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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Trouble with my boyfriend and thinking about breaking up......
Q. Dearcupid, I am at the most confusing stage. I love my boyfriend a lot. We met online. He is 26 and I'm 16. I have asked this question before,please check. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-torn-between-my-ex-and-my-friend.html He disappeared...
A. 8 June 2011: if he's being a jerk on facebook hon, you gotta block him and get on with your life. it hurts and it sucks but it's the best way.... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 6 June 2011: Your arguments are not quite up to snuff sir.
In the state i live in there is no curfew for under 18. never has been. there are driving curfews but that's not the same thing.
Since I do not know what state you live in I cannot comment o... (read in full...)
It's my party and I can cry if I want to! Would you cry too if this happened to you?
Q. It was my birthday last week and I arranged for friends and some work colleagues to go out for a meal. In total there was 19 of us and I just feel the evening was a disaster! Because we were such a large group the restaurant asked us to all ...
A. 4 June 2011: so often work interferes with life and life interferes with work...
the issue is that only the folks truly committed will make the effort to show up
any time I plan a party I assume that SOME of the invitees won't come. I"m never disappoint... (read in full...)
How can I sweep this guy off his feet and away from his girlfriend?
Q. I have this cute neighbor who lives beside me. He is so cute and handsome. I like hardly ever see him. The other night I was going out with some girlfriends of mine and he was waiting at the elevator with a female who I thought was his friend. I was ...
A. 4 June 2011:
So you think just because you WANT something or someone you have the right to have it???
IF he wanted YOU he would go after you.
My bf looks at women all the time even when he is walking arm and arm with me... and I find humor in it and... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 3 June 2011: I never said you punished her why are you constantly defending yourself about that?
The statement I made was the assumption that if you are this upset about this event that the parenting of your child has been this strict and controlling ... (read in full...)
What kinds of lies would you tolerate in a relationship?
Q. I know people lie. I know I tell a little lie at least every day whether it is i try not to but it happens. Now my question is what kinds of lies would you tolerate in a relationship. For example, a girl I have been seeing lies to me sometimes whe...
A. 3 June 2011: after being married to a chronic liar, I accept NO LIES
sorry.... (read in full...)
Why can't I go?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend over 2 months now and things are going great apart from one thing, I can't cum for her apart from masterbating :( She has given me blow jobs and we have lots of continous sex but I just can't cum and it's really gett...
A. 3 June 2011: the "damage" from anti-depressants will stop once you get on a different medication... the inability to orgasm is one of the side effects of many psychotropic drugs.... (read in full...)
Why did he suddenly shift his attention to this girl in our group?
Q. This gentleman and his wife are my close friends. We hang out together along with a few other friends. But there is a girl in our social group that he does not seems to have a lot in common with. He ignores her and does not engage in her ...
A. 3 June 2011: you would have to actually ASK HIM why his attentions towards her have changed and deepened. ONLY he knows.... (read in full...)
I cannot shake this guy off and I don't want to be mean. Help!
Q. A couple weeks ago I went out on a date with this guy. I'll call him Brett. We were introduced through a mutual friend. At first he seemed like a really nice guy and we talked through email and over the phone for a couple days before he asked me out ...
A. 3 June 2011: every one has given you excellent advice
sever all contact that means block his number or anything else... if you can't.. IGNORE HIM
have backup plans
make sure your mutual friend knows the severity of the problem
check and see if you can g... (read in full...)
Can a girl get pregnant from this?
Q. Can a girl get pregnant just by inserting tip of the penis without a condom and cumming outside the vagina?...
A. 3 June 2011: yep she can...... (read in full...)
How can I stop this "urge"?
Q. This is a really weird thing to ask and talk about to me but how do you stop an "urge" to want to have sex. I went to my BF's house the other day and he said that he wanted to do something to make me happy and kept saying a bunch of other thi...
A. 3 June 2011: exactly you can't STOP them. it's biological it's "mother nature's" way of keeping the human race going.
you can lessen them by watching your activity but you can't stop them...
you have to be the one in control and manage them....a very h... (read in full...)
Am I the only straight woman with a High Sex Drive?
Q. Hey. I'm just wondering i'm the only straight woman with a high sex drive. I want to have sex with men and only men. I find most woman who want sex like crazy tend to be bisexual, i'm wondering if i'm a unicorn?...
A. 3 June 2011: no you are not alone but what does a high sex drive in a straight woman have to do with being a Unicorn?
unicorns are a third partner to a couple....... (read in full...)
13 year old's text messages have turned sexual...What do I do as a parent?
Q. My 13 y.o. son is very active on FB and texting. He is doing well in school and all seems well, aside from slight depression from his mother and I divorcing recently. He has many friends, but seems to have mostly female friends. I do not think ...
A. 3 June 2011: I think you need to ask your son what's going on. And see the messages.
I think that 13 yr old kids tend to start to explore their sexuality. Hormones are raging and we just have to make sure to teach them the right way to deal with it.
... (read in full...)
Trouble with my boyfriend and thinking about breaking up......
Q. Dearcupid, I am at the most confusing stage. I love my boyfriend a lot. We met online. He is 26 and I'm 16. I have asked this question before,please check. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-torn-between-my-ex-and-my-friend.html He disappeared...
A. 3 June 2011: he is a player and I'm sorry but NO 26 yr old MAN should be dating a 16 yr old GIRL...
he's playing you sweetie...
get on with your life and let him go.
It's hard I know... but it's better for you.... (read in full...)
Too tight to have sex and the doctor is no help!
Q. Look this might sound stupid but I really need help. I have been trying to have sex for three years. I have a long term partner, everything is good. I am just very very tight! At first I couldnt even get my OWN finger in, let alone a penis, but now ...
A. 3 June 2011: Get a new doctor. there are vaginal dilators that are used to help women with your condition
http://www.pelvichealthstore.com/Vaginal_Dilators_s/32.htm ... (read in full...)
How long does it take to find someone new after a breakup?
Q. I'm in my 20's and just ended a long term relationship with my live in boyfriend. I'm so heart broken. He was my first love. Will I ever find love again? How long does it usually take to find someone new? ...
A. 3 June 2011: I'm sorry for your loss.
The pain of losing a relationship is horrible and all-encompassing. But each day slowly gets a little better...
you will love again if you want to.
how long it takes to find someone, well that will depend.
P... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 3 June 2011: Or maybe she knows that your behavior, OP is a bit over the top and a bit too controlling for someone who in less than a year is going to legally be an adult?
Again she is 17 and the hardest thing we do as parents is give our kids wings. it's eas... (read in full...)
Wife Said Top Fantasy Is Another Woman
Q. My wife and I were sharing fantasies. I thought mine were fairly normal and things we could do together. However, My wife's number 1 fantasy is sex with another woman. I was shocked! I am actually not part of any of her fantasies she listed. I ...
A. 2 June 2011: is she saying she wants a threesome or just to be with another woman? is she having a fantasy or is it more?
if its' just a fantasy I do think you may be over-reacting a bit...
have you told her how upset you are by this and why?... (read in full...)
My daughter only needs one summer school class to get her diploma, but she wants to get her GED instead! Should I encourage her to take the class?
Q. I am the mother of four children. Three are well over 21 and are attending community college, and two have recently transferred into a four year college. The youngest of my kids is my daughter, a 17 year old who will be 18 in a few days. This mor...
A. 2 June 2011: i would strongly encourage her to take the class and get the diploma....
why are you just finding out now?
can she do anything to fix the one class before graduation
will they let her walk the stage with classmates if she promsies to take... (read in full...)
He has two kids by two different women
Q. Do you think it's bad if a man has two kids by two women ?. I have just met this man, and he has a 12 year old son with one woman, and a one year old daughter with another woman. He is single at the moment though. I don't have any children. I'm not ...
A. 2 June 2011: was he married to the two women?
or one of them?
there's a big gap in ages of the kids.
much more info is needed.
is it bad when a woman marries a man has a child with him and then divorces later on and remarries and has another c... (read in full...)
She has a double standard when it comes to professional touching
Q. My girlfriend of 2.5+ years is an aesthetician. Included in her duties are the occasional bacial (men’s back massage/skin treatment) and men’s facial, which includes an oiled up shoulder massage. When we first began dating she was very controlling ...
A. 2 June 2011: "it's different"
my reply would be "how is it different"
and to her possible "it just is" you have to say
"unless you can give me valid rational points as to why it's different, I'm going to have to disagree and do what I think it best ... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 2 June 2011: nothing for me to say now Tisha-1 said it all beautifully. please listen to what she said...... (read in full...)
She has a double standard when it comes to professional touching
Q. My girlfriend of 2.5+ years is an aesthetician. Included in her duties are the occasional bacial (men’s back massage/skin treatment) and men’s facial, which includes an oiled up shoulder massage. When we first began dating she was very controlling ...
A. 2 June 2011: she is at minimum hypocritical.
did you ask her why it's ok for her to do it but not you?... (read in full...)
How can you tell if your boyfriend is cheating?
Q. how can you tell if your boyfriend is cheating? I'd be interested in hearing some realistic ways of finding out if he is. Thanks for reading this...
A. 2 June 2011: if you are asking and you are not paranoid.. then he probably is.
does he guard his computer, his cell phone his camera? does he take calls and leave the room, come to bed later, is he more attentive or less attentive? (either is a sign)
... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 2 June 2011: you are right SHE SHOULD have CHECKED with you and she did not.
I would be concerned about that... more so than the sex that probably did not happen. I would also mention lightly to her friend's parents that you take your responsibility as a par... (read in full...)
Best Age For Birth Control?
Q. Ok, so I don't want birth control, but I'm curious. What is, in your opinion, the right age for girls to get birth control? When did you get it? Would you have gone younger or older if you could've done it over? Thanks...
A. 2 June 2011: there is no right age.
I was put on BCP at age 14 due to menstrual issues...
My daughter at 15 got a boyfriend and they were serious and instead of pretending that it was ok I took her to the GYN and got her BCP too.
If you are in a serio... (read in full...)
How can I stop this "urge"?
Q. This is a really weird thing to ask and talk about to me but how do you stop an "urge" to want to have sex. I went to my BF's house the other day and he said that he wanted to do something to make me happy and kept saying a bunch of other thi...
A. 2 June 2011: ok so you are barely 15 and he's barely 16
and you are engaging in activities that give you the urge to be more intimate with him and the feelings that NORMALLY arrive from these activities are scaring you...
I'm glad that you just don't want ... (read in full...)
Why does this discharge keep coming back? I take the medication that the doctors give me!
Q. Hi i am a 22yr old female and i've been treating the same vaginal discharge for the past three months,i don't know what wrong it doesn't get better.the doctors call it a yeast infection,candidasis or PVD And i take the medication correctly but it ...
A. 2 June 2011: you might not be doing anything wrong. but you need to talk to the doctor... are you seeing the same doctor for this all the time?
maybe go over the medications you have taken... what tests have you had.
Treating for yeast when it's ... (read in full...)
Do you think its ok to have a couple's profile on Facebook and for me and my BF to share it together?
Q. My boyfriend made the suggestion last night that we delete both of our facebook profiles and create a new one that is a couples profile and share it together that way the people that add us or that are real true friends will not have a problem ...
A. 2 June 2011: i would not delete the other profiles but you could create a third couples profile.
sounds to me like he's not totally trusting of your friends..... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 2 June 2011: I agree with K C 100 truthfully I'm 51 I have an almost 19 yr old daughter a 27 yr old son and a 24 year old son.
There is no need to yell at us (use CAPS) just because we did not give you the info or support you wanted/needed.
17 is a har... (read in full...)
Will he leave his wife and get a divorce?
Q. I really need your advice! I have been with a guy going on 5 years but the problem is he is married. It all started when he came up to me one day at work becuase he said I looked sad and when I told him I had just broken up with my past bf, he ...
A. 2 June 2011: He is not going to leave his wife
he is not going to marry you
love should be unconditional....
you have to do the hardest thing in your life, you have to leave a man you love. it's never going to be a healthy relationship.... (read in full...)
Husband left me for another woman. Is it just a rebound?
Q. My husband left me three months ago for a much younger woman (he is 32, she is 21). I am devastated, we have four children together and it is heartybreaking that every other weekend they are staying at her house. (he moved straight in with her!). He ...
A. 2 June 2011: well then you tell them the right things. this has to be incredibly difficult and painful for you. ... (read in full...)
His comment about my weight were rude and uncalled for, what should I say to him?
Q. I've been dating my bf long distance for almost 15mths now. Since I've met him, I've gained about 10-15lbs. Two nights ago, we were texting and I mentioned that I had started a new workout the day before and my body was achy because it was s...
A. 1 June 2011: oh yes i agree he meant it as a joke.... doesn't change that he said it and it hurt.... ... (read in full...)
How can I stop this "urge"?
Q. This is a really weird thing to ask and talk about to me but how do you stop an "urge" to want to have sex. I went to my BF's house the other day and he said that he wanted to do something to make me happy and kept saying a bunch of other thi...
A. 1 June 2011: because if you are 13-15 and your boyfriend is older I need to know now to tailor my answer.
if you have been together 2 weeks vs 2 months it makes a difference
and i'd sort of like to know what the bf did...
having him NOT do it or n... (read in full...)
Husband left me for another woman. Is it just a rebound?
Q. My husband left me three months ago for a much younger woman (he is 32, she is 21). I am devastated, we have four children together and it is heartybreaking that every other weekend they are staying at her house. (he moved straight in with her!). He ...
A. 1 June 2011: well my understanding is that a rebound relationship is one that starts AFTER a relationship/marriage breaks up. that is not the case here. he left FOR HER.
there is no way we can predict if their relationship will last... I can't imagin... (read in full...)
I Love My Man but I Am Not Ready for this Baby Now
Q. Hi 23 I'm seeing this guy who is 31. I've known him for over a year but only started dating about 3 months ago, I'm now about 3 weeks pregnant with his child, he had 2 kids whom, he doesn't know if they are alive since where they lived was hit by a...
A. 1 June 2011: so you don't want this baby... that's ok
is abortion an option for you?
if so Have one.
then get yourself on some GOOD birth control or stop having sex with him so you don't get pregnant again.... (read in full...)
I am obese and therefore have very low self esteem and self confidence...what should I do?
Q. Hello I am a 25 year old guy. I am about 5'8" tall and weight around 220lbs. By medical standards that is obese! Probably the first thing that you will tell me is "lose weight!" well, I should and I am trying right now. However, I feel very u...
A. 1 June 2011: i personally am attracted to beefy guys... not muscular but guys with a little extra weight on them.... (read in full...)
How can I stop this "urge"?
Q. This is a really weird thing to ask and talk about to me but how do you stop an "urge" to want to have sex. I went to my BF's house the other day and he said that he wanted to do something to make me happy and kept saying a bunch of other thi...
A. 1 June 2011: how old are you?
how old is your boyfriend
how long have you been together?... (read in full...)
Online he says he loves me but he won't meet me
Q. i meet a 26 year old guy on a dating site and we started talking on the phone alot his was perfect he made me feel so special..he is the first men in my life that made me feel good about myself.He would tell me me that he likes me and that he was ...
A. 1 June 2011: sounds to me like he is not being totally truthful about his situation... most people that meet online and get into "relationships' want to progress to the next level which is face time... him not wanting to is a big red flag...... (read in full...)
His comment about my weight were rude and uncalled for, what should I say to him?
Q. I've been dating my bf long distance for almost 15mths now. Since I've met him, I've gained about 10-15lbs. Two nights ago, we were texting and I mentioned that I had started a new workout the day before and my body was achy because it was s...
A. 1 June 2011: would you rather him pretend that your body is perfect the way it is?
I mean you yourself have acknowledged that you need to lose weight.
my body is far from perfect. I've lost a lot of weight and have a lot of bad skin issues. I make comments ... (read in full...)
If I'm just seeing him, can I still go on this holiday and kiss other guys?
Q. What would you say if a girl you had just started seeing say for about a week, told you she was going on this kind of holiday. And you knew that she will probably get with guys when she's out there.. would you end it or stay with her? Because I...
A. 1 June 2011: well you've only been dating a week so it's not exclusive yet or it should not be...
and you don't KNOW that you are going to kiss any other boys do you?
Not sure it should even be an issue at this point.... (read in full...)
My period is late, but I've never had sex before. What is going on??
Q. Alright. I'm 18 and a virgin but I haven't had a period in over 2 months. I'm not sure what's going on and I'm really afraid. I called my mom and asked her about it but she was no help as usual. I know I can't be pregnant because as I said... I'm a ...
A. 1 June 2011: could me a lot of things
body weight... too low and you won't menstruate
stress
hormonal imbalance
it's very common to skip a period or two
now the big question
are you seeing a boy/man? do you have necking/petting sessions
have t... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 1 June 2011: I'm a parent. I was a 17 year old girl and I don't think they had sex.
I think you are looking for a way to punish your daughter. you even said
"A female's opinion would be even better as long as she doesnt sound like she is defending my dau... (read in full...)
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