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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My 55 year old mother is dating my ex boyfriend for sex!
Q. I am really peed of with my mother. i am not proud of her tbh. she goes out on weekends wearing short skirts or leggings and wears a top that shows off her sagging boobs (she is 55 years old and divorced). she loves the attention of men but what she ...
A. 9 May 2011: seems to me like a more than fair compromise.... (read in full...)
My intuition tells me no....but my whole body and 99.99% of my mind says yes!
Q. okay ive been talking to this guy on fb chat and he says really nice things to me. he tells me im awesome, that im a babe, im hot that he loves talking to me. that he misses me and that he wants to see me again. but the thing is that ive seen him ...
A. 2 May 2011: not all flirts are players or womanizers.
I'm a huge flirt but insanely faithful to my boyfriend
i have a male friend who's young (age 29) who is an outragesous flirt...we flirt all the time.... i love his fiancee... she's a flirt too.
FL... (read in full...)
What did I do or say that was so wrong?
Q. Ok i was supposed to be spending the weekend with my boyfriend that lives out of town. i had plans on driving and getting him, its only four hours away and he text me and told me that he couldn't come because he said something came up with his son. ...
A. 29 April 2011: he sends texts saying you should end it? (sorry I have a hard time understanding what you are saying) is he testing you? who knows. I think you need to stop worrying about HIM and focus on yourself... do you want to put up with... (read in full...)
What did I do or say that was so wrong?
Q. Ok i was supposed to be spending the weekend with my boyfriend that lives out of town. i had plans on driving and getting him, its only four hours away and he text me and told me that he couldn't come because he said something came up with his son. ...
A. 28 April 2011: within a year make it work?
you mean be in the same city?
who is moving to who?
so you guys meet halfway and get a hotel?
... (read in full...)
Should I really consider having a fling with an unhappily-married woman?
Q. I am having a real struggle with my conscience and really need some advice. I have been single for over a year after a break up of a 10-yr relationship. I have found dating hard because I don't want kids. Anyway, last weekend, I met someone who ...
A. 28 April 2011: RUN AWAY! a couple of reasons: 1. she's married and cheating 2. she's got kids and if you fall for her you will have to either leave her (painful) or end up with her and her kids (not what you want) if she is married and having a fling with you,... (read in full...)
Boyfriend resents spending £5 on me!
Q. My boyfriend of 35 doesn't have a lot of money to spare but has 8k in the bank and no debts and two cars and a bike which are his hobbies. We go 50/50 and always do free things like cycling and rambling. Last night I cooked him an expensive meal ...
A. 28 April 2011: he's cheap and frugal and does not share well. I agree you need to stop spending money on him or buying him things... it's much more fun to do when you do it for each other but clearly he can't manage that. ... (read in full...)
I don't want my friend to get hurt by this man, what should she do?
Q. dear cupid, i really didnt get a lot of responses to my question on tuesday. i need some good advive for my girlfriend. she is a good person . we are like sisters. i dont want her to get hurt. the guy she is seeing only goes to her place. he doesn...
A. 28 April 2011: he is not interested in her for a relationship. she needs to wait for him to find her... meanwhile she should start finding other men to date, and maybe have a relationship with that does not involve sex, so early on dont' get me wrong, I love se... (read in full...)
I feel short changed but should I be happy with my lot?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we have lived together for one year. He is 42 and I am 48. Before we got together he had not had a girlfriend for about 15 years. He said he had resigned himself to being single for ever. I think ...
A. 28 April 2011: I feel your pain my BF is 37 and he cannot say "I LOVE YOU". He told me of this before we got to the stage of our relationship where we would be saying it so I was prepared. we have actually had conversations where I say "do you mind that i ... (read in full...)
What did I do or say that was so wrong?
Q. Ok i was supposed to be spending the weekend with my boyfriend that lives out of town. i had plans on driving and getting him, its only four hours away and he text me and told me that he couldn't come because he said something came up with his son. ...
A. 28 April 2011: let me get this right you were going to drive four hours to pick up your boyfriend and bring him to you... I need some more info 1. how long have you guys been dating? 2. how often do you see each other? 3. what effort does he make to... (read in full...)
He doesn't call me, does this mean he doesn't love me?
Q. please i love my boyfriend but he does not call me , he said i should be the one calling, he said he does not have the money to call, does that mean he does not love me...
A. 28 April 2011: sorry when a man loves a women he'll do anything in his power to be with her talk to her... ... (read in full...)
My intuition tells me no....but my whole body and 99.99% of my mind says yes!
Q. okay ive been talking to this guy on fb chat and he says really nice things to me. he tells me im awesome, that im a babe, im hot that he loves talking to me. that he misses me and that he wants to see me again. but the thing is that ive seen him ...
A. 28 April 2011: you say you feel protective... personally I think you meant POSSESSIVE... big difference and not a healthy one. he probably is just flirting with you... you are one of many to him. that's not a bad thing at your age and if it's long distan... (read in full...)
Happy about the royal wedding but sad about not having a hubbie of my own!
Q. This is going to sound really odd but I'll give it a go. As everyone knows its the Royal wedding tomorrow, and being a royalist I am excited/happy to see the ceremony and the wedding dress etc. It will be a lovely day here for many of us in the UK ...
A. 28 April 2011: so if you have a boyfriend that is not marriage material and you want to be married what do you think you need to do? IF your goal is to be married (not be loved or adored) but just have that piece of paper and a ring, then the bf that is not ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do during sex!
Q. HI. So ive been with this guy for a while. I rily like him and I want to have sex with him. He is really experienced there. While ive had sex ive nvr known how to act. If he is on top wat do I do? Im nt loud..nd I dnt make faces I just lay there. So ...
A. 28 April 2011: well if it doesn't feel good when he's on top try different positions...
personally penetration for me in a straight missionary position leaves much to be desired........ (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep contacting me, when he's the one who ended it?
Q. As I've posted before, I dated a guy for a short time last year. He ended things as he wasn't ready to be in a relationship and wanted to be single. I'm 24 and he's 22. I was disappointed but let him go, but you can't force someone to be with you. I ...
A. 28 April 2011: calling at night late and asking to come over is a booty call...nothing more
good that you said no!... (read in full...)
Birth control without my parents!
Q. I am 17 and i want to get on birthcontrol but i dont want my parents to know because i dont what them to think im having sex everytime im alone with my boyfriend. So how do i go about getting birthcontrol without my parents???...
A. 27 April 2011: at 17 your doctor should be able to talk to you without mom or dad
i took my 15 yr old daughter to the gyn and I was NOT permitted back in the room... so they could talk privately
the doctor will not speak to me about her.... (read in full...)
After being sexually active for twelve years, I STILL can't climax during sex. I've tried so many things, please help!
Q. I have been sexually active for twelve years, and I still cannot orgasm during sex. I can make myself climax six or seven times a day if I wanted. Occasionally, I can climax with oral stimulation. But never have I climaxed during sex. I have read ...
A. 27 April 2011: I am 51 I started having sex at 14
i have had multiple partners... over many many years
I have ONCE had what i consider an orgasm during penetrative sex.
Sadly I think i'm more normal than not.... (read in full...)
Should I meet my online guy when he comes to my country on holiday? Will this ever work between us?
Q. Simply i fell in love with a german man over the internet i am irish .last summer he asked me to marry him over the internet Bizaare yes! i told him i wasnt sure and in the end i blocked him because i didnt want to hurt his feelings over the last ...
A. 27 April 2011: i would meet him in public for a meal or a drink (thinking coffee) See if you have any chemistry face to face....... (read in full...)
What else relieves stress apart from masturbating?
Q. Ok so i think i need better ways to release my stress, i always masterbate and thats the best way but i cant keep doing it all the time....... so what else can i do?...
A. 27 April 2011: running or yoga works for me... (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep contacting me, when he's the one who ended it?
Q. As I've posted before, I dated a guy for a short time last year. He ended things as he wasn't ready to be in a relationship and wanted to be single. I'm 24 and he's 22. I was disappointed but let him go, but you can't force someone to be with you. I ...
A. 27 April 2011: well it could be that he cares for you but is scared. but i'll defer to the men in this case since I'm not one...and i like to see the good in everyone...
i think that he's not a good bet for a relationship with you.... ... (read in full...)
Why would he have this type of porn on his computer?
Q. I found heaps of Asian porn on my husbands computer. Now I am worried he prefers them to me and I am getting very upset about it. Everytime we go out I am worried he is perving at them and preferring them to me. We fight about it all the time. I am ...
A. 27 April 2011: just his fantasy choice.
I deal with the exact same thing
I'm 51 with reddish hair, dark brown eyes and about a size 8/10 which my bf pronouces as FAT (he has a skewed image of what is fat and what it not)
he likes to date older women but ... (read in full...)
I think I am gay but I don't want to be! What can I do?
Q. Hello, I'm 18 years old. As question title says, I think I am gay. What can do I about this, if I don't want to be gay? I want to be straight, have a wife, family, kids. What makes me think that I am gay, is the fact, that I do not want sex with any...
A. 27 April 2011: sounds like you may be.
if you are there is no way you can be happy pretending to be something you are not.
you may want to move to a country that is more accepting of homosexuality.... (read in full...)
Can the right person come along when you are already married?
Q. I have one simple question: Can the right person come along when you are already married?...
A. 27 April 2011: I think so. of course I've been married three times (ended marriages 1 and 2 for reasons not related to other people..marriage 3 ended because it needed to but there was another person that was a catalyst) I don't think that we as humans ha... (read in full...)
Why don't I want to kiss this guy?
Q. What does it mean if I don't feel like kissing a guy? I have a strange situation: I am physically attracted to a guy, and he says he likes me a lot. But,I don't feel like being intimate with him at all. I feel like he's not at my same intellectual ...
A. 27 April 2011: do not force it... if it's not meant to be it will not be.
do not force a relationship that's not there.... (read in full...)
New relationship and already there are problems
Q. Hi. Im dating this boy and he and my best friend do not get along AT ALL. They always fight and I really would like them to get along which isn't going to happen. Because of that, I feel like this relationship isn't going to last very long. I also ...
A. 27 April 2011: let me get this straight:
you like two other boys MORE than you like the boy you refer to as your boyfriend.
you have not even had your first date with him yet
your best friend does not get along with him
and you feel like he ignores ... (read in full...)
Do girls get pleasure from anal sex?
Q. Hi, I have never had anal sex so I always wonder do gals derive pleasure out of it?...
A. 27 April 2011: some will
some won't
it will depend truthfully on if you have a skilled lover to introduce you to it...... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do during sex!
Q. HI. So ive been with this guy for a while. I rily like him and I want to have sex with him. He is really experienced there. While ive had sex ive nvr known how to act. If he is on top wat do I do? Im nt loud..nd I dnt make faces I just lay there. So ...
A. 27 April 2011: do you think you didn't react because it didn't move you?
I know that when I have sex with someone it's very different from making love with a man I love.... and my reactions are different....
... (read in full...)
My 55 year old mother is dating my ex boyfriend for sex!
Q. I am really peed of with my mother. i am not proud of her tbh. she goes out on weekends wearing short skirts or leggings and wears a top that shows off her sagging boobs (she is 55 years old and divorced). she loves the attention of men but what she ...
A. 27 April 2011: why does your mom being a sexual being bother you so much? I feel your embarrassement but your mom is just being a woman. Women in their 50s have sex drives to match men in their 20s. Nature has a sense of humor....
I'm 51, I dress cute..... (read in full...)
I saved up all year to see my LDR girlfriend and now she wants to come here!
Q. i have a massive dilemma. so im in a ldr relationship with my gf. and weve been talking about me going to see her in the summer for about 5 months. she lives in america i live in england. im on a gap year. so it comes to 3 weeks before the trip and ...
A. 27 April 2011: she sounds immature and selfish... I think you offered a very nice comprimise you come here then both of you go back there.
IF she can't comprimise on this then I don't think it bodes well for a long term relationship.... (read in full...)
The guy I dated on vacation turns out to be my new teacher! Can we keep things a secret?
Q. I was on a holiday with my friends three months ago and one night we were out in a club and we met a few guys thinking nothing of it i got really close to one of them and we kind of just stuck together for the rest of the holiday we had a great time ...
A. 27 April 2011: wait till you are over 18 and out of the school then feel free to carry on.
... (read in full...)
Is a line being crossed here?
Q. Hi, my friend with benefits, wants to cum on my face and I've had it on my tummy but never on my face, I realize it could be some sort of power trip for guys but since we re just friends and he's not my boyfriend, is a line being crossed here?? I ...
A. 27 April 2011: if you want him to do it there's nothing wrong with it.
Personally for me I would not like it so I would not agree with it... but that's just me.
I don't see it as a power play or control, i think it stems from watching porn...... (read in full...)
Do you think he had me in mind at all when he started writing such things on his page?
Q. After a year I finally had to walk away from my boyfriend who I was in love with. He was addicted to weed, verbally abusive and had severe mood swings and manipulated me. He is very spiteful and hurt me so much through the relationship, but I did ...
A. 27 April 2011: even if he is goading you into contact you must remain strong.
you left for a reason... keep reminding yourself of the reasons...
... (read in full...)
Ladies, would an effeminate man who had a male roomate at forty and flirted with younger students attract you?
Q. I asked a q before about a guy who may be gay. He is good lookong, very intelligent and highly educated. He is effeminate but he doesn't dress "gay." However, mamy people who meet him for the first time think he is. His colleagues think he is. ...
A. 27 April 2011: sounds like excuses to me.
btw frugal before marriage means frugal after...that won't change.
... (read in full...)
My bf refuses to change his fb status, what can I do
Q. My boyfriend of 5 months won't change his FB status and I am angry!! Right now it doesn't say he is single, he has it blank on that line. I sent him a request to change his status on FB from nothing to "in a relationship" and link it to my page. H...
A. 27 April 2011: does he do things otherwise to show you are a couple?
introduce you to his friends?
treat you well otherwise?
Facebook is truly a silly thing to break up over if everything else is going well.
I understand your feelings I do. ... (read in full...)
Why does my husband need to chat with other women when he has me??
Q. My husband has a close conversation chatting with other women through facebook, and after I knew about this, I told him to stop. He has opened another account, but I still had a feeling he still can have other alternatives to contact the women. ...
A. 27 April 2011: my soon to be ex husband did this all through our marriage.
it was because he has no self-esteem and he needed the ego boost.... (read in full...)
It started as something casual, now it's awfully complicated
Q. Backstory, Gay man, 21... studying at Uni. Decided before I started that I would NOT be getting into a relationship while at uni (previous experience of stress + exams = not good!). So I meet this guy 7 months back... was meant to be casual fun, a...
A. 27 April 2011: I had the same situation in my marriage to some extent. I had an open marriage and my husband knew I was seeing another man... It was supposed to be casual no strings attached sex.... cut to the chase... my husband left (I did not stop him) an... (read in full...)
He Didn't Want Me to Kiss Him?
Q. Alright, so there's this guy that obviously likes me. I mean, it's so obvious that it hurts. Unfortunately he lives 6 1/2 hours away. But, I went down and saw him this past weekend at an anime convention. I didn't get to see him on Friday, but I ...
A. 27 April 2011: Did you think to ask HIM why he doesn't want to kiss you?
I am in an LDR and let me tell you even at only 2 hours apart, with lots of free time and disposable income it's killing us. I'd die to be 6 hours away from my love...... (read in full...)
He talks to other women...what do I do?
Q. I found my husband has been talking to a lot of women. He has started hiding things better now that I found out he slept with one. He mashed up his cell phone because he didn't want me to see who was on it. He even went as far as changing the ...
A. 26 April 2011: I think you should consider ending the marriage.
You are young and he clearly is a liar and cheater (at least emotionally if not physically)
I'm sorry.... (read in full...)
Ladies, would an effeminate man who had a male roomate at forty and flirted with younger students attract you?
Q. I asked a q before about a guy who may be gay. He is good lookong, very intelligent and highly educated. He is effeminate but he doesn't dress "gay." However, mamy people who meet him for the first time think he is. His colleagues think he is. ...
A. 26 April 2011: would not appeal to me...
but as my grandmother always said "there is a cover for every pot"
it just does not sound promising at all.
... (read in full...)
How can I fight my gag reflex and give better blowjobs?
Q. hi guys, im 22 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 9 months. its going very well, and we have had sex. but now my boyfriend really wants me to start giving him blowjobs and swallowing his sperm. i have only give a few blowjobs. i've bee...
A. 26 April 2011: can't help with the gag reflex...
but if you use your hands at the base to come up and meet your mouth then he will feel more "enclosed" and that might help...
as for sperm/semen... most of the time it tastes nasty which is why getting most ... (read in full...)
After I moved thousands of miles to be with him he cheated on me with my co-worker!
Q. I don't know where to turn. Six years ago I met a man online, after talking for over a year online, I went to visit him and fell in love. I packed my things and moved from Pennsylvania to Alaska for him. I gave up everything adn our life together ...
A. 26 April 2011: There is no crime in moving back.
you are young... you have your whole life ahead of you
no sense spending it with a man you do not trust.... (read in full...)
My teacher kissed me! I don't know what to do or how to handle this!
Q. I KNOW ITS KIND OF LONG BUT PLEASE I NEED ANSWERS. Ok well i get along great with my maths teacher. hes funny, easygoing and a great teacher! We always have a laugh in class as well as getting the work done, but one day some of my friends started ...
A. 26 April 2011: You don't want him to lose everything over behavior that is wrong and inappropriate?
He is in a position of authority and using that against you.
HE DESERVES to lose EVERYTHING.... (read in full...)
What can I do besides having sex with my boyfriend
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 month now and we makeout all the time, recently he tried to finger me and I stoped him. I am virgin and plan to stay one until I get married, but I just felt like fingering is losing your vigintiy. I want to ...
A. 26 April 2011: Penis to Vagina intercourse TECHNICALLY is the only way to lose your virginity HOWEVER in my book girls that participate in all other activities (oral sex, anal sex) that involve penetration are merely TECHNICAL virgins....
necking and petting ... (read in full...)
My teacher kissed me! I don't know what to do or how to handle this!
Q. I KNOW ITS KIND OF LONG BUT PLEASE I NEED ANSWERS. Ok well i get along great with my maths teacher. hes funny, easygoing and a great teacher! We always have a laugh in class as well as getting the work done, but one day some of my friends started ...
A. 26 April 2011: you did nothing wrong but you HAVE TO TELL.... tell mom and dad or a trusted adult friend
HE DID A BAD THING... he is wrong.
... (read in full...)
In my opinion, fathers need to draw a line between being a parent or a club buddy-what do you guys think?
Q. Why is it that some men are unable to accept getting older and to be parents instead of best pals to their children.Don't you believe there is nothing stranger than seeing fathers in their 30's to 50's out clubbing with their sons? I am not saying ...
A. 26 April 2011: are you sure it was the parent?
I am 51 and my best girlfriend is young enough to be my daughter... in fact folks often ask if she's my daughter...
once a child is raised and adult, if they can manage to have a friends relationship wit... (read in full...)
If we're both fifteen...what happens if we want to have a baby?
Q. What iF You're 15 And You And Your Boyfriend Want To Have A Baby?!?...
A. 26 April 2011: I think it's a dreadful idea.
Babies are not toys
Babies grow up to be toddlers
how will you support this child?
rent
food
diapers
formula (if not breastfeeding and let's talk about breastfeeding.... ties you to the baby, best... (read in full...)
My bf refuses to change his fb status, what can I do
Q. My boyfriend of 5 months won't change his FB status and I am angry!! Right now it doesn't say he is single, he has it blank on that line. I sent him a request to change his status on FB from nothing to "in a relationship" and link it to my page. H...
A. 24 April 2011: ah so this is a trust issue. he's going to be gone for 4 months and wants you to sit and wait for him but you think he's going to play the field. has he given you reason to not trust him?... (read in full...)
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