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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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She's already mentioned marriage after 4 dates, is this normal?
Q. Relationship material - yes or no? I am male, 52, and some while ago i split up with my wife after 30 years together and since then i have been very wary of geting involved with another female in a relationship... recently tho i have met a very...
A. 18 March 2006: My feeling is the the first few dates should be when you're on your 'best behaviour' and trying to make a good impression, because, as we all know, we dress up nice and take extra care at first, before we tend to relax a bit as months and years roll ... (read in full...)
Should I be a) be worried about the condom-in-his-wallet, or b) be less insecure?
Q. Hi there. Yesterday I found a condom in my bf's wallet and it has really been bothering me. I'm still a virgin so that's why I found it strange. He told me that it was not for another girl and that he just had it in case something would happen. I'm ...
A. 17 March 2006: I'm generally of the opinion that you give people the benefit of the doubt, unless you have some pretty solid evidence of a lie.
In this case, he's carrying a condom, which he said is not for anyone else. End of story.
You don't have any s... (read in full...)
Trying to think of reasons why I'm better off without him... But not doing too well :-(
Q. Hi i posted on the 15th about my fiance who was demanding that i marry him and move in else he would leave me, well i jsut want to say thanks to bev and the other readers who answered. I did speak to him and asked why he would suddenly ask this ...
A. 17 March 2006: Hi,
I'm really sorry that you're having trouble with how this worked out, but -- trust me -- you ARE better off without a person in your life making unreasonable demands of you.
After all, how can a person who claims to love you reconcile hi... (read in full...)
Trying to think of reasons why I'm better off without him... But not doing too well :-(
Q. Hi i posted on the 15th about my fiance who was demanding that i marry him and move in else he would leave me, well i jsut want to say thanks to bev and the other readers who answered. I did speak to him and asked why he would suddenly ask this ...
A. 17 March 2006: Hi,
I'm really sorry that you're having trouble with how this worked out, but -- trust me -- you ARE better off without a person in your life making unreasonable demands of you.
After all, how can a person who claims to love you reconcile hi... (read in full...)
My breasts are massive and I'm only 12! HELP!
Q. I hate my body I am 12 year old girl and my breasts have been growing in size for nearly 2 years now and they are massive Iam now a 38dd and they are growing bigger by the week is it normal for a girl my age to have such large breasts or is there ...
A. 16 March 2006: Please don't "hate" your body! It's part of who you are, and let's face it... you can't exchange it for another one!
You have to learn to accept what you've got, whether that's freckles and red hair, big feet, or a voluptous figure. (By the way,... (read in full...)
What can I say to the girl I love?
Q. I love this girl that I want to talk to but I don't know how to approach her or what to say....
A. 16 March 2006: Start out with "hello", then introduce yourself, even if you think she already knows you.
Smile and pretend that you're really confident and happy. That will go a long way towards helping calm you and making you *act* confident and happy.
... (read in full...)
He wants to rush things, but I don't. What should I do?
Q. hi, i have been with my fiance for 3 years, and recently he has given me an ultimatum. if i dont move in with him and out of my parents then he will finish with me. I had to say no because i am a student at university (im 21) and i have no income ...
A. 16 March 2006: You're smart to question his motives. This guy's manipulative at best, and might be an abuser.
If he loves you, why would he threaten to finish with you if you don't give in to his demands? Why does he need you to move out of your parents'... (read in full...)
I don't get to out with my mates, but they don't ask me either!
Q. I don't really know where to start with this but, basically i never go out with my mates!I'm 17. I feel like a am drifting apart from the mates i hang round with in college at lunchtime and break, me and them just don't seem to have an awful lot in ...
A. 15 March 2006: People do sometimes outgrow their teenage interests, and at right about the age you are now, so it's not likely that it's just you.
Friendships that you make in childhood only occasionally make that transition to adulthood. It's saddening somehow,... (read in full...)
Why won't he discuss our future with me?!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost a year, we're renting at the moment and are now looking into buying a place of our own. I dream of us having a long and happy future together, but he doesnt really let me in on whats his ...
A. 15 March 2006: Don't buy the house with him if you're doing it because you think it's a precursor to a marriage and kids. Yes, it might be, but if that's not what he thinks it is (he just might appreciate your help with a sound investment), you're going to have a ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend.... I think!
Q. i really need some help. i was very drunk and i think i cheated on my boyfriend who i love more than anything. i dont know why i did it, as the one thing i hate more than anything is people who cheat. sadly, i am not totally sure that i did it as i ...
A. 15 March 2006: Your options seem to be to tell your BF what you're pretty sure happened and let the chips fall where they may, or to carry on as if it didn't happen and hope he doesn't find out.
One option is truthful and the other is deceitful. Ironical... (read in full...)
Met a new, male friend that I'm VERY attracted to and not sure if I should admit my feeling to my boyfriend...
Q. Hi. I'm a 36 year old woman and have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 11 years and, for the most part, we are very happy together. Marriage has been discussed, but neither of us are very anxious to make that happen (we are comfortable and ...
A. 14 March 2006: It depends on what you think you'd gain by telling your partner about your crush. An expected reaction from most people would be hurt, jealousy and probably anger, so unless you're confident that he would respond in some other way, it seems cruel to ... (read in full...)
What's the difference about love?
Q. what does it mean when a guy you've been dating says he loves you but is not in love with you?...
A. 14 March 2006: Generally, it's a way to soften the blow of telling someone that they're not (or not any longer) interested in a relationship with you.
What he's saying is that he "loves" you in the way that you care about the wellbeing of a friend, but isn't "i... (read in full...)
Things were so good to start with... But now they're not and she won't have sex!
Q. Me and my girlfriend are both 16 years old, and have been going out now for just over a year. We're still very close to each other, spending about 4 days a week together and still really enjoy being with each other. However, when I think about ho...
A. 14 March 2006: Though it's probably fair to say that sex happens less as a relationship goes on, that's sometimes compensated for by a deeper, more intimate relationship and a total comfort with each other as years roll by.
So, in answer to your question... (read in full...)
Why would he be telling me that he thinks his ex is "fit"?
Q. I'm scared I'm being too needy with my boyfriend but I feel he is trying to make me insecure. The other day he told me he thinks his ex girlfriend is 'fit' and I don't know what to think about that. He said he's not gonna think she's ugly as he went ...
A. 13 March 2006: Is this a one-off or something he does regularly?
If it's a single incident, then blow it off. Some guys can be a little bit thick about understanding women's emotions. He may just have tossed off a remark without running it through his mental "... (read in full...)
Where can we go together that's new and different?
Q. Hey there I was just wondering, where is the best place to go out, or just anywhere to have fun or learn something new. Well the reason for this is that I just want to find some were new and different to go out with my boyfriend apart from watch...
A. 13 March 2006: Why no go for some walks together? This is even better if one of you has a dog. Walk around your community, or somewhere scenic, like the beach or a lake, or through the bush.
Check out the "touristy" aspects of your own town. Look at local mu... (read in full...)
My BF already has another girlfriend, whom he lives with. But he says he loves me!
Q. Hi, Wonder if you can give me some advice. My boyfriend of 1 year already had a girlfriend when I met him. After 2 months things got serious with us and we started getting feelings for each other and spending every spare minute with each other. ...
A. 13 March 2006: I imagine he IS happy with you in his life. Just picture it: a longterm relationship with a girlfriend he loves enough to make a home with... then a bit on the side as well! Someone young enough and naive enough to believe that she's really the ... (read in full...)
What should I say to her?
Q. I'm in 7th grade and there is a girl who I really like. I've never had a girlfriend before and want to ask her out. The only problem is, I don't know what to say when I ask her out. Do I just say "will you go out with me" or what? ...
A. 13 March 2006: Actually, yes. That's pretty much how it's done.
Of course, it depends a lot of how well you know her. If she's a girl from one of your classes and she works with you on assignments, or is a friend you know well enough to talk to, then you can ... (read in full...)
Is his behaviour a sign of an abusive personality?
Q. Hello, I am currently in a long term relationship, and although I love my boyfriend very much, there seems to be a lot of stress involved. He can very difficult to deal with sometimes, and I can't figure out whether he has signs of an abusive ...
A. 13 March 2006: Ask yourself at what point does verbal abuse and overcontrolling behaviour -- that's what you're involved in -- become something you won't tolerate?
Does he have to blacken your eyes? Cut you? Kick you into unconsciousness?
Believe me, d... (read in full...)
What are we supposed to talk about when we're together?
Q. i have known my girlfriend for a year already. we just started going out a few days ago. it seems all that has to be said, has been said before. i know pretty much a lot about her, (but not that much) i am afraid when we hang out, i.. will have no...
A. 11 March 2006: The way that I keep conversations with my husband fresh (after 19 years!) is by discussing ideas.
You can actually learn a great deal about someone by talking about their ideals, their goals, their dreams, their annoyances and their interest... (read in full...)
Don't have a car... Don't know any magic tricks... Feel like I can't compare with my girl's fun and amazing ex
Q. my girlfriend used to date this guy a few years ago. apparently she says they never "went out" as a couple, she only seeing him. i guess there is a difference between dating and going out. well to make a long story short, she told me about her ideal ...
A. 10 March 2006: You and this girl aren't very well matched, I'm sorry to say.
She's hung up on some "older guy" who doesn't want to get back together, and she's -- appallingly! -- said to your face that she'll only hang around with you until something better c... (read in full...)
Worried my carefully crafted platonic relationship may go critical, nuclear style!
Q. I have been struggling with inappropriate romantic feelings for a woman (I'll call her Jane) who is a classmate at university. The feelings are inappropriate because I love my wife and kid, are devoted to them, and have no desire to end my ...
A. 10 March 2006: The danger in considering a time when a relationship with this woman might become a possibility is that it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You allow yourself to fantasise about your new friend and what might happen between the two of you, ... (read in full...)
I've just given up on guys... And am so totally depressed about my lovelife, it's making my SICK !
Q. Hi guys- Lately I have become real depressed about guys in general. No one looks at me, no guy gives me the time of day. I am the shyest person anyone would ever know. It really gets me down that I am so shy and I try to change it I just can't. I ...
A. 10 March 2006: Here's a tiny morsel of wisdom that I've gleaned over the years: when what you're doing isn't working, stop doing it.
Yes, well, I did say it was a tiny morsel.
But sometimes people feel desperate, and tend to overlook the obvious, thinkin... (read in full...)
Anyway, *she* is dishonest and *I* am developing stalker-like behaviour because of it...
Q. I can't trust my girlfriend #1 and I'm way jealous of her #2! Here's the deal.. I met a BEAUTIFUL girl, 10 out of 10, in the looks category. She's fun to be with, she tells me she loves me and I believe her, and we've been together since O...
A. 10 March 2006: I have grave misgivings about anyone who claims, "I could stop doing X, if she'd only stop driving me to it, by doing Y".
First of all, you should be very clear on one point: she's not responsible for your behaviour. You are.
The only one ... (read in full...)
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a girl who is a friend?
Q. Dear cupid. What is the difference between having a girl as a best friend and having a girl as your girlfriend? Im 16 and my best friend is 15. Im asking this because im best friends with a girl and we are really close. The only thing we don't do ...
A. 6 March 2006: Yes, that's a main difference. A girl who's your friend can be emotionally intimate, but not sexual. A girlfriend (ideally) is everything that your best-girl-friend is, but also sexually attractive, so that you want to kiss her and be physically ... (read in full...)
Too shy to ask out the girl. What if she turns me down and everybody laughs?
Q. I'm a 13 year old kid and I have never asked a girl out cuz I'm too shy and I'm afraid this girl I like will turn me down and tell her friends. What should I do? I don't want to be the laughing stock of the entire school....
A. 5 March 2006: You're focussing on the possible negatives and, I think, exaggerating your worries.
Trust me on one thing: she will giggle. No matter what. Girls your age just DO. They giggle with their friends, they giggle about teachers, they giggle about bo... (read in full...)
Money has brought me dating troubles!
Q. Hi. I own my own business and have done well / been lucky. I have a lots of money. This, I'm finding however, is bringing me problems. Two problems mainly. 1. I am attracting girls who are interested in me AND my money. They expect me to trea...
A. 5 March 2006: I'd suggest (if you haven't already) that you put a large share of your money into long-term investments, where you can't get at it for several years. Then you have it, but "don't" have it, if you see what I'm saying, and you can truthfully answer ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to make a move?
Q. I'm a teen girl and just wondering what is the best way to get someone that kinda likes you but hasn't made a move to do something? We flirt but it doesn't go further. He's not shy and his friends say he likes me but he won't ask me out. What ...
A. 5 March 2006: Invite him along to some outing with you and a couple of friends (both girls and boys, if possible). That will give you a chance to see him socially and reduce pressure on both of you.
... (read in full...)
I got dumped by my boyfriend's friend and I want some answers!
Q. Hi,I am 12 and in the sixth grade and I was wondering if someone could help me out with this problem I have. You see my boyfriend of 5 months had his friend dump me this past Wednesday, but I just don't understand why. So I thought I w...
A. 5 March 2006: I appreciate your trying to be mature in your outlook about this, but this situation comes down to your trying to demand something of him that he's obviously not capable of giving you; that is, an equally-mature response to your questions.
Think... (read in full...)
He hit me with a chair, and not for the first time. Should I leave?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are going through a rough patch and the other day he beat me with a chair. Not the first time hes hit me but I'm now debating whether to leave him. I do love him but I'm scared of him and I have no one else to turn to. What ...
A. 5 March 2006: No "rough patch" in anyone's life justifies hitting another person. Not with anything. Full stop. No exceptions.
There's no debate here, dear. You HAVE TO get out, and you need to do it now, before the violence escalates.
I don't know where... (read in full...)
I'm crazy about him, but he's just not interested!
Q. I am crazy about my best friend's brother but he is just not interested, no matter how hard I try. I'm 17 and he is 19. I just don't know what to do. Help please....
A. 4 March 2006: What you do is, stop trying.
Think about this. What's the most boring subject you studied at school? History? English Lit? Spanish? It doesn't matter what it is; the fact remains you weren't interested.
Now picture your most-boring-subj... (read in full...)
I love him as a friend and want more. He doesn't want us to go further, but gets jealous if I flirt with other guys!
Q. I have got really close to a new friend....we have got intimate and now he tells me he has fallen for me and I have with him. Now there is a big wall! He doesn't want us to go any further, but I would like us to. He wants us to stay as we are, ...
A. 4 March 2006: He's not being fair. He wants to have his cake (stay platonic friends with you) and eat it too (guilt you into saving your romantic affections for him).
This one's in your court, since he's not making a decision.
I'd suggest that you stay fr... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a lady to be willing, wet, yet get no pleasure at all from sex?
Q. Ladies... A girfriend told me that she had sex but it did not feel good. Never; now I replied that that is rediculous because sex always feels good if the woman is a willing participant. Excuse me for my ignorance but I think that when ...
A. 4 March 2006: No sir. Your assumptions are wrong. Sex for women doesn't automatically feel good. In fact, it can feel almost like nothing at all if there's no emotional connection for her. A vagina is not the reverse image of a penis! A woman's vagina -... (read in full...)
Should I be angry that he spanks the monkey?
Q. Should I be angry that my boyfriend openly admitted that he would enjoy masturbating to porn? Should I also be angry that he has masturbated while I am home?...
A. 4 March 2006: Angry? Why?
Would you get 'angry' if he admitted that he enjoys sneaking a piece of mudcake now and then? Would you get 'angry' if you found that he sings in the shower, just because he like the resonance?
Maybe he just wants to do something ... (read in full...)
I guess I need the drama in my life, but I really want my alcoholic, cheating boyfriend back!
Q. After having read loads of advice on lots of different subject on this page I am still in the same space I was 5 yrs ago. I was with partner 18 yrs, found out he was cheating. He had drink problem. It killed me watching him. He wanted to drink hi...
A. 28 February 2006: The reason that you're "in the same space" as you have been, hon, is that you indeed "need the dramas" in your life. Something about being ignored, cheated on and taken for granted as a sexual servant seems to speak to you, and give your life ... (read in full...)
Have I bitten off more than I can chew with my older guy?
Q. I am 17, and my boyfriend is 23, almost 24. We are in a hushed hushed relationship because of the age difference and I know my parents would disapprove. He also has a 2 year old girl. (I'm slightly jelous of that, but nothing to be done...) I feel ...
A. 27 February 2006: I don't have a crystal ball of course, and I don't want to sound the Death Knell for your relationship, but you really have to ask yourself if you two are on the same "page" in your lives.
You might be quite mature in your outlook and ready to... (read in full...)
Should I come out as bi-sexual? At school?
Q. Hi, There is a girl in my year at school who came out and said she was bi-sexual, she got loadsa crap for it too, which was unfair. I think i maybe too, and I dont know wheter to come out and tell people or not say anything until Im sure Im bi-sexua...
A. 27 February 2006: Until you start having sexual relationships with both men and women, your bisexuality (or not) is really only theoretical.
Because high schoolers can be so narrow-minded, cliquish and biased, I really wouldn't recommend coming out about your sex... (read in full...)
I am a gay but have I pissed off my not-gay friends?
Q. I am in a gay relationship but some of my 'friends' like to make jokes about gay people. We were going to go out with them to celebrate something soon, but I told them that it was all to 'hetrosexual' for me. Now they seem a bit pissed off with ...
A. 27 February 2006: Well, probably not. There aren't too many times you can honestly answer that getting shirty was the best possible response.
However, that doesn't excuse your friends from their insensitivity to your feelings. Making gay jokes is NOT OK and they... (read in full...)
I'm 14 years old and I want to run away. What should I do?
Q. IM 14 YEARS OLD AND WANT TO RUN AWAY. WHAT SHOULD I DO? ...
A. 27 February 2006: I'd suggest that you talk to someone about WHY you want to run away.
No one can really answer your question without more information, so find someone (preferably an adult) that you trust, and tell them the answers to some of these question... (read in full...)
Feel inadequate because of my lack of sexual experience
Q. Ive been going out with this girl for a while now, Im 19 and shes 17. The thing is im still a virgin and she has been sexually active since she was 14. We've talked about it and she says its doesn't bother her. But I feel stupid and inferior...
A. 26 February 2006: For a start, you need to calm down and start thinking rationally.
Losing your virginity -- for anyone -- is largely a matter of timing and happenstance, sometimes luck. Some people find themselves in situations where sex happens earlier than for... (read in full...)
Is sex only meant to feel good for guys?
Q. I've had sex with my boyfriend about 6 times, the pains gone but im not getting any pleasure out of it, and im starting to think this is only for guys, i dont even cum, but he does...is there something wroung with me? it feals better when im ...
A. 26 February 2006: Hmm. I'm wondering if you've discussed this with your boyfriend. Does he know that you're getting nothing out of sex with him? Is he making an effort to give you some pleasure too, or is it a case of hop-on, hop-off?
This is a problem that hap... (read in full...)
I'm bored with my bf..I'm bored with my friends...I'm bored with my life! Help me
Q. im 18 yrs old and im doing my A-levels, not doing to great and dont enjoy going to school no more. me n my m8s have a holiday booked for this year. and i see my bf sun- thur and go out on a fri n sat night wit my m8s. thing is coz of money cant ...
A. 25 February 2006: What I get from your letter (what I can read of it -- text is hideous) is that you're bored because you're so very passive. In other words, you're sitting around, doing the same things all the time and waiting to be entertained.
You and your boy... (read in full...)
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