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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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Worried as a black-guy that my "package" isn't up to par with my brothers
Q. On the subject of a man's "Size" what do Black women think is small, average or big. We all know what is said about black men, but I just don't feel I measure up. They say that average is 5-7", but it seems like that is mostly for white men. Shoul...
A. 9 December 2005: Erection is the great leveller, black or white. Most guys are around the same size when they're erect... and that tends to be around 5-6" (not 7").
I'm sure yours is fine!
I can't help wading into questions about penis size, because so many ... (read in full...)
I'm getting mixed signals from a girl... Should I confront her?
Q. About six months ago I asked a female friend who I really like if she would like to go out for a drink with me sometime. She sent me a text message back saying she would thought she was busy the coming weekend she suggested the following weekend. ...
A. 9 December 2005: Stop trying to interpret 'signals'. You're trying to attribute interest where there isn't any. She's probably flattered by your attentions, but I'm sorry. That's all I see in this.
What did her ACTIONS say, when she had several months to text you... (read in full...)
Was my ex just using me? Or is there a chance we can work things out?
Q. My ex and I broke up a week or so back. We have spent alot of time together since, and things have been better. We ended up having sex again the other night, and now I'm confused. I know I want to be with him, But i dont think he feels the same. He ...
A. 9 December 2005: It probably should have set off alarm bells when he told you he loved you but wasn't "in love with" you. That's another way of saying, "I'd rather have you as a friend than a girlfriend", don't you think?
The sex should have been the next worry. H... (read in full...)
I think I'll be famous, rich - and probably beatiful too. Big-headed... Or confident?
Q. Im nearly 16 soon, but all of a sudden, I have a feeling, and this might be big headed, that I will be famous, and rich. But where does this come from? And is it just a crazy fantasy or might it happen? Im confused, because when I have asked ...
A. 9 December 2005: From my perspective, it's both a crazy fantasy *and* it might happen. After all, the only people who succeed in their lives are the ones who work hard at success! If you already feel that you're destined for big things, then you're a step ahead!
... (read in full...)
I love her, she loves me, but can teenage relationships really have fairytale endings?
Q. I am a male teenager nearly 16. I have a girlfriend of 3 months, and I know what i feel for her is real love. She is 15. I have been with several girls in my life, but she is the only one which makes me feel the way she makes me feel, which is ...
A. 9 December 2005: Can teenage romances have fairytale endings? Yes, they can.
Do they have fairytale endings very often? Unfortunately, no.
Will yours? Statistically speaking, probably not. But then, maybe you'll both prove me wrong. Neither of us is an oracle,... (read in full...)
Why didn't I enjoy sex?
Q. i had sex for my second time and it did nothing for me! it still hurt slightly and didnt arouse me. whats wrong?...
A. 8 December 2005: Nothing is wrong with you; you've just been taken in by popular media, which suggests that the merest contact between penis and vagina is enough to drive women wild with passion, inevitably leading to multiple orgasms.
Hmm. I know that sounds l... (read in full...)
My friend is a pathological liar...do we confront her or ignore her?
Q. My friend is a liar. We have researched it and we think she has the symptoms of a pathalogical liar. Should we confront her about it? Or should we continue not beleiveing anything that she says? PLEASE HELP ...
A. 8 December 2005: I don't think "confrontation" is such a good idea. Why do you have to be confrontational about it? Has she caused a lot of trouble that you feel you have to reprimand her for? Or are you and your other friends just annoyed at her?
You also sho... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has never once been wrong... or sorry!
Q. My girlfriend will never admit she's wrong. I always have to say sorry to her first if we argue. Then she doesn't even say sorry back. She has never said sorry once in our 2 yr relationship. Things that are clearly her fault; she won't say sorry ...
A. 8 December 2005: This is not meant to excuse your girlfriend's behaviour, but only to try to help you understand it.
People who can never admit that they're wrong have learnt somewhere along the way that being wrong is a weakness. They feel that if they admit to... (read in full...)
Is my package too small and does size really matter?
Q. I am curious about the old saying "Size doesn't matter". I am considered average size at 6 inches(from what I've read anyway), but find myself very insecure thinking that I am small. I am quite thick, but fear that I should be longer. I have ne...
A. 6 December 2005: Here's the truth: only men notice penis size, and most men think theirs is too small. It's not. Men who watch porn movies get the - wrong! - idea that nine inches is desirable and makes women go "oh yeah!". Actually, nine inches would make the ... (read in full...)
Suddenly I'm attracted to a girl a year below me. I don't know how to start talking to her...
Q. Hi everyone, I have a problem. I'm in year 11 and for some reason I have feelings for this girl in year 10 who I have never spoken to in my life. Why is this happening? How can I start a conversation with her? It's hard to talk to her because she ...
A. 4 December 2005: Think of all the girls you know, then think of all the ones you've talked to for various reasons. How many have actually "laughed at" you? I don't mean girls that have giggled nervously because they didn't know what to say... I mean girls who ... (read in full...)
Any tips on talking to girls...one on one?
Q. hi im 18 yr old male - sorry for the stupid question - it's not one anyone can answer really - but i thought i'd say it anyway.... it's just that i never know what to say to people (especially girls). i like being in a big group and just chipping in ...
A. 3 December 2005: The best way to talk with anyone, regardless of their sex, age or status, is to ask questions, listen to the answers, then ask more questions based on what they've said.
At 18, and in groups of people your own age, one way to start is "Where d... (read in full...)
I can't understand why my guy wants to pretend we're not actually together!
Q. Hey, I have a problem. I feel like my new boyfriend is trying to hide our relationship at school. He says because his ex girlfriend might kick my ass. He says he likes me a lot, he just doesn't want me to get hurt. I'm not sure if his ex coming a...
A. 3 December 2005: The question you need to be asking is not "How can we make this work?", it's "Could it ever work if he's not willing to admit we're together?"
Sadly, the answer is No.
What it comes down to is that this guy is not your boyfriend if he'... (read in full...)
My son wants a mature girlfriend...what do I do?
Q. I am worried about my son. He is 16 and wants an elderly girlfriend... what do I do? A Worried Mom...
A. 3 December 2005: Try not to worry. I think he's probably just "yanking your chain". A boy at that age wants to do the exact opposite of what he's "supposed" to do; remember, part of growing up is rejecting everything your parents tell you.
He's very, very unl... (read in full...)
My husband has threatened...either the pet dog goes or he moves out!
Q. I am a newlywed, married in August. When my husband and I were dating, I had a dog. My husband had never owned pets in his life, but seemed okay with it. Some months before the wedding, my dog was killed. I was grief stricken, but I always knew ...
A. 3 December 2005: It doesn't sound like you "changed your minds"; it sounds more like your husband agreed to getting a dog to try to make you happy. Now he regrets his choice because he didn't have any idea about the impact a dog could have on his life.
Someo... (read in full...)
We aren't getting on and we are expecting a baby
Q. Hi there. Bit of a complex one but would appreciate your advice. My girlfriend of 2 and a half years is pregnant. It was an unplanned pregnancy - she came off the pill on medical grounds and we did have sex a few times without condoms. I guess ...
A. 3 December 2005: Both you and your girlfriend need to decide what's best for the baby. Leave your own feelings about each other right out of the discussions. As adults, each of your futures is in your own hands, but the child you've created is stuck with whatever ... (read in full...)
She wants a break because I'm too overprotective-what do I do while we are apart?
Q. Ok, my girlfriend moved in with me b/c she had problems at home. We lived in a hotel 1-2 months until i found an apartment. She was still in school, I graduated the year before to give you an idea of age. We were so happy to be together and did many ...
A. 2 December 2005: From the way you describe things, it's sounds like she jumped right out of high school into Real Life Adulthood in a matter of months, with the result that she was disappointed and disillusioned about how rough things were.
Fair enough, too. You... (read in full...)
My son is 19 and his gf is 38...my wife and I are worried about the age gap.
Q. My 19 year old son is dating a 38-year-old woman and I am concerned for him. My wife is worried about the age difference and our son; what do I do? The age gap is 19 years - and I'm worried for him. Thankfully he's not talking about marriag...
A. 2 December 2005: You'll surely remember what it was like to be 19 years old; you know everything already and nobody has any answer better than the one you just thought up.
So, obviously there's nothing you can say to your son to dissuade him from dating his olde... (read in full...)
I moved to the US to be with my boyfriend, but it was too much, too soon.
Q. Hi there, I hope someone can help as I'm going crazy. I moved to the us to be with my boyfriend but it was too much too soon and I was defensive while he became distant and panicked. he tried to talk to me and I moved out really upset. He let me ...
A. 2 December 2005: This guy just isn't ready for a relationship. Not with you, not with anybody. If you stick around and try to "make" this work because of a fantasy that you have about what you'd like to have happen, you're in for more disappointments and ... (read in full...)
I am so scared about getting pregnant...help!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, we have such a strong relationship. We will probably be married within a couple of years and we are looking to buy a house together within a year. I am 21 and he is 22 years old, and I have been on ...
A. 1 December 2005: Since no method of contraception is 100% effective 100% of the time, then it's always good to have a backup method (like condoms). Having said that, the Pill is one of the most effective forms of birth control available. The greatest risk - which I ... (read in full...)
After almost a year of dating we haven't had intercourse...and it's driving me crazy!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for a little under a year, and we have a fun sex life, with one exception; we have never had penetrative sexual intercourse, and she says she wants to wait until she is married. I do see my self marrying her, ...
A. 1 December 2005: I know it's un-PC and quite possibly an unfair generalisation to say this, but I'll say it anyway.
A woman who makes sex dependant upon a ring on her finger is suss straightaway. Being celibate "until we're married" might seem a noble virtue, ... (read in full...)
I lied and I got sprung. Now I want to get my boyfriend to trust me again!
Q. Hi. I have done something incredibly stupid. I lied to my boyfriend. He might be leaving or at least sleeping in there. A few weeks ago when I went home to visit friends and my parents, I went to a party. Knowing how uneasy it makes him about my...
A. 1 December 2005: You admit that you already have a history of bad choices going along with alcohol consumption, so it's not surprising he didn't want you to go to this party. Then you went anyway. Then you lied about it.
You keep heaping mistake upon mistake ... (read in full...)
We aren't ready for children but what if she is pregnant?
Q. My girlfriend was two days late on her period last month, but she did menstruate. This still left me wondering though, because she is on birth control, and we have been able to time her periods almost to the minute. She is very regular. Anyways. She ...
A. 30 November 2005: Talk to her privately about this. Avoid blame or argument. Don't accuse, but speak calmly and sincerely. Tell her that you appreciate that she was probably being egged on by her friends, but that you didn't think the 'joke' was funny under the ... (read in full...)
At 13, I was traumatized by two men who attempted to rape me! I'm having nightmares now...please help.
Q. I was almost rapped by two men when I was 13, and I dont know how to get over it? I cant sleep, so how can I get some sleep without having nightmares?...
A. 30 November 2005: You need to work through the fear and trauma that those men caused you, and one way to do that is to discuss the matter with a trained person who can listen and help clarify your feelings now. Once you understand why you're feeling frightened now ... (read in full...)
I'm only 22 years old and I lose my erections! Is this normal?
Q. Hi, I am a 22 year old man and really afraid to have sex with girls as anytime, i tried it i lose my erection. I try to keep girls at a distance because of this. I enjoy cuddling more than anything else but don't want to take it further . I always ...
A. 30 November 2005: Well, let me put it this way: it's unusual.
That doesn't mean that you're wrong or weird, but it seems like you're just not ready to have sex with girls yet. Maybe you're just a late bloomer? Maybe you're unconsciously scared of contract... (read in full...)
Can my dad put my boyfriend in jail?
Q. I am 16 and my boyfriend is 19 and we have been dating for 3 years ... and i want to move in with him when i am 17..what do i do if my dad says he will put him in jail for me not being a virgin? can he do that if we have been together for 3 y...
A. 29 November 2005: That depends on where you live and your local laws. In some places, you're not considered at the "age of majority" (ie: an adult) until you're 18. That means you can't have sex with someone over 18 (yes, even if you've been together for 3 years). In ... (read in full...)
Scared to hear his verdict about our relationship. Will he want to break up?
Q. My boyfriend has "come back" from his time of space, he has sent me a message asking to call him, as we have a lot of things to talk about. I have feeling THAT THIS IS IT. He is breaking up with me, he always signed of his messages reading i love ...
A. 29 November 2005: Sounds like you've handed all the power and control in this relationship to him. Why? Why is what he wants the only consideration? What do *you* want?
This man has put you through hell already and now he feels that he can summon you to hear his... (read in full...)
I told him I fancied another guy to make him jealous but it backfired!
Q. I really like this guy. He is 18 I am 16. He is from Dubai but recently came over to Wales to go to college. I didnt know he liked me at first and i told him i fancied his friend to see if he got jealous. Which he did, then i told him i fancied him ...
A. 28 November 2005: Lesson One: Don't play mind games with people, particularly with people you like. Be honest and truthful as much as you possibly can.
Lesson Two: Accept your stuff-ups and learn to move on.
Because you didn't even wait to have a relationship w... (read in full...)
I'm too young to get engaged-but I think I may be getting a ring at christmas!
Q. hello, I am 17 and i have been with my partner of 22 for two years in december. I keep hearing of proposing at christmas and engagement. But i feel i'm too young for this and i have a cousin that is my age and she knew her boyfriend for si...
A. 28 November 2005: Now is the time when you need to air your concerns to your boyfriend, don't you think? If you and he have been going out together since you were 15, you should know him well enough by now to talk to him about matters this serious.
Put a positive... (read in full...)
I smasturbating bad for you?
Q. Somebody please tell me the truth, is masturbating good, or bad for you? Is it healthy? If you do it to often do you waste your cum? Does your penis become skew? I'm hearing so many different stories, i'm lost. Thanks...
A. 28 November 2005: It's good for you, inasmuch as it's relaxing, can relieve tension and takes the pressure off you to have sex with a partner before you're both ready. It can also be beneficial by helping you discover how far you can go without reaching orgasm, which ... (read in full...)
He's a great guy but I don't feel the spark, after dating for a month. How do I get out of this?
Q. I have been dating this guy my coworker set me up with for a month. He's a great guy almost perfect really, but I just don't feel anything. He doesn't get the hint when I dodge his calls and break plans with him. He's so nice I don't want to hurt ...
A. 28 November 2005: You don't have to "dump" him (an action that suggests heartless dismissal) but that doesn't mean that you have to continue dating him forever, either. Obviously this guy isn't a person to take a hint, so you're going to have to be kind-yet-direct, ... (read in full...)
Mum is having an affair...do I confront her?
Q. I have recently found out my mum is having an affair. My parents have never really got on in the past 10 years. I dont know weather or not to confront her or even mention it to my brother. Please help...
A. 27 November 2005: First point: Do not mention this to your brother. You don't know that anything actually happened. Right now you only *think* something did. Leave your brother out of the equation for now.
Second point: Please note that the dictionary definiti... (read in full...)
I feel disgust-my bf fantasizes about me having sex with an old man!
Q. I am 21 and my boyfriend is 24. He said to me that he wants me to sleep with an old man 'because it is one of his fantasies'. He said he won't get jealous and that it's good for our relationship. I find his idea slightly creepy to say the least....
A. 27 November 2005: You don't give any indication of how long you've been with Mr Creepy Drawers, or whether he's tried to talk you into any of his other fantasies, so it's hard to offer much constructive advice.
But the bottom line with being the featured performe... (read in full...)
My husband wants to buy a gift for a woman he works with and I'm objecting. Am I right?
Q. I've been married for 18 yrs. My husband has been working with a woman for 3 yrs. and wants to buy her a christmas gift. Is this acceptable? (The thing is, he had an affair 8 yrs ago with a different woman he worked with). I've met this woman and ...
A. 27 November 2005: Whether your objections are warranted depend on what sort of present he's talking about. If she needs a new sandwich toaster, for example, and he can afford it and wants to buy it for her (without affecting his other financial obligations), then ... (read in full...)
He won't change but wants me to...what do I do?
Q. Please help. When I first met my boyfriend, it was hearts and flowers. I've since discovered that he can be critical, impatient, judgemental and school teacherish. He has a temper and doesn't cope well with stress. I stand up to him now (didn't ...
A. 27 November 2005: Even if this man hasn't told you in precise words that he's no longer interested in your being together - and please note that he has - he's showing the classic indicators of a control freak.
Consider: he was lovely to you until he felt you were... (read in full...)
Can I change the way my testicles look?
Q. I am a man of 24 years of age but i am scared to get naked,never mind have sex with women. The problem is im embarrased by the size of my testicles,they are so small and tight u can barely see them.i think girls will laugh when they see them. I...
A. 23 November 2005: Please, please, PLEASE don't worry about the way your balls look!
Men seem to waste enormous amounts of time, concerned about women "laughing" at some aspect of their genitals, but, honestly, women DON'T CARE. A woman who gets affectio... (read in full...)
Is this just a nice way to dump someone?
Q. What the heck does this mean? It seemed as though things were going really well the best it's been, then this?!? "It was fun and I enjoyed our time together. As I said earlier I thought the idea of taking a step back was a good one. Things wer...
A. 20 November 2005: Yes, no question. It's a nice way of saying "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you".
As mommyofthree has said, it could have been much worse. It could also have been much more ambiguous. So many breakups have only "it's not you, it's me", or ... (read in full...)
I argue so much I feel like I don't belong in my family!
Q. hello, I am having massive problems with my mum. I keep arguing with her just before I called her a f*****g b***h. Then she came into my room and threw my Christmas tree across my room and slapped me on the arm. It all started when I was downstairs ...
A. 20 November 2005: Congratulations on being completely normal for your age group. From your descriptions, I'd guess you to be around 14. Arguments with parents and siblings, feeling alienated, swearing unnecessarily... yup. Normal.
Adolescence (let's say between ... (read in full...)
I'd swear my husband's buddy was flirting...even though he denied it!
Q. I am married for two years now and love my husband dearly. I have always been faithful to him and never thought of cheating or being with someone else. Last December I met his buddy, whom he has known since high school. He is an attractive guy and ...
A. 20 November 2005: Let's recap a bit: you say you'd never dream of cheating on your husband. His buddy pays you compliments but says he wasn't intentionally flirting. The buddy has a girlfriend he's been with all this time, and after a year of contact, nothing has ... (read in full...)
I want my fiance to get his vasectomy reversed, so he can have some children with me!
Q. Me and my fiance are very happy, he is older than me and has two kids to a previous marriage, I'm still quite young and would love a family but when I bring the topic up he says to stop pestering him and that he is thinking about it. The problem is ...
A. 20 November 2005: If having kids is something that's important and non-negotiable for you, then you should NOT marry a man who isn't sure he wants to have them with you.
Having someone *want* to marry you is certainly one of a young woman's biggest thrills in life,... (read in full...)
I can't admit to any past attractions, because my current girlfriend has threatened to leave me!
Q. About ten months ago I started dating my girlfriend. When she asked me about past relationships and why I hadn't had a long term girlfriend or very many girlfriends, I said that I wasn't attracted to them. But that was a lie. I was afraid and felt ...
A. 18 November 2005: Beware of any relationship that's so fragile that the truth could kill it.
Of *course* you've had attractions to other girls and women in the past. You'd have to be an automaton - or gay - if you didn't! What kind of rubbish and lies is your gir... (read in full...)
If I can't get oral from my girlfriend, can I get it somewhere else?
Q. My girl doesn't want to give me oral sex anymore. But there is this other woman who told me she she wants to give me oral sex. Is there a way I can get my girl to give me oral or do I go to the other woman?...
A. 18 November 2005: Whether you go to the other woman for oral sex depends on how much you value your relationship with your current girlfriend.
How do you think your girl would react to finding out that some other woman has her mouth around your penis? Pretty b... (read in full...)
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