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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I don't want to like big women anymore!
Q. Okay people, I have a serious problem, I like bigger girls, like huge girls, and even making them gain weight for my pleasure, for some reason I find them highly attractive, but I don't like this attraction, I am also afraid my family would ridicule ...
A. 21 July 2011: I'm sorry but that's a lousy reason to go against what you like...
if you were gay and your family didn't like that what would you do?
eventually you will not be under your family's control.
be true to yourself.... (read in full...)
I feel like I am a bad partner because I lack a sex drive!
Q. my last question was about shemale porn and my husband, and I had wonderful replies so I am back. my new issue is my lack in the bedroom. I got that one of the reasons that he watched (or is still watching, I don't know anymore) the shemale porn was ...
A. 20 July 2011: discuss changing BCP with your doctor and explain why... it's not anything to be ashamed of.
maybe watching porn with him will make a difference too....
... (read in full...)
I don't want to like big women anymore!
Q. Okay people, I have a serious problem, I like bigger girls, like huge girls, and even making them gain weight for my pleasure, for some reason I find them highly attractive, but I don't like this attraction, I am also afraid my family would ridicule ...
A. 5 July 2011: you really can't change nature...what you are attracted to is what you are attracted to....... (read in full...)
I don't know if I could survive an LDR...should I just dump him although it would break my heart??
Q. From what I understand MOST LDRs don't work out in the end. I understand there are some, and it all depends on the relationship, and the circumstances, but for the most part, I don't have faith I could survive one. The problem is I'm just entering...
A. 4 July 2011: well sadly it will probably never change that you want to go out and he does not.... ... (read in full...)
Do you think we could get married someday?
Q. so what if im only 15...i have been dating this guy for over a year ALMOST 2 years. he is my third boyfriend. i love him so much. none of my other boyfriend were like him. he is original. he loves me. he proved it to me so many times. we're not like ...
A. 4 July 2011: more than likely NO but never say never
while I only lasted 2 1/2 years with my high school boyfriend (and folks thought we were going to get married) it did not work out...
my grandparents met in the orphanage at ages 10 and 12 they married ... (read in full...)
What's your opinion on a 17 year old girl dating a 22 year old guy, under the cirumstances?
Q. The circumstances are that they have known each other since the girl was 15 and then became close friends when the girl turned 16. Also the girl is mature about the possible relationship. What's your opinion on the age difference and chances on t...
A. 4 July 2011: 5 years at 17 and 22 is a lot.... the longer this couple waits to date the better it is...
because 5 years at 22 and 27 is not as bad....
... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity if I am ready and if it is starting to make me insecure?
Q. I am not asking this question about losing my virginity for the sake of being ''cool'' and ''popular'' becuase I am honestly an older guy who is far beyond that mindset. I am only considering losing my virginity for my own sanity and not for ...
A. 3 July 2011: I agree that dating and meeting the right woman will do wonders for this problem.... (read in full...)
I don't know if I could survive an LDR...should I just dump him although it would break my heart??
Q. From what I understand MOST LDRs don't work out in the end. I understand there are some, and it all depends on the relationship, and the circumstances, but for the most part, I don't have faith I could survive one. The problem is I'm just entering...
A. 3 July 2011: i'm not sure that LDR Is your biggest problem. Is your fiance older than you? IF not you may not be a different phases of life, you may have incompatible styles. You may like to go out and party and be out... that will not change. He may ... (read in full...)
Does a relationship work if 2 cheaters get together?
Q. Can a relationship work if both people have cheated to be together? Will it have a happy ending or not and how long roughly do cheaters stay together before things start to go wrong? ...
A. 3 July 2011: maybe
maybe
who knows
in other words... there is really no way to predict what will happen in a particular relationship....
the one thing you should look at is past history and behavior. How long have their other relationships laste... (read in full...)
Date during the break? Or sit in my room alone all the time?
Q. My girlfriend and I after having been going on / off about ten times have decided to take a three month NC break to see if the issues that were facing us around both our sets of kids, her insecurities with family and friends knowing how we met ( we ...
A. 3 July 2011: have not read the other answers yet...sorry if this is redundant but the answer is muddled.
In order to DATE during a break you would have needed to negotiate those rules before the break.
My bf and I planned to take a break after a huge... (read in full...)
Why do my nipples burn with great pain?
Q. Right, so long story short, I have been trying to conceive with no luck for just over a year. Periods have always been messed up. I'm not using any contraception. I have missed 7 periods in a row in the past and my doctor thought in the early months ...
A. 3 July 2011: well google burning nipple pain and see that the first link is to Paget's Disease at cancer.org....
call your doctor and if you have already discussed this with the current doctor then find a new doctor.... (read in full...)
Feeling withdrawn, depressed and fearful after a break-up. Is this normal?
Q. After breaking up for good with a girl I have been seeing and communicatin constantly with for the last 2 years or so I don't want to do anything but sleep or stay at home. i am ignorin calls from friends and really dont want to do anything at all. ...
A. 3 July 2011: yeah it's normal but at 2 months out, it's excessive.
in my world we allow SIX weeks to wallow.... you've had that.
time to get up slowly but surely and get back into life...
visit with your friends.... talk to them start small.
and ye... (read in full...)
Successful cheaters only, tell me your stories.
Q. Hi, I was curious to hear of stories from women who have had affairs with married men and got their happy ending. Please no slander or judgements, all I would like to hear about is stories that have come out the other side were a married man has ...
A. 3 July 2011: OH Person12345 you know what she means...
the happy girl... the one who goes from mistress to wife and then won't have to worry that there's a new mistress...
I agree with you that there is no way to have a fully happy ending when a ma... (read in full...)
Why is Divorce Ok? I am put off if I find a person is divorced.
Q. Im asking the question: Why isnt it shameful to be divorced? Why would anyone admit it? to me it makes the person look selfish and non commital really.. I have to admit it puts me off a person quite a lot. What does everyone else think? ...
A. 3 July 2011: I'm divorced. twice already with a third in the works.
I am also with a wonderful man who loves me.
Divorce is not shameful. I left my first husband because he was emotionally abusive. I left my second husband when he tried to kill me... (read in full...)
I asked a question and don't like the answer I got!
Q. I am a more touchy-feely person than my wife is. I think she is incredibly sexy and to show her I think so and to be affectionate I like to lightly slap or rub her bum for instance when she is standing at the sink doing dishes. It's a cheap th...
A. 3 July 2011: I have to agree with your wife.
while it would NOT bother me if my man smacked my tush when walking by... it would not indicate to me that he found me attractive or desirable.
I don't find my tush attractive or desirable. You want to show... (read in full...)
Is it ok to carry on liking somebody even if they are taken?
Q. If someone (A) likes someone else (B), on an extreme level and for a long amount of time, but B does not openly return their affections and shortly enters into a relationship with another person, C, is morally and/or socially "wrong" for A to ...
A. 2 July 2011: feelings are fine
as long as:
a. you do not act on them (stalking, emailing, trying to get with the person)
and
b. they do not negatively impact on your life (you are heading to work/school in a prepared timely manner, you are payi... (read in full...)
Does width really matter?
Q. I've been generally comfortable with my equipment most of my life. It's a good size and I enjoy using it. :-) Lately I've learned a few things that have caused some insecurity, so I'm doing some research to get at the truth. I'm dating women in...
A. 2 July 2011: OY!
I am 51 I have had thick, thin, middle of the road, long short etc...
I just left a husband who was very thick but I still never orgasmed during intercourse... in fact I have only ever once done that.... it just does NOT happen... he... (read in full...)
Shall I give him the silent treatment after him not replying to my text?
Q. I've been seeing this guy pretty regularly for the past 6 months now. We normally go out 2-4 times a week and text every day or so. Anyway, we last met on Mon and he said' we'd meet on Fri, late afternoon. Cool. So, I organized my chores and duties ...
A. 2 July 2011: I think the silent treatment is childish and immature.
Sometimes text messages don't get delivered since they are piggybacked on other data bits in the network....
He texted you... granted I think a phone call would have been a better way but... (read in full...)
He didnt talk to me at all about his new house...should I support him in this decision?
Q. My boyfriend just got a new house. He wants to go shopping to get stuff for the house, but i see no point in helping him out. He bought this house without even talking to me about it. I feel so hurt that he doesn't understand why I don't want to do ...
A. 2 July 2011: I agree with CindyCares.
IF you were not dating a long time then it's not a faux pas. However if you guys were seriously involved and long term, then he should have discussed it with you....
but you need to talk to him about it.... (read in full...)
FWB who has moved to another state, wants to take our relationship to the next level. Now he wants nude pics of mine. Thoughts?
Q. So here's my dilemma, I a 20yr old woman and last year I left a 4yr relationship and I knew I wanted to be single for a while but as we all know not everything goes as planned. A few months after my break up I met a 23yr old guy in November...
A. 2 July 2011: I love my LDR boyfriend very much... I trust him totally he's 38 and would NOT spread my pictures around if i gave him any but I will NOT give him nude pictures... NOT happening... there is no need for it. would you want your daddy to see ... (read in full...)
What is more pleasurable?
Q. Just out of curiosity what is more pleasurable vaginal or anal sex for both the guy and the girl?...
A. 2 July 2011: yes it can be pleasurable and yes it can hurt
start small with maybe your smallest finger.... use lots of lube...
some men really like anal penetration and some do not... it's not a sign of being gay or bi and it's not a sign of anything oth... (read in full...)
What is more pleasurable?
Q. Just out of curiosity what is more pleasurable vaginal or anal sex for both the guy and the girl?...
A. 1 July 2011: I just asked my bf for you ...
38 yr old male likes both prefers vaginal
there's ONE data point...... (read in full...)
What is more pleasurable?
Q. Just out of curiosity what is more pleasurable vaginal or anal sex for both the guy and the girl?...
A. 1 July 2011: ah now my day is complete...... (read in full...)
Does the guy I have feelings for really like me, or should I just go date the other guy who I like less but for sure likes me??
Q. Hi, please can you give me your opinions on this situation. I met a guy in March this year. We started seeing each other or so I thought. I asked him after 8 weeks how he felt about me. He said it was just sex so I broke contact with him and told ...
A. 1 July 2011: I wouldn't even text him... that gives him attention and feeds a need.
just delete him and ignore him...
best of luck to you!... (read in full...)
She has torn my family apart but will not speak to her family about our relationship!
Q. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-left-my-wife-for-her-and-now.html this is my previous post.... now to update a little... i have received 3 phone calls this week from ELF and she has finally told me her reasons for ending it: She d...
A. 1 July 2011: why would you resign from your job? I'd not do that. I hope you can get it back...
as for her dragging her feet...clearly she was with you in the beginning because you were "safe" you were married... there was no threat that you would be ava... (read in full...)
I feel like I am a bad partner because I lack a sex drive!
Q. my last question was about shemale porn and my husband, and I had wonderful replies so I am back. my new issue is my lack in the bedroom. I got that one of the reasons that he watched (or is still watching, I don't know anymore) the shemale porn was ...
A. 1 July 2011: have you always had a lower drive or is this a new issue?... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't need me as much?
Q. My boyfriend and I chat online everyday, but sometimes work gets in the way, and days go by. My boyfriend rarely uses his phone, and he doesnt like texting me often, because we're LDR and its expensive for him, though I've offered to help pay. ...
A. 1 July 2011: have you met this BF in real life yet? how long have you been together? how often can/do you see each other?
my bf does not need daily contact but he deals with it because I do... sometimes it's just email... he hates to text...
and yes life ... (read in full...)
I feel like I am sacrificing a lot and he is not having to sacrifice anything! Am I being selfish?
Q. In a long distance relationship for 2 years. When my fiancé and I got engaged we agreed that I would move to his city he has a son there from a previous relationship and I don’t have children. It would be reasonably easy for me to find a job there ...
A. 1 July 2011: well i am in a similar position except that my bf is moving down from his state to be with me....
and yes I've given up a lot of things for him... so maybe you need to talk to him about what you need from him to feel better...
for example... (read in full...)
FWB who has moved to another state, wants to take our relationship to the next level. Now he wants nude pics of mine. Thoughts?
Q. So here's my dilemma, I a 20yr old woman and last year I left a 4yr relationship and I knew I wanted to be single for a while but as we all know not everything goes as planned. A few months after my break up I met a 23yr old guy in November...
A. 1 July 2011: I would NOT send nude pics... maybe pinup pics.. but nothing nude....
my boyfriend lives in another state and we are very much a committed couple... but we are only a 2 hour drive apart and plan to close the distance by the end of the year... ... (read in full...)
We have a great relationship except for the fact that I am just his girlfriend, and he doesn't EVER want to marry me.
Q. I hope someone can help me with this problem. I am back in the dating scene after 10 years of marriage. I NEVER thought I would want to get married again, but I have found someone that I don't want to live without. When we began dating, I made i...
A. 1 July 2011: I really like YouWish's answer!
it's not just the paper... you sense something OP that makes you question his commitment to you....
my bf has said over and over he's never getting married.... and yet even in the short time we've been toget... (read in full...)
Why wont he take his profile down from an online dating site?
Q. I just got back with my boyfriend and he is still on match.com. I know he is not active on there but his profile is posted and he is still a paying member. And women can contact him. You know last time we broke up he stayed posted on there too and ...
A. 1 July 2011: he's not doing it for the attention.
He MAY be doing it just because it's a pain to get off the site... my bf is having issues getting off of Cougar Life... ugh..
personally hon, if he's active on a dating site (can you check the last time he... (read in full...)
To threesome or not to threesome...mature answers only please!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years now. Recently, we've hit a few rough patches and I'm trying to spice up and revive our relationship. One of his fantasies is to have a threesome with a woman that neither one of us ...
A. 30 June 2011: As a person that was monogamous then in an open marriage that landed me with my current partner with whom I am again monogamous, I can tell you that if you have any concerns over whether or not to do this, I strongly caution against it, if you want ... (read in full...)
Should I leave him and look for someone who puts in more effort?
Q. Should I break up with my boyfriend? He has great wonderful qualities, and I do love him, but I feel like he doesn't put a lot of effort into our relationship. I don't know if my expectations are too high, but are there guys out there who really ...
A. 30 June 2011: What do you mean by effort?? hard to say if you should leave or not as your expectations may be outrageous. ... (read in full...)
Does anyone else sneeze when they get horny?
Q. Does anyone else sneeze when they get horny? I have had this happen to me for many years. Whenever I get really horny, or think of something very erotic, I often start a sneezing fit. It's like the blood or adrenaline rushes to my head and ...
A. 30 June 2011: i sneeze when I am full at the end of a meal.
we call it sneezuries cause i do so many sneezes.
it's also marks the end of my meal.... (read in full...)
Questions regarding a threesome...
Q. My boyfriend really wants a threesome. It will be me and him (obviously) and one of his friends, who is male. I have told him i wasnt interested but he is kinda talking me into it. however i do need some questions asking. Is it a good idea to be ha...
A. 30 June 2011: if you don't want to do it DON'T DO IT.
i come from an open marriage... it will only work if both parties are totally committed to the openness.
if you are hesitant it will not work.
say no,... (read in full...)
Emotionally abusive, untrusting, 10 year older boyfriend wants kids with me NOW, or else he's gone.
Q. Hello everyone. Some background info for my question: I'm 22, my boyfriend is 32. We've been living together about 2 years. We have had some problems in the past due to his emotional unstability. He has been jealous and paranoid, he has been emo...
A. 30 June 2011: if you are not ready to have kids then don't have them.
if he's emotionally blackmailing you into having kids that's not a good thing.
personally as hard as it is... i think letting him go might be in your best interest... (read in full...)
Will going on the pill mean I will put on weight? Or should I see a gynacologist instead?
Q. i'm currently in a relationship with an amazing guy. he's the first boyfriend i've ever had and the first person iv'e had any sexual contact whatsoever with. I also recently lost my virginity to him as well, and he wore a condom both times we'v...
A. 30 June 2011: i think you should go discuss this with a gyn... some pills may make you gain , some may not. discuss this with your doctor.... i know that when i was much younger and had debilitating periods, the bcp helped me be functional.... (read in full...)
Does the guy I have feelings for really like me, or should I just go date the other guy who I like less but for sure likes me??
Q. Hi, please can you give me your opinions on this situation. I met a guy in March this year. We started seeing each other or so I thought. I asked him after 8 weeks how he felt about me. He said it was just sex so I broke contact with him and told ...
A. 30 June 2011: I agree
guy number one just wants sex.. he already told you that
and it would not be fair to guy number 2 if you went out with him pretending to have feelings for him.
it's scary to be alone but I promise it won't be forever.... (read in full...)
Is he a player? Does he love me? Or is it all just a joke?
Q. Okay, well i have Question .. There is this guy i met, and im not shure if he likes mee .. On his facebook it says he is in a relationship, and there is this girl that writes on his wall, ' i love you ' . and he said it back, and then when i ...
A. 30 June 2011: he's not waiting for you the way you want him too.
You are too young to even consider a player.... and I'm too old....
just live well... be happy and like EWO said.. check in with mom and dad frequently.... ... (read in full...)
Guy I like broke up with me after seeing blood from my period during sex. What can I do??
Q. I had a huge crush on somebody that I met 3 years ago. He was so cute and from another state. From the first time we met, we knew exactly that we were attracted to each other. He stayed at the hotel and we exchanged our cell phone numbers. The sex ...
A. 30 June 2011: I had this happen once with a guy.. but it was because my period started during sex... he never called again..
You needed to tell him first... some guys freak out more than others.
but to be honest.. it sounds like all he was interested in... (read in full...)
No pregnancy options?
Q. I haven't had sex, and I don't plan on it anytime soon, but I am curious. If I were to be on the pill, have the guy have a condom on, make him pull out properly, and take the morning after pill...what are the chances I would become pregnant? Is it ...
A. 30 June 2011: birth control pills taken properly and consistently will probably prevent pregnancy....
a condom for sexual health (STD protection) will also protect against pregnancy...
with both a condom and properly taken birth control pills, I'd not e... (read in full...)
Ex and I slept together, but I feel insecure because she's blonder, and smarter than I am
Q. my ex boyfriend and I broke up about eight months ago and I still can't get over it, we dated for two years, I was twenty and he was thirty-two, first my family was against it because of the age difference, they said he was just using me but that ...
A. 30 June 2011: forget him
think about the fact that he cheated on the woman he is currently with. and he cheated on you. this means even if you had a shot of getting back with him (and I don't think you do), wouldn't you always wonder if he was cheating... (read in full...)
Am I abusive to my bf?
Q. I am a girl, but I come from a long line of very similar men. I take after my father in personality, and that personality includes some obsessive behavior and addictive behavior. I'm worried I may have also inherited some of the family abusive ...
A. 30 June 2011: you are very wise to see the problems with your anger management.
Yes you are being abusive. Name calling is emotional abuse and must stop. Hitting... NOT ALLOWED. does not matter that you are a girl.
can you find some anger managemen... (read in full...)
I don't want to like big women anymore!
Q. Okay people, I have a serious problem, I like bigger girls, like huge girls, and even making them gain weight for my pleasure, for some reason I find them highly attractive, but I don't like this attraction, I am also afraid my family would ridicule ...
A. 29 June 2011: I am a former BBW I was a size 26/28 and I Had men after me all the time.
IF you prefer big girls then revel in it and enjoy it. There is nothing wrong with you having a preference...
it's like saying "I'm gay and I don't want to be"
... (read in full...)
I'm 14, he's 21. Can we take this relationship any further?
Q. so i met this guy on the spot (a dating site on the ipod touch) and we've been talking,video chatting, and texting for 2 months now. well, 2 weeks after we started talking, he told me that he was 21 and in the airforce. the problem is, im 14. he ...
A. 29 June 2011: Dear one,
does your mom or dad know about this man? are you afraid to tell them? perhaps because you know that it's not going to be allowable till you are 18...
you can stay CASUAL NON SEXUAL internet friends online... but until ... (read in full...)
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