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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Just hitting my sexual peak now, I think. Should I go with younger women because of this?
Q. My body has always been late in everything to deal with the subject of sex. I lost my virginity when I was 17. The first time I ever masturbated was when I was 19. I didn't even hit puberty until I was 16. Whereas men typically hit their peak sexual ...
A. 18 April 2011: oy vey!
I'm 51. I'm hot. I'm as sexually fired up at this point in my life as I've ever been... just ask my 37 yr old boyfriend who can barely keep up with me.
At 25 I was married with children and had not had many partners. I think that boo... (read in full...)
Wife is away, does husband want to play?
Q. Can anyone please tell me why a married man has made it a point to tell me that his wife is out of town on business for a few days? Is this an innocent statement or is there a reason he is saying this to me?...
A. 18 April 2011: my first thought is you WANT it to mean something.
my friend telling me his wife is away for a few days means "oh do you want to come for dinner"
a man I want to have a thing with telling me he's home alone for a few days means "oh baby let th... (read in full...)
I hate the way I look and hate every pretty girl I see
Q. I'm an ugly 22 year old female; sure, I'm smart, kind, talented, all those good "inside" things, but I'm ugly outside and there's no questioning, I've got comments my whole life and I can see it in the mirror anyway... and not much can be done, and ...
A. 18 April 2011: oh sweetie... there are pretty girls, there are handsome girls... not all of us can be petite and pretty..
and then you get old like me. I'mm old now... and not nearly as cute as I was when I was younger...
but ya know what... my boyfr... (read in full...)
I want to stop masturbating because I don't feel good afterwards
Q. ok i haven't had a girlfriend before or had sex and i just keep masterbating. the other day i masterbated twice before 7am which is just crazy. what should I do to stop masterbating. i want to stop because i don't feel good after i have finished ...
A. 18 April 2011: what do you mean you don't feel good afterwards?
physically or emotionally.
... (read in full...)
I want him to spend more time with me and have more sex, but he says I am just spoiled! What should I do?
Q. my african boyfriend say im spoiled and want everything my way cause i asked him to spend more time with me and have sex. we dont live together, he visits every two weeks and have sex 1 time a month, what should i do im pissed?...
A. 18 April 2011: sounds like he does not want what you want... so maybe you need to talk about what you want for the relationship.... is it a more permanent thing.... is it fun and games for him? how long have you been together?... (read in full...)
Is it a waste of time to make things work with my older guy?
Q. So I'm in love with this guy 8 years older than me, we were gonna have sex last saturday but my mom wouldn't let me go out.. the thing is that im 16 and he's 24. I haven't told anyone but a few friends my status with this guy, I've given him head, ...
A. 18 April 2011: hon do you realize he can go to jail for being sexual with you? you need to wait till you are 18 to be with him. I'm sorry it sucks but it's for the best.... (read in full...)
If you were in my place, out of the choice of 3 truly amazing guys, which would you go for?
Q. Hey Aunties and Uncles :) I was just wondering, out of the choice of 3 truly amazing guys, which would you go for? Guy 1: met him at a party last week, he is the same age as me (17), we had a lot of fun together just kissing but he is a virgin. ...
A. 18 April 2011: why do you have to pick one? be friends with all of them sleep with none.... (read in full...)
Can a counsellor really help save our marriage? Will she still maintain she wants an open marriage?
Q. Hi, I am in the depths of despair and hopelessness right now and I could really use some feedback from others who have been here. I have found out my wife of 16 years is cheating on me. To give some background, I was her first lover (and first...
A. 18 April 2011: My marriage just ended over such a thing. Not to be the bearer of bad news but I took a lover... I was open about it with my husband. He could not cope. (of course he coped just fine when we were in an open marriage and he had his lady friends and ... (read in full...)
Why did she get so affronted by my suggestive email?
Q. Hello, I have a strange situation to ask about. Today, a few hours after my wife and I had had some very satisfactory intimate relations, I sent a suggestive e-mail talking about that in a rather oblique way. I used an e-mail subject line of "con...
A. 18 April 2011: I think you need to ask her....... (read in full...)
Why does he continue to pay for ex's child meanwhile we can't have a family?
Q. My husband was previously married and has been divorced for 4 years. He was married to a woman who had 2 children of her own and they had 1 child together. The children’s father also lives nearby and they see him or go to stay with him, although...
A. 18 April 2011: well he has to financially support his child. What SHE does with the money as long as his child is cared for is not any of your concern to be honest. At least where I live, if you are paying medical coverage for one child it costs NO MORE to... (read in full...)
How do I avoid men who are only after one nighters and find someone who wants a serious relationship?
Q. My problem is this, I have been trying for over a year to find a bf im over being single but i only seem able to find men that only want one night stands. Sometimes i think i've found a potential one but they end up not interested in somethi...
A. 18 April 2011: i was just wondering if maybe you are "trying too hard"... I've always found that my partner has "fallen in my lap" when I wasn't really looking for it.... (read in full...)
No communication or sex, should I break up with him?
Q. So I have been dating this guy for four months now. We are lucky to see each other twice a week. Most of the time it is only once a week, and half the time when we do see each other its only for a few hours. When we are together we are both hap...
A. 17 April 2011: i am in an LDR.. when we started he was not one for daily contact and all contact was initiated by me.. he never texts... we emailed mostly.... as we got more serious he started more contact... in all honesty if he's not rowing the relation... (read in full...)
At what age is a woman no longer attractive?
Q. When does a woman lose her "hotness"? What age is considered no longer attractive? I would love to hear all opinions from women, men, all ages. Thanks!...
A. 15 April 2011: a woman stops being attractive when she thinks she is no longer attractive.... (read in full...)
Do girls like crossdressers?
Q. This question is for the girls. How do you feel about a guy who likes to crossdress. Would you date a crossdresser? Would you be involved helping him achieve a feminine lifestyle and look?...
A. 15 April 2011: I would. Sure not a problem for me.
every cross dresser I've ever known has been exceptionally masculine when not dressing... and all the cross dressers I have known are hetrosexual.
now most DRAG QUEENS are gay that i know of.... but that'... (read in full...)
I put up a fake profile to monitor my son, but now I've fallen in love and don't know how to get out of it.
Q. I set up a social networkng acct only to keep an eye on my son. Since I was only there for that purpose I put in all wrong info and a pic that was not me. Age 20 years younger. Different state etc. The problem is that I accepted a friend request ...
A. 15 April 2011: why do you think he will trace your IP?... (read in full...)
My Husband Cheated on me, what should I do?
Q. So I am 22 years old and i have been married for 2 years with my husband for 4. We have a beautiful 8 month old daughter. Everything was great until Sunday morning. We live in a five bedroom house so we rent some of the rooms out to friends. We had ...
A. 15 April 2011: FWIW, my mom forgave my dad an affair after they had been married for 25 years and had grown children.
he had never cheated before and never cheated after.
my mother sadly died in his arms 11 years later...
People make mistakes. IF ... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend but she's too fat. How do I break up?
Q. me and my gf got together about 3 years ago. we both weighed 17 stone. we had a good relationship but in the last 12 months we said we would go on a diet. Now i weight 13 stone. she however weighs 18 and 1/2 stone. i am attracting the attention of ...
A. 15 April 2011: losing weight is easy. keeping it off is hard I used to weigh 300 pounds now I weigh HALF of that. In order to keep it off I had to have surgery to reduce the amount of food I can eat. 95% of folks that lose weight gain it back and then s... (read in full...)
I want to test my relationship by holding out on sex. Am I taking it too far?
Q. I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me...However I cant trust him and normally I am able to walk away at the slightest feeling of dishonesty but this one I cant seem to shake off because Im in too deep and its mad chemistry. May I add the long ...
A. 15 April 2011: you're playing games with him. That's not fair. I'm in an LDR and you gotta trust. if you don't trust you have no relationship. NOT telling him you are going celibate on him till he gets to you will set up a horrible visit. Tell him the ... (read in full...)
What is your opinion of someone who has quite a few piercings on their body?
Q. I currently have my first and seconds (lobe piercings), and my helix done (upper ear cartilage piercing) and in my left ear first piercing (lobe), i have a 3mm fleshy (stretcher) And i want: -My thirds -My tongue -My nose -My belly ...
A. 15 April 2011: i have 3 holes that I use in my lobes and one in my upper right ear. I have no problem with other piercings that are hidden. I do not like facial piercings but then I'm an old lady.... (read in full...)
I'm in love with this man who I met online, as I've fallen for his personality, but I'm completely repulsed by him physically!!
Q. okay so this is a bit of a weird one. i met this guy on the internet and we quickly became close. for almost 2 years we chatted online every night until the early hours of the morning, and on the phone, texting ect. We've met up a couple of times...
A. 15 April 2011: do you tink if his hygiene was better you could deal with the other issues? just asking... I have to tell you that my current BF was all about the BRAIN connection for us for quite a while... and then one day the physical chemistry kicked in... (read in full...)
How do I avoid men who are only after one nighters and find someone who wants a serious relationship?
Q. My problem is this, I have been trying for over a year to find a bf im over being single but i only seem able to find men that only want one night stands. Sometimes i think i've found a potential one but they end up not interested in somethi...
A. 15 April 2011: I would not sleep with someone you think you want a relationship with for several months. DO NOT tease him either... no hot and heavy necking and then saying "no" and kicking him out... let him get to know you... if he stops coming around he... (read in full...)
I spend all my time making him happy, so much so I have lost sight of who I am....
Q. hi, im 20 and i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. for quite a long time I have been asking myself if I am happy, and i think I am but I'm not sure. I spend most of my time trying to make him happy instead of myself. I have done this the whol...
A. 15 April 2011: if you have to ask yourself if you are happy and you are not sure then i think you are not... I do many things to make my bf happy. I dress a certain way that he prefers but does not comprimise what I like to wear. I've changed my hair but it w... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should have sex with him, I don't want him to disappear!
Q. Hello! I'm 20 years old, right now i'm dating a guy that i've been crazy about him for a year. We've been seeing each other for like one month, and thing's are getting a little bit crazy. He is 28 year's old, I had sex with one person, one time, and ...
A. 15 April 2011: big deal that he's 28 and your 20. if you care about him and he cares about you then just relax and enjoy. DO NOT however have sex with him to get him to stay with you... that never works. IF you want to have sex and he wants to and you are ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to want to see him every day?
Q. Is it normal that i want to see my boyfriend everyday? and that I get quite upset when he cancels and so we cant *he doesnt do it very often at all* I never used to see my ex this often and I delt with it fine :| I would go 2 weeks without seeing h...
A. 15 April 2011: perfectly Normal. I'm 51 and I want to see my boyfriend every day but we live in different states... I only see him on the weekends now. You are so lucky that you can do it if you want to. Enjoy it. ... (read in full...)
We're doing all the work. Should we break up with our boyfriends?
Q. Hello so i have this new boyfriend i really want to make the new relationship work but i feel like im making all the effort. My best friend is with one of his friends so for the school holidays we have been spending time with them the first da...
A. 15 April 2011: well they don't sound like much of a pair of boyfriends to me. so i'd stop chasing them and paying attention to them.... (read in full...)
Is it okay to be smooth with women when your committed to your lover?
Q. What level off flirting is acceptable? Is it acceptable to flirt when you are in a fully committed relationship? I ask this question because i have no intention of cheating or getting with anyone other than the one i love. However saying that ...
A. 15 April 2011: "Is it okay to say something like "The only place you should be is in my bed" to another other than your lover?" ummmm NO! that being said... light flirting (the above is NOT light) is fine IMO. I breathe and flirt. my man knows this an... (read in full...)
Sister is having a party when my parents go away. She asked me if I wanted to drink too. Please advise.
Q. Hey guys this isn't about relationships but this is now the only place I can get advice. My parents are going away for the weekend and my older sister is having people over. They are all gunna bring alcohol and some will bring fags. My sister asked ...
A. 15 April 2011: do not do it. is there a friend you can spend the night with?... (read in full...)
Would a man, given the opportunity, cheat if he thought he could get away with it?
Q. Question for married men. Why do men cheat and want to talk online to other women when they say they are happily married? Would they really cheat or even flirt if they were that happy? Would a man given the opportunity actually cheat if he could ...
A. 14 April 2011: some would
some would not
it's not a gender thing it's a personality thing.
I think that my first husband would not
the second and third would
the current boyfriend would not.
that's 50%... go figure... (read in full...)
Reason guys visit toilet so often?
Q. Hi all. I have a question. Is there any particular reason why guys would go to the toilet a lot whilst on a date, apart from the obvious reason of course....
A. 14 April 2011: Well other than going to the bathroom?
Cleaing their teeth?
snorting coke
jerking off
smoking a joint
is that what you wanted to know?... (read in full...)
Found Dad's history of porn on computer. Should I confront him or tell my mum?
Q. my mum and dad have been married for about 18 years and recently things have been a bit awkward. they have been arguing quite a bit and my mum even told me a few weeks ago that she was getting fed up of my dad because i was upset and said that i was ...
A. 14 April 2011: Sorry but it's not your concern. Men look at porn. Parents fight. Sadly kids get caught in the middle.... (read in full...)
I put up a fake profile to monitor my son, but now I've fallen in love and don't know how to get out of it.
Q. I set up a social networkng acct only to keep an eye on my son. Since I was only there for that purpose I put in all wrong info and a pic that was not me. Age 20 years younger. Different state etc. The problem is that I accepted a friend request ...
A. 14 April 2011: I agree with Honeypie. in addition, if you are single and available what's to say it won't work out. but you must come clean.... (read in full...)
Is there a problem with this age difference?
Q. Honestly is the a problem dating a 28yrs woman if you are 21yrs old man. We both love each other a lot. ...
A. 13 April 2011: I don't think so but then I'm a 51 year old woman dating a 37 year old man... (read in full...)
I told fiance I was going to miss being with her while away and she started to cry. What did I do wrong?
Q. I am a 28 year old guy. My fiance is 24. We are separated for a few days as I had to go on a work related trip (in my hotel room now) and she could not come with me because of her own responsibilities. When we were in bed the other night, I told ...
A. 12 April 2011: did you ask her why she was crying?
sometimes I cry when I'm happy
sometimes when my BF who is not an openly demonstrative person, says or does something that tells me how much he loves me and touches me deeply I tear up...
... (read in full...)
Son is dating an older woman with children. How can I make him come to his senses?
Q. Hi all, I've been pretty confused about something lately and just can't seem to get my mind off of it. I'm really having a hard time figuring out why my son who is 22 y/o is dating this older woman who's 33 and has 2 kids (twins). I feel like he's ...
A. 12 April 2011: WOW.... just WOW what if she was his age with two little ones would you still feel this way. it IRKS me no end that her AGE is pivitol to your complaint. BTW maybe she is responsible enough to not WANT to get pregnant. At 29 ... (read in full...)
Son is dating an older woman with children. How can I make him come to his senses?
Q. Hi all, I've been pretty confused about something lately and just can't seem to get my mind off of it. I'm really having a hard time figuring out why my son who is 22 y/o is dating this older woman who's 33 and has 2 kids (twins). I feel like he's ...
A. 12 April 2011: I'm confused. your ADULT child is in love with an adult single woman and you are not happy because she is 11 years older than he is?
... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me not to be happy that my married lover had a baby with his wife?
Q. My lover just had another baby with his wife. I am very sad and disappointed about this. Is this normal? I love the guy so much and he loves me too. We have been together for two years and has been married for three years. I have always respected ...
A. 12 April 2011: how can you expect to be happy for them?
his having another baby with his WIFE is like the death knell on your relationship esp if you ever expect him to leave her for you.
can I ask you why you are willing to settle for a lying cheat of a... (read in full...)
Do long distance relationships ever work?
Q. i really like this guy but we are both afraid of becoming too close due to our distance. do long distance relationships ever really work? in this case both people would be as devoted as possible....
A. 11 April 2011: they can work. BUT there are some pretty concrete rules. The biggest one to me is that there is an END to the LDR.
I can do anything for a finite time. My LDR BF and I see each other EVERY weekend for anywhere from 1-3 nights... we start... (read in full...)
Do women give oral sex out of the blue, or is there an ulterior motive behind it?
Q. A few friends of mine were talking one night over beers and one said his girlfriend gave him a blow job 'out of the blue' when he got home from work one night - for apparently no reason. We all called BS, but he was adamant that he didn't do a thing ...
A. 8 April 2011: Hate to break it to you but I give BJs cause I want to. truth is the head rush of how it makes my guy feel is awesome... it's a power play....... (read in full...)
I gave him a BJ and he told all his friends I'm frigid.
Q. i gave my bf a bj the other day 4 the first time. i dont like the idea but he asked and i did it. it obviously worked but afterward he said it was s*** and he told all of his friends im frigid what should i do?????...
A. 8 April 2011: my first thought.. is not very nice... what should you do DUMP HIM! the fact that he told his friends something like that so private is rude. the fact that he asked you for something you did not want to do (and I hope you told him you ... (read in full...)
I have a very high libido, and she used to, but now it's almost nonexistent. Please advise.
Q. I am 28, my wife is 24. We have been married for a year and have no kids (yet). We dated for five years before getting married (for school reasons). About a year into dating, we started having sex. Lots. Like three times a day. Most of the time, she ...
A. 7 April 2011: has she spoken to her GYN about this?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is acting ungratefully. How should I handle this?
Q. My boyfriend asked me to buy him a expensive pair of shoes that I can not afford right now. I was straight up with him and told him that I couldn't afford them right now and his reply was that he never ask me for anything and if it was something ...
A. 7 April 2011: why did he ask YOU to buy him SHOES? ... (read in full...)
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