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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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If I can't get oral from my girlfriend, can I get it somewhere else?
Q. My girl doesn't want to give me oral sex anymore. But there is this other woman who told me she she wants to give me oral sex. Is there a way I can get my girl to give me oral or do I go to the other woman?...
A. 18 November 2005: Whether you go to the other woman for oral sex depends on how much you value your relationship with your current girlfriend.
How do you think your girl would react to finding out that some other woman has her mouth around your penis? Pretty b... (read in full...)
My baby's father only comes around to borrow something, or for a favour... or for sex!
Q. I think my bf, with whom I share a child, doesn't love or care for me any more. He doesn't call or come around, and when he does, it seems like it's only for a ride, sex, money or something stupid like that. He will go days without calling me. (But ...
A. 17 November 2005: The short answer is: you're not married to him. You don't HAVE to make it work.
From the little you've written, he sounds like a capital-L Loser and a sponge. You and your child would be better off if your baby doesn't grow up thinking that you... (read in full...)
I can't seem to have a talk with my fiance!
Q. I don't know were to begin, I love my fiance very very much. But to honest there are a lot of things we need to talk about I just don't how to talk to him. It sounds wierd because we known each other for so long, but when I go to talk to him, I just ...
A. 17 November 2005: Don't you think it would be a good idea to hold off on the wedding? Should you really be talking about *marrying* a man who "laughs at" you when you try to get something off your chest?
Good communication skills are the absolute cornerst... (read in full...)
Help me read between the lines of what a woman is saying...
Q. Dear Cupid, Please give me some insight into a woman’s thought process. What does it really mean when a woman tells a guy “They are really busy” or “They have a lot on their mind” while they are dating. What should a guy do if this is what they are...
A. 10 November 2005: It's the nicest way she can think of to say "I'm sorry, but we don't really match in ways that are important to me". She's not interested in continuing dating, but she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, either.
Bear in mind that she's only one... (read in full...)
Help me read between the lines of what a woman is saying...
Q. Dear Cupid, Please give me some insight into a woman’s thought process. What does it really mean when a woman tells a guy “They are really busy” or “They have a lot on their mind” while they are dating. What should a guy do if this is what they are...
A. 10 November 2005: It's the nicest way she can think of to say "I'm sorry, but we don't really match in ways that are important to me". She's not interested in continuing dating, but she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, either.
Bear in mind that she's only one... (read in full...)
I keep getting knockbacks from girls and it's affecting my self-confidence!
Q. Help! I've been turned down. Again. Again as in about 20 times... i feel really unwanted and depressed. I also feel ugly because nobody seems to say yes and It makes me lower my confidence... I felt really confident today when I asked this girl out ...
A. 10 November 2005: I feel for you, but don't worry that you're being rejected because you're unlovable or "ugly". The most likely real reason is that you're either approaching women who don't know you well enough to say Yes (eg: some woman waiting for a bus), or ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with him before or after the holidays?
Q. I have lots of problems, but one is whether I should stay with my boyfriend or not? We've been together for just over a year, but two months ago i finished with him and after three weeks, we decided to give it another try. He's very jealous an...
A. 8 November 2005: I concur with the other aunts. If you know it's over, cut the ties now; it's not exactly like you're leaving him hanging on Christmas Eve. There are weeks left before then.
Be kind, but have resolve when you break up. His reaction is up to him, ... (read in full...)
After just a few months together, all my bf wants to do is talk about moving in together and getting married!
Q. What should I do when my boyfriend of three months is arleady making plans to get married and move in together? Every time we see each other I feel like that's all he wants to talk about, I've even caught him looking at wedding cakes magazines and ...
A. 8 November 2005: Beware!
Your guy may just be sweet and overwhelmed by love for you, but pushing for a fast commitment and ignoring your discomfort about it is also a big red flag, a warning sign that you may be dating a potential abuser.
I've been there, so I... (read in full...)
So many barriers between me and the girl I'm seeing... Should I just move on?
Q. I'm 20 years old and recently got dumped by my girlfriend after 3 years. I was pretty cut up but got over it after about a week. I thought she was the only one for me and that I wouldn't find anyone else. However, 1 month later I met a another girl. ...
A. 6 November 2005: I think it's worth pointing out that you started your letter saying that you were totally cut up about breaking up with your ex, because you thought you never thought you'd "find anyone else", then - a MONTH later! - you fell in love with someone ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid if I marry my boyfriend, he'll continue his late nights at the pub while I continue to wait for him to come home!
Q. I am writing this because I am at the end of my patience with a realtationship. When we met I was overwelmed by the love and happyness in the realtionship and after 3 years togther we have got a lovely house and we often talk about getting married ...
A. 5 November 2005: One aspect about marriage that surprises some people (I wish I knew why) is that getting married doesn't change a person from one thing into another. A player doesn't necessarily reform into a one-woman man. A slob doesn't suddenly morph into a ... (read in full...)
Not sure how my best friend will react when I tell her that I'm bi...
Q. Recently I have accepted myself as being bisexual. I'm comfortable with it myself, but I'm not sure if others will be so I haven't told many people yet. I have three best friends (all girls) and only one of them knows about it. I want to tell the...
A. 5 November 2005: Yes, you should tell her. For one thing, if she's really as good a friend as you describe, she'll love you just as much, regardless of your sexual orientation, because that's how friends accept each other. If things between you change after you ... (read in full...)
We only have time for sex now and then, but we cuddle often. Are we abnormal, like my friend says?
Q. I have been happily married w/ my husband for the past 2 years. ours was a love match and we were together for 5 years. Though we are from different backgrounds, economic, social and caste, our families get along great too. in short life is perfect. ...
A. 5 November 2005: Of course it's not abnormal. Ignore your so-called "friend", who is probably merely envious that you and your husband are so happy together.
If there is any single rule about sex between consenting adults it should be: "Have sex when it pleases ... (read in full...)
He's not gay or getting it elsewhere, so why doesn't my man want sex?
Q. I'm 27 years old and have been in a relationship for a 2 years with a man I love. The problem is he just does not want sex. I feel unloved and neglected by him. I have researched the problem and tried to encourage him to see a counsellor but he just ...
A. 3 November 2005: Have you considered that he might be having erectile problems? He might not be able to get hard enough for sex and is embarrassed to admit it.
ED affects a large swathe of the male population from time to time, but I sometimes think that every ma... (read in full...)
I have to work off my room and board with my girlfriend!
Q. Ok, I'm a 26 year old male. I absolutely despise my girlfriend though....and I live with her in a house she is paying-off. I constantly have to adhere by her strict rules. I mean just because it's her house and she lets me live there that I hav...
A. 3 November 2005: If you "despise" her, why are you there? If it's only a business arrangement (you do the yard work/cook the meals and she lets you stay), then why don't you move into somewhere else and leave this arrangement behind? It's not like you're staying for ... (read in full...)
I really fancy this girl, so should I just come out with it and tell her?
Q. Dear Cupid... OK this probably sounds stupid, but there's a girl at school I have a mad crush on and want to ask her out badly... I've spent loads of time with her already but I don't know whether to tell her I like her first (as in say 'I really f...
A. 3 November 2005: I'd advise against coming straight out and saying "I fancy you" to her face, as a way of introducing yourself.
For one thing, it's easy to get nervous, stumble over your prepared words, and have it end up with her saying "What?" and you saying "... (read in full...)
I'm brunette and it bothers me that my boyfriend ogles blondes!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He always does a double take when he sees a blonde woman (I am dark haired). He tells me he doesn't know why he does it, but would never be unfaithful. I find it hard to trust him because of his ogling, ...
A. 2 November 2005: You're probably making too much of things.
If you trust all the other aspects of your relationship and if he's never given you any other reason to think he'd cheat on you, then why not give him the benefit of the doubt? Don't worry about it.
W... (read in full...)
Things were moving "too fast", but she still likes me and wants to be friends and "see how it goes". Help me understand!
Q. This question is a little hairy and deals with this girl that I have liked for awhile. I had a long distance girlfriend and this other girl and I (call her Anna) started to become close but not really tell anyone about it. She didn't either. ...
A. 2 November 2005: This is pretty cut and dried, when you think about it: you got to know each other, you got close to dating, she backed away, she said she wanted to just be friends.
Answer: she doesn't want to be your girlfriend right now.
All the babbled adde... (read in full...)
She's a wonderful girl, but I'm not sexually attracted to her...
Q. Hi...I have been going out with my girlfriend for about 8 months now. I am 22 and she is 22. I love this girl so much and she makes me very happy. We have such a great bond together but our sex life is not good at all. I have trouble going the ...
A. 2 November 2005: The physical attraction side of a relationship can be really immaterial, or it can be a deal-breaker. It mostly depends on your feelings.
Women, by and large, are attracted to aspects of a man other than the ones men think women are attracte... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't give up smoking, no matter what I threaten...
Q. I try to get my boyfriend to quit smoking and I also threatened to leave this relationship, but he seems to not care about the fact that I'm willing to sacrifice anything for him. He wouldn't even give it up to make me happy. We fight about th...
A. 1 November 2005: Sorry, but yes, you're in the wrong.
You're wrong because you went into the relationship knowing this guy's addiction, and then you wanted to change the rules once you were together. You can't do that, whether it's smoking, womanising, lying, d... (read in full...)
My partner is cagey about why he needed condoms when he went away...
Q. My boyfriend recently went away for almost a month and he claims that he has not cheated. He gives me conflicting responses to the number of condoms he has, the amount we use and the reason he had them while away. I have been giving him oral sex for ...
A. 30 October 2005: Last time I checked, condoms weren't really recommended for keeping boots dry on rainy days, for kids' party balloons or for storing salamis... In fact, I can only think of one thing that condoms are really good for. If your boyfriend felt that he ... (read in full...)
Why won't my bf let me give him oral sex?
Q. Im sixteen and have been in a steady relationship for a month.I want to give my boyfriend oral sex but he doesn't want me to. What's wrong with me?...
A. 30 October 2005: I'm sure there's nothing wrong with YOU, but you might need to rethink your position on oral sex and HIM. The way you've phrased your question is as if you've offered to buy him a coffee and you're confused as to why he's knocked you back. Do you... (read in full...)
My boss is twice my age, but I think I'm in love with him!
Q. Hi, I'm 20 years old and I work in retail. The job I've been in for over a year now, and the problem is I love my boss. However, he's 40 years old - twice my age - and has little idea about how I feel. I really don't know what to do! I don't kn...
A. 29 October 2005: Speaking as someone who has experience with age-difference relationships (I was 25, he was 41) I'd caution you that the gap is almost too great to bridge if you *were* to become involved. You're barely out of your teens, you don't have any life ... (read in full...)
Sex seven times in a day amounted to "rejection", to hear my boyfriend tell it...
Q. My bf and I are having a hard time lately. Yesterday when I asked for a cuddle instead of sex, he commented that 'he should be used to being rejected by me sexually' . I dont understand, We had already had sex 7 times!! that day. What is going wrong ...
A. 29 October 2005: If you were to ask around, I think you'd find that a large swathe of the male population would be pretty pleased with sex seven times a day. Even having sex twice a day would put a smile on the face of the majority of men.
That's what makes me... (read in full...)
The way my bf treats me and the way he says hurtful things are leaving me drained!
Q. Hello, I am stuck right now in my relationship. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over two years and sometimes he says things that hurt me, and he acts like he doesn't care, sometimes in front of his friends. I am emotiona...
A. 29 October 2005: Sorry, hon. I just don't see how you're "stuck" in your relationship with this guy. What are you, super-glued together at the hip? You're not married to him. Dump him already! Walk away and don't look back.
He sounds like a selfish, oafish l... (read in full...)
Told her how I really felt via text, but she ignored it and carried on as normal...
Q. Recently I have been attracted to this girl. At first I thought she felt the same. However on one drunken night I let her know how I felt (via text). She replied but her reaction was to pretty much ignore it. Despite this she treats me the same as ...
A. 28 October 2005: I don't care how many people do it, text is a TERRIBLE way to tell someone you're attracted. It's the last refuge of the chickenhearted. Yes, yes, I know it's incredibly popular with the under-30s and I know I'm daggily out of step with modern ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about the bend in my willie. What do women think?
Q. My question is to girls. Do they really mind about the size or shape of a man's penis? This is really very embarrasing to me to talk about, but here goes. My penis is screwed to one side like a bannana. It's not small at all, but I'm too scared to ...
A. 28 October 2005: As long as it doesn't cause you any discomfort when you're having sex and as long as the bend isn't so severe that your partner would be uncomfortable, there's no problem whatsoever.
You might be surprised how little most women care about the leng... (read in full...)
He says he's confused and might make me unhappy, but won't our love help work things out?
Q. Got back with bf after 2 month rocky patch, on again, off again, on again, off again etc.. I love him to pieces and I know he loves me but he says he's still confused! I told him to think about it for a week but I'm already head over heels back ...
A. 24 October 2005: Given your history together, it sounds to me like he's hedging his bets to cover himself for the next time you two break up. He "loves you too much to hurt you"? Hey wakies, woman. He's already done that, several times. What's changed?
Lovin... (read in full...)
Four months' wait to see each other is a long time...
Q. I've recently met a girl, she's a friend of a friend. Well we got to talking online and I'm really beginning to like her. We talk for hours every day, getting to know each and every little detail about each other. We both agree that things are goin...
A. 24 October 2005: Long distance relationships are difficult, even under the best of circumstances. If you two were married, for example, and one of your jobs made you have to live apart for months at a time, you might be able to hold things together based on the ... (read in full...)
I fantasise that my girlfriend is with a guy who's got more to play with than I have...
Q. I have a beautiful girlfriend I love to bits, but I keep getting strange sexual feelings that I don't think are normal. It happens when I masturbate and make love to her from behind. I keep thinking about another guy fucking her and her really e...
A. 23 October 2005: Don't worry; you're normal.
You love your girlfriend, and you want her to have the most incredibly-satisfying sex, right? So in your fantasy, she is. It's just not with you, because you believe that your todger isn't enough for her, so you imag... (read in full...)
What can I do to become more confident when I'm with women?
Q. Dear Cupid I have problems about dealing with women. First, I've never been with a girl before in my life. Second, when it comes with a woman, I'm extremely shy and cannot overcome it. And third, the word I fear the most is REJECTIO...
A. 23 October 2005: The best start that I can recommend for you is to do all you can to rid yourself of the idea that women are some sort of frightening alien beings. Women are *people* and you should be looking to make friends of women first. The rest can come ... (read in full...)
Anyone have experience with getting counselling?
Q. I'd like to get some counselling or therapy to solve some problems I have about my past that are not going away. I've been thinking about this for some time but thought the problems would go away on their own. However, they haven't and I want to try ...
A. 23 October 2005: After I separated from my first husband, I was fortunate to be recommended to free counselling services through my health-care. It might be worth checking.
Also, local governments at the City or Shire level will often provide low-cost counsell... (read in full...)
Who should have the condoms?
Q. This probably sounds stupid, but who is supposed to carry a condom: the female or the male?...
A. 23 October 2005: Both of you. It doesn't matter whether you're a man or a woman. If you're having sex with someone, there's a good chance that at least one of you will have a penis; therefore the two of you will need condoms. Particularly with younger adults -... (read in full...)
I've got so little pubic hair, I feel like a school boy!
Q. I have a slight problem in the pubic hair department-I hardly have any and im 23 years of age. I've just started my first sexual experience with a girl. When we got naked for the first time she thought that I had shaved them off and they were slowly ...
A. 22 October 2005: Don't let it get you down. Every man is different and you happen to be less-hairy than other guys. Um, so what? Women are far less visually-oriented about sexual things than men are, so ask yourself: How much time does your girlfriend spend gazing ... (read in full...)
I'm addicted to my sex toys to the point where I've lost interest in men!
Q. Last year I brought my first sex toy from Ann Summmers and I enjoyed it so much that I now have a large collection of toys. However, I am now addicted to them and I use them at least three times a day. It has come to the point that I even use them ...
A. 22 October 2005: Ahem. Well, at the risk of being labelled a prude, no, it's not "normal". I wouldn't mean to imply that you're some sort of deviate, but your use appears to me to be excessive. Your toys should just be... well, toys. Something that you enjoy from ... (read in full...)
I'm plenty hard when I wake up in the mornings, but when I go to have sex... Nothing!
Q. Hi all!. I have a huge problem. I am 21 years old and i am a virgin ("kinda"i will explain). I had 2 sexual experiences in my life. One was when I was 14-15 with a prostitute and could not cum! And the other was when I was 18 with my gf (we h...
A. 21 October 2005: I don't have a medical background and I'm not a man, but I wanted to make one or two observations anyway.
You seem to have been doing all the right things: you're looking at your whole-health picture, you're trying alternatives and you're seeking ... (read in full...)
My lover's wife is abusive and hateful, but he can't leave her because of the kids!
Q. I've recently started seeing a guy I met at work, we get on so well and just seemed to click the first time we met. The trouble is, he's not single. He desperately wants to leave his partner but he can't leave because of the children. He is their ...
A. 19 October 2005: I want to believe you. Really I do. I can see that you're totally convinced of what he's telling you.
But step away from the stories and try to be objective. Imagine that you're reading this the first time, on a computer screen, written by a str... (read in full...)
I'm just totally not into anything sexual with my boyfriend!
Q. Hi, I'm 16 years old and my boyfriend is turning 19. It's his birthday in one week and we've decided to take our relationship to the 3rd level. We've been going out for about 3 months and I love him so much I would risk my life for his without even ...
A. 19 October 2005: I know that you want very much to please your boyfriend, but for the sake of your own peace of mind, don't rush things and do anything that you're not completely comfortable with. Even if that means he might be a little disappointed because sex gets ... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble dealing with the death of my uncle...
Q. Hi there, I'm 14 and in August my uncle passed away. :-( He was only 43 which made matters worse. I can't seem to move on. I go out with my friends shopping etc every now and again, and they always make me feel a bit happier but when I'm alone I ...
A. 18 October 2005: Hey, I'm really sorry to hear that. Dealing with the death of a loved one isn't something that you 'get over' in a matter of weeks. This is even more true when you were close to that person. Think about it: if a family pet had died, you'd still be ... (read in full...)
Nothing about us is similar. Can we keep together as a couple?
Q. Hi there. My question is this- Is it possible to still love someone but know that you probably aren't a great couple? My story is this- I have been dating a guy for 2 and 1/2 years- we live together. He is sweet, but we have nothing in common- ...
A. 18 October 2005: One fact that's fairly consistant about people is that they tend to become more like themselves over the years. The mildly-eccentric, middle-aged auntie becomes the Weird Cat Lady in her old age, the gruff neighbour becomes an angry loner, the ... (read in full...)
He lies to me and I feel like crying when we're together. I just want to break up with him!
Q. Hey everyone, OK so I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months and he's lied to me a lot, although the other day he crossed the line. I'd found out he'd been sending pictures of his genitals to other people via texts. When I asked him about it...
A. 18 October 2005: By staying with him every time he threatens to harm himself, you're very effectively teaching him how to manipulate you. Don't be held hostage to that kind of trick. HE'S responsible for his own life; you aren't. HE'S responsible for the way he ... (read in full...)
Was I just easy sex, or might there be something more between us?
Q. Met a great guy at university, after a couple of months we starting sleeping together. He was my first. Now we live together with friends. He recently split with his girlfriend, and told me he was really confused and lonely and sorry for messing my ...
A. 17 October 2005: Yes, he sure is. But you're making it pretty easy for him to take advantage of you.
The relationship that you have with him is technically referred to as "friends with benefits", and to be truthful, such an arrangement rarely works out for most... (read in full...)
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