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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Serious relationship question, why is he in such a rush?
Q. i was in a brief serious relationship with a guy who I had been in contact with about a year ago. just recently we became back in touch and decided to try a serious relationship. the only things was that he didn't tell me what his backgrou...
A. 18 May 2011: I agree it does not sound like a good idea to allow this man to possess and control you and I think that's the only way he knows how to have a relationship.
tell him thanks but no thanks... (read in full...)
Why would this 28 year old want to date me? And if he just wants sex, why would he bother asking me out to dinner?
Q. Hey there, Agony Aunts. (: Just a few things I'm wondering about... I am recently single and an attractive 19 year old. The other night while I was clubbing, a guy bought me a drink and we ended up spending most of the evening dancing and hang...
A. 18 May 2011: Suggestion: have dinner with him and see how it goes
19 is not too young for 28 that's only a 9 year difference
my boyfriend is over 13 yrs younger than I am... what does a 37 yr old man want with a 51 yr old woman? LOTS of things: din... (read in full...)
She's holding out waiting for me to ask her out but I don't like her!
Q. i am 19 yrs old and i belive in the value and principal of sex only after marriage. there is this young girl 17, who attends the same church i do. ever since we were young some of the adults in the church touted us as the next couple that we would ...
A. 18 May 2011: I agree it's never too late to be honest...
I suggest however you ask her out for coffee or a soda or something in a nice public place (so often you see couples on dates at Starbucks).... and tell her that you like her but only as a friend... ... (read in full...)
How do I make my husband see what his lying does to me?
Q. How do you get your husband to understand the amount of pain his constant lying and flirting can do to a marriage?...
A. 18 May 2011: in December my hubby lied to me yet again... big huge and blatant. I told him if he lied to me again I was done.
he moved out in march.
lies destroy relationships.
trust is critical
you TELL HIM... you can't take the lying. you don't ... (read in full...)
Should I marry this bad boy?
Q. How to deal with possibly marrying a bad boy who is slow at shaking his bad boy image......
A. 18 May 2011: to the anonymous Male who thinks that girls who "mess" with bad boys are for fun and games and not marriage... possibly. if she's a "bad girl" the way he's a "bad boy" then no she's not marriage material if your implication is that s... (read in full...)
How do I behave toward his daughter when she comes to visit?
Q. My partner has one daughter who lives with her mum. When I first met her it was on a day out with her dad when we went to visit her and I thought she had no time for me on that day. I kept my thoughts to myself because I was unsure. About 6 m...
A. 18 May 2011: 25? she's 25 and acting 10 and being allowed to?
oh no.
she needs to act like an adult
if she can't accept you she needs to suck it up.
sorry she's not a baby even if she's treated like one.
TREAT her with courtesy and respect but... (read in full...)
Is revenge worthwhile or just a waste of time?
Q. I would like to know what you think about this question.. Is revenge really worth anything, or it is just a waste of time? ...
A. 18 May 2011: "living well is the best revenge"
while a cliche I actually agree with this...
so... get a life, get happy, live well and know that you are doing everything you can to take care of yourself and ignore the person you want to hurt.... (read in full...)
How do I stop being so horny?
Q. I am Thirteen (Almost 14) and almost always horny. I'm ok with the fact, but not that I am horny all the time. Is there any way to keep my self from being like this so much? I know it would go down if I had sex, but I'm 13, that's not happening any ...
A. 18 May 2011: You are NORMAL!
can't really do much about it...... (read in full...)
We had sex on our first date and now he's ignoring me
Q. Hi, well a few months ago I met this guy on a bus and we got talking and it was an instant attraction. I totally fell for him we didn't exchange numbers we added each other on Facebook and I found out he had a girlfriend. I just forgot all about him ...
A. 18 May 2011: i'd just forget about him hon...
and learn... never sleep with a man who's NOT available emotionally.... (i.e. a man that is partnered already)
... (read in full...)
He doesn't care if he sees me before I go on vacation, but wants me to buy his groceries for the next month! Am I right to be upset?
Q. I need advise from guys who can relate to my bf's kind of thinking. I am about to go on a vacation and I was thinking of spending more time with my boyfriend at least during the weekend. However, he told me today that he will come home on monday a...
A. 18 May 2011: I agree with Honeypie! (as usual)...
if he can't spend the weekend with you before you leave for a month I'd want him gone too.
BTW why isn't he going on vacation with you?... (read in full...)
How do I forgive my husband and fall in love with him again?
Q. I've been married for 10 years. I chose my husband because he led me to believe that he was honest and spiritual. I thought he was perfect. As the years progressed, I found out that he was into porn, he would skirt around the truth a lot, and ...
A. 18 May 2011: HUGS to you OP... emotional abuse is so much worse in my opinion. With physical abuse there is "proof" of the abuse, a bruise, a black eye, a broken arm.... with emotional abuse, it's so subtle that we think it's something WE DID wrong. my... (read in full...)
Should I marry this bad boy?
Q. How to deal with possibly marrying a bad boy who is slow at shaking his bad boy image......
A. 17 May 2011: you don't marry him.... bad boys are for fun and games not marriage.... (read in full...)
Does playing 'hard to get' and being slightly unavailable keep a guy?
Q. Hello everyone. I have a question - does playing hard to get work and how do you do it? I am always the very willing one, always available, always wanting to spend time with my guy, quite needy and I always end up losing the guy I'm with! I think I ...
A. 17 May 2011: I'll vote for "A fine Romance" also... GREAT book!... (read in full...)
Living with my boyfriend and have a young child together, but thinking of meeting up with my online guy. Should I meet him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend on and off for 5 years, we live together and have a 10 month old son. For about 7 years ive known a guy online, hes sweet and we phone each other constantly, before I met my boyfriend we were planning to meet up as we ...
A. 17 May 2011: my husband knew that I had a friend and what was going on... and i did NOT want to end my marriage. I had no idea how unhappy I really was till this new guy came into my life... while it was not his fault my marriage ended he was a catalyst ... (read in full...)
I'm 5 years younger than he is and I'm worried that once I tell him, he wont want anything to do with me!
Q. I met this guy online about 6/7 months ago and we started out as friends. He had a girlfriend but there was something obvious between us that we couldn't ignore, despite him being in a relationship, in January he decided the relationship wasn't ...
A. 17 May 2011: tell the truth to him as soon as possible... apologize for the lie. ... (read in full...)
Not looking for sex or anything serious, how to tell him without being harsh?
Q. i met a nice guy on a night out, we didnt have sex, just cuddled and talked all night. he told me that he had been in a relationship for 4years and now he is just looking for something causal. i dont know what he means by that, is it causal sex or ...
A. 17 May 2011: ask him what he means but I'm betting FWB is his idea. casual sex.... ... (read in full...)
Untrustworthy behaviour?
Q. Background: I have been quite close to an older guy for a number of months. We ended up getting quite close and he tends to flirt with me, especially when we're alone - though nothing has actually happened yet (he's married). He's been very ...
A. 17 May 2011: TRUST HIM? does he tell his wife, the supposed love of his life that he flirts with a young chickie like you at work? Honey do not trust him do not date him do not think he's leaving his wife for you... do not buy the dress........ (read in full...)
Can you really ever stop loving someone?
Q. Can you really get over someone and love another person? I ask because I am in my first relationship with a man, and I love him SO much I cannot imagine loving anyone like him ever again. However, he i much older and has had a long term relationship ...
A. 17 May 2011: well I have i no longer love the father of my children/first husband i no longer love my second husband i am no longer IN LOVE with my third husband but I care deeply about him and want him to be happy and healthy.... I think that fo... (read in full...)
I'm 5 years younger than he is and I'm worried that once I tell him, he wont want anything to do with me!
Q. I met this guy online about 6/7 months ago and we started out as friends. He had a girlfriend but there was something obvious between us that we couldn't ignore, despite him being in a relationship, in January he decided the relationship wasn't ...
A. 17 May 2011: you must tell him the truth esp if you are under 18... (read in full...)
Does playing 'hard to get' and being slightly unavailable keep a guy?
Q. Hello everyone. I have a question - does playing hard to get work and how do you do it? I am always the very willing one, always available, always wanting to spend time with my guy, quite needy and I always end up losing the guy I'm with! I think I ...
A. 17 May 2011: I'd like to say (in my defense) that I don't agree with "the rules" and I don't do it... never have never will. In fact I do 100% the opposite of the rules with folks that I care about and it works just fine.... OP asked about how to play har... (read in full...)
The weight and height difference is getting in the way of us being together!
Q. ok so im a freshman in high school so is he. we text a lot it seems like he likes me. the only thing holding me back is my weight. im 5'2" and 115lbs. hes 6'3" and so tall and skinny. what do i do?...
A. 17 May 2011: sweetie.. women are supposed to have little soft bellies... slightly rounded and cushioned... it protects your parts...
MOST men prefer women with a bit of curves to them.
do not fret that you are fat... I bet you are darling and he think... (read in full...)
How do you end an affair when you are "the other guy"?
Q. I posted a question similar to this one a while back, but I can't seem to motivate myself to end this, even though my mind is saying enough is enough! I've been involved with a married woman for a couple of years now, and I don't feel like I live in ...
A. 17 May 2011: yeah well OP when my lover and I started enjoying it and doing it WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much... I ended my marriage for my partner.
IF you really want to end the affair. END IT
NO CONTACT
block her email
block her phone number
... (read in full...)
Too young for me? Is it wrong to be in a relationship with him?
Q. I am 23 and am quite shy and not very good with guys, and I look young for my age and quite often getting mistaken for an 18-19 year old, but my questions is I have recently started to get to know this guy who is so lovely and so good looking but ...
A. 17 May 2011: i see nothing wrong with it as long as he is of legal age. If you like him, he likes you, and you guys have fun together go for it. FWIW I am 51 and my bf is just going to be 38 we are a bit more than 13 years apart and I'm the older one...... (read in full...)
Does playing 'hard to get' and being slightly unavailable keep a guy?
Q. Hello everyone. I have a question - does playing hard to get work and how do you do it? I am always the very willing one, always available, always wanting to spend time with my guy, quite needy and I always end up losing the guy I'm with! I think I ...
A. 17 May 2011: There is a book called "The Rules" that will easily explain to you about playing hard to get... here is the website to buy the books http://www.therulesbook.com/bookstore.html... (read in full...)
The weight and height difference is getting in the way of us being together!
Q. ok so im a freshman in high school so is he. we text a lot it seems like he likes me. the only thing holding me back is my weight. im 5'2" and 115lbs. hes 6'3" and so tall and skinny. what do i do?...
A. 17 May 2011: what's the problem here?
I'm just over 5'2" my ex hubby is 6'4"
my mom was 5'2" to my dad's 6'2"
and your weight seems fine to me....... (read in full...)
How did you meet your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Q. This if for teenagers mainly! But anyone who isn't a teenager else be sure to answer too :) ....How did you meet your boyfriend/girlfriend?...
A. 17 May 2011: so NOT a teenager but lately feeling much like one in love...
met my boyfriend at a board gaming convention!... (read in full...)
Living with my boyfriend and have a young child together, but thinking of meeting up with my online guy. Should I meet him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend on and off for 5 years, we live together and have a 10 month old son. For about 7 years ive known a guy online, hes sweet and we phone each other constantly, before I met my boyfriend we were planning to meet up as we ...
A. 17 May 2011: NO
not if your relationship with your boyfriend is OK and you are just bored.
why not?
because it will muddy the waters and cause problems.
I ended a marriage that was ok.. it was actually MORE than OK because I let a 3rd party into m... (read in full...)
I think I might have made a mistake by breaking up with her......
Q. Hi all. A week ago today I broke up with my girlfriend and for the first 2 days I was happy but as the days went on I've been feeling less and less happy. I started thinking it was a mistake to end it and now I miss her. I thought it needed to...
A. 17 May 2011: let me get this straight
you miss a woman who was/is physically and emotionally abusive to you...
she left you
she became a prostitute
and you miss her why???
my advice... get out with your friends... meet people
get on with ... (read in full...)
How do I forgive my husband and fall in love with him again?
Q. I've been married for 10 years. I chose my husband because he led me to believe that he was honest and spiritual. I thought he was perfect. As the years progressed, I found out that he was into porn, he would skirt around the truth a lot, and ...
A. 17 May 2011: not talking to you for 2 days 2 weeks or 2 months is emotional abuse.
his ridiculing you is emotional abuse
if you keep your children in this marriage they will learn that emotional abuse is the way of a marriage
your daughters will a... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cant even be bothered to talk things through and always wants to leave at the first sign of trouble!
Q. whenever my girlfriend and myself have a disagreement her first answer is always well maybe we should just end it? or well shall i move out then? I almost feel like she wants me to say yes. I have been there for her through everything. Look...
A. 17 May 2011: when I ask my bf if he wants to end our relationship it's not about my wanting to be without him but more about my wondering if he wants to be with me...
so when she asks if you want her to leave... you turn the tables on her and ask her... w... (read in full...)
When a girl stops giving oral does it mean they are no longer into you?
Q. Hi Just looking for some advice really Ive been with my partner for nearly three years now, things are great except for one aspect. We still have sex regularly, but the oral sex (from her) has gone from frequently to hardly ever- even as...
A. 17 May 2011: "jawlock" hurts... trust me... so if you were getting long bjs and her jaw was locking it's like biofeedback... she wants to avoid this pain...
sounds like she likes/loves you and sex but that the pain of giving you bjs is imprinted on... (read in full...)
We're met on a website and will only get to spend time together this summer!
Q. Well I have a boyfriend his name is "Dustin" and we say we love each other. Anyways he lives in FL n i live in Maryland. We met each other on a website. We skype and text all the time! This summer we are planning for us to hang when i go to FL to ...
A. 17 May 2011: how old is Dustin?
how old are you?
(there is a huge difference between 13 and 15)
what should you do?
at your age Florida to MD is a huge distance.
I would recommend that if Dustin is close to your age that you continue to be friends... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing?
Q. Hey guys I just want to know that Ive done the right thing. I was in a sort of LDR with a guy who worked in the military. Before he went away we were kind of seeing each other but it wasnt serious. We kept in touch via facebook and texts but I know ...
A. 17 May 2011: you did the right thing... (read in full...)
How do you end an affair when you are "the other guy"?
Q. I posted a question similar to this one a while back, but I can't seem to motivate myself to end this, even though my mind is saying enough is enough! I've been involved with a married woman for a couple of years now, and I don't feel like I live in ...
A. 17 May 2011: if her marriage was loveless and she was unhappy she would be with you as her primary... TRUST ME on this.
I ended a marriage due to an affair. I could have saved my marriage...easily. I choose my affair partner. Not because my spouse was a ba... (read in full...)
Is it selfish that I don't want my boyfriend's 2 kids to live with us?
Q. My boyfriend has two kids from a previous marriage. One is 7, and the other one is 5. They are two very hyper boys. We have a 9 week old together. I never knew his boys were living with their mothers grandmother. So, not too long ago, she told my...
A. 17 May 2011: I'm sorry but you married a man who is a parent. He has a responsibility to his sons. If their mom can't take care of them it's his right and responsibility to do so.
Legally if he was married to the mom when the child was born he is still th... (read in full...)
In a relationship with a married man....where is this going?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm a confused, single woman, no kids, and living independently. But i am in a relationship with a married man for more than a year now. it's not like what most people think of when they hear of this type of relationship. we are not ...
A. 17 May 2011: it's going nowhere darling.
IF he was going to leave his wife he would have.
as a woman who left her husband for someone I can assure you that it would have happened already. I was 4 months in with my man when my husband moved out...
... (read in full...)
Does it sound like my ex is accusing me? And what should I say when I respond to his text?
Q. Right, so I went through a break up with someone called, lets call him D, I was heartbroken because I really did like him a lot, I was actually properly upset for a few weeks, like to the point where I stopped my studies and just stayed home in ...
A. 17 May 2011: my take on it:
he's just commenting on the loss of his camera
my reply:
sorry to hear about your camera, the tracking number for the post is: xxxxxxxxx
END of CONVERSATION... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 2 years didnt acknowledge my birthday....am I wrong to be upset?
Q. hi there agony aunts, may i just say, i so thank you for all your help when i post a problem on here, and here i am again, i am not sure how to start this one but here i go, i am in a relationship and its LDR well a couple of hours away, we are ...
A. 17 May 2011: I guess it's my age but as I've gotten older I don't really care much about my birthday...
my LDR boyfriend keeps thinking my bday is the day after it really is...
maybe he did forget... maybe he's just like that... I love my friends to death... (read in full...)
Is my wife of 21 years cheating?
Q. Well here goes. I suspect I already know the answer to this question but here goes anyways. I suspect my wife of 21 years is cheating on me. Over the last 2 years my wife has really changed. She is from the Philippines and the last time she went ...
A. 17 May 2011: either you trust her or you don't. even IF she is not cheating (which it sounds like she is) you don't trust her. if you don't trust her there is no way to have a sane rational relationship. as a woman formerly married to a man who lie... (read in full...)
I have asked her to be my girlfriend but she has not given me an answer! What can I do now?
Q. I love my Friend, we are like just friends for about 1.5 years, now I feel that I am in love. I want her as my Girlfriend and i've told her but she is not giving me positive answer. one thing which could be important that she does not want to break ...
A. 16 May 2011: perhaps she is concerned that you will be controlling?
if you told her how you felt and asked her to have a romantic relationship with her and she has not answered, then perhaps she is not interested in you that way and does not want to hurt... (read in full...)
A quick (honest) survey: How often do you and your partner have sex?
Q. This is something I am interested in as this often comes up on Dear Cupid, how often are couples actually having sex? I know personally I feel that my boyfriend and I are not having enough sex, I am 24 and he is nearly 28 yet we have sex once or...
A. 16 May 2011: I have more sex drive now in my early 50s than I did in my 20s or 30s.
I'm 51 my BF is in his late 30s (nearly 38) and we see each other on weekends pretty much only (LDR)... there have been weekends we've had sex 7 or 8 times in a 3 night we... (read in full...)
Is my wife of 21 years cheating?
Q. Well here goes. I suspect I already know the answer to this question but here goes anyways. I suspect my wife of 21 years is cheating on me. Over the last 2 years my wife has really changed. She is from the Philippines and the last time she went ...
A. 16 May 2011: end the marriage.
you have no trust of your wife
you are treating her like a possession...... (read in full...)
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