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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I need some advice about love vs life....
Q. i am writing this looking for some advice on a life and relationship issue. i have been with my current girlfriend for about 2 1/2 years. we lived together for about six months. but in december of this past year, i decided to move out of the country ...
A. 14 June 2011: have you asked her if she's willing to wait another year?
I know with my LDR that we WANT to be together NOW but it's just not an option now.... (thankfully we can see each other most weekends)... but KNOWING that there is an end in sight makes it... (read in full...)
Teenager in sex distress.....
Q. ok i'm 14 goin on 15 and i'm dating a soon to be senior in high school, we've been dating on and off for the last almost year and a half . i have recently been getting really horny around him and he's been getting boners whenever i'm around ...
A. 14 June 2011: it's normal to get horny!
IF you have to ASK if it's OK to lose your virginity to someone then my take on it is that it's NOT ok. You will KNOW when the right person comes along. Drew is right however that at minimum you need to wait til... (read in full...)
Will watching porn with my wife damage our relationship? Or is it a good thing?
Q. is it a good thing for a husband and wife to watch porn together? are there any good benefits from watching it together or will it cause harm in our marriage.my wife and i have been doing this every now and then. thanks for any replies ....
A. 14 June 2011: Personally for me every now and then once in a while I think it's fine to watch porn with your partner... ... (read in full...)
Even if a guy dumps you, does he still get jealous?
Q. Hello, I would like to know opinions on the following. I have been told that even if a guy dumps you he will still get jealous or have a bruised ego when he sees you have moved on to someone else. Is this true? To me it makes no sense! I was d...
A. 14 June 2011: many times it is true...
many people have the "i don't want you but if someone else does I don't want them too either" issue.
it's not that he cares about you or wants you back... it's just human nature....
... (read in full...)
Should I get married?
Q. This is going to sound ridiculous, some of you will probably ask why I am even thinking about doing it if I have doubts. I used to think exactly the same. The thing is, I feel like I have so much to loose if I don't; I get on great with his fami...
A. 14 June 2011: my cousin many years ago called off a wedding THREE WEEKS before the ceremony... it was an expensive mess... but it was being true to her heart...
I am not one to diss friendship but marriage is special and if you don't want to rush home and jump... (read in full...)
He said he would leave his wife for me......almost 3 years ago! What should I do now?
Q. I dont even know whether to call him husband or not,well i met this married guy 2yrs back.his wife cannot conceive and they have tried medical help in vain.At first i was reluctant giving into him for the obvious reason he is married.He managed to ...
A. 14 June 2011: yep i think you need to move on alone.
it will be hard at first but eventually you will recover and feel much better.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong if I do his laundry?
Q. I currently live with my boyfriend and this has been going on for close to a year now. So far everything is harmonious with ofcourse some petty fights every now and then. I was surfing this morning on the net about relationships and I have come ...
A. 14 June 2011: If you feel it's equal and life is working smoothly then I'd say Carry on.
I do not yet live with my BF but we spend most weekends together and we carry on as if we live together (as that's our plan as soon as my home is sold).... and he hates wa... (read in full...)
Do you think I should continue to maintain military silence, maybe respond for him to leave me alone?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles, I kicked out my abusive ex about 4/5 months ago. The first three weeks of the break-up he called and begged non-stop and I maintained military silence. It seemed to work as he left me alone. Recently he has come out ...
A. 14 June 2011: block him.
ignore him
any response you give him will cause him to respond more...
... (read in full...)
Why doesn't she reply to a text or a facebook message? She talks to me in person!
Q. So, there's this girl I like. When she sees me at a party she'll come talk to me and give me a hug without me even attempting to talk to her, but if I text her or send her a message on Facebook she hardly ever replies. I can't figure out why she'd ...
A. 14 June 2011: maybe she hates facebook messages and texts?
I don't always answer facebook... it's a pain as i don't have it at work... and texts? I love to text but my BF hates it so it's a limitation of the relationship....... (read in full...)
My bf of 3 years doesn't want to tell the mother of his children that I exist.
Q. My bf of 3 years will not tell the mother of his children that I exist. I find it very disrespectful. I'm on the verge of leaving, we only argue about this, the rest of the relationship is good, how can I explain how hurtful this is without ...
A. 14 June 2011: if after three years you have not met his children and he's professing to be more than a casual relationship there are issues that are not being addressed.
Part of being in a person's life as a partner is being in all aspects of their life, t... (read in full...)
Somebody please talk me out of cheating.
Q. Somebody please talk me out of cheating. I am married with kids ( marriage has become a little boring , rutine and very predictable), but I'm craving that excitement of the affairs. I know for sure I WILL NOT get caught ever, and I am sure I WILL N...
A. 14 June 2011: You will get caught even if you say you won't you will manage to set it up to happen without even knowing you are doing that.
and you already feel guilty or you would not be asking to be stopped..
I didn't want to cheat so I had an "open"... (read in full...)
Am I being too needy? Seems I initiate everything. He cancels dates. It unsettles me.
Q. I have been dating this guy for 2 months and we have just became a couple. It wasn't discussed we just have such a connection. Which is what drew him to approach me in the first place. He has 3 kids and a ex and its recent. Hes writing a book and ...
A. 14 June 2011: yeah you need to relax a bit. sounds like he's as in to you as you are in to him and just have different needs for touching base.. much like us...
my bf and i have the same thing.. i'm the emailer.... caller and he has said it's a bit much and... (read in full...)
I was giving my husband a blow job and my son walked in on us!!
Q. So.. I was having a rather pleasant time pleasuring my man... yes BJ ... we have been together 20 years - married for 14 and have 2 young children.. 2 and 5 yrs. We had not closed our door as we tend not too because we can generally hear o...
A. 14 June 2011: I think every kid walks in on their parents... it's a fact and rite of passage.
If he asks questions be matter of fact, "Mommy and daddy love each other and we were showing each other.. it's something married adults do"
but if he hasn't ask... (read in full...)
My friends say leave him, but I can't! Please help!
Q. I am 14 nearly 15 i have been with my bf for 1year and 5mounths when we first meet at school we became great freinds and we started to become more we kissed and flirted and then he asked me out. He moved away 2mounths back now and its really f...
A. 14 June 2011: Long distance is hard as an adult (trust me I know this only too well sadly) and to do it as a young teen is nearly impossible.
You need to just go one day at a time and live your life. If he is not contacting you, he's telling you a lot.
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's daughter despises the fact that I moved in without consultation by her mother!
Q. I am 34 years old and my girlfriend is 48. She has 15 year old daughter that despises the fact that I moved in before my girlfriend consulted her daughter. Any advice to lighten the load?...
A. 14 June 2011: Your gap is the same as ours... I'm 51 my boyfriend just turned 38... and he is closer in age to my oldest child than he is to me....
Your GF should have at least TOLD her daughter that you were moving in. To Blindside her is unfair. While sh... (read in full...)
I feel as though I'm not good enough for him, should I try changing?
Q. I've not felt like this for a while but I'm starting to think I'm not good enough. My boyfriend reassures me that I am however there's something in the back of my mind that's screaming 'you're not his type'. Do people really have a type? and if so ...
A. 14 June 2011: People have a preference or type... well some do. When I look at men and think... ohhh he's attractive, the body type is usually big, tall and stocky... not fat, not muscular.... solid... so my "type" is big tall guys... so how come the love of my ... (read in full...)
Married ex had my name tattooed on his body.
Q. I am in a serious pickle and I'm afraid I've got myself into it. I was seeing a married man for a few years and broke up a few weeks back. He's been asking me to take him back since but I'm adamant to move on and make something of myself. Hoever ...
A. 13 June 2011: ugh he's got issues.
I'm proud of you for wanting to move on from a man that can't give you what you want.
His choice to get the tattoo was just that his choice.
he has to live with it.
and you are right his only proof of loyalty is t... (read in full...)
Don't know which one to choose
Q. Hey, well I've just had a date with this girl and we like each other and have a fair bit in common and she lives in the same town as me, but I've also had a few dates with another girl and we like each other as well and have a few things in common ...
A. 13 June 2011: when you don't know what to do, do nothing.
why not be open and honest and see both till you can decide?... (read in full...)
Is this mom interested in me?
Q. Hey guys. I'm a married dad with two sons. One of the mom's at my son's school has asked me for a play date with our kids. What does this mean? Could she be interested in me? Don't the moms usually ask each other? Should I say yes? Just wondering ...
A. 13 June 2011: Maybe she asked you because you were the one there?
why are you even worried about this?
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend claims she got an STD from a towel or mat from her yoga class!! Is that really possible or is it more likely that she cheated on me?
Q. My girlfriend had a vaginal discharge for some time which worried her greatly. She was worried she had some sort of cancer. We had not been sexually active in quite some time (more than a year). She went to the doctor and she diagnosed her with tri...
A. 13 June 2011: I do yoga. There is no way I am getting ANYTHING from a yoga mat... I wear clothing and there is never any genital to mat contact.
Nope sorry... ... (read in full...)
He stopped communicating and I have no idea why!
Q. I am still confused on what to do..so here is my situation : i met this guy online. we been in a long distance relationship for 16months and we havent met in person yet.. we been planning to meet in person.. he been planning to come to my country ...
A. 13 June 2011: oh dear.
he didn't add you to facebook... because he wants to keep his private life from his FAMILY and FRIENDS? hon, they ARE his private life... he's hiding something.
I fear he's lying to you and leading you on... and playing with you... (read in full...)
Why won't he tell me it's over if he wants to finish with me?
Q. hi i am 14 nearly 15 i have been with my bf for 1 year and 5 months, he moved away a few months ago and i dont know why he doesnt reply to my texts, he`s never here any more, he aint loving or here for me any more. i ask him if its over he says no ...
A. 13 June 2011: He may feel the same for you as you for him, but at your age it's going to be nearly impossible to make an LDR work.
He may not want to hurt your feelings, he may not know how to tell you that it's not working being so far apart...
I dou... (read in full...)
What and how should I feel about all of this?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months now. We love each other but don't see very often as we live an hour's drive away, and we both work. When we see each other, however, he is always feeling me up and being affectionate through kissing ...
A. 13 June 2011: My BF and I are 2 hours drive apart. We TRY to see each other 3/4 nights a week... (Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday) and I am sure his complaint is that the second I see him I am all over him...
It's not that I disrespect him or that I'm... (read in full...)
Is this age gap we have really that much out of line?
Q. Im a 40 year old divorced mother of 2. Recently I have begun dating a very nice guy who just turned 32. We seem to have a real connection to each other and have alot of fun, our sex life is great. The only problem is alot of my friends seem to ...
A. 13 June 2011: oh wow... when I was 40 my Boyfriend was 27 so I'm voting that it's not a problem....... (read in full...)
I doubt whether he really loves me because of our age difference.....
Q. i dated a 50 year old man with a different religion, i am chrsitian and he is muslim..i will be 22 this july..he said that he loves me but i am doubtful about it because of the age difference and of the culture differences,,but i feel being special ...
A. 13 June 2011: so you doubt his feelings because of his age and religion?
not because of his behavior?... (read in full...)
Is there really an issue with age difference if I am over 18?
Q. is it wrong for me to like older men i am 18 and i am wondering what people think the right age of older men i being 18 should go for 18-20 21-23 24-26 27-29 30+ which do you think would be the oldest older man suitable if you where concerned...
A. 13 June 2011: why limit yourself to a particular age.
IF you meet someone and they are over 18 and you are over 18 and you two click then go for it.
age is a number...
... (read in full...)
I think I have herpies, and don't know the long term effects of it! What will happen to me?
Q. I'm really worried and concerned. I had unprotected sex over the weekend and now i have a big spot down bellow. It looks a bit like an ulcer. Their are three other tiny spots by it, but, they don't look like ulseres, they just look like tiny ...
A. 10 June 2011: i have a spot like that... re-occurs and is horrid. I saw the doctor he was so sure it was herpes... he did a culture and was shocked that it was not herpes...
don't put the cart before the horse...
... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable to ask your boyfriend to get tested for STDs?
Q. Is it unreasonable to ask your boyfriend to get tested for STD's? I get tested every year at my check up because you never know what someone else is doing and my job has some exposure risks. He has never been tested. We have a sexual relationship, ...
A. 9 June 2011: I asked my bf to be tested and he readily agreed. I also get tested every 6 months....once we have had two tests clean (a year) and are monogamous we no longer will be tested.
i think it's reasonable and prudent to ask for testing... (read in full...)
I broke my partner's sim card because of this young girl who texts him, do you think I need help?
Q. I feel guilty and bad...last night after being so fed up of this young girl texting my partner I broke his Sim card on his phone. I know that he dosen't see her in a sexual way, and that he is just being nice, but she bugs the hell out of me by ...
A. 9 June 2011: did he know how you felt before you broke the SIM card? had you talked to him about it.
it would annoy me too if my partner KNEW I was not happy about something and yet he kept doing it.
I have a temper and I've been a bit off with my ... (read in full...)
How should I feel when I don't climax?
Q. I am in a mostly happy relationship with a guy a 3 years my junior. We are, more him than me, both virgins. He is religious and I am not, so he enjoys seeing and hearing me being pleasured as a means of sex. However, he seems to want it much more ...
A. 9 June 2011: not all women climax from intercourse.. i think from straight intercourse the percentage is only like 30%
I love being with my bf and when we make love it's not about the orgasm for me... it's about being close to him...
I never feel bad a... (read in full...)
He cancelled our trip and gave all the money to his ex for new clothes for his child! Do I mean nothing to him?
Q. My boyfriend planned a special weekend away together for us as my birthday present. Then his ex wife called and told him she wanted extra money (besides maintenance already paid and a few extras) to buy clothes for their child. Now this child does ...
A. 9 June 2011: what the mother provides and the new husband provides and the grandparents provide is not the issue.
the fact that the dad pays support and extras is what matters and he does that.... so there was no need for him to cancel your trip and give eve... (read in full...)
Am I safe from getting pregnant with a pill and if my bf wears a condom?
Q. I'm so scared about having sex that it's stopping me. I want to have sex with my boyfriend but my fear of pregnancy puts me off. I'm on the pill, we'd use a condom and i even said to him i might tell him to pull out early just to clear worries ...
A. 8 June 2011: if you are taking the pill regularly daily at the same time and make sure not to take it with antacids or antibiotics you should be fine
and condoms add to the safety for many reasons and are a great idea....... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's daughter is hysterical about wanting her mom whenever we have her. What should we do??
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years now. Of that 2 years we have lived together a year and a half. I have a 3 1/2-year-old son and he is divorced and has a 5-year-old daughter; she splits her time every other week with us and then ...
A. 8 June 2011: The mom is setting this whole thing up.
If mom was matter of fact about this so would child be....
can anyone speak to the mother about this?... (read in full...)
I still miss my ex and I am supposed to be meeting my new LDR boyfriend soon!
Q. It’s been 9 months and i still miss my long distance boyfriend… .i miss everything we had..i miss how it used to be..how he was my best friend and love in the same person..i miss the emotional closeness we had, i miss the care and understanding..i...
A. 8 June 2011: LDRs can work. but they are hard.
IF you still are grieving the loss of the last LDR you may not be ready to have a new relationship yet....perhaps you can back off on meeting till you are ready...... (read in full...)
How can I make this playboy fall for me?
Q. How to make playboy fall in love with you? I love my friend. I am 16 he is 23.He is a playboy, he sleep with any girl. He told me that. But I still love him. He said that he can just keep a sexual relation with me. He cares for me.He is not forcing ...
A. 8 June 2011: Please say NO... PLEASE!
You have to remain a virgin but he can sleep with anyone? and you are ok with this? JUST SAY NO
He has told you he won't love you JUST SAY NO!
If you say yes just for sex he will have sex with you and le... (read in full...)
Isn't this a little too serious a little too fast?
Q. My girlfriend freaks out every time someone comments on my photos on fb or writes on my wall. We've only been dating for about a week but whenever someone writes something on my wall or on a photo she panics and starts questioning me about it. She ...
A. 8 June 2011: yeah big red flags...
LDRs are hard. They are hard no matter what age you are I'm 51, we live 2 hours apart by car and see each other very very very often... it's still insanely HARD... AND to be a teenager and be in an LDR is doubly hard. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend does not always say 'I love you too.' Should I be worried?
Q. Hi there. I tell my bf I love him a lot and he does not always say it back. He's like, well, I've said it, I dont need to keep saying it. He does tell me he loves me, just not that often. Sometimes I text him 'love you' and he does not text back. S...
A. 8 June 2011: I wouldn't be worried if you know he loves you and he shows you.
I always NEEDED to hear those words. My current BF cannot say them. it kills him... it KILLS him. I love him madly and I tell him and he says "thank you" but yet with him I kn... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is smoking weed everyday....Help!
Q. Ok so I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years, I could not ever picture my life without him but for the past couple months/weeks he has been smoking weed/grass near enough every single day.. Every time he talks to me (texting) or even when ...
A. 8 June 2011: Tell him it's unacceptable and that you will no longer be with him when he's high. AND THEN DO IT.
either he will stop getting high to be with you or you will have to end the relationship.
but before you make this ultimatum you need to be s... (read in full...)
Why is she trying to break us up? We don't even know her. Help!
Q. I've just started dating a girl and a complete stranger to both of us has just started emailing my girlfriend telling her I'm a fake and that I'm not genuine, I'm really confused because I've never spoken to this person before and neither has my ...
A. 8 June 2011: what Honeypie said.
NOT a stranger and you should both BLOCK this person.
without an audience they will stop.... (read in full...)
How can I tell if my FWB is ever going to turn into something more?
Q. I have known this wonderful guy for four years. He always was so nice and made me laugh, both were in relationships at the time. But for the last four n half months we have been making hot passionate sex with kissing and cuddling and spending the ...
A. 8 June 2011: Oh dear you're not going to like me either...
You love this man and he does not love you and you want him to love you and you seem to think that by loving him purely he will in turn learn to love you. I fear not. Loving someone can only make the... (read in full...)
Is it possible he acts this way because he's a shy type of guy or that he's just not that into me?
Q. We talk often enough. We go to the same college but right now are in different cities because of internships. The only thing is is that I don't know how much he is into me because we'll have long conversations that can last hours but for the most ...
A. 8 June 2011: you can stop initiating the conversations and see if he starts them.
in the beginning of my LDR I was the one who nurtured and started all the emails etc. I was the primary phone caller for a long time... he was receptive however... it was just... (read in full...)
How can I make this playboy fall for me?
Q. How to make playboy fall in love with you? I love my friend. I am 16 he is 23.He is a playboy, he sleep with any girl. He told me that. But I still love him. He said that he can just keep a sexual relation with me. He cares for me.He is not forcing ...
A. 8 June 2011: Personally I think you did wrong. I do NOT think he will change because you want him to or because of anything you will do for him.
You are in and LDR and he's a bit older than you at your current ages... 7 years when you are 23 and he's 30 is no... (read in full...)
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