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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Do you think he is using me?
Q. Hi I'm a 23 yr old woman iv been with my boyfriend for almost 3months he never calls me unless I ring him,he hardly texts too. Three weeks ago I tried ringin him contiously as he did not pick up my calls and rhe next mornin he dumped me. When I m...
A. 27 May 2011: If you have his baby you are tied to him for life.
IF you are not against abortions I'd have one
AND I'd never speak to him again. he's a jerk.... (read in full...)
Why do I feel like I've been cursed?
Q. Why does this keep happening to me? what is wrong with me? I can't keep anything down:( I feel so depressed, frustrated and extremely stressed out. I've been looking for a job for 3years now no luck..I've been on numbers on interviews wh...
A. 27 May 2011: Have you discussed with the doctor that you may need some sort of treatment for your depression?
It's possible you have a chemical imbalance in the brain that's causing some of these feelings. Medication may help.
... (read in full...)
Should I try making up with him or at this point is he even worth it?
Q. I personally think he was always more after my looks than liking me for my personality. When we first started dating things were good! However at times before we were dating he'd act protective and controlling. He'd say he wish I wouldn't post some ...
A. 27 May 2011: Personally I would not try.
Life is too short to have to work SO hard at relationships.
Yes they are work but not HARD work. and not this early on... (read in full...)
Sex with him leaves me unsatisfied.
Q. I came to my current partner as a virgin although, I had experienced oral sex before with my ex of four years. I didn't want to have sex with my partner but it happened anyway and after a while, I learned to like it. But now, I don't feel the same. ...
A. 27 May 2011: I agree you need to talk to him about it.
It's hard I know. I'm in a similar position with my current partner.. and I pointed out to him that blow jobs are NOT foreplay... and he said to me "then TEACH me how to please you"
talk to your ... (read in full...)
Feel so guilty for ignoring her...
Q. Hi, I cut this woman out of my life some time ago. I did it only after a long effort of trying to talk to her to reach a common understanding. And I did it only after a long period of deliberation and only after I was convinced that she was lying to...
A. 27 May 2011: you should never feel guilty for taking care of yourself.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my family his real age or wait until they get to know him better?
Q. I've been with my bf for a couple weeks and we've been talking for about a month and a half. But theres a big age diffrence and it doesn't bother me but my family is having a get together in a couple weeks and I invited him to come. He's 18 and I'm ...
A. 27 May 2011: and it's your life... it's not even their business his age...
it's a tiny gap to be honest...
try telling your dad your bf is 14 years younger than you...
(yes so when I was 22 he was 8/9 years old but now at 51 and 37/38 it's not that b... (read in full...)
I think I'm more into my BF than he is into me. Should I just back off?
Q. I have invested my heart and fallen in love with my boyfriend of five months. He also says he loves me. But I am always anxious. He is a musician and left on tour two weeks ago. He wanted to stay together and he's been calling every day. Troub...
A. 27 May 2011: I don't see cheating either.
I see a man who is busy with work and focused on work
I see a woman who is insecure and nervous about this.
Personally I'd let him have some space... when will he be home?... (read in full...)
My conservative wife wears low-cut tops that show her bra?
Q. OK, this is going to sound odd, because I certainly find it odd. My wife is in her 40s. She has always been very decorous. Serious professional, dedicated mother, married for 20+ years. A virgin when we got together. Very conservative sex...
A. 27 May 2011: I find it a bit odd myself I'm 51 now so I grew up in the 70s HOT PANTS, MINI SKIRTS TUBE TOPS etc.
but NEVER EVER did we show our under-garments.
now bras and panties showing are perfectly acceptable. but I still strive not to do it...
H... (read in full...)
How do I deal with being unable to see my boyfriend??
Q. i haven't seen my boyfriend for 2 months because he fell out with his family and went to other relatives for a while. we called each other every day and i think it was ok but now hes moved closer to his aunty's and he has to go on a police tag ...
A. 27 May 2011: I get totally missing your boyfriend, mine lives 2 hours away by car and when we can't be together we are miserable.
I"m a bit concerned about this "police tag" for your bf... will he go to court or is this the punishment phase for his bad beha... (read in full...)
My wife has gotten so fat, I can barely have sex with her!
Q. When I married my wife she was smoking hot. I would say an LA "8". Everywhere we went cars honked at her, I couldn't take a piss w/o a guy taking my barstool and taking his shot. Even women hit on her So we got married. As the years ticked by ...
A. 27 May 2011: I agree with the last poster... I'd like to see a list of ALL the THINGS you love about your wife not related to her smoking hot figure.... (read in full...)
Could my wife be falling for her attorney?
Q. My wife hired a new attorney in December based on a recommendation from a friend to help her setup a company. The first time she met him she came home and told me how young he looked (even though he's not too much younger than she is) and that he ...
A. 27 May 2011: oh dear.. I'm so sorry... I've BTDT on both sides.. as the spouse being lied to I looked the other way and accepted it.
as the spouse doing the lying I felt a bit of guilt but not nearly as much as I should have.
Personally unless she is pl... (read in full...)
I'm not asking you to choose for me between these girls, I just would like to know what I should be asking or thinking about!
Q. okay so I really like these two girls both have great personalities and both seem to like me so here is a little info about them. girl 1: we've know each other for 2-3 years. i asked her out when we first met and she said she wasent intereste...
A. 27 May 2011: @lysha
there is a big huge difference between telling someone you are NOT seeing others and doing it behind their back and being UPFRONT and telling them that you are NOT ready to settle down and make a commitment to someone.
I mean after all, ... (read in full...)
Husband has bars on credit card statement but says credit card company made a mistake
Q. recently my husband's credit care statement had three different charges for well known bars in the city. not restaurants, but just bars. And not cheap either. each was a week night. We never go out during the week. We both work in different parts of ...
A. 27 May 2011: I'm glad you are going to counseling
I'm in total agreement with you that it's not the ACTIONS that are the problems it's the LIES and that begats lack of TRUST and trust is critical... (read in full...)
Is this new amazing boss showing signs of liking me?
Q. I've worked in a organization for about 3 years, and we got a new boss about 4 months ago. She set up a one on one meet and great with everyone, most peoples meetings lasted 20 minutes, whilst mine lasted 3 hours and we got to know each other ...
A. 26 May 2011: Dating the boss is never a good idea
she may just be friendly.... it may be nothing...
... (read in full...)
Do you think it would be ok for me to meet up with him, even though I don't know what is happening with the other guy yet?
Q. I'm not sure what to do. I was seeing a guy recently, but i'm not sure what is going on with us at the moment. We have only been on a few dates, so i'm not sure that you could say that we are in a relationship yet, but neither of us has said that we ...
A. 26 May 2011: DATING is not going steady
DATING is not being engaged
DATING means you go out on DATES... you are not exclusive with the other guy so why not?
... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid about money, or is he just using me?
Q. help iv been dating dis guy for the last 6 months..i told him right in the beginning that i wanted to split everything 50/50. he seemed happy about it..but i realized now that i'm slowly ending up being the one that pays most of the bills......
A. 26 May 2011: next time he asks "are you paying for this?" you smile sweetly and say "nope it's YOUR turn"
... (read in full...)
Why would he tell me about his vasectomy. Is that not too personal?
Q. Why would a married man in a relationship have a vasectomy and then tell me about it. I have been working with a professional guy and he had his kids a little later in life (40's). He has a much younger wife. A strong attraction grow between u...
A. 26 May 2011: possibly he's much like my boyfriend who has "no filter' and will tell anyone anything about his life.... we are working on what's TMI and what's not.... (read in full...)
Can a woman give herself completely to a new love, despite having had many lovers in her past?
Q. I am 31 years old and dating this girl (27 3rd year surgical residency) which I absolutely love we are both very sexual beings. The problem is that we have different views on sexuality, even though she says that we don't. I have only had one sexual ...
A. 26 May 2011: you asked:
"Can a woman give herself completely with all of this baggage to a new love and still have a friendly relationship with her old loves??"
and at least for me the answer is yes.... (read in full...)
Should I leave my marriage or tough it out?
Q. Hello, This is gonna be long. So if you don't have the time, you might want to click through this one, lol. My wife and I have been married for 12 years and together for 14 years or so. To start from the beginning, initially we got along...
A. 26 May 2011: you do your share of traveling on the weekends for your golf torneys right? how many weekends?
I do girl trips. I've done one 10 day trip a couple of weekends and many 4 or 5 day trips. always keep in touch with partner... never to meet men ... (read in full...)
I'm not asking you to choose for me between these girls, I just would like to know what I should be asking or thinking about!
Q. okay so I really like these two girls both have great personalities and both seem to like me so here is a little info about them. girl 1: we've know each other for 2-3 years. i asked her out when we first met and she said she wasent intereste...
A. 26 May 2011: is there a reason you can't date both?... (read in full...)
Could my wife be falling for her attorney?
Q. My wife hired a new attorney in December based on a recommendation from a friend to help her setup a company. The first time she met him she came home and told me how young he looked (even though he's not too much younger than she is) and that he ...
A. 26 May 2011: yep it's a crush alright.
but you need to watch your "looks gay" thing.
I told my hubby that I thought my boyfriend was gay and it was primarily to let him relax a bit while we spent time together.
You need to let her know you know about ... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend only wants oral.
Q. Ok so I have an ex-girlfriend, who is in her mid-20's and I am in my later 30's. We live 1,000 apart now. I was visiting the city she lives in and on her birthday we hooked up and then two days later we hooked up again. She wouldn't have se...
A. 26 May 2011: well "if we lived closer we would still be having sex" vs "if we lived closer we would still be dating/be a couple etc"
SEX... is just SEX
when I'm with a man I love we make love we don't have sex.... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to have my g/f want anal?
Q. My girlfriend since one year ago has had very many sexual partners and she is only 19 years old. (i am 20) People always say that it is a good thing because she is very sexual if she has been sleeping around, but she isnt. She only did it because ...
A. 26 May 2011: "how can I make my girlfriend want to [murder small kittens and puppies] or [have anal sex] or [give me blow jobs] or [rob a bank] ???"
YOU CAN'T!
why would you want to make her do something she does not want to do?
... (read in full...)
Should I Sue Her?
Q. Okay here is my previous post and question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-if-she-is-genuine-and-it-is.html My girlfriend and I have broken up now.I have spent more than 20k on her in the past 8 months. I bought her various gifts fr...
A. 26 May 2011: my thought is that your money is unrecoverable.
even if you get a court order for restitution you will have to get a garnishment of her wages to repay you... not easily done esp. if she opts to work "under the table" or not work at all.
I think... (read in full...)
Attached men visiting strip clubs?
Q. How to deal with a man who use to visit strip clubs when he was single!!My boyfriend was a strip club visitor when he was single. He tries explaining to me that he feels those were better places to hang out, have a beer and relax, than a normal bar. ...
A. 26 May 2011: why not go to the strip club with him? some of the best times I had were at strip clubs with other couples and my then husband.
He's just looking, there is NO touching of the women and they are certainly not going to get laid....
have you ever... (read in full...)
My aunt has been rude to me ever since I didn't have any bridesmaids for my wedding.
Q. Hi. I got married 7 months ago and because between my husband and I have lots of nieces and cousins we decided not to have bridesmaids as I would have ended up with 11! Which we couldn't afford to do. We didn't want to choose just a few of th...
A. 26 May 2011: Tell her that you no longer wish to discuss ANY wedding information with her and if she continues to DISRESPECT YOU that you will be forced to terminate your contact with her until such a time as she can comply with and respect your wishes and ... (read in full...)
Should I just not argue ever with him?
Q. I had an argument with my boyfriend and he told me he has enough stress to deal with from his ex wife, he didn’t want more from me and that I was starting to sound like her. So I should like never argue and always be agreeable just because he has ...
A. 26 May 2011: when I am 100% agreeable with my boyfriend he knows I'm pissed off at him.
Two people means two opinions... folks that are couples that never disagree or argue seem slightly phony to me... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend and I got into heated argument on the phone. Should I apologize?
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship on and off for about a year and a half! I really care for this person. He only lives about 4-5 hours away and I have yet to physically meet him. He's put me through so much emotional stresses so I never felt ...
A. 26 May 2011: after a year and a half and only being 4-5 hours apart and not having met, are you sure you want to invest so much time and energy into a relationship that currently actually only exists in your brains?
I see that you don't want to hurt him and ... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend only wants oral.
Q. Ok so I have an ex-girlfriend, who is in her mid-20's and I am in my later 30's. We live 1,000 apart now. I was visiting the city she lives in and on her birthday we hooked up and then two days later we hooked up again. She wouldn't have se...
A. 26 May 2011: yeah you're a booty call nothing more nothing less
she's seeing other guys
she won't sleep with you or go down on you but she lets you go down on her...
you are 1000 miles apart... is there a time frame for you two to be int he same city aga... (read in full...)
How can I convince her I'm not too young?
Q. I'm 17 nearly 18, and about 3 months ago I met a girl who is amazing, she looks young for her age so I thought she was about 19 but she is 23 which doesn't bother me but she says i'm too young. The frustrating thing is that I know she likes me and I ...
A. 26 May 2011: there is a huge difference between 17/18 and 23
there is less of a gap between 22/23 and 28
and as you get older and older the gap is less and less.
just continue to be her friend and show her how mature you are... maybe she will chang... (read in full...)
Is this insecure man testing me?
Q. Would an insecure man who constantly tests you go as far to tell you he is engaged and going to get married just to see your reaction? And would he then have a problem if you just replied and said she is a lucky girl and i hope it all works out for ...
A. 25 May 2011: that's not insecurity that's full blown game playing.
you don't need that crap.
"she's a lucky girl best of luck hope it all works out" is a perfect response.... nothing more is needed.... (read in full...)
Its just not working and I want to break up but I'm afraid he'll tear up my house
Q. I am a 29 yr old black female I've have been in a relationship for a year now my boyfriend doesnt want to have sex he say's it's because he doesn't want to get me pregnant, he has to work etc. If i try to make a move he turns on his stomach wow, ...
A. 25 May 2011: and you either own the house he's living in with you or your name is on the lease correct?
can you change the locks while he's at work and tell him that it's over?
if you are afraid for your life you could ask the police to help you...they ... (read in full...)
Is is ok for married people to be physically attracted to others?
Q. Is it acceptable or not for a married person to have sexual attractions to other people? I have been married to my wife for about 7 yrs. and she told me that although she is COMPLETELY happy with me sexually and I treat her right AND I give her ...
A. 25 May 2011: I always say "I'm married not dead"
and I tell my man who loves to look at pretty young things (when I'm much older than he is) that "I don't care where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.
Looking at
thinking about
f... (read in full...)
I've never dated anyone who looks like him before!
Q. My boyfriend is amazing. His personality is everything I've ever wished for, and he's tall and decent looking. Despite that, I usually don't fall for guys that look like him: mature with heavy features. I usually fall for cute guys with soft ...
A. 25 May 2011: yep you're overthinking.
just enjoy him for as long as it's good for both of you...
my current BF is NOT my type at all... he's short and thin and I like tall beefy guys...... (read in full...)
My cheating lover doesn't have time for me!
Q. Been having an affair: were both married. He's about to have his second child any day! He's been very distant lately: won't text or call. I asked him if I should leave him alone and he says no! I am having a hard time with the no communicating and ...
A. 25 May 2011: "how do I do this without hurting so much"
you don't. YOU HURT
and you walk away
he's focused on his wife and baby right now as he should be.
do not ask him if you should leave him alone of course he'll say no...
just do it.
... (read in full...)
Is my man with the wrong girl ME cause he cant fully commit
Q. hi cupid, just have to thank you for helping me everytime on this site, but just had a little thought, is my man with the right girl meaning ME, if he cant fully commit to me, i am on about being together as a proper couple with our kids we have ...
A. 25 May 2011: if you are LDR and over 25 and established in this world as an adult and he's not making a move to close the distance gap then perhaps he's not the right one for you
ONE of the things LDRs need to survive is an END date of when it will no longer b... (read in full...)
How can I get pregnant quickly?
Q. hi i am currently trying to conceive i would like some advice on the any quick ways to get pregnant? or anything i can do to get pregnant faster? i have been with my bf for 2years and have had one misscarraige before we have been trying again for...
A. 25 May 2011: and you want a baby with a boyfriend (NOT a husband) at your age why????
are you sure you are ovulating regularly?
does he have viable sperm in his ejaculate?
sex 1-3 days before ovulation and the day of ovulation should help.
ha... (read in full...)
Why is he hard in the morning? Soft during sex?
Q. Im 18 my partner is 41 and I notice that he has very hard morning erections but quite soft ones when we try to have sex. Is he not attracted to me? Is it age? Is it stress?...
A. 25 May 2011: Morning sex is better anyway.
Most men of any age have morning erections... it's called "Morning Glory" use it for all it's worth.
at 40 him being soft during sex could be
stress/nerves
drugs/alcohol
medical (high blood pressure or d... (read in full...)
I told him he could sleep with other girls while he was away, but it's killing me. Should I try to make it work when he gets back?
Q. I am writing this because I feel like I need an outside perspective on my situation. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now, I am 16, he is 19. In January, he left for China to teach for his gap year. Obviously this was going to be hard...
A. 25 May 2011: Yes you are realistic... and no it probably won't last
there is a big difference between 16 and 19 and not so much at 20 and 23.... and as you get older the gap will be smaller and smaller.
I'm nearly 14 years older than my partner and it's... (read in full...)
Will the day ever come for us to move in together as a family
Q. just a question to your great agony uncle and aunts who always helps me on here if i ever have a problem, just a thought, will i ever move in with my man of nearly 2 years, its LDR and we are fully committed see each other as often as we can, and we ...
A. 25 May 2011: oh please after 2 years of spending time together..they think of each other as Siblings I am sure... what's not to trust?
you give them rules and consequences and they will follow them.
After 2 years... it should be a done deal.
My LDR ... (read in full...)
Why is she so guarded now?
Q. My girlfriend of the past two months used to communicate everything to me, as I do with her about her, me, and us. It was the most amazing thing when we started dating to get to know this woman so openly and freely. But now she has backed off and ...
A. 25 May 2011: You don't say how old your GF is. that makes a difference to me...
Think of your relationship like a boat. YOU are in the front rowing the boat thinking she is sitting behind you in the back also rowing the boat. You're rowing really hard so ... (read in full...)
Husband has bars on credit card statement but says credit card company made a mistake
Q. recently my husband's credit care statement had three different charges for well known bars in the city. not restaurants, but just bars. And not cheap either. each was a week night. We never go out during the week. We both work in different parts of ...
A. 20 May 2011: the credit card company did not make a mistake your husband did. He's lying to you and you know it or you would not have posted... His defensive behavior when confronted says a lot.... (read in full...)
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