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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is he seriously considering me to mother his child?
Q. Here goes...I've been seeing this guy on and off for almost six years now. Its been to the point where we have spent all our time together, we've fought, went out of down, just plain out, yadda yadda. Recently though he's been talking about having a ...
A. 3 May 2011: i no longer even speak with the man I have children with.
a baby won't fix what's broken.... (read in full...)
Girlfriend left because I am too aggressive
Q. MOD NOTE: Please do not put your posts all in caps. It has been corrected this time. Next time it will be rejected. THX My ex girlfriend says I am too aggressive, I explain to her its my response to the way she is treating our relationship. Now she ...
A. 3 May 2011: what does she mean by too aggressive?
what are you doing that has her saying these things?... (read in full...)
Did he just not like me?
Q. Basically went on a date for the first time in ages :) but I'm kinda confused, because although we had good banter and he kindly paid for my cinema ticket and also wanted to pay for my dinner (I didn't want him to though because we're both students ...
A. 3 May 2011: sounds like he respects you and is shy.
i think he will call again...
give him some time.... (read in full...)
I love him but I find him very unattractive. Am I shallow?
Q. I am happily seeing someone and I don't find him physically attractive, in fact I find him rather ugly. I recognise this and accept this and am still very much in love with and attracted to him. People make jokes and say that he is ugly and they wor...
A. 3 May 2011: if you love him even if he's ugly you see his beauty... or you should.
best example comes from my life now:
I met a man who's personality made me crazy hot for him... his looks... eh... physically not my type... not ugly but not attractive t... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants me to get tattoo of his name! Should I?
Q. my partner Shane says he is not the marrying kind. but we do everything together. He was my fiurst boyfriund and I never want any other boyfriend. He does shift work and i get scared at night sometimes when he is not home. And I cant go out without ...
A. 3 May 2011: NO... (read in full...)
Do I contact him again? Or wait for him to contact me?
Q. So, I joined an internet dating site. It's been pretty fun. So far I've met up with three guys. The first guy is now a friend, the second didn't go very well, and the third...aw, the third. He messaged me a couple of months ago and I could tell he ...
A. 3 May 2011: wait for him to come to you...
did you find your phone or replace it?... (read in full...)
Dealing with missing someone when on a break?
Q. Hi all. I'll post this quite quickly as I dont have much time this morning. Me and my bf have been struggling for a while and as scarey as this may be, we have decided to have a break from eachother for a month. This is basically going to involve ...
A. 3 May 2011: I've never known any relationship that i "took a break" from to survive.... (read in full...)
Why did the doctor ask me if I'm in a relationship? I can't see the relevance
Q. i'v just been to see my doctor i'v got a sore throat. So what relevance was there to his question to me, asking if i'm in a relationship? why did he ask me if i'm in a relationship? How was that appropriate?...
A. 3 May 2011: social history is important to your medical records.
my doctor asks about work, stress, my intimate relationship (i.e. are those bruises from your partner inflicted in anger...) ... (read in full...)
Is it time to seriously talk about 'where is this relationship going'?
Q. i've been with my man now two years and it's a LDR. We are fully commited, and i am looking to move closer to him, so we can see him lots more. we see each other as often as we can at the moment. but i'm just wondering, is it time to have the 'wha...
A. 3 May 2011: if after 2 years of an LDR he's not mentioned closing the distance he may not really be as vested in the relationship as you are. Are you ready for the let down if he's not on the same page as you?
how far apart are you? how often do you see ... (read in full...)
Is my husband's relationship with his co-worker appropriate? Or am I over reacting?
Q. I am 61 and my husband is 68. For the past year he has had a close relationship friends he says with a co worker. He lies when she calls because he knows I think it is inappropriate. He hides her number in his cell phone and on one occasion ...
A. 3 May 2011: his behavior is one of guilt. he knows his feelings and his behavior are not in line with appropriate behavior in a closed marriage.
his behavior to you is becoming emotionally abusive.
your choices:
make him stop (and if he refuses you ... (read in full...)
Should a guy really forgive a girl for being rude because she is on her period?
Q. Is a woman's cycle really a reason to forgive her sudden bitchiness? ...
A. 2 May 2011: It can be and it should be if you ever want to have a relationship last longer than a month or two with a woman. SOMETIMES PMS or PMDD (more severe than PMS but often just said to be very bad PMS) can really affect how a woman feels or behav... (read in full...)
Can he go to prison for being with me?
Q. Im 15 years old and my boyfriends 20, we are in love no doubt about it, but can he go too prison for being with me?...
A. 2 May 2011: you are in the USA he can go to jail I know a guy who did TWO YEARS for statutory RAPE (that's what sex with a minor is.... even if she consents) yeppers your folks or the state can probably send him to jail if you guys are sexual. check ... (read in full...)
Relationship advice......my BF can't forget about my past, plz help!
Q. Hey! Im just after a little bit of advice, so any would be appreciated :)! I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months, and he wanted to know everything about my past relationships etc, so I told him everything, how many people I had slept with, ...
A. 2 May 2011: personally thing said in anger are often true and he will forever throw this up in your face
he has a double standard and I think you should consider ending the relationship.... (read in full...)
LDR b/f wants us to have sex when we meet!
Q. Okay, so I really don't know how to start. I'm having a long distance/online relationship with a guy whom i'm supposed to meet in July. He is a really great guy, fun to be around and a really nice person. The only problem is that were not on...
A. 2 May 2011: Do not let him guilt you into sex
DO NOT let him force you into sex
DO NOT set yourself up to be in a position where he can force you... (i.e. alone in his apartment or a hotel room)
IF he truly loves and respects you he will wait.
als... (read in full...)
My intuition tells me no....but my whole body and 99.99% of my mind says yes!
Q. okay ive been talking to this guy on fb chat and he says really nice things to me. he tells me im awesome, that im a babe, im hot that he loves talking to me. that he misses me and that he wants to see me again. but the thing is that ive seen him ...
A. 2 May 2011: not all flirts are players or womanizers.
I'm a huge flirt but insanely faithful to my boyfriend
i have a male friend who's young (age 29) who is an outragesous flirt...we flirt all the time.... i love his fiancee... she's a flirt too.
FL... (read in full...)
Why am I feeling so hesitant about a relationship with this younger guy?
Q. I have been chatting with this guy for almost a year. We have seen each other 3 time (he lives out of town). Although, I am still unsure of my feelings for him "I run hot and cold" so does he. We have some sort of connection that brings us ...
A. 30 April 2011: personally I'd go with the flow.
know that the problems are NOT sounding like they are age gap related.
i'm 51 my bf is 37 after about 25 or so age becomes but a number that makes us insane...
if you are having fun then go for it. think o... (read in full...)
I don't know how to feel, I have had proof that b/f lied and cheated
Q. I have being dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and everything was well untill when i found out last year that when i was away to another country for a month he started flirting with another girl.When i got back he was totally changed and deep ...
A. 29 April 2011: i will tell you from experience once trust is betrayed it is never earned back... it just can't be.
feel betrayed
feel lied to
feel angry
move on if you can.... (read in full...)
How do I draw this man closer to me and away from his work?
Q. Hi, I am a 22 yrs old girl. I met a guy online who is 39 years old.After we spoke for online for sometime, he asked me for an Open relationship. At that point of time , i has no clue what does that mean. So i just agreed to be friendly with him....
A. 29 April 2011: why in the world do you want to draw him closer
he wants an open relationship meaning he can see who he wants when he wants
if he gets his finances back will he go back to the other woman?
if he is not giving you enough attention at 4 mo... (read in full...)
Why do men prefer to break up in a text rather than in person?
Q. I would like to know y men cannot break up face to face... y is it that they find it easier to. Txt it... my bf broke up with me yesterday cuz he has insecurity issues beleives ima cheat on him and gets really sad and upset just him thinking bout ...
A. 29 April 2011: I've never had anyone break up with me by text. IN fact, my current boyfriend made me swear if I ever break up with him I'm going to do it face to face not by phone not by text not by email...
breaking up by anything other than face to face is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend impregnanted another girl
Q. My boyfriend impregnanted another girl he dated for 3 months.but he is telling me that he loves me he want to marry me.but however last year i got pregnant and he told me to abort because he was not ready to became a father because he is curently ...
A. 29 April 2011: what do you mean he is refusing. does he have a collar on you that you can't escape from him?
he told you to abort your child and you did. he told this other girl the same thing and she refused. now he's stuck being responsible for his chil... (read in full...)
Why would he end things over such a stupid thing?
Q. omg i really need help here. I'm going crazy. ok i"m just gonna straightforward tell you what happened. 10 months ago i met this guy and we became good friends. After a while i realized that i sort of have feelings for him. he is 7 years older than ...
A. 29 April 2011: he didn't ACCIDENTLY read your journal. HE DID IT ON PURPOSE
I also think that he may have been looking for an excuse to end it...
truth be told if he blew up and ended it in anger you are better off without him. I know you don't want ... (read in full...)
I really like her though I've never met, but I don't know what to do when we do meet!
Q. Hi there. I have two questions, I really need help on this. My friend introduced me to a girl and unfortunately I have not met her, yet. We have been texting each other a lot and we have become friends. But heres the problem, I really like...
A. 29 April 2011: Be yourself
offer to buy her a soda or an ice cream or something like that
maybe sit and talk or take a walk
relax...
enjoy her company
I'd not try to kiss her or put your arm around her the first time you meet... ... (read in full...)
Crush for long time comes down to nothing
Q. I've had a crush on a guy for a very long time and it's come down to nothing. I basically just wasted three years of my life and I'm mad about it. He led me on and now I'm forced to suffer. What I really want to know is how do I get back at him?...
A. 29 April 2011: Living well is the best revenge. so live well be happy have friends do things ignore him. he's a bug to be squashed in your life... ... (read in full...)
I think if this guy was closer my g/f would be with him, not me
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for nearly a year now, and i really like her alot. We say we love eachother daily, but i really dont even know what love is. She does alot of shit that bothers me and i can't tell if im over reacting or if im angry ...
A. 29 April 2011: She probably would be with him if he was local but he's NOT. there are three things that matter here: location location location Long distance relationships SUCK. they are hard to maintain and when a teen useless IMO.... you do need... (read in full...)
How can you marry someone when they can't be a team?
Q. i've been with my girlfriend for a couple of years now. she moved to a different state to be with me. to me, i see us as a family now. she has a son that i've taken on as my own. so to me, when things happen, we should look to each other for ...
A. 29 April 2011: have you talked to her about it? calmly, when you are not upset and she's not leaving.... her parents are her primary long term known support system... not sure how long she's been with you or how old she or her son are... but blood is thic... (read in full...)
My breasts are significantly different in size, HELP!
Q. My right breast is much larger than my left and it IS noticable unless i wear a baggy or loose fitting top. I know it is normal for one to be larger than the other but in my case it's just awful. I'm 5'2" My right is busting out of my 34 D bras ...
A. 29 April 2011: This sadly is something you will need to see a reconstructive surgeon about... it's common enough and because it's a medical issue insurance will probably cover the expense.... (read in full...)
Do I just want to date this guy because I am lonely?
Q. I haven't been in a serious relationship for almost a year now and I'm lonely. There is a guy that is really interested in me and I'm sorta interested in him but I'm worried that I'm only considering dating him because I'm lonely and wanting to be ...
A. 29 April 2011: I would go for it. That's what dating is... think of it as a vacation.
you just enjoy yourself.... (read in full...)
1st time pregnancy questions
Q. Hi. Hadnt been here in a while so it kind of feels odd to be doing this after so long. Well i got married last year and i'm now pregnant for the first time ever. I wanna ask all the moms out there a few questions. First how do i deal with the ...
A. 29 April 2011: in the beginning you keep down what you can.... this should pass... stay hydrated... lots of water... can you drink milk??? are you taking vitamins? and yes it's normal to cry for no reason... THIS may NOT get better.... your hormones are ... (read in full...)
What did I do or say that was so wrong?
Q. Ok i was supposed to be spending the weekend with my boyfriend that lives out of town. i had plans on driving and getting him, its only four hours away and he text me and told me that he couldn't come because he said something came up with his son. ...
A. 29 April 2011: he sends texts saying you should end it? (sorry I have a hard time understanding what you are saying) is he testing you? who knows. I think you need to stop worrying about HIM and focus on yourself... do you want to put up with... (read in full...)
When is the right time to have children?
Q. When is the right time to have kids? I want to have a child but here are some of the thing stopping me 1) I dont have a partner that wants children (he has his own) 2) I have endometriosis (womb tissue on ovaries can affect fertility) 3) My ...
A. 29 April 2011: 7 pm. there is no right time. I had mine at 24 and 26.... now they are grown and i am having great fun... but i was also not the most mature of moms.. there are pros and cons a couple of things here specific to you: 1. being a sin... (read in full...)
A little girl accidentally got hurt while I was babysitting and I cannot get over the guilt!
Q. During the day I look after two little girls aged 3 and 5 (I'll call them J and K respectively); I collect J from nursery at lunchtime and K from school a few hours later. When I brought K home this afternoon there was nobody else around, as her ...
A. 29 April 2011: hugs to you darling... accidents happen...
it was an accident not an "on purpose"
once you grow and have your own kids you will see this.
my 3 month old son (now age 27) slipped out of my arms once outside and landed on the CEMENT head fi... (read in full...)
Messing around with husband friend! I know I'm a bad friend, wife and mother!
Q. I have gotten myself into a huge mess and only keep digging myself deeper and deeper. my husband and i have been married for 6 yrs, we have 5 children (4 still very young) but there is no romance, i guess there has never really been. Here is the d...
A. 29 April 2011: kids survive and adapt amazingly well to divorce and two households with two sets of rules. staying together "for the kids" is crazy and not even a good idea. my kids told me they were much happier after mommy and daddy split up...
btw they are... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has become abusive, we constantly fight and I'm always on edge. What can I do to stop this?
Q. Hi all. I am very upset. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a total of almost 3 years now, but lately we have been arguing a lot. The last heated argument we had I ended up crying on the floor while he made sarcastic remarks about ma...
A. 28 April 2011: can you tell me WHY you appreciate a jealous possesive man?
Protective is different from possessive...
jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity not love....
what about his abuse makes you love him?
how often is he drinking enough t... (read in full...)
I keep bleeding after sex...should I see a doctor? Or will it eventually stop?
Q. i haven't been having sex for that long and have only had sex around 8 times but every-time including the 1st and the last time Ive had sex Ive bleed afterwards and it can be fairly painfull during and after sex.. should i get this checked out or ...
A. 28 April 2011: does not sound right... need to get it checked out....
... (read in full...)
Feel very uneasy after older guy asked me out, and am not sure what to do.
Q. Hello aunts! I would like to start off by saying that I am 14 and a high school freshman. Four days ago, an 18 year old high school senior asked me out. Please don't judge the ages, I am aware. He's leaving for boot camp next fall and I do n...
A. 28 April 2011: you just say "i'm flattered but no thank you" to any dates with this young man.
I'm sorry but 14 is too young to date 18.... (read in full...)
How can I make him explode again, without the aid of porn?
Q. I love my boyfriend 5 months. We are both virgins but engage in oral sex. My problem is the blowjob. FYI I love to please him. I've given him 6 complete ones so far. (there were others in between but dont count because we were distracted interrupted ...
A. 28 April 2011: when you give him a blow job you could introduce some nice anal play into it. if not full blown penetration with your finger(s) then stroking rubbing or pressure... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hurt me so bad! What's wrong with him?
Q. my bf has treated me really bad and always tries to control me and makes me cry!.(btw i am 18 and he is 21) One night I told my boyfriend I was busy with alot of homework for school , and that he couldn't come over that night , but that he coul...
A. 28 April 2011: he is a jerk. I agree.
keep ignoring him.... (read in full...)
What did I do or say that was so wrong?
Q. Ok i was supposed to be spending the weekend with my boyfriend that lives out of town. i had plans on driving and getting him, its only four hours away and he text me and told me that he couldn't come because he said something came up with his son. ...
A. 28 April 2011: within a year make it work?
you mean be in the same city?
who is moving to who?
so you guys meet halfway and get a hotel?
... (read in full...)
I wanted to become celibate, but my boyfriend threatened to leave me
Q. I wanted to become celibate but my boyfriend threatened to leave me..... clearly he cannot respect my decision... What do i do? But he claims he loves me so much....
A. 28 April 2011: well have you clearly defined WHY you want to become celibate? is this a reborn purity pledge till you are married? is this a "test" of your relationship?... (read in full...)
Will I lose my virginity if I give him oral? Will he love me more if I do it?
Q. i'm a 17 years old girl and still a virgin. my boyfriend is asking me to have an oral sex with him, he's 18 and were both virgins. i keep telling him that i don't want to because i'm reserving my virginity till the day i'm married. (even though im ...
A. 28 April 2011: your mother's threats don't hold water.. most active American girls break their Hymens at a young age through bike riding, tree climbing... running or other activities if you use tampons or have ever inserted a finger into your vagina your hyme... (read in full...)
Should I really consider having a fling with an unhappily-married woman?
Q. I am having a real struggle with my conscience and really need some advice. I have been single for over a year after a break up of a 10-yr relationship. I have found dating hard because I don't want kids. Anyway, last weekend, I met someone who ...
A. 28 April 2011: RUN AWAY! a couple of reasons: 1. she's married and cheating 2. she's got kids and if you fall for her you will have to either leave her (painful) or end up with her and her kids (not what you want) if she is married and having a fling with you,... (read in full...)
What did I do or say that was so wrong?
Q. Ok i was supposed to be spending the weekend with my boyfriend that lives out of town. i had plans on driving and getting him, its only four hours away and he text me and told me that he couldn't come because he said something came up with his son. ...
A. 28 April 2011: let me get this right you were going to drive four hours to pick up your boyfriend and bring him to you... I need some more info 1. how long have you guys been dating? 2. how often do you see each other? 3. what effort does he make to... (read in full...)
My intuition tells me no....but my whole body and 99.99% of my mind says yes!
Q. okay ive been talking to this guy on fb chat and he says really nice things to me. he tells me im awesome, that im a babe, im hot that he loves talking to me. that he misses me and that he wants to see me again. but the thing is that ive seen him ...
A. 28 April 2011: you say you feel protective... personally I think you meant POSSESSIVE... big difference and not a healthy one. he probably is just flirting with you... you are one of many to him. that's not a bad thing at your age and if it's long distan... (read in full...)
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