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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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On the verge of buying a house with a miserly man who only tolerates my children
Q. Scared. My second marriage begun disasterously my second Husband refused to bond with my children lied cheated and left me when I lost my job with his baby and my two other children to fend for ourselves financially and otherwise. My Son who is 9 ...
A. 4 April 2012: HUGS to you dear OP... it's very very scary to do what you did and HE knows this and will prey on that fear...
be strong.... ... (read in full...)
What do I say to my crush?
Q. This sounds pretty pathetic, i mean i'm 27 for goodness sake and can easily talk to others, but i'm genuinely stumped on how to go about this!!! I work for a bookies and recently transferred to a different shop closer to home. Whilst in my old...
A. 12 March 2012: Yay! What GREAT news!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend helps himself to the food in my home and I don't like it!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. I see him at weekends and he stays at my house. When we go out he pays for meals. I am also generous. However, he gets up in the night or early morning and helps himself to food in my house. This really ...
A. 8 March 2012: I have found, OP that when a person gives their POV, the things that are important to them are the things they mention. Why do you have this need to feel like everything is fair and square and even. You say you pay for things alternately so you ... (read in full...)
Dad threatened my b/f, we broke up and now are just friends. I don't want to be just friends!
Q. We have been dating but someone told my dad about it and my dad got irritated and threatened the guy to stay away from me. The guy also told me to respect the decision of my dad to prevent him from getting in trouble. Now the guy wants us to be just ...
A. 8 March 2012: Well is dad being irrational? Because maybe he sees something that you do not? Is it ALL boys you are not allowed to date or just this one specific fellow? Because if it’s PERSON SPECIFIC we need more info and it’s possible your dad is correct.
... (read in full...)
Should I take the risk and go to meet this man about a job? Parents told me not to go because it sounds dodgy
Q. A man called me about a cleaning job last week, but i missed the call, and when i called back, he said he had given the job to another lady, but he said he would call me if it didn't work out with her. I got a phone call from him again today, saying ...
A. 8 March 2012: Agreed. just because the address is real does not mean this man is.
MEETING in his van in front of the building is not NORMAL it's a BIG HUGE HUGE RED FLAG....... (read in full...)
What do I say to my crush?
Q. This sounds pretty pathetic, i mean i'm 27 for goodness sake and can easily talk to others, but i'm genuinely stumped on how to go about this!!! I work for a bookies and recently transferred to a different shop closer to home. Whilst in my old...
A. 8 March 2012: 3 years is a long time when you miss someone you want to be with... but 3 hours is doable 2 times a month easily....
do not cut off your nose to spite your face... leave the options OPEN ....... (read in full...)
What do I say to my crush?
Q. This sounds pretty pathetic, i mean i'm 27 for goodness sake and can easily talk to others, but i'm genuinely stumped on how to go about this!!! I work for a bookies and recently transferred to a different shop closer to home. Whilst in my old...
A. 8 March 2012: how far apart are they?... (read in full...)
How often should your LDR boyfriend ring you?
Q. dear all i need your advice. I met a muslim guy online and we have been chatting for nearly 4 month. He is a greatguy but i just find him too controlling. He wants to know my every move. last night i was chatting to a friend on skype and he we ...
A. 8 March 2012: No do not ring him
do not make up with him
do not get back together with him.
A GREAT guy is not controlling.
A GREAT guy is not possessive.
When I was in an LDR we spoke at least twice a day his wake up and my bedtime.
we also emailed ... (read in full...)
Should I take the risk and go to meet this man about a job? Parents told me not to go because it sounds dodgy
Q. A man called me about a cleaning job last week, but i missed the call, and when i called back, he said he had given the job to another lady, but he said he would call me if it didn't work out with her. I got a phone call from him again today, saying ...
A. 8 March 2012: yeah it sounds odd.... just call him back and say you can't make it.
Also call the place where the job was advertised and let them know how odd it sounds.... (read in full...)
Is it reasonable to be annoyed that he'd prefer to communicate via FB than texts?
Q. Should i be mad at my boyfriend about this ?. We were supposed to meet up today. I sent him a text message , and ten minutes later, he seen me a message on facebook saying that we would have to write to each other on facebook, and not on our phones, ...
A. 7 March 2012: Big RED FLAG to me.
My partner has complete access to my phone (he has access to anything he asks for including my FB) but he never would even ASK to see facebook while he thinks nothing of reading messages on my phone.
Sounds like he's hiding... (read in full...)
What is stronger, love or hate?
Q. Hi, I am wondering about a philosophical question, but one that has great impact on me personally. I am wondering, what is stronger, love or hate? I wonder about this because I have felt hate for a woman that has been very strong. She used m...
A. 7 March 2012: Neither is stronger. They are the same emotion on opposite ends of the spectrum.
The opposite of love is not hate the opposite of love is ambivalence.
... (read in full...)
I can't seem to stop contacting him, no matter how hard I try!
Q. I feel so silly to be doing this at my age! I have split up with a guy who I had been seeing for 6 months - we split about a month ago. It was a mutual agreement in the end as I felt he wasn't putting much effort in. However, I can't seem t...
A. 7 March 2012: If you can't stay away and he's responding then I suggest this:
plan a dutch treat dinner with him. Sit down and talk about what YOU want and what HE wants.
figure out if you can come to an agreement about what you both want and if you can ... (read in full...)
Is he testing the sexual boundaries?
Q. I started seeing this guy about 3 weeks ago. I have seen him 3 times. I'm confused though as Ive had bad judgement when it comes to guys before. Im not sure if my gut is telling the truth or I am just relating back to previous heartache. The first ...
A. 7 March 2012: So you met a man and started casually dating him 3 weeks ago.
You have one date per week so far with him and are sexual with him since the second date.
I don't know what boundaries you think he's testing.....
Is it normal? well it is for ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be confused over how I feel about him?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles! I recently met a guy at work and we exchanged contacts. We've been texting nonstop since. We just went on a date (is going out one to one with a guy considered a date?) but when we had our heart to heart talk he told me he was ...
A. 7 March 2012: In my opinion, going out one on one in a preplanned manner is a date...
it's good that he was honest with you but he should have been honest with you earlier on.
and yes your confusion is normal.
Personally I would not continue a relations... (read in full...)
Just a few questions about love and loss....
Q. hi all, Got a few questions to ask all.. 1) how to let go of hatred and sorrow to a person that you once loved deeply?(especially for a no life, no social activities,not much friends, no confidence, no self esteem, feel humiliated when fac...
A. 7 March 2012: 1. How do you let go of hatred and sorrow? You just tell yourself that the person did the best THEY could do. YOU forgive them but don’t forget their actions. Clearly their actions were the actions of a deeply troubled person. You have pity for ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I can believe him after I heard he'd made a bet that he could make me fall in love with him in 6 months!
Q. i became friends wih a guy on phone who was one of my friend's acquaintance. he told me that he's commited but i dont know how but i started liking him. he's flirty and often says i love you to me and i always took it as a friend. later he told me ...
A. 7 March 2012: I wouldn't give him a chance...
he's trying too hard
he has a gf and even if he DIDN'T make the bet, he's trying to make you not be able to resist him.
... (read in full...)
My wife has moved out and made a list of demands, what do I do? There's a child involved!
Q. Dont know what to do. I married this girl 4 years back. I had kept myself virgin. I had a dream of being one woman man. So I got married to this girl four years back in traditional marriage. My family selected this girl and when I met her I told her ...
A. 7 March 2012: I'd divorce her but get a good lawyer and make sure you have at least joint custody of your son.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend helps himself to the food in my home and I don't like it!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. I see him at weekends and he stays at my house. When we go out he pays for meals. I am also generous. However, he gets up in the night or early morning and helps himself to food in my house. This really ...
A. 7 March 2012: WOW…. He’s staying at YOUR house I get that. YOU Have small kids I get that. But you have said you are very generous and make more money then him but then you play the ‘single mum” card. Don’t have him over this weekend and ruin it with “buy ... (read in full...)
I'm losing my confidence as my bf keeps saying I dress like a slag!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I am 18 years old and he is more than 10 years older than me. A massive problem has arised which is my apparent "dress sense". I am constantly called a slag and a attention seeker for wearing what I see ...
A. 7 March 2012: Actually, I think that EMOTIONAL ABUSE is much WORSE than physical abuse. We don’t have the external proof that we are being abused but the abuser wears at our souls and our minds and beats us down over and over till we are gone….. and no one but ... (read in full...)
I'm having a difficult time with my husband's cross-dressing and she-male porn fascination
Q. Hello everyone ive been having trouble accepting my boyfriends addiction to ahemale porn and crossdressing fetishes. Its caused him to lie to me hide things from me. I know ive not made it very easy to.express to me but all ive asked if him is to ...
A. 7 March 2012: The only concern I have is the stealing of your sisters underwear… that’s wrong on many levels.
You are doing everything you can to let him live his life openly in your home and he’s avoiding this. Part of his thrill might be that he wants to... (read in full...)
I want my parents and boyfriend to get along, how do I show my parents he has changed?
Q. Dear cupids, I have recently went out on a limb with my parents and my bf. My bf used to have trust issues and until I talked to him about it things weren't going good. I usually ended up in tears. But after confronting him his trust issues were gon...
A. 7 March 2012: does he spend time with them? perhaps having him to the house more to spend time with them will let them see he's changed?... (read in full...)
Is there a difference between a woman who is a 'tease' and a woman who is a 'challenge'?
Q. is there a difference between a woman who is a 'tease' and a woman who is a 'challenge'? i've been called both before and i worry about what this means and the image people have of me. i enjoy hanging out with guys but i've never been comfortable ...
A. 7 March 2012: IMO, a tease is a woman who will NOT go through with her “flirtations” A challenge is a woman who can be worn down.
IF you talk about sex a lot and have no intentions of every going through with it, that could be considered a tease... why talk... (read in full...)
Should I ask him out? Please help!
Q. so i am in love with this guy who is also the best friend of my best guy friend. i told my friend about it and i suppose he told this guy about me having a crush on him. later when one of my other friends also told him about me he talked to me and ...
A. 7 March 2012: yeah he just broke up... give him some time to process it and heal... you don't want to be his rebound girl...... (read in full...)
I'm embarrassed to have sex because of my size
Q. me and my partner have been together for nearly 10 yrs things were great before now we have two children together i have put on a litl weight imsize 18 hate my body , we do have sex still mainly just basic stuff and never naked!he always wants to ...
A. 7 March 2012: He loves YOU not your wrappings...
to be honest most men I know prefer their partners to have a bit of meat on their bones... I know my partner finds me more desirable with an extra 15 pounds... and I feel fat... and yet he loves to grab me.... (read in full...)
Was I too harsh to completely ignore her without even telling her why?
Q. A girl I was once sort of seeing , upset me , maybe without realizing how much I like her... From then on I completely ignored her... She seemed sad at first... now on the rare occasions we cross paths, she just ignores me too... A friend told me ...
A. 7 March 2012: So you were seeing her
she upset you and you opted to punish her by ignoring her.
now that she's accepted it and moved on you are keeping tabs on her via mutual friends...
Personally I think your ignoring her and not giving her feedback ... (read in full...)
It would be a shame if something this good fell apart over drugs!
Q. I've been seeing this girl for 4 months now, I'm 33 and she's 27. We've gotten quite serious, we're madly in love and she has more or less moved in with me. One of the strengths of this relationship over past relationships of mine is that we can t...
A. 7 March 2012: OP, I know many functional alcoholics that don’t drink every day… my fiancé included. Doesn’t mean he’s not an alcoholic. Doesn’t mean he’s not an addict with addict behaviors…. She uses cocaine if not daily on a regular basis and was willing ... (read in full...)
We are only FWB because I don't feel good enough for him, but how do I cope with the knowledge that he is dating other girls?
Q. I have been seeing an amazing guy for almost two years, he has asked me to be his girlfriend but I said no because he was leaving for college and I feel as though I'm not good enough for him. so we've just been a thing, or friends with benefits kind ...
A. 7 March 2012: FWB for virgins…. Oy I’ve seen it all now… FWB means FUCK buddies… and it means you have NO say in who he sleeps with or fools around with. YOU have no say because he’s just a “friend”
HE ASKED you to be his GF and you said NO so what’s the prob... (read in full...)
Why do I have a sour smell and discharge from my vagina ever since I started taking birth control pills?
Q. Hi I am a female 18 years old. I started taking birth control about 4 months ago and I think at about this time me and my bf noticed my private having a sour smell . I never use to notice it until we had sex but now I notice it without even having ...
A. 7 March 2012: Having sex regularly will change your scent. The interaction with your partner will affect you. I never realized this till my current partner.. Also the change of adding the BC pills can affect it as well.
I strongly disagree with Sweet-th... (read in full...)
What does this say if I'm getting no pleasure at all? He'd rather kiss the cat than me.
Q. Ok, i don't know to say this but I never have my pleasure and he used to give me everything i want and then when he got me, he stops trying. Now he doesn't even want to do what i want to do. Like sex, making out, kissing (he kisses the cats instead...
A. 7 March 2012: So what should I do? Come on BE HAPPY. Sadly you won’t be happy with this man… if you are trying and he is not… you stop trying. You then get the strength to leave if you are that unhappy.
... (read in full...)
On the verge of buying a house with a miserly man who only tolerates my children
Q. Scared. My second marriage begun disasterously my second Husband refused to bond with my children lied cheated and left me when I lost my job with his baby and my two other children to fend for ourselves financially and otherwise. My Son who is 9 ...
A. 7 March 2012: Relationships should be uplifting and restorative. they should not be this hard or this contrived nor should they exhaust you.
scary as it is I think leaving might be in the best interest of you and your children.... (read in full...)
How can I go on with a relationship with my sister after knowing she is married to a child offender?
Q. Dear cupid, I just had a feeling that I should do a search for some reason. I didn't know this about my brother-in-law but I just thought I would do a search for his name and he comes up as a registered child offender. Now my sister and I led a ...
A. 7 March 2012: Well was he convicted of Sexual child predatory behavior? is that what you mean? was it done AFTER she married him? why was it not mentioned then to the family?
My former brother in law was 18 and he had sex with a girl who was 12 when she said... (read in full...)
My boyfriend helps himself to the food in my home and I don't like it!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. I see him at weekends and he stays at my house. When we go out he pays for meals. I am also generous. However, he gets up in the night or early morning and helps himself to food in my house. This really ...
A. 7 March 2012: OP I read your follow up and I’m thinking that this is not a good fit for you relationship wise.
IF you are not happy if he’s asking and you are not helping if he’s doing it on his own what WOULD make you happy?
I envision this: he arriv... (read in full...)
I'm losing my confidence as my bf keeps saying I dress like a slag!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I am 18 years old and he is more than 10 years older than me. A massive problem has arised which is my apparent "dress sense". I am constantly called a slag and a attention seeker for wearing what I see ...
A. 7 March 2012: So when you were a young and impressionable (moldable) TEEN just past being a child, this OLDER man who was at least 26 grabbed you up and started to SHAPE you the way HE wanted is that what I’m reading?
HE calls you a slag (which I assume i... (read in full...)
I slept with a married man thinking he was single and now he won't explain himself!
Q. I slept with a married man he acted single but now I fell for him a he is ignoring me he doesn't email, text or anything not even to apologize to me. How do I get closure? I feel so low and guilty about this plus I like him all @ the same time. I ...
A. 7 March 2012: What answers do you want OP?
Why did he do it? Because he could
Was it just that YOU were special? No I’m sorry it’s just that you were available. It was NOT about YOU. IT was about what HE could get.
He lied to you that he was single o... (read in full...)
Signals or signs that tell me if a guy loves me?
Q. What is the kind of behavior that I should expect from a guy who is really in love with me?. How to know if a guy really loves me? I'm not in love with anyone. Infact I just broke up.. hence this question.. so I can have more insight as to de...
A. 6 March 2012: I wrote about this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-you-can-tell-someone-loves-you.html... (read in full...)
Should I let him sleep over... first time meeting in person?
Q. Hi all, I'm new to online dating, and could really use some advice: I've been communicating with this guy over OkCupid for over 3 months. We're both students, facebook friends, and have regularly exchanged messages every other day or so s...
A. 6 March 2012: Agreed it's a safety issue more than a "i'm quick and easy" issue.
do not get in a car with him
do not let him in you home
do not be anywhere alone with him
get to know him first then you can progress it.... (read in full...)
Overdosing on contact!
Q. I know this is a somewhat odd question, but here goes: I'm in a long distance relationship and it's all going great. We send emails to one another every day, we send text messages by the dozen and we talk on the phone every single day. Now that last ...
A. 6 March 2012: what we did when we were at that stage was we had at minimum two phone calls per day
first I would (at his request) call him to wish him a good morning and make sure he was awake... this took 2-4 minutes each day we were apart
the second ma... (read in full...)
I ended our relationship because of his close female 'friend' but he wants to talk, should I listen to what he has to say? Or was I right to break up with him?
Q. ever since i started dating my man i have been seeing a ladys name on his text messages all the time its like they do chat a lot with her, one day i decided to sneak a peak and saw the lady had texted "am sorry i hope your not mad at me i love you ...
A. 6 March 2012: he is not serious about you after a month...
he can come and talk till he's blue in the face I would not believe him when he says there is nothing with this other woman.
he's playing both of you.... stay away... (read in full...)
Can an online relationship work out?
Q. I met this guy on this website for making penpals an we hit it off big time. We have been exchanging e-mail for about a month now. I love reading his mails. They bring a smile to my face, and make my day seem a bit more full of sunshine. A ...
A. 6 March 2012: I am a big believer in a lot of things including that Long Distance Relationships can flourish and survive. HOWEVER there are a lot of issues with your that concern me.
1. You have not met face to face. I think that basing your hopes and drea... (read in full...)
My boyfriend helps himself to the food in my home and I don't like it!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. I see him at weekends and he stays at my house. When we go out he pays for meals. I am also generous. However, he gets up in the night or early morning and helps himself to food in my house. This really ...
A. 6 March 2012: I think you are over-reacting as well. Don’t you want him to feel comfortable in your home… He’s not a stranger or a casual friend he’s your boyfriend and he sleeps at your home in your bed right?
When I started staying at my then boyfriend’s home... (read in full...)
My friends girlfriend wants to end their relationship because he used to watch porn
Q. So I have this friend (yes folks, it actually is a friend) who's going through something that neither of us can seem to really get our heads around. His girlfriend of over a year sent him a random text yesterday, immediately stating that she ...
A. 6 March 2012: I think she's just using that as an excuse to avoid the real reason why she wants to break up with him.... (read in full...)
Is it ever OK to cheat on your spouse?
Q. My wife has basically lost interest in sex. We've talked about it a lot, and says she just doesn't think about it very much any more, and that she's at a stage in her life where she's just not interested. She still gets in the mood, but it's very ...
A. 6 March 2012: IT's never ok to cheat
but it's also not ok to promise someone they will want sex AFTER they are married and then not follow through with that promise.
Has she had a medical work up to rule out physical reasons why she has no drive... if she ... (read in full...)
How can I get my ex back as a friend without scaring him?
Q. I miss my ex boyfriend. I know this is a right of passage etc, but it doesn't make it any better. We were together for 6 months in a long distance relationship and were friends before we went out. It's been 3 months since we broke up and at the mo...
A. 6 March 2012: Is this your question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-have-my-ex-as-a.html
He’s long distance right? So it was never REALLY day to day living. Have you ever met him IRL? Or is this whole relationship virtual?
What are you ... (read in full...)
What am I missing here?
Q. I have a family picnic outing with my girlfriend and her family and also a child (11 yo) from a family friend. I was playing catch me with the same child, and while we were playing she said you are slow and fat and you can't catch me. I didn...
A. 6 March 2012: What you are missing is that YOU ARE WRONG. YOU NEVER tell a child they are fat… especially an 11 year old girl. And who her parent is has NO BEARING on the fact that you should never say things like that to a child. NOT in jest, not even if ... (read in full...)
What do I say to my crush?
Q. This sounds pretty pathetic, i mean i'm 27 for goodness sake and can easily talk to others, but i'm genuinely stumped on how to go about this!!! I work for a bookies and recently transferred to a different shop closer to home. Whilst in my old...
A. 5 March 2012: start with friending him and saying HI
go from there.... (read in full...)
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