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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I thought he was the perfect guy but all his excuses are making me doubt that.
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3yrs., we met on a dating site, he lives about 3hrs., away from me. The question is 1. He always has an excuses for not visiting on holidays(says he dosen't like to drive on holidays, its too ...
A. 9 May 2012: Congrats to you for entering a new stage. Thanks for the update...... (read in full...)
The other day we where making love and he stopped to answer his phone! Is this normal?
Q. Hi,I would like you aunts opinion on this please. I am in a relationship with a man and have been for many years, we both are in our late 50's so really i was shocked and very surprised by this action of his. The other day we where making love and ...
A. 16 January 2012: I've answered the phone during love making... if you don't, they will keep calling back and the ring distracts me. I'd rather have one short interruption... "hello you have lousy timing I"ll call you back" than 3 or 4 rings every 3 or 4 minutes... ... (read in full...)
Have I hurt myself by masturbating too roughly?
Q. I've been too rough in masturbating. I'd been trying not to touch down there for a month or so (I have my reasons...), and everything was going well. But in a moment of weakness I slipped up, and I guess I was far less gentle than usual because I ...
A. 15 January 2012: soothing warm baths, ice packs might help
and everything Aunt Honesty said as well.
also, while you had your reasons for the ban on masturbating, I'm concerned that you felt the need to punish yourself for a natural act...... (read in full...)
Questions about the soft cup
Q. Looking for a bit of advice mainly from the female aunts here. To anyone who's ever used a Softcup during sex, was it effective at preventing any mess? Could you and/or your partner feel it? On a scale of 1-10, how difficult did you find it to ...
A. 15 January 2012: Ah I had to read all the way down till I figured out what a soft cup was.... I"m USA here... I used a diaphragm years and years ago and it was a similar thought... never felt it and rarely had a mess unless the flow was very very heavy and I ... (read in full...)
I thought he was the perfect guy but all his excuses are making me doubt that.
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3yrs., we met on a dating site, he lives about 3hrs., away from me. The question is 1. He always has an excuses for not visiting on holidays(says he dosen't like to drive on holidays, its too ...
A. 15 January 2012: DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR SOCIAL!
do not make any legal commitments with him.
honey he's not worth the air he breathes.... (read in full...)
How do you politely reject someone on the grounds that they might not be "your type"?
Q. How do you politely reject someone on the grounds that they might not be "your type"? If a woman showed an interest in me, how can I say in a nice way (if I'm not interested) that she is not my type? If a woman told me I was not "her type", I ...
A. 14 January 2012: Your age range is 30-35... what is she 17???
My fiance is 13 years YOUNGER than I am...
I think discounting someone just on their age is not a good idea and I think it will be one of those reasons she could argue with...
as for energeti... (read in full...)
We argue, don't talk, no sex, no date nights, no vacations. I'm fed up, what do I do?
Q. I'm 31 and my boyfreind is 46, we argue, don't talk for a wek at a time, no sex, he don't take me out movie, dinner, shopping nothing, no vactions together, I'm getting really fed up this being going on for years what should I do?...
A. 13 January 2012: oh wait... wrong question...
again though if you don't have sex you don't talk you fight you go nowhere together what does he do that makes you think he is your boyfriend....
because it sounds to me like there is nothing there.... (read in full...)
We argue, don't talk, no sex, no date nights, no vacations. I'm fed up, what do I do?
Q. I'm 31 and my boyfreind is 46, we argue, don't talk for a wek at a time, no sex, he don't take me out movie, dinner, shopping nothing, no vactions together, I'm getting really fed up this being going on for years what should I do?...
A. 13 January 2012: what does he do that makes you even consider him your boyfriend?
if all you are doing is having sex when you see him... your a booty call hon... nothing more... (read in full...)
Am I just his "booty call"?
Q. I met this young guy (25y) I am 33y female....We had chemistry..started whith just kisses..with the time we ended up in sex.... I like him a lot. Is very mature and has a brillant career, is very smart and corteous. Very succesful for his age. La...
A. 13 January 2012: yep nothing more than a booty call.
you've already gotten great advice..
what you want depends on what you should do?
if you want him to admit it and keep on doing it then confront him and tell him it's ok or else he will lie.
if you want... (read in full...)
Tentative steps in our new relationship. What's a reasonable timeline, before we decide to have sex?
Q. When is the right time to have sex in our relationship? We are both widowed. I'm 68 years old and he is 72. We have dated four times. We do care about each other. ...
A. 13 January 2012: as soon as you are ready!
Congrats!
... (read in full...)
Sex advice please!!
Q. Hi everyone. so my bf and i are in a pretty serious relationship, i love him so very much (will never cheat), he treats me right and sincerely loves me. however, as far as sex goes we lost our virginity to each other, so i guess u could say we are ...
A. 13 January 2012: It’s not a question of HARDER to have an orgasm from intercourse for about 70% of the female population it’s IMPOSSIBLE. And if you are worried about someone walking in on you (don’t your doors have locks???) then it makes it even worse.
IF yo... (read in full...)
He has cheated before and now it seems he is doing the same again, what should I do?
Q. Well compliments of the new year to every one, my problem is i have been dating a guy for four months and things has been goin pretty well until he started breaking off the communication between us recently.. During the time we were on good terms he ...
A. 13 January 2012: Happy New Year to you as well,
Four months is not a long time to be dating
HE has cheated once
He has stopped communication with you which was what he did the last time he cheated
What makes him such a prize that you are willing to acce... (read in full...)
My boyfriend admits that he thinks about sex with other girls, am I not enough for him?
Q. im 19/f and my boyfriend is 20/m We've been together for nearly a year, and we love each other alot. i honestly think hes my soulmate and we can both picture our future together perfectly... except now im not so sure anymore. im a very very in...
A. 13 January 2012: As my fiance said to me the other day after looking at a young Asian young lady that caught his eye (his preferred fantasy girl is young and Asian) “yep but I GO HOME WITH YOU”
And I have learned that it does not matter WHERE he gets his appe... (read in full...)
Can abusive men ever change?
Q. Can men who have been abusive with there partners ever be rehabilited and change their behaviour, or is it something deeper within them and there is little that will change them. I have been with a abusive man for 8 yrs and although it is not daily ...
A. 13 January 2012: Can they change? Yes but they have to want to change for THEMSELVES not for you. YOU can’t change him. He can’t make the change FOR YOU. IF he can’t see a problem then he can’t and won’t change.
Are you thinking he has a mental illness ... (read in full...)
How do you politely reject someone on the grounds that they might not be "your type"?
Q. How do you politely reject someone on the grounds that they might not be "your type"? If a woman showed an interest in me, how can I say in a nice way (if I'm not interested) that she is not my type? If a woman told me I was not "her type", I ...
A. 13 January 2012: What Tisha said... BUT i have to share this with you...
THE man I am with now.. that i am going to marry this year is NOT my type.
AND when we first sat down to discuss the potential of our relationship (started out as NSA/FWB) we both said to ... (read in full...)
I cant put up with my husband's behaviour anymore, but I don't want to throw in the towel less than a year after getting married! What should I do?
Q. My husband and I have been married since spring of 2011 (not even a year yet). We have the most beautiful 18 month old son and another new baby on the way. Our marriage is anything but newlywed bliss. I think a lot of our stress comes from little ...
A. 13 January 2012: Ok so he’s emotionally abusive to you. This Is the environment you want your children raised in? You want these kids to learn that abuse is acceptable?
NEVER marry someone’s potential. YOU have to love and accept them where they are. IF they ... (read in full...)
I'm sure this older married woman is into me, how do I get her number and get to know her better?
Q. Hi all. Need some advice. I'm 21 years old, and I've been working at my job for over 4 years now. There is a woman who comes in who is significantly older than me (probably mid-30's). She is Colombian, like me (although I don't speak Spanish and she ...
A. 13 January 2012: AH… just because a woman looks at you and talks to you do NOT mean she wants to have sex with you. She may just be a friendly person and since you have the same background she feels a kinship.
IF you are interested in her then the next time you... (read in full...)
Girlfriend doesn't want/need affection or sex. Is she just with me for security?
Q. I've been seeing my gf for 9 months and I'm starting to suspect her reasons for being with me are practical rather than romantic. Ever since we started dating sex and intimacy has been a bit of an issue. Basically most times thAt I attempt to get ...
A. 13 January 2012: Coming in late but I hate to tell you that once a week is pretty good for folks that live together and have lives...
IF she is not an affectionate person then there is not much you can do about it... it's how she is built.
and yes if you marry... (read in full...)
Will men still want me when I have a child or am I damaged goods?
Q. My question is I'm 26 year old college student, I am so far working on my AA degree. I have a 4 year old child, will men still want someone like me or am I just damaged goods. ...
A. 13 January 2012: you are NOT damanged. SOME men do not want women with children and others do.
You may even find a man who is divorced or widowed with his own child(ren)
if you present yourself as "damanged" it will be a bad thing.
Present yourself as a... (read in full...)
Would you post christmas/new years greetings on facebook or make it private?
Q. If you wanted to post happy christmas and new year or happy birthday to someone on facebook would you put it on their wall or send it by private message. If you did it by private message what would be your reason for doing it. The reason I a...
A. 13 January 2012: What Tisha Said!... (read in full...)
Have sex with ex while she with another man what does that mean
Q. Hey guys, need some help, Me and my gf of 3 years recently split up and we stil talk and act like we r stil an item, we chat every day and nite, problem is she has got a bf. But she stops at myn and we have sex, (while she is in a relation...
A. 13 January 2012: You ask what to do… and say you are so in love with her. So let’s start from there.
Can you make a list of all the things she does and is that you love about her?
Let me get you started
You love that she’s a cheater?
You love that ... (read in full...)
My FWB wants to have a baby with me!!
Q. ok so im 18 and ive been a friends with benifit with this guy but it has grown into where neither of us are with anybody else but he wont say that we are in a relationship... so now we are having trouble seeing each other because his family doesnt ...
A. 13 January 2012: What all of them said before me.
You do understand that FWB is a nice way of saying SEX ONLY
and it takes money and maturity to have a child
it also should take a loving committed (and IMO MARRIED ADULT couple)
what a selfish lo... (read in full...)
I'm with a great guy, except he may be facing 4 years in prison. Should I wait?
Q. Well I been dating this guy for a little over a year now. And he is a great guy. Hes the best thing thats happend to me. I love being with him and I catch myself smiling for no reason sometimes:) But he has been in trouble wit the cops before, ...
A. 13 January 2012: Try to move on hon.... 4 years at 17 is nearly forever...... (read in full...)
Should a married couple share almost everything?
Q. I'm asking about how much openness there should be in a marriage. Not just a relationship, but a marriage. I think that once you make that step to commit to be together for the rest of your lives, things change. My wife and I are very open with e...
A. 12 January 2012: oh and yes sadly it's NOT your business so do not confront him..... just know that they do not operate like you and your wife... (read in full...)
Should a married couple share almost everything?
Q. I'm asking about how much openness there should be in a marriage. Not just a relationship, but a marriage. I think that once you make that step to commit to be together for the rest of your lives, things change. My wife and I are very open with e...
A. 12 January 2012: It's Bullshit. We don't password protect our phones
we share everything we are not married yet but we live together as husband and wife fully (including combined funds etc)
If he wants her info then she gets his. plain and simple it goes b... (read in full...)
Fiance broke off with me to be with friend, now wants me back. Can I trust her?
Q. Hi Guys I need some much needed advice, sorry this is soo long winded just need to get all the facts in to get the best advice that may change my life.... I met the girl of my dreams 3 years ago and it was basically love at first sight after goin...
A. 12 January 2012: Yep what Ciar said... NO CONTACT...
I'm so sorry. ... (read in full...)
Casual relationships....
Q. I am divorced,have huge trauma for marriage and relationship. about a half year ago, I met an European guy on one SNS and agreed to have a casual relationship while I am in holiday in his country. (I never had a casual relationship before but at ...
A. 12 January 2012: honey he does not love you
he will not love you
he has told you this
he WANTS SEX that is all!... (read in full...)
My daughter is 4 years old and has never met her father. He is single now and I am hoping that he will assume his responsibilities... is this wrong of me?
Q. I have a daughter who is 4 years old, ever since she has been born she has not seen her father. I met her father at a bar and within a few weeks of dating I becasme pregnant. We broke up after being together a month. Then I found out i was pregnant ...
A. 12 January 2012: A consistent healthy male relationship is a good idea. Is there a grandpa or an uncle that is around?
I do NOT think bringing her sperm donor in on this is a good idea.
I'm sorry he's not a dad. He's the jerk that impregnated you ... (read in full...)
I didn't mean to, but now I'm stuck faking orgasms for my boyfriend!
Q. The first time me and my boyfriend did anything sexual, which was just fingering, I faked it. I dont know why, but I could tell he was getting tired, and frustrated, because i've never actually orgasmed before, and although it felt really good, I ...
A. 12 January 2012: simple you try it...
ya never know... but in order to figure it out you have to figure out your own body first.... (read in full...)
He claims he is just "good friends" with this younger woman? Am I right to end the relationhip and get on with my life?
Q. About 3 year ago, my boyfriend of 5 years became friends with a woman 20 years younger than him. They work for the same apartment management company and live in the same apartment building. He was seen at an outdoor event with his arms around her ...
A. 11 January 2012: I agree with KC100... if there is no romance and you are not happy why do you stay?
... (read in full...)
Some questions about 'doggie style'
Q. Hello, I'm 20 and had some questions about doggy style. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I have never really wanted to pursue this position because there is not really any eye contact and feels more like a "get her done" ...
A. 11 January 2012: yes it's not a romantic position but it's a good one.
and yes i prefer it for better sensation
as for Queefing... (that lovely sound you speak of) laugh it off!... (read in full...)
How can we our first time spectacular?
Q. Okay, so early last year I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend at the time. So that was my "first time" whether I liked it or not. Yeah, I know, how lovely. Anyway, I now have a new, wonderful boyfriend whome is a virgin and we're discuss...
A. 11 January 2012: it's still a good idea for your intimate partner to know about it hon... if he cares that much he'll notice it and worry it's HIM not the flashbacks...... (read in full...)
How can we our first time spectacular?
Q. Okay, so early last year I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend at the time. So that was my "first time" whether I liked it or not. Yeah, I know, how lovely. Anyway, I now have a new, wonderful boyfriend whome is a virgin and we're discuss...
A. 11 January 2012: YOU MUST let your boyfriend know about the flashbacks.
he needs to be prepared for them when they happen...
are you afraid to tell him?... (read in full...)
How can we our first time spectacular?
Q. Okay, so early last year I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend at the time. So that was my "first time" whether I liked it or not. Yeah, I know, how lovely. Anyway, I now have a new, wonderful boyfriend whome is a virgin and we're discuss...
A. 11 January 2012: I can PROMISE you it won't be spectacular.
Even with tons of experience in the bedroom, the first time with a new partner is awkward at best...
You just don't know the dance of the partner yet.
Honey I've been with my partner over a year n... (read in full...)
Attached man, but on a dating website. Really?
Q. I have been dating a man for eight months. We live together and I feel we know each other quite well. He says he is very much in love with me. He's been divorced for more than 15 years and says he hasn't felt this way about another woman, since ...
A. 11 January 2012: Why did he need to send you a picture of his goods while he was away... you already had them.
Honey this is not a good thing at all...
I would rethink this.
if a man NEEDS the attention of other women (even if it's INNOCENT attention) and ... (read in full...)
Fiance broke off with me to be with friend, now wants me back. Can I trust her?
Q. Hi Guys I need some much needed advice, sorry this is soo long winded just need to get all the facts in to get the best advice that may change my life.... I met the girl of my dreams 3 years ago and it was basically love at first sight after goin...
A. 11 January 2012: I"m a very loving and forgving person and I do not have issues with physical infidelity but this was beyond that.
Will you ever trust her?
if she is late coming home one night won't you think she's with someone else?
I can see why everyon... (read in full...)
He said mean things to me only because he was mad?
Q. what would u do or think if your bf tells u are clingy annoying and needy....and then when u tell him if u think im all those thing why are u with me.then he tells u he was just mad and that he does love u and that i need to just enjoy being togther ...
A. 11 January 2012: Personally I'm not a good person at these types of things and I'd go all "passive aggressive" on the guy... NOT a cool way to handle it but it proves my point.
I would back off so far as to be cool and distant till he actually asked "what's ... (read in full...)
I can't stand my boyfriend's best friend and I don't know what to do about it.
Q. I'm having an issue with my boyfriend's bestfriend. They've been friends since they were babies but I can't stand him. I just think he's an idiot and a bad influence. I normally have a high tolerance for people but I actually can't stand to be ...
A. 11 January 2012: DO NOT MAKE HIM CHOOSE YOU OR THE BEST FRIEND.
you will lose.
instead... encourage him to spend time with his BF without you so you do not have to deal with him...
maybe after 2 years the friend has changed?... (read in full...)
Long distance phone sex
Q. My boyfriend and I are long distance and recently he's been saying he wants to hear me come over the phone. The problem is I feel silly, I'm not a kid but I get the giggles and when we do do this I want it to be amazing - I want him to be thinki...
A. 11 January 2012: BTDT.. HATE phone sex... so silly...
have you two had sex in real life?... (read in full...)
Why won't my long-term boyfriend be my Facebook friend?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years. We're stable and recently moved in with each other and we've never had trust issues (no concerns of cheating, etc). It's been an ongoing joke for a while now that once we move in together we should ...
A. 11 January 2012: I'm on facebook and my fiance is not. I use it to communicate with folks and play a few games. nothing more or less. I let my fiance see anything he wants on the page because i'm not hiding anything.
I know facebook is a silly game basicall... (read in full...)
Lack of a "filter" vs. chooses not to think before speaking?
Q. How could I have been expected to remain in a relationship with a person who "has no filter" and thereby often hurt me (unintentional as it may have been). How could I continue to give chance after chance of reconciliation (over a year's worth of ...
A. 11 January 2012: I see two very very very different issues here.
One is the lack of filter (I have it as does my partner) and the other was that he was just not that into you.
The jabs at you were made because he did not care….
When my fiancé says s... (read in full...)
We had something but he has a girlfriend. How can we remain friends but set clear boundaries?
Q. I'm very confused. There's a guy I met who's in an long distance, long term relationship with his girlfriend. We live far away, but will live near one another in a few months time. After we first met, he pursued me heavily, despite his girl...
A. 11 January 2012: I have no idea what he thinks... but what he thinks and what he wants do not matter... what matters is what you do...
do not engage him as anything other than a co-worker.... (read in full...)
We had something but he has a girlfriend. How can we remain friends but set clear boundaries?
Q. I'm very confused. There's a guy I met who's in an long distance, long term relationship with his girlfriend. We live far away, but will live near one another in a few months time. After we first met, he pursued me heavily, despite his girl...
A. 11 January 2012: NO if you work together you can't cut it off all together but you can LIMIT HIM to ONLY work related info ON work related devices.
no personal calls
no personal emails
block his personal number and emaail from your personal phone and e... (read in full...)
Casual relationships....
Q. I am divorced,have huge trauma for marriage and relationship. about a half year ago, I met an European guy on one SNS and agreed to have a casual relationship while I am in holiday in his country. (I never had a casual relationship before but at ...
A. 10 January 2012: He only wants a casual sexual relationship nothing more.
I agree in the long run for you it's better to end contact with him.
he's not kind; he has a temper; he has money issues...
other than worry you get nothing from him... let him ... (read in full...)
I thought he was the perfect guy but all his excuses are making me doubt that.
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3yrs., we met on a dating site, he lives about 3hrs., away from me. The question is 1. He always has an excuses for not visiting on holidays(says he dosen't like to drive on holidays, its too ...
A. 4 January 2012: Six months after you asked you are still at it with him… it’s so hard to do what we know is right isn’t it?
I get it. I do. My heart aches for you that you are so torn and think so little of yourself that you feel you are worth this lousy be... (read in full...)
I didn't mean to, but now I'm stuck faking orgasms for my boyfriend!
Q. The first time me and my boyfriend did anything sexual, which was just fingering, I faked it. I dont know why, but I could tell he was getting tired, and frustrated, because i've never actually orgasmed before, and although it felt really good, I ...
A. 3 January 2012: I also vote for not lying but you can't tell him you lied...
My man cannot bring me to orgasm no matter what he does.
in all my years with a partner there was only one who could and that was through oral... other than that.. nope.. not going... (read in full...)
I thought he was the perfect guy but all his excuses are making me doubt that.
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3yrs., we met on a dating site, he lives about 3hrs., away from me. The question is 1. He always has an excuses for not visiting on holidays(says he dosen't like to drive on holidays, its too ...
A. 22 June 2011: Umm... this is NOT a relationship.... you are rowing a boat that's sinking...
you saw him over a year ago... he's ONLY 3 hours away?
Hon my boyfriend lives 2 hours away by car if it's not rush hour... it took me nearly 3 hours to get to him ye... (read in full...)
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