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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Does withholding sex mean one is playing games?
Q. This is sequel to a previous post. How is holding out on sex with your partner playing games? How is games if your intention is not to be manipulative? Must sex be everything in a relationship? I am in a LDR which picked up very fast in the begi...
A. 8 February 2012: I get where you stand. I just think you are being unrealistic. I thought about your reply in the car this morning driving to work and I hate being the fly in the ointment so to speak but here’s my take on it…. And please forgive me for overstepping ... (read in full...)
Does withholding sex mean one is playing games?
Q. This is sequel to a previous post. How is holding out on sex with your partner playing games? How is games if your intention is not to be manipulative? Must sex be everything in a relationship? I am in a LDR which picked up very fast in the begi...
A. 7 February 2012: So you haven’t talked to him in nearly a month other than two “housekeeping” texts…
I hate to tell you this but it’s over dear one. He’s going to make kind gestures to keep you on the hook and make himself feel better about this impendin... (read in full...)
Does withholding sex mean one is playing games?
Q. This is sequel to a previous post. How is holding out on sex with your partner playing games? How is games if your intention is not to be manipulative? Must sex be everything in a relationship? I am in a LDR which picked up very fast in the begi...
A. 7 February 2012: I just ended an LDR.
I get exactly what you are saying.
We hated being apart so he gave up his apartment, his job, all his friends and family and moved 2 hours away to be with me.... I get that a man SHOWS YOU WHEN HE LOVES YOU.
So here ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to change myself for the better, but it is actually making me feel worse!
Q. I'm trying with my whole mind and soul to focus on learning and growing. I'm trying to let all the luxuries go and lead a simple life to pursue my dream. But I wonder why this has suddenly affected my mental health. I'm a lot grumpy. I lose m...
A. 7 February 2012: thanks for the update. glad to hear it's going well.... (read in full...)
I like him but he likes her. How do I change this?
Q. The guy i like is dating someone else and i don't know if he likes me. How do i get him to want to be with me instead of her?...
A. 6 February 2012: you don't,
plain and simple you can't make someone feel something for you if they don't feel it...
... (read in full...)
Shall I deny I kissed this other guy? Especially when my guy realizes who the other guy is?
Q. I'm involved with a guy we'll call him X It's been going on a little over a year now. But I'm sure the end is near. This past weekend his friend Y had a house warming. Y invited my friend who he's been seeing for a few months now. Im not a fan of...
A. 6 February 2012: I vote for telling because it's sure to come out and it's better to tell then have to admit.
under no circumstances do you lie....
... (read in full...)
Could I be bi-sexual? I like looking at pictures of women
Q. i find clothed and naked girls attractive but think doing sexual things with them is wrong. I'm unsure if this makes me straight or bisexual, just asking what everyone else thinks?...
A. 6 February 2012: it makes you appreciative of the feminine form...
if you don't feel sexual about women then you are not bi or gay....
... (read in full...)
Should I tell my mum I caught my dad in an compromising position?
Q. Last night, I was at a festival with my dad, 2 sisters and some friends. everything was going fine apart from having a few stomach cramps but i noticed something. My dad had his arm around a woman other than my mum. I knew the woman to be a nun who ...
A. 6 February 2012: No do not tell your mum... it's really NOT your place.
I know kids want to help their parents but kids do not always get the dynamic or the private things that go on between their parents.... (read in full...)
I want more from my FWB so I tried to make him jealous by flirting with other men, should I feel guilty?
Q. Hi I was just wondering am I wrong to be feeling guilty? I have been in a casual relationship for 11 months now, I have wanted more since we met and I have told him that. he recently told me he still loved his ex even though they split up two years ...
A. 6 February 2012: He does not care what he is missing... because for him he is missing nothing.. he gets sex when he wants it... and does NOT want a relationship with you...
just sex. that's what FWB means...
it means sadly most of the time ONE person wan... (read in full...)
Should we get another man involved because I cant get my wife to orgasm any more?
Q. My wife and I are seventy still want sex. I can't keep it hard to insert it in the vagina. I have had this problem for about five years, it just will not stay hard long enough, I can have a orgasm my wife uses a strong vibrator,on me and it still ...
A. 6 February 2012: have you discussed this with your doctor?
I am wondering if Viagra or Cialis would aid in the erection issues.... (read in full...)
Is he serious or he is not?
Q. Dear all I need to get some good advise from you guys here. First of all, I get to know this guy online. He is 30, myanmar, Virgo and I am 34, Chinese, libra. We met each other after chatting online for 10 days then we decide to meet up. Aft...
A. 6 February 2012: First of all a 4 year gap is nothing at your age… I’m going to be 52 next month my fiancé is 38…
Astrology means nothing either…
You’ve met once… so that means you live close enough to meet fairly regularly and figure out if you want to build a ... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to send a ''thanks (not) for the memories," to my ex, or should I just leave it alone?
Q. I want to let my ex know that Im finally happy thanks to him. We were together for 4 years but messing around for 5 1/2. He cheated the whole time but I loved him so much I stayed. I finally came to my senses and left even after I left I still went...
A. 6 February 2012: Ignore him... he will go away eventually if you do not respond to him.
if you must block him to make this happen do so...
no need to stir stuff up by sending him anything.
what's done is done.... (read in full...)
How am I going to escape this year's Valentines craze without hurting anyone's feelings?
Q. Valentines day. Last year's valentines day found my locker flooded with letters , from both girls and boys. A rain of chocolate from throngs of random girls who squealed as I accepted their chocolate and (as always) just 1 box of chocolate from a ...
A. 6 February 2012: Just because someone expects something does not mean you have to do it. POST a sign on your locker that says "I am NOT celebrating Valentine's DAY do not expect anything from me"
... (read in full...)
How do I convince my wife to have sex with another man??
Q. Please offer suggestions as to how to convince my late-50s wife to have sex with another man for our mutual pleasure. Although she has not always been faithful to me (she had an affair many years ago early in our marriage), she simply refuses to do ...
A. 6 February 2012: IF it was for your mutual pleasure you would not need to convince her. Clearly this is about YOUR pleasure…... (read in full...)
Does withholding sex mean one is playing games?
Q. This is sequel to a previous post. How is holding out on sex with your partner playing games? How is games if your intention is not to be manipulative? Must sex be everything in a relationship? I am in a LDR which picked up very fast in the begi...
A. 6 February 2012: “I plan on going on until April” does he know this? DOES HE plan on going on until April? Does he know he’s being tested???... (read in full...)
Surprise 50th birthday party and his wife didn't invite his Mother, how to deal with her!
Q. Hi Guys I have a situation which isn't about a relationship, it's more a family situation and I was just hoping you guys might be able to help me. My brother just turned 50 years old, and his wife put on a surprise birthday party for him, and she...
A. 6 February 2012: if it was a Saturday night kind of thing perhaps it was just their friends???
I know that it when my mother planned a big birthday party for my father (not sure I think it was 40) she invited a houseful of people... not a parent or sibling ... (read in full...)
B/f says he wants to marry me but talks about this girl every day
Q. My fiancé and I have been together for a little over a year. We have come to our "plateau" in our relationship. But he will not communicate with me at all. He thinks I do everything wrong and he does everything right. I want to just sit and have a ...
A. 5 February 2012: Don't leave him BECAUSE he's immature because that's not what the issue is.
You need to leave him because he's lying by omission (deleting her messages)
My ex husband did this before we were married with many women... it continued into our m... (read in full...)
How can I learn to overcome homosexuality?
Q. Hi cupid, quick question. I think I might be gay but I don't want to be. Nowadays when people say they are gay everybody jumps up saying its ok and that you're born that way and we don't have a choice and stuff like that but I don't think I believe ...
A. 5 February 2012: I don't wish to be 5'2" any more. I can change that with high heels... it's still fake and phoney.... I had to learn to embrace the whole tiny petite girl thing... it sucks at my age to be called CUTE... but it's what us short people get ... (read in full...)
If a married man and a woman have an affair, can the woman be blamed as well?
Q. If a woman and a married man have an affair, is it the woman's fault as well? Obviously, it is the man's fault, but is the woman to blame as well as a home-wrecker? I have heard the defense of the woman saying "It was his choice to go after m...
A. 5 February 2012: I know some folks believe the person who is not married is just as responsible as the married cheater but I do not believe that.
I think that while the person who KNOWINGLY dates a married person shows low class, ethics and morals, THEY themselv... (read in full...)
Why did boyfriend's face go numb during sex?
Q. Let's start with I am overweight! However I've been with my boyfriend now for over a month and we have sex everyday at least once, mostly two or three times sometimes more and it's great. However last night we had our first argument and he wa...
A. 5 February 2012: he should have had a medical workup ASAP... facing going numb and chest pain could be a heart attack or a stroke....
he should still consult a doctor ASAP about it.
I doubt it's your weight .. .or the fight...
... (read in full...)
I really want to give him head. Is this normal?
Q. Dear cupid, I'm 19, I've been seeing this guy for 5 months, he's 23. I've known him for a year now, but only started taking it further in Sept 2011. We've been through our ups and downs, and we do communicate a lot, he's very straight up with ...
A. 5 February 2012: very normal for a woman to want to give her boyfriend/husband/lover/partner a blow job.
I love giving my fiance a BJ.... thankfully he likes to receive them as well...
my concern is that the two of you are not in a monogamous committed relati... (read in full...)
Not feeling a physical attraction...
Q. I am currently separated, divorce should be final in a couple more months. I met someone on an online dating site and we've been on four dates. This is the first man I've dated since my separation. My problem is that he's perfect for me in every ...
A. 5 February 2012: If you feel no physical attraction to him then he's a friend and you must be honest... physical attraction is not something that you can fake.
... (read in full...)
Scared of having sex as I'm not sure what to do... Help!
Q. hi everyone, I really need some advice. The thing is I've been dating this guy for about eight months now and he wants to have sex and I just keep telling him that I'm not ready but the truth is that I'm really scared of sex and I don't know what ...
A. 5 February 2012: if you are scared you are not ready.
what you tell him is "I'm not ready"
if he pressures you, then you know he doesn't really care for YOU.
is he older than you?... (read in full...)
I've not heard from him for 3 days , am I over- reacting?
Q. Hello Everyone, I hope you can help me here, I am wondering what happened. Sorry, it's a longish one. A guy contacted me online on 29-Dec-2011. We seem to get along really well, and started to communicate daily via the dating website, we...
A. 5 February 2012: if he had seen a recent picture and he KNEW what you looked like then he needed to say up front that he normally preferred thinner women but that he liked your personality so much that he wanted to see if he could work past the size issue.
... (read in full...)
Huge age difference, and now I'm starting to wonder if he even loves me...
Q. I am female,28...3 months living with 63 year old american guy,i am confused now because he is no longer treating me the same like before,it was clear before whats my future with him but now seems like i am hanging,i feel like not being love,i ...
A. 4 February 2012: he's going home and then will send for you?
I'm not buying it sweetie... huge age gap... he's ailing, you are feeling unloved and unappreciated....
I would bet (and I hope I'm wrong) that he won't be sending for you....... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is going through chemo, and suddenly we're more like just friends!
Q. Ok .. complicated, but serious question. Just 5 months into a new relationship (which was going very, very well) my girlfriend was diagnosed with breast cancer. Through surgery .. then 4 months of chemo, she is now cancer free .. yet doing 6 weeks ...
A. 4 February 2012: She is having radiation treatments.. have you looked at the side effects of radiation?
The woman is tired and not feeling good and overwhelmed emotionally. She's also not CANCER free.... she won't even be in remission for a year..... goodness... (read in full...)
Do guys like necking?
Q. Hi everyone I'm wondering if guys like necking. Girls and guys please feel free to answer but a guy's perspective would definitely help! Thank you! ...
A. 4 February 2012: Necking as I define it is deep hot french kissing and hugging... no feeling of breasts or genitals
and yes clothes are on....
I think that they do.... but at your age probably see it as a gateway to petting and then sex.... (read in full...)
My ex of one year calls me up every week, but is adamant he does not want to see me or get back together...how do I interpret these mixed signals?
Q. Hi all, This situation involves an ex boyfriend; We were together for just short of a year and he apparently fell out of love with me and suddenly dumped me over a phone call. He did not treat me well during the relationship; in fact, he wa...
A. 4 February 2012: you are his security blanket... the default setting...... (read in full...)
I've not heard from him for 3 days , am I over- reacting?
Q. Hello Everyone, I hope you can help me here, I am wondering what happened. Sorry, it's a longish one. A guy contacted me online on 29-Dec-2011. We seem to get along really well, and started to communicate daily via the dating website, we...
A. 4 February 2012: I am glad he was honest with you.... and yes it hurts but if he TRIED to be with you as a romantic partner his preference for thinner women would negatively impact on your relationship. had he seen recent pictures of you before you met? did he... (read in full...)
How will it impact on a relationship if the man is a year or two younger than the woman?
Q. hey please help there is this guy i like a lot and he likes me and i know he is about to ask me if we should start a relationship but am afraid he is younger than me he is 19yrs old,am 20yrs old what do i do? he hasn't told me his age yet but am a...
A. 4 February 2012: Go for it. When I was 20 my fiance was 7. I would not have dated him then of course.... I find this to be one of the last barriers to break down in dating... older women and younger men... and one year is NOTHING.... my father when he... (read in full...)
Great love life but sneaky boyfriend. What do you think?
Q. My bf and I have been together for 9 yrs. We are both late 20's and he is good to me and loves me. However I say he is "sneaky" because pretty much every 3-4 months like clockwork I will discover something that makes me really question my ...
A. 4 February 2012: agreed looking at porn is one thing... the photos... creepy,predator like and perverted showing NO RESPECT for WOMEN as human beings.... (read in full...)
I gave him a deposit but never bought the car, now he wants to keep 20% of the money! Is this legal or should I take him to court?
Q. Hi,i hope someone has a good advice for me in this case.I wanted to buy a car from owner but i did not have enough money.i saw the car and i talk to the owner about it;he ask me to give him what i have and i can bring him the rest and take the car ...
A. 3 February 2012: Do you have a contract?
If not, will taking him to court cost more than the 20% he wants to keep?
Perhaps you should consult a lawyer and find out if you have a case?....... (read in full...)
What does he want from me?
Q. I was with this guy for on and off for 2 years and we broke up about 10 months ago. I was completely heartbroken....This guy has hurt me so much in the past 10 months that we've been broken up. He went from breaking up with me to dating a new girl 2 ...
A. 3 February 2012: he wants to not feel guilty about breaking up... "we left it as good friends" in his mind this is ok.
block his number and his email.
move on.
living well is the best revenge.
... (read in full...)
My husband supports everyone else but me. Why does he do this to me?
Q. My husband of three years will not take my feelings into consideration. Whenever there is a disagreement he will always take the others persons side against me. He will never defend me or stand up for me in any way. His sister and I do not get alon...
A. 3 February 2012: Sometimes as adults we have to do things we don't want.
ONE of them is do our best to be the bigger person and get along with others that we don't really like. You would do it at work would you not? I do.
You would do it for your childre... (read in full...)
My ex husband's fiancée posted a picture of our LEGAL divorce decree ON FACEBOOK
Q. Gang, I am MORTIFIED. I am not thrilled or happy about my divorce... it's a failure on my part and it is what it is. I don't need or WANT to shout from the rooftops I'm divorced (yet again). I just got a text from a friend of mine congratulat...
A. 2 February 2012: Ciar, not my ex my fiance. he's under a lot of stress right now and knowing my ex posted the decree as his facebook picture is horrible.
Thank you all for the support and advice... many mutual friends of ours are coming to my support IRL as w... (read in full...)
My ex husband's fiancée posted a picture of our LEGAL divorce decree ON FACEBOOK
Q. Gang, I am MORTIFIED. I am not thrilled or happy about my divorce... it's a failure on my part and it is what it is. I don't need or WANT to shout from the rooftops I'm divorced (yet again). I just got a text from a friend of mine congratulat...
A. 1 February 2012: oh wait... tacky gets better... He's got it now as his facebook profile picture. I may puke...
thanks for the support guys... I will talk to a lawyer tomorrow as NOTHING is blacked out and it's very readable. I don't dare tell my fiance he will ... (read in full...)
Great love life but sneaky boyfriend. What do you think?
Q. My bf and I have been together for 9 yrs. We are both late 20's and he is good to me and loves me. However I say he is "sneaky" because pretty much every 3-4 months like clockwork I will discover something that makes me really question my ...
A. 1 February 2012: Watching porn is one thing… things he’s doing are beyond that.
“If you do this again” well has he done it again and you’ve forgiven him? Then he knows he can get away with it. Studying with female classmates or talking to female friends ... (read in full...)
What is the reason why guys send texts, but then disappear when you reply?
Q. There are 3 guys that text me every now and then. I have been on dates with all of them (over a span of time). One of them I like a lot, we have been much more flirty with each other and he asked me on another date but it's not even set in stone. ...
A. 1 February 2012: I'd ignore texts that are important texts like relationship issues such as asking for a date etc...
texts are not the way to have a relationship.... (read in full...)
I get mad at my boyfriend for always looking at pretty girls. And adding them on Facebook.
Q. I know that men are attracted to women who look good. I always get mad at my boyfriend when he looks at pretty girls. And he reacted negatively to my action too. After some time, I would feel silly because all men are like that. But now, I think ...
A. 1 February 2012: Looking at pretty girls and ADDING them as facebook friends are two different things.
I'm sorry you think you look moderate and feel bad about yourself.... I think i'm fat. I wear a US size 6 jeans... our brains are our own worst enemies... (read in full...)
Supplementing your relationship with cyber and virtual contact?
Q. Here's the dilemma with a double-standard. For some reason, I'm ok with porn. I've watched it. It turns me on. I don't fantasize about the actors. I think about myself and my (at the time) boyfriend. I'm sure what everyone gets out of it is ...
A. 1 February 2012: There are plenty of folks that don't have extra people cyber or other wise in their relationship.
My man has Sunny Leone (the porn star) as wallpaper on his computer screen...that's as interactive as we get...
I came from an open swinger mar... (read in full...)
Is my wife bi-curious?
Q. Thinking My Wife is Bi Curious?? Here's my story, and I'm hoping you guys/gals can give me some insight, and opinions. My wife and I have been together for 9 years, our sex life is pretty good and has actually improved the past couple of years. I ...
A. 1 February 2012: Women dish about sex. Also she can admire Kelly or even have a girl crush and not want to be sexual with her. Being Bi-curious is normal. Having Bi fantasy is normal. Acting on it does not always make it better…
Leave it as a fantasy.... (read in full...)
Is he scared to lose me?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been broke up for 3 weeks now. the past two weeks. he has still wanted me around, to cuddle and do sex he said he wasn't using and he didn't want to be friends with benifits. the thing is he broke up with me cause he said he ...
A. 1 February 2012: Facebook is crap. Ignore his posts. My ex husband is an attention whore on facebook and that sounds like what your ex is doing too.
Now WHY in the world if it’s over and done would you drive him to and from work?
Are you his maid?
... (read in full...)
"how do I attract boys?"
Q. (Note: The good advice is at the bottom. Read through for a laugh) I see this so often nowadays. mostly it's girls who want their first kiss, or a boyfriend, or whatever, and they ask us what they need to do to get a boyfriend. So I'm...
A. 1 February 2012: LOVE IT!... (read in full...)
I'm trying to change myself for the better, but it is actually making me feel worse!
Q. I'm trying with my whole mind and soul to focus on learning and growing. I'm trying to let all the luxuries go and lead a simple life to pursue my dream. But I wonder why this has suddenly affected my mental health. I'm a lot grumpy. I lose m...
A. 1 February 2012: “I’m a lot grumpy”
“I lose my temper really fast”
“I don’t enjoy movies”
“no music entices me”
“girls fail to catch my attention”
“company…I avoid it”
Sounds to me like this “self improvement” plan has led you to depression. I suggest you s... (read in full...)
Does withholding sex mean one is playing games?
Q. This is sequel to a previous post. How is holding out on sex with your partner playing games? How is games if your intention is not to be manipulative? Must sex be everything in a relationship? I am in a LDR which picked up very fast in the begi...
A. 30 January 2012: “we can be cuddly and fond of one another when we do meet”…
So after you’ve got him all worked up with cuddly kisses and such what will you do when he expects and wants sex? If your love for him is shaky why do you even want to be cuddly a... (read in full...)
Does withholding sex mean one is playing games?
Q. This is sequel to a previous post. How is holding out on sex with your partner playing games? How is games if your intention is not to be manipulative? Must sex be everything in a relationship? I am in a LDR which picked up very fast in the begi...
A. 28 January 2012: if you TELL him why you are not having sex and it's an effort by both of you to work on the relationship it's not game playing.
IF you DO NOT tell him WHY you are refusing sex and just withhold sex from him in an effort to see what he does tha... (read in full...)
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