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female
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anonymous
writes:Hi, My problem is kind of simple, but how do I tell my friend that her boyfriend constantly hits on me when she isn't around? I don't want to tell her because I am afraid she won't believe me, but on the other hand I want her to know what he does. Please help me. If I tell her, how should I say it? She is in love with him and I know he does not feel the same way about her because if he did he wouldn't say some of the stuff he has said to me (like "I'd do anything to be with you..."). HELP! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone! For my followup: I pretty much told my friend what he was up to. I just kind of said it jokingly but then explained the whole situation. She was in denial (her excuse was he was just being "friendly") but she wasn't mad at me..either way he broke up with her (predictable) and he rarely even talks to her anymore. She is upset but already flirting with other guys!
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (7 January 2006):
 i was in this situation once, my friends boyfriend was kissing her i was stood behind her (close cos we were at the bar) and as she couldnt see he started trying to fiddle with my bra! i was mortified and i went straight over to hers the next day and told her, it turned out to be a mistake at the time as she didnt believe me , she confronted him about it and he told her i was lying and that i must be jealous or something and even though me and this girl had been the best of mates since we were three she loved him so much and wanted him so much she believed him and fell out with me, it took ages for her to speak to me again and i had the pleasure of feeling uncomfortable around this guy for the next 10 years!
she recently ended it with him and she says that now she can finally admit to herself i was PROBABLY telling the truth,
I think if i had the chance again i wouldnt of told her i would instead tryed guiding her to see these things for herself
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female
reader, erin lewise +, writes (2 January 2006):
you should our friend first if he has ever hit her, if he has tell her that he hit u when she not aroundand sort out plan together, if not didnt tell her she'll reliase soon enough what hes really like.
the next time her bf says anything inappropriate ignore him , if he hits u either ignore it or hit him back .as long as u aren't encouraging him in anyway i think ur friend will believe u .
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female
reader, StarNews +, writes (31 December 2005):
 You are in a sticky situation. But you sound like a loyal friend because you want to do the right thing by telling your friend what is going on. Most likely if you tell her, she may choose not to believe you. She will confront her boyfriend, and he will deny it, saying that you were making advances at him. He is a snake in the grass, and Im sure you are not the only one he is making advances toward. I would avoid any situation where you could be alone with him. I feel that in time, she will see him for what he is, without you having to say a word, she may already know. A woman's intuition is a strong tool.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (31 December 2005):
 The best suggestion I can make to you is not to tell your girlfriend, but speak up directly to her two-faced, potentially-cheating boyfriend.
Next time he says something like that, tell him "I don't feel comfortable with hearing that, because you're with Alison and she'd be really hurt to know you're saying those things to someone else. Please stop, or I'll have to mention this to her."
You *won't* have to go to your friend, because the threat that you might should be enough to make him stop. In fact, he'll probably get scared and claim he was only joking and that you took everything he said wrong. If that happens, let him know that you're glad it was only a joke, but that you still don't like hearing it.
Whatever he says after that, don't let him make you feel like you're some part of the problem. This is HIS problem and he's made it. Be polite and firm and don't get sucked into thinking that you're involved, so you "have to" keep his grubby secret.
Believe me, your friend will find out his indescretions eventually and hopefully, she'll have the good sense to kick Lover Boy to the kerb, or at least have a long talk with him.
As long as you're doing nothing to encourage him (that includes giggling and acting flattered), then you're NOT the problem; he is. Let him wear it.
Good luck.
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