Like what
she writes?
... Add *ev Conolly to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
|
|
When I'm alone is when I miss my ex the most... but I want to get over him!
Q. I have just broken up with my boyfriend and even though we weren't happy together I am finding it hard to get over him. I don't want him to get with anyone else even though I know we dont get on. Does anyone have any good tips on how I can get ...
A. 30 September 2005: It will take some time to get over him. It's always the case that when you've been in a relationship - good or bad - it takes a certain length of time to put it behind you.
Remind yourself of the things that didn't work out between you. Think ab... (read in full...)
Did we screw up by sleeping together before we get married?
Q. Hi! Okay it's like this. I'm 24 librian and he's 35 librian. Both single and both been with 3 partners each. I have been very good friends with this man for 5 years no but only together 7 weeks. During this time we have always had a connecti...
A. 30 September 2005: What's important is what your boyfriend thinks about your sleeping together, not what your mum thinks.
Although her words may have rung true a generation or two ago, your mum's a bit out of touch. The majority of couples sleep together long bef... (read in full...)
Are my ex and his roommate gay..?
Q. My ex has a male roommate to save on expenses. They go everywhere together, cook for one another, buy each other birthday gifts, and they're planning a vacation to the Virgin Islands--together....Am I being presumptuous to think they may be gay or ...
A. 30 September 2005: The bigger question is, why would you care?
It sounds to me like your ex is making the most of the fact that he's single and unencumbered (to which I say, good for him). In fact this doesn't sound gay at all to me; it sounds more like two guys... (read in full...)
Too shy to talk to the girl directly, I sent her a poem and a rose instead...
Q. Hi I have fallen for a Girl and am too shy to go and speak to her I didn't know what else to do so I sent her a rose with a poem telling her that I liked her and that I wanted to ask her out. I left a text number but she didn't reply. I guess s...
A. 30 September 2005: Speaking from my own, minimal experience, it's possible that your romantic gesture was misunderstood as a joke. The girl might either be completely taken aback (as Pops said, maybe you overdid it, since she doesn't even know about your crush), or ... (read in full...)
I want to say something to the girl at school, but something keeps stopping me!
Q. Please help me, I really like this girl in my school and I see her every day. I am getting stressed out because it is like one part of me says say something to her and the other side is stopping me from doing this. Has anyone experienced this ...
A. 29 September 2005: I think *everyone* has experienced this. Believe me, it's common to the human race, particularly early in your teens, when all this attraction-to-the-other-sex is new and strange.
Don't feel like you have to explain your every feeling to the girl... (read in full...)
Sixteen years old and I'm still a virgin! Why can't I get this guy interested?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am 16 and still a virgin. I really want to have a sexual relationship. I don't currently have a boyfriend. However, I really like this guy who I have known for about 2 months and he has a great personality. The problem is he do...
A. 29 September 2005: At your age it's normal and completely understandable that you're curious about and interested in having, and probably craving, a sexual relationship, but I think you're putting the cart before the horse!
Just because you feel like you want a s... (read in full...)
I thought he'd chase me, but I'm chasing him!
Q. Hi,I broke up with my bf of 18 months cos I felt he was taking me for granted and thought he would fight for me. He chased for 1 week and then it backfired in my face and I ended up begging him back. I know he loves me and if I didnt break up with ...
A. 29 September 2005: Silly mind games do not make for a strong relationship!
Stop trying to anticipate ways that you can trick him into acting a certain way. Is he a trained seal? No. He's your boyfriend, and you should be treating him with the same respect and care... (read in full...)
My son had 27 bottles of slimming pills in his room... Why?
Q. I am a mother of two. My sons are 16 and 21. When I was cleaning out the house the other day, I found 20 bottles of slimming pills in my 16-year-old son's room. (They were all unopened by the way) I also found 7 more bottles of slimming pills u...
A. 27 September 2005: A couple of thoughts come to my mind.
First is that your son may have hoarded these pills because of some perception about his own appearance. Maybe he has a feeling that he's getting fat and sees these pills as a "security blanket" he can use.... (read in full...)
My fiance is gorgeous and I love him; I just don't feel sexual around him.
Q. I have been with my fiance for a year. We live together and plan to marry next year. I just dont feel sexual with him. He is gorgeous and I love him dearly but I don't get turned on by him. He is getting frustrated and says it's OK but it's driving ...
A. 27 September 2005: Please put the wedding plans on hold until you both feel that this issue is satisfactorily resolved. Don't kid yourself that sex isn't really important in a committed relationship, or that "things will work out somehow" if you just ignore the ... (read in full...)
Should I have a go with a woman of 39?
Q. Hiya, I'm 16 years old and I'm dating a woman of 39. She looks good. We are always having a laugh. She's always there for me and we are great together. We're talking about making a proper go of things. She doesn't have any children, and is...
A. 26 September 2005: I was in a situation similar to yours once, and the only reason that I'm weighing in to the discussion is to add those "two cents", because I think both Rebecca and Irish have given excellent answers for you to think about.
My situation was with... (read in full...)
A Catch-22: Inexperience with women makes me hesitant to try dating!
Q. Hello basically I'm a 22 year old male who has never had a girlfriend or any kind of relationship. This is really affecting my life and my confidence. I am good looking but I lack self esteem I am also very nervous because of my sexual inexperience. ...
A. 25 September 2005: The way to start is to get to know women as friends first, so that having a more profound relationship doesn't seem so unknown and threatening. If you know a woman whose friendship develops into a mutual attraction, (which is the best way to start a ... (read in full...)
The girl I like will kiss me any time I want her to... but she already has a boyfriend!
Q. There is a girl that I like. I told her how I feel and I kissed her. She even kissed me back but she tells me that she has a boyfriend. I don't understand because she kisses me any time I want her to. Does she like me or is she confused as well? ...
A. 25 September 2005: She's probably more confused than you are.
If she has a "boyfriend", why is she sneaking around his back and kissing you? That's not very respectful of him, is it?
She needs to make up her mind once and for all, who she wants. If she wants to ... (read in full...)
Everything feels like it's going to crash down on me!
Q. Hello. My name is Robert I'm 15 years old and I have a problem. I live in Spain and 4 months ago my father got chucked into prison. This is absoloutely terrible for me. I have a great relationship with my dad and now I can only see ...
A. 22 September 2005: Hi Robert,
I'm sorry that you have to go through this right now. It's going to be a difficult year for you, so you'll have to resolve to be strong and determined, in order to get through it.
The first thing you need to do is to find someone to ... (read in full...)
I'm interested in a work colleague, but worried I might still be on the rebound
Q. I have recently broken up with a long term girlfriend and find myself attracted to a work colleague. I am 34 and she is 23 but we are compatable in many ways; Similar background and upbringing etc. I have known her for 12 months and worked with her ...
A. 22 September 2005: My advice is, go slow with the new girl, but do get to know her as a friend.
Two months after a 6-years-long relationship is proportionately pretty quick and it's possible that you're still (emotionally) flailing around, looking for a new anch... (read in full...)
Can get sex easily, but I'd like a proper relationship!
Q. I am an attractive 53 year old woman who is finding it impossible to meet someone who will commit to them. I have no trouble attracting men, but they only ever want sex. As that's not what I'm about I very rarely see them again. What is it about me ...
A. 21 September 2005: I don't think there's anything about You that's wrong. You're entitled to want what you want, and with a worldwide population of nearly 3 billion men, there's bound to be a few out there who want the same things. Hold out for your desires!
Be su... (read in full...)
I'm apparently not "the one" my boyfriend is looking for, but he wants me to stick around anyway...
Q. I have been seeing my boyfriend for 3 months. We met on the internet and hit it off straight away. We have loads in common and everything is fantastic. We both agree on this! But after 4 dates he told me I wasn't 'the one'. We carried on seeing e...
A. 21 September 2005: Call me an old cynic (because I am), but I see this situation differently from the other respondents.
The feeling I get from this is that he's telling you up front that there's no long-term future, and yet he's keeping you around as "a back up"... (read in full...)
He says he needs space. OK, but how much space?
Q. My boyfriend told me he doesn't want to break up but needs some space. How long should I wait before I call him? Or see him? I want to respect him and give him time to work out his issues, but not give him permission to leaving me totally hanging ...
A. 21 September 2005: It's a fine line between "we're breaking up" and "give me an infinite amount of space and maybe I'll call you... later".
In fact, it's such a fine line that they're effectively the same thing and you might as well treat it as such.
It's a ... (read in full...)
My 16-year-old son wants to marry his girlfriend... soon.
Q. I am concerned about my 16 year old son who has expressed the desire to marry his girlfriend soon. What problems will he face if he marries now? Thanks, Janet...
A. 21 September 2005: What's your son's rush? Has he explained why it's so important that he get married right now? Is his girl pregnant, for example? Does he want to move out of home, and think that getting married is a E-ticket to Adulthood?
Speaking from personal... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm nothing more than a slave to my boyfriend in prison!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend now for 2 years. He has spent most of our time with each other in jail though, and the thing is, when he is at home we are great together. I couldn't have been happier but the way he is now is changing the way I feel ...
A. 20 September 2005: You're not going to like this, I'm afraid...
Hon, you are getting exactly NOTHING out of this relationship, so why do you insist that you love this guy? What's he done that deserves your special affection? Is it the financial demands that make you... (read in full...)
I fancy my teacher and I don't know if I should tell him...
Q. Hi everyone, I wondered if anyone can help me. I am 16 and I am really friendly with a 32 year old male teacher at my school. He is like a best friend to me he has helped me through some really tough times in my life. I tell him everything, but I ...
A. 20 September 2005: What would you gain by telling him you fancy him? More to the point, what would you lose? You say that you don't want things to change between you, but if you admit to the way that you're feeling, they will change -- and in a big way, as he will ... (read in full...)
A fling with the boss... but now I'm pregnant!
Q. Hi, I need some help! I did get together with my boss, like a one night stand, but now I've just found out I'm 2months gone! I don't know what to do!! Could someone help me please??...
A. 19 September 2005: You need to tell your boss right away about the pregnancy and decide whether to keep the child, give it up for adoption or terminate the pregnancy. If it's going to be the latter, you need to make an informed decision in the next few weeks, so don't ... (read in full...)
I'm short-statured... and I think makes girls overlook me!
Q. Hi I'm 17 and 18 within the next week and I'm having girl problems. The main problem really though is lack of girls. The reason for this is because I'm reasonably short for a guy at 5'4". This is the past has made girls not interested and not given ...
A. 19 September 2005: Being on the shorter side of average is no barrier to getting girls! Not if you're friendly and happy and good company. Girls want to be around guys who make them feel special and attractive and who can make them laugh. Honestly, although it feels ... (read in full...)
I've never had a long-term relationship. Is it because they want sex?
Q. I'm 18 and a virgin and also never had a girlfriend. I am always meeting with girls and dating them, I always decide not to rush into things too quickly, so I never become bf/gf with someone over night. I never make the first move and I never sugg...
A. 19 September 2005: One thing you can do is try to rein in the porn habit. Masturbation is fine, because it helps to relax you and will allow you to focus on something other than sex for a little while, but fixating on porn will ultimately warp your ideals and distort ... (read in full...)
Afraid to say or do anything that might brand me a fool. Help...
Q. All my life I've been seriously affected by an inferiority complex - which has worsened over the years by an abusive relationship. Recently I met someone I really like but I'm afraid-afraid of making a fool out of myself--- What should I do?...
A. 19 September 2005: I'm so sorry about your former relationship, but the fact that you're out of it now shows that you have character, strength and perhaps more of a resilience than you realised. Those are all good points.
Without knowing a lot more about the pers... (read in full...)
She gives me a big smile and she's really friendly... Does it mean she likes me?
Q. Dear Cupid... I'm in year 10 at secondary school and there's this girl in my tutor group who I think might like me. I don't know much about all these signals and stuff, but every time I see her she walks up to me, stops me, puts a big smile on her ...
A. 19 September 2005: Don't worry about "signals". Shee! The way some blokes talk about girls and signals, you'd think there was a row of lights on our foreheads: Green = Come hither, Amber = Try and see, Red = I'm calling the cops.
OK, Now I've got that out of my sy... (read in full...)
He only rings up at the last minute. Am I just a booty call?
Q. I'm an emotional wreck! I am 47, divorced and have been seeing someone for a little over a year. He is 44, never married, but lived with someone for 9 yrs, he has been on his own for 6yrs. He stated from the beginning that he did not want a ...
A. 19 September 2005: Well, I'd say that's because he's using you.
On some level he knows that your feelings for him are deeper than his for you, and because he knows that you're waiting for him, he's using you as a back-up for when his other plans fall through.... (read in full...)
I regret chewing him out. Now what?
Q. My boyfriend was ignoring me so I went to his house and said some relly evil personal stuff to him and then stormed out, I want him back what should I do?...
A. 19 September 2005: The first thing you do is recognise that you really overstepped the boundaries of a loving relationship.
I mean, really. He was "ignoring" you, so you said "evil stuff" to him? Why? What gave you the right to do that? You're not four years ol... (read in full...)
I've resorted to snooping around, to find "proof" that my boyfriend is cheating...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now. (I'm 20.) I am very insecure about our relationship. I don't even know why. I get so jealous when he text messages other girls that are his friends, that like him or are ex-girlfriends. He doesn't ...
A. 17 September 2005: You don't know why you get insecure when he texts other girls? Really? Then I can *tell* you why. Brace yourself:
You get insecure because you're afraid that his friendships with other women will turn into love attractions and he'll be tempted ... (read in full...)
I'm miserable because the young man I see myself with has already given his virginity away...
Q. I'm 15, gay, and a virgin, and I am saving sex 'til marriage. I believe that I have found someone I truly love dearly.... he's 14... but I can't seem to get over the fact that he has already given his virginity away to someone. It's especially ...
A. 17 September 2005: OK, we'll put your extreme youth - and the unlikelihood of your getting married any time soon - on the back burner for now, as well as the issue of gay marriage, generally (which causes conflagration in countries such as the US).
What I do want ... (read in full...)
She's laid down the law, and she won't go anyplace with me where people might be smoking cannabis...
Q. Dear agony aunt, I have recently got together with a girl that I met and have been a couple for about 3 weeks. From the outset I made it clear to her that I smoke the occasional bit of cannabis. She also made it clear that she was not a fan of i...
A. 15 September 2005: You've made your position clear "from the outset", as you say. But don't forget that she has every right to have her opinion, too.
You want to continue to smoke cannabis; she won't go anyplace where people are doing that. Quite apart from my ... (read in full...)
We seemed to have a good time together. Why no reply to my text?
Q. I have met a great guy, we ended up spending the night together but didn't have sex. I told him I wasn't into one night stands. He said that was fine and he appreciated my honesty. I took his phone number - he didn't take mine. I asked if we would...
A. 12 September 2005: I hate to be such a cynic, but from what you tell me, this guy was definitely looking for sex, and when he didn't get it, he figured there was no value in staying in touch with you.
Sure, he *said* he'd stay in touch, but his actions speak lo... (read in full...)
When she dumped me, she said she "wasn't paying me enough attention". What's that mean?
Q. OK, so I've been going out with this girl for a while; like a three or four months, and I think I'm in love with her. But she just dumped me because she said that she wasn't paying enough attention to me and it wasn't fair for me. What is she real...
A. 12 September 2005: I'm sorry to tell you that she "just wasn't that into you". Her saying that she wasn't paying you enough attention wasn't meant literally; it was the kindest way she could think of to say, "I'm not really interested in going out any more".
By do... (read in full...)
Over a few drinks I got intimate again with my ex, then he dumped me a second time!
Q. I have went through a painful breakup from my 3 year relationship about 2 months ago and was just starting to see a "light at the end of the tunnel", when he said he wanted to see me again and that he was missing me terribly. Against my better ...
A. 11 September 2005: Maybe you should have seen his real motives (sex without obligation), under his thin veneer of "I miss you", but you didn't. It was an honest mistake because you hoped that he was sincere. Now don't beat yourself up about it. He didn't dump you ... (read in full...)
So, we're friends, but how do I know if she likes me in the same way?
Q. I'm a 16 year old male in year 11 at school. There's a really good looking girl who I think I'm good friends with and I really like her. She's really talkative to me and laughs at some of the jokes and stuff, but how do I know if she likes me in the ...
A. 11 September 2005: Give it time. Don't feel like you have to rush into anything. If she's interested, she'll start giving you unambiguous signals, like, for instance, touching you while she's laughing at your jokes.
Girls at your age (I know; I used to be one) are... (read in full...)
I'm terrified by the idea of getting close to women!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have problems with women. I am scared of them, or for that matter, scared of at least going close to them. It happened to me quite a few times that I felt terrified in the presence of a woman, a woman of authority for example, at ...
A. 11 September 2005: Try not to read all women as being your mother, for a start!
You're making the mistake of tarring all females of the species with the same brush. Your thinking goes: I'm scared of my mum. My mum is a woman. Therefore, I should be scared of women... (read in full...)
My fiance won't stand up to his family, who treat me terribly!
Q. I recently got engaged to the man I have been seeing for the last year and a half. I thought things would be wonderful but I soon found myself diappointed. His family has never liked me from the get go. They are European and since I am not, ...
A. 8 September 2005: His family don't respect you - you already know that - but your fiance doesn't care that much about you, either. I don't think you're recognising that fact.
The way that he's brushing it off ("I wasn't there...") suggests that he puts the happines... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid after my dream about my sometimes violent fiancee?
Q. i am about to get married and last night I had a dream that i was confronted by a woman who had sexual relations with my fiance recently. I know it is my subconscious going crazy but it has brought up issues from our lengthy relationship where many ...
A. 8 September 2005: Listen to your intuition!
Ask yourself if you really want to spend the rest... of... your... life... (think about how long that is) with someone who lies and thinks that's normal, or that you have to tiptoe around for fear of a violent reaction... (read in full...)
My dream guy is 19, and he lives on the other side of the world!
Q. I am 15 years old and fell in love with a guy over the internet who's 19. I trust him and care about him a lot and couldn't imagine my life without him and he is in love with me. I would love to meet up with him but the problem is he lives in Austr...
A. 7 September 2005: Since you're 15 and living in England, there's almost zero chance of the two of you visiting and really getting to know each other, so why not treat this as an especially nice friendship for now?
You may feel that you're in love with him and have... (read in full...)
He loves me so much that he's angry and jealous about other guys all the time...
Q. Hello, I am after desperate help to save my relationship with my partner. I am 22 years and he is 40 years. We are soul mates! We have been through so much more grief than anyone should have to go through however it has meant that we have become so ...
A. 6 September 2005: These jealous rages are his control issues. If he's not willing to address the reason for them, then they will get worse with time. The fact that he's not willing to go and try to get his feelings sorted with a professional makes me very, very ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid I'll never grow taller!
Q. Hi, please could you help me? I am 15 and all my life so far I have been small - but recently I grew taller than my sis and my mom (who is small anyway) but I'm still not as tall as my mates or most 15 year olds but smaller people than me before are ...
A. 6 September 2005: I've got good news for you... Fifteen is wwwwaaaayyyy too early to worry about your final height. Most boys do the majority of their growing in height between 15-17, and many men don't "fill out" with muscle mass until they're in their 20s.
It's ... (read in full...)
Help! Things are moving too fast. I'm 12 and my boyfriend is 17...
Q. Hi, I need some advice about my boyfriend. I'm 12 and he's 17, we've been together for 2 months I really love him but things are moving a bit fast for me. We haven't even told my parents yet and he's talking about having sex! He has had sex with...
A. 3 September 2005: Do NOT have sex with him! I'll repeat that. Do NOT have sex with him.
You said it yourself: you're not ready. Things are moving too fast. You don't know much about sex. You don't have anyone to talk to about it.
With all that in the backgroun... (read in full...)
| *ev Conolly's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ev Conolly has
added them and they have added *ev Conolly!
|
