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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My bf refuses to change his fb status, what can I do
Q. My boyfriend of 5 months won't change his FB status and I am angry!! Right now it doesn't say he is single, he has it blank on that line. I sent him a request to change his status on FB from nothing to "in a relationship" and link it to my page. H...
A. 27 April 2011: does he do things otherwise to show you are a couple?
introduce you to his friends?
treat you well otherwise?
Facebook is truly a silly thing to break up over if everything else is going well.
I understand your feelings I do. ... (read in full...)
If we're both fifteen...what happens if we want to have a baby?
Q. What iF You're 15 And You And Your Boyfriend Want To Have A Baby?!?...
A. 26 April 2011: I think it's a dreadful idea.
Babies are not toys
Babies grow up to be toddlers
how will you support this child?
rent
food
diapers
formula (if not breastfeeding and let's talk about breastfeeding.... ties you to the baby, best... (read in full...)
I'm nervous. Should I propose to my long distance girlfriend? Is it even the right time to?
Q. I'm 31 and my girlfriend is 18. We've been together for five months, talk every day. I want to propose but don't know if it's too soon. I want her to come live with me in Canada, we've had long distance and I feel that makes us even closer. I'd like ...
A. 26 April 2011: I would wait. she's very young.
yes LDR is hard
how often do you guys get together?... (read in full...)
Should I not pursue love anymore?
Q. Ok here goes: I'm not sure how to start this. I really have felt like all my efforts at having a relationship up to this point in my life have amounted to nothing. I have only had one girlfriend ever and she ended up sleeping with another gu...
A. 26 April 2011: yep give up on it.
seriously...
STOP TRYING and it will FIND YOU!
always happened for me... when i stopped trying so hard to find someone they fell in my lap.... (read in full...)
My best friend's boyfriend is taking over her life! I'm scared he'll succeed in pressuring her into what she's not comfortable with!
Q. i am new with this whole advice thing. but I feel like my best friend is replacing me with her new boyfriend. i have talked to her countless times. she is in pure denial, and her attitude is changing for the worst. she stays up all night talking to ...
A. 26 April 2011: Sadly dear she is replacing you. and when they break up she will need you and want you...
of course in the throes of a new relationship you run on adrenalin... she's up talking to him... very little sleep is required.. .they have so much to say t... (read in full...)
Questions on masturbating.....
Q. i've recently tried masturating but find rubbing more pleasurable than fingering. have you any advice on how to finger to help me orgasm and also how do you know if your orgasaming ...
A. 26 April 2011: if you like rubbing... keep on rubbing fingering is not needed.... (read in full...)
He wont reverse his vasectomy, and now I am thinking of divorcing him for not keeping up his end of our agreement.....
Q. My husband and I had a happy marriage over the past year, but now it’s all gone downhill fast. We had decided before the wedding to start our family in our second year of marriage (which is this year). However he had a vasectomy after his first ...
A. 26 April 2011: I don't think he ever meant it. I don't think he ever had plans of having it done.
You have a couple of options:
1. divorce (if you love him not a great choice)
2. a sperm donor
3. be childfree forever
4. adoption
The big issue will... (read in full...)
Help! I fantasise about my boyfriend with other women when we have sex!
Q. This is going to sound very strange!!! I have always been quite a jealous person and I still very much am. On a normal day, the thought of my boyfriend even looking at another woman makes me angry and upset. However, when I am with my boyfrien...
A. 26 April 2011: personally since I've done this I will vote for normal....... (read in full...)
How should my friend go about having a relationship with a younger man?
Q. dear cupid, my girlfriend does not have a computer and she needs some good advice. she is single 42, and the younger guys seen to be attracted to her. from 22 to 34. she wanted to no if that is ok.? she is seeing a 27 year old right now. he has a ...
A. 26 April 2011: She is FWB with this boy... if she wants a relationship with him she needs to have him be the pursuer and she needs to cut out the sex right away.
It's really really really hard to go back to a real relationship once FWB has started. S... (read in full...)
I have this sense of guilt like I cheated! Have I done something wrong?
Q. Early in my relationship, my girlfriend and I just were very honest about our past sexual history. Probably for most, too honest. Through all this, I admitted to her having slept with a friend of mine, at a time when we were both single and it ...
A. 26 April 2011: ok so you had MET current GF when this happened but not yet even gone on the first date?
how in the world were you supposed to know that she was "the one" without having even dated her yet?
I vote for LET IT GO...... (read in full...)
Do women like nice guys with confidence?
Q. Through out my life I've never scored with a women. I've had them as friends, but never anything more. In my eyes, it was because I've never tried anything, always playing it safe, but now I've become more confident with myself and I'm still a nice ...
A. 26 April 2011: be yourself I agree with everyone else.
truth is a confident man is sexy... it's not about being a bad boy... know yourself... know what you want... be sure of yourself... that's very attractive.
and 20 is a great age to be finding yourself... (read in full...)
Why did he let me get away with this? (FwB question)
Q. Long story short, I've got a friend with benefits and I made a huge mistake. He took to long to respond to a text, and then told me he was busy. And I got pissy at him and told him to talk to me when he decided I was worth talking to. I pre...
A. 26 April 2011: I'm sorry your mum is gone to you... that has to hurt... no wonder you are turning to an older boy for comfort...
is there a trusted teacher or an aunt or someone you can talk to???
where is dad? I know girls can't talk to dads about stuff ... (read in full...)
Why did he let me get away with this? (FwB question)
Q. Long story short, I've got a friend with benefits and I made a huge mistake. He took to long to respond to a text, and then told me he was busy. And I got pissy at him and told him to talk to me when he decided I was worth talking to. I pre...
A. 26 April 2011: honey would you go to your mom and ask her about your FWB?
NO?
why not?
perhaps because you know it's wrong?... (read in full...)
What do use for lubricant?
Q. Ok so me and my Gf wanna try anal sex,but we dont have lubricant. She does have vaseline, and Bio Oil (vitamin E skincare tissue oil). Could we use any one of these?...
A. 25 April 2011: do not use Vaseline they make special lubes for anal sex.... try those.... (read in full...)
Is it ok to ask a married man out for coffee?
Q. Hi everybody. First time here. Could use your advice. I am friendly with a married man. Our sons go to karate together. We talk a lot when we see each other twice a week. He always finds me to talk and seems to enjoy my company. I enjoy his compan...
A. 25 April 2011: The person to be asking is his wife.... I assume you mean during Karate time.... not a separate date.... yep if you want to ask him to have coffee with you during Karate time I would contact his wife and ask if she minds... oh a... (read in full...)
My bf refuses to change his fb status, what can I do
Q. My boyfriend of 5 months won't change his FB status and I am angry!! Right now it doesn't say he is single, he has it blank on that line. I sent him a request to change his status on FB from nothing to "in a relationship" and link it to my page. H...
A. 24 April 2011: ah so this is a trust issue. he's going to be gone for 4 months and wants you to sit and wait for him but you think he's going to play the field. has he given you reason to not trust him?... (read in full...)
I feel like he choose the weed over me. He's losing me and doesn't seem to care!
Q. I am not a weed smoker, but my hb does. He is one person when he smokes, and different when he doesn't. I didn't know that he likes weed when we were dating, I never saw that before, but when we got married he start to smoke in the house. At the f...
A. 22 April 2011: the fact that he hid his use from you until after marriage tells me that he knows he's doing something wrong...and the fact that he hid it from you makes him a liar. he should have been open and honest about this from the beginning so you could ... (read in full...)
Hot woman wants you but you are married...
Q. This question is for MARRIED MEN!!! But men in general can answer it. PLEASE ANSWER TRUTHFULLY!!!!!!! If a beautiful and hot woman was showing interest in you and was everything you were looking for in a woman and more, ie. you have everythin...
A. 22 April 2011: ugh no good can come of it. people will be hurt by the lies. so in that case... have her go to her husband and ask permission to boink you while you get permission from you wife to boink her right back. there... no lies... problem solved. ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to date this guy even though his bisexuality turns me off?
Q. Hi, i have a boyfriend and he is bi sexual and i really don't like dating bi sexual guys. But I really do like him. Should I continue to date him??...
A. 22 April 2011: if a key aspect of his sexuality bothers you then no you should not date him... it will only get worse as the honeymoon phase of the relationship wans... be friends with him....... (read in full...)
Can dating a woman who is separated be legitimate if her husband doesn't know about it?
Q. Hi, Thanks for any help on this. I have recently become involved with someone who works close to me. It started out simply as emails which graduated to a certain intimate aspect. We have since become physically involved. She is currently sep...
A. 22 April 2011: smells shady to me. very few states that i know of allow legal separation when living in the same home. i think she's handing you a line. be careful if he's controlling and angry and you get found out it could be problems...... (read in full...)
Am I gay? Or is it a fetish?
Q. i am a young lad an iv always believed i am straight ive slept with quite a few girls an never really questioned my sexuality until the last year or so. it started when i was told by a friend about his girlfriend slipping a finger up...
A. 22 April 2011: you could be bisexual or you could be like millions of straight men who liked their bums stimulated.
just because you like your butt played with or like watching gay porn does not make you gay or even bisexual...
... (read in full...)
G/f gives me bj's just to make me happy
Q. Hello, i have half a problem. Basically my girlfriend didn't give bj's much because she didnt like them. I wanted to boost this number so i read tips on how to make your girlfriend feel more good about giving bj's, and not pressuring her and stuff. ...
A. 22 April 2011: how would you feel if she demanded that you give her some activity that you don't really care for?
because while you say you don't demand it... the demand is implied.
... (read in full...)
Married lover says he can't move because of his kids. Do I walk?
Q. l have being seing a married guy for nearly a year who lives 400 miles away and who still sleeps with his wife but they dont have sex we talk every day and text all the time . We have met up four times and slept together on two occasions x he says ...
A. 21 April 2011: don't walk away RUN away.
he's not going to leave his wife
and if he did... would you as his partner wonder where he was when he was not with you?... (read in full...)
Boyfriend was on a dating site and he wanted to meet "me"!
Q. I receently had a tip off that my boyfriend has a profile on a dating site. The profile had pictures on it taken a few months ago and we've been together for nearly a year. I pretended to be someone else and got in contact. He replied and agreeed ...
A. 21 April 2011: LIAR! will you ever trust him again? NO? time to leave.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he has fallen out of love with me
Q. hello my boyfreind of six and a half years told me that he has fallen out of love with me a bit cause of the way i am but we had sex and he said he is back in love with me if i change will we be ok please help important ...
A. 21 April 2011: ok so your personality is one of domination and he's asking you to alter fundamental personality traits. do you WANT to be different? because that's a hard thing to change... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to like another guy while you have a bf?
Q. My bf and I started dating a few days ago.....I've dated him 2 other times this school year, and he knows I like someone else too, but is that wrong?...
A. 21 April 2011: a date is just a date... it's not going steady or getting engaged.
you can DATE (not have sex with) as many people as you like as long as you are honest about it with all of them.... (read in full...)
I get so very jealous even if he is just talking to this girl who is just his friend. How do I contain my jealousy?
Q. so i have this problem. my problem is the one and only jealousy. i cant control it! i trust my boyfriend with my life, but its the other girls i dont trust. we have had a problem once before concerning another girl who was supposed to be my best ...
A. 21 April 2011: jealousy is not an emotion rooted in love.
JEALOUSY is an emotion that is rooted in INSECURITY.
knowing that often helps folks.
... (read in full...)
LDR girlfriend had sex with 2 other guys and I just don't know how I can deal with it
Q. Hello, me and my girl have been going out for 11 months now. We are in a long-distance relationship (6 hours) we care for and respect each other greatly. And we both love each other, and how we manage to bring out the best in each other. We rarely ...
A. 21 April 2011: LDRs are so damn hard. I know I'm in one. There is no way I could have done it at your age.
I'm sorry she slept with TWO GUYS over 2 months...
she told you about it... she could have kept it to herself.
YOU have to decide if you love h... (read in full...)
Should texting really be an issue in our relationship?
Q. So I have a question, but I dont know if I am being silly or if I genuinely do have a point. Ive been going out with my bf now for almost 10 months and I really do love him and he tells me all the time when he sees me and he is ever so sweet an...
A. 21 April 2011: I feel your pain. My boyfriend HATES texting. He does not believe that couples need daily contact (unless living together) and he can go days without talking to me. We do not live in the same city so without email/text/phone we don't have conta... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend suggesting all these sex improvement operations for me?
Q. Been with boyfriend for 10 years, have always been there for him in every way. I take care of myself financially, stay fit, work out four days a week, dress sexy, do what I can to keep things exciting. The other night he brought up me having a ...
A. 21 April 2011: NOT Normal not kind not needed. kick him to the curb. well... maybe. I am looking at reconstructive surgery to remove excess skin after a loss of nearly 150 pounds. BUT it's MY choice and it's for health reasons both physical and men... (read in full...)
What is the mind of a woman like?
Q. if a woman suggests sexual activity to most any man, he's willing, probably eager, and more than likely thrilled. If most any man suggests the same to a woman, she'll say no, probably be offended, and very likely will decide that he's a shallow ...
A. 21 April 2011: what's the old saying: "Women need a REASON to have sex, men just need a place" ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he has fallen out of love with me
Q. hello my boyfreind of six and a half years told me that he has fallen out of love with me a bit cause of the way i am but we had sex and he said he is back in love with me if i change will we be ok please help important ...
A. 21 April 2011: Ok so he says he loves you but only if you change to become what he wants? doesn't sound like love to me... ... (read in full...)
Was I too "innocent" for him?
Q. I went to the club the other night with some friends and got pretty drunk and started dancing with this guy I thought was extremely attractive. I ended up going back to his place. I am a virgin and 21 years old, by the way, and did NOT have sex...
A. 21 April 2011: the fact that you went back to his place and did sexual things with him gave him what he wanted. he's done.
you aren't too innocent
you aren't too pretty
YOU aren't anything.
sadly this is not about YOU it's about him.
he wanted to get... (read in full...)
I'm 43, he is 23......can it work?
Q. I am 43 and started seeing someone who was 23. When i met him he was sharing a house with 2 other guys and was basically "single." To be honest, I didnt really care if or who he was dating, because I never intended to get involved with him. We ...
A. 21 April 2011: you will not get any complaints from me...
he is an adult and his relationship with his babies mom is not working out. you are not the cause of the end of the realtionship, perhaps the catalyst but not the cause.
as for the age gap... my bf... (read in full...)
When it comes to intimacy, I'm turned off by my BF who weighs over 300 pounds!!
Q. My boyfriend is over 300 pounds. I don't love him any less because of his weight (I am also 130 pounds), but when it comes to intimacy I am turned off. I feel terrible to think this way but I can't help it. He is trying to lose weight but I am ...
A. 21 April 2011: losing weight and keeping it off is so hard...
I had gastric bypass 18 months ago to help me lose weight and keep it off... it was life changing in many ways.
you are a good person to love someone despite the wrappings. so many folks judge... (read in full...)
I want this creep to stop lurking around my social circle... What should I do?
Q. Last week my boyfriend was at a party with his friends. At this party for some reason was a 29 year old man. This was a party hosted for teenagers by teenagers. This man had added a few of my friends on Facebook and he seemed to only interact with ...
A. 21 April 2011: you can't stop him from being with your friends if they wish it but you should block him.
AND when he shows up you should leave. yes it sucks that you will miss out on fun and games with your friends but this guy rightfully gives you the cree... (read in full...)
I hate to end a relationship over texting but I dont' know what to do anymore!
Q. This is a really random question, but I've been dating my girlfriend for about two years now, and I'm not a big cell phone person. I believe that when you're in the company of other people, be it friends or especially your significant other, the ...
A. 21 April 2011: that is rude. I love to text and I do it but not when my bf asks me not to. I actually put my phone on vibrate when I'm with him so I don't get all the alerts and messages... yes I miss a few things but they can wait.
If you have discusse... (read in full...)
I am scared to start a life with my BF, because he doesn't have that financial security which I need. Am I being too picky and analytical?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year and a half. He's an amazing person and I love him, he's my best friend. We don't live together and for a while now he's been asking me when we're going to move in together. We've ...
A. 21 April 2011: for me the key is that i can support myself so that my man's money is my extra... my play money.
I own my home and that's my security. I have a good secure job so whatever my man has is icing on our cake...
if a man treats you well, does his b... (read in full...)
I don't think I can do long distance, should I break up with him?
Q. My boyfriend of a year and a half will be going away for the summer, and be living thousands of miles away for a summer job. I told him last summer that if he did that, I wouldn't be able to uphold a long distance relationship, and i got upset ab...
A. 21 April 2011: ok so he's going to be gone for the summer? just the summer? oh if only I could do an LDR for 3 months and have my partner here with me after that...
IF this is just a short term temporary separation you may want to attempt to make it work... ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend of 5 years wants a break to figure out what she wants....I'm confused!
Q. I am confused on the whole situation and am just looking for some advice. Basically, my gf wants to take a break for a little bit, mainly to figure out what she wants, and if the opportunity arises, she might date. We've been together for 5+ ...
A. 21 April 2011: Don't worry about the future. What a brave and hard thing you did. Letting someone you love be free is hard but it's the right thing in my opinion. If she comes back in a few weeks, you may actually want her to take more time... you may wan... (read in full...)
I'm scared that I've lost it all in my marriage!
Q. Hi Everybody I am in a delima, I am married and have two beautiful chidren. I am financially sucessful and give my family all they need and want (may even spoil them too much). My relationship with my wife for 8 years has always been up and dow...
A. 20 April 2011: if she still wears her rings... to me that means there is hope.... (read in full...)
It physically hurts when my boyfriend and I have sex, and I don't like his reactions to this. What should I do?
Q. when my boyfriend and i have sex, he is really big and it hurts. it hurts so much that i often scream quite loud during sex. its painful and worrying but its what he does which is also worrying. when i am screaming he either puts his hand over my ...
A. 20 April 2011: I'd be worried about his reaction.
have you told him it hurts
that you are in PAIN not screaming from pleasure?
how much lube are you guys using.
lube helps. a lot. as does foreplay.
but if a man put his hand over my mouth or a pill... (read in full...)
Girlfriend of 5 years wants a break to figure out what she wants....I'm confused!
Q. I am confused on the whole situation and am just looking for some advice. Basically, my gf wants to take a break for a little bit, mainly to figure out what she wants, and if the opportunity arises, she might date. We've been together for 5+ ...
A. 19 April 2011: my advice is not going to make you happy. you gotta let her go... she'll do it anyway and then feel bad... 5 years at 18 is a long long time... and what you want at 18 is not what you want at 28.... it's a time for growth and change. It... (read in full...)
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