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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Girlfriend of 5 years wants a break to figure out what she wants....I'm confused!
Q. I am confused on the whole situation and am just looking for some advice. Basically, my gf wants to take a break for a little bit, mainly to figure out what she wants, and if the opportunity arises, she might date. We've been together for 5+ ...
A. 21 April 2011: Don't worry about the future. What a brave and hard thing you did. Letting someone you love be free is hard but it's the right thing in my opinion. If she comes back in a few weeks, you may actually want her to take more time... you may wan... (read in full...)
It physically hurts when my boyfriend and I have sex, and I don't like his reactions to this. What should I do?
Q. when my boyfriend and i have sex, he is really big and it hurts. it hurts so much that i often scream quite loud during sex. its painful and worrying but its what he does which is also worrying. when i am screaming he either puts his hand over my ...
A. 20 April 2011: I'd be worried about his reaction.
have you told him it hurts
that you are in PAIN not screaming from pleasure?
how much lube are you guys using.
lube helps. a lot. as does foreplay.
but if a man put his hand over my mouth or a pill... (read in full...)
Is our age gap too great? I look much younger than I actually am.
Q. I am nearly twenty and he is thirty one. Is that too much of an age difference? I know others that are his age and older and I would regard them as scarily older than me at times but with my boyfriend that's never there. I feel almost as though ...
A. 20 April 2011: i'm 51 my boyfriend is 37 he looks about 30...
i love him not for his looks but his brain...
I don't care what others think or say.. it's working for us
if it works for you two then go for it ... (read in full...)
She is very quiet when she has an orgasm, is this because I am not very good?
Q. hi i was just wondering. I have been with my partner 7 years. And well she is so quiet when she cums. Is this normal or am i just not giving her good enough ones? I always please her before penertration as she says she cant cum through this method ...
A. 20 April 2011: some women are quiet...
if you have sex in situations where being loud is not good (i.e. you live with other people or children or parents) you learn to be quiet...... (read in full...)
Guy turned a 180 and is now ignoring me..
Q. Sorry, this is long! I've just never been in this position. Okay so my friends introduced me to this guy about a month ago. We’re both 20. I guess he went to our high school freshman year, but I didn't remember ever seeing him. I guess like a month ...
A. 20 April 2011: he sends mixed signals because he has mixed feelings.
he likes you but he knows that a relationship right now is not a good idea.
Listen to his actions not his words.
... (read in full...)
What would you do in the case of paternity fraud?
Q. What would you do if you were to find out the child your wife/spouse gave birth to you was not yours? ...
A. 20 April 2011: do you love your wife?
can you look past the lies and infidelity and forgive her acts of betrayal?
if yes, consider that many adopted families are still families even without blood to tie them... emotions have a lot of power... conside... (read in full...)
I'm getting impatient. Is this insecurity or being non-committal?
Q. ive been dating someone for 2 years. we see each other all summer and when he is home for holidays, etc. (im in high school, he is in college) we work together in the summers and get along great. we have the same morals and values and we love ...
A. 20 April 2011: Live your life for you.
do not pick a school near him just to be near him
be friends.
there is not much else you can do.
have fun when you are together... ... (read in full...)
I haven't seen my mother-in-law in 6 years, and now she wants to see my husband and son, but not me. What should I do?
Q. My mother inlaw has hated me for elven years now. My husband went 6 years without speaking to her. Because of the disrespect to has to his wife. She is not a good grandmother to our son because of the hate she has towards me. She wants us to meet ...
A. 20 April 2011: personally I think you should all meet on neuteral territory.
a resturant. Your family and her. she has to deal with the entire family and if she is rude and disrespectful to you then you and your husband and child can get up and leave. (... (read in full...)
How can I get over this girl?
Q. after 3 years of a virtual life with my long distance girlfriend that i have never met, she leaves me !! i cant believe this is happening, im crazy in love with her and so was she, but lately she was acting so weird, she always uses the excuse ...
A. 20 April 2011: you need to get out and make friends where you live.
I believe that LDR relationships can work... IF
1. you've actually met the person
2. you have an end date when you will no longer be LDR
3. you have actual physical contact on a reg... (read in full...)
Why did my ex's new girlfriend believe him? How can he get away so easily with being dishonest?
Q. Okay after a couple of years after my break up I feel almost like I have closure. (My ex cheated on me after 5 years and had been seeing his mistress for the last 4 1/2 months. I outed him and tried to talk with her)The one thing that still bothers ...
A. 20 April 2011: my then husband lied to his now girlfriend that he was separted from me. she wanted to leave him but she forgave him and stayed with him. sadly I know her pain and she will never be able to trust him 100% but she opted to stay because lonely is ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants my blessing to have sex with another guy!
Q. my girlfriend wants to have sex with another guy at a convention and wants my blessing. shes says its cool cause i will be allowwed a free pass too. why won't she understand that i only want to be with and should i see at her wanting to end things....
A. 20 April 2011: I can only adress the does she want to end things part...
I wanted a "free pass" to have an affair with my now partner. I was married and honest with my husband that I was atttracted to this other man.
Hubby bless his heart tried to let me ... (read in full...)
I'm only 16 and I think this 36 year old likes me, what should I do?
Q. Hey guys, i need some help..so i'm 16 and i'm pretty sure that my 'ex' neighbour at 36 (who i've had a crush on for a LONG time) is coming on to me. He used to live across the road from me with his partner and their daughter at 3 years old. I'v...
A. 20 April 2011: I'd be very cautious.
I'm going to encourage you to tell your parents about this.
at 16 his behavior is predatory.... (read in full...)
Questions about sex and virginity......
Q. is it possible to become a virgin again after losing it? my vargina gets too wet when I am romancing with my man, is it normal?...
A. 20 April 2011: you cannot become a virgin again... once gone it's gone...
as for getting wet.. .count your blessings...
that has nothing to do with virginity btw.... (read in full...)
I want to relieve the stress in my life by losing my virginity.
Q. I am 14 years old and my parents are always fighting so i think if i loose my virginity it will help me relieve stress. What should i do?...
A. 20 April 2011: oh yes worrying that the boy likes you, that your not pregnant, that you don't have an STD will all greatly reduce your stress....
the above statement is SARCASM.....
is there a guidance counselor at school you can talk to?
you really d... (read in full...)
How can you tell when a guy is being genuine???
Q. How can you tell if a guy is feeding you lines, or is actually interested??? I'm talking about when you first meet someone, not while you are dating someone. ...
A. 20 April 2011: in the beginning it is hard to tell... the test of time is crucial to learn if someone is genuine.... (read in full...)
Sex for the first time?
Q. I am thinking about having sex for the first time. Does it hurt and can somebody give me details...
A. 20 April 2011: it might hurt...
I am going to ask you to please please please PLEASE not do it....
if you have to ask for details i think you are not ready.
my daughter had sex the first time at 15 and at 18 met a boy she truly loves... and she cried t... (read in full...)
Why won't he say he loves me?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for six months and he told me that he's never felt this way about anybody before. Although he doesn't get me flowers or gifts like my previous boyfriends did, he's treated me better than all of them. We've met each others ...
A. 20 April 2011: My boyfriend cannot say "I love you" it's just not something he can do. He has his reasons and I do not push him. The funny thing is I have always NEEDED a man to tell me he loves me to feel it but after my last husband who said it all the time ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's possible to fall in love with someone you have been in a relationship with for 5 months?
Q. I am interested in hearing other people's opinions on this- do you think it's possible to love someone you have been in a relationship with for 5 months? I have been with my boyfriend for this long but really feel like we have a strong connection. ...
A. 20 April 2011: You sure can.
... (read in full...)
Why is he behaving like this? Does he have low self esteem? Is he gay? Does he care about me?
Q. We have been in love for past 2 years and had not met each other.It was this month that we met .He seems smitten during the first meeting and in the second meeting insisted on sex.(we did have phone sex before several times and we were online ...
A. 20 April 2011: I'm sorry my take on it is that he does not care about you and uses you for what he can get.... (read in full...)
Guys: Do you all want a younger woman?
Q. Guys, tell the truth, do you REALLY want a younger woman than the one you are with now? I am in a relationship with a man 15 years my senior. The other day I asked him if he woud date a woman in her 40s he said no, in her 30s he said no (even...
A. 20 April 2011: not all men want younger women.
I am 51 and my boyfriend is 37... he's more than happy and content to be with me...
I don't want older men... i seem to gravitate towards younger men... now granted i do not discount friends or relations... (read in full...)
Is he hiding me from other people, or is he the one hiding something?
Q. hi i've been seeing my man for 9 months now but he wont tell his family about me or meet up with any of mine, including my older children who dont live with me. He's met my youngest whose still at home and they get on well together but wants to...
A. 20 April 2011: I am at the point in my life where i would not accept being a dirty little secret... if he won't introduce you to local friends or family... yeah there is an issue.
so hard to leave someone when we are having fun with them but if they are mist... (read in full...)
Sometimes I wonder if he’s really into me
Q. He never calls me pretty, he rarely wants sex, I don’t feel very desired, I used to love getting little messages every morning but they never happen anymore. We used to seem to turn each other on big time, but now he doesn’t seem pushed. I’m very ...
A. 20 April 2011: Ok tell me exactly WHY you love this man.
I think you are in love with the idea of being in love with someone who loves you.
things you tell me:
1. he never says i'm pretty (I would guess this is important to to you as it's the first th... (read in full...)
I discovered my husband watches porn...I am threatening divorce
Q. Hi, I have been reading various questions and answers recently and have a question of my own to ask you all: About 5 years ago I discovered husband had been watching porn, I came across this quite innocently while looking through our music librar...
A. 20 April 2011: i am sure he will watch porn.
what I am not sure about is why it's such a huge deal breaker for so many women.
it's pictures... why does it threaten you, if your sex life is good...
as i tell my man... I don't care where you get your appet... (read in full...)
Are these guys actually single? When I have a boyfriend, will he do the same things?
Q. I am really curious about this because it makes me wonder what kind of guys these are or whether most guys do this and we're naive to notice. Basically when i go out on nights or just shopping during the day i'll see guys look at me even when the...
A. 20 April 2011: Attached men are just that attached... NOT DEAD.
I look at attractive people. I smile at them... and make a connection... I'm also open and honest about the fact that I am in a relationship...
My BF also admires pretty women and even will po... (read in full...)
Do you need to have sex to love somebody?
Q. I am a virgin. My boyfriend of 22 months is not. I love him to bits but he has said he cant love me until we have sex. He says theres an emotional connection there for him when it happens. I have always wanted to wait til i was married but he tells ...
A. 20 April 2011: do not have sex with him if you do not want to.
that being said... for many men I've heard that sex is the final thing they need to feel love... there is a chemical "transaction" that occurs between two people when they become physically intimate... (read in full...)
I don't wish to continue in this triangle, will he leave his family to be with me?
Q. Hi , I have had a relationship for three years with a married man who still lives with his wife and has a disabled son age 25 . The Man I have been seeing has had two affairs in the past that his wife became aware of and tolerated . I really t...
A. 19 April 2011: his wife looks the other way... you're his third mistress...
he's not leaving his wife.
... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and dating a 20 year old, my friends are telling me to be cautious. Please help!
Q. Hey everybody.. I want some advice I am dating a 20 year old and I am 13... He is very sweet but I'm still scared because all my friends are telling me to be careful. He said " no matter how long u want to wait to loose ur virginity I will wai...
A. 19 April 2011: sweetie... what does MOM say? cause if you were mine I'd want to talk to Mr. 20 yr old 20 yr old men SHOULD NOT be interested in 13 yr old girls. you should be scared. and you need to let your parents know about him. IF you don't w... (read in full...)
My wife had a promiscuous past before we married...and now she is frigid, and it's driving me crazy!! What to do??
Q. This is my problem...my wife has a "colorful" past. I never asked or pretended to be interested in knowing. But she came up to me and told me. I felt somewhat "let down" but never I repeat never held it against her or treated her differently. I ...
A. 19 April 2011: not many women consider ANAL sex NORMAL
and when you say places other than your home.... do you mean
the car
a motel
a friends house in the bathroom?
do you romance and seduce your wife or just demand sex?
as for her past affectin... (read in full...)
Girlfriend of 5 years wants a break to figure out what she wants....I'm confused!
Q. I am confused on the whole situation and am just looking for some advice. Basically, my gf wants to take a break for a little bit, mainly to figure out what she wants, and if the opportunity arises, she might date. We've been together for 5+ ...
A. 19 April 2011: my advice is not going to make you happy. you gotta let her go... she'll do it anyway and then feel bad... 5 years at 18 is a long long time... and what you want at 18 is not what you want at 28.... it's a time for growth and change. It... (read in full...)
Boyfriend states he's single without consulting me!
Q. My boyfriend said he was single without consulting me the other day after we had a small bicker on Facebook because I'm on vacation for 3 weeks. He's been depressed lately and someone was obviously flirting with him but he scolded me for suggesting ...
A. 19 April 2011: if you feel unloved and like a pest and he says he's single. it's pretty much time to end it formally.... (read in full...)
I am married but have no sex life because of my wife!
Q. I am married in long distance relationship, my wife come last year on my country to us get married .I know that she loves me, I don't have any doubt about it. her family in USA doesn't know that we got married here in my country Colombia. The pr...
A. 19 April 2011: I gotta tell you I would have phone sex over online sex any day of the week. I am not no matter what doing online video sex shows with my man... and we are in an LDR.
Sorry I hate that idea... too many things about it that bother me.
do yo... (read in full...)
Should I take the initiative with a woman I like?
Q. There's a woman I like and we have gone out together a couple of times. I make a point of keeping in touch with this woman through e-mail and phone calls. She seems responsive to me and even encourages me to stay in touch, and she seems happy to ...
A. 19 April 2011: Women are taught not to chase men they really like.
Have you told her you would like her to initiate contact or suggest date activities?
... (read in full...)
Lack of Commitment...Do I call it a day or is there another solution?
Q. I have been together with my boyfriend/partner for 6 years. We have tried living together - I say tried - because he only ever had the minimal amount of clothing/belongings there. He never changed his postal address and kept most of his stuff at ...
A. 19 April 2011: if you want more than he is willing to give you, after 6 years I think you have done all you can do... if he is not willing to move in and live together fully or make a permanent commitment to you which is what you want then it's time to cut and ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my BF, because although he's a great guy, the sex is awful. Is it my fault?
Q. I've cheated on my boyfriend and i feel really guilty. he is a great guy. he knows what i like, he treaats me to things all of the time, and he loves me and i love him. but when we have sex, he is awful. he just cant please me. he always comes no...
A. 19 April 2011: yes it's your fault. yes you did a bad thing. Sorry but if you are not sexually satisfied with your partner it's your responsibility to be honest with him. Then you guys can formulate a plan. IF you want to have permission to tak... (read in full...)
Do I masturbate too much?
Q. Is once a day too much to masturbate for a 15 year old girl? ...
A. 19 April 2011: unless it interferes with your daily life then it's not too much! ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to talk to a guy everyday that you just met?
Q. I just met this guy two weeks ago via an online dating site and he seems like a good catch. We share a lot of the same interests and characteristics, and we plan on meeting for the first time this week. Hence the question above, we communicate ...
A. 19 April 2011: Enjoy it. he likes you... if you like him have fun. be safe be sane but have fun.... (read in full...)
Do you think girls who go with guys to a strip club are trashy?
Q. Guys, do you think it's trashy for a girl to accompany a group of guys to the strip club? I think it's a certain type of girl who is willing to go along on this "adventure," and I dont't think she's the type you wanna bring home to mom/MAKE the ...
A. 19 April 2011: men like to have women in the group with them the strippers feel safer and pay more attention to them.... (read in full...)
Do you think girls who go with guys to a strip club are trashy?
Q. Guys, do you think it's trashy for a girl to accompany a group of guys to the strip club? I think it's a certain type of girl who is willing to go along on this "adventure," and I dont't think she's the type you wanna bring home to mom/MAKE the ...
A. 19 April 2011: I used to go with my hubby... we had a blast all the time. I would go with my man now if he asked... (read in full...)
My parents think I am fat, should I just lose weight to shut them up?
Q. Hello everyone. I hope anyone out there can help me. Ok so i am 20 years old and am at University therefore i no longer live with my parents. I go to the gym almost every single day and work out, and swim, though in the last week i have slacked o...
A. 19 April 2011: I agree that unless they can stop these horrible mean and UNTRUE comments you should not visit them.
your weight is perfect..... your exercise and food too.
IGNORE them.... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend is being too distant. Please advise.
Q. My long-distance boyfriend and I have been dating for nine months (due to be ten in a few days) but lately, we've been having communication issues. I have no idea what goes on in his life. He doesn't tell me anything.. And he doesn't really a...
A. 18 April 2011: Honey you are so young... and it's not a good thing... a boy should be so into you he gets in touch with you all the time.. he wants to hear your voice.. and talk to you.
stay friends with him but don't discount finding somene who is closer t... (read in full...)
Is it wrong if my boy friend is 8 months younger than me?
Q. im 14 and my boyfriend is 8 months younger than me people keep saying that its wrong because im older insted of the guy is it?...
A. 18 April 2011: i worried about those things at your age too...
I'm old now. I'm 51 and my boyfriend is 37 that's 14 YEARS...
8 months is not a big deal even at your age.
... (read in full...)
Just hitting my sexual peak now, I think. Should I go with younger women because of this?
Q. My body has always been late in everything to deal with the subject of sex. I lost my virginity when I was 17. The first time I ever masturbated was when I was 19. I didn't even hit puberty until I was 16. Whereas men typically hit their peak sexual ...
A. 18 April 2011: oy vey!
I'm 51. I'm hot. I'm as sexually fired up at this point in my life as I've ever been... just ask my 37 yr old boyfriend who can barely keep up with me.
At 25 I was married with children and had not had many partners. I think that boo... (read in full...)
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