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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I thought he was the perfect guy but all his excuses are making me doubt that.
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3yrs., we met on a dating site, he lives about 3hrs., away from me. The question is 1. He always has an excuses for not visiting on holidays(says he dosen't like to drive on holidays, its too ...
A. 9 May 2012: Congrats to you for entering a new stage. Thanks for the update...... (read in full...)
I thought he was the perfect guy but all his excuses are making me doubt that.
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3yrs., we met on a dating site, he lives about 3hrs., away from me. The question is 1. He always has an excuses for not visiting on holidays(says he dosen't like to drive on holidays, its too ...
A. 15 January 2012: DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR SOCIAL!
do not make any legal commitments with him.
honey he's not worth the air he breathes.... (read in full...)
I thought he was the perfect guy but all his excuses are making me doubt that.
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3yrs., we met on a dating site, he lives about 3hrs., away from me. The question is 1. He always has an excuses for not visiting on holidays(says he dosen't like to drive on holidays, its too ...
A. 4 January 2012: Six months after you asked you are still at it with him… it’s so hard to do what we know is right isn’t it?
I get it. I do. My heart aches for you that you are so torn and think so little of yourself that you feel you are worth this lousy be... (read in full...)
I'm 14, he's 21. Can we take this relationship any further?
Q. so i met this guy on the spot (a dating site on the ipod touch) and we've been talking,video chatting, and texting for 2 months now. well, 2 weeks after we started talking, he told me that he was 21 and in the airforce. the problem is, im 14. he ...
A. 29 June 2011: Dear one,
does your mom or dad know about this man? are you afraid to tell them? perhaps because you know that it's not going to be allowable till you are 18...
you can stay CASUAL NON SEXUAL internet friends online... but until ... (read in full...)
Is it reasonable that my boyfriend wants me to cut contact with my abusive ex?
Q. Ok so i've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 months and everything is wonderful. The only problem is he doesn't want me to have anything to do with my ex because of what happened in mine and my exs past. It was an semi abusive relationship. he ...
A. 28 June 2011: totally reasonable unless you have children together..... (read in full...)
Do guys shave their pubic hair or not? And why?
Q. Im a 15 Year old male and i would like to know if I should shave all of my pubic hair off or just trim down there?...
A. 26 June 2011: my bf WAS fully shaved. I hated it so I have gotten him to grow it back...
if it's long then trimmed is very nice...
if there are hairs that grow up the shaft, shaving those are considerate for oral activities.
my vote.... trimmed only... (read in full...)
I am confused by his behavior. Can someone help me figure out what is going on?
Q. hi please can someone give me some advice? i met this guy in march. we split up after 2 months. i would text him he wouldnt reply. then he said he has been hurt in the past and so have i so could we just have sex and nothing more. so i told him no i ...
A. 26 June 2011: nope he only wants to have sex.. he already told you that... why aren't you listening to him?... (read in full...)
Should I try and resolve this, try and save our relationship?
Q. Right, I'm asking this out of desperation. My relationship is falling apart. I'm sixteen and I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months, and suddenly things are crumbling and changing so fast. I don't know what to do. Things are really ...
A. 22 June 2011: "i'm not happy in the relationship"
"I don't like him as much any more"
ok what needs is he meeting?
what are you happy with?
go ahead and wait till after prom.. but then you need to think about how this is not meeting your needs or wants.... (read in full...)
Is rebuilding trust really this difficult or should we be further along?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We have been working on rebuilding trust for the past 9 months due to him cheating and lying. I do feel we have made some ground but we still have work to do. For the past 3 weeks we have been arguing alot. ...
A. 22 June 2011: rebuilding trust is very very hard and it's very very fragile.
every time my XDH would get close to having me trust him again something would happen on his part that would make me not trust...
I'm a person that says once broken badly enough ... (read in full...)
Every time we are apart I find myself wondering if he's cheating on me
Q. hey everyone, so if u havent read my past questions, i am 17 and i have a 16 year old boyfriend. we dated from august 22,2009 to may 17,2010. we broke up then because he cheated on me. . .but we got back together in december 22,2010 and we are still ...
A. 22 June 2011: so are you with him because of you and him or because of the baby?
staying with someone because of your children is never a good idea...
sounds to me like he is giving you reasons not to trust him...... (read in full...)
Is dating a younger guy difficult? Would this explain why he broke up with me?
Q. Hi I am dating a guy 6 years younger to me for the past 2 months. At first i was reluctant and he was the one keep on insisting and then we went for a date and it went well and we started seeing each other. Suddenly 2 days back he starte...
A. 22 June 2011: Sadly NO one but the man that broke up with you can explain why... and 2 days is not a lot of time... 2 weeks... maybe 2 months yes...
sometimes folks really mean break up when they need a break sometimes they need a break...
as for dating... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my boyfriend or my baby! What should I do?
Q. Hi,well i have been in relationship with a guy for 9 months we get on well we are a 4 hour drive away .Usually we take turns in who goes to who's place and now ive messed up BIG TIME.im 24 he is 36 and a great guy i mean it he even comes to my place ...
A. 22 June 2011: you must tell your partner as soon as possible about the baby. after all it's his baby too...... (read in full...)
Am I wrong or am I really a bad person?
Q. Well this isn't a relationship question really... It's about my dad. He's mentally unwell and uses it as an excuse not to do anything around the house. The bathrooms haven't been cleaned for 3 months and the floors haven't been vacuumed in about ...
A. 22 June 2011: I don't think you are a bad person... yes, helping is critical but if your dad is not well you need other help..
Check the links Tisha-1 posted..... (read in full...)
He expects me to wait until he is back from the pub to cook his dinner!
Q. My boyfriend has recently started to go to the pub every Friday after work with his new work colleagues. I wait until he gets home from work all week before I start cooking dinner. He can get home after 6pm and he likes to chill out for a bit before ...
A. 22 June 2011: oh NO
in fact HELL NO!
you cook dinner at the normal regular time. you then can clean up and if you feel like it prepare a plate for him from leftovers if there are any and cover it in the fridge.. he can heat it up himself when he gets... (read in full...)
How can I get my mum to stop opening my mail?
Q. Ok so here's my problem, I'm 21 years old and have lived away from home for about 4 years, working full time. This year I decided to go back into education so moved back home during term time. I come from a good family, however my mum is kind of ...
A. 22 June 2011: in the US opening mail addressed to another is a federal offense... if mom can't stop breaking the law, have your mail either held at the post office or I like the idea of a PO Box like others have suggested.... (read in full...)
I hate performing oral sex, but I like receiving it. Am I selfish?
Q. I have tried oral sex numerous time, but I still hate it. I don't understand how anyone can enjoy performing oral sex on a man. I feel sick, I get a sore throat, my jaws hurt, the taste is awful and the sight of semen make me want to vomit. My b...
A. 22 June 2011: I have the opposite problem... I LOVE giving my guy BJs... i really do.... and he will NOT perform oral on me.
thankfully I do not give it to receive...
sadly it's something I miss... receiving it... but for my BF it's just NOT an option..... (read in full...)
"Hopelessly lost and hurting"
Q. Please help me, very confused. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 15 months, I'm supposed to move in to his apartment within the next couple of months. He's ex wife still lived with him up until last week, now he's all upset shes gone, he ad...
A. 22 June 2011: but aren't you teaching your daughter that it's ok to take bad treatment from a man by staying with this guy?... (read in full...)
I don't like her dating the boy she is dating.
Q. My daughter is 16, 4.0 student, musically gifted, volunteers, involved in many clubs, self driven and goal oriented, very attractive and has a good heart. But I don't like her dating the boy she is dating. I don't know what to do here. I allowed ...
A. 22 June 2011: Personally, when my now 19 yr old daughter wanted to date boys we did not like, (as long as they were under 18) they were welcome in our home so we could keep an eye on them...
we never told her we didn't like a boy she liked... we just helped h... (read in full...)
I thought he was the perfect guy but all his excuses are making me doubt that.
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3yrs., we met on a dating site, he lives about 3hrs., away from me. The question is 1. He always has an excuses for not visiting on holidays(says he dosen't like to drive on holidays, its too ...
A. 22 June 2011: Umm... this is NOT a relationship.... you are rowing a boat that's sinking...
you saw him over a year ago... he's ONLY 3 hours away?
Hon my boyfriend lives 2 hours away by car if it's not rush hour... it took me nearly 3 hours to get to him ye... (read in full...)
We cant see each other for another 10 months, can you even call this a relationship anymore?
Q. i am in a ldr as well as committed relation since two years. Recently my bf came to visit me and he said that this is the last visit of this year!He just met me once in this year. He stays 1800 miles away and does not have that much finance t...
A. 22 June 2011: I think it's time to end this pretend relationship and get on with your life...
no reason you can't remain friends with this man but to be honest, it's not a relationship if he's telling you he can only devote 20 minutes per day to you... won't se... (read in full...)
Girl I am dating drives me crazy by calling everyone "honey", "darling" and "baby"!!
Q. this may sound stupid but i cant help it that it is driving me crazy. this girl i am dating for 5 months is really getting to me because she calls people she knows casually things like "baby", "honey", "sweetheart", "love" and "darling"!! i'm ...
A. 22 June 2011: I can see both sides.
it detracts from the terms she uses for you but I am sure she doesn't mean anything by it with the others it's just habit..
but still it bugs you...
I do it too... but thankfully my bf does not mind except when he hear... (read in full...)
We live 700 miles apart, could this ever work?
Q. Um I don't know how to start this. I met this girl on an online chat website.. I'm sure everyone has heard of this online chat website. Anyhow we really like each other now. I tell her I love her all the time and we never run out of things to talk ...
A. 22 June 2011: Everything KC said is right and then there is all of this:
and here's my take on LDRs...
1. they are not for the faint of heart, the emotionally needy, the immature, the impatient or the very young...
2. having never met fact to face, I woul... (read in full...)
My best friend told me I should avoid him because of the age difference, but my other friend said I should go after him if I want him. What do I do?
Q. I've been doing work experience for a month and today was my last day. The 18 year old guy (he just turned 18 a week ago) is my boss/ supervisor (he's not head boss, just of our section). I do really like him in both ways, and I knew him a little ...
A. 22 June 2011: Yeah are you 13 or 15...?
if you are 13 then NO
if you are 15, then maybe...
note that you can be friends with this guy but that if he gets sexual with you and you are below the age of consent, he will go to jail and be branded a sex off... (read in full...)
Embarrassed to tell girl I am a virgin - Should I be?
Q. Hi, I'm a 23 year old virgin and couple of weeks ago I meet this chick and for whatever reason she thinks I'm awesome :) anyway we've started to hop into bed and fool around but haven’t gone all the way yet. The thing is she doesn’t know I'm a ...
A. 21 June 2011: DO NOT LIE
and do not tell her while you are in bed.
I would suggest you talk to her about it... over a drink/coffee/dinner.... let her know your feelings... you may be pleasantly surprised.... (read in full...)
Anybody meet their spouses as teenagers?
Q. well this is just me thinking if im honest ... how many people here on this site have been with spouses since they were in their mid teens (14-17) because me and my bf started goin out last year (me 13 and him 14) and after a year and 3 month...
A. 21 June 2011: not me
I was 15 1/2 when met my first real boyfriend. we dated two years.. then we broke up...
my parents met at 16 and 19 and married 3 years later....
my grandparents met at 10 and 12 in the orphanage and married in their late 20s....... (read in full...)
We like each other but live a state away. What can we do?
Q. I want to ask this girl out, but there's a problem. We only see each other for one week during the summer at Callaway Gardens in Georgia. The rest of the year, she's one state away. I think she likes me, and I definitely like her. We're friends on ...
A. 21 June 2011: you should enjoy the week you see each other... you should be just friends however...
at your age a long distance relationship is nearly impossible...
be friends... talk on the phone, text, facebook together...
don't get all jealous a... (read in full...)
Why is my ex, who is married, is trying to get back in contact with me, when I am also married?
Q. I fell in love with a guy in school a couple of years back. He liked me but found it very hard to commit. We didn't actually date. Now I'm married, he's married, but he's always trying to hook up - I think. Three times he requested me on fb which of ...
A. 21 June 2011: if you don't want to be friends with him then don't. you can block him on face book so he can't friend request you at all.
to be honest I'm friends with lots of folks I dated in the past.... it doesn't mean I want to "hook up" with them...... (read in full...)
I'm in Hon Kong and he is in Canada. I need some advice.
Q. I met someone on a chat room in October 2010, we started go on Skype date a lot, it was very fun to talk to him, I knew he was the right one I wanted-we are so alike and we have got loads of interests in common. We def. are something more than ...
A. 21 June 2011: when you go to Canada how far will you be from him?
Long distance relationships are so hard.... esp if you have never met in real life and are not close enough to progress to a close face to face relationship....... (read in full...)
No sex and no money is pushing me to break up with him!
Q. Dear Cupid's agony aunts and uncles I need your wisdom and advice I moved in with my fiancé of three years. we chose to move in to a new flat and were very happy to begin with apart from the obvious stresses of moving. this is my first time living a...
A. 21 June 2011: Advice:
make him pay his agreed to amount. tell him if he does not pony up the 150 this week that he has ONE week to get out...
he's using you hon... my ex husband did that.. when he was a bit short on his pay he would short me what he was s... (read in full...)
Could he be hiding something?
Q. hi good people ,my bf whom i suspect he is cheating refused to show me his pictures on the phone when i asked him for it he said next time not today does this means he is hiding something ?...
A. 21 June 2011: It could mean he's hiding something...why do you not trust him?... (read in full...)
Did I make a mistake having sex with him?
Q. This sound stupid but you all have to help me out. My lecturer has being asking me out for one week. But later i decided to go,but only for him to tell me that he loves me and that i'll benefit lot of things if i accept. That particular day he had ...
A. 21 June 2011: He is married
He is in a position of authority over you
My vote is YES you did wrong to have sex with him.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is loyal, but looks at porn?
Q. I recently discovered my boyfriend looks at pornography through an accidental slip on his part. He is not aware that I know. We were friends when we lived in the same city, and become a couple after he moved away.Because of the distance, we hav...
A. 21 June 2011: A year is a long time.
and I agree it is odd that you became a couple only after he moved away...
Porn if used when you are together as a couple or while apart should not be an issue... and no one can live up to porn.. it's fantasy... total... (read in full...)
Is the fact that I am seperated with 3 kids why he has not asked for my number?
Q. I have a met a guy that is six years younger than me and I am 28. We have met up and hung out at a bar enjoyed each others company for the night and left the next morning. He has never asked for my phone number and I know he is very attracted to ...
A. 21 June 2011: He's 22. you met in a bar... did you spend the night with him??? (that's how it reads to me)
he did not ask for your number... when do you see him?
I'd say to me it's just a booty call... at 22 I don't know many men that want to take on a wo... (read in full...)
I want our group of friends to know about my husband's affair with another one of our friends!
Q. Ugh. I posted a question April 19 regarding my husband's old secret that has destroyed a friendship and marraige both. In a nutshell, he cheated on me with a mutual friend, lied about it for years, and now thinks I should get over it and still be ...
A. 20 June 2011: the "kid" is in college... so he's over 18 or close to it..
do NOT stay together for the sake of this "child" or any child...
ugh what a double betrayal the man you are married to (he does not deserve the term husband) is giving you.
... (read in full...)
Is this his polite way of breaking up or what else could he mean?
Q. I'm confused right now. my bf told me he needed space like one week.. is this breaking up with me in a polite manner or he just need a little time without me?...
A. 20 June 2011: when my bf and I had a fight we opted to "take a break" and one of the things we hashed out was if we could date/be intimate with others... "breaks" have to have rules "breakups" do not...
so you for sure can go out with a friend... but like Chi... (read in full...)
Not in the mood for sex after childbirth. What am I going to do?
Q. i've been with my husband for alittle over 3 years. we have a 19 month old boy and after he was born my sex drive has gone from waking him up to make love to pushing him off me when he wants to. what am i going to do?...
A. 20 June 2011: Are you a stay at home mom?
are you still nursing the baby?
both of these questions being answered will help me answer you better.... (read in full...)
Living in a foreign country and about to return home, my ex has asked if I can buy her some jewellery which she will pay for - shall I buy it? Should I tell my wife?
Q. Hi guys, I have been living in a foreign country for two years with my wife and plan to return to our home country soon. Yesterday, my ex surprised me with a call asking me to buy her some jewellery but made it very clear she would pay for it. I ...
A. 20 June 2011: I agree it sounds harmless... BUT you must discuss it with your wife posthaste.
I know if i was friendly with an EX who could get me something and save me money I'd go for it with no thought of getting back with the ex.... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to put their friend before their girlfriend sometimes?
Q. Hi. My question is quite a general one. I have noticed sometimes that my bf puts his friends/friend before me. Is this normal or is this a sign of immaturity? There is one friend in particular, typically I dont get on with him, there is no love los...
A. 20 June 2011: I have friends that don't get on with my BF, I see them without him. we actually spent the weekend apart since he went to see his friends and I went to see mine...
1-2-3 times a month... no biggie in my book...not all your friends will be his n... (read in full...)
Can wife's medication cause her sex drive to increase?
Q. hi my wife has been on anti depresent medication since christmas. they have made here feel good however during the time she was on them her sexual behavour changed and she just loved it. not that i an complaining as it was me who cuased her to be...
A. 20 June 2011: maybe it's that she's not as depressed any more?... (read in full...)
Strangely attracted to a girl not my usual type. She gets made fun of a lot an I'm afraid friends will turn on me to What now?
Q. Okay so theres this girl that i just met and she likes me and i think shes kinda cute but my friends dont they were making fun of her really bad even though i kinda liked her i admit shes not my usual type shes short and not as thin as my usual ...
A. 20 June 2011: IF you like her and she likes you then go for it and your friends can suck it up...
just keep her from them till you are ready to sing her praises... and when you do bring her around WARN them that you will NOT tolerate any childish behavior... (read in full...)
To leave only to come back again
Q. I go to a university in chicago and im a junior in college. I am about to study abroad this spring and my boyfriend is going to study abroad this fall. We have been together for about a year now and see eachother regularly during the summer. Im ...
A. 20 June 2011: short term LDR after being together... done for a great reason (schooling) is totally workable...
My LDR experience is a bit different but as long as there is an end date to the LONG DISTANCE part I think you should at least try...... (read in full...)
Who should I believe? Is he still with his ex?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been dating about a month now, The first week of our relationship, i hear rumors About him still together with his ex. My cousin shes friend with his ex, so i asked my cousin to ask the girl if she was still together with my ...
A. 20 June 2011: the fact that he turns his phone off and wants to keep you a secret are red flags to me...
... (read in full...)
Great relationship but 2 big problems.....what should I do?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for 9 months and its gohng great we have so much in common we both have a child from a previous relationship and they get on great too, he spends most of his wk with me because he works nearby and on a wk end he has his ...
A. 20 June 2011: I agree that a 30 minute trip in this day and age is NOTHING. IF you are not sure what to do, then do nothing yet. 9 MONTHS is not a lot of time yet in the span of life...
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has broken his leg, I've been invited to a party and I'm wondering if I should go.
Q. Hi. My bf has just broken his leg. He is coming to stay with me this weekend. I have never been through anything like this before and although my bf is the least needy person I have ever met, I am struggling to cope with him being so unwell. He has ...
A. 20 June 2011:
So glad to hear it worked out...... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has broken his leg, I've been invited to a party and I'm wondering if I should go.
Q. Hi. My bf has just broken his leg. He is coming to stay with me this weekend. I have never been through anything like this before and although my bf is the least needy person I have ever met, I am struggling to cope with him being so unwell. He has ...
A. 19 June 2011: To the OP... I"m glad you are able to compromise... I know that if I was the partner on the couch... frequent contact via phone or text while you are out would help me... time drags so much when you are in pain and immobile....
And to the FEMALE A... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has broken his leg, I've been invited to a party and I'm wondering if I should go.
Q. Hi. My bf has just broken his leg. He is coming to stay with me this weekend. I have never been through anything like this before and although my bf is the least needy person I have ever met, I am struggling to cope with him being so unwell. He has ...
A. 17 June 2011: I broke my leg once. badly. I was in terrible pain and my caretaker went out to get my pain meds. she got tied up and was gone over 2 hours... she came home and found me on the couch in such pain I could barely speak. I cried for days I was so ... (read in full...)
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