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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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Worried I might have erectile dysfunction. So how would I bring it up to my mom?
Q. I think I've got ED. I'm 18 and moving out of the house soon. I think I should go see a doctor about this, but I can't be like "Hey Mom, I think I've got ED... Can I go see the Doc?" What the hell am I supposed to do? ...
A. 17 January 2006: If you're 18 and ready to move out of the family home, maybe you don't need to mention it to your folks at all...? Just ring up the doc and make an appointment. Then you ask the GP for a referral to a urologist. It's not complicated and it's much ... (read in full...)
I think I'm a lesbian, and it's causing me to feel anxious and depressed. I like this girl on my sports team, but I won't see her for a few months. What should I do?
Q. I'm a 17 year old female. I have really bad anxiety and depression. I think it might be caused by a huge secret I have: I think I like girls. Right now, there is one in particular that I just can't stop thinking about. She is on one of my ...
A. 17 January 2006: Don't be too quick to pigeonhole your sexuality into an either/or. There are lots of grey areas, particularly when you're in your late teens. A large fraction of young women aren't entirely sure whether they're gay, bi or straight at this time in ... (read in full...)
Seems like he's drifting away... Is he sick of me?
Q. My boyfriend and me have been dating for almost 4 months. He's my escape from everything! But lately he's changed, he used to call me all the time. Not anymore, he used to say the sweetest things. Nope nothin'. I loved spending every waking moment, ...
A. 16 January 2006: You might be relying on him too much. I suspect your boyfriend is feeling suffocated by your constant presence.
There's a great song lyric that goes "How can I miss you when you won't go away?" and this might fit your situation. Give your guy... (read in full...)
Been married 25 years. Husband is a liar and a porn-guy, but I hate thought of my kids dealing with divorce...
Q. I have been married 25 years and have had enough. I have put up with so much in my marriage, the first year he cheated on me. He says nothing happened but with all I have seen during the years I know he is a wonderful liar. He has a porn problem and ...
A. 16 January 2006: If it's only the thought of the kids "dealing with divorce" that's keeping you with him, believe me, you're doing them no favours by staying.
Your kids really have one male role model, one man that they see day in and day out, who demonstr... (read in full...)
How do I leave my unpredictable, threatening partner? Practical advice required.
Q. I have an unpredicatble partner. He can be loving and caring but also gets angry and threatening. He can be patronising and full of himself. He has a teacherish manner and can be pretty selfish when he wants to be but then he can also be romantic...
A. 15 January 2006: Your guy is a classic spousal abuser.
He wears a mask of "niceness" for a while, but then his real personality comes to the fore. He gets off on controlling you and scaring you. It makes him feel good when you're sad and frightened. So he gets ... (read in full...)
I still love him and want to try again, but he is very cold and refuses contact. Should I just give up?
Q. i have been dumped after a 3mth romance,it was very intense,so intense i left my job,my home,and family to move in with him, with the promise he would support me,until such a time i would get a job, we went on holiday, xmas, new year and involved ...
A. 14 January 2006: Yes, you should give up.
He wants space, and tells you that he doesn't want to hear from you again... and what do you do? You call and text him! That's exactly the wrong thing to do under the circumstances.
That'll be part of the reason th... (read in full...)
I have to be the centre of my boyfriend's world, or I get really depressed and paranoid!
Q. I jump to conclusions far too easily. I'm really suspicious of my boyfriend. If he doesn't tell me I'm gorgeous every minute of the day, I immediately think that he doesn't like me and that he's going off me. And if he's not on msn for a day or two ...
A. 14 January 2006: You CAN help feeling this way, and not only that, you're the *only* one who can prevent yourself feeling like that.
One mistake you seem to be making over and over is to make someone else responsible for the way you're feeling. HE has to tell you... (read in full...)
Which would be worse: a boyfriend who can't show affection, or no boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend says he loves, me but rarely shows affection or sex. We're 22, been together 4 years. It's hurting me. When I talk to him he just says he's not affectionate. I don't want to end it but I'm unhappy, but will also be unhappy without ...
A. 14 January 2006: If he still doesn't realise, after four years together, that you need him to show affection in order to feel loved, then he's putting his need to be in control of his emotions above your need for his love. That's pretty selfish.
Try one more tim... (read in full...)
Did I do the best thing, cutting off contact when she went back to her ex?
Q. Hi. Need some positive reinforcement. I'm 30 years old (single, kinda good looking, some would say a catch) and was seeing a girl of 24. We live 150 miles apart, so only saw each other a few times but talked and txt every day, several times a day fo...
A. 14 January 2006: Yes, you did the right thing.
Give yourself time to heal, then you can look at this situation from a less personal perspective. You'll see you did the wisest thing.
Think of the alternative! You'd be hanging on, trying to compete with the... (read in full...)
I don't want to move to Australia, and I can't make my parents see reason!
Q. I have to move to Australia. Help! I'm 14 and really happy with my life. I love my school, my family, and especially my friends. I'm gonna be starting my exams in under a year but still my parents want me to move. It really sucks! I've tried to...
A. 12 January 2006: Have you given any thought to the fact that there are nice kids in Australia too? Other people who you might also like as friends? Not to mention high-quality public education... Beaches, surfing, laid-back lifestyle, great weather...
Sure,... (read in full...)
I asked her out but she said it would ruin our friendship. Should I ask her out again?
Q. i asked this girl out, she said it would ruin our friendship but i really like her so how should i ask her out again....
A. 12 January 2006: Consider asking her out with a couple of your other friends, as a group.
She's already indicated that she doesn't see you as more than a friend at this time, so you should pay attention to that, and where necessary, read between the lines. (... (read in full...)
Not sure what to think after my girl send me a pic of her boob! Was it a honey-trap?
Q. Hi there, Please help... I received a text last night while I was having a curry and a few beers with a mate of mine from a number that was unknown. It read, "Hi, do you fancy a $hag?" I ignored this as I am not into cheating and I lov...
A. 11 January 2006: I'm in the minority, but I disagree with all the previous posts.
I don't think you were overreacting. It was completely unnecessary --in fact, somewhat disturbing-- for her to play a practical joke on you. A point that the other responde... (read in full...)
I lied and told him I was a virgin..the truth came out and now he needs space to think. Help me understand.
Q. I am 21 and when I first started dating my boyfriend I told him I was a virgin but really I had slept with one person before him. He has spent the last four months of our wonderful relationship thinking he was my first. But we are getting serious ...
A. 11 January 2006: Personally, I think he's making too big an issue over this. Yes, you did tell a lie, but the real issue --surely-- is that you love him and wanted to correct the error of judgement you made when you first met.
It sounds a lot to me like his ego ... (read in full...)
My ex wants me back but he's controlling and makes me cry. Should I go back to him?
Q. I am still in love with my ex boyfriend who would take me back in a second, but when I am with him he often talks to me badly, tries to control everything I do and often makes me cry. I know he loves me alot but I do not know if it is worth putting ...
A. 11 January 2006: Why do you feel you love someone who treats you so badly? Do you think there's something wrong with you that no one else would "care" as much as he does?
The truth of the matter is that this guy *likes* to control you and make you cry. Go back to ... (read in full...)
He wants to live his life as a woman...should I tell him to leave??
Q. Married for 24 years my husband files divorce on me explaining he is "transgendered" and wants to live his life as a woman. He expresses he is not gay, but I find him flirting with men on the internet, and showing himself off in his female ...
A. 10 January 2006: What's "wrong" with you? Only that you're normal, and you're having difficulty adjusting to the fact that your husband of 24 years now tells you that he is a woman inside. I don't think there could be a bigger shock for a married person and I can ... (read in full...)
He's 34-I'm 16..he wants to take me out for my birthday...provided I give him my virginity!
Q. i really like this guy i work with he's 34 im 16. he's always flirting with me and has offered to take me out for my birthday as long he can take my virginity. i really want him too, but im worried about what people might say. he makes me feel s...
A. 10 January 2006: To save time, I'll just write that I agree with everyone else whose comments precede mine.
I also disagree that an "older man" would necessarily be a better lover than someone your own age. More experienced? Maybe. But this guy has already ... (read in full...)
He talked me into anal on the basis that I'm still - technically - a virgin. That doesn't make it feel any better though!
Q. I am a 16 yr old girl. I have been involved with the same guy for 2 years. We both had are both sexual experience together. Ii went down on him but he is pressuring sex on me and I keep saying no. So now he has talked me into anal sex, saying I...
A. 9 January 2006: What about what *you* want? Isn't that important too?
You seem only to be having sexual contact with him because that's what *he* wants, and you believe that if you don't he'll dump you. Is that about right?
Well, in that case, he doesn't care ... (read in full...)
Any advice for a ginger guy?
Q. Hi i am 18 and i have never really had a girlfriend and i have been unfortunate enough to be born with the worst astetically pleasing hair colour. ( thats my excuse). i dont think i am that unattractive (apart from the above) but it seem that i ...
A. 9 January 2006: I can't understand your problem. I'm as female as anyone, and I think ginger-haired guys look hot!
Why are you letting something that you can't change (and that's basically very appealing because it's so rare) get in the way of your love life? B... (read in full...)
Is it unfair to make my 34 yr old boyfriend wait until we have kids and get married?
Q. Hi, ive been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and he is 34 years old and im 21. At first the age didnt bother me but just recently, he has been saying he is ready for marriage and children, i have told him that i am not ready just yet and he ...
A. 8 January 2006: Forgive me for indulging in a tiniest squidge of "well, der", but this is what people meant when they told you three years ago "He's too old for you. You're at different stages in your lives!"
Dating a guy almost twice your age can have a lot of b... (read in full...)
Help! My friend has gone off the rails...
Q. HEY, I am 16 and my friend also 16 has recently gone onto the bad path. She has started smoking and drinking even thinking of doing drugs, when I try to advice her on it she says that I am a "drag". She says that she is not doing for attention bu...
A. 8 January 2006: You're a good friend to try to offer help, but unfortunately, as the old saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". Until you friend realises that she's being self-destructive and wants to stop, you can't make her ... (read in full...)
Should I give my "just going skiing for Xmas, dearie" boyfriend another chance?
Q. Is he worth it ? Four days before Christmas my bf of 2 years decided he wanted to spend Xmas at a skiing resort and said he would go with or without me after we had planned on spending Christmas at home! I would have gone however found it...
A. 8 January 2006: His behaviour WAS selfish and unreasonable, so the question you need to ask yourself before you decide whether to give the relationship another chance is, "Why did he do this?"
Did he offer to tell you why, when you'd already make plans to be to... (read in full...)
Stay with my almost-perfect boyfriend (no sex) or go back to my ex (with hot sex)? What to do...
Q. Hey everyone, I have a real problem facing me. I have been with my current boyfriend for 18 months and out of the blue my ex-boyfriend has told me he really wants to be with me. I then spent the night at his just catching up because we hadnt seen ...
A. 8 January 2006: I'd say stay with the current BF. You can always jazz up your sex life with him, and if he's "almost perfect" in every other way, you can have a man who's a great match for you.
Try some new, spontaneous sexual ideas with the current boyfrien... (read in full...)
Should I go out with my text-message girl?
Q. please answer my question. i like this girl in my year (im 16) and i think she may know i do. we are pretty close with each other and we went to a party and we cuddled all night and when we had to leave we kissed each other on the cheek. now ...
A. 8 January 2006: I think it sounds like a great idea, all of it, just as it is.
But from what you've described here, she'd probably be interested in going out with you much sooner than Valentine's Day, so why not ask her out sooner, rather than waiting another ... (read in full...)
Honey to the bee?
Q. How would you attract a guy without looking desperate?...
A. 8 January 2006: The quick answer is: confidence. The more detailled one is: Look like you feel comfortable in your own skin. Smile and make eye contact with people you're talking to. Be quiet now and then and listen to others' remarks. Include the guy you're i... (read in full...)
I'm a 23 year old virgin with a 5.5 inch penis. I feel shy about having sex...help!
Q. i am 23 old virgin and i have 5.5 inch penis .should i feel shy from having sex ? i feel shy :(...
A. 7 January 2006: Sex is not about size, it's about style!
Furthermore --and I'm going to get this tattooed on my forehead, just so I can stop saying it and writing it-- only men care about penis size. Women don't care!
Read my typing: w-o-m-e-n d-o-n-... (read in full...)
My relationships only last a few weeks at the most. What can i do to improve my love life?
Q. im 18 and had many boyfriends but my relationships only seem to last a few weeks at most. i met a really nice lad and we spent a whole weekend together but out of the blue he dumped me over a text. what can i do to improve my love life?...
A. 7 January 2006: I can think of two actions that can ruin relationships quick-smart. Try to avoid:
1. Rushing things. Romantic comedies aside, nobody really falls in love and starts talking about getting married in a weekend. However, I know that a lot of young wo... (read in full...)
The girl I love says I should forget her, because she has a boyfriend...
Q. I have been in love with this girl for so long now, since grade school. Now is the only time that I can say to her my true feelings, but she has a boy friend and now she wants me to forget about her. I've been waiting for her for a very long time...
A. 7 January 2006: Under the circumstances, you have two options.
First, you can sit and wait for her, maybe forever. You can not do anything, or go out with anyone, showing her how incredibly devoted to her you are.
The problem with that is that she doesn't... (read in full...)
During sex my boyfriend admitted to sex with another girl. He says "it's just sex", so it shouldn't bother me!
Q. My bf lives abroad and we only see each other every few weeks. I have just spent a wonderful Xmas with him and during sex he told me that he had sex with his former gf a few weeks previously. He says that he loves me but also that he sees no reason ...
A. 7 January 2006: Wow.
What a titanic ego he must have.
His love for you is 'different' all right. Whilst SHE was just sex, YOU'RE... ummm... what's lower than "just sex"?
What your boyfriend said and did was more than merely insensitive, it was bord... (read in full...)
We were friends and slept together...now he won't even talk to me
Q. Hi there, I hope you are able to offer me some helpful advice. Last year me and my best friend (who is male) slept together. It was my first time. It wasnt meant to happen but it did, and it kept happening over a long period of time. In the e...
A. 7 January 2006: To put it bluntly, what happened was that he let his willie run his brain, rather than the reverse.
The fact that "it wasn't supposed to happen", but that it did happen "over a long period of time" suggests to me that --after the first time-- h... (read in full...)
He verbally abuses me but wants to marry me. But I'm not sure I love him! Help!
Q. Hi,i have been with my bf for about 8 months and we were really serious and he's all introduced to the family and said to my momma he wants to marry me and he loves me but i have a prob. I dont know if i just love him or if i am in love with him. ...
A. 7 January 2006: Even if this guy wasn't proving he's a waste of your time by hurting you with words, it's plain that you're not ready to get married, simply because you're not sure.
Marriage is supposed to be something rock-solid that you do because it's absolute... (read in full...)
Some friends lied and told me my bf wants to break up with me...I''m upset and I want to get back at him for doing this. What should I do?
Q. Me and and my boyfriend have been going out for almost three months now and everything was great until one of friends came along. Yesterday during fourth period his friend said to me "He wants to dump you."I just said "...
A. 6 January 2006: The best way to handle childish friends is not to respond to the bait. If you try to "get back" at him, you're only stooping to his level, aren't you?
Forget the harebrained scheming and "teaching him a lesson" and all that rot. That rubbish ... (read in full...)
My physics teacher still leers at me and makes suggestive remarks. I think I'm falling for her!
Q. I think a teacher fancies me. I am 16 and in 6th form and ahe is about 45. When I was in year 11 my physics teacher used to wear low cut tops, showing her breasts and every lesson she would stand opposite and bend over the desk and help me with my ...
A. 6 January 2006: A woman of her age (my age, too) who behaves that way with a minor student is not only unprofessional, she may actually have mental health issues. I urge you to do your best to ignore her advances.
Don't, under any circumstances, give in to th... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin. How can appear to be experienced at sex my first time?
Q. Hey I need help I am a virgin male. I recently met a girl, and she is an expert in sex. What must I do while having sex, to not appear that I am having sex for the first time?...
A. 6 January 2006: You don't need to pretend to be experienced. Every person is different and enjoys different things in bed, so even if you had had sex with a dozen other women, this new woman would still be an exploratory experience.
Some people think that exp... (read in full...)
Could I bring back a lost love with a love spell... or is that just a scam?
Q. I have a question about somehting a Lil bit different. I was doing a search for love advice and came across this one and another one that I have a question about. It was bring back a lost love by ordering a spell .Do you think these really work or ...
A. 6 January 2006: Complete scam. It's a pretty cynical way for people to take the money from desperate individuals.
Hate to be the Queen of the Bringdown, but there is no magic spell that will bring back a lost love. Also no Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy or fair tax... (read in full...)
Why am I so spotty? I'm really clean...
Q. Please help me. I am 15 years old, and have so many spots. I am quite pretty (I don't want to boast) and when I get spots I feel that people stare at me, some even say "Urgh, you're dead spotty!" and it's really making me depressed. I have tried e...
A. 5 January 2006: It's easy to mistake teenage acne for the kind of infection that's caused by a lack of washing, but they're two different conditions.
Acne in people your age is a bacterial infection, which is caused by, and aggravated by, natural oil secretio... (read in full...)
I have a gay crush on my younger 19 year old co-woker
Q. I am 23 year old male and in a position of authority at work. I have never been in a relationship and have very little experience. Recently I have developed a huge crush on a younger 19 year old male colleague. He is straight. Is it wrong to declare ...
A. 5 January 2006: If you're sure he's straight, then do try to think of it from his point of view, and hold your tongue: He's 19, probably not all that experienced in the world, and his boss is (effectively) coming on to him.
At the very least it's going to make ... (read in full...)
Why won't my folks give me some space, and treat me like the adult that I am?
Q. Hey everyone, I'm hoping that the adults and parents out there can offer some advice... I am 21 years old, and my boyfriend is 24 years old. We'll be dating for a year as of Valentine's Day. We have a great relationship, and he treats me r...
A. 5 January 2006: I don't think this is about your boyfriend as much as it's about your parents not wanting to let you grow up. It's time to sever the apron-springs. Do it after you graduate, but before you decide whether to go to grad school.
Reading between ... (read in full...)
Worried that my son wants to "live in squalor"... !
Q. I was having a conversation with my 16-year-old son recently about his plans for the future. He said to me he wants to finish college, go on to university, then get a good job, and live in squalor. I asked him why he wanted to live in squalo...
A. 5 January 2006: Think about it... your son is 16, and at an age where he wants to say and do anything that will yank your chain. He's just being contrary because he can tell it bothers you. Teens are *designed* to test their parameters with their parents. I'm sure ... (read in full...)
My man is obsessed with hygiene... Could this cause problems with our relationship?
Q. I'm in a relationship going on two months that's going great, except I've discovered a "quirk" that I'm afraid may be indicative of larger issues... My guy is concerned about cleanliness and hygiene to an extreme; that's ok, I appreciate those ...
A. 2 January 2006: Does he know how he developed this obsession? Is it really just about his health, or it is more about trusting people?
If he can't give you a clear, rational answer about it -- "I'm allergic to casein and I can't be sure that there wasn't milk in ... (read in full...)
It really bothers me that my man isn't affectionite unless he wants to have sex with me.
Q. My man is'nt very affectionite unless he wants to have sex with me it bothers me cause I try to give him kisses or rub him or what ever but he never does it to me unless he wants sex. even when we go out drinking he hates P.D.A's I hate it I could ...
A. 2 January 2006: Well, I have to lean toward your boyfriend's way of seeing this. I too hate PDAs. It's just not tasteful or courteous to other people around you to be pashing off like a couple of rutting animals. Smouldering looks or a quick smack on the lips are ... (read in full...)
I'm always the person who has to take the initiative with my relationship. Should I just break up?
Q. Should I break up with my boyfriend? He doesn't call me or talk to me at all. I usually have to push him to do stuff, like asking me to a dance. He's a great guy and I don't want to regret anything. I really do like him but our relationship is getti...
A. 1 January 2006: It's probably time to tell the "great guy" that you really want more out of a relationship than you're getting, that you're tired of always having to try to motivate him and that it makes you feel like a nag. Let him know that you'd like your ... (read in full...)
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