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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My boyfriend HATES affection.Should I seriously reconsider this relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years....he hates affection. I on the other hand am very, very affectionate. We are both in our early 30's and there have been talks about getting married in the future but I'm not sure that I can marry ...
A. 4 July 2011: I'd leave. seriously.
affection is a basic human need. not even sex. affection.
I don't want a man that hangs on me all the time but I want a man who at night comes home and wants to cuddle on the couch... foreplay is more important t... (read in full...)
My husband want to take a break from our rocky marriage by having sex with other women! And he says people do this all the time!!
Q. hey. im 25 years old and married. ive known my husband for 10 years, dating for 5, married for 3. we are going through a rocky patch. my husband has suggested we split for a week or two and have sex with someone else. i am worried though that he ...
A. 28 May 2011: thanks for the follow up! Glad to hear you are seeking help. I hope it all works out for you both!... (read in full...)
Is my wife of 21 years cheating?
Q. Well here goes. I suspect I already know the answer to this question but here goes anyways. I suspect my wife of 21 years is cheating on me. Over the last 2 years my wife has really changed. She is from the Philippines and the last time she went ...
A. 17 May 2011: either you trust her or you don't. even IF she is not cheating (which it sounds like she is) you don't trust her. if you don't trust her there is no way to have a sane rational relationship. as a woman formerly married to a man who lie... (read in full...)
A quick (honest) survey: How often do you and your partner have sex?
Q. This is something I am interested in as this often comes up on Dear Cupid, how often are couples actually having sex? I know personally I feel that my boyfriend and I are not having enough sex, I am 24 and he is nearly 28 yet we have sex once or...
A. 16 May 2011: I have more sex drive now in my early 50s than I did in my 20s or 30s.
I'm 51 my BF is in his late 30s (nearly 38) and we see each other on weekends pretty much only (LDR)... there have been weekends we've had sex 7 or 8 times in a 3 night we... (read in full...)
I need to walk away from my married lover for good!
Q. I need some help to walk away from my married lover for good. We have been together for 4 years, hes in his early forties and im 26 with a young child. Over the years he has hurt me numerous times, told me he was leaving his wife almost every we...
A. 16 May 2011: no advice on how to leave him cause that's gotta be so dang hard for you but I wanted to give you a hug for knowing WHAT to do....
is he the father of your child?... (read in full...)
Should I meet this guy at a hotel?
Q. Should I meet at hotel? Hi, Any advice is really appreciated! Im just out of my only relationship 3 1/2 years and have never really 'dated'. Well i met someone when i was away down the country a few weeks ago, we kissed and me and my frien...
A. 16 May 2011: meet in public.
make sure he knows that you will not be going to his room with him.
my partner is a 2 hour drive from me. I see him pretty much every weekend now... so 2 hours if you have a car and the income to support the drive is doable ... (read in full...)
How many friends do you have?
Q. OK I am wondering how many friends--and I mean real friends--can a person honestly have. I am not counting Facebook friends, but real friends. To me a real friend is someone you feel a kinship with, someone you identify with and who identifies w...
A. 16 May 2011: let's see
J my life partner
B my soon to be ex husband (still a friend)
A my current bf
D my BFF
N/A
L/T
those are the folks I would call in a crisis
there is also friends on the edges...
M
T
L
L
so about a dozen or s... (read in full...)
I still have sex with my wife even though she is having an affair. Is this letting go?
Q. Is this what letting go means? My 42 year old wife is about a month into an affair with a man 25 years older than her. I have seen their email correspondence and the level of emotional attachment is unbelievable. This whole thing hit me out of th...
A. 16 May 2011: I got to this "My wife will stay here for 6 months to be with her lover. She promises to come back at the end of this year." and I had to answer you without continuing to read.... she will not be back. not if she does what I did. I loved... (read in full...)
Is my wife of 21 years cheating?
Q. Well here goes. I suspect I already know the answer to this question but here goes anyways. I suspect my wife of 21 years is cheating on me. Over the last 2 years my wife has really changed. She is from the Philippines and the last time she went ...
A. 16 May 2011: end the marriage.
you have no trust of your wife
you are treating her like a possession...... (read in full...)
Should I move in with a guy who cheated on me?
Q. I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years. Recently I found out that he was having sex with other women about every month. I was not happy about that at all. Left but he is trying to keep it together. He said that he always saw me as ...
A. 16 May 2011: what chance are you missing? to leave all you know and be with a man you can't trust?
if you are not already AT TRUE LOVE, it will not grow and mature and be nurtured by moving...
will he move to you? yes? good then ask him to do so.
NO? ... (read in full...)
How to stop crying over a guy?
Q. How to stop crying over a guy? Here a brief description of my problem. For two years I've been chatting with one guy over the Internet. First half a year I was practically obsessed with him. The thing is that he's from USA, and I'm from France....
A. 16 May 2011: OUCH... LDRS suck. they do.
I'm in one. I'd DIE in your situation. I'm in an LDR that is ONLY a 2 hour car ride away
You should let him know how you feel and find out if he returns the feelings...
I agree totally with adamantine that www... (read in full...)
When you rim someone, can you taste anything?
Q. I was wondering, when you rim someone, does it taste of, err, anything? Or should it be fairly tasteless? Is it normal if it tasted of "anything" or would that mean someone has bad hygiene? Thanks x...
A. 15 May 2011: if your partner is clean when you perform analingus (sp) then it should not taste like much of anything.... (read in full...)
I'm an average weight for someone my age, but my legs look awful in leggings and shorts!
Q. Hello, I am a 17 year old teenager and now that I am older I tend to 'dress up' more than I used to, I normally wear jeans to school, but Leggings are so much comfier than jeans. so I would like to wear them more often. I have a problem though, ...
A. 12 May 2011: best advice, dress to accentuate your good points.
dress in a wayh that makes you feel positive and attractive.
I am sure with cycling your legs are muscular and not fat...
but if leggings and shorts make you feel bad, then don't wea... (read in full...)
Can a LDR work between me and my perfect girl?
Q. I've recently joined a website with my friend from school, it's a safe website for teens only and it's just a way to meet other people around the world without then getting any of your details. I suppose it can be classed as a dating website too. ...
A. 12 May 2011: it CAN work. BUT at your age and with the distance involved and the fact that you guys have never met I would not advise going full bore into a relationship that is exclusive with each other.
LDRs suck. LDRS where you have not met, are more... (read in full...)
Is it bad to give your guy a bj but not finish??
Q. During foreplay, is it bad to give your guy a bj but not finish (make him cum) bc you are so turned on that you just want him inside you. So you stop, and you start having sex. Is that a bad thing? is there some kind of rule when it comes to oral ...
A. 12 May 2011: as long as he finishes and you are satisfied as well then all is good... (read in full...)
My boyfriend HATES affection.Should I seriously reconsider this relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years....he hates affection. I on the other hand am very, very affectionate. We are both in our early 30's and there have been talks about getting married in the future but I'm not sure that I can marry ...
A. 11 May 2011: two years and no affection?
it's a no brainer for me.
I would so be gone...... (read in full...)
My husband want to take a break from our rocky marriage by having sex with other women! And he says people do this all the time!!
Q. hey. im 25 years old and married. ive known my husband for 10 years, dating for 5, married for 3. we are going through a rocky patch. my husband has suggested we split for a week or two and have sex with someone else. i am worried though that he ...
A. 11 May 2011: as my dear deceased mom would say "what a crock of shit"
no couples DO NOT do this all the time.
I came from an open marriage. I had permission to have relationships with others.... i now am in a monogamous relationship by choice
do Y... (read in full...)
Adult dating websites. When should a wife be concerned?
Q. Why do men register on adult dating websites? Let me rephrase: Why do married men register themselves on adult dating websites? Are they bored with the wife? Are they just trying out a new porn sight? Like trying to see real naked girls instead of ...
A. 11 May 2011: married man?
DATING site?
only goal: to cheat.... (read in full...)
Should I be reading anything into these hugs?
Q. I have not seen him in the last 7 years. He is 62 years old widow of 2 years. I went to shake his hand and he said: 'girl you better give me a hug.' So i did. But, when I went to let go, he pulled me back in, and we hug a little longer. Then I went ...
A. 10 May 2011: a hug of 5 or 6 minutes would make me very uncomfortable.
there is a guy at work that likes to hug me. he's a dirty old man.
If you are interested him romantically why not tell him?... (read in full...)
Haven't had sex with my husband in 13 years but want to have sex with another man.
Q. Hello Cupids. This is one crazy situation you are about to hear and I could really use your help. I have been married to my husband for 13 years and in that time we have never had sexual intercourse. We have had oral sex and have done just abou...
A. 10 May 2011: I love and agree with aunt honesty's answer. BEST ANSWER out there. YOU need to be able to be alone. My bf's biggest concern with me is that I went from a marriage to being right with him but I have been alone so he's accepting of our ... (read in full...)
My LDR has put me on hold, what should I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for five years, much of which has been a LDR, because I have been working on my doctorate and he is unable/unwilling to move for it. This Spring he started getting weird about me moving back and saying that ...
A. 10 May 2011: Move on.
He's a boyfriend in name only not in actions.... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel sick during your period?
Q. Is it normal to feel really nauseous during your period? I feel like I'm constantly car sick. It's awful....
A. 10 May 2011: I used to be so sick when I was a teen with my period.
I had bad nausea and vomiting and also cramps and crying jags and terrible diarrhea. I used to miss school every month. It was dreadful. It did get better later on down the road.
They pu... (read in full...)
Does this mean I am being dumped or what does this man mean?
Q. I am 50 years young and a have been a widow for 2 years. I have start dating . So I meet this man 5 months ago who has been divorced for three years, he has two children age 16 and 13, he spends a lot of time wiht them, becuse the X wife's job ...
A. 10 May 2011: It's possible he's dumping you. Or he may be seriously trying to sort a few things out and just need time and space.
16 and 13 are ages that can demand a lot of time... work could be busy.... could be a zillion things.
how long ago was the... (read in full...)
We broke up because of the distance and now she has a new boyfriend, I'm worried she will fall for him and I will lose her for good!
Q. Need some help regarding long distance romance I had LDR with girl overseas - we were away from each other for 8 months and some personal issues/work came up and i coldnt return home and i told her that i could not see her, i have to stay in this ...
A. 10 May 2011: I think you need to accept that this is one of those LDRs that is not going to survive distance. It's all too common.
She's moved on and I think you need to let her go.... (read in full...)
How should I let this lovely girl down gently, because I have gotten with my childhood sweetheart?
Q. I am a 29 year old male, have been a bachelor for the past 3 years, and have previously experienced a long-term cohabiting relationship. When I was 17, I fell for a girl, lets call her Girl A, who lived nearby in my home-town. We dated for 6 mont...
A. 10 May 2011: you need to be honest with Girl B. "I like you BUT..."
it's horrid and painful for all but much like ripping off a band aid it will hurt for a brief minute or two and then life goes on.... (read in full...)
I'm a newly wed and need advice about sex.
Q. My husband and i have been married for about two and a half months now, our wedding night was my first time being with anyone. for the first like two months our sex routine was the same. sex every night missionary, sometimes in the morning but it ...
A. 9 May 2011: if you empty your bladder before sex and still get the urge and still "sprinkle" then you are "squirting" and that's pretty cool. I've done it once or twice and yes always in the rear entry position.... must be the way everything hits the right ... (read in full...)
What does it mean to say someone is "damaged"?
Q. So Aunts, I have a question. I have been hearing this statement a lot in the past few years. "You don't want to date her; she's damaged," or "Because of all his experiences, he's unfortunately damaged." What does it mean to be "damaged"? A...
A. 9 May 2011: My bf often tells me he's "broken" and he is...
he never learned how to be an adult. He had a horrid childhood that has left him impulsive and angry and unable to connect emotionally without fear.
Damaged folks may or may not be worth the eff... (read in full...)
Guys, do you like tall girls?
Q. Question for the guys, Do guys prefer a woman to be tall? Not taller than them, but not too short? Why do some guys dislike dating short women? Is is to do with the sex? lol ...
A. 9 May 2011: I'm just under 5'3". my ex-husband is 6'4" my current BF is 5'7"
MOST men I know (except for some weird reason my younger son who likes taller (5'5" or more) girls like short girls.
... (read in full...)
How can I speed things up and make my period start?
Q. I am 13 years old and I have all the signs for my period but i havent gotten it yet and i want it to come faster... Is there any way that I could speed it up just that little bit without pain or pills? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!...
A. 9 May 2011: NOTHING you can do to speed it up. Nature has it's own time table.
I can tell you that no matter how prepared you think you are when you do get it, it will be a shock... and not just the first time.... over and over and over in the coming y... (read in full...)
I promised to stay with husband through thick and thin but I can't take his drinking anymore!
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost two years now. At the beginning of our marriage he was drunk all the time and very abusive, both physical and verbal. I promised to stand by his side through thick and thin, but lately I just feel like I ...
A. 9 May 2011: Do you belong to AlAnon?
I would suggest you contact them for a starting point towards support in dealing with an alcoholic spouse.... (read in full...)
I am crushed. I read what she wrote about my size and don't how I am going to work this, or our new LDR, out with her.
Q. I need help with a difficult situation. I met a girl about three months ago through a work friend and we hit it off. We have been dating since then and I feel as if the relationship is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. ...
A. 9 May 2011: how cruel of her! and you want to be in an LDR with her because why? LDRs SUCK (this should me my sig line I say it enough) no you should not have snooped... but you had a reason. It's funny, my man and I are in an LDR and both of u... (read in full...)
He seems to be hiding something.........
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now and for about the last year hes been very secretive about his phone. He never used to care if I messed around with his phone but now all of a sudden he does. I have questioned him about it a few ...
A. 9 May 2011: yep he's got a secret... it could it be a proposal or something else cool like that but it also might be another girl... ouchies...
the defensiveness is a huge red flag.
you need to tell him that you are pretty sure that there's somethi... (read in full...)
My 55 year old mother is dating my ex boyfriend for sex!
Q. I am really peed of with my mother. i am not proud of her tbh. she goes out on weekends wearing short skirts or leggings and wears a top that shows off her sagging boobs (she is 55 years old and divorced). she loves the attention of men but what she ...
A. 9 May 2011: seems to me like a more than fair compromise.... (read in full...)
He raised this girl for 7 years but she is not his daughter, and now she is calling him a bit too much and it is making me uncomfortable....
Q. So my bf of 1 year had a previous relationship 12 years ago and supposedly raised her daughter for 7 years. well last year before he met me he started talking to the daughter who is now 16 but she calls over and over, sometimes up to 7 or 8 times ...
A. 6 May 2011: emotionally he's her dad. I have an 18 yr old step daughter i raised from 10-18 and she calls me mommy....... (read in full...)
Need advice on how to handle a long distance relationship
Q. I need some advice on how to make a long distance relationship work. We've been dating 5 months; talk every day; text multiple times a day and see each other 3 to 4 times a week. We are still in that very "lovey dovey" phase and recently he said ...
A. 6 May 2011: I'm in a full time LDR... we met and sadly live 2 hours apart by car so we only usually have weekends... and yeah it sucks.
I call my man every night after I get into bed so he can "put me to bed" sometimes we only talk for a few minutes but it s... (read in full...)
I really like him, but I am afraid he will be turned off when he sees me naked.
Q. im 18/f im about to have sex with my best friend whom i have very strong feelings for. The thing is, im a virgin and hes not...and the last girls he's slept with have been extremely thin with models bodies. i weigh around 57kg and im not very ...
A. 6 May 2011: I'm sorry his need to be 100% sure that you are "nothing like his ex" smacks of manipulation or excuses. How long has he been broken up with the ex???
"he won't make me wait too long" ARRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH why is it totally up to HIM?????... (read in full...)
What are women's views on foreplay?
Q. OK well. It is really a fun thing befor the real thing. And I know guys get pleasure out of foreplay. They like that kind of secret between him and his girlfriend no one else. It keeps him alot interested. What bothers me is how do women feel ...
A. 6 May 2011: foreplay is better than the actual act as is the cuddling after............ (read in full...)
Does grammar matter when people communicate today? Or is it a lost cause? What's your pet grammar issue?
Q. First off I will admit it: sometimes I mis-spell words. And another thing, sometimes when I'm in a hurry I abbreviate some words. And when I was at University I used to have the best set of abbreviations in Contract Law. If I needed to refer to ...
A. 5 May 2011: I think you mean Mary Poppins for supercalafragiliciousexpealadocious...
even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious.
I hate mispronunciations
swifter for swiffer
sim-u-lar for similar
MINES for mine (oh how ... (read in full...)
B/f wants to know whats wrong with dating 5 years before we decide?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in our mid 30's and have no children and been dating nearly two years. We live an hour and 10 mins drive apart and meet up mid week and week ends. He says because he doesn't earn much he can't afford to commute even further ...
A. 5 May 2011: I'm sorry your man is a Time waster.
I'm in an LDR tomorrow is our six month anniversary. I drive 2 hours every weekend to go see him. NEXT JUNE he plans to move down here to me risking losing his job, and giving up everything he has known hi... (read in full...)
I caught my ex cheating in the office! Would you turn her in?
Q. I caught my ex gold-digging past-lover that I work with screwing with another person in the office this morning? I caught them and now have extremely incriminating evidence against her and I would love to get her kicked out of the office for ...
A. 5 May 2011: I wouldn't do it. You look bad. Vengeful, jealous and immature.
And I agree with CindyCares, the opposite of love is not hate. the OPPOSITE of love is ambivalence. ... (read in full...)
Why is my g/f so frigid? Am I that repulsive?
Q. My girlfriend (27y) of 9 months and I (26y) have never been intimate, never discussed sex (she gets extremely uncomfortable), never ventured our hands between each others' legs. I always respect her comfort level. I feel unwanted. I feel...
A. 5 May 2011: have you talked to her about it?
is it possible she considers you guys just friends?... (read in full...)
Is it ok for your boyf to flirt with an ex?
Q. My ex has 1 daughter and we have one together we recently broke up because ive been told they are always together they work at the same place and a lot of people have told me he says it's work related. So I confronted his ex She told he that he ...
A. 5 May 2011: if you don't feel it's right then for you it's not and you need to find a man that agrees.
for me personally I don't care where my man gets his appetite as long as he eats at home... so he's allowed and encouraged to flirt and look at young pr... (read in full...)
Will the age issue be there like a sore that will not heal and eventually destroy the relationship? Help!
Q. Hello, i am a 43 year old man and for the last year i have been in a relationship with a wonderful, beautiful, mature acting 22 year old woman. I am very happy with her, i've hit the jackpot at last.....but there are problems and i would appreciate ...
A. 5 May 2011: Ugh why are people so wired to age?
I'm in an age gap relationship... I'm what they call a "cougar" ugh. I hate that.
my bf is 13+ yrs younger than I am...
my gf's tease me that my next boyfriend will be found by trolling the high school... (read in full...)
Would it seem stalkerish if I got a job at the place where he works?
Q. dear cupid, so, there's this guy that i met through mutual friends, and those mutual friends seem to think that the two of us would be absolutely perfect together. he works at a restaurant near the college that we both go to, and i just recently ...
A. 5 May 2011: I'd go for it and just be casual about it with him. You need a job, they are hiring...it sounds like a good job. ... (read in full...)
I really like him, but I am afraid he will be turned off when he sees me naked.
Q. im 18/f im about to have sex with my best friend whom i have very strong feelings for. The thing is, im a virgin and hes not...and the last girls he's slept with have been extremely thin with models bodies. i weigh around 57kg and im not very ...
A. 5 May 2011: It won't turn him off. Trust me. I have a terrible body right now. IF he cares about you then you are the most beautiful perfect woman in the world. Relax Enjoy... if you feel that self conscious then do what I do, pick up a cute chemi... (read in full...)
My 55 year old mother is dating my ex boyfriend for sex!
Q. I am really peed of with my mother. i am not proud of her tbh. she goes out on weekends wearing short skirts or leggings and wears a top that shows off her sagging boobs (she is 55 years old and divorced). she loves the attention of men but what she ...
A. 27 April 2011: why does your mom being a sexual being bother you so much? I feel your embarrassement but your mom is just being a woman. Women in their 50s have sex drives to match men in their 20s. Nature has a sense of humor....
I'm 51, I dress cute..... (read in full...)
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