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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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When I asked if my boyfriend would come to see me he said "thanks for the offer"! What is going on here?
Q. Hello, I am wondering if anyone of you have good insight to a mans mind... I recently had a conversation with my boyfriend that has left me confused! We were talking on the phone late in the evening the day before I was to leave to be at my moth...
A. 3 March 2012: Yep what Cindy said. He didn't want to say NO it sounds harsh but he was too comfortable to move....
and if it was me and my bf didn't want to see me the night before i was leaving for a week I'd be mad.... (read in full...)
Does my FWB still like me?
Q. Hi everyone hope you can help me I ended a fwb relationship a few weeks ago as he was treating me very badly he would text after work early hours of the morning wanting to come and e See me for sex that was the only time I ever saw him and I had fa...
A. 2 March 2012: Honey he was treating you exactly as a FWB should middle of the night booty calls are what FWB is all about…
If you fell in love with him you were right to end it…
He likes you as nothing more than a handy penis holder… you really need ... (read in full...)
He told me he didn't want to lose me but wants to be single. What do I do?
Q. soo.. my boyfriend has told me before that he never wants to lose me.... but now hes saying hes not gunna dump me but he just hates not bein single and hes one of those people that just has to me free....what do i dooo?!);...
A. 2 March 2012: Tell him "go have fun" and then you will do the same...
it has to be the same for both of you
you are so young and he's right to be honest with you but you have to know that in that it means he's going to go and ou will survive and be j... (read in full...)
I like the idea of my wife having sex with another man while I watch, should I tell her or keep this to myself?
Q. i would like to explore with my mrs, ive thought about her having sex with another man with me watching and i liked the idea.... do you think i should tell her this or keep it to myself....
A. 2 March 2012: You could tell her you have it as a fantasy then you could role play out the fantasy and talk about it during sex… but to actually DO IT I say DON’T do it.
I speak to this as a former swinger who’s marriage did not survive the process of being op... (read in full...)
I feel worthless as a wife because I can't offer him more!
Q. Before I dated my husband I use to date only woman . But there was something about him that caught my eye and my heart. I started dating him and I got in a serious relationship with him and we marry. Things between us was good and we were even ...
A. 2 March 2012: Annalisa makes a good point. What is the problem if you are not considering cheating…. Are you just wanting him to accept that you find women attractive? ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my confused feelings? I think my brother's wife fancies me and I feel the same about her.
Q. My brother's wife and I have history, we both have moved on since she married my brother but the only problem is deep down i still fancy her and deep down in her heart i know she feels the same. But she will not admit it to herself. We only see each...
A. 2 March 2012: “deep down in her heart I know she feels the same” NO YOU DON’T.
YOU HOPE she feels the same. BUT why? Just because she gave you a “cheeky hug” (whatever that means I’m not sure) and touched your bum does not mean she fancies you. Please. ... (read in full...)
My ex is ignoring me after we split up for a second time, what should I do?
Q. I wish my ex-boyfriend would stop ignoring me. See, we have a bit of a complicated relationship. We started dating about six months ago, and then he fell for some other girl while he was with me. He broke it off, but he continued to communicate w...
A. 2 March 2012: He’s your EX right? You told him you didn’t want to see him anymore because he couldn’t be faithful right?
He is ignoring you because he’s an EX and there is no need for EX partners who have no children to have contact.
Let him go. Move on... (read in full...)
When I asked if my boyfriend would come to see me he said "thanks for the offer"! What is going on here?
Q. Hello, I am wondering if anyone of you have good insight to a mans mind... I recently had a conversation with my boyfriend that has left me confused! We were talking on the phone late in the evening the day before I was to leave to be at my moth...
A. 2 March 2012: I agree with Janniepeg. “thanks for the offer” is a round about way of saying no.
I agree you nagged at him to see you and yes it hurts that you are going to be gone a week and he didn’t want to see you and he could have been a bit more forthrig... (read in full...)
Are these signs of a man with issues or is it his situation that has made him push me away?
Q. Hi I guess I really am asking others for conformation of something I already know in my heart but maybe I someone has another perspective .I have posted before and this is my third disaster relationship since a long term toxic relationship 7 yrs ago ...
A. 2 March 2012: He’s 41 and has not worked for THREE YEARS? That’s the FIRST thing that caught my eye… he has trouble sleeping…. He was not upfront about these things at first… he waited till you were HOOKED on him….
He told you not to get too attached... (read in full...)
I've been cheated on before, how can I trust my LDR?
Q. I met an awesome man, i got cheated on in my last 3 year relationship...before i met this new guy, when we were talking i didn't really pay mind to him, but as we got to know one another i began to like him a lot, i fell in love in just 5 ...
A. 2 March 2012: IF he has given you no reason to doubt him you are just going to have to learn to trust. It’s hard to do in any relationship but it’s extra hard in an LDR.
What would you do if he was local and you didn’t talk during the day what would make you trus... (read in full...)
Crush on my teacher....should I seek a sexual relationship with him? Or just let this go?
Q. I just want to go ahead and say I'm legal, not to justify my crush, but to help provide prospective and help those of you wiling to help me give me more accurate advice... And I apologize in advance, this is going to be really long. Alright, so I ...
A. 2 March 2012: Crushes are not rational or sane.
He’s your teacher
He’s currently married
Here’s what you do… YOU DO NOTHING.
When a person has a crush they tend to blow EVERY little thing out of proportion. A glance that means NOTHING to a non-... (read in full...)
Do age gaps really matter when it comes to good sex?
Q. Does the age gap really matter when it comes to good sex and relationships? Do you think its wrong for a 53year old women to have sex daily? why would her boyfriend of 41 tell her that love doesnt get measured by the amount of sex sessions??...
A. 2 March 2012: Age gaps don’t matter once both parties are of legal age. As long as they want the same things in life. I mean a 50 year old woman with a 25 year old man won’t work if he wants children… but a 50 year old man with a 25 year old girl would if ... (read in full...)
My FWB keeps pushing me for a threesome and I am just not interested. How do I communicate this?
Q. I have a casual acquaintance that I sleep with. We have been together a couple of years. She sleeps with other people, too, and I am fine with that. The problem I am having is that more and more often she keeps suggesting that we involve the...
A. 2 March 2012: JUST SAY NO....
if she keeps bringing it up she senses your ambivalence in the matter.
Tell her "this is the last time you can ask. IF I change my mind I WILL TELL YOU.. other than that please do NOT ask me again it makes me unhappy"... (read in full...)
Why does this girl ignore and disrespect me when we are out with others?
Q. Ok so im back again, with more drama. I started seeing a younger girl of 18. She is a co-worker of mine and we went on a date and spent the next three days basically just making out and watching movies at my place. i like the freshness of it and ...
A. 2 March 2012: Not all younger women are immature and not all older women have no future (not sure what you mean by that btw)… but this young woman you are talking about is very immature and childish.
I don’t think she’s playing hard to get or seeking ... (read in full...)
He cheats on me, we don't have sex. What should I do?
Q. we lived all life without sex, he was always cheating on me saying that was tired, i did something wrong, I didn´t do something well and so on... we married he was 29 and I 25, we had sex one day and other 2 weeks without, it was the routine during ...
A. 2 March 2012: well if you are not willing to go to counseling together and you are unhappy enough to post here and ask then it's time to consider ending the marriage.... (read in full...)
How do I tell my friends that I'm dating someone again that cheated on me?
Q. I know that this sounds pathetic but here it goes im 23 i previously went out with a boy when i was 16 up until last xmas, we had a pritty much perfect relationship for 5 and a half years but when it came to last summer he wanted to move in and i ...
A. 2 March 2012: You have been with him since November now. And I can understand how you feel since he was probably your first love. I also understand why you want to give him another chance and why. I do get it.
I agree with Cerberus that it’s hard to sit ... (read in full...)
Is it true that women never forget their first sexual partners?
Q. I'm a 30 y/o male, got married when I was 28 I have a 19 month old boy. I love my wife and child. But my question is the following: "when my wife and I had intimacy for the first time she made it very clear and reinstated that she wasn't a vir...
A. 2 March 2012: I have not forgotten my first partner. I don’t have any feelings for him or think of him… but I remember it… never compare to anyone else…
As for the whole bleeding pain etc.. nope NONE of that…
Trust me it’s no privilege to have a virgin. It’... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a pedophile for watching cartoon toddler porn?
Q. Is my boyfriend a pedophile for looking at cartoon porn depicting very young children? We've been going out for 6 months and since we've moved in together I've been secretly snooping on his laptop and have found many things that have disturbed me. ...
A. 2 March 2012: I have NO problems with PORN…. I have problems with KIDDIE porn. I have problems with porn that are about rape and beatings…
There is something SERIOUSLY wrong with this man you love…
He needs serious therapy and help and it’s beyond what a lo... (read in full...)
I have a sexless marriage and my husband is a sex addict! What do I do?
Q. I desperately need help. I have no one who I can talk to about this and I'm afraid it's going to destroy me. I've been married for 26 years. There is no question it's not a perfect marriage. There are two issues that I am fighting and feel like I'm ...
A. 2 March 2012: Congrats on losing the weight. I ‘ve lost a good chunk too and many marriages do NOT survive when people make such tremendous changes. It’s that you have had to make many permanent lifestyle changes to take off and keep that weight off… and as ... (read in full...)
I'm struggling to understand why my husband had affairs!
Q. My husband established two illicit text relationships over a period of two months, he slept with one of the woman after getting seriously drunk. I have decided to give him a second chance and I am plagued with the usual hauntings a victim of an ...
A. 2 March 2012: First of all I am sorry for your pain with this situation. I understand it, sadly all too well.
I can tell you there were times many years ago (when I was single) that I had online “affairs” and “cybersex” and I would pretend to relieve myself b... (read in full...)
Are all men rubbish at keeping in touch with their girlfriends?
Q. This is one for the guys. I'm just wondering if generally men aren't interested in keeping in touch with their girlfriends via calls and texts. Not that you don't care about your gfs - but you don't feel the need to keep in touch with them when they ...
A. 2 March 2012: It's the difference between you and him...
I've always had chatty guys who like to talk on the phone.
if everything else is perfect... it may just be him....
But I have to say that the only time I have had men not want to talk on the phon... (read in full...)
Sexless marriage and no reason for husband's ED. I'm too young to go without sex!
Q. So, my husband has erectile dysfunction the last cople years. It developed very suddenly, but it never improved from any action. Like vacations, romantic nights etc. He had a very extensive medical investigation , and they found nothing wrong ...
A. 2 March 2012: Have you two talked about the fact that there are other ways to be intimate besides intercourse?
Does he know you want and need affection?... (read in full...)
I tell my b/f that I trust him but I really don't. He cheated!
Q. my bf cheated on me 6 months ago with his best girl mate who he promised me it nothing ever like that between them. he told me half an hour after it happened and said it happened for literally half a minute, when he realized what he was doing he ...
A. 2 March 2012: I can tell you this about trust....
it's like a china tea cup
you can break the handle and mend it so that you can't SEE the crack but it's STILL there AND the teacup is more likely to break there again...
in other words,
once broken tr... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a gangster! Should I marry him?
Q. Hiya, I'm 27 years old woman and I dated a 19 year old boy for 5 months last year. The very first time that we met, I doubted that we would ever got along as he's 8years younger than me, turned out, it was like love at the first sight for us both ...
A. 2 March 2012: NOT only do I think you should say NO to the proposal, I think you should consider ending the relationship.
it was his choice to leave his family and become a person who is breaking the law.
Clearly his choices are not mature enough to suppor... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a prostitute!
Q. hi people sorry first for my english grammar. right now im in big emotional problems please the people that don't take that serious or only want two offend me please better dont write nothing. i really dont know how two start im young 27 i had most ...
A. 1 March 2012: oh poor dear soul, YOU PAY her for her attentions... if you don't pay her she will go away...
27 is not young. Is there a counselor you can talk to and help you work through the emotional problems???... (read in full...)
I found my husband was looking for sex with a transexual! What should I do?
Q. Last week i went on the history tab on my computer and found a transexual dating site. As i hadn't visited it i checked my husbands emails to find that he had joined this site. I entered his password and found he was looking for a descreet ...
A. 1 March 2012: Why are you playing games with him?
did not tell him about the site?
sent an email trying to TRAP HIM?
you need to go to him with your PROOF and call him on it.
he will deny
he will beg
he will plead
what you decide to do is your ... (read in full...)
There is no blood between us, and no ancestors in common, but I still feel uncomfortable with our shared family connections, what should I do?
Q. I know it's way too late to do anything about this but it still bothers me. Most of my dad's side of the family lives in Canada. My dad has an uncle, Brian (my great uncle), and Brian is married to Annie. Annie is not my great aunt by blood, s...
A. 1 March 2012: I called many family friends aunt and uncle as a sign of respect in my family... we were not blood related at all...
you are not related at all and you have been dating a long time... this is not incest in any way shape or form.
does the fami... (read in full...)
If we get serious now how will I know he wont do bad things like he did in the past? Should I give him a chance?
Q. This will be a bit long, but please bare with me. I've known this guy "D" for about 6 yrs. We met when I was 16 and he was 20. We dated for a couple months but then I started dating someone else so we stopped talking. But for the past 6 yrs I've ...
A. 1 March 2012: Sweetie... do not listen to his words. LISTEN to his ACTIONS.
The reason he can't settle is because he's just not that into you.
A man will fool around till he falls in love and then he will settle down...
... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so upset about this?
Q. Me and this guy friend (at least i thought he was) were FWB for a while, which ended badly for me. I really did like him and i've never been into the whole FWB thing but i just went along with it. After a while i realised who he really was, which ...
A. 1 March 2012: Because it's human nature to want what you can't have.
We all want EVERYONE to want us even if we don't want them.
Honey he is bad news. UNFRIEND Him.. block him get him out of your life...... (read in full...)
Why does this guy I dated keep talking about my flaws but checks up on who I'm dating?
Q. I dated a super handsome and very rich guy 5 months ago and I am sure that I got bored with him and the fact that he always spoken TOO politely as if that we are business partner or something and that he said constantly that we weren't match. Last ...
A. 1 March 2012: You need to block him like the others have suggested and I would STRONGLY urge you and your BF to file a police report
he's a control freak and he sounds like he's unbalanced.... (read in full...)
I cant be bothered with my life! Whats wrong with me?
Q. I dont know whats wrong with me. my father died a few years back and i`ve accepted the fact he is gone and i`m trying to get on with me life but i just don`t feel like me any more. i get angry at the smallest of things like i`m hoovering for ex...
A. 1 March 2012: I think that a bit of counseling is in order.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your father at such a young age...
I think you are a bit depressed and angry as the previous poster so wonderfully listed the stages of grief and mourning. ... (read in full...)
He keeps texting me but then standing me up! Why wont he leave me alone?
Q. Why is he doing this? why won't he leave me alone? ? There's this guy that I use to like a lot. We use to work together (not anymore) he'd stare at me all the time and only flirted with me and ignored all the other girls so I thought he was i...
A. 1 March 2012: Why do you care?
You don't like him anymore
he's clearly not trustworthy and is toying with you
delete his info
block his number
move on with your life
WHY folks do something is the theme today on DC and it DOES NOT MATTER WHY someone... (read in full...)
I cant stand watching my friend self-destruct! What can I do?
Q. My best mate drinks too many energy drinks, swears too much, is getting into fights over his gf who probs won't last long but he's distancing himself from everyone and it's his life but I can't stand and watch him shut down. What do I to? I know I ...
A. 1 March 2012: This is always so hard. It's so hard to watch a friend meander (or run) down the path of self-destruction.
Sadly all you can do is voice your concerns ONCE and let him know that you are there if he needs you.
You do not have to help him be s... (read in full...)
My ex wants us to start sleeping together again! What is he playing at? Does he not care how this will affect the kids?
Q. Is my ex partner trying to play mind games? 2 months ago i broke up with my partner of 8 yrs as he can been verbally and physically abusive towards me. He accused me of giving him children he didnt want and ruining his life, i was also accused of ...
A. 1 March 2012: You took your children and yourself out of a bad situation by leaving an emotionally and physically abusive man.
He is horny and wants to use you as a handy penis holder.
Do you need to know WHY he is doing this in order to tell him no?
Wha... (read in full...)
Are we official boyfriend and girlfriend? Or will it only be official when I get back?
Q. hello again! :) so me and my crush got together a week ago. we went out for a drink and then went to the movies. i think he did try to make a move but i was too scared and looked tense. i didn't even give him a kiss goodbye...just said: 'thanks!...
A. 1 March 2012: no need to label it at this point
go on your trip.... enjoy it and when you get back you will figure it out then.
and I don't think if something comes up while you are away you should say "I can't I have a boyfriend" unless you don't like t... (read in full...)
He puts more attention to her than he did to me! Guys please answer!
Q. Question for guys.. I was dating this guy and recently found out that he was also keeping in touch with another girl. As I see it, it seems that he puts more attention to this other girl. We were together for about 6 months, then he met her and ...
A. 1 March 2012: It's simple dear one, he likes her more than he likes you.... (read in full...)
What are your opinions on taking a break and giving your lover space after a horrible argument?
Q. Hello everyone. My boyfriend and I got into the worst argument we've ever gotten into last Friday. We've been together for almost two years now and that one topped them all. I will be honest that I barely have the energy and strength to expl...
A. 1 March 2012: I happen to agree with YouWish
a bit of space is fine but days and days on end to me would signal the END of the relationship.
Part of the resolution of a fight is to address it not just hide from it.... (read in full...)
How should I cut her out of my life without falling out?
Q. I feel like one of my good friends does not make an effort to be my friend and Im thinking about burning bridges with her. Weve been friends a while now, about 7 years. To be fair to her, she does work full time and have 2 kids to bring up and is ...
A. 1 March 2012: if you stop calling her she will disappear... that's what happens with friends that don't row their part of the relationship boat...
... (read in full...)
Am I suffering from male jealousy, or friendship jealousy, or am I right in not wanting this relationship to continue?
Q. My wife has this gay male friend. He and her were friends before we even started dating. I kind of have no problem with this, but he is a little over the top. Like dancing around in our house wearing nothing but short-shorts and being a typical ...
A. 1 March 2012: ummm having him as a friend is one thing
having him sleep over is one thing
having him sleep over in your marital bed is creepy even to me... and i'm over the top in being open sexually.
No i don't think you have anything to worry about ... (read in full...)
I think I caught him out with his ex wife, but he wont explain what has been going on! I feel so used....
Q. Dear all, please help!! I have been seeing this guy for a year. it has been a rather rocky relastionship, and he had seperated from his wife sometime back - around three years ago. Anyway, I had a funny hunch that things were somehow still 'cosy' ...
A. 1 March 2012: OP I am proud of you for being strong.
Continue to take care of yourself and be proud!... (read in full...)
I can't afford the surgery but I don't want to wait!
Q. I have a complicated situation. When I was 18, my kidneys failed. I lost 36 pounds, and went from a C-cup breast size to a small B/A cup. It has been 5 years since the incident, and I haven't gained any weight regardless of my many attempts to do ...
A. 1 March 2012: Chigirl is right I can be a 34C or a 36B depends on the bra... and many men say that MORE than a mouthful is a waste...... (read in full...)
Do you shave your "part" before you have sex?
Q. I asked my friend if you should shave your "part" before you have sex and she didn't know. So Im asking this site,do men like it unsaved, or shaved? I got a boyfriend and I need some advice here before we get more intense....
A. 1 March 2012: I used to shave but i hate the stubble.
I prefer to have it waxed (although more expensive and a touch painful at first) it lasts longer and less hair grows back and it does my thighs too...
the thing is not all men want clean shaven women.. ... (read in full...)
I can't afford the surgery but I don't want to wait!
Q. I have a complicated situation. When I was 18, my kidneys failed. I lost 36 pounds, and went from a C-cup breast size to a small B/A cup. It has been 5 years since the incident, and I haven't gained any weight regardless of my many attempts to do ...
A. 29 February 2012: Aside from the cost have you figured in the down time for surgery? I had plastic surgery this summer it was the worst surgery of my life. I had a mastopexy without implants and I had drains for nearly 2 weeks in each breast. The pain killers ... (read in full...)
I feel worthless as a wife because I can't offer him more!
Q. Before I dated my husband I use to date only woman . But there was something about him that caught my eye and my heart. I started dating him and I got in a serious relationship with him and we marry. Things between us was good and we were even ...
A. 29 February 2012: Leave the marriage. Your feelings are not a sin. Your drives are who you are and what make you who you are.
I am bisexual. I am with a man now who is perfectly content to encourage me to find a woman to have a physical relationship with... ... (read in full...)
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