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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Am I overreacting? I have told her how uncomfortable it makes me feel but she says I can't tell her what to do....
Q. Hi all, Right been with my partner for 2 years and basically an old friend of hers from school found her on the dreaded facebook. He is a 17 year old guy from pakistan who is always with his older brother. Now my gf has alot of guys friend and ...
A. 1 October 2011: OK my take on this goes two ways... ONE she's trying to get you to end it so she can be with this other guy or TWO... (and what I would mean if I said what she said) is that "yes I find him attractive and IF you were not my partner I would consider ... (read in full...)
I've been hoping we'd lead to marriage but haven't seen him since 2008!
Q. I am in a Long distance relationship. I met someone back in 2007 he was here on contract from the states and we worked in the same department for a yr, anyways cut short we started dating and he went back and i promised him i would come to th...
A. 1 October 2011: Hugs to you... this too shall pass. And there is NO CRIME in having hope and faith... and using this as a lesson...
feel free to contact me in private if you want to vent about it. BTDT....... (read in full...)
He's 32 years older, and past the bedroom we don't have much in common. Do I break it off?
Q. hi, i am 18 and have fallen head over heels in love with a man that is 32 years older then me. I am in love but I also know the relationship is doomed as past the bedroom we don't have that much in common. We have been having sex for about a year ...
A. 30 September 2011: the age is not what's making this impossible.
Tell me all the things you do with this man other than have sex...
concerts?
movies?
dinner?
why or why not?... (read in full...)
My paramour told my husband that he used me for sex. I am now trying to rebuild my marriage but how can I get over the pain of this affair?
Q. My affair ended 7 weeks ago when my husband caught me out. I have been married for 25 years,my marraige had been going through a very bad patch for about 3 years and i decided to attend an evening class where this guy was the teacher. At first we...
A. 29 September 2011: is your husband willing to go to therapy to work this anger through?... (read in full...)
I love him. If he was doing his part, would I be cheating? But am I wrong?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together 9 months, known each other 3 years, havent seen each other in 3 months, spoke on the phone once in those 3 months. our primary form of communication is texting. And sometimes we go a week without a text, es...
A. 28 September 2011: ok so why do you consider a man who never sees you, never calls you, never tells you he loves you, doesn't want to live with you, doesn't do his part etc etc etc your boyfriend?
YOU are cheating on him and mad at him.
are you in love with HIM... (read in full...)
What do I do? Would it be bad if I did have sex with him next time?
Q. I met this guy online and we've been talking for a month now. We had finally met last week, and have hung out two nights since. The first night we met, he took me to dinner and we hung out at his house after. We were cuddling on the couch watchi...
A. 28 September 2011: STOP going over to his house and making out with him....
seriously... if you want to have a real relationship with him then have one... right now your just teasing...
go out spend time doing things with him... stop teasing him with hou... (read in full...)
What are the tell tale signs that two people are romantically involved?
Q. What are the tell tale signs that two people are romantically involved particularly are having sex. I think two of my close friends [male and female] are doing the nasty.... yet both of them are married to other people. I dont know if its all in my ...
A. 28 September 2011: explain to me how YOU would be caught in the middle
you didn't set it up
you know nothing
so NOT your problem.... (read in full...)
What are the tell tale signs that two people are romantically involved?
Q. What are the tell tale signs that two people are romantically involved particularly are having sex. I think two of my close friends [male and female] are doing the nasty.... yet both of them are married to other people. I dont know if its all in my ...
A. 28 September 2011: you can't.
but if you think it's enough of your business to worry about it you could ask them.....
in other words unless the person is sleeping with YOUR Partner I'm not sure it's YOUR business.... (read in full...)
I'm not emotionally or financially ready to move in with him, what should I say to him?
Q. have been with my boyfriend for just over 8 months, he told me he loved me after 8 weeks (we had been family friends for years and very close friends for about 2 even when at different universities) Recently he moved out so for the past 2 and a...
A. 28 September 2011: you should tell him just what you told us.
it might make him feel insecure but be true to yourself.... (read in full...)
He's 32 years older, and past the bedroom we don't have much in common. Do I break it off?
Q. hi, i am 18 and have fallen head over heels in love with a man that is 32 years older then me. I am in love but I also know the relationship is doomed as past the bedroom we don't have that much in common. We have been having sex for about a year ...
A. 28 September 2011: Yeah I would call it a day. IF the only thing you have in common is sex it's going to be hard to have a relationship.... (read in full...)
Unexpected! I just don't want this....What can I do or say to get her to stay?
Q. Hey there everyone I need some help on my relationship. My GF and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. Everything has been going great we moved in together in April of this year and everything was perfect. But today she approched me after work and ...
A. 28 September 2011: can you move halfway between where she needs to be and you need to be so you both commute?
... (read in full...)
My paramour told my husband that he used me for sex. I am now trying to rebuild my marriage but how can I get over the pain of this affair?
Q. My affair ended 7 weeks ago when my husband caught me out. I have been married for 25 years,my marraige had been going through a very bad patch for about 3 years and i decided to attend an evening class where this guy was the teacher. At first we...
A. 28 September 2011: Hugs to you Mae, I was not around this site when your situation first happened...
My take on this: Karma baby Karma. YOU have to live your life in the best way YOU can and not worry about others because when push comes to shove in the long run... (read in full...)
Did she lie to me about being a virgin?
Q. hi.. M 22yrs old n my g.f is 18.. She told me that she is a virgin but when we had sex.. She got such tight pussy but she didnt bleed but felt pain in another day.. She never played any sport nor cycle.. Is she lying to me? Plz tell me sm1.. Shall i ...
A. 28 September 2011: I never bled... many women don't just like many women't don't have orgasms from penetrative sex.
I would trust her.... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting? I have told her how uncomfortable it makes me feel but she says I can't tell her what to do....
Q. Hi all, Right been with my partner for 2 years and basically an old friend of hers from school found her on the dreaded facebook. He is a 17 year old guy from pakistan who is always with his older brother. Now my gf has alot of guys friend and ...
A. 28 September 2011: she is getting an ego stroke from this boy.
you being jealous sadly probably also strokes her ego which is sad since Jealousy is not about love but is rooted in insecurity...
she's being straight up with him that she's with you and not interest... (read in full...)
Will our relationship be illegal when I graduate?
Q. Ok I am going to graduate this year from highschool and my boyfriend is a year younger than me will it be illegal for me and him to date when he is still in highschool and I'm not? Also I don't want to break up with him I want him and I to be ...
A. 28 September 2011: Like everyone has said.. it's NOT illegal to be out of high school and dating someone in high school...
now if you are 18 and he's under 16 then I would not be having intimate relationships with him till he's past the age of consent (check y... (read in full...)
How can he not miss me when all I ever wanted was to love and help him?
Q. I was in a relationship for a year with a man that I loved deeper than I even knew I could. He proposed, and we always talked about our future, I was so happy. Things started going bad and we started fighting alot, which I found out was because he ...
A. 28 September 2011: Loving an addict/alcoholic is tough.
do you miss HIM? with the addictions or are you missing what you think and hope could have been?
Would you consider attending Al-Anon meetings? They can't fix HIM or the relationship but they can help YO... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to get pregnant, aged 16?
Q. im 16 and me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months we've been sexually active for 2 months straight and well he has told me he wants to have a baby. i dont really want to have a baby right now because im going through some legal problems ...
A. 28 September 2011: "thank you for the advice i appreciate everyones point of views but also my partner he is 18 and he has a job so is it still not agood idea??"
so he's 18.... you are NOT.
so many other things besides money we can deal with.
your body a... (read in full...)
I feel like I am competing with her kids and her ex
Q. Is it screwed up to feel as though you are sharing someone with kids and an ex? As though they're never fully yours and always belong to an ex. Its so tough to admit it though. ...
A. 28 September 2011: AH so this is the crux of it. the EX does not acknowlege you. BFD to be honest. He's NOT comfortable with the concept of his former partner having a life without him so he excludes YOU.
Clearly SHE does not as you are IN THE CAR WITH HER when... (read in full...)
I have been talking to a guy for 11 months and he has gone out and had sex with someone else. I feel betrayed
Q. Hello i met this man on dating site we talked for 11 months, i saw him through webcam, i talked to his family through the phone he was supposed to visit me . But i told him that i will move to his country for study but then soon the war broke out in ...
A. 28 September 2011: you have every right to your feelings.
His behavior says he can't make a permanent healthy commitment to you... please rethink this relationship.... (read in full...)
Can I delete him off facebook? I don't want to know what he's up to!
Q. My ex dumped me a week and a half ago. We had a 1 year relationship. Its been very hard for me, but he is completely fine. He feels nothing about the break up and has moved on. I have to see my ex every day as we go to uni together and are in the ...
A. 28 September 2011: yes you may delete anyone you like. ... (read in full...)
Are my emotions after sex normal?
Q. Is it normal for a man to feel gushy with a person he just had sex with? An is it normal to feel like things have changed after having sex with a person ? Or to view the person in a different light?...
A. 28 September 2011: yes yes and yes
especially if you are making love and not just having sex.... (read in full...)
Is masturbating a sin?
Q. I am a Christian (Catholic) girl and I have recently started masturbating myself, and I read lots of articles that says that masturbation is a sin. Is it true? Did God really prohibits it? P.S I am not using any toys or such....
A. 28 September 2011: If god did not want us to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter.... (read in full...)
Ladies, which do you prefer - the cook or the dancer?
Q. Just out of curiosity to all the women out there, which do you prefer - a man who knows his way around the kitchen or a man who knows his way around the dance floor? And why? (I'm just taking a poll of sorts after an interesting discussion among...
A. 28 September 2011: why can't he do both?
deep sigh.... I think the man who cooks as long as he also cleans up after himself. A man that cooks and expects me to clean up his mess is not worth it....... (read in full...)
If I leave it means moving back in with my parents and having no money with 2 young children, but I know he will never change if I stay.....what should I do?
Q. Hi, I have been with my partner for 5 years and married for 2 months, we have two children together ages 1 and 2. He is in the army so when we got married i moved in with him, 3 hours drive away from my home, i gave up my home and to be near m...
A. 28 September 2011: Do you want your children to learn that abusing a woman is an acceptable way to live?
YOU are being abused. You dont' have bruises to show for it or broken bones but you have a broken spirit because of this abusive man.
My first husband wa... (read in full...)
I am so jealous! I have the right to be, he's MY boyfriend!
Q. This girl writes on my boyfriend's wall everyday, with like ten posts of stuff to make him laugh because apparently he's depressed. I wouldn't know that because he never tells me anything anymore and is always talking to her. Some days he just ...
A. 28 September 2011: I know this is frustrating for you but location does have a lot to do with it... you are there and she is not...
Now the part you don't want to hear:
In the early years of dating (teenage years)folks are still figuring out what they want. That... (read in full...)
Nearly a year with him and he's never given me oral sex!
Q. ive been with my boyfriend nearly a yr and hes never given me oral sex!! he doesnt even talk bout it!! its the same old thing, nothing spontaneous we just watch tv go to bed, light goes off he gets on me does his business and says i feel better now ...
A. 28 September 2011: have you talked to him about it?
asked him why he doesn't do it? MY bf told me from the get-go that giving oral was out so I knew going in that it was not happening... we still talk about it... and why it's not working for him and how I miss it ... (read in full...)
How should a childless step dad who earns less than his wife be involved in family finances
Q. My new husband who earns less than me never contributes anything more than a share for himself only, even when he has extra cash. I have two children and two dependants and earn alot more than him. He has no interest to find out even how much i pay ...
A. 28 September 2011: When i was a stepmom I was 100% involved. You need to tell your husband how you feel and what you want and expect.
sadly this should have been discussed before the marriage as now it's too late and you either will accept what he wants, force hi... (read in full...)
How to deal with post sex mess?
Q. So this isn't really a question more a query!! I've just started having un-protected sex with partner (all checks done and accounted for!) I just wondered, how do other people deal with that post-sex-mess - lol I find it funny it goes f...
A. 27 September 2011: we just cuddle till it's time to wash up... then we wash up together... we even share the towel...
if you want to cuddle before the wash up put a towel under you...
and we don't use tissues.. to many pieces of lint left about.... (read in full...)
Why do people expect their significant others to stop seeing the mother/father of their child even though they are together?
Q. Hi, I have seen alot of questions on this site an also on TV and once with my aunt. Why do people expect their bf/gf/husband/wife/fiance to stop seeing the mother/father of their child because they're together? For example, lets say a girl and a bo...
A. 27 September 2011: I've never been in a relationship where my new partner wanted me to not have any contact with the father of my children. That's not reasonable.
Of course I was an adult and I was not trying to have a romantic or friendly relationship with my ... (read in full...)
I feel like I am competing with her kids and her ex
Q. Is it screwed up to feel as though you are sharing someone with kids and an ex? As though they're never fully yours and always belong to an ex. Its so tough to admit it though. ...
A. 27 September 2011: well you will always have to share with the kids... even now my kids are 25 and 27 and they impact on my relationship.
as for the ex... the father of the kids? yeah he's going to be around too.. but you need to elaborate how you share her with... (read in full...)
B/f wants me to move to where he is and I can't do it!
Q. Dear Aunts, We just had a fight. My boyfriend got so furious seeing me talking to another guy on facebook. I wasn't doing anything wrong, and plus this guy is way younger than I am. So I defended myself and said that he should have put his tru...
A. 27 September 2011: A couple of things.
have you guys even met IRL? if not then it's doubtful this will survive.
there is no crime in talking to other people of the opposite sex and a partner that gets that jealous is not a good thing.
if you can't or won't... (read in full...)
No orgasm from penetrative sex, is this wrong/different?
Q. okay ..i have a problem with sexual pleasure i think something is wrong or different with me!i don't get an orgasm from real sex...i get it only when i stimulate it from outside i mean without putting anything inside,i never masturbated by inserting ...
A. 27 September 2011: not the only one at all.
I don't orgasm from penetration. I still enjoy sex....
... (read in full...)
I've been hoping we'd lead to marriage but haven't seen him since 2008!
Q. I am in a Long distance relationship. I met someone back in 2007 he was here on contract from the states and we worked in the same department for a yr, anyways cut short we started dating and he went back and i promised him i would come to th...
A. 27 September 2011: While LDRs can work... there are some key issues to them working
1. both parties have to be on the same page and want the same thing
2. there has to be honesty and communication
3. there have to be regular visits. ONE visit in 2008 does n... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to get pregnant, aged 16?
Q. im 16 and me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months we've been sexually active for 2 months straight and well he has told me he wants to have a baby. i dont really want to have a baby right now because im going through some legal problems ...
A. 27 September 2011: NOT a good idea
tell me how will you support this baby?
what do diapers cost?
where will you live?
how much will the hospital cost?
how much is a visit to the pediatrician?
how will you get there? in a car? what does insurance and gas cost?... (read in full...)
Is it ok for a woman to say I love you first?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a guy for a while, and we are very close. We have told each other how much we care about each other in a lot of ways, but haven'y actually said "I love you" yet. Is it ok for a woman to say I love you first, or ...
A. 27 September 2011: FWIW my BF never says it back and NEVER says it. in the nearly year we've been together I've heard it from him maybe twice....
i base how he feels about me on his actions however.... (read in full...)
Is it ok for a woman to say I love you first?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a guy for a while, and we are very close. We have told each other how much we care about each other in a lot of ways, but haven'y actually said "I love you" yet. Is it ok for a woman to say I love you first, or ...
A. 26 September 2011: if you feel it say it.... (read in full...)
I'm 13, he's 18. Would it be ok to date him?
Q. i always feel a lot older than i am. me and this guy like each other and flirt a lot, and it might lead to a relationship but we're just seeing how things go as hes 18, im 13 and we don't want to rush into anything. i know it would be illegal to ...
A. 26 September 2011: I agree with Tisha.
Let him spend his time with you and your family. IN front of your parents....
I can't imagine truly what a normal 18 yr old male and a normal 13 yr old female could have in common.... but if it works for you within the p... (read in full...)
I broke up b/f of 5 years and he hasn't contacted me since then!
Q. I broke up with my bf of five years because of the lack of sex. I broke up with him on Sunday, and then I left his home, but he still hasn't contacted me. He has not asked for me back, he has not called or text or anything. Did I not mean anything ...
A. 23 September 2011: Why did you break up with him if you didn't want to? because the fact that you are upset about his lack of contact screams to me that you broke up with him as a power play not to break up but rather to GET HIS ATTENTION...
never bluff.
never thr... (read in full...)
Am I being demanding or is he being uncaring, and doesn't love me as much as it appears?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost half a year. Things are generally well, but I occasionally feel he doesn't love me as much as he says. We live quite a distance apart so have to be in touch mostly via text. He replies to them fairly well, ...
A. 23 September 2011: He's being him. it's not about loving you, it's about his way of communicating. his style is different.
My boyfriend can talk on the phone or in person like crazy but he hates texting and emails...
can you guys talk on the phone?
how fa... (read in full...)
Trying to get together with her but I don't want her to think I'm hitting on her!
Q. On starting university a girl who is something of an acquaintance has come up to my hometown. I wouldn't say that I was overly interested in her at present (I don't know her well enough to make that judgement) what I would say is that we think and ...
A. 23 September 2011: I'm confused.
you want to get to know her better and see if something works out but you're NOT hitting on her?
what is hitting on her?
if you mean you want to get to know her better then tell her that.. "hey I want to get to know you b... (read in full...)
Who do I pick? Ducky, Arby or Dorky??
Q. Help me pleased I don't know what to do! Okay so I have a few diferent guys asking me out and I got no Idea who to pick. 1 guy is my ex BF (call him Ducky) Him and I were dating for like a week then I had to break up with him cuz of drama in my l...
A. 23 September 2011: so explain to this old lady why if you are so conflicted on who to date you have to make a choice....... (read in full...)
Ten year age difference ...
Q. I'll try and get straight to the point but it's a long story, lol. I have been dating a guy that's ten years older than me for about a month and a half on and off.. simply because he has issues with my age, which don't get me wrong.. I do ...
A. 23 September 2011: A ten year age gap is not bad at 27 and 37
A ten year age gap at 17 and 27 is HUGE.
I think it's time to accept that it's not going to work out for now.
maybe later on it can resume...
... (read in full...)
My married ex's birthday is coming up, how do I wish her a Happy Birthday?
Q. Dear Cupid, I had an affair with a married woman. It had been almost a year since we broke up. I didn't answer her call and reply her mail. I'm still single and I couldn't find a girlfriend may be cuz of my busy work. To be honest, sometime I...
A. 23 September 2011: good advice all around already.
maybe get out and meet some new folks...
... (read in full...)
Married lover needs me but won't say he loves me
Q. Hi,I am so confused with my married lover,we have been lovers for 5yrs he is 65 and i'm 60, he knows that i love him very much but i'm not sure if he cares about me as strongly,these last few mths though he has become more emotionally envolved with ...
A. 23 September 2011: I have found that when a man LOVES me I know it. I never have to ask even if he does not SAY it. you know.
I knew my boyfriend loved me before he was able to tell me. I knew he loved me before he knew. because of how he acted.... NOT what he ... (read in full...)
2 weeks after argument b/f still hasn't contacted me!
Q. I and my boyfriend started the relationship bout 6months ago. Its been the best feeling ever. I love him so much aand he says he loves me too. He says my attitude stinkks whereas, he's is worse. Everytime he does something wrong and I react, he'll ...
A. 23 September 2011: What's going on is that you are getting out of an abusive relationship.
make a list for yourself
one column all the PROS of staying with this man.
the next column all the CONS of staying with this man
make your choice based on tha... (read in full...)
Who do I pick? Ducky, Arby or Dorky??
Q. Help me pleased I don't know what to do! Okay so I have a few diferent guys asking me out and I got no Idea who to pick. 1 guy is my ex BF (call him Ducky) Him and I were dating for like a week then I had to break up with him cuz of drama in my l...
A. 22 September 2011: How is dating more than one person cheating?
are you telling them you are only dating them?
there's DATING
there's going steady
there's getting pinned
there's engaged
there's getting married
umm only if you are GOING steady or gre... (read in full...)
Who do I pick? Ducky, Arby or Dorky??
Q. Help me pleased I don't know what to do! Okay so I have a few diferent guys asking me out and I got no Idea who to pick. 1 guy is my ex BF (call him Ducky) Him and I were dating for like a week then I had to break up with him cuz of drama in my l...
A. 22 September 2011: I agree there is no rule that says you can only DATE one. it's better to be unattached if you can't make up your mind.... (read in full...)
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