 days long. That means that if your period starts on the 1st of the month, you can expect the next one to start on the 29th, or 28 days after the START of your period. (Sucks, doesn't it?)
However, there's no "rule" for the ... (read in full...)
I'm 16, a virgin and worried how my foreskin will behave during sex!
Q. i am 16 and i have got a girlfriend recently and its my first proper relationship i think we are going to get more physical shall we say im worried though 1 i am a virgin and she had a 1 year relationship with a boy so im worying i will not compare ...
A. 9 April 2006: This is a question that gets asked on this site quite a lot by young, uncircumcised men. If you're concerned about your foreskin, you probably should go and talk to your doctor about it. There are several treatments for a tight foreskin. Believe me, ... (read in full...)
Worried that my dad will go crazy when he sees the phone bill I've racked up!
Q. Eek! I spoke to this girl i really like.. vice versa last night and i didnt realise it was her mobile! I phoned her for 1 hour and a half.. its going to cost my Dad about £90. Im so worried hes going to find out. Damn it i feel so guilty. What...
A. 9 April 2006: Yes, of course he's going to find out. Who opens the bills at *your* house? The goldfish?
You need to admit your mistake to your dad BEFORE he finds out from the phone biller. Tell him the truth, that you didn't realise that it was a mobile p... (read in full...)
I want to call him but I'm shy so I don't know what to say! Any ideas or tips?
Q. Dear Cupid, As some of you may remember, about a month or two ago, I posted about a friend of mine (Tim*) that had been doing drugs. Well, after getting released from the hospital, he went to live with his mother in a different town a...
A. 6 April 2006: Well, the message that he seems to be sending from ignoring your texts and so forth is "Not now".
Sometimes people need their space, and it sounds like Tim is there right now. He doesn't want any of his old crowd to contact him; if he did, he'... (read in full...)
Two problems. Nothing to say and I don't get "happy drunks" - is it cos I smoke?
Q. i always run out of things to talk about with girls and then it turns into awkward silence can u help? and i never get happy drunk why could this be i smoke alot while drinking and dont smoke normaly would this mong me out? plz reply...
A. 6 April 2006: Talking with girls is like talking with any of your own friends. The best tactic is always to ask friendly questions and listen to the answers. People who do that always end up making other people feel good, and generally they get a reputation for ... (read in full...)
He hurts me when we make love..is it because he's jealous of other men and is being this way on purpose?
Q. hi, im hoping i can solve this. i am seeing a very hot guy..we are sleeping togther. im a 27 yr old female and he is 22 years old. We were good family friends and i had no idea he liked me. Until sometime later he told me. It wasnt until one night ...
A. 6 April 2006: Whoa... A boyfriend who continues to have sex with you when you've asked him to stop, and who continues to bang away, HURTING YOU, until you *cry*... is a boyfriend you _run_ _away_ _from_.
You don't need to change your feelings. Your feelings... (read in full...)
He introduces me to others as "his very good friend"! We've been dating four years..so why is he doing that?
Q. my boyfriend of over 4 years introduced me to a male friend of his as his very good friend. what does that really make me?...
A. 6 April 2006: For whatever reason, he's not ready to admit to having you as his girlfriend. This could be an insecurity of his, or a pressure placed on him by loved ones, or maybe he's just very, very unsure of where you stand and doesn't want to label your ... (read in full...)
Hey Moderaters how do you know if the question is a hoax?
Q. Hi there, A question about dearcupid.org. I read one question on here and someone suspected it of being a hoax. How can you tell whether the article is a hoax or not?? A.N. Other??...
A. 2 April 2006: Usually if it's just too weird -- "I'm in love with my cousin's donkey" -- that sort of thing. Also, some people post the same type of question over and over, and it has the same theme each time.
Most of the hoaxes don't get through, and I would ... (read in full...)
How do I break up with this man?
Q. I want to break-up with my fiance' of almost 1yrand1/2. I am afraid of what he will do considering his past and people that he know's. I cannot take his nasty attitude and dispoisition all the time. I live in the USA/Maryland Please Help....
A. 29 March 2006: Your letter is a little short on detail, so it's hard to tell if you're living together and would therefore have to 'explain' what's going on, or whether you're just dating and could break up with a little more distance between you.
Eithe... (read in full...)
We can never have ongoing conversations. We need help!
Q. Silence that is causing boredom in our relationship! When me and my girlfriend are just sitting down in front of the tv or sitting in the car, there are times when we would have nothing to say to each other and get totally bored of one another a...
A. 23 March 2006: If conversation is running dry, and you really feel that it's "boredom", then possibly, yes, you aren't suited to each other. Look at other aspects of your relationship, such as what you do when you're together, and how you feel about him as a man ... (read in full...)
Why am I suddenly freaking about the age gap?
Q. My fiance and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. We have been through a lot together and that has bought us even closer. The only problem is that he is 14 years older than I am. I am 21 and he is 35. Right now that sounds like it's not that ...
A. 22 March 2006: You might be outgrowing this relationship. Think about the person that you were when you met your fiance, and about the attitudes you held, the friends you knew, the things that were vitally important to you at that time. Are they the same things as ... (read in full...)
I feel despondent as nothing ever goes my way.
Q. I feel despondent as nothing ever goes my way. I want to leave home, I'm 23,not allowed to move out. I want to go overseas my parents are blackmailing me emotionally. I hate my job, and I hate my life, and when i talk with them they don't understand ...
A. 19 March 2006: Go anyway.
You're an adult. You'll be fine.
If they try to guilt you, smile sweetly and say "You raised me right. I'm smart and I know how to take care of myself. Thanks!"
Then go. No biggie. Sheesh. ... (read in full...)
Abused as a child, I get panic attacks and can't socialise properly. Now I'm afraid I'll be called a nut job for going to a psychologist!
Q. Hi there people I hope all those great agony aunts like d4uo4 can help!! Well, I am worried I'll lose everything that I have got. I'm 21 and I was abused as a child. And although years have passed I still find it really really hard to carry on...
A. 18 March 2006: Do go and see the doctor you've been referred to. Having a few unenlightened idiots think less of you doesn't really warrant a lot of concern. Why would you care what an idiot thinks? And someone who would label you a "nut job" for being treated by ... (read in full...)
I don't know if what I am doing is ok for this guy and his relationship. HELP!
Q. So I've met this really great guy. We have a lot in common, the chemistry is undeniably there, and we have a ton of fun. Recently, we've been getting closer - hanging out one-on-one, etc. Earlier this week he got my phone number, and we made a ...
A. 18 March 2006: It all sounds on the up and up, and clearly you're trying to do the right thing, but it comes down to this: if you were this guy's girlfriend, and living with him, would you feel like the time he spends with another woman (eg: you) is excessive? ... (read in full...)
He's choosing weed over me and I don't know what to do.
Q. hi erm.. well rite now im sat alone in my bed room because my boyfriend has chosen his friends and weed over me! i suppose it is my fault 4 actually not saying anything to him wen he smoked it in front of me bt not when hes leaving me on my own all ...
A. 18 March 2006: He's already made his choice, though, hasn't he?
If you DON'T mention dope again, then he thinks he's in the clear and gets to smoke it with his mates.
If you DO mention it again, he'll break off with you, so he'll go and smoke it with his mate... (read in full...)
I just want him to leave off, but how do I do that?
Q. How do I tell a guy to leave me alone? I think this guy likes me becouse he's always picking on me and you know how weird some guys show that they like a certain girl....
A. 18 March 2006: If it were me, I'd just say "OK, that's enough" and walk away.
The reason he's picking on you and doing whatever it is he's doing is that it gets a response from you. If you withhold a response, he doesn't get rewarded, and he'll eventual... (read in full...)
She's already mentioned marriage after 4 dates, is this normal?
Q. Relationship material - yes or no? I am male, 52, and some while ago i split up with my wife after 30 years together and since then i have been very wary of geting involved with another female in a relationship... recently tho i have met a very...
A. 18 March 2006: My feeling is the the first few dates should be when you're on your 'best behaviour' and trying to make a good impression, because, as we all know, we dress up nice and take extra care at first, before we tend to relax a bit as months and years roll ... (read in full...)
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