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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 15 April 2012: Yep what Cerberus says
he won't mind that you look at porn or get off on it.
and just because you have two kids with a man does not mean you have to stay in a marriage....... (read in full...)
What are girl's erect penis shape fantasies?
Q. I Always wonder what erect penis shape makes girls more horny when they look at it (upward , downward or straight) ? and why? what shape of erect penis(upward , downward or straight) do you girls imagine in your fantaces? PLEASE answ...
A. 20 January 2012: To be honest, naked men are funny looking... they just think they are all that and a bag of chips when they FLING themselves about... it makes me laugh...... (read in full...)
Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 20 January 2012: There is NOTHING wrong with the OP! NOTHING aT ALL.
There are just differing views on what is and is not acceptable.
I happen to be a rare minority. I have no issues with porn nor do I have issues with sharing my partner as long as permissi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't fulfill my sexual needs. What should I do?
Q. Hey, I don't know what to do about the mismatch between my high sex drive and my bf's lower sex drive and need some advice please. We've been together 16 months now. At first, as in many relationships, were we all over each other whenever we met ...
A. 20 January 2012: Have you TOLD HIM you miss kisses and hugs? I get that. The ONLY reason I am happy with my sex life is that I get hugs and kisses pretty much 24/7. I am cuddled every night and every morning in bed. Kissed goodbye… kissed hello… cuddles on the ... (read in full...)
Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 20 January 2012: Banshee I am not sure what porn you are watching but none of that is what's being watched at our home.
Granted it's not love, flowers and romance and it's not soft porn, but there's no bondage, no abuse being portrayed...
occasional bu... (read in full...)
Do men like romantic, tender sex
Q. i love to create a romantic atmosphere (scented candles ,rose petals ,silk sheets ,nice music ,food and wine ) making love slowly ,looking into the guy eyes ,hearing his breath and pulling him closer to me.... am i too idealistic ...
A. 20 January 2012: I vote for that once in a while but NOT EVERY TIME...
sometimes down and dirty we have 20 minutes let's rock and roll works better...... (read in full...)
Online fling caused my guy to walk out of a 3 year relationship?
Q. Is a stupid online fling what i had a good reason for my guy of 3 years to walk out on me and our 2 kids? I never even went meeting the guy. The worst i did was a bit of naughty chat. Would you agony aunts think he was looking for an excuse to bail ...
A. 20 January 2012: You cheated. You most certainly do walk out when someone cheats…
FOR ME the emotional cheating is worse than the physical cheating.... (read in full...)
How do you live up to the reputation of a man's 1st love?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend almost half a year. its my 2nd relationship. hes had lots if im honest but only ever been in love once, with his fisrt girlfriend. and i feel like i'll never be able to match her or be as good as her. he told me himself ...
A. 20 January 2012: You should never match anyone. You need to be yourself and be loved and adored for who you are not who you can be….
If boyfriend told you that you are second best then he’s a LOUSY person and a worse boyfriend.
WHAT in the world do you not wish... (read in full...)
What are girl's erect penis shape fantasies?
Q. I Always wonder what erect penis shape makes girls more horny when they look at it (upward , downward or straight) ? and why? what shape of erect penis(upward , downward or straight) do you girls imagine in your fantaces? PLEASE answ...
A. 20 January 2012: upward downward and straight are directions not shapes...
the younger the man the harder the erection and the firmer towards his belly it will be...
to be honest I never think about an erect penis in my fantasies and don't much care where he po... (read in full...)
Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 19 January 2012: I'm female and 51 years old my partner is 38 and male.
He watches porn
I have and will watch it with him.
I am pretty sure that when we watch it's not for the women but for the act.
as to what you should do... if it's a deal breaker ... (read in full...)
I cant orgasm during intercourse is it my fault or his?
Q. Im very physically and mentally attracted to my boyfriend, but when we had sex i NEVER orgasm, i only orgasm when he fingers me, when we have sex it lasts awhile, long enough to where i should have "gotten off" but i dont even though the sensation ...
A. 19 January 2012: around 30% of women orgasm from penetration the rest do not.
some women do not orgasm at all ever. my partner cannot bring me to orgasm at all. no matter what he does....
there is nothing wrong with YOU or your partner
... (read in full...)
Are there women and men that think (like me) that oral sex is not romantic ?
Q. u can`t feel the emotional connection with ur lover , i know that it feels good but not that good to me i`d rather have sex i`m talking about a loving,tender relathionship not a one night stand u can`t look in their eyes and feel the connect...
A. 19 January 2012: I very much look in my lovers eyes when giving or getting oral sex....
Knowing how much my partner desires oral and how great it makes him feel is enough for me...
if you don't like doing it don't do it
if you don't like getting it don't get... (read in full...)
Boyfriend being childish about going down on me. Anyone else having the same issues? What did you do about it?
Q. Ok so, its more something to rage off a bit. I've seen these topics a lot but still, I just NEED to rage it off. The point is, I've been in a very loving relationship for like 7 months now, and we're sexually very active, I have given my boyfrien...
A. 19 January 2012: why are you giving blow jobs if you hate them? find a man who can live without them.
I love getting oral sex but my current partner won't do it. I knew this going in and accepted it.
I also know that giving blow jobs is something I LOVE... (read in full...)
Can rough sex cause burning?
Q. I need help.... I had sex with my boyfriend and it was kinda rough... well now when i go pee it kinda burns a little... is this normal and if it is is it just because of the roughness???/...
A. 19 January 2012: it might just be an irritation or you could have an urinary tract infection... I used to get them from sex when I used a diaphragm for birth control....
if you have frequent urge to go, blood in your pee, and the burning continues then I sugges... (read in full...)
Is he into me or what?
Q. I have fancied this guy at university for a year now and although we haven't talked much through the year, we went on a dinner date a couple of days ago. We got a bit drunk after dinner and I went back to his and we kissed and cuddled all nigh...
A. 18 January 2012: AT first let him chase a bit... after you are a bit more established then you can start the contact.
do not be needy or clingy or in his face... let him have his room... men it seems need the exact opposite of what we need... we need as women mo... (read in full...)
Dating for a year and b/f will not touch me! He says I am putting pressure on him
Q. I got myself into a pickle. I think I'm in love with this man I've been dating for a year. I'm 24 and he's 37. In this time we have only fooled around but never had sex. I will pleasure him but he has never touched me down there. He will ...
A. 18 January 2012: oh i like Tisha's answer better than mine!... (read in full...)
Can all women have squirting orgasms?
Q. I'm in my early 40's and my question is about squirting orgasms, which I have never had. I have had a vaginal orgasm only twice, both on my own. Most of my orgasms are clitoral and extremely satisfying. Do you think it is true that every woman...
A. 18 January 2012: I went here: http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sexandrelationships/female_ejaculation.htm (Wikipedia is down in the USA today)
"The reality is female ejaculation isn't all that common. Some women do it once in a lifetime, but never again."
"In 198... (read in full...)
Does he loves me or not.? Any idea to know what is in his heart?
Q. How will I know that my best loves me or not. He tells me evrything good or bad about his life,his best and worst do's also.he agrees if he is guilty.He never tells anyone what he feels but me. He is ready to help me always,but teases me very o...
A. 18 January 2012: you will know if he loves you by how he acts towards you
you are young and you love him one way and he has told you he loves you but as a friend.
that says he has less feelings for you than you do for him.
teasing you in front of f... (read in full...)
Older male cannot understand what's happening!
Q. Hi, I am 62 and change. Exactly 1 year ago I met a woman 14 years younger in a retraining program. She chased me, and even when I tried to point out the age difference, she insisted it was not important. We've been seeing each other several ti...
A. 18 January 2012: She's right the age difference at our age is not different. I'm nearly 52 and my fiance is 38....
It sounds to me however like she is not interested in a long term SERIOUS relationship.
IF you are missing her and want to be with her contact... (read in full...)
Dating for a year and b/f will not touch me! He says I am putting pressure on him
Q. I got myself into a pickle. I think I'm in love with this man I've been dating for a year. I'm 24 and he's 37. In this time we have only fooled around but never had sex. I will pleasure him but he has never touched me down there. He will ...
A. 18 January 2012: Stop pleasuring him. That's the first step.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says the mark on his neck is a bruise. I say it's a love bite.
Q. Thanks in advance for your answers! Last night I noticed what looks like a lovebite on my boyfriends neck. When I mentioned it he said it must be a 'bruise'. Since when do love bites look like bruises? When I tried to bring it up again he got angry, ...
A. 18 January 2012: I agree that his ANGER is the red flag... if he got it as a bruise... yep he'd know it..
I have a scratch on my neck right now... rather large... and i know exactly when it was inflicted and by whom...
on the other hand the bruise on my thi... (read in full...)
I think I'm addicted to internet porn!
Q. i am a man of 26 i have always loved porn and mosted fantasys i have tried to explore most of my sexual appertite but i feel its not enough i have a fiance that is 23 years old as much as i love her she just doesnt fufill my needs is this wrong of ...
A. 18 January 2012: has she made it clear she does not tolerate porn or are you assuming that she will not accept it?
I have no issues with porn as it does not appear to detract from the attention my partner gives me.
... (read in full...)
Is masturbation worth doing?
Q. I'm 20 years old and I'm still a virgin in every way. Everyone I know masturbates,but for some reason that really freaks me out. The thought of it makes me feel guilty for some reason. How do you even do it? I know that sounds silly, but seriously. ...
A. 18 January 2012: Well if you haven't done it and feel no need to do it then I dont' see why you should start now.
Of course I can't even remember how old I was when I started doing it... it was well before puberty and it was to orgams. (cool thing about being a ... (read in full...)
Do people believe in friendships without immediate financial benefits anymore?
Q. Broke people get lonely too. And this economy ain't looking up very soon. Do people believe in friendships without immediate financial benefits anymore. I'm by no means lazy or any of that. I' a hard working type guy . Any advice please? ...
A. 18 January 2012: When we got together I had debt. A LOT OF IT! I knew this and was working on paying it off.
We had a huge fight when he insisted on paying my debt off... I was NOT happy as I felt I now OWED him... but it was his choice.
I was not with him... (read in full...)
How often does "no contact" work on the heart?
Q. We were together 15 months. We practically lived together for six months. We were good together, really understood each other, but our timing was off (he's younger and not sure of what he wants in life). I broke up with him because of his ...
A. 18 January 2012: IT's only been a week of NC... wait a few more weeks and the longing will start to pass... sounds like you guys were just not well matched in terms of what you wanted for a relationship.... (read in full...)
Guys, is it a deal breaker for you if your girlfriend hates blow jobs?
Q. I tried giving blow jobs, it hurts, my jaws got irritated , i felt used (i knew i`m not gonna like them) and i felt bad about myself, i love sex though. so is it a deal breaker if a woman refuses to give it to her boyfriend? i never asked any men ...
A. 18 January 2012: 1. most of the men I dated loved to go down on me... dont' ask me why... and i love having it done. my current partner can't/won't do it and I accepted it as part of our life together.....
2. my second husband hated blow jobs. I taught him to l... (read in full...)
Can all women have squirting orgasms?
Q. I'm in my early 40's and my question is about squirting orgasms, which I have never had. I have had a vaginal orgasm only twice, both on my own. Most of my orgasms are clitoral and extremely satisfying. Do you think it is true that every woman...
A. 18 January 2012: I have squirted ONCE in my life. I'll be 52 in march and have been sexually active since I was 14 (it was the 70s folks)
I have never had a vaginal orgasm and i'm perfectly fine
and like eyes wide open I too have been known to "squirt" wh... (read in full...)
Is there any harm in his posting my picture on his wall with the caption "smitten"?
Q. I have met this guy once in person before, and we are supposed to be going on a date this week. He has posted my photo on his facebook wall without my permission. You can share photos on facebook. He wrote a comment underneath saying " smitten ! ". ...
A. 18 January 2012: He's SMITTEN.... he will probably be a bit over the top in trying to get you to commit to him..
advice: meet only in public places until you feel safer with him.
make sure all friends know when and where you are meeting and have a pre-arran... (read in full...)
Is he into me or what?
Q. I have fancied this guy at university for a year now and although we haven't talked much through the year, we went on a dinner date a couple of days ago. We got a bit drunk after dinner and I went back to his and we kissed and cuddled all nigh...
A. 18 January 2012: You sound so insecure. You must really like him.
Yes dear one he fancys you. ... (read in full...)
I dyed my hair bright red, what do you think people think, when the see my hair?
Q. Hi. I am a teenager and like most teenagers I want to express myself. I dyed my hair bright red, and when I say bright red, I mean BRIGHT red; I love it! I am usually a shy and quiet person, and listen to my mother and teachers, im not a goody tw...
A. 18 January 2012: On a teenager I would think NOTHING of it. and if you LOVE IT then stop caring what OTHERS think.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says the mark on his neck is a bruise. I say it's a love bite.
Q. Thanks in advance for your answers! Last night I noticed what looks like a lovebite on my boyfriends neck. When I mentioned it he said it must be a 'bruise'. Since when do love bites look like bruises? When I tried to bring it up again he got angry, ...
A. 18 January 2012: NOT that this is the case for your BF but I once burned my neck with a curling iron and it looked just like a hicky...
unless someone grabbed him (still can be done in play) then it's a lousy explanation.
... (read in full...)
How close is too close?
Q. Hi Advice sought on how to handle a prospective 13 year old step daughter. She came to stay with us for the school holidays (nearly 5 weeks). It has been one of the most stressful times for me as she seems to have set up some kind of competit...
A. 18 January 2012: IT must be cultural because it would creep me out too at the level the OP is writing about.
I understand an immature girl who's afraid of losing daddy's love will be more affectionate with daddy... but the part with DADDY holding her leg and stro... (read in full...)
Is it normal to not want to kiss one's wife?
Q. Is it normal to feel like I don't want to kiss my wife? It just makes me feel gross and icky like kissing a sister. Sure, we did kiss once upon a time, but after 10 years together it creeps me out. She doesn't seem to miss it either. She neve...
A. 17 January 2012: I'm sorry I find it disconcerting that you not only do not want to kiss your wife but that basically you are repulsed by it.
while we don't kiss during sex we kiss A LOT during the regular day... granted we are not together as long as you but if h... (read in full...)
He wants to propose in front of everyone!
Q. So me and my boyfriend are 3 and a half years apart. he asked me if he proposed to me what would i say? (he is older) so i said of course i would say yes. and he said he can't wait till he can do it infront of everyone! im really nervous. i dont ...
A. 17 January 2012: are you nervous because you know that at 17 you are making a commitment to a man for the rest of your life and deep down inside you are not sure that it's the right thing to do?... (read in full...)
Why does every boyfriend I have say they want to marry me?!
Q. I have noticed that every guy i have been with has told me they want to marry me! And no i don't have sex with them or anything! they just tell me. but i break up with them. (not because of them saying they want to marry me mostly because i don't ...
A. 17 January 2012: I too agree that at your age it's a ploy to get sexual favors... (read in full...)
Is it considered cheating if I went out one to one with a guy even though I'm attached?
Q. Hi everyone I would like to ask if it's considered cheating if I went out one to one with a guy even though I'm attached. For the record, the guy knows I'm attached and my bf also knew that I was going out with that guy and he was totally fine with ...
A. 17 January 2012: IF your BF knew and was ok with it and you don't lie about anything that went on or feelings that you have then in my book it's not cheating.
MY personal rules state that *anything* you can't won't or don't tell your partner (in advance) is ... (read in full...)
How can we overcome conflicting schedules?
Q. I do not want us to fade. Basically, me and my gf, who lives 1hr 30mins away from me have been dating for over a year, we chat all the time, calls last 2hrs a night. We meet every fortnight and dedicate/spend the whole day with each other 10hrs...
A. 17 January 2012: have you considered commuting?
you move halfway
she moves halfway
then you both commute
we just finished a year LDR and we were 2 hours apart without traffic.
Fiance still drives to his old home town ONE day a week for work (currently 2... (read in full...)
Is he too old for me?
Q. I am 20 and recently started dating 31 year old man. We get on well, but is 11 years too big an age gap for a relationship to work in the long run? ...
A. 17 January 2012: if you are happy and he is happy and it's working then go for it.
... (read in full...)
How do I ask him if he still loves me?
Q. The last week i have been having this strange feelings that my man is maybe talking or visiting another women, i asked God to take these feeling away if it's a bunch of balony, i call his phone and if he don't answer right away, he usually calls ...
A. 17 January 2012: If you do not feel safe asking him that says a lot about how bad this relationship is.
you come out and tell him... I feel bad... I need to know if you still love me.
Be prepared that even if he says yes, if his behavior does not change to me... (read in full...)
He and his wife are separated but he's in no hurry to obtain a divorce
Q. I met a man 6 months ago. I knew he was still married. His wife left him after an injury a year and a half ago and is involved with another man. This has been the best 6 monthd of my life. I have been single for a couple of years with two young gi...
A. 17 January 2012: Why do you want him to get the divorce? (yes I understand the whole not married thing and moving on thing)
He is not with her now.
You are dating 6 months
He told you clearly that he is not for the having with his actions at the holidays.
H... (read in full...)
Does he deserve a second chance after he lied about wearing a condom?
Q. I have been dating this guy for a couple of months. He's nice to me, although he has a bit of a problem telling the truth. He does not like wearing protection as he says he doesn't feel anything and the rubber irritates him. I finally agreed t...
A. 17 January 2012: no second chance.
NO!
kick him to the curb.
and be strong about it.
he has NO respect for you.... (read in full...)
Wife asked if I was going to wear a dress, and other constant put-dozens.
Q. I was really taken back by my wife's comment. We were getting ready to go somewhere, I asked what she was going to wear. She said jeans and asked me "are you going to wear a dress?" I was puzzled, and still am. The thing is I have NEVER worn ...
A. 16 January 2012: oh wow... i think you are going to have to ask her.. if she was like me, it probably meant nothing...... (read in full...)
Four year age difference. is it too much? Do I go with it? I think she loves me already
Q. Is there anything wrong dating a girl 4 years older than you are. I am 22 and and this girl is 26 and i believe she does love me because anytime we are together she likes touching me,she'll like to rub her hands around my body. At times she'll t...
A. 16 January 2012: I just asked my fiance if he thought it was too much of a gap... he said... "NO, after all you're THIRTEEN years older than me..."
if you are both in your 20s i think it's fine...
... (read in full...)
The other day we where making love and he stopped to answer his phone! Is this normal?
Q. Hi,I would like you aunts opinion on this please. I am in a relationship with a man and have been for many years, we both are in our late 50's so really i was shocked and very surprised by this action of his. The other day we where making love and ...
A. 16 January 2012: I've answered the phone during love making... if you don't, they will keep calling back and the ring distracts me. I'd rather have one short interruption... "hello you have lousy timing I"ll call you back" than 3 or 4 rings every 3 or 4 minutes... ... (read in full...)
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