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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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I'm bored with my bf..I'm bored with my friends...I'm bored with my life! Help me
Q. im 18 yrs old and im doing my A-levels, not doing to great and dont enjoy going to school no more. me n my m8s have a holiday booked for this year. and i see my bf sun- thur and go out on a fri n sat night wit my m8s. thing is coz of money cant ...
A. 25 February 2006: What I get from your letter (what I can read of it -- text is hideous) is that you're bored because you're so very passive. In other words, you're sitting around, doing the same things all the time and waiting to be entertained.
You and your boy... (read in full...)
My husband does not talk about his feelings to me...what can I do?
Q. My husband does not talk to me, he is mostly quite and does not express his feelings, what can I do...
A. 25 February 2006: My experience is that a lot of men would rather do almost *anything* rather than discuss they way they feel about something! It doesn't come naturally for a big percentage of men, so don't worry that your husband doesn't express his feelings. He'd ... (read in full...)
We're not sexually compatible and he doesn't seem to remember what I like. Worth continuing or let it go?
Q. Hi, I'm going out with a lovely guy but I try and avoid the sex as I don't enjoy it at all. He's not that interested in sex and I have tried lots to improve it but I always have to repeat to him what I like and I'm tired of it all. As I think ...
A. 25 February 2006: How's your relationship *outside* of sex? Do you like him, or even care about him? How are his feelings for you? Is he thoughtful in other ways? Does he sometimes think to do things to surprise and please you? Do you laugh together? Are you matched ... (read in full...)
I lied about my age but now we are really close. Should i tell him or not??
Q. I know that it is wrong! but i lied about my age (only by one year) to a boy that i never thought id get close to. However, we are really close now and he still thinks i am older than i am. I dont want him to see me as a lier because usualy i...
A. 25 February 2006: You definitely have to tell him, because he definitely will find out.
How, for example, are you going to invite him to your 18th birthday party, when you're only going to be 17 and everyone else knows it, and your cake says "Happy 17th"?
... (read in full...)
My online guy popped up after an absence, but all he wants to chat about is meeting up and sex!
Q. Hello, I am wondering what to do in this (long) situation I am currently in. I met this guy online a few months back. We talked maybe like five times a week for the first month, then after that it was like once a week (if that) and it was real ...
A. 25 February 2006: I think you have a pretty good idea about what he wants and why he's back on the scene, even if you don't want to admit it to yourself.
I suggest that what happened was that there was some impediment to his meeting you before (a girlfrie... (read in full...)
Worried about the pain of first-time sex with my boyfriend...
Q. I'm 14 and my boyfriend is 16 and I really love him. We've been together for a while and I really want to lose my virginity to him. I'm really scared about the consequences though. I dont want to end up pregnant. I'm not on the pill and I'm not ...
A. 25 February 2006: First of all, it doesn't sound like you're actually *ready* to have sex with your boyfriend. Yet.
Think about what you've written: you're scared of pregnancy, you're scared of the first-time pain, you're worried about bleeding, you don't feel con... (read in full...)
I think my married-soon-to-be-divorced boyfriend is just using me for sex!
Q. I have been with the same guy for 4 months now...almost 5. I just recently found out he was married and has a son. When I confronted him about it he said he was going thru a divorce. Then he told me that he stays in touch with her to see his son but ...
A. 22 February 2006: Your suspicions about him are almost certainly correct. He's showing all the "classic" signs of a married man getting a little nookie on the side.
Those days that he's available? I'll bet she's at work.
The friend's house? It's probably hi... (read in full...)
I'm worried about when I start my period...
Q. My mum is really great and has told me all about sex and periods and everything, but I still cringe when she talks about it to me. I'm worried that when I start my period, I will be too shy to tell my mum about it, and what if I start at school? I...
A. 22 February 2006: First of all, you shouldn't worry that anyone will laugh at you for anything as mundane as menstruation. It's not a personal failing to have periods and if anyone else wanted to make an issue of something that normal, I'd think they were a few ... (read in full...)
The average age people start to ahve relationships?
Q. hi just wondering what the average age is for people to start going out with others. I am 16 and have never gone out with anyone and wondering if i dont any time soon will kind of miss the gun. Will soon be going to sixth form or an apprentership so ...
A. 22 February 2006: There really isn't *any* age that's average. Some kids start getting interested in each other around 11 or 12, which is -- IMHO -- ridiculously early in life. (At 11, all I wanted to do was pretend to have adventures on my imaginary horse.)
By 14... (read in full...)
I want to break it off without hurting my girlfriend's feelings. Can I?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 months. I'm 17 and she is 16. I've only just realised I dont want to be with her in that sort of way, but I feel guilty about ending it, as she lost her virginity to me. Is there any easy way to call it off or c...
A. 22 February 2006: Breaking up is never an easy job, not if you have any sensitivity, but you can do it gently.
Remind yourself that staying with someone that you don't really care for is doing neither of you any favours. You're only prolonging the pain, and keep... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend, but I think I just "settled" for the first guy who'd have me. Now there's someone else...
Q. I really like this boy in a grade above me and I flirt and laugh at his jokes but I really want him to ask me out or ask me to be his girlfriend. If he isn't ready for that I just want to be noticed. I have a boyfriend but I am thinking of break...
A. 22 February 2006: You're not being very fair to your current boyfriend, are you? Think about how you'd feel if the situations were reversed: "Oh, I don't care about Elizae very much. I'm thinking I should break up with her. I'm only with her now because I didn't ... (read in full...)
Any advice about helping me to stop thinking about having a baby. I'm only 12!
Q. Hey.I'm a little worried right now because i am only 12 and i really want a child! I have never thought about this before i had my period. it worries me because i know i am way too young to have a child at this age but i am stupid enough to do so ...
A. 22 February 2006: Remind yourself that you're 12 -- you're still a kid yourself. Remember, you get at most 15 years to be a kid, but you have to be an adult for the next 70 or 80. You'll have close to the next 30 years to decide when or whether to have kids. There's ... (read in full...)
We got back together and things were bliss but this morning he hit me and smashed my head against a wall. I love him so much...what do i do?
Q. Please help me. I had been with my boyfriend for almost two years, when we argued about money and he left me. The reason we argued about money was that he spent all his wages on cannabis and didn't pay his bills.Four months later we got back tog...
A. 20 February 2006: What? You want to get back together with someone who values marijuana more than you? Why? Don't you care about your own safety and about your own happiness?
If being beaten up by a nincompoop who'd hurt you because you spilled some of his cann... (read in full...)
What age should you be to have sex the first time?
Q. Hey, I am wondering whether to have sex for the 1st time. I am 14 and so is my girlfriend. She has done it before and is kean for me to join her, but I am not entirely sure about what to do. Please help me! P.Enguin...
A. 19 February 2006: I had sex at 13 and again at 14, and looking back, that was just too young. The teen years are confusing enough, and the physical changes you're going through are just too overwhelming by themselves, without the added pressure of sex, and the ... (read in full...)
Three older ladies paid me to have sex with them. I need the money, but I don't want to be a gigolo!
Q. hello I am 18 years old male. I meet a group of old ladies. They are between 55 and 60 and they are 3 ladies. They offer me $200 to sleep with them and I did it, but I am feeling that I am selling my body. But I need that money. Shall I stay and ...
A. 19 February 2006: This can become what's known as the "thin end of a wedge", where you find yourself doing all sorts of things that you don't enjoy (and ultimately regret), just because those things aren't such a big step from what you're already doing.
Not t... (read in full...)
In Australia, the culture says to split dating costs down the middle, but it just doesn't feel natural to me!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am 22,F. I grew up in Malaysia and migrated to Australia 5 years ago. I am asian and I believe my culture does affect on how i see thing sometime. (just certain in life but not all) I am in a relationship with a white guy fo...
A. 14 February 2006: Speaking as another an immigrant to Australia (since 1987), the answer is Yes, the culture leans toward an equal split of expenses, particularly if both people have the same financial resources.
It's part of the "mateship" culture, in my opinion,... (read in full...)
Ladies: I don't want my Valentine's card to my girlfriend to be too soppy. Opinions, please!
Q. Hi people, Simple question for the ladies here... I've got my girlfriend a Valentines card. It's nice and jokey too, about how she's the best kisser ever lol. She's my first proper girlfriend and my first valentine, we're both 19. If ...
A. 14 February 2006: There's no one right answer to this question. Whether or not you phrase it exactly like that depends on the woman you're with. Ask yourself if those are the very words you'd use if you planned to say those things to her personally... and if they ... (read in full...)
I kept putting off getting engaged. Now I've got the ring, but she says she doesn't care!
Q. My g/f of 2 years left me and moved back in with her parents, she said we argued too much. She wanted to be married and I would always put it off, or what not. She said she left because she felt like she was wasting her time with me if I was never ...
A. 12 February 2006: Maybe you're trying too hard to "get her back".
You've pretty much put the ball squarely in her court, spotted her a hundred points, and told her she gets to referee the entire game (to overuse a sporting analogy).
I suspect that she's secre... (read in full...)
What exactly does "third base" mean?
Q. what is third base...
A. 12 February 2006: See? This proves that there's no hard and fast rule about these vague phrases.
Back at the beginning of Time, when I was a lass, 'third base' was virtually anything sexual, short of actual, penetrative sex. That could be mutual masturba... (read in full...)
I need some ways to ask her out and make her want me!
Q. I've been wanting to get this girl for a long time. Any tips on how to ask her out and make her want me more?...
A. 12 February 2006: Smile at her, for a start. Smile in a friendly way any time you can catch her eye.
Make eye contact for a few seconds longer than you need to. Don't stare at her like she has two heads, obviously, but return her gaze just a second or two longer t... (read in full...)
Should I tell my parents that I think I might be bisexual?
Q. hiya, I'm 15 and a lil confused. I'm not really sure, but I think I maybe bi-curious. It may just be a phase I'm going through? Should I tell my parents or keep it to myself until I'm totally sure? Thank you x...
A. 12 February 2006: Well, your sexuality doesn't really count in this context (that is, coming out to your parents), until you're sure about it. Anything less than "this is ME!" is pretty much speculation and unnecessary drama.
Lots of people your age experime... (read in full...)
Do spells work?
Q. Does anyone think spells actually work? I mean like voodoo or witches spells? Just curious....
A. 12 February 2006: Oh, please! "Spells" and "voodoo" are magic, girl. And magic does not exist.
Anyone who tells you otherwise is attempting to part you and your money.
... (read in full...)
I am 50 years old and I have a crush on someone who is 21..is this normal?
Q. i have a crush on 21yr old, i'm 50 and married is this normal? ...
A. 11 February 2006: "Normal" is a minefield of a word, so let's put it this way: your crush isn't surprising.
At 21, a man is in the pink of youth and at the peak of his attractiveness, virility and energy. Why *wouldn't* you appreciate that?
However, the ... (read in full...)
I believe in it, but he doesn't rate fate. How can I make him see we should be?
Q. My mom set me up to meet this guy that has began working at her job. It just so happened that they met and found out that they were both alumnus of the same college and mom told him that I also just graduated from that school, so she though we ...
A. 9 February 2006: Sometimes when you have a strong desire for a relationship with someone, you can start to see all sorts of Signs and Portents in every day situations and you can convince yourself that it's Fate.
But "We're fated to be together" is very hard to ... (read in full...)
He proposed... But made it sounded like his friends *persuaded him* to keep with me!
Q. Ok, I REALLY would like some advice before I marry my fiance. I am 23, and he is 26. We've been together for 3 years. He treats me well, and everything about the relationship is very good. we have the usual spats, but we always end up back together. ...
A. 9 February 2006: Oh, I wouldn't worry too much. It sounds to me like he'd been rehearsing his proposal over and over in his head, and what came out was a little of the "back story" in his mind, instead of the romance he'd intended. He was probably really nervous, ... (read in full...)
"I need my own space" What does this mean?
Q. What does "I need my own space" mean in the language of female!?...
A. 9 February 2006: The "female" what? The female passenger pigeon? The female monarch butterfly? The female red-bellied black snake?
Ohhhh, you mean the *human* female? Like, a woman?
(Say "woman" out loud. Try it out a few times. It's a real, grown-up word, a... (read in full...)
We live together but he says "I won't ever marry you"
Q. What do you do when he says "I won't ever marry you" and you desperately want him back? We're in our 30s, living together for 9 months but argue and fight. One fight brought this response. I don't know what do do now, because I want to win him ...
A. 9 February 2006: If he's said he won't marry you, then you need to examine that statement and take it at face value. What if what he said is true?
What if he won't marry you, ever? How would you feel about him? About your relationship? About staying together... (read in full...)
If I find out she really likes me...how should I ask her out? Any tips?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am 13 years old and go to High School in the UK, for a while now i have gotten on very well with this girl, we are always talking and have become friends. I love spending time with her and she enjoys my company(i hope), all my frien...
A. 8 February 2006: Valentine's Day was made for young men like you! :-)Get to a newsagent and see if you can find a card that's fun and cheerful and spells out the way you feel about her. Nothing too over the top, of course, because it's early days. Obviously you're ... (read in full...)
My guy is sweet, caring, handsome... And filthy rich. But now I found out how and don't know what to think!
Q. Late last year I fell in love with the most amazing guy. He is kind, considerate, good looking, in good shape, smart, easy-going... We do so much together, and am planning on moving in within weeks. He lives in a really cool place and drives a flash ...
A. 8 February 2006: As long as it's honest, legal and doesn't exploit children or other innocents, I can't see that his work should be too much of an issue.
If you feel genuinely uncomfortable about what it *might* be, then ask if you can look at his work in a little... (read in full...)
Engaged and in love...but Im hearing about his dark side from his ex...who should I believe?
Q. ok, quite a long one here, but i really hope as many people as possible can help me on this! when i first met my fiance, it was lust at first sight. both of us had just finished from serious relationships and didnt want to get into anything heavy, b...
A. 5 February 2006: Put the marriage plans on indefinite hold until you get this matter sorted.
This isn't an "either/or" scenario, because it's perfectly possible that both are lying, or both are telling the truth, or that there's a little from both at each camp. W... (read in full...)
He stared at the 2 buxom girls and later admitted he loves big breasts! I am very upset..what should I do?
Q. i have been with my partner for a year now every thing was good we trusted eash other very much, one night we went out and 2 girls were there with big boobs and very low tops he spent all night staring at them, when asked about it he denied it. a ...
A. 4 February 2006: Well, I don't advocate playing games with people. For a start, it's underhanded and a very indirect way of making a point, but more importantly, many people are too stupid to know that a game is being played. Any man who'd be so thunderingly moronic ... (read in full...)
Our date went well, so why is he ignoring me now?
Q. Hi, I fancied this guy at my school for ages, and he asked me on a date. It went really well, and he told a friend of his that it went well too. However, two days after, and he's seeing another girl and is totally ignoring me. I'm confused, what did ...
A. 4 February 2006: In answer to your UNasked question, yes, he's being a jerk.
It's pretty selfish to go out with someone, decide it went well, then turn around, just days later and date someone else.
Unfortunately, some people are pretty selfish. Especia... (read in full...)
I can't wait to have sex with my girlfriend, but she's putting me off over birth control. Can I get her to hurry up?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over six months, we are very much in love, and both 17. She says she wants to have sex with me, but doesn't want to risk pregnancy, because she says she has bad luck and that she wants to wait to ...
A. 3 February 2006: I'm in two minds about this.
My first thought is simply: OK, then. YOU bring the contraceptive foam and condoms, and save her the agony of discussing her sex life with Mum. Birth control? Check! Problem solved.
But on rereading, I won... (read in full...)
Why doesn't she take the hint that I want to break up?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for a year now but I've wanted to break up with her for months. She's very possessive and I feel she's smothering me. I have no time for myself, my family, my friends or school. All I ever do is spend time with her and ...
A. 3 February 2006: When you're breaking up with someone, you can't really do it by halves. That doesn't mean you have to be mean; naturally, you still want to be kind and sensitive about it, if it's at all possible.
Hinting around isn't working, is it? You have to ... (read in full...)
Why does he insist on retaining ties with so many of his ex-girlfriends?
Q. I am in dire need of advice. My boyfriend is 19 years older than me and we get along great...the majority of the time. I am having a lot of issues right now with him and his need to speak to his exes or any girl for that matter. He is a...
A. 3 February 2006: You seem very young and insecure, which makes me suspect that this could be a first serious relationship for you..?
First things first. No, you're not "crazy", but for you to feel "angry and hurt" because he keeps in contact with women who are ... (read in full...)
I turned her down a couple years ago..but now I really like her. What should I do?
Q. I am 16 years old and a couple of years ago I was asked out by this girl. At the time I didn't think she was anything special so I said no. Ironically now its me that fancies her and I don't know if she still likes me. The problem is that I ...
A. 2 February 2006: Why not try to get to know her as a friend for a start? Just a smile and "hey, how's it going?" at first. In a few days, you could progress to talking to her about something superficial (mutual friends, classwork, TV etc).
By that time, if you p... (read in full...)
I'm ready to leave my partner of 8 years..and am considering taking up with his brother! Should I go for it?
Q. Me and my Partner have been together 8 years we have 2 children both under 5 years old, but have been planning to separate for the last 6 months (he cheated on me). The thing is I have always found his brother attractive, we get on really well, we...
A. 2 February 2006: My single piece of advice for you is, don't go straight from one brother to another. No matter how close the family ties, and how good the B-I-L looks right now, it would be a bad choice.
You have a long, complicated relationship (not to mention ... (read in full...)
Running out of interesting conversation with my girlfriend and afraid I'm a bore! Help!
Q. I have a girlfriend. we have been going out for only two weeks and I feel that I am beginning to bore her. Could you tell some tips on chatting girls up and what do girls like lads to talk about to them? Please reply asap....
A. 2 February 2006: Talk about ideas, theories, discoveries and philosophies. Believe me, that goes a lot farther than "How was your day?"
If you have some scientific/religious/philosophical interest in common, that's a great place to start. My husband I have alw... (read in full...)
Should I see a doctor about this spot..?
Q. There is one problem, so I need some help from you all.. I'm male, 20. I got a problem. I've got a round black spot on the tip of my dick's hole (hole from where we urinate). It's been like this for 4 years, and it doesn't hurt and I'm not faci...
A. 2 February 2006: A black spot that appears anywhere on your body for no reason that you're aware of, and makes you feel worried, is definitely a reason to go to the doctor.
The best-case scenario is where the doc says "This is nothing. Don't worry". The worst-ca... (read in full...)
He got another girl pregnant and he's begging to come back to me.
Q. My long-term boyfriend got a girl pregnant.He is begging to win me back.Does he deserve a second chance?...
A. 2 February 2006: Think about the way he's treating the pregnant ex. He's showing no sense of responsibility or respect or care. Has he offered any emotional support to her? Is he willing to be a dad, or are they planning to have an abortion? Is he happy about the ... (read in full...)
Things seemed to be fizzling out because of the distance. But then a parcel arrived...
Q. I dated someone who was in town to visit family and friends a while back. We have known each other for a couple of years through mutual friends. There has always been chemistry between us, but we had never acted on it before because we live far ...
A. 2 February 2006: Sounds like you might be "Plan B", if things don't turn out well with his ex-gf. I know that sounds harsh; I'm sorry.
The mixed messages that you're getting seem to show that he doesn't really have his mind made up about what he's doing, so he's ... (read in full...)
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