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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is it fine to casually date two women before choosing whom I want to be with? Does that make me a player?
Q. After a tough break up last year, I've been only getting out to start dating now. I met one lady at start of February, I've met her 4 other times now, even cooked her breakfast. I met another girl two weeks ago, that wouldn't work out. I met another ...
A. 28 February 2012: Again I think we have to DEFINE DATING:
Wikipedia says:
Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or ... (read in full...)
I am worried it is over.
Q. I feel so helpless and depressed and lost. I started dating a guy and we went out on a few dates..everything was going well now he has stopped calling. Before then we emailed each other a lot for a few months before we met (we had met online). ...
A. 28 February 2012: Learn from this. Respect yourself, use this as a growth experience and move forward. Do not give yourself so freely, either emotionally or physically to someone until you are sure they return those feelings. It's harder to do it than to say it ... (read in full...)
Isn't there usually a spark when you're dating?
Q. A few weeks ago, I started seeing this guy named Alex. He's a good friend of my best friend. She set me up with him. He turned out to be really nice, funny, cute, and we have a lot in common. Even though I had fun with him, there's just not...
A. 28 February 2012: “we had a spark the first moment we met. The best kind of love usually happens like that right? Or no?”
I vote for NO. Sometimes love grows and builds over time… let’s talk about fires in terms of love.
Think of a flash fire… it’ starts l... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend see me as a respectable girl after I give blowjobs?
Q. one time, a close friend of mine and i were discussing sex. i asked him if he was interested in a blowjob and he said if it were coming from a girl he didn't respect, then yes, he would want a bj but if it was from someone he cared about, then ...
A. 28 February 2012: A blowjob given by a loving woman to a loving man in the context of a loving committed relationship is not dirty or degrading or disrespectful.
My boyfriend is very grateful and happy about his BJs. He says thank you when I’m done… and sadly fo... (read in full...)
How do I stop being his drunken hook up?
Q. I have been seeing a guy but he only ever asks me to meet at the weekends when he has been drinking. I like him so much and I always say to myself I won't meet him again but this is the third time now I have met him. Nothing ever happens, just a ...
A. 28 February 2012: In order to get him to do what YOU want (which he may NOT even if you do this) you have to stop seeing him when he's drunk.
JUST SAY NO
if he ONLY contacts you when drunk he may not be interested when he's sober. it's a risk you take but do... (read in full...)
I don't want sex anymore because we are not trying for a baby and I simply don't feel like it anymore, so should I end the relationship because this is not fair on him?
Q. My boyfriend and I met each other having both come out of long term relationships 3 years ago, him a marriage with 2 kids and me long term partner no children. We are both 40 years old now. We discussed having children about 1 year into the ...
A. 28 February 2012: IF you truly believe that physical intimacy between adults is only for the act of procreating then I think you should let him go as that’s not how most adults feel.
IF you are not feeling it because you are afraid of getting pregnant, and know... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has a wandering eye
Q. I feel the pressure to look good because my boyfriend has wandering eyes and constantly look at pretty girls. How do I assure myself that one day when my youth is gone and he'd find someone else??? Is this normal?...
A. 28 February 2012: Define look…. My bf would look at you if you were his type and dressed the way he likes and he would be pleased but in the long run honey he’s bringing himself home to my 52 year old sagging butt… People look… if it’s a glancing look even with a ... (read in full...)
B/f wants me to move in with him. Do I have to be the one to make all the changes?
Q. my boyfriend of 2 years wants us to live together, with me moving into his house and then his idea is we split all the bills 50 - 50, including me paying 1/2 his rent. He feels it is not convenient for him to move in with me because my place is ...
A. 28 February 2012: Deep sigh. Do NOT think that having someone move into your home and disrupt the way you are used to doing things is not a change. Moving in whether you are the one moving or the one making closet space is difficult.
I know… we just moved. ... (read in full...)
Scared that no one will want me now, and terrified to find out!
Q. Dear Aunts/Uncles Im going to try and keep this brief but to the point. Single mother of three, suffer with servere I.B.S for 18 yrs, but now its not too bad. Have had a recent hysterectomy, so cant have any more kids, and obviously now goi...
A. 28 February 2012: Open your mind up to new options… don’t always turn down younger men. I’m 52, I have 3 ex husbands (the second being very abusive) two grown children (one of whom is very disabled and will require a heavy financial commitment from me for life) I’ve ... (read in full...)
Do you remember how/why you found Dear Cupid and did it help?
Q. Not a dating/relationship question as such, but just curious...Do you remember why/how you came across Dear Cupid and do you take that into account when answering questions? E.G. When you tell someone to move on/dump their partner, do you ...
A. 28 February 2012: I just asked this question a few weeks ago… It’s very interesting.
I came here about a year ago. My marriage was an open marriage at the time and I had always let my then husband go and do what he needed and wanted with other women and was fine... (read in full...)
So much love-So little sex
Q. I been married for 13 years. Both 41, with no children. I do ALL the things every wife wishes for: Flowers, many vacations,, cook dinner, weekend get aways, cards, notes, gifts, hugs, kisses (but told don't get myself excited). In return, I get ...
A. 28 February 2012: She’s not interested in sex as much as you are and has told you to get a little bit on the side. I assume that’s not really an option for you. Because it happens a lot. A woman loves a man and their sex drives are very different and that’s not ... (read in full...)
He has a female friend who I feel is inappropriate.
Q. My and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years and have lived together for a year. He is currently in Afghanistan with the military. He has a female friend who I feel is inappropriate. She often sends him pictures to his phone of lit...
A. 28 February 2012: My now fiancé was two hours away by car and i would spend the night and tell my then husband that we were just friends.
I call BS on your boyfriend's part.
if they were just friends there would not be "love you" or the anger or the unfriendi... (read in full...)
Is it a myth or truth that you see loved ones before you pass away?
Q. My uncle was recently diagnosed with bowel cancer after prolonged suffering brushing the problem under the carpet hoping it would go away he is 70 yrs old and had always lead an active life style he had surgery last week to remove it tonight i ...
A. 28 February 2012: I don't know... my mom died 16 years ago and I like to believe her family welcomed her to the bridge with open arms and that all my pets are waiting for me there too...
I do however believe that our souls come back in one way or the other to check... (read in full...)
My Girlfriend is a total nag! help!
Q. My 55 year old girlfriend,who I live with, is a total bitch. She only wants sex 1 time every ten days where I want it every day. Next for 9 months she continuously nags me follows me and tells me to clean this clean that. It's annoying and it ...
A. 28 February 2012: Why do you live with her then? Why do you stay if you are so unhappy?
Are you not cleaning up after yourself? I need way more information before I determine who is out of line here. But based on just what you have said… if she has to nag c... (read in full...)
I want children, just not right now! B/f wants me to forget about education and have them right away
Q. Hi everyone :)...... Just asking for some outside perspectives for the confusing mess iv got going on in my head right now! My partner is 35, I'm 22. He wants kids. Soon. I'm about to graduate in about 15 months. So he wants to start trying so...
A. 28 February 2012: GOOD luck to you OP... it's so hard to make such a drastic change but in the long run I think you won't regret it.
keep coming here for strength if you need it!... (read in full...)
Can a woman propose to her boyfriend?
Q. In this day and age, is it completely out of line for a woman to propose to a man?...
A. 28 February 2012: Nope I'm doing it on Wednesday February 29th is Sadie Hawkins day which is the traditional day for women to propose to men.... (read in full...)
I want my LDR b/f's family to accept us but I don't think they do
Q. Hello everyone. I'm writing this on my phone so I'm sorry for any mistakes. I've been in a long distance for four and a half years now. We've met before. Last year, we both told our families. Our friends already knew. Anyways. Last Chri...
A. 27 February 2012: I think his folks are being realistic in that you are both very young and that LDRs are harder than close relationships and the younger you are and in school, the harder it is to maintain an LDR. They are basing their concern on years of ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets upset when I don't answer the phone
Q. i am 46 single and live in uk and my muslim boyfriend is 26 years old, we met on a dating site. I look much younger than my age,we are planning to get married. My boyfriend gets really upset with me, when he cant get hold of me on the phone. He se...
A. 27 February 2012: Are you guys local or LDR? how long have you been together?
Why pray tell are you planning to marry a man who does not trust you?
Once you are married I am betting his “I own you” personality will shine through and you will not be permitted... (read in full...)
I really like this guy but he is a player. Should I walk away now before I get hurt?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for around 4 months now. I know he is a player and just sees the whole thing as fun but i have fallen for him and i dont know whether i should talk to him about it or just leave and walk away? i really care for him but im ...
A. 27 February 2012: 6 years is not quite a bit. I’m 13 yrs older than my fiancé. So in the beginning you make it clear it was FWB/NSA and you fell for him….
Your feelings changing does NOT change who he is… or how HE feels…
IF he felt about you the way you feel... (read in full...)
I'm upset with her actions but I love her so much
Q. my girlfriend and I have been dating for over seven months, and the majority of it has been long distance. Over the summer i fell in love with her and i knew that i wanted to be with her in college. While at college she went out with people like ...
A. 27 February 2012: SHE ASKED HIM TO MAKE OUT when you were together???
Why are you back together with her?
... (read in full...)
I think I may be pregnant with my married FWB's baby!
Q. Hi everyone this isn't a relationship question but didn't know where else to ask I have recently three weeks ago finished with my fwb as I found out he was married with three kids now I think I am pregnant I keep on feeling sick and I'm really tired ...
A. 27 February 2012: Well you know the first thing you need to do is pee on a stick right?
then decide what you want to do...
there are many options available for you but until you know for sure you are pregnant there is not much that has to be done.
POAS an... (read in full...)
I am worried it is over.
Q. I feel so helpless and depressed and lost. I started dating a guy and we went out on a few dates..everything was going well now he has stopped calling. Before then we emailed each other a lot for a few months before we met (we had met online). ...
A. 27 February 2012: He’s just not that into you honey… Read the first thing Eddie Said “men will move heaven and earth to stay in touch with a woman who captures his fancy” He’s right. I never understood it till I saw it in action. I had a FWB who fell in love ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants a 10 month break....how do I cope with this?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. The first 4 years were long-distance. It was very hard, but we all got through it. We have been together when we were 19 years old and 18 years old. We are each other first love. We saved money du...
A. 27 February 2012: You do realize you set this up… You planted the seed in his head about you being his one and only forever and it started him thinking.
THEN YOU OFFERED him a one year break. HOPING he would say NO … testing his love and commitment to you… and... (read in full...)
I'm upset with her actions but I love her so much
Q. my girlfriend and I have been dating for over seven months, and the majority of it has been long distance. Over the summer i fell in love with her and i knew that i wanted to be with her in college. While at college she went out with people like ...
A. 27 February 2012: Ok your age says 16-17 and you are in the USA most folks here don’t go to college till they are 18… so are you the younger partner here?
She asked him to make out… that’s pretty messed up the day after you break up.
I am going to suggest that ... (read in full...)
Does my tutor like me?
Q. I have engaged a private tutor to help me with my degree, as it is a very tough course. He was not what I expected. He is about two years older than me and completed his degree the year before. We have met up twice now for sessions and I l...
A. 27 February 2012: He's just being kind to you. You PAY him to help you of course he's going to be kind to you.
what the test will be is when you are done with tutoring if he wants to continue to see you.
... (read in full...)
I really like this guy but he is a player. Should I walk away now before I get hurt?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for around 4 months now. I know he is a player and just sees the whole thing as fun but i have fallen for him and i dont know whether i should talk to him about it or just leave and walk away? i really care for him but im ...
A. 27 February 2012: What good would talking to him do? I think you should cut your losses and go now if you are so sure he’s a player. ... (read in full...)
I want to meet my LD crush but my parents don't want me to be alone
Q. Hi ! I'm a 17 year old girl and I have been talking to this 18 year old guy on Skype for the last 2 weeks because we are both in college ( I graduated highschool early ) we could meet until the summer but we talked about it a couple times we enjoy ...
A. 27 February 2012: You just started talking.
How did you meet?
Just take your time getting to know each other online and be FRIENDS online.
LDRS are hard when you are adult, not in school close enough to drive to see each other and have met in real life.
WHAT ... (read in full...)
Why did he pull up my bra strap?
Q. I have a gay friend, who I will call Mark. He has on older brother, who I will call Malik. Well I was over at Mark's house and when Malik walked by me, Malik pulled my bra strap up, that had fallen onto my shoulder. I'm not to sure what he means by ...
A. 27 February 2012: you're just reading into a simple action that probably means nothing.
while adjusting your bra strap is a fairly intimate act in my day and age, now in this society with women wearing their underwear to be seen not just as foundation garments... (read in full...)
How can I become a father-like figure to my girlfriend?
Q. I have a girlfriend and all would be fine, but more and more she keeps hinting to me that she wants me to be a father-like figure. It reached a stage when she gets irritated if I try to be cute with her (e.g. calling her cute names or trying to be ...
A. 27 February 2012: No I have no advice or links on how to totally change who you are or your personality to please a woman who is asking you to be something that is not psychologically sound.
I’m sorry but a partner is just that a PARTNER not a parent. I would lo... (read in full...)
What can I do to make sex happen more often?
Q. I've been dating my gf for 6 months and for the first 3 months we had sex every day sometimes twice or three times. But the last few months we have been having sec less and less and I don't low why, it doesn't bother me if we don't have sex so often ...
A. 27 February 2012: Daily sex or more often (2 or three times a day) is not sustainable for a long term relationship. Life gets in the way.
“we have been having sex less and less and I don’t know why”
“she gets so upset when I reject her”
Well there’s yo... (read in full...)
Is it fine to casually date two women before choosing whom I want to be with? Does that make me a player?
Q. After a tough break up last year, I've been only getting out to start dating now. I met one lady at start of February, I've met her 4 other times now, even cooked her breakfast. I met another girl two weeks ago, that wouldn't work out. I met another ...
A. 27 February 2012: As long as you are not pretending you are monogamous with them and are above board and honest about what's going on I see no problem with it.
UNLIKE CHIGIRL I however think kissing is just fine (as long as they know that they are not your one and ... (read in full...)
He stood me up for no reason
Q. Me and this guy friend arranged to meet up this weekend; his idea actually. We do have a bit of a history. We've never dated but we did have a bit of casual "fun" when we were both single. I ended up developing feelings for him but I think that was ...
A. 27 February 2012: he's testing the waters...
if you say yes what do you expect to happen?... (read in full...)
Do men like females who are very experimental sexually?
Q. Do men like females who are very experimental sexually? For example, my boyfriend and I went shopping and bought a huge jar of pickles. I said that he should f*** me with one of them. (I'm not always quite so strange, I was 1/2 joking, 1/2 serious, ...
A. 27 February 2012: Every man is going to be different in terms of what your behavior means to him. You need to ask your BF what he's thinking and feeling.
I know that most of the men I've been around would be fine with it... but from being here on DC I find man... (read in full...)
Help! I don't want another forbidden love!
Q. I really need some advice! I'm falling for one of my professors and he is married! I'm in college now and I've never been in a relationship because I've always liked men who were old enough to be my dad (even older!). I don't find guys my age ...
A. 27 February 2012: How SAFE it is to fall in love with older married men that you can't have a relationship with....
You can stop having a crush. You do NOT love these men.
You have no clue what love is.
I strongly suggest you find a good therapist to work o... (read in full...)
He declined my proposal with the answer 'I see this happening in the future'. How do I show him marriage would work without being pushy?
Q. Hi, I would appreciate your views on my dilemma. I recently proposed to my boyfriend with a poem I had written myself. We have been together for 18months although do not live together at the moment. We have discussed living together but it's ...
A. 27 February 2012: Congrats!... (read in full...)
He has the ring. When will he find the right moment? Should I wait?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years this June. We have a great relationship and have lived together for the past 2 years. I trust him and he has never given me a reason not to. We are very close and are best friends and lovers. 2 1/2 years ago ...
A. 27 February 2012: Very very strange. We just went this weekend and finished the details of my ring. It will be ready in about 3 weeks. The timing will never be right for me to propose (I have to do the proposal as per his request).
That being said, February 29 i... (read in full...)
Girlfriend withdraws suddenly from the relationship. Is she love avoidant?
Q. (Sorry if this is too long. If you just want to know what I’m talking about jump to the last 2 paragraphs.) I’m in a (very) long distance relationship with a girl for about 4 months now and we’re planning to meet in her city in 1 month. She’s a l...
A. 27 February 2012: You should really consider why you are having this LDR with such a young immature woman. You say she is immature and yet your behavior is just as immature.
IF you believe she is trying to be manipulative, why are you playing games right back with... (read in full...)
He stood me up for no reason
Q. Me and this guy friend arranged to meet up this weekend; his idea actually. We do have a bit of a history. We've never dated but we did have a bit of casual "fun" when we were both single. I ended up developing feelings for him but I think that was ...
A. 27 February 2012: "why is he trying it on with me"
because he can. plain and simple
women need a reason to have sex
men need a place....
everything everyone else said applies too.
it hurts you to think all you were to him was a piece of ass but truth... (read in full...)
I'm married, and falling to pieces because I had sex with another woman. What do I do now?
Q. Hello. I did something really stupid. I had sex with another woman, therefore cheating on my wife. It only happened once and my wife doesn't know. I have no idea why on earth I did it. There's no chance that I'll ever see the woman I had sex with ...
A. 27 February 2012: I too think that you need to
a. figure out WHY you did it.
and
b. take your chances and your lumps and tell your wife.
the guilt will consume you if you don't. and it will color and affect how you think and act... and she will pick u... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with me because I'm attracted to innocent looking women?
Q. Hello guy's, just a little concerned about my taste in women!, usually when i go out etc i have quite a strong attraction towards really innocent looking girls/women (quiet looking, really cute/doll/young faced) and while my friend's are after the ...
A. 27 February 2012: Nothing wrong with you... it's your taste in women.
as long as they are women and not children or borderline (under 18) then I see no harm in it.... (read in full...)
I feel like I should go farther with my 18 y.o. b/f
Q. I just started dating this guy I've liked for a really long time. He's 17 turning 18 next month and I'm 14 turning 15 in July. I know it's a huge age difference but I do really like him and according to his friends (who are also my friends), he ...
A. 27 February 2012: Sweetie, feeling pressure is normal. BUT I’m going to BEG you not to do it. NOT as a mom. NOT as an agony aunt but as my OLD 14 year old self… DO NOT give into this pressure… especially with a boy his age.
ONCE he turns 18 in the USA if you guys... (read in full...)
He texts me with smiley faces. Does he want to pursue a relationship?
Q. So I met this guy who's really nice and very similar to me. I have known him for a few months prior. We both bluntly state that we are extremely attracted to one another. We had a really nice night talking and had some fun with making out and ...
A. 27 February 2012: So glad it went well!... (read in full...)
Should I just let b/f call me when he feels better? I think he blew off our date because he was drunk
Q. After 3 weeks of NC(my boyfriend needed time to get his life together!), my "boyfriend" contacted me telling me he was missing me,wanted to see me, apologized for not being around because he was going through hard times and did not want me to see ...
A. 26 February 2012: Are you in Al-Anon? you need to really consider long and hard whether or not you want to be involved with an alcoholic.
I am. Until they are in recovery and not drinking, their behavior will be colored by alcohol.... and it's a roller c... (read in full...)
He texts me with smiley faces. Does he want to pursue a relationship?
Q. So I met this guy who's really nice and very similar to me. I have known him for a few months prior. We both bluntly state that we are extremely attracted to one another. We had a really nice night talking and had some fun with making out and ...
A. 25 February 2012: FAB-U-LOUS! Have a lovely time!
Don't INSIST that you pay for him, but I think OFFERING ONCE is perfectly fine.
Keep us posted.... (read in full...)
He declined my proposal with the answer 'I see this happening in the future'. How do I show him marriage would work without being pushy?
Q. Hi, I would appreciate your views on my dilemma. I recently proposed to my boyfriend with a poem I had written myself. We have been together for 18months although do not live together at the moment. We have discussed living together but it's ...
A. 24 February 2012: YOu asked. (good for you btw) he said no.
I think the suggestion to wait till your son is out of school is a good one since you don't want to stay in your town and he should not have to switch schools at this point. that's tough on a kid.
... (read in full...)
I want children, just not right now! B/f wants me to forget about education and have them right away
Q. Hi everyone :)...... Just asking for some outside perspectives for the confusing mess iv got going on in my head right now! My partner is 35, I'm 22. He wants kids. Soon. I'm about to graduate in about 15 months. So he wants to start trying so...
A. 24 February 2012: I had my oldest when I was 24... I have so many friends my age with YOUNG kids... while I am happy I had my kids so young I can see I would have been a better mom had I waited.
IF you do not want kids YET do not be pressured into it.
Sadly I... (read in full...)
He texts me with smiley faces. Does he want to pursue a relationship?
Q. So I met this guy who's really nice and very similar to me. I have known him for a few months prior. We both bluntly state that we are extremely attracted to one another. We had a really nice night talking and had some fun with making out and ...
A. 22 February 2012: He may be interested in a relationship or he may think that since you already told him you are interested that he can get sex without having to put much effort into it....
I agree with Mandy however that you need to back off and let him come aft... (read in full...)
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