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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 6 June 2011: Your arguments are not quite up to snuff sir.
In the state i live in there is no curfew for under 18. never has been. there are driving curfews but that's not the same thing.
Since I do not know what state you live in I cannot comment o... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 3 June 2011: I never said you punished her why are you constantly defending yourself about that?
The statement I made was the assumption that if you are this upset about this event that the parenting of your child has been this strict and controlling ... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 3 June 2011: Or maybe she knows that your behavior, OP is a bit over the top and a bit too controlling for someone who in less than a year is going to legally be an adult?
Again she is 17 and the hardest thing we do as parents is give our kids wings. it's eas... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 2 June 2011: nothing for me to say now Tisha-1 said it all beautifully. please listen to what she said...... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 2 June 2011: you are right SHE SHOULD have CHECKED with you and she did not.
I would be concerned about that... more so than the sex that probably did not happen. I would also mention lightly to her friend's parents that you take your responsibility as a par... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 2 June 2011: I agree with K C 100 truthfully I'm 51 I have an almost 19 yr old daughter a 27 yr old son and a 24 year old son.
There is no need to yell at us (use CAPS) just because we did not give you the info or support you wanted/needed.
17 is a har... (read in full...)
Did my daughter have sex while she was visiting a friend? Or am I over-exaggerating things?
Q. I am a father to a 17 year old girl. A little over a month ago i gave her permission to stay at her friend's house during Easter recess. She DID go, because i called one day and spoke to her mom who then passed the phone. Fine. I was proud of her. ...
A. 1 June 2011: I'm a parent. I was a 17 year old girl and I don't think they had sex.
I think you are looking for a way to punish your daughter. you even said
"A female's opinion would be even better as long as she doesnt sound like she is defending my dau... (read in full...)
Why did he disappear after I finally agreed to go on a date with him?
Q. Dear Cupid A guy who was 7 younger than me was asking me out for the past few weeks, i couldnt accept since i thought we might not have any future. He was keep on pertering me and 2 days back i kind of said ok. After that i didnt hear from him at...
A. 1 June 2011: ah an open ended thing... yeah sometimes it's just a question of he wanted to get you to say yes as a matter of pride now that he "won" the chase there is no fun in it.
but i could be wrong... maybe something happened to him and he's sick or ... (read in full...)
Why did he disappear after I finally agreed to go on a date with him?
Q. Dear Cupid A guy who was 7 younger than me was asking me out for the past few weeks, i couldnt accept since i thought we might not have any future. He was keep on pertering me and 2 days back i kind of said ok. After that i didnt hear from him at...
A. 1 June 2011: so he asked you out without a specific date and time?
... (read in full...)
Do all virgins bleed? My boyfriend is now doubting that I'm wasnt a virgin because I didnt bleed!
Q. I am 20 and had my first sex with my boyfriend, but my boyfriend doubt that I was not a virgin just because I didnt bleed.. Do all virgins bleed??? has my virgnity gone because I used toys before I has sex with my boyfriend??...
A. 1 June 2011: nope not all virgins bleed. you have to tear the hymen to bleed and if it tore as a child (from activity such as horseback riding, running, tree climbing) or from tampon or toy use, you will not bleed.... (read in full...)
Should I pursue him even though he is in a relationship?
Q. I think i seriously need help, i'm in love with this guy but he has a girlfriend but we are really really close. it all started last year with a text, he and his girlfriend was still new at that time. after countless texting and hanging out with him ...
A. 1 June 2011: not pursue him.
it's not cool to try to steal someone's man away even if he's receptive to it.
besides then you would worry throughout your entire relationship that someone was doing the same to you.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend stayed out for the night and told me she had to share a bed with another man! This is unacceptable to me. What does everyone else think?
Q. My partner went on a night out with her work mates and missed the late train back. See was with two females and 1 male - so they got a family room at a hotel. When she got back the next morning she told me she had to share a bed with the male...
A. 1 June 2011: as usual I agree 100% with chigirl!... (read in full...)
It's been over a year and my heart still hasn't healed...
Q. I really need help its been one year in a half that ive been broked up with my ex I am suffering for him still I cry alot over him its just hard to forget about him why?what can I do?is it love?omg im confused I cant be happy with other guys because ...
A. 1 June 2011: it's so hard when you love someone and they don't love you.
can you see a counselor?... (read in full...)
My cousin is going to blackmail me unless I do sexual things with her, and she's only 13!
Q. help cupids! im in a really BAD situation. basically, my cousin is blackmailing me for not doing sexual things with her. let me explain. my cousin admitted to me she loves me (though previously, i think she just adored me and now i know its jus...
A. 1 June 2011: Call her bluff
go to her parents and tell them that she's threatening this
... (read in full...)
Would my girl friend want to be with me more if I posed nude for her? Is this a good idea?
Q. I'm a guy. Would posing nude for my girl friend bring us closer? I want to pose nude for my girlfriend of a year. We aren't very intimate now, as we were, and I want to bring back our regular intimacy. Would this make her want to be with me more...
A. 1 June 2011: I can't see how posing nude for anyone in a relationship would make it better or bring you closer.
do you guys live together?
i need more details.... (read in full...)
Should cuddles only be reserved for your lover?
Q. Aren't cuddles just meant for your lover as it's an initmate thing, what do you think of this, is the action of cuddling friends accpetable? (I don't cuddle my friends nor my family as I find it werid)...
A. 1 June 2011: I will hug my friends both male and female
i kiss my family and friends hello and goodbye...
i only cuddle with my under age children or my partner... ... (read in full...)
We haven't spoken in months, but he has kept me very much a part of his life. What does he want?
Q. My ex and I were together for 3 years and 8 months. Most of the time our relationship seemed nearly perfect except for the fact that we lived an hour away from each other. We both have children. My daughter lives with me and he likes to spend alot ...
A. 1 June 2011: why not ask him these questions.... (read in full...)
He wants a break but not a breakup?
Q. At the beginning of the conversation we had, he emphasized that he did not want us to break up completely. He has communication problems and I have issues with selfishness that I need to work on. He never would tell me when he was upset with me and ...
A. 1 June 2011: I'm not a big believer in "breaks" I never find they work.
either you are together or you are not.... (read in full...)
What she is telling me and what I have found online doesn't add up, how do I know if she is telling the truth?
Q. my wife is abroad for about 2 and a half years. i don't know if she is telling truth or not that she is not having sex with another man. i hacked her yahoo and facebook id. i found many mans ids and their reaction was not positive. how can i know ...
A. 1 June 2011: I agree with blonde30s you need to talk to your wife about what you found.
what made you hack her accounts.. was there a reason you did not trust her to begin with?
2 and a half years is a long time to be apart... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and infatuated with a thirtysomething guy. What should I do about it?
Q. For years now there is this guy who i have loved and every time i see him i love him but (theres always a but) i personally don't know him and he is older (much older) than me. I am 15 years old and he is i would say 30+...He works in this sh...
A. 1 June 2011: You should not do anything. You have a crush. It's hard to get past this type of thing but it will happen.
make friends your own age. You cannot have any sort of a relationship with this older man while you are under age.
... (read in full...)
3 weeks later and still not over him...
Q. hey, me and my partner split up about 3 weeks ago and he has already moved on, we split due to rumours of me cheating, when in the end found out he was the one cheating. althought he cheated on me and has hurt me so much by getting with som...
A. 1 June 2011: my girlfriends and I always had a 6 week rule.
you can have 6 weeks after a break up to wallow in misery then life has to go on...
what i found helps me is to write write write. I write letters I never send Journal entries I never post, emai... (read in full...)
Its stupid to say I'm sorry when I'm wrong!
Q. Why do people say I'm mean because I dont apologize and feel bad when Im wrong? I talk to them after a little while so shouldnt they know Im over it and they should be happy I talk to them again? Why all the drama and stuff? It's stupid. Why they ...
A. 31 May 2011: something i learned late in life
saying your sorry when you are wrong is important
saying your sorry even if you think you are right is also important.
"i'm sorry i hurt your feelings" means just that..
does not mean you are wea... (read in full...)
I am only attracted to older men
Q. Hi. I am only attracted to older men and that's not an exaggeration. For an attraction to be there there has to be a mature age (40-50). I have tried going out with guys my own age and I just was never turned on or excited by them. If I am with an ...
A. 30 May 2011: there's nothing wrong with being attracted to older men. I prefer men in their late 30s early 40s to my 51!... (read in full...)
I love (?) my best friends older brother. There, I said it. With a 5 year difference, I don't stand a chance with him, do I?
Q. So I've lived next door to the "smiths" for 5 years (summer before 5th grade) and the two daughters Hannah (15) and Lydia (17) are my best friends ever and their younger brother Eli (13 but pretty mature) is also a good friend of mine too, anyways, ...
A. 30 May 2011: OH how frustrating for you.
Everything Chigirl said is right.
IN addition, I am sure if someone asked him what he thinks of you it's going to be along the lines of "my kid sister's friend" and that's going to be a very hard role to switch f... (read in full...)
We don't see each other much, he hates to text, but when we're together, it's great! What to do...?
Q. okay so this guy i have been dating for just about two weeks tomorrow (i know not a long time) but usually for me it's really easy for me to be with any guy. But this guys is so difficult! I don't get to see him everyday, I see him at church on ...
A. 29 May 2011: oh i get that... we live two hours apart... lots of time is on the phone and such... (read in full...)
Please help me get my lover back!
Q. I am married with 2 teenage children. For the last 3 years I have been having an affair with. Beautiful woman 20 years younger - I'm 44. This woman is the most amazing person Ive ever met. She turns heads were ever she goes, her personality shines ...
A. 28 May 2011: If you must have the lover, then you must leave your wife.
that would be the first step.
if you are willing to do that we can discuss the second step.... (read in full...)
Older boyfriend doesn't call me when he's away
Q. Am 22years old my boyfriend iz twice my age he iz 48 despite differents of ages I love him regardleSs and we been living together for about ayear now but what worries me is that he doesn't believe if I love him and when him travels he doesn't call ...
A. 28 May 2011: the age gap is not the concern here. the issue is that he does not have enough self-esteem to know you love him and that he is not communicating with you enough for your needs when he travels.
IF he travels frequently you will need to discuss ... (read in full...)
My bf is getting too rough in bed. What does it mean and what do I do about it?
Q. Me and my bf have always been rough in bed. I do anal and gag and stuff and we both like it. But these past few months it has got a little weird. He hurts me. He shoves his member down my throat and it is agonising. When i climax he covers my mouth ...
A. 28 May 2011: if you are not enjoying the rough play you need to stop it. IF he refuses to stop it or even hear your concerns, then he's not caring enough about you to warrant making the relationship work.
IF you enjoy it, but sometimes it gets out of hand ... (read in full...)
My bf breaks up with twice a month--and I am always the one crawling back to him to come back! How should I handle this??
Q. Does my boyfriend not love me or does he just like having control of the relationship? Ok so my boyfriend breaks up with me once a month sometimes twice . His reason are that I don't listen to him over little things that I don't think matter. ...
A. 28 May 2011: Personally I am not seeing what joy is in this relationship for you.
if he breaks up with you, I'd not beg him to come back. I'd not apologize.
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend punched me in testicles, so I punched her in the hip. Now for some reason, she won't talk to me. What do I do?
Q. I need your help. I'm 15 and my girlfriend's 14. We're in the same year and basically the other day we were in my house after school just chilling, we were having one of our fun little arguments but then we started toy fighting and I floored her and ...
A. 28 May 2011: I agree with You Wish. Especially since you KNEW it was an accident.
I hope you learned something and I hope she can forgive you... but lots of apologies are in order and NEVER raise your hand to her again.
Play fighting is done because you... (read in full...)
When a man says I love you first
Q. Been seeing this man for 7 months, I always knew he had feelings for me but never knew how much until he told me a week ago. He told me he loved me and he wanted to me to have his baby. I was shocked by this, I had no idea he felt this way. He ...
A. 28 May 2011: every man is different.
you need to ask him.... which I know is very hard to do... but men are not mind readers and you need to let him know what you are thinking and wanting...... (read in full...)
I don't believe a word he says but I still love him
Q. I need help!!! I have been datin my bf for one year now, 2 months ago i checkd his fone randomly n saw his bbm chats wif some chic n she was talkin about takin pills n being careful n he was saying he ddnt want to be a father, meanin they had sex, ...
A. 28 May 2011: the lack of trust will eat at you and the relationship... i find that trust is one of the most important aspects of any relationship.... (read in full...)
My husband want to take a break from our rocky marriage by having sex with other women! And he says people do this all the time!!
Q. hey. im 25 years old and married. ive known my husband for 10 years, dating for 5, married for 3. we are going through a rocky patch. my husband has suggested we split for a week or two and have sex with someone else. i am worried though that he ...
A. 28 May 2011: thanks for the follow up! Glad to hear you are seeking help. I hope it all works out for you both!... (read in full...)
How do I stop hating her?
Q. I used to have a "thing" with a guy. That ended a while ago then he got a girlfriend who lives in the same town as him. He lives hours away from me. So, he's been with her nearly two years but for nearly a year and a half of that he's been coming on ...
A. 27 May 2011: good for you for saying no
you're a potential booty call to him
you're jealous of a woman who has no clue her boyfriend is a lying cheater... she's happy because she's clueless....
how would you feel if you loved someone and you though... (read in full...)
After asking me if I had an STD he called me a ho and untrustworthy, but I still really like him. Should I talk to him again?
Q. i have always had bad luck with the dating thing, until i went to college i met the guy of my dreams, i wanted him so bad. So one day he hit me up and gave me his number and i was so happy, we started texting daily and hanging out and then we ...
A. 27 May 2011: I would not talk to a man who called me a ho/whore....or a liar... who accused me of having an STD?
why bother with someone who has so little respect for you?
can you list all the reasons you like him... all the things he does to support you,... (read in full...)
Is there a place you can touch that turns a girl on?
Q. is there a certain place of a girls body where a guy can touch to turn a girl on? i heard that if you touch a girls thigh or ear they get turned on is there such a place you can touch that turns a girl on?...
A. 27 May 2011: depends on the girl and depends (at least for me on how I feel about the man doing the touching..if i care deeply about him then sometimes all he has to do is touch me with a look...
if i don't like him much and a man touches me in that "special... (read in full...)
We don't see each other much, he hates to text, but when we're together, it's great! What to do...?
Q. okay so this guy i have been dating for just about two weeks tomorrow (i know not a long time) but usually for me it's really easy for me to be with any guy. But this guys is so difficult! I don't get to see him everyday, I see him at church on ...
A. 27 May 2011: maybe he just does not like to text. my bf does not like text but we are great together.
stop over thinking this. just be with it and enjoy it.... (read in full...)
I think I should go with the one I can see every day, yet I don't want to hurt the one I met online. What should I do?
Q. I like two girls but one (15) lives in the South West of London, and the other (17) Lives in the South East with me, I can see her more of less everyday, the one on the internet and I are close yet we don't really have a lot in common. yet with the ...
A. 27 May 2011: what kind of anxiety issues?
everyone is anxious about some things.
is she in treatment?
on medication?
can she tell you what makes her anxious?... (read in full...)
No sex after having a baby....
Q. My gf and me have been in a relationship for about 7 years. we live together and have a 10 months old boy. everything is great except that we have had sex once this year. I would like to have sex 3-4 time a week, at least. not 1 time in 5 months. ...
A. 27 May 2011: ok she's got a needy 10 month old that's breastfeeding.
when i had little kids like that i was "touched out" at the end of the day...
i remember my then hubby coming home and going to hug me and I said "you may touch me above the shoulders or... (read in full...)
What can I do to get close to him?
Q. I don't know if I should call him... every time I call him to ask him to hang out he says his busy... last night I called and he said he would call back... however he never did. I feel like calling him almost everyday is going to get him annoyed.. ...
A. 27 May 2011: If you have called him and asked him to hang out several times and he keeps saying no, and he does not call you back, he is telling you loud and clear where you fit in his life.
Sadly he's telling you he's not interested.
you need to hear wha... (read in full...)
Is an underware picture a good conversation starter?
Q. I like this guy and we have sent each other pics naked but our faces are not in them and we trust each other, but we stopped and are our conversations are getting dull, I want to know if I should send him a pic of me trying on underwear asking him ...
A. 27 May 2011: if you trust him why didn't you send him a picture of you naked with your face?
do you even KNOW this person? have you met them in real life?
if you have sent naked pictures and have nothing to discuss i doubt there is much of a rel... (read in full...)
I'm paranoid because he turns round suddenly at a short skirt!
Q. I nudged my boyfriend for looking round quickly at a very pretty woman in a short skirt. I notice he looks round at blonde women in short skirts a lot and its embarrassing. I'm slim.and attractive and not insecure but every time I gently nudge him ...
A. 27 May 2011: gawd does he point them out and tell you the parts of them he likes? NO? luck you. my bf window shops whenever we are out... and comments on them. I have asked him not to comment when we are on formal dates and he has agreed...
it's disconce... (read in full...)
Wasting my time on another dead end relationship?
Q. Hello, I've been seeing this guy for nearly 4 months now. I really like him. He lives about 40 mins away from me and I don't drive and have a little girl of 4, so most of the time he travels to me. He was really keen to start, he has asked me for e...
A. 27 May 2011: never ever fall in love with a man's potential. sounds to me like he lets you down more than he doesn't.... (read in full...)
Is honesty really the way to go with men?
Q. Hi guys, I have a silly situation which many of you will tell me to snap out of, but here goes: After my breakup I began rebounding with a guy I had met a few months before. We started sleeping together and as he was only the second guy I had...
A. 27 May 2011: I think being honest is the right way to go... short term heartbreak is easier to deal with than the stuff that comes from long term involvements that are based on hope and prayer... (read in full...)
Help me please my husband! I need sex tips and ideas for his homecoming too.
Q. well my husband left for 3 weeks to help with some volunteer red cross work in japan. hes coming home in about week and id like to surprise him by doing something sexy and fun. i also wanna try and use this night as a way to tell him im ready for ...
A. 27 May 2011: don't go OUT to dinner
have it sent in... eat at home... more intimate
a cute green nightie or shortie baby doll might intrigue him.
do you give him blow jobs? most men love them...
as for new positions... doggy style is good... or
... (read in full...)
If I am going to break up with my husband what things do I need to consider?
Q. If I am going to break up with my husband. What things do I need to consider? I think I have enough reasons to do it. Do I have to go to a councillor before I can see a divorce lawyer? I am not sure how this works. Why do I think I have enough r...
A. 27 May 2011: see a lawyer first.
a counselor is a great idea for you just to learn how to cope with this huge change.
and each day eventually will get better.... (read in full...)
Do you think he is using me?
Q. Hi I'm a 23 yr old woman iv been with my boyfriend for almost 3months he never calls me unless I ring him,he hardly texts too. Three weeks ago I tried ringin him contiously as he did not pick up my calls and rhe next mornin he dumped me. When I m...
A. 27 May 2011: If you have his baby you are tied to him for life.
IF you are not against abortions I'd have one
AND I'd never speak to him again. he's a jerk.... (read in full...)
My husband want to take a break from our rocky marriage by having sex with other women! And he says people do this all the time!!
Q. hey. im 25 years old and married. ive known my husband for 10 years, dating for 5, married for 3. we are going through a rocky patch. my husband has suggested we split for a week or two and have sex with someone else. i am worried though that he ...
A. 11 May 2011: as my dear deceased mom would say "what a crock of shit"
no couples DO NOT do this all the time.
I came from an open marriage. I had permission to have relationships with others.... i now am in a monogamous relationship by choice
do Y... (read in full...)
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