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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Husband has bars on credit card statement but says credit card company made a mistake
Q. recently my husband's credit care statement had three different charges for well known bars in the city. not restaurants, but just bars. And not cheap either. each was a week night. We never go out during the week. We both work in different parts of ...
A. 27 May 2011: I'm glad you are going to counseling
I'm in total agreement with you that it's not the ACTIONS that are the problems it's the LIES and that begats lack of TRUST and trust is critical... (read in full...)
Is he emotionally blackmailing me so that I'll stay with him???
Q. I wrote on here a few days ago asking for advice and I got brilliant advice and took it. My thread was 'help me make a decision about this guy'. I talked to my bf last night about things that were bothering me about our relationship. He listened...
A. 24 May 2011: men can father children throughout their life... there is no time running out for them... or more BS from him...... (read in full...)
My Girlfriend told me she needed some space and after a few days she dumped me!
Q. i'm ryan, i really need some help.. im just gonna sketch my situation. My girlfriend and i are been together for a while My girlfriend asked me for some space and time and I am worried because she has not contacted me in almost a wee...
A. 24 May 2011: "I'm doing this for you" yeah right. let her go, move on...... (read in full...)
If you believe its true love, how do you not let them get away?
Q. if you believe its true love? how do you not let him get away? the man im so in love with, with everything i have says that he still means everything he used to say to me like he can't wait to have children etc, that he's lost me once and never will ...
A. 24 May 2011: Men that WANT something or someone TEND to get it.... if a man says "I don't want a relationship right now" what he's leaving off is the "with YOU" part.... (and yes women can do the same thing) him not replying is telling you a lot..... (read in full...)
He stands up when his 10 year old sister enters the room, is this too much?
Q. What would you think of a guy (27) who is handsome, has a good job and basically has everything going right for him who actually physically stands up as a gesture of respect for his 10 years younger sister (17) when she enters the room and makes her ...
A. 23 May 2011: what a delightful young man! it's respect to stand for women in general... my boyfriend, helps me on with my coat, holds my chair out for me, holds the door open for me, ORDERS for me at restaurants... all gentlemanly behaviors that h... (read in full...)
My lover said its none of my business if she's cheating on me!
Q. Have been dating my lover for the past 11mnths and i discovered about 2 weeks ago that she is having afair with another guy. I accused her for this yesterday night and she said it is non of my business if she is cheating on me then she slapped me. ...
A. 23 May 2011: if she is your gf and you do not have anyone else you sleep with then she is wrong
BUT if you are married or sleeping with others then YOU are wrong and she is right.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 2 years refuses to say that he loves me
Q. Hi Everyone My 25yr old boyfriend of 2 years simply refuses to tell me he loves me. I think the last time he said those words was on the first 2 months of our relationship, its been 2 years now and it's really bothering me. I dont want him to say ...
A. 23 May 2011: IF it's a mandatory thing for you then you know what you need and you need to walk away. My ex husband said I love you easily... too easily... sometimes I doubted those words... because what he did showed me he did NOT love me... my curr... (read in full...)
If you believe its true love, how do you not let them get away?
Q. if you believe its true love? how do you not let him get away? the man im so in love with, with everything i have says that he still means everything he used to say to me like he can't wait to have children etc, that he's lost me once and never will ...
A. 23 May 2011: it has to be true love for both in order for it to work... it's not looking good here for that....
... (read in full...)
Should my boyfriend want to go off with his friends on a bank holiday?
Q. Okay, so this weekend is a bank holiday, my guy is off work Saturday and Sunday (he works a lot of weekends) and basically he has been invited to go camping with his two best mates. I’m pi***d off. I don’t have a problem with either of these gu...
A. 23 May 2011: I have to agree that you are being clingy and demanding and over the top.
It's a weekend with his friends. I love my man but gawd help me he better not prevent me from my girls weekends... I do about 4 a year.... ... (read in full...)
Is this a dysfunctional relationship?
Q. Is this a disfunctional relationship? I have recently come to a cross roads in my life and have to make a choice once and for all. I have had a troubled relationship for 7 yrs and have children from this. My partner i think has been abusive ...
A. 23 May 2011: he's not really in the relationship at all is he?
so you are not getting what you need
there are men that will take on a woman with three kids don't even fret about that...
dump him, learn to be alone, then when you are happy with your... (read in full...)
I want to see my b/f more but he won't make the effort
Q. How often should a couple spend time together. Ive being with my bf for nearly 8 month and we see each other 2 nights a week. One day in the week and a saturday. We live in the same area. he could walk to mine in 3or4 mins. I want to see him more ...
A. 23 May 2011: If you want to see him more than he wants to see you, your not being PUSHY but your time-tables are off. He may not be as serious about you as you are about him.
there is no right or wrong for the amount of time couples spend together... (read in full...)
My bf thought I was asleep and started masturbating to porn. How should I deal with this?
Q. Hi new to this! But just wondering. Iv been with my boyfreind for 6months now and we live in our own flat. Everythings great etc and Yesterday we had sex during The day, and I fell asleep in bed cuddled up to my boyfriend about 1am this morning...
A. 23 May 2011: Personally if it was me I would have offered to help him finish but then I have a higher sex drive than my man...... (read in full...)
My Girlfriend told me she needed some space and after a few days she dumped me!
Q. i'm ryan, i really need some help.. im just gonna sketch my situation. My girlfriend and i are been together for a while My girlfriend asked me for some space and time and I am worried because she has not contacted me in almost a wee...
A. 23 May 2011: Yep she wants to break up and she's trying not to hurt your feelings...... (read in full...)
I'm a 40 yr old female in love with a 20 yr old
Q. I'm a 40 yr old female in love with a 20 yr old. I struggle with our age difference and it doesn't bother him at all. He wants to marry me and loves my kids as his own. I've discussed with him that someday he would like to have his own children ...
A. 23 May 2011: my thoughts: go for it.
I'm in an age gap I'm 51 my bf is just about 38... not as big a gap as you but still a gap...
if it was reversed and you were 20 and he was 40 folks would not say anything...
if you love him and he loves you GO FOR... (read in full...)
B/f says leave him alone I screwed up his job!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years LDR, Canada and USA. I was up there just two months ago and we are talking marriage and he asked his parents and mine for a blessing etc..I get back home and lost my job got a bit too overly bored and over ...
A. 22 May 2011: If he told you to leave him alone, listen to him. There are days my BF is insane if I bug him at work... BUT he should have calmed down and apologized by now... if he has not perhaps he is not as serious as you are.... (read in full...)
How often should I contact my LDR?
Q. Hi I'm in a long distance relationship we have been together for about a month now, but as we are both students and she has heavy studys for uni right now we can't meet up till the summer, but I'm just wondering how often should I text her, as I ...
A. 20 May 2011: I'm in a very serious LDR... once we got serious we got more routine to our contact... but in the beginning there was random texts... (he hates texting) but a few emails and almost no phone calls... NOW: I start his day with a morning pho... (read in full...)
Should I fulfil my fantasy?
Q. Hi, I'm a 21 year old male and I have had a girlfriend for 2 and a half years, we are very sexual in the bedroom and we are both really comfortable with each other, we watch both lesbian and gay porn together and she knows I get really turned on ...
A. 20 May 2011: Annalisa has a GREAT idea. they make very realistic dildos... get one that GF can wear as a strap on, if you want wear a blindfold and then you can have all your fantasies with her.... ... (read in full...)
I plan to have sex again, but I have some questions.
Q. I lost my virginity on 1/2/10 since haven't had sex again till this date. I hate sex because is very painful and I shed a lot of blood. My question goes is, it going to be painful this time? Is my hymen still intact? Finally can someone contact ...
A. 20 May 2011: 1. maybe 2. probably not 3. YES so sex might hurt again.. use lube and patience you probably don't have a hymen any more if you've been penetrated and YES you can get HIV from giving a blow job... have him wear a condom... (read in full...)
I want her so crazy it is driving me crazy. Should I go after her?
Q. Ok I am an 18 year old male, and met a hot 16 year old female. She is super sexy, and fiesty, and the chemistry is on between us. I accidently saw a pic of her nude, and it turned me on out of this world. Should I go after her and have wild sex all ...
A. 20 May 2011: wait two years till she's legal... if she's still hot then you can try... but right now she's jailbait in the US for you.... (read in full...)
Should I hire a private detective to find and contact my deceased friend's family?
Q. I have contacted a private investigator to find the family of my deceased friend, but I'm afraid to go through with hiring them. The detective says that, out of respect for the family, they will contact the family and tell them one of their son's ...
A. 20 May 2011: death records are public cause of death is listed on the death report you could just request a death certificate and find out and then not bother the family.... (read in full...)
I get a hug and kiss once a week if I'm lucky...What's up with that??
Q. I have been with this guy for a year and he doesnt hug or kiss me. We have discussed this more than once because it bothers me, of course..and he says he is "trying" to be more affectionate. Am I wrong for thinking he just doesn't love me? He tell...
A. 20 May 2011: some people are just not overly or outwardly affectionate. your BF sounds like that type of person. if that's the way he is it probably won't change. ... (read in full...)
I give him oral 24/7, but NEVER has gotten it in return, am I being selfish?
Q. Hello, I am a 18 year old female and i am mixed. I am native american and black. I been with my boyfriend for a year in a half and i have done everything to please him. I even pay for every single damn thing. I wait for him all the damn time ...
A. 20 May 2011: have you told HIM these issues? if not you need to tell HIM... if he knows and does not care... stop wasting your time and get on with your life withOUT him.... (read in full...)
Is he emotionally blackmailing me so that I'll stay with him???
Q. I wrote on here a few days ago asking for advice and I got brilliant advice and took it. My thread was 'help me make a decision about this guy'. I talked to my bf last night about things that were bothering me about our relationship. He listened...
A. 20 May 2011: yeah it is. my STBX does this... it's emotionally bullying. tell him... "so sorry" and KEEP MOVING!... (read in full...)
Does love trump progression in a relationship?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years, we are now 27 years old. We currently do not live together, I live at home because I just finished university, and since he dropped out of highschool, the job he has does not give him enough money to ...
A. 20 May 2011: Yep I think you need to move on hon, if he at 27 is not self-sufficient, he probably never will be. since he did NOTHING to meet your deadline you need to stand your ground. IF you don't he will know you make empty threats and you have no po... (read in full...)
Am I uncomfortable because I'm just not used to him?
Q. I hve done doggy style with my partner and now after... My tummy and it really hurts when I wee I am on the pill and also he pulls out so the risk of me being pregnant is low isn't ? ... My partner is the Fairly big for me concidering I am just 5 ...
A. 20 May 2011: if it hurts to pee/wee then you probably have a UTI and if your tummy is tender and you feel the urge to pee a lot... go to the doctor and get a culture (you pee in a cup that's all) and get the right meds that's the only way to clear it up... (read in full...)
Husband has bars on credit card statement but says credit card company made a mistake
Q. recently my husband's credit care statement had three different charges for well known bars in the city. not restaurants, but just bars. And not cheap either. each was a week night. We never go out during the week. We both work in different parts of ...
A. 20 May 2011: the credit card company did not make a mistake your husband did. He's lying to you and you know it or you would not have posted... His defensive behavior when confronted says a lot.... (read in full...)
If he just wants to get physical, what does it mean?
Q. Hi, This is a question for the guys. What does it mean when a guy just wants to get physical with a girl? I don't mean violence. Does it mean he's just after sex? Thanks...
A. 20 May 2011: Just SEX.... nothing more....... (read in full...)
I'm too shy to get a bikini wax so what are my alternatives?
Q. Ok so im too shy to go get a bikini wax. And for some reason I cant wax myself. I dislike always needing to shave and the effects of that. So does anyone know another way. Can I use that veet stuff as long as im careful to keep it external?...
A. 19 May 2011: I can assure you that at 51 with two full term pregnancies under my belt, stripped naked with a full Brazilian Wax I do not look like a child. After pregnancy the pigmentation of the genital region darkens permanently in many if not most women. ... (read in full...)
Should I accept my bf's faults or move on?
Q. Hi, Are these reasons to end a relationship? *we only get to sleep together about 4 nights in every 2 months due to work commitments, even though we live 5 miles apart! His excuse is that i wake up far too early as he's a late sleeper and i fidge...
A. 19 May 2011: as a woman who is with a man with many faults that I opt to accept I'm not sure I would accept the ones you list. my boyfriend and I are 90 miles apart it's nearly a 2 hour car trip one way and yet we see each other every chance we get.... i wi... (read in full...)
Female orgasm from performing fellatio?
Q. Do some women experience orgasms while (or from) performing fellatio ? She stops (hesitates) several times while performing fellatio and seems to need to get her breath.... almost like choking but different. She twitches and gets her breath then con...
A. 19 May 2011: while i get very very aroused giving my man a BJ I don't orgasm and I think neither is your lady friend. ... (read in full...)
He got real personal. Did I overreact? Should I meet him?
Q. well, I've been single for 2 yrs now haven't really liked anyone since i split with my ex. Anyways I started talking to this guy on facebook well he talked to me first, we have arranged to meet up (in a public place I'm careful lol) but we haven't ...
A. 19 May 2011: you did not over-react. there is something about the internet that gives folks more bravery to ask things they would never ask face to face early in a relationship... go ahead and meet him in a public place but hold your ground and keep it ... (read in full...)
What should I do? Her mother and my father are second cousins. So that makes us third cousins? Where is it ok to draw the line?
Q. I have a dilemma. One of my cousins lives about 45 minutes away from my home town. We see each other every now and then at family reunions, (maybe 2 or 3 times a year), and have always gotten along great. About a week ago, she emailed me sayin...
A. 19 May 2011: third cousins is just fine.... far enough apart that there's not a concern.
have fun!... (read in full...)
What are the rules about second cousins getting married?
Q. So my 2nd cousin and I finally admitted our feelings for each other. I fell completely for him. we both love each other and we plan on getting married here soon in the next couple years. I truly love him but I'm afaird what other people will say i ...
A. 19 May 2011: According to http://marriage.about.com/cs/marriagelicenses/a/cousin.htm
ALL STATES ALLOW MARRIAGE OF SECOND COUSINS... (read in full...)
Best friend going off into the military but wants me to have his baby. He already has a girlfriend!
Q. I am a senior in high and my best friend is going off to the military. He wants a baby... by me... However, he has a girlfriend. I don't know the girl and she doesn't know me. I do love this guy ever since I was a freshman though. I am also a virgin ...
A. 19 May 2011: you marry him then have a baby sorry it's insanity DO NOT do it.... no babies with friends going off to do military service. NO goodbye sex... "women need a reason to have sex but men just need a place"... (read in full...)
I am 33 and he turns 24. He can't handle the age difference, is there anything I can do or say to keep him?
Q. Hi...I feel so sad and heartbroken that I have no clue where to turn and who to revert to...something someone who can maybe help what I thought would be my long lasting relationship not be lost. I met this guy who is 9 and a half years younger than ...
A. 19 May 2011: I can sort of understand it. I'm 51 and my boyfriend is 37 we are are just over 13 years apart and I'm older. It bothers me more than it bother him. I hate all the stares we get (I look my age he looks about 25) but he's fine with it. 9 ye... (read in full...)
Topic suggestions?
Q. My boyfriend and i have trouble finding topics to talk about. Do you have any suggestions for me?...
A. 19 May 2011:
Really?
I can't get my boyfriend to shut UP... I wish we ran out of stuff to talk about.
hmmm... topics from here that might work:
does penis size affect performace
is shaved sexier than not
should i have an affair on you?
... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to have crushes on other women even in a dedicated long-term relationship?
Q. So I've had a pretty rough past two weeks here. My boyfriend of two years (lived with for a bit over a year) just broke up with me after a big incident. We'd decided we decided to move in too soon, and we figured a break would be ideal. We still ...
A. 19 May 2011: I always say "I'm married not dead" yes it's possible to like/crush on someone else while in love with your partner.... (read in full...)
I'm too shy to get a bikini wax so what are my alternatives?
Q. Ok so im too shy to go get a bikini wax. And for some reason I cant wax myself. I dislike always needing to shave and the effects of that. So does anyone know another way. Can I use that veet stuff as long as im careful to keep it external?...
A. 19 May 2011: I find that if I am not waxing I am not liking any results...
if you are doing just a bikini wax (which is not totally bald to the anonymous reader btw) and not a Brazilian wax (that's a full wax but even then you can leave a "landing strip" i... (read in full...)
My ex's daughter wants to live with me
Q. My partner and I have split up amicably. I have just heard from her daughter that she wants me to live with her. I do know now that she wants me as a sexually active partner. It transpires that we have the same needs and desires. The age difference ...
A. 19 May 2011: how old is said child?
did you raise her? for how many years?
not that it would change my opinion of what is right and wrong
Emotionally she is a child of yours... the children of our partner become our children as well if we are behavi... (read in full...)
She refused to shave after eveything I do for her...
Q. Dear fellow readers, I have found myself stuck in a very fragile situation and I am in need of some serious, thought out advice. I am 16 and have been with my girlfriend for about a year now, and I have hit a brick wall. A few weeks ago I ask her to ...
A. 19 May 2011: Unless you are in a BDSM relationship where she WILLINGLY submits to your domination you have NO RIGHT to "punish" her. withholding sexual activity because her behavior does not please you is childish and immature. As for her not wanting you to t... (read in full...)
I've put up with this for nearly 3 years, have I really been that unreasonable?
Q. my partner and I have been together 2 and a half years. there is a big age difference but everyone has accepted our relationship... everyone except his daughter who is out to destroy us and has been since day one. I appreciate the fact she is a year ...
A. 19 May 2011: No I do not think you are being unreasonable. ... (read in full...)
Don't women like to receive oral sex?
Q. Me and my partner are in love for a long long time. The thing is that my partner gives me wonderful blow jobs but when I go down on her vagina to lick it she gets reluctant. She doesnt want me to lick her down. I wanna know the fact - dont girls ...
A. 18 May 2011: some girls do some girls do not
most that I know do like getting it esp if the person giving it is talented at it...
... (read in full...)
Current boyfriend wants to spend time with me but wont open up about his feelings, whereas my ex was the complete opposite! Now my ex is back in the picture, I don't know what to do......
Q. I have been in a relationship with a really great guy for about 9 months now. About a month before we started dating, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year. I wanted to get back together at the time, but he made it clear it was out of the ...
A. 18 May 2011: my soon to be ex husband always told me he loved me. WORDS they were WORDS... his actions didn't say love..
my current boyfriend warned me from day one that he could NOT say the L word. (yes we call it the L word like it's some dirty four let... (read in full...)
39 weeks pregnant--can how I sit affect the baby?
Q. i am 39 weeks pregnant. can how i sit affect my unborn baby? i also sleep on my sides and sometimes it seems as if he is on the side that i'm sleeping on am i hurting him? Thanks a lot for your answers....
A. 18 May 2011: at this point just try to be as comfortable as you can
on your side is fine... use pillows between your knees behind your back and under your belly for support... (read in full...)
Serious relationship question, why is he in such a rush?
Q. i was in a brief serious relationship with a guy who I had been in contact with about a year ago. just recently we became back in touch and decided to try a serious relationship. the only things was that he didn't tell me what his backgrou...
A. 18 May 2011: I agree it does not sound like a good idea to allow this man to possess and control you and I think that's the only way he knows how to have a relationship.
tell him thanks but no thanks... (read in full...)
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