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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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Help! Things are moving too fast. I'm 12 and my boyfriend is 17...
Q. Hi, I need some advice about my boyfriend. I'm 12 and he's 17, we've been together for 2 months I really love him but things are moving a bit fast for me. We haven't even told my parents yet and he's talking about having sex! He has had sex with...
A. 3 September 2005: Do NOT have sex with him! I'll repeat that. Do NOT have sex with him.
You said it yourself: you're not ready. Things are moving too fast. You don't know much about sex. You don't have anyone to talk to about it.
With all that in the backgroun... (read in full...)
We see each other... we have sex. Now I'd like us to be boyfriend/girlfriend.
Q. I wonder if I can have your opinion please.. I started texting this guy in April - I'd seen him around and so I managed to get hold of his number. At first he was quite slow to reply, but the more we got to know each other the more he replied....
A. 3 September 2005: My take on this is also that it's a casual sexual relationship and not heading anywhere else. There isn't anything in any behaviours, actions or comments that you've described that suggests that he wants to take things to any higher levels of ... (read in full...)
Should I consider a relationship with my friend's older brother?
Q. I am a 15 year old female that acts a lot older than my actual age. I am often drinking alcohol and I smoke up to 30 fags a day. My mate who is the same age as me has a brother of 19. Recently I have heard he really likes me. Trouble is we live in ...
A. 2 September 2005: Actually, your real problem seems to be that you're crying out for affection and craving attention, and you'll do anything to get it. The extremely-stupid, foul-smelling and addictive tobacco habit, the underage drinking and the totally loveless, ... (read in full...)
Once she got a boyfriend, my friend started spending all her time with him!
Q. My friend has a new boyfriend in her university so she leaves me alone. She always stays with him, does everything with him such as eating, shopping. Actually I want her be happy with her boyfriend but I think she didn't care about me. It makes me f...
A. 2 September 2005: Hi Pratchaya,
This is a really common problem, though it still hurts when it happens to you!
Your friend doesn't like you any less, but she's caught up in the first thrilling phase of being with her new boyfriend. If you've had a serious boyfri... (read in full...)
My folks won't help me out financially any more if I move back home with my boyfriend...
Q. I have just had a baby. My parents want me to stay at home with them, but I want to move back to my partner. My parents are saying that if I move back to my house with the baby they never want to see me again. We are having money problems and my ...
A. 2 September 2005: Your folks are worried about their grandchild. They want you to move home so that they know that the baby will have a reliable roof over his/her head. It appears that they doubt your boyfriend's ability to keep the bills paid and they're using ... (read in full...)
My mates told lies about me to her, but now I'd like to get to know her!
Q. Hi, I'm a 15 year old boy. Last year there was this girl I really liked. But because I couldn't talk to her without laughing and because I told my mates that I thought about her all the time they told her and said I'd said I had kissed her, so she ...
A. 2 September 2005: The first thing you need to do is to clear the air. She's been labouring for almost a year under the misapprehension that you lied about kissing her. She might be really embarrassed about that, or she might be annoyed, or - here's the best bit - she ... (read in full...)
What problems might I encounter with an introduction agency?
Q. I am a lonely 59 year old male, seeking to use a Thai introduction agency to find a wife. Having already had two broken marriages I feel that this is the only way for me to find happiness. I am worried however, that any bride I find, may like me for ...
A. 1 September 2005: Pops has a point. Any time you use an introduction agency through a foreign country, there will be hordes of desperate (although quite possibly still young, beautiful and intelligent) women wanting to date you, just for the chance of a better life ... (read in full...)
Our meetings seem to go well, but it's always me that does the initiating!
Q. Hi, I met this guy a couple of months ago when out one night. We started mailing each other and have met three times for coffee. I have initiated the last two meetings and they appeared to go quite well. He mails me every day and says he enjoys m...
A. 1 September 2005: Three "coffee dates" isn't really much of a basis to rush, headlong, into deeper waters, so I think your friend is just being sensible. He may be naturally cautious about trying to do too much, too soon, he may be shy, or he may have been burned in ... (read in full...)
Even though he has a girlfriend, he said he likes me too!
Q. I like this guy who has a girlfriend. He said he liked her but when I asked if he liked me he said yes. I want ot go out with him. What should I do? ...
A. 1 September 2005: I know this is a tempting situation - you like him, he likes you etc - but I advise you to stay away from him. Or, at the least, tell him that you'd love to go out with him ***when he's single***.
If you try to start something with a guy who alre... (read in full...)
We had to stop when we tried intercourse. It just hurt too much!
Q. Me and my boyfriend just tried to have intercourse for the first time tonight. Technically I am still a virgin. He is not. We couldn't. Not for lack of wanting to, but because it hurt so bad I had to make him stop. Now I get a burning sensation when ...
A. 29 August 2005: Some discomfort is perfectly normal when you have sex for the first time. It may even hurt enough to make you want to stop.
So, in that respect, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. First-time sex for women can be... well, a bit of a let... (read in full...)
What's the difference between "loving" and "being in love with" someone?
Q. Hi, My partner and I had a discussion on 'just loving someone' and 'being in love'. He doesn't see a difference. He believes that when two people are in a relationship and they love each other then they are 'in love together'. This came abou...
A. 29 August 2005: Maybe you're both saying the same thing, and only the term differs. Like, you might claim that a certain day is your "birthday", but your partner says "No, it's really more of your 'natal day'... since you've already been 'born'".
Do you see what... (read in full...)
Should I have sex with a boy who only "cares" for me?
Q. I am a girl who had been in love with a guy for 2 years. He doesn't love me, he cares for, me but I doubt he loves me. He wants sex, and I am a virgin. Should I do it or not? The country I live in doesn't approve of such stuff but it's happenin...
A. 28 August 2005: No, don't do it.
Having sex with this boy will NOT make him love you, if he doesn't already.
Your virginity is something precious and special and you shouldn't be throwing it away with someone who won't treasure it like a gift.
Unfortu... (read in full...)
We had sex and forgot the condom!
Q. Hi I'm a 14 year old boy and I've been with my girlfriend (who is 16 in October) for 3 months now and it's been great. We get on very well and I really do think we can and will last, but our parents are against us. No reason, just don't like it, so ...
A. 28 August 2005: Probably at least one of the reasons that your parents are "against" you two being together is that the adolescent brain goes through a years-long process of being completely rewired, in a different configuration to what it was in childhood. The ... (read in full...)
Caught my boyfriend... with pics of Justin Timberlake!
Q. I am 20 and my boyfriend is 25. When I went to visit him at his home one day, and caught him masturbating over pictures of Justin Timberlake on his computer and felt so disgusted. I asked him outright if he was gay, and he said no, and when I ...
A. 28 August 2005: Jodie,
I'm only weighing in to agree 100% with Happy Time Harry, so you don't think he's the only one with that opinion.
I think your boyfriend is probably bi or gay and is still in the closet about it, even to himself.
My thinking is that h... (read in full...)
What do I do about my friend's girlfriend starting to like me?
Q. My friend's girlfriend has taken a liking to me, which she has told me herself! I also really fancy her, however I don't know what is the right thing to do! Please help me!...
A. 28 August 2005: The "right" thing to do in this situation is do nothing. Do nothing, that is, except give a lot of thought to the effects of your actions.
Think about the repercussions if you follow through on this attraction. You might get the girl, but you'll l... (read in full...)
Little things about my appearance are things he wants to change. Should I worry?
Q. I'm with a guy who's 11 months younger than I am. Recently he has stated that there are some things that he doesn't like about my appearance. I'ts all little stuff (unplucked eyebrows, hair length etc) And a lot of it is stuff I either don't mind ...
A. 28 August 2005: Whether or not you wanted to change these things about yourself, I would be very concerned that he's trying to make changes to who and what you are.
Who is this guy, anyway? Adonis? Is he without a single irregularity? Is he himself, flawless... (read in full...)
We're dating and I want more. Am I asking too much?
Q. Basically, I have been seeing a guy for 6 weeks. Due to work, kids, and the hobby commitments I only get to see him once a week. During the rest of the time he texts me but never rings. I know he's single as I've met his eldest daughter who live...
A. 28 August 2005: The reason that you don't feel you have a relationship, is that you don't have one. Woman, you've only been seeing him, by your own admission, six times! You're still at the "getting to know each other's middle names/tattoos/favourite song" stage of ... (read in full...)
I'm 12 and I keep arguing with my mum...
Q. I am 12 and having problems with my mum. We argue all the time and I am getting depressed! There must be one of you out there who has gone through the same thing as I am now! Please just give me some advice on what to do....
A. 26 August 2005: Hon, I think it's probably fair to say that no one who has ever lived past the age of 12 has ever *avoided* arguments with their parents. That comes from being an adolescent.
Here's a little pseudo nature-lesson to put things into perspect... (read in full...)
His ex knows that we're dating again, and I think she's using her pregnancy to get him back!
Q. The guy that I lost my virginity to a year ago left me around 4 months after that. He started dating this girl "Kelly" she told him she was pregnant, and 5 months later she ended up being 3 months pregnant. Then she left him and wanted nothing to do ...
A. 26 August 2005: You're not going to like this advice, so I'll say I'm sorry in advance, but I think this is a situation you should walk away from.
Let's rehash the highlights of this story:
1. Your boyfriend, to whom you gave your virginity, dumped you a few... (read in full...)
I'm so shy that I have trouble talking with my girlfriend...
Q. I have been dating a girl for about three months and I think I'm in love with her, but I doubt she feels the same. I'm usually very shy and even after three months I still get really nervous around her and don't know what to say. I'm afraid I'll ...
A. 26 August 2005: One simple way to be a great conversationalist is just to ask a question about something that person is interested in, then listen to the answer before asking another question.
By now, you should have a few ideas about the sorts of topics that you... (read in full...)
No longer care for my husband, but feel tied down by my joint finances...
Q. I don't really have any feelings towards my husband anymore. We have been married 6 and half years, and together for 8. He is a professional, who works long hours, and have a daughter who does not keep well. I felt he did not support me initally ...
A. 26 August 2005: There are really only two choices, and you already know them. The first is (as suggested by pops), get to marriage counselling, so you can talk in depth about when your marriage started to go awry and decide for yourself whether you feel you want to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said he would stop the violence, but now he says I "make him" do it...
Q. I have been in a five year relationship. I am 29, he's 34. Last night we were out. I left and came home without saying to him. He came home 30 min after, threw a bag at me which has bruised my face, then throwing me around the bedroom and banging ...
A. 21 August 2005: Hi dear,
This is an abusive relationship, and your boyfriend is using one of the oldest - and least believable - excuses in the book. So, you "make him" hurt you? And pray, how do you do that? Are you controlling the marionette strings on his arms... (read in full...)
I'm under pressure from my family, who don't understand that I love another man...
Q. Hey again. I need some advice and some help. I hope I don’t go overboard. I've written and asked questions before and found this website to be amazing, I've seen the advice that everybody gives and the amazing part is that the person that is "given ...
A. 19 August 2005: Hi dear,
I hope this answer doesn't sound pat, because it's not meant to be. I've read your story a couple of times and one solution keeps leaping to my fingertips.
Move out from your parents' house and start living your life the way you want... (read in full...)
Am I cheating on my girlfriend it it's with another guy?
Q. I'm been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a while and I have also been doing sexual thing with a guy and I dont know if that is cheating on her if it is with a guy???...
A. 18 August 2005: Cheating on your partner is generally considered to mean that you show romantic affection to someone else besides your boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not limited to one sex, and it can be anything, from obvious flirting, to kissing, right up to sex with ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants to have sex, but I'm afraid I'm not big enough to give her any pleasure!
Q. I am 18 and I am in serious relationship with my girlfriend. She has said that we should go the full way (sex) as soon as possible. I however am worried that my penis will be too small for her to get any pleasure. I have considered penis ...
A. 18 August 2005: Try to believe me when I tell you that penis-size is not that important, when it comes to your girlfriend enjoying sex. Bigger is not always better (especially if your girlfriend is a virgin).
What women enjoy about sex is the closeness, the inti... (read in full...)
I look OK and I'm a nice guy. Girls just won't talk to me!
Q. I'm a 20 year old guy. I work out so I'm in great physical shape and have been told I'm an attractive guy, however, I am unable to start a relationship with anyone. Girls just don't talk to me, what is the problem? I'm a nice guy, I promise!...
A. 17 August 2005: Well, I can't see you and I can't hear you and I can't smell you... so I'll have to take your word for it that you're a nice guy.
Do you have any female friends? They can be invaluable for giving you hints on how to appeal to girls you might wa... (read in full...)
Don't want to break my boyfriend's heart, but I keep thinking about another guy!
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for about 1 year and a half and I love him so much. He is my first love and I do want to be with him forever. The thing is, I keep thinking about someone else who used to fancy me ages ago and I can't tell if I may...
A. 17 August 2005: Because your boyfriend is your "first love", you, quite naturally, wonder what else is out there in the rest of the world.
First loves are wonderful. Everything is so fresh and pleasing and enjoyable and thrilling. And you only ever get one "fir... (read in full...)
My son is getting into trouble causing "emergencies", and I don't know why...
Q. I am a mother with a 14-year-old son and a 19-year-old daughter. He seems to have a worrying obsession with emergencies and said to me the other day "Emergencies are funny. As long as no-one is killed or seriously hurt, then an emergency is fun...
A. 17 August 2005: Your son may just think he's being mischievious, but fake emergencies cost thousands - sometimes tens of thousands - of dollars and risk peoples' lives. Does he realise that?
What happens if the emergency services are looking for a hoax bomb at ... (read in full...)
Worried that I am "genophobic"!
Q. Hi...Im a 17 year old girl and a virgin. I have heard of a condition called genophobia and i think i might be suffering from it...however, when attempting sex with my bf, I do want to have sex, I do not avoid trying to have sex...It is just that ...
A. 16 August 2005: Part of the problem with all the medical information available online is a temptation to self-diagnose conditions that may or may not exist.
Personally, from your description, I think you sound perfectly normal. You sound a little overanxi... (read in full...)
Falling for my boss... but I'm only thirteen!
Q. Hi I am only 13 years old, which is young. Recently I have found myself falling for my part-time boss. I dont know whether this is love or lust. He is about 36 and I know it probably won't be serious. I am getting mixed messages from him. ...
A. 16 August 2005: The "mixed messages" are probably that he's flattered about your crush on him, but he probably feels awkward because of your age differences.
There isn't any way in the world that this is going to work, not least of all because you won't even be ... (read in full...)
Hate myself for cheating in my relationships! So how do I stop?
Q. I have a really bad reputation for cheating- I've cheated on pretty much every guy I've been with since I was about twelve. Usually it's just kisses but a couple of times I gave oral sex to guys who weren't my boyfriend, even when there was nothing ...
A. 15 August 2005: I suspect that you don't like yourself very much, and the cheating is a way to get instant attention from all kinds of guys, which helps boost your ego. Ultimately though, you're damaging your relationships and contributing to your own self-esteem ... (read in full...)
We really hit it off, but would he be interested in a relationship?
Q. I've just got back from a holiday where I met this guy. I met him at the same place last year and really liked him, but this year we hit it off. On my last night we were all cuddles, kisses and of course, snogs. His friend that was with him said...
A. 15 August 2005: Holiday romances are often torrid and passionate, because both parties feel like there's a time limit on everything. You tend to feel everything at ten-times normal intensity, so do beware of that pitfall. The longing for getting that thrill back ... (read in full...)
Shying away from the chance to have sex with a friend, because she's had more experience than me!
Q. I am 19 years old and lately a friend of mine has been hinting to me about having sex together. I really like her and find her attractive but she is 25 years old and I am worried because I have had little sexual experience and I don't want to make a ...
A. 15 August 2005: If she continues hinting, I don't think that she's worried about your lack of experience. Why not take her up on the next offer, saying "Well, I'd love to. I'm still learning, but I don't mind practicing as often as needed!"
Have a bit of a sen... (read in full...)
Can't tell if there was a subtext to my ex's email. Is he having trouble with his new girlfriend?
Q. Hi, My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up. He left me for someone else. We have been through a lot together and even lived together. Most of the time he was away working for long periods and then came back. That took a toll on our relationship I ...
A. 15 August 2005: Because you're still in love with your ex, you want to be sure that you're not reading too much into his email. Remember that text is such a dry medium of communication that sometimes things can be interpreted a couple of ways. Add the fact that ... (read in full...)
Not sure if I should date the boy I fancy, or his nephew!
Q. I am thirteen, and I fancy a boy. He says he likes me too. Trouble is he is one of those boys who say things like that to make you feel better. Thing is, I asked him out about a month ago, and I don't know if he is winding me up. Plus, his nephew ...
A. 15 August 2005: First of all, don't worry about what "people" do. If you wait for all 6.2 billion other humans on the planet to unanimously approve of your dating choices, you won't get much done. Do what seems right to you and let "people" mind their own ... (read in full...)
I don't hear from my boyfriend for weeks at a time because he's "too tired" to call...
Q. Lately, my boyfriend is working a lot, but he goes weeks without calling me at all. He says he is too tired at night when he gets home, but he doesn't call during the day or in the morning before he goes and he can't take 30 seconds aftter he gets ...
A. 15 August 2005: You don't say how long this has been going on, but the fact that he hasn't rung in "weeks" gives me some clue that this isn't a new development.
Firstly, it's possible that he really is just working extremely hard right now, and so it just rea... (read in full...)
We argue over trust issues and I'm afraid of losing her...
Q. Me and my girlfriend have had some trouble with arguing because I don't think we see each other enough and because my last two relationships were wrecked by a best friend! I am very very protective and she said that she would never lie to me I hav...
A. 11 August 2005: You're trying to make your current girlfriend be responsible for your previous failed relationships. You're blaming her, and taking out your insecurity on her, because of the problems you had with your exes.
That's why you argue with her. That's w... (read in full...)
I know how my crush feels, because I've been there too. Should I tell him, or give him space?
Q. Dear Cupid, A few weeks ago,I started to like this boy. His name is Joe* and he just turned fifteen last month and will be a sophomore in high school, whereas I will be turning fourteen in November and will be an eighth-grader. There's only one...
A. 11 August 2005: Hi Sarah,
Another week, another crush, eh? ;-)
Joe has been through the wringer. It's terribly sad that you know how what he's going through, but it will give you an insight into the way he needs lots of space right now. What he definitely DO... (read in full...)
I slept with my ex, so my girlfriend broke it off. How can I get her back?
Q. How do I get my goddess back? I've been so stupid and I have cheated on her for a while now with my ex. She found out once before and took me back. Unfortunately my ex is friends with my family and is around on weekends and my goddesses ex com...
A. 11 August 2005: Let me get this straight: She's your "one and only", you'll "do anything for her", you're guilty and weak and shallow and you're scared that you've blown your only chance at love with the woman you want as your wife.
But, when that "goddess... (read in full...)
Why has our sex life almost dwindled to nothing? I do all the work and my boyfriend just lies there waiting for oral sex...
Q. Hiya Everyone! :oP I've been in my relationship for 2 years now. I don't understand how my sex life with my boyfriend has gone from really physical to almost nothing? It feels as though I am always instigating it. Then when he turns me down wh...
A. 11 August 2005: What do *I* think you should do?
I think you should stop treating this loser to the best thing he's probably ever had, and go find someone who'll appreciate a woman who loves sex and is happy with her body shape. THAT'S what I think you should d... (read in full...)
He might be married, and he's older than me, but I just click with a manager at work!
Q. I have a real issue with a manager guy who is based in another department at work. I never get to see him that much but when I do, I really get the impression that he quite enjoys engaging in quite intense conversation. The fact we seem to clic...
A. 11 August 2005: The reason that it's driving you nuts is that you don't know anything. You're guessing and second-guessing your guesses.
You don't even know if he's married? Heaven sakes, woman. I'd suggest that, far from being emotionally intimate, you've b... (read in full...)
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