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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is a one-sided fling okay?
Q. So I am living in Hawaii until December. I came out here for school and intended to leave earlier. I met a guy who told me he's falling in love with me. I like being around him and compared to my previous boyfriends, he doesn't annoy me. There ...
A. 1 October 2011: sounds like a great plan... have fun till december then re-evaluate.
Now if he says he will go with you what do you think you will want to do... because he may be hoping you ask him to go with you...... (read in full...)
If your son/daughter came home and told you they were pregnant or got someone pregnant, how would you respond?
Q. How would you respond if your son/daughter came home and told you they either got or is pregnant? And I mean out of wedlock, at a young age. Around 16-18 years old. Last week, my mom told me she would be dissapointed in me, but supportive. It got me ...
A. 30 September 2011: To the anonymous 14 yr old: YOU are very wise and mature for 14. Sounds to me like you've put good thought into being responsible. I would be proud to call you my child.
When my stepdaughter was 15 she was brave enough to come to me and ask for ... (read in full...)
Sometimes I feel its wrong for loving this man!
Q. I've had relationship after relationship and most of them were at least 19 years older or so... i've also been with some my age. I currently am 20 and my intimate other is 28 years older. I know the whole being depeived of a father figure is the ...
A. 30 September 2011: Age once a person is over 18 is not relevant if you are both happy.
it doesn't make you wrong.
you really can't control who you love only what you do about it.
HOWEVER, if you believe your need for older men is based on issues with your fat... (read in full...)
I don't really want any contact with her, but I feel I should wish her a happy birthday
Q. In a nut shell my ex's birthday is coming up and part of me wants to wish her a happy birthday and the other half doesn't because I don't want any contact with her, but im not a horrible person and I don't want to feel like a bitch because I didnt ...
A. 30 September 2011: I would just leave it.... it's over and done.... (read in full...)
He is 40 and I am 25. Is that too old if you both like each other?
Q. im 25 and the guy i like is 40. is that too old if you both like each other? and do older men think 25 is to young? im pretty mature i mean ifinished grad school, and still live with my parents but am looking to eventually move out.. i was wondering ...
A. 30 September 2011: it doesn't matter what OTHER men think, it only matters what you and your partner think.
it's 15 years... you're both adults, neither married to other people... go for it.
FWIW, my bf is 13 years younger than I am.... (read in full...)
Am I being emotionally abused? He is an alcoholic and uses manipulation and guilt to control me.
Q. 22 years ago I fell in love with my high school sweetheart. After graduation we parted ways and I moved out of state. We reconnected last year on facebook and have been together ever since. He is an alcoholic and uses manipulation and guilt to cont...
A. 30 September 2011: You may or may not be emotionally abused but you are involved with an alcoholic and I suggest that you look into something like Al-anon. You cannot fix him. You can only control and take care of yourself.
... (read in full...)
Shouldn't my periods be normal by now?
Q. Ok so I'm almost 14, I first got my period right before I turned 9 so my periods should be normal by now right.?. Well it has been a month or 2 sicen I hav gotten my period I still get the PMS symtomps but I dont get my period and and I am NOT ...
A. 30 September 2011: is this you: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/does-this-happen-to-teen-girls-is-it.html
if you are worried you can make your period even later. Stress will do that.
ask mom or dad to schedule your first GYN appointment so you can discuss it w... (read in full...)
Could I really just be a late bloomer?
Q. Okay, I'm honestly starting to believe I'm a late bloomer. Both my dad and my brother are both hairy guys. I'm 19 and my navel hair is just starting to kick in. Everybody keeps saying, "Oh some guys don't grow hair on their bodies." Bullshit, Both ...
A. 30 September 2011: Just because your dad and brother are hairy does not mean you will be. and much like CindyCare's son my BF invests hours weekly (and the cost of implements etc) into body grooming...
Hair is not what makes you a man.
and like everyone else ha... (read in full...)
Should just keep him out of our lives. And deny access to his child? But is it the right thing to do ?
Q. Hi i am in a situation with my baby's father apparently he's with someone else now and we just broke up last week. It hurts to know that he's with the one girl he cheated on me last weekend but i am just doing fine what i wanted to ask was i dont ...
A. 30 September 2011: IF you feel that the children are not safe with him then you need to take this to court.
Here in the United States one parent cannot refuse visitation with the other parent unless there is a court order for no contact or supervised visitati... (read in full...)
Does this happen to teen girls? Is it normal? My periods are irregular.
Q. Ok so I'm almost 14, I first got my period right before I turned 9 so my periods should be normal by now right? Well it has been a month or two since and I have not had my period. I still get the PMS symptoms. But I dont get my period and I am NOT ...
A. 30 September 2011: Yes it can be normal. My periods were irregular for years and years. Do you keep track on a calendar of the day you start? Just a small red dot or the letter P on your calendar.. keeping track is important
At 14 it's probably time for you to s... (read in full...)
My family thinks I'm too young for this marriage
Q. hello i need someones opinion. im getting married in November but my family does not think that is the best choice. they say that if i get married im going to be miserable that im going to want to I've my life later on in the future and im going t ...
A. 30 September 2011: I see a huge red flag here... " i need to get out of my house "
are you marrying this man so you can get out of the house?
I THOUGHT and I guess I was madly in love with my first husband who I married at age 21. We seperated when I was... (read in full...)
We're desperate for some 'alone time' to take things to the next level
Q. Okay. To clarify- we're both legal and certain that we want to take our relationship to 'the next level', so please don't judge me -_- Basically, I live with my parents and sister, and he lives with his mom and sister. They never seem to be out o...
A. 30 September 2011: I'll make the suggestion of a hotel room....
Even now, with my own home, there is something magical about being in a hotel with my love....
and please take all the necessary precautions... birth control pills or another form of birth contro... (read in full...)
If your son/daughter came home and told you they were pregnant or got someone pregnant, how would you respond?
Q. How would you respond if your son/daughter came home and told you they either got or is pregnant? And I mean out of wedlock, at a young age. Around 16-18 years old. Last week, my mom told me she would be dissapointed in me, but supportive. It got me ...
A. 30 September 2011: 14 year old bodies are NOT designed to support the growing teen and a growing healthy baby. 14 year old minds are not capable of properly processing all the things that go on hormonally and mentally with a pregnancy. FOURTEEN YEAR OLD CHILDREN ... (read in full...)
Irregular periods have me worried!
Q. hey friends. . I havnt had my period this sep. . I did have it twice last month. .earlier and month end. . Its irregular periods but why is it happening when i havent had sex since june? Please help. Any help would be appreciated. .thanx....
A. 30 September 2011: Do you count the days between your cycle. I found that I had a varied cycle until after my children were born... and I could go anywhere from 27 to 35 days.... or occasionally longer...
If you have a 28-32 day cycle it's possible to have two... (read in full...)
I can't get hard when we try to have sex for the fourth time in a night. Should I be worried?
Q. me and my girlfriend have been together about a month now and we have had sex multible times and it was amazing. ive never had a problem getting hard for her even after having sex with her to go again. but my question is after the 3rd time of ...
A. 30 September 2011: sounds pretty normal to me...... (read in full...)
How normal, or how often, is it likely a person could get depressed by what their loved one says?
Q. How normal or often is it to get depressed by what your loved one says? sometimes I feel like I was in a better place before I talk to my boyfriend. He's very politically centered, and I just don't like politics. everything has to be poli...
A. 29 September 2011: I do things for my boyfriend that I sometimes don't want to do.. play certain board games I don't like because he likes them and he likes to game... but in general I LIKE GAMING so it's not that big a stretch for me.
IF I was with a man who want... (read in full...)
If your son/daughter came home and told you they were pregnant or got someone pregnant, how would you respond?
Q. How would you respond if your son/daughter came home and told you they either got or is pregnant? And I mean out of wedlock, at a young age. Around 16-18 years old. Last week, my mom told me she would be dissapointed in me, but supportive. It got me ...
A. 29 September 2011: Basically the same thing... tears and disappointment but unconditional love for my child.
oh and if under 16.. mandatory abortion.... (read in full...)
I'm 13 weeks pregnant but still have signs of blood when I use the bathrrom
Q. im 13 weeks pregnent and when i go to toilet ( number 2) i always have blood when i wipe myself or in the toilet sumtimes its lots other times its not but never strong enought to go onto my underwear Whats wrong with me ??????...
A. 29 September 2011: this is best asked of a medical doctor. NOT strangers on the internet.... (read in full...)
He deleted some girls off Facebook when I said I don't like them, but then a few months later they are back! What can I do?
Q. MY Bf live in US and i live in greece so we just talk and chat everyday,before i told him that i hate those bit*** on his facebook friendlist and he removed them,later because of studying i deactived my facebook profile and then after 2 or 3 month ...
A. 29 September 2011: You are very far apart have you guys even met IRL?
you have to have faith and trust and communication in an LDR.
you also have to have a plan and a goal to end the LDR...
what's your plan to end this LDR? is it the same as his plan?... (read in full...)
Did I cause offense? Should I apologise?
Q. I attended a get together with some friends the other day. These were a new group of friends so i got to chatting with some of them. There was this one girl who i started to chat to and we got a good conversation going. The conversation eventually ...
A. 29 September 2011: I don't think you did anything offensive but it's rather surprising... I mean it sounds like you have something to hide...
If when you see her it seems appropriate you may want to ask her if you offended her and take it from there based on what ... (read in full...)
Should I stay in this baby mama drama relationship?
Q. I`ve been in a relationship with someone for 7 months he told me about the other lady that he use to have a relationship with she has 1yr old twins that she said are his they are waiting on dna test result but he is attached to the kids and she ...
A. 29 September 2011: IF he stands up to her and he is the bio dad and takes his responsibility towards his children seriously AND protects you from HER craziness (possibly with a court order) then I think it can be done but HE HAS TO BE A MAN about this and protect you ... (read in full...)
Feeling confused about this relationship
Q. Feeling Confused: I am in a long distance relationship with someone who I love very much. We talk everyday for aprox an hour. Now I am feeling confused about he feels. He lives with his Dad and I still live with my ex husband. A situation I know i...
A. 29 September 2011: Well if he can't even have a relationship with you in front of his father then you may have bigger issues than talking too much. Even if a man lives with his parents for various reasons at 30 plus he should be having his own life even in their ... (read in full...)
He never wants to get married because he is afraid a woman will take away his money.
Q. I've been married for 20 years. It was a loveless marriage and Im glad that I had the courage to end it. I've got my own house now and a part time job which I can manage to support myself. I've met this man 16 years older than me. I've been with ...
A. 29 September 2011: IF you are unhappy about how he manages his money and you have fundamental differences on how to spend and save then this will NOT change. it will continue.
IF you are NOT happy about it now, you will NOT be happy about it later.
While a prenu... (read in full...)
Am I just over analyzing things and should I keep on, or is this one a lost cause already?
Q. Hey Guys, So I'm back again with a new question... Okay, so I knew of a girl beforehand never spoken to her before though and after a night out, she sent me a friend request on fbook, so I accepted as I think she's a good looking girl and wo...
A. 29 September 2011: I'd give it a couple of shots if she blows you off two more times yeah she's sending mixed signals and is conflicted as well... but one or two more tries can't hurt.... (read in full...)
She saved herself for marriage, but we went too far! She's been crying for days!
Q. I was an arse. I've been with this woman for a year and she has been saving herself for marriage. Last week, she asked me to let her experience only a bit of myself and I impulsively took her. She hasn't stopped crying for days. She says she lov...
A. 29 September 2011: BASED on what you are saying she asked for you to do what you did. YOU complied to the best of your ability.
She is being unfair. SHE asked. and ANY penetration whether halfway or all the way is still Penetration.
IF you planned to ask h... (read in full...)
I had unprotected sex and am now afraid I caught something!
Q. I had unprotected sex with 2 different guys just 5 days ago. I was super drunk and didn't care for what I was doing. The next night I had unprotected sex with my bf for the first time. I know of his past, he has slept with a few other women. 2 ...
A. 29 September 2011: could be a UTI and I rarely have belly pain with those.
but you do need to have full STD screening now and again in 6 months and also it's probably too late for the morning after pill... so if you are not on BCP you may be pregnant.
see a... (read in full...)
How do you know if a marriage will last?
Q. How do you know if a marriage would last between you and your love?...
A. 29 September 2011: You don't sadly. Life is about taking chances.
... (read in full...)
Do all guys use girls?
Q. Why do all the guys i know say they like but just want to use me for sex? Then the guys i do like will like my friends or just stay long enough to get wat they want then wen they do they stop talking to me until they want something else? Are all ...
A. 29 September 2011: They do when girls LET THEM.
Stop being sexual with these boys.
... (read in full...)
I have a secret ultimatum.
Q. I've given myself a timeline that if he doesn't propose to me by then, I'm going to focus my life on something new. Ive been with him for a few years, and last year October he mentioned he was going to propose in Feburary... its now nearly October ...
A. 29 September 2011: you should only give an ultimatum if you are willing to follow through with the consequences.
BUT do you really want to marry a man you had to force to marry you?... (read in full...)
Is a one-sided fling okay?
Q. So I am living in Hawaii until December. I came out here for school and intended to leave earlier. I met a guy who told me he's falling in love with me. I like being around him and compared to my previous boyfriends, he doesn't annoy me. There ...
A. 29 September 2011: if you let him know your plans and intentions and you are not leading him on, then I personally see no problem with you spending time with him. just continue to be open and honest and do not lead him on.... (read in full...)
G/f says she cant have sex due to "girl issues", but she's not on her period. What else could it be?
Q. My girlfreind says she cant have sex due to girl issues.But shes not on her period.What else could it be?...
A. 29 September 2011: Did you ask her what it was? IF I told my partner I could NOT have sex due to girl issues he'd NOT take that for an answer.. he'd want to know WHAT girl issues and DID HE NEED to get me medical attention.....
If you are close enough to ha... (read in full...)
How can I support him? Could he be lying to cope with his parents' divorce?
Q. Hi, I have this very good guy friend. He is a really good guy, very sweet and usually an honest person. About two weeks ago he texted me he wasn't going to be in school. I asked why, and he said family issues. I told him I hope eveythings ok and h...
A. 29 September 2011: It's possible he's lyiing.
It's also possible that his parents THOUGHT they would get divorced and after MORE talking they are going to try to make the marriage work.
... (read in full...)
Am I just over analyzing things and should I keep on, or is this one a lost cause already?
Q. Hey Guys, So I'm back again with a new question... Okay, so I knew of a girl beforehand never spoken to her before though and after a night out, she sent me a friend request on fbook, so I accepted as I think she's a good looking girl and wo...
A. 29 September 2011: doesn't sound lost to me either... just that she's busy and your timing is off....
persist in trying to make a date with her that works for both of you...
and stop over thinking it.... (read in full...)
Feeling confused about this relationship
Q. Feeling Confused: I am in a long distance relationship with someone who I love very much. We talk everyday for aprox an hour. Now I am feeling confused about he feels. He lives with his Dad and I still live with my ex husband. A situation I know i...
A. 29 September 2011: How far apart are you?
a couple of things NO ONE is on call for a job 24/7 full time. He has to have down time.
My bf/fiance is 2 hours away by car. we email and talk daily but it's been a long time since we had an hour long conversatio... (read in full...)
Will more women be interested if I lose some weight?
Q. I am a guy who was always on the smaller, scrawnier side. I could eat Ding Dongs and drink soda all day and I weighed 165 at 5'10" at age 17. Long story short, I am now 6 feet tall and 210. I think an ideal weight for me is about 190. I th...
A. 29 September 2011: 6 feet and 210 is fine in my book but i don't like lean muscular men... my current BF has picked up about 20 pounds since we are dating and I prefer him with a bit of meat on his bones...
IF you lose the weight and find a woman who is only int... (read in full...)
My family wont accept my boyfriend!
Q. I am 26 yrs old, my partner's 28, yet my parents will not and cannot accept him. He's Black Canadian, I'm Canadian by birth but my family is of Lithuanian descent, so that makes us Lithuanian-Canadians. However, they won't accept him AT ALL....
A. 29 September 2011: Sadly you will probably for a while have to make a choice.
Remember you have to live your life for YOU and if you love your partner and want to build a life with him you will have to stand your ground with your parents.
I am willing to bet t... (read in full...)
My paramour told my husband that he used me for sex. I am now trying to rebuild my marriage but how can I get over the pain of this affair?
Q. My affair ended 7 weeks ago when my husband caught me out. I have been married for 25 years,my marraige had been going through a very bad patch for about 3 years and i decided to attend an evening class where this guy was the teacher. At first we...
A. 29 September 2011: is your husband willing to go to therapy to work this anger through?... (read in full...)
Is there any way I can get him to see me for me? How can I make him want me?
Q. ivee met this guy a few years ago..he caught my eye the moment i saw him..but back then i was young and went for what i wanted,he stuck around which i was because i guess he liked me,one weekend we both ended up at the same club next thing led to ...
A. 29 September 2011: so date him. go out with him do NOT sleep with him.
IF he wants you he will court you..... even in this day and age....... (read in full...)
Can you get pregnant if a woman doesn't reach orgasm?
Q. Hi every one! I've been wondering and would like to know that can a woman get pregnant if she still doesn't reach orgasm? If yes how does it happen? Thanks for your time reading this and thanks for your answers in advance. ...
A. 29 September 2011: oh heck yes... orgasm has NOTHING to do with a woman getting pregnant....
how does it happen?
sperm meets egg in the fallopian tubes... eggs are released monthly based on hormones NOT based on orgasms.... (read in full...)
Pregnant with his baby and he said he wanted to get married but now he has changed his mind!
Q. hey im in a relationship and i am having a baby, i am having a boy, i am 7months and the guy im with we been together for 3years and were young lovers but he treats me like he loves me, and then another minute he acts dumb but i love him dearly. man ...
A. 29 September 2011: I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this.
I hope your parents are supportive.
As for the baby's father, you are very young and I assume so is he... and his saying he does not want to get married are words you need to LISTEN to. ... (read in full...)
Does this make him gay?
Q. My bf told me that he is bi and likes me to use a dildo on him. Does that make him gay? I'm afraid I will lose him because he might want to be with a guy. He loves sex with me and I turn him on. He also tells me he loves me . He says he doesn't ...
A. 29 September 2011: NO it makes him BI...
he told you he was bisexual.
sounds a lot like my guy who is NOT attracted to men but likes to receive anal stimulation....
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of two years dumped me a week before my 21st birthday
Q. I'm completely devastated right now. My boyfriend of two years just broke up with me, for the second time, and it's a week before my 21st. I feel helpless and lost and I don't know what to do. This might be sort of long. Some backstory:...
A. 29 September 2011: I'm sorry you are in pain but he's always been pretty straight forward with you in terms of saying he's not ready for the level of commitment you are ready for.
LDRs are hard. I'm in one. we are only 100 miles apart and are on an every weekend ... (read in full...)
I love him. If he was doing his part, would I be cheating? But am I wrong?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together 9 months, known each other 3 years, havent seen each other in 3 months, spoke on the phone once in those 3 months. our primary form of communication is texting. And sometimes we go a week without a text, es...
A. 28 September 2011: ok so why do you consider a man who never sees you, never calls you, never tells you he loves you, doesn't want to live with you, doesn't do his part etc etc etc your boyfriend?
YOU are cheating on him and mad at him.
are you in love with HIM... (read in full...)
My paramour told my husband that he used me for sex. I am now trying to rebuild my marriage but how can I get over the pain of this affair?
Q. My affair ended 7 weeks ago when my husband caught me out. I have been married for 25 years,my marraige had been going through a very bad patch for about 3 years and i decided to attend an evening class where this guy was the teacher. At first we...
A. 28 September 2011: Hugs to you Mae, I was not around this site when your situation first happened...
My take on this: Karma baby Karma. YOU have to live your life in the best way YOU can and not worry about others because when push comes to shove in the long run... (read in full...)
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