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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why is she so guarded now?
Q. My girlfriend of the past two months used to communicate everything to me, as I do with her about her, me, and us. It was the most amazing thing when we started dating to get to know this woman so openly and freely. But now she has backed off and ...
A. 25 May 2011: You don't say how old your GF is. that makes a difference to me...
Think of your relationship like a boat. YOU are in the front rowing the boat thinking she is sitting behind you in the back also rowing the boat. You're rowing really hard so ... (read in full...)
Why did he change his screen name to this girls name?
Q. Ok my boyfriend dumped me almost 2 month ago. I was in a LDR with him for 3 years and in real life we are perfect. Absolutely amazing. Last time I saw him was January and not long after I left he became depressed. He got really bad and lost ...
A. 25 May 2011: Stop wanting him. Easier said than done I know.
You are hurt and that sucks and I'm sorry. LDRs suck in general and when you are young they are worse.
This currently feels like the WORST thing that has ever happened in your life and I'm sor... (read in full...)
If your husband gave you permission to have sex with another guy on occasion, would you do it?
Q. If your husband gave you permission to have sex with another guy on occasion, would you do it? Can you think of people in the past you met during your marriage that you would have "done" if you had a "hall pass"? What is the option was one-sided: ...
A. 25 May 2011: I came from such a marriage.
NOTE I said CAME... yes that's right... my marriage is now over due to my "hall pass"
I was given permission to have a relationship with a man who lives 2 hours away that we both knew... how's that working?
well... (read in full...)
I want to be friends with my guy friends like we were before they got girlfriends!
Q. This situation is really upsetting to me. I'm a woman who has always gravitated to male friends. Having friends that I can share things and confide in is really important to me, and I need to have friends, but I feel that guys understand me and I ...
A. 24 May 2011: Both You Wish and Caring Guy make GREAT points.
"I don't have a princess complex, and I understand that I can't ALWAYS come first, but I NEVER come first. Every time one of my guy friends has a girlfriend, he always puts her first... every ti... (read in full...)
An ex-lover sent me a friend request on facebook...I am married-is it appropriate to accept?
Q. Is it okay to accept the friend request of an ex lover on facebook even if im married already?...
A. 24 May 2011: I am "friends" on facebook with my ex-husband but we rarely talk it's more for the kids (they are adults also) than anything...
does your spouse know about this? how does he feel about it?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is always breaking our plans for his friends, I'm sick of it and told him so. He hasn't listened. What do I do?
Q. My boyfriend for 1 year plus always abandoned me last minute for our dating to go out with his friends. This has happened several times like during count downs and even on christmas eve. I am sick of it... Told him several times and he is ...
A. 24 May 2011: what does he say when you tell him?
Are you willing to give him an ultimatum?
i.e. you tell him "boyfriend if you cancel plans on me again at the last minute to go out with your friends I am going to have to end our relationship"
... (read in full...)
Found naked pics of a guy on my wife's camera. I'm not sure how to handle this...
Q. My wife and I are married 4 years this summer. Everything seems to be great, my problem is something from the past. I just bought my wife a new laptop and digital camera last Christmas. Her old camera she had when we met and was about 5 or 6 yea...
A. 24 May 2011: A couple of thoughts here:
1. could the dates be wrong on the camera?
2. could a friend of her's borrowed the camera?
I had photos on a friend's camera done on Saturday the date was 2/11/02 when we moved them to another computer...
I... (read in full...)
B/f wants me to give up job to be with him
Q. Dear Aunts, I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 18 months now. We met online on facebook and started it out by being friends. I know it kinda makes no sense coz we live a world apart and never seen each other in person before. B...
A. 24 May 2011: do not give up your job!
DO NOT put all your hopes and dreams in this man who is so far away and you have not met...
after 18 months of ONLINE LDR you guys should have met at least a few times already....... (read in full...)
I do not want to live the rest of my life never being french kissed and having that closeness and intimacy!
Q. I am 29, and have been dating a 40 year old for a little over 6 months now, when we first got together, he joked all the time about sex, but never made a move. Said every other relationship he was in, he was in bed in the 1st week and he really ...
A. 24 May 2011: Honestly, intimacy and affection do NOT require penile penetration....
intimacy and affection include kissing and cuddling and hand holding and sex can be fingers and mouths and strap-ons or dildos and vibrators as needed...
IF a man who ... (read in full...)
Thank you for all the help!
Q. This is not a question just a big thank you to people who have helped me over here for the past few months. I came across this site through internet browsing, looking for the answers I needed with my relationship. I met a guy who i never thought wo...
A. 24 May 2011: we need a like button! :-)... (read in full...)
I feel I had an unnecessary abortion, how do I stop crying over this??
Q. Im an emotional wreck after having a termination 3 months ago. My boyfriend and i planned the pregnancy and he promised me he would step upto the mark, move into my place and that we would get married as soon as i got pregnant. I had no reason to...
A. 24 May 2011: I am so so sorry for your pain....... (read in full...)
He's 20 years younger than me, I think of him as a nephew, but he's showing too much attention to me
Q. a little advice im so confused i dont know what to do i have knowen this boy since i was in my twentys he was only a young boy then and as he become a teenager he did the usual harmless flirting im like his auntie but he is now an adult and when he ...
A. 24 May 2011: you need to nip this "crush" in the bud.
over and over make sure he knows you do not fancy him the way he would like.... (read in full...)
Was he offended by my height?
Q. I am an outgoing 27 year old female. I am 5 foot 4 1/2 and slender. I recently had a date with a guy and went to the river. I wore flip flops because of the rocks, he (6 foot 3) thought that I was taller (I wear heels a lot) Was he offended by my ...
A. 24 May 2011: i doubt it.... (read in full...)
He left me hanging without an explanation. How do I cope?
Q. I was dating a guy for two months, until he began avoiding me. He would take longer and longer to respond to my texts, and then he just stopped responding period. He hardly ever called me either. After he hadn't contacted me in two days, it ...
A. 24 May 2011: he is a coward and badly behaved and he let his mommy enable that
live well and get on with your life... (read in full...)
When do you stop listening to your heart?
Q. When should you stop listen to your heart?... I've fell for someone who I really don't know if was honest with me at least once!... I knew he wasn't giving me what I wanted (a relationship) and I kept seeing him, we were in a relationship for 3 ...
A. 24 May 2011: I have a three step approach
what does my head say
what does my heart say
what does my gut say
2 our of three wins... (read in full...)
He will not leave his girlfriend now or in the future for me!
Q. i've ben dating a man and i guess he knows i am his girl friend for the last 4 months but he told me he would not leave his other girl friend and she will remain his girlfriend in the future. How can i win him and want me to stay with him?...
A. 24 May 2011: there is nothing you can do. he is with her and you are just some fun on the side...... (read in full...)
Do porn stars really enjoy very hard core porn?
Q. I recently saw a porn that was very hardcore in my eyes, and was wondering if the women that star in the movies actually enjoy themselves. There was 5 men and one woman and they each did her anally, directly followed by orally till they cummed in ...
A. 24 May 2011: some days I like my JOB better than others.
it's her JOB....... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's adhd is causing problems in our relationship!
Q. my boyfriend had adhd as a child and does affect him as an adult in our relationship in that he fidgits alot and i need to tap him to remind him to keep still i tolerate it when we are going sleep, that he moves alot before he gets comfortable...
A. 24 May 2011: you really don't get ADHD. I was diagnosed with it in 1969 when it was still called Minimal Brain Dysfunction... sadly there is no medication I can take that helps me cope with it so over years and years I have learned coping techniques... ... (read in full...)
Guys : Girls what do you think of "the rules?"
Q. The Rules: do you ladies out there follow them? And men- does it work? Do you like a lady better of she ignores you until you call? I'm asking because I'm such an open book and I think I make it too easy for guys by being easy going and not pl...
A. 24 May 2011: never followed a rule and men dog after me hon. i read the book on the rules and I laughed. Please. I'm an open book... so is my man... if i don't tell him I love him and initiate physical contact he thinks i'm mad. now i do dress up for... (read in full...)
I Had Trouble Finishing During Sex, and I Don't Know Why.
Q. Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and I think that I was very nervous; throughout foreplay, my legs kept trembling, and eventually my whole body started to tremble a little, much like shivering. Once we had actually started...
A. 24 May 2011: oh yes it's possible that it's nerves.
what do you mean she is unable to have children????... (read in full...)
Husband being extra nice and hiding the cell..is he cheating?
Q. ive recently noticed my husband has been keeping his mobile out of my sight,by keeping it in his pocket,when before it was left anywhere around the house.at the weekend he did leave it in the bathroom,so i took a look but a password lock had been ...
A. 24 May 2011: sure sounds like it.... (read in full...)
What exactly does everyone consider cheating?
Q. Hi aunts, a question: whats really is cheating? When someone u are in relationship with chat with her ex but not tell u until u ask when u see received calls in her cellphone...
A. 24 May 2011: Cheating is anything you can't won't or don't tell your partner.
that can be ANYTHING.
for example: one partner has a drug problem and they are trying to get clean. they use one afternoon and don't tell. that's cheating.
... (read in full...)
I was unhappy about what I found on his phone and then he asked me to marry him!
Q. To be honest, I have been trying to stop my obsession with looking at my boyfriends text messages. I have problems trusting people and I explained that to him. Also I went about a year and a half to two years practically living on computer/text ...
A. 24 May 2011: I would NOT marry him.
4 months dating and he's asking other women for nudes and hiding it from you?
for me it's not the looking at other women it's the concealing the behavior.
if you want to continue to see him... do that... but if you... (read in full...)
Husband hired a sexy escort to work for him!
Q. I really need some advice as I am in shock and don't know which way to turn. I dropped by my husbands office (he is 43) recently as he left his phone at home and walked in to find him drooling from his desk at his new receptionist as she was walking ...
A. 24 May 2011: Ok so he hired a woman to give her a chance and YOU feel threatened by her.
is your feeling based on your insecurity of your own attractiveness? is it based on the fact that your husband has had affairs or cheated on you in the past? is it based... (read in full...)
Is it wishful thinking that he likes me? Or could it be reality?
Q. dear readers i need help i know you probably get questions like this all the time...im falling for this guy and im unsure if he likes me back...can any one shed some light on my situation? okay the background.. i met him 5 weeks ago, i only se...
A. 24 May 2011: do you guys live close? how often could you see each other face to face?
if he's a flirt it's hard to tell if you can't spend time together if he really likes you or not...... (read in full...)
How do you know when you're ready to move in with your girl/boyfriend?
Q. How long do couples date usually before moving in together?...
A. 24 May 2011: there is no set time. once you are finding you are spending more time together than apart, you can start talking about it. ... (read in full...)
He broke up because he's worried I'll cheat on him!
Q. I and him broke up 1 months ago. In that time I think very carefully and figured out that he is the love of my life. But after I stopped contact him one week then he called me last saturday but then after 30 minute talking very nice, he asked me ...
A. 24 May 2011: Normally here in America an engagement ring is a gift and is not returned at the breaking of an engagement... unless it's a family heirloom... which does not seem to be the case here. If he's with a "juicy girl" then he's not being faithful ... (read in full...)
How can I get over my paranoid fear that my bf might be talking to this other girl? Should I take one last look at his phone?
Q. Due to past relationships, it took me around 10 months to trust my boyfriend fully. I was on his phone the other day, I was using the internet to check my bank account when I found myself on his facebook. I'm not usually one to snoop, but after a ...
A. 24 May 2011: sounds like he's playing you both off each other. you can't get over it. snooping got you info that now leads to lack of trust. TRUST is the most critical thing in a relationship... if you think he's messaging behind your back he might a... (read in full...)
Why does he text me if he isn't going to reply back?
Q. I don't understand this, why would a guy go out of his way to text you and then you when you reply back, he doesn't text back!? What was the point in him texting in the first place if he wasn't going to bother replying???...
A. 24 May 2011: did your reply to him warrant a response? in other words, did you ask a question or create a situation that he needed to reply to? sometimes when I text BF he just ignores it as it does not require a response and he truly hates to text... (read in full...)
I'm going to lose him if I end things, but I don't want to be the other woman!
Q. there's this guy i met on a penpal site last summer in July; he's from Jamaica and when we started talking; we just clicked; we had so much in common especially since my background is jamaican as well. we talked every single day for hours on the ...
A. 24 May 2011: I would block him. His GF info is hurting you. he's not emotionally available to you for the type of relationship you want. fish or cut bait...... (read in full...)
I feel like this LDR is making her suffer
Q. Dear all, I'm in love with a beautiful and bright girl in the world, nothing makes me happier than spending another day with her, She is an insecure and sensitive lady, but that's not the point cause I love her no matter what. I need help from...
A. 24 May 2011: call her when you can text her when you can telling your man you miss him when in an LDR is just how you connect to him... I just put my bf on the train this morning... he was so sad to leave me even though he'll be back Thursday night.... we g... (read in full...)
Is he emotionally blackmailing me so that I'll stay with him???
Q. I wrote on here a few days ago asking for advice and I got brilliant advice and took it. My thread was 'help me make a decision about this guy'. I talked to my bf last night about things that were bothering me about our relationship. He listened...
A. 24 May 2011: men can father children throughout their life... there is no time running out for them... or more BS from him...... (read in full...)
My Girlfriend told me she needed some space and after a few days she dumped me!
Q. i'm ryan, i really need some help.. im just gonna sketch my situation. My girlfriend and i are been together for a while My girlfriend asked me for some space and time and I am worried because she has not contacted me in almost a wee...
A. 24 May 2011: "I'm doing this for you" yeah right. let her go, move on...... (read in full...)
LDR or the guy who's nearer?
Q. So I have been going out with this guy for a month now. He lives on the other side of the country, and he is 2 years younger than me Lets call him D (also i have never meet him in person).Then theres M is a year older than me but same grade and he ...
A. 24 May 2011: I hope it works out well for you and M!... (read in full...)
If you believe its true love, how do you not let them get away?
Q. if you believe its true love? how do you not let him get away? the man im so in love with, with everything i have says that he still means everything he used to say to me like he can't wait to have children etc, that he's lost me once and never will ...
A. 24 May 2011: Men that WANT something or someone TEND to get it.... if a man says "I don't want a relationship right now" what he's leaving off is the "with YOU" part.... (and yes women can do the same thing) him not replying is telling you a lot..... (read in full...)
Any suggestions on getting wet naturally?
Q. Hi everyone1. Please i need help. Am so worried about getting dry whenever i am having sex with my boyfriend. On many occasions we have to stop d sex and use gel or saliva just to get wet before we continue. Please is there anything i can do to get ...
A. 23 May 2011: I haven't found one yet... there's no crime in needing lube... (read in full...)
20 years older than me, is he just being friendly?
Q. I know a man who is much older than me, and he winks at me every time he sees me, and he always says i am special, and he said that if he was 20 years younger, he would go after me. He also knew about this guy who treated me badly once, and he said ...
A. 23 May 2011: could be either or... that's the problem... some people are just natural flirts and don't mean anything by it.
but if you are interested you should let him know that you're receptive to his advances... (read in full...)
He lied about his age...Turns out he is 18!
Q. Hmmm so the guy I am dating is away for a month,visiting his family....and today I found out he lied to me about his age. he's a professional soccer player so I looked up his name and found his age. How we met : We were on the same bus on our...
A. 23 May 2011: well the lie is the problem not the age...
IF you think you can understand why he lied then you can probably figure out if you can forgive this lie.
If you can, I can see no reason why you should not continue seeing him any way you like.
... (read in full...)
Older men equals fetish?
Q. Is it a fetish to be attracted to older men? I only seem to like men 45+ ...
A. 23 May 2011: I don't think so.
I'm 51 and I like men in their 30s... not a fetish.. I do not NEED it to turn me on, it's just a preference.... (read in full...)
How do I make him feel very bad??
Q. So Recently i Found Out My Ex Only Came Back To Me Beacause he Only wanted Sex. If Your Ex Is Just Using You For Sex How Would You Make Him Regret Using You? I Mean I Don't Just Want To Dump Him I Want To Make Him Feel Like Crap. So If Anyone Has ...
A. 23 May 2011: kick him to the curb baby then live well!... (read in full...)
He stands up when his 10 year old sister enters the room, is this too much?
Q. What would you think of a guy (27) who is handsome, has a good job and basically has everything going right for him who actually physically stands up as a gesture of respect for his 10 years younger sister (17) when she enters the room and makes her ...
A. 23 May 2011: what a delightful young man! it's respect to stand for women in general... my boyfriend, helps me on with my coat, holds my chair out for me, holds the door open for me, ORDERS for me at restaurants... all gentlemanly behaviors that h... (read in full...)
If you believe its true love, how do you not let them get away?
Q. if you believe its true love? how do you not let him get away? the man im so in love with, with everything i have says that he still means everything he used to say to me like he can't wait to have children etc, that he's lost me once and never will ...
A. 23 May 2011: it has to be true love for both in order for it to work... it's not looking good here for that....
... (read in full...)
My Girlfriend told me she needed some space and after a few days she dumped me!
Q. i'm ryan, i really need some help.. im just gonna sketch my situation. My girlfriend and i are been together for a while My girlfriend asked me for some space and time and I am worried because she has not contacted me in almost a wee...
A. 23 May 2011: Yep she wants to break up and she's trying not to hurt your feelings...... (read in full...)
Is he emotionally blackmailing me so that I'll stay with him???
Q. I wrote on here a few days ago asking for advice and I got brilliant advice and took it. My thread was 'help me make a decision about this guy'. I talked to my bf last night about things that were bothering me about our relationship. He listened...
A. 20 May 2011: yeah it is. my STBX does this... it's emotionally bullying. tell him... "so sorry" and KEEP MOVING!... (read in full...)
LDR or the guy who's nearer?
Q. So I have been going out with this guy for a month now. He lives on the other side of the country, and he is 2 years younger than me Lets call him D (also i have never meet him in person).Then theres M is a year older than me but same grade and he ...
A. 31 March 2011: I am 51. I drive. I can come and go as I please. I am in an LDR where my boyfriend is 2 hours away by car. It's killing me. IF you can make a choice and you have a choice I vote for someone local.... (read in full...)
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