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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My boyfriend has broken his leg, I've been invited to a party and I'm wondering if I should go.
Q. Hi. My bf has just broken his leg. He is coming to stay with me this weekend. I have never been through anything like this before and although my bf is the least needy person I have ever met, I am struggling to cope with him being so unwell. He has ...
A. 20 June 2011:
So glad to hear it worked out...... (read in full...)
He went from speaking to me every day to nothing! What is going on?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles.... Really need advice about a man. Where shall I begin...will give you the short version. Met guy I'm 31, his 27. Liked him. Usual stuff doesn't do relationships! Find out was in a 5 year one long time back which he wasn't ...
A. 20 June 2011: He met a woman.... he told you... Honey you are in the friend zone....... (read in full...)
I know I should wait to have sex, but I think I'm ready.....is this the right choice?
Q. im 14 and like other teen girls i think about sex A LOT and i think im ready to have sex with my boyfriend but im scared of the pain or what could happen if we (Im) not carefull......you might think "oh all he wants is sex" not really i told him i ...
A. 20 June 2011: if you think it's wrong and you are not sure then you are not ready.
IF you question if it's the right thing to do it's not time.
WHEN the time is right, there will be no question in your mind that it's time.... I lost my virginity at 14. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to meet his friends while I have a broken leg!
Q. I have been dating my partner for 3 months and he has invited me to a friends wedding in 3 weeks time. The problem I have is that 2 weeks ago I broke my leg in a cycling accident. I feel so embarrassed, My whole leg is in a cast and it's been ab...
A. 19 June 2011: I've had a broken leg and surgery.. and the pain is horrid but it will stop and soon. i spent 6 months in a wheelchair (it was a horrendous break for me)
wait to see if you are not in pain, rent a wheelchair and GO.
no one will stare, bro... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has broken his leg, I've been invited to a party and I'm wondering if I should go.
Q. Hi. My bf has just broken his leg. He is coming to stay with me this weekend. I have never been through anything like this before and although my bf is the least needy person I have ever met, I am struggling to cope with him being so unwell. He has ...
A. 19 June 2011: To the OP... I"m glad you are able to compromise... I know that if I was the partner on the couch... frequent contact via phone or text while you are out would help me... time drags so much when you are in pain and immobile....
And to the FEMALE A... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and I are going on a break, and I feel very uncomfortable about it
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10mths now. He cheated on me in the past and i forgave him for it and said that we could start over because i really love him with all of my heart. Although i forgave him, things haven't been the same and ...
A. 18 June 2011: the rules of your break are what you make them. when my bf and I took a break (which lasted a whole week) one of our rules was no sex with anyone else... we both agreed to it.... not knowing now long this break would be... so your break m... (read in full...)
I want to do it but he never does
Q. I have been married to my husband forever it seems, and while we get along for the most part, it's not always been great... but we Have always enjoyed having sex. Gradually, over the course of the last couple of years, our sex life has slowed down ...
A. 18 June 2011: has he been to the doctor for a medical work up? he could be hormonally imbalanced..... (read in full...)
For 4 years, I've been seeing a guy who has a gf, and I want more commitment. What should I do?
Q. i'm sort of seeing/sleeping w/ a guy that i think i'm in love w/ but the problem is he has a girlfriend for six years and we have been cheating on her for 4 years already. it has come to a point that that i almost broke it off w/ him but i really ...
A. 18 June 2011: if he was ever going to leave his GF for you he would have done it already.
you are nothing but a playtoy to him. you mean nothing to him but a bit of fun and games sex...
you need to listen to CindyCares.... (read in full...)
If he doesn't want me after so many years, why doesn't he just let me go?
Q. I am 46,divorced with grown up kids. I have been single for 6 years and I live on my own. 4 years ago I met a man online who was 6 years younger than me. We talked almost every night and he told me he was leaving his wife. The years rolled by,...
A. 18 June 2011: why do you have to wait for him to let you go.
he's not meeting your needs
he's hurting you
his actions tell you he's not that interested and yet you persist.
I'm 90 miles from my BF and we manage to see each other pretty much every week.... ... (read in full...)
According to the rules of dating, should I text my bf to tell him whenever I am going out?
Q. I just want to know what are the rules of dating? Am i supposed to let the person know when I'm going out or not?...simple as that..I'm dating a guy but I'm not sure if he's serious cuz I always am the one who texts him no matter what and he texts ...
A. 18 June 2011: if he's not your bf you owe him no information about what you are doing without him...
... (read in full...)
Affair with married man....things are getting harder... I need advice!
Q. Ok- i need some advice. I have been dating a married man for about 9 months now. everything has been so much fun, we talk every day and have a great time together- and yes, we fight... more so lately. Let me start off by saying that his wife ...
A. 17 June 2011: he's right you deserve better.
listen to his actions not his words
time to move on...... (read in full...)
Is it normal not to bleed?
Q. Hi I would like to seek some advice. My bf and I had intercourse for the first time. We're both virgins. But I did not bleed. I thought virgins are supposed to bleed on their first time. Is it normal?...
A. 17 June 2011: I didn't. Many virgins don't. IF your hymen was not intact you probably won't bleed.
Hymens are fragile... many are destroyed when girls are young and doing things like climbing trees, running, horseback riding, bike riding or swimming... (read in full...)
My wife lost her virginity to another man while dating me
Q. My wife just told me that she lied to my when we were married. We only dated each other and never had sex until our wedding day because we talked about it and we both wanted to arrive virgin to marriage. However, when we went to our honeymoon and ...
A. 17 June 2011: to all who are saying paternity test the kids....
why?
is he not the dad in name and action? my stepdaughter has none of my genes. I was her mommy from the time she was 8 until just before she turned 19... I'm STILL HER MOM and she still ca... (read in full...)
Cheated on my girlfriend, in love with the other woman and my girlfriend is pregnant!
Q. I am in a sad situation and don't know what to do. In October of last year I met a woman on the internet. We started seeing each other and things were going well. I thought I was falling in love with her. Then a monkey wrench came alone in the form ...
A. 17 June 2011: You are not a coward. you are afraid of what will happen... that's a legitimate fear.
I was a coward. I wanted out of my marriage and yet I could not ask my hubby to leave. I didn't not love him I just was not happy in the marriage and I was not ... (read in full...)
Are we related?
Q. if you are dating your cousins cousin on a different side of the family are we cousins? ...
A. 17 June 2011: so if your cousin billy is your cousin because he's your MOM's nephew (your aunt's child) and his cousin tommy is who you are dating and TOMMY is his cousin because he's billy's DAD's brother's kid... nope not related.... (read in full...)
Should I go back to being her friend or should I embrace the opportunity of no strings sex?
Q. I have been close friends with a girl from University since I began there last September. She isn't sexy, but she's not unattractive either. She has always been a very quiet girl who seemed very normal and average in her personality. I have never ...
A. 17 June 2011: FWB never works.
every single guy I slept with without a "relationship" is gone from my life now...
the current FWB is no longer an FWB but is a man I am going to probably marry eventually... we were SUPPOSED to be FWB/NSA... that didn't work.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has broken his leg, I've been invited to a party and I'm wondering if I should go.
Q. Hi. My bf has just broken his leg. He is coming to stay with me this weekend. I have never been through anything like this before and although my bf is the least needy person I have ever met, I am struggling to cope with him being so unwell. He has ...
A. 17 June 2011: I broke my leg once. badly. I was in terrible pain and my caretaker went out to get my pain meds. she got tied up and was gone over 2 hours... she came home and found me on the couch in such pain I could barely speak. I cried for days I was so ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my girlfriend that I use viagra?
Q. Hi I have been in a loving relationship for the past year. We have a great sex life, the thing is, I use viagra because it helps me to perform (I am 39 now and well enough said). I have never told my girlfriend that I use viagra and I am wanting ...
A. 17 June 2011: yeah tell her. don't be surprised if she doesn't much care that you use it... ... (read in full...)
28 years later and I want to know what her sexual past was
Q. hi i have been married to a wonderful woman for 28 years. i met her when she was 16 and i was 20. i was with prostitutes from 18 till before i met her. i could not have sex with girls i went to school with and take what did not belong to me,so i ...
A. 17 June 2011: I agree with Cerberus that you need to go to counseling. Not marriage counseling but personal therapy to work through this deeply rooted issue.
You guys were NOT together when these things occurred. Why does she owe you an explanation of what hap... (read in full...)
Should I compromise my dreams to move to be with bf, or should he do the same to be with me?
Q. I'm dealing with a really hard problem right now. I'm graduating with my AA this fall and moving to attend UF. I'm pursuing my bachelors in psychology, and hopefully attending medical school after that. UF is supposed to be the best university in ...
A. 17 June 2011: LDRs require compromise.. someone has to move to make it work
BUT if you guys are looking at education issues, then the LDR would be temporary...
I am going to answer you like a mom... not like someone in love in an LDR (I'm both I'm just go... (read in full...)
Why is he ignoring me one week, but nice to me another?
Q. Ok, to make this story short……I dated a guy long distance (Dallas-Houston) for about 7 months. We went on trips to Vegas and other places together and really enjoy each other’s company…….. Well last month, he told me, everyone was referring to me as ...
A. 17 June 2011: I'd comment but CindyCares has it down perfectly.... (read in full...)
Need some advice about what I should expect and how I should act
Q. So a guy I've known for several years recently contacted me and we started talking a lot. He's from a different state. He asked me out and told me he thought i was cute for the longest time and every time we talk, he would say that randomly. I think ...
A. 17 June 2011: Ah the "joys" of an LDR...
Let's start with the fact that you are not seeing much hope for this relationship based on lack of common interests and life style issues.... what would you do if you guys were local?
See, LDRs are sort of in a bub... (read in full...)
Cheated on my girlfriend, in love with the other woman and my girlfriend is pregnant!
Q. I am in a sad situation and don't know what to do. In October of last year I met a woman on the internet. We started seeing each other and things were going well. I thought I was falling in love with her. Then a monkey wrench came alone in the form ...
A. 17 June 2011: staying with someone for the sake of a child is useless and wrong.
I had a friend who MARRIED a woman who said she was pregnant and he found out she was not.
Yes, you took the cowards way out seeing the GF when you knew it was over... and clea... (read in full...)
Is it true that the one who cares the least has the most power in a relationship?
Q. they say the one that cares the least has the most power- is this true? Boy, am i in trouble. I care the most....
A. 16 June 2011: i think so. totally.
the one that cares less has less to lose.
I kept telling my BF that thinking I was the one who cared more... he kept agreeing with me so I thought it was true.
Turns out I'm the powerful one here... he cares way mor... (read in full...)
Have I been too good and he's just capitalizing on my generosity?
Q. Seven months ago I met the man I thought I had waited my entire life for. He is kind caring supportive, great with my daughter and never too mired in his shit to extend himself to try and help fix my stressful situations. I knew two weeks in that ...
A. 16 June 2011: stop paying his bills and see what happens.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says that the words "I love you" are just words to him
Q. I have been in a relationship for 7 months now First, my boyfriend has expressed through actions how much he cares for me and maybe loves me but he has not said he loves me yet. This is something he was worrying about a lot about a month ago and I ...
A. 16 June 2011: oh dear...
I wish I had good advice... I have nothing but sympathy. BTDT on both counts.
My BF does NOT like to say I love you... in fact we've been together 7 months and last night was the first time he said "I think I DO love you" he ca... (read in full...)
BF upset younger sister is having a baby. Anything I can say to help?
Q. Well I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 38. Yes I know it's a big age difference but we've been together for over a year and a half and he is the love of my life. He has an older sister, a younger sister and an older brother. Obviously his older siblings ...
A. 16 June 2011: we need to know why he's upset before we can advise on what to do...... (read in full...)
Crush "technically single." What does this mean?
Q. There's this guy who I really like , thing is I fell for him before realizing he was taken.. He never spoke about his gf in group conversations or never hinted he was taken .. I've recently became his friend on fb and we chat sometimes about ...
A. 16 June 2011: ASK HIM... what does that mean.... LISTEN to what he says
sounds like he's just working it out with the GF
until it's a clean break I'd be wary... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has short fuse. Is it me? Please help me understand
Q. Hi there. My bf and I have been together for 18 months. Things are okay but I have one issue with him, his temper. He has a really bad temper and loses his cool really easily. He is not violent and I don’t think he ever would be but I struggle with ...
A. 16 June 2011: sounds a lot like my BF
and sadly sounds a lot like me.
both of us have tempers and blow up at each other..
both of us were raised in homes where yelling was ok... so we are OK with it... but it does get stressful...
we are both working... (read in full...)
My mom says I have to pick either her or my ex
Q. My ex and I broke up while I was 3months pregnant mainly because he did not have a job and my mom and him did not like each other even before I got pregnant. I have always loved him and wish I could be back with him and have a family. He now has ...
A. 16 June 2011: I'm a mom and I would never ever tell my child to choose between a love and family.
I'm sorry your mom is putting you in this position.
and while folks may not agree with me, I'm being told by some friends who are as close as family that I ha... (read in full...)
Question about feminie hygiene
Q. well i have a situation. i wash my vagina area everyday more than once and it still smells i am a virgin and everything i just dont know why it doesnt smell good?...
A. 16 June 2011: do you have itching or soreness? do you have discharge?
have you had a gyn exam yet?
maybe what you think is bad odor is just the natural flora and fauna of your body...
when you say you WASH... what are you doing? do you douche? ... (read in full...)
Is my mom being ridiculous or am I?
Q. My mom hasn't cooked dinner in over three months. If she does, its one day out of the week and the leftovers are expected to tide us over until she next cooks. Since she doesn't grocery shop often enough, I end up buying all my food or just not ...
A. 15 June 2011: interesting
mom works full time
dad works full time
you want your summer off and your whining that mommy is not coming home after her full day at work and startng second shift to cook dinner for you when you are 19??
cook dinner for her d... (read in full...)
Is it possible that professionals cannot diagnose ED?
Q. Is it really possible not be able to diagnose, cause of sexual dysfunction by professionals? They say,they dont know... How common is that, that you go to the doctors and they say, well I don't know why do you have this problem. I have a longstand...
A. 15 June 2011: have they tested your hormone levels?
what tests have you had?
do you drink?
do you smoke?
both of those contribute heavily to ED
... (read in full...)
What should I do, husband doesn't want to give me any money
Q. I got married 2 months ago with this guy and we have a 2 month old baby. I was working for the last 5 years.He told me to stop working to take care of the baby. I spent my time cooped up in the house taking care of the baby, cooking, cleaning. He ...
A. 15 June 2011: put the baby in daycare and get a job and then save every penny you can...
I actually ended my first marriage over partially this issue
he did not want me working
he would not give me money
i was a SAHM and he was the lord and master.
... (read in full...)
Is it bad for my guy to come to my place everyday?
Q. This may sound funny and stupid,but you need to help me out. Am in university and i stay in off campus,but my guy which i met stays in hostels,he don't know how to cook so he bought all the things for cooking and brought it to my lodge. So i do the ...
A. 15 June 2011: I think it sounds perfectly fine to me.
I go to my BF most of the time but that's because we are used to his place more than mine.. I wish he came to mine more...
... (read in full...)
Can I have a lasting relationship with this girl?
Q. Is it possible to have a lasting relationship with a lady who is one year younger than you. My situation is, I met this girl about 5-6 months ago we get along well and have healthy relationship upto now. I made it clear that I really love her and I ...
A. 15 June 2011: age is but a number.... if you are happy and she is happy then relax and enjoy
fwiw my bf is 13 years younger than I am.... (read in full...)
Trying to reach the big "O"
Q. Hey cupid, I've been having a problem reaching orgasm during sex for quite a while now. I've only ever reached orgasm twice during sex and with my current boyfriend I'm finding it pretty stressful because I want to make sure he knows that I'm ...
A. 15 June 2011: FWIW I do not orgasm during intercourse and I still enjoy it very very much....
stop trying so hard....... (read in full...)
Is there a reason behind me only wanting to date bigger guys?
Q. All my life (and I mean, all my life), I've been attracted to bigger (and taller) men weight wise. I'm a rather petite girl myself (my peak weight is right now at 120 lbs). And I'm rather average height for being a 21 year old woman (I'm 5'3"). I've ...
A. 15 June 2011: I wouldn't worry about it. I prefer bigger taller guys too. and thick... my ex husband is 6'4" and was nearly 500 pounds..
i'm tiny 5'2" size 6 or so....
... (read in full...)
Will lube help?
Q. Hey there. So I've had sex before--several times. With a handful of different partners. My current partner and I have been struggling though. I often have to stop early and am sore afterward. He is very well endowed and it's getting hard. I ...
A. 14 June 2011: I'll vote for WET too but
Astroglide works well too
and while more expensive I love KY Intrigueit's got a very nice feel to it... more silky... feels more like natural lubrication .
oh and all are available at Walmart.... (read in full...)
Something has changed with him and he wont answer my questions, how do I get answers?
Q. hi, I know you get this a lot but I really need help please, I have been with this guy for a long time about five years and this last periode I felt that he is not the same I tried calling him asking what's wrong I don't get an answer from him he ...
A. 14 June 2011: you told him if you didn't hear from him you were gone.
You didn't hear from him because he's taking the chicken way out to end the relationship... he's TELLING you with his ACTIONS what he wants... you need to listen to his actions.
You n... (read in full...)
I need some advice about love vs life....
Q. i am writing this looking for some advice on a life and relationship issue. i have been with my current girlfriend for about 2 1/2 years. we lived together for about six months. but in december of this past year, i decided to move out of the country ...
A. 14 June 2011: have you asked her if she's willing to wait another year?
I know with my LDR that we WANT to be together NOW but it's just not an option now.... (thankfully we can see each other most weekends)... but KNOWING that there is an end in sight makes it... (read in full...)
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