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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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LDR or the guy who's nearer?
Q. So I have been going out with this guy for a month now. He lives on the other side of the country, and he is 2 years younger than me Lets call him D (also i have never meet him in person).Then theres M is a year older than me but same grade and he ...
A. 24 May 2011: I hope it works out well for you and M!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said to his friend he is not attracted to me and I have a fat ass!
Q. Found conversations between my bf and a friend of his. He was telling her how he really likes me and that i am one of the nicest people out. But he hates my ass. He thinks it is fat and is not attracted to it. He is horny as fuck but doesnt even ...
A. 5 April 2011: Sweetie... the bad news: He's just not that in to you... sadly.
I met my current boyfriend and I went after him for an FWB/NSA relationship. he was NOT that into me but like any single guy he was happy to take what he could get.
He told... (read in full...)
Please help me understand this relationship/breakup
Q. We went out for 5 weeks straight. It was steady and consistent. He acted like we were together. He told me he was "falling" for me. He said things like, "I'm glad I found you." Things were so good that I never wondered where we stood or how he felt ...
A. 4 April 2011: 5 WEEKS is not a long period of time to expect someone to know they want FOREVER or even exclusive.... I can't say I blame him for being gun shy after you jumped the gun and made assumptions without asking him about it... what is he looking f... (read in full...)
Ladies what kind of home would you want your man to have?
Q. So in changing myself to frankly become more confident and attractive I am also trying to change my home. I own a 2 bedroom townhouse 2 story condo with a finished basement and a fully enclosed 14 X 16 foot patio. I have worked hard to refurbish it. ...
A. 4 April 2011: Personally, neat and clean and a place that looks like he takes pride in it matters most... ... (read in full...)
Should I believe him? Or believe my gut instinct?
Q. It's about 6 month that I am in relationship with my boyfriend. but I think he's cheating on me.I found some text messages from girls saying romantic things and sometimes he answered them the same.And every time I tell him about it, he says it's ...
A. 4 April 2011: I have a three tier approach... my head my heart my gut... and two out of three wins my head tells me that he appears to be cheating my heart says NO way he loves me my gut says "he's cheating" 2 out of three wins... he's cheating...... (read in full...)
Can you help me decide which girl is right for me?
Q. I have two girlfriends, "J" and "G" but i want to choose one for marriage. J is a liar but her rest of behaviours are fine with me She is of a class, she is beautiful and hard working. If I marry J, i will battle it up with her to let her settle i...
A. 4 April 2011: how can you ever trust a liar? and why does marriage need to be just because you think it's time. IF J lies and it's too much work then leave her IF G is only a month old then perhaps you need more time with her?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said to his friend he is not attracted to me and I have a fat ass!
Q. Found conversations between my bf and a friend of his. He was telling her how he really likes me and that i am one of the nicest people out. But he hates my ass. He thinks it is fat and is not attracted to it. He is horny as fuck but doesnt even ...
A. 4 April 2011: I'm sorry I can't see for one second how this is your fault. So he doesn't like your ass. Big deal. He likes YOU right? 30 years from now will it matter? DO NOT blame YOURSELF for his taste. IF you are that concerned you can ask h... (read in full...)
Does my drunk neighbor owe me an apology?
Q. I sought advice about a relationship issue last week and received wonderful thoughtful advice from the people who responded. Their advice was taken, and it helped immensely. I showed my wife their comments, and I believe an unbiased ,anonymous ...
A. 4 April 2011: Anyone who does something inappropriate SHOULD apologize but I agree, don't hold your breath waiting for it. In addition, if he was THAT drunk he may not even remember it.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can't handle it when I am over-emotional! Is this normal?
Q. Hello all! My question is quite general and refers to the possible differences between the sexes. I really love my bf and he loves me. He’s a great guy with loads going for him and he is very loving and affectionate. We are planning to have kid...
A. 4 April 2011: Women need to VENT MEN need to FIX so when you VENT to your MAN he thinks he needs to fix it and he can't so he feels helpless. when you want to VENT tell him you are venting and you do not need or WANT to have him fix it.... ... (read in full...)
Husband hates me wearing a bra...
Q. I am a 31 year old woman and a newlywed school teacher. My husband teaches at the same school. My situation is that my husband does not like me to wear a bra. At nights and on weekends, he does not want to see me in a bra. During the entire ...
A. 4 April 2011: I don't think what a MAN wants a woman to do with her body is his choice unless SHE wants it too. IF you don't want to wear a bra, then don't. You will sag with or without one when you are meant to sag... pregancy and nursing will help that a... (read in full...)
Do you think he's been cheating?
Q. Hi and thanks My bf and I have been together about 3 years. Started off wonderful as most relationships do. He was so charming, expressive, and he would talk, and listen to me for hours. I fell hard and fast within 6 weeks we were living together....
A. 4 April 2011: it does not matter if he is cheating. He is abusing you. I'm sorry but emotional abuse is, in my opinion, TEN TIMES worse than physical abuse.... you don't even realize you are being abused. you really need to figure out a way to get out of t... (read in full...)
I want her... but NOT her kids!
Q. hi, im 21 years old and i am having an affair. the woman is 32, married with two kids. over the last 6 months we have been having wild sex in hotel rooms and at my place and going out for meals miles out of town. she keeps telling me that she will ...
A. 4 April 2011: Honey you are FUN and GAMES... she's not leaving hubby and she's not leaving the kids. Moms and kids are package deals. I was having an "affair" my husband KNEW about it... I would not have left my husband even as unhappy as I was with... (read in full...)
Tried to get my GF to "change" for me, but I'm still not attracted to her and there's no sexual tension
Q. I've been with my GF for 3 years now, but our relationship is missing sexual tension. I'll try to be as honest as possible. You will judge my behavior as selfish, and I will not object, but know that when I'm changing my GF to my tastes, I'm trying ...
A. 1 April 2011: you need to end this relationship. it's not fair to you or to her.
you will not emotionally cripple her. I hate to break it to you but she will get over you.... (read in full...)
He asked me to pay for dinner on the second date! What should I think about this?
Q. If a man asks a woman to pay for dinner on the 2nd date what should she think ?...
A. 1 April 2011: Depends on how he asks.....
To be honest the way I see it is that the person who does the inviting pays... but it depends on how it's done.
For example my BF almost always pays for our meals out... but once we had a very expensive busy w... (read in full...)
My boyfriend who was arrested for domestic violence against me says he is changing. Can I believe him?
Q. I had my boyfriend arrested for domestic violence after he pushed me while he was drunk. We have a no contact order until his court date at the end of April. We also have a 2 year old son. Although he is not supposed to contact me or our son, he p...
A. 1 April 2011: People can and do change. if he is in AA and working the 12 steps and has a sponser and can stay clean then I say go for it... but he has to stay clean...
I have a very dear friend just celebrated 15 years clean. getting clean is a life changing... (read in full...)
Is it not normal for a girl to masturbate?
Q. Before you say anything, yes i'm quite aware that i'm a girl, but i mean, from what people say (not online or anything, like in 'reality') it seems as thought girls don't. But i do... At least once a week, usually once a day... But fro...
A. 1 April 2011: Perfectly normal. even at your age. or ESPECIALLY at your age.
... (read in full...)
Is sex with a 'player' a good idea?
Q. Hey I'll get right to the problem and i need answers asap! please :( The guy i had a crush on started talking to me about a month ago. He said he thought i was cute and a type of girl he would date. So he asked me to come over to his plac...
A. 1 April 2011: What everyone else already said...
and hon, he's not going to date you. he's going to try to get you to have sex again with him.... that's all you were was a notch on his belt.... do NOT expect him to be a boyfriend.... you will only be hurt... (read in full...)
Husband texting someone 100 times a day!
Q. I just found out my husband has been texting another women all the time sometimes 100 times a day. When I confronted him he said they were just friends and she is just someone funny to talk to. When I asked him to explain why he accuses me of not ...
A. 31 March 2011: it may be an emotional affair.
his defensive behavior is telling and this may be a red flag.
if he has nothing to hide ask him if you can talk to her....... (read in full...)
My husband gave his blessings for my having an affair. Opinions?
Q. Okay, maybe I shouldn't have to think so hard about this, but I'm in a predicament...I'm married to a wonderful and kind and loving and a man who thinks the world of me and an acquaintance friend of ours (we're all the same age)wants to get toge...
A. 31 March 2011: my husband gave his blessing for me to have an affair.
my husband left me 4 weeks ago
he could not cope with my affair
i am now in a committed relationship with the person who was my affair partner...
not so sure it was worth all this up... (read in full...)
LDR or the guy who's nearer?
Q. So I have been going out with this guy for a month now. He lives on the other side of the country, and he is 2 years younger than me Lets call him D (also i have never meet him in person).Then theres M is a year older than me but same grade and he ...
A. 31 March 2011: I am 51. I drive. I can come and go as I please. I am in an LDR where my boyfriend is 2 hours away by car. It's killing me. IF you can make a choice and you have a choice I vote for someone local.... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend can be quite unreliable...do you think he'll call me back?
Q. My LDR boyfriend can be quite unreliable at the best of times - and even when I ask him things he can never give me a straight answer! - Anyway, the other day I text suggesting we don't see each other again if he can't make more sense to me - and he ...
A. 31 March 2011: He's no boyfriend. I am in an LDR now. At first when we were not serious we had days even weeks without contact... now we have wake up calls, daily texts, numerous emails and bedtime phone calls at the bare minimum. An LDR needs nurtu... (read in full...)
Boyfriend just can't seem to get the hint. Any suggestions?
Q. my boyfriend is very quiet and shy, i ask him by text if he wants to kiss me and he either does not answer or reply's 'dunno' i really want to kiss him so bad! he doesn't even get the hint when i lean forward, what should i do?...
A. 30 March 2011: why are you texting him this question?
how long have you been together?
maybe he is shy....
sometimes I find that just telling them "shut up and Kiss me" works really well....... (read in full...)
Women--ever had an orgasm when you needed to relieve yourself?
Q. Women of all ages.. have you ever had... an orgasm while your bladder was desparate for you to relieve itself? (and your man, was right inside you at the time)? it seems to me that you couldnt relax to orgasm, while you are holding back the...
A. 30 March 2011: Sorry there is no way I can have sex and need to pee that badly.... besides for health I pee before and after sex
the truth is however that you are not Totally relaxed with an orgasm, think of yours in private.... your legs tense, your ... (read in full...)
I don't want to overeact and ruin this relationship, but I am having a hard time trusting him!
Q. I am in a long distance relationship. The last time I slept with my boyfriend he gave me a yeast infection and now I am finding my self getting tested for all std's. I am finding so many inscurities rising to the surface as I think he also has given ...
A. 30 March 2011: Yeast is not an STD. virgins get yeast celibate women get yeast. yeast is carried in our bodies all the time. Yeast is not an STD.... ... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity to my friends with benefits guy?
Q. Long story short i have a Friend with Benefits we have met before, but we Haven't yet met up for 'sexual favours' and I know that he just wants me for sex and sh*t, but that's all I looking for anyways but I'm a virgin (he knows this) ...
A. 29 March 2011: NO... NO NO NO!
DO NOT do it.... (read in full...)
What do I say to my daughter who wants birth control?
Q. My 16 year old daughter came up to me last night while I was making dinner and asked for birth control. At first I didn't say anything I was in total shock. Let me give you some back story. She's a good kid. She's no straight A student and she'...
A. 25 March 2011: I took my daughter at 15 and put her on the pill. the parents that preach abstinence are called grandma and grandpa 200 years ago 16 yr old girls were often married and making babies... her body is ready.. her hormones are ready. feel PROU... (read in full...)
Maybe you are the right one and his wife is the wrong one?
Q. Hi everyone. This is my question. Is it possible a married man could be falling for you instead of wanting an affair? Or are all these guys the same, wanting their cake and eating it, too? How do you know he is not truly happy in his marriage ...
A. 24 March 2011: my relationship with my boyfriend started when I was still married and living with my then husband. he knew about it but he was not happy but I did not care. he left me and I did not stop him because I wanted to be with my boyfriend. ... (read in full...)
If he doesn't find me physically attractive, who is he visualizing in his mind so that he can get aroused?
Q. I thin that the title to my question really say it all, the rest of this is background. While my husband has never come out and said it in a complete sentence, he does not find me physically attractive. He says that our sexual relationship, fo...
A. 23 March 2011: my bf is not my physical type. I am not his. i do not think of anyone else when I am with him. his heart and soul are what make me love him and want him.... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend and won't dump her for me
Q. i dont know how to word this so long story short.... the guy i like likes me to, he says he loves me bt he has a nother gf but wont dump her........ What do i do...
A. 23 March 2011: sweetie, you can't MAKE someone do something they don't want to do... (read in full...)
Why do people stay in loveless marriages?
Q. Why do people stay in a love-less marriage? When you know the other person doesn't love you anymore, why do you stay in that relationship? Is it because you think you can win them over? I think once the love is gone, it's gone. They might still ha...
A. 23 March 2011: If you are not happy and you cannot fix it then I think you should leave. 50 is way too young to be unhappy.
I'm 51 and sex is a huge part of my life...
my grandparents were still having sex in their mid 80s.
sorry I disagree with fol... (read in full...)
If he really loved me...why did he travel so far away from me?
Q. A man that I have been seeing for over 3 months has just gone overseas for between 6-9 months. The night that I met him he told me that he was going away in March so I have known the whole time that we have been seeing each other that he was going. ...
A. 23 March 2011: I agree with CaringGuy...
the fact that he's in touch with you says a lot as well.
Let him go do his thing... do not cling or bug him.
If you miss him write long journal entries... but do not share with him... He had these plans.... h... (read in full...)
What does "I care for you" mean to a man?
Q. What does "I care for you" in man language mean??? We've already said I love u. Is this another way of saying I love you? He doesn't say the "L" word a lot he says the word scares him. ...
A. 21 March 2011: my BF cares for me. He loves me too but he can't say the L word to my face. He has put it in email.. he has left it on voice mail... we are working on a code phrase for him to say that means "I love you" Mine for him is "damn you to hel... (read in full...)
Can you sleep with someone and not get attached?
Q. Can you sleep with someone and not get attached? Do you honestly think the 'friend w benefit' thing is possible?...
A. 18 March 2011: Most folks cannot be physically intimate and not become attached. It's a chemical thing.
My BF and I were supposed to be FWB but as he said to me "there are ALWAYS strings" we are one of the RARE cases of FWBs becoming a real couple..... (read in full...)
So many excuses, each plausible, but all at once and then holding out on me till the last minute? Is there a message I'm not getting?
Q. My long distance relationship boyfriend (relationship 1 year living together, so far 6 months living in different cities because of work and visiting once a month)seems to either be trying to avoid me, get rid of me, is seeing someone else or he ...
A. 18 March 2011: Ask him. But be prepared for the answer to be something that hurts. IF it was me, yes I would hear what his actions are saying... that you no longer are the primary driving force for him. I too am currently in an LDR but it's new for us (4... (read in full...)
Does Love Begat Love?
Q. Just a philosophical question for folks... Can you MAKE someone love you by loving them first??? Cliff Notes version of the background story: I am/was married. (we have separated) I met a man and started a relationship with him in J...
A. 17 March 2011: I think I agree that if you feed something that's already there like an ember that gets blown on it can flare and burn brighter and harder... and as long as you feed it it will burn hot...
... (read in full...)
How do I stop getting wet so easily?
Q. I am a married woman and every time my husband touches me, i get wet easily. What do i do?...
A. 15 March 2011: my first thought was "enjoy it"... (read in full...)
How can I make this one in a million woman interested in me?
Q. Hello, I am 20 years old and I am in love with a woman about five years older than me that I work with. However, there are several factors that stand as obstacles and I am not sure if they can be conquered. She is of Jewish faith, and I recently ...
A. 15 March 2011: Is she a religious Jew? If so she probably would not date you.... (read in full...)
I think I've ruined my genitals forever and I'm not even 16 yet!
Q. Okay, this is SO embarrassing but I don't know who else to turn to and the people on this site seem fairly nice. If you're gonna' be a douche, okay, I guess. It is the Internet, but please... I've been FREAKING out about this since it happene...
A. 10 March 2011: nothing broken.... nothing ruined.
I mean think about the size of a baby...
it's a muscle it will stretch...
relax.... (read in full...)
Is thinking of someone else cheating?
Q. dont you think that masturbating thinking of someone else when in already in a relationship with another guy is cheating on one's partner? ...
A. 9 March 2011: If there were thought police most of us would be arrested.
... (read in full...)
He got an erection from just cuddling?
Q. me and my boyfriend were snuggling on the sofa together, and he got an erection.. Whats with that?, We were just watching a film, not even kissing.. I don't understand why it happened.. ...
A. 9 March 2011: yep sounds about right. The biggest sex organ is the brain. he was cuddling you because he likes you and because he likes you he thinks good things and he gets an erection.
IF you think about things with him, I am sure you become aroused.... (read in full...)
Why cant this guy commit to this realtionship? Or is it age difference
Q. Does actions truly speak louder than words. Ive being in a relationship for 4 months he is older than me. I dont see him alot even though we live really close to each other. We go out for meals and to the cinema and stayed in a hotel after a night ...
A. 8 March 2011: sorry but my first thought is that he's Married.
and that you are FWB even if he's not.
... (read in full...)
Doctor cut out part of cervix and now I've lost sensations!
Q. I have a problem ever since my OB cut part of my cervix out i have lost sexual sensation. She was tring to to a biopsy in the uterus i could never deliver vaginally and she insisted on going through the cervix. Now I have lost sensation and she ...
A. 7 March 2011: I have had several cervical biopsies... LEEP Procedures and whatnot. I have not lost any sensation or ability to orgasm.
The clitoris and vaginal canal sensations are NOT related to the cervix. Unless the doctor severed nerves in other areas th... (read in full...)
Is it bad to be scared about 1st time sex?
Q. Ohkkay im 16 and my boyfriend wants meh too have sex. I have to say i wanna too buhh he will be my first and im really scared too? Is that bad?...
A. 24 February 2011: If you are really scared maybe you are not really ready...... (read in full...)
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