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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Should I just kiss him already?
Q. I’ve been hanging out with one of my guy friends a lot for the last couple of months (I’ve known him since November-ish). We get along really well and I enjoy his company very much. Sometimes we do kind of nutty stuff together – we once had a ...
A. 9 March 2012: what the heck why not.... and do let us know how it works out...... (read in full...)
Do all guys drop their guy friends, if they are in a relationship or married?
Q. ... when they're in a serious relationship or marriage? Or maybe I should be asking, What type of guys drop their guy friends when they've got a s.o.? I was asking my bf why he doesn't have guy friends he hangs out with. He said they've all gott...
A. 9 March 2012: In my experience it’s important for married couples to have couple friends and for each partner to have “single friends” whether they be part of another couple or not.
I agree totally with Danielepew that no ONE person can be everything to anoth... (read in full...)
How do I find out if he wants more than sex??
Q. I am a 20 year old girl and im very confused! I havent had a long term bf in about a year or so. Any thing since that was just dating. But now, i want a relationship. Ive being seen a friend of a friend for the past 2 months. Im not sure if what he ...
A. 9 March 2012: In a true relationship that's based on love, mutual respect and goals, no sex isn't everything. In a long term relationship at least for me day to day stuff gets in the way of sex and a couple can go weeks without sex (not without contact like ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex stare and try to get really close to me?
Q. I was at my ex's work the other day, he works in a supermarket and i was at the self serve thing with my mum and he wouldnt stop staring at me, he stares at me everytime i go there or even if i see him anywhere, anyways he walked towards me and ...
A. 9 March 2012: who broke up with who?
because if YOU broke up with him then Annalisa is right
if HE broke up with you then Sageoldguy is probably right..
if you broke up with him he may still have deep feelings for you... how long ago did he become your ... (read in full...)
Does he still want to be with me or should I give him space?
Q. Okay, so I met a really nice guy about three weeks ago and we started hanging out. He is 18 and I am 16 and my parents have a huge problem with age differences and so I warned him about it. Things were going really well in our relationship until he ...
A. 9 March 2012: It's a hard situation. IN a few years 16-18 won't be any difference at all but right now it is huge.
I get why your parents are concerned.
IF you are not bf/gf right now and just friends... just give him a bit of time and room...
take... (read in full...)
I snoop on my boyfriend but that's because he gives me reasons to snoop!
Q. Folks, I got caught snooping this weekend while visiting my boyfriend. He looked at me shook his head and walked off to the bathroom. I went in there to beg him to forgive me. He said he did not want to talk about it and he is not mad. The next day...
A. 9 March 2012: OP thank you for the update.
I doubt he was expecting this. And it’s common for cheaters and liars to try to turn it around and make it your fault when clearly it’s not. IT clearly is NOT your fault and I for one am very proud of you for doin... (read in full...)
My boyfriend helps himself to the food in my home and I don't like it!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. I see him at weekends and he stays at my house. When we go out he pays for meals. I am also generous. However, he gets up in the night or early morning and helps himself to food in my house. This really ...
A. 8 March 2012: I have found, OP that when a person gives their POV, the things that are important to them are the things they mention. Why do you have this need to feel like everything is fair and square and even. You say you pay for things alternately so you ... (read in full...)
Do I just have to be okay with no sex in my marriage, or should I find someone to give me that "experience" my body is craving?
Q. Hello, I really need someone to help me out. I have been married to my husband for almost five years, and we have two children together. Ever since we had our second child, my husband and I have had very little to no sex. He could care less about ...
A. 8 March 2012: What does your husband say about this? Some men have a problem with having sex with women that are mothers… if he saw the birth he may be traumatized about it.
HAVE YOU TALKED TO HIM About it? What does he say? Is he willing to go to counseli... (read in full...)
I can't orgasm even with a vibrator!
Q. Hi everyone this has been bugging me for a while now I can't orgasm even with a vibrator I have tried everything creams dildos every time me and my boyfriend have sex I have to pretend I have orgamsed just to keep him happy or he thinks he's useless ...
A. 8 March 2012: are you trying to orgasm from penetration of the vagina?
that will probably never work...
for me I need to have my clitoris stimulated either by my fingers, a tongue, water from my shower head or the vibrator resting ON the CLIT not IN the ... (read in full...)
I snoop on my boyfriend but that's because he gives me reasons to snoop!
Q. Folks, I got caught snooping this weekend while visiting my boyfriend. He looked at me shook his head and walked off to the bathroom. I went in there to beg him to forgive me. He said he did not want to talk about it and he is not mad. The next day...
A. 8 March 2012: doesn't matter what HE wants or or why he's doing it.
what do YOU want?
why would you want to be forgiven for snooping when he owes YOU an apology? He cheats on you (emotional cheating is still cheating)
are you really considering marry... (read in full...)
Those who were successful in LDR, how did you convince your partner to move closer to you?
Q. I am in a LDR of 11/2 years. I developed a habit of snooping very early in the relationship which I think is really bad. I have already fallen in love with the guy so it was hard to get rid of him. He does this thing that I have never seen with any ...
A. 8 March 2012: I’m going to guess that this is the second part of your two part issue.. the first one being about snooping… (same age and Country flag both are LDRs both mention snooping)
I’m going to answer this one first…
“I developed a habit of snoopin... (read in full...)
I broke up with b/f because he won't let me go out with him and his friends
Q. okay my boyfriend and i have been dating 16 months we have a 7 month old baby. the whole time we have been together i have only gotten to hang out with his friends a total of 7 times. everytime i ask him if i can go with him he says no because ...
A. 8 March 2012: the fact that you feel like you have to have his permission to hang out with friends is very telling...
you don't need his permission. if you want to do something you do it.
if he thinks he can control you then yes I think ending the relat... (read in full...)
I don't feel guilty about cheating on my wife until she cries, but even then I secretly enjoy it
Q. Hi Ok,i have got myself in a bit of situation, all self inflicted and im not looking for sympathy just advice. I met my partner on line 4 years ago, i was serving in the forces and whilst i was still married, we were not together, i was seeing som...
A. 8 March 2012: “So i met this incredible woman and had to have her...normal male reaction lol...”
Ummm NO it’s NOT a normal male reaction… a normal male reaction might be “nice, I’d like to hit that” but that would be it… none of this I HAVE to have her... (read in full...)
My boyfriend forgot my birthday?
Q. I waited to see if he would remember, and when he didnt I sent him a text at the end of the day saying the days date. I was expecting him to say sorry and then try to make it up to me in some way. Instead, he sent me a message which was comp...
A. 8 March 2012: I agree he’s being manipulative and it gets old fast. My ex did that to me and I hated it. I used to then so to him after years of that crap “go ahead and kill yourself but don’t do it here and leave a mess for me to clean up”
Don’t feed into... (read in full...)
I am smart, not pretty & a nerd, what can I do to belong and bot be laughed at?
Q. Hey so it's not really relationship but please I need you guys: I'm in my third year of senior school and I am an A* student. I have a passion for art; I work hard in class and I'm on the top 21 list of students in my year and the Gifted and Talen...
A. 8 March 2012: I doubt you are ugly… I can tell you that I’m a geek girl… I love sci-fi and I am a computer geek by profession… us geek girls don’t even begin to come into our own till our late 20s… I’m 52 now and life got GREAT at 40 something. I know you don’t’ ... (read in full...)
Should the girl lead the way, when the boy is unable to achieve an erection??
Q. ive been seeing a really great guy and the other night we decided we were ready to take it to the next level and have sex. we didnt have very long before i had to go so we went into his room and started messing around, to be honest i realised then ...
A. 8 March 2012: trust me dear one he's more embarrassed than you are
it happens and it's not about YOU...
I wouldn't make a big deal about it
you were rushed
it was your first time you were both nervous
his flatmate came home so you were distracted.
... (read in full...)
I want a threesome with my wife & another man, how do I make it happen?
Q. I have been happily married for 12 years with 3 kids. I want to do a 3sum with my wife and another man. I don't want to do anything with the man, the idea just seems very exciting. I know she would never even consider doing a 3sum with anothe...
A. 8 March 2012: If you did it while she was drunk you would betray her trust and you would be letting her down in terms of the vows you took to love honor and protect her....
you decide if turning this hot fantasy into a nightmare that could potentially end your... (read in full...)
I want a threesome with my wife & another man, how do I make it happen?
Q. I have been happily married for 12 years with 3 kids. I want to do a 3sum with my wife and another man. I don't want to do anything with the man, the idea just seems very exciting. I know she would never even consider doing a 3sum with anothe...
A. 8 March 2012: you can't base it on what she says or does when she is drunk...
I am telling you from personal experience this is one thing better left a fantasy.... (read in full...)
I wet my bf's bed, how do I reduce the embarrassment?
Q. I have an embarrassing problem, that i'm almost too embarrassed to ask you all about. Last night I stayed at my boyfriend's house, we've been together 2 and a half years. I woke up to discover I had wet the bed. I was absolutley mortified, as I hav...
A. 8 March 2012: I wet the bed when I was pregnant with my older son... it happens...
my last husband was a bed wetter when we married... he finally stopped... his younger brother (they are 40 and 41 not babies) still does it.
some people are just very deep s... (read in full...)
My bf attacks me about my past, how can I stop him?
Q. Hello all. I've seen a lot of questions here from men who cannot deal with their girlfriend's past, but I'm in at the opposite end of the problem and I need help. I'm sorry this is so long. I have a lot more sexual experience than my boyfriend. I ...
A. 8 March 2012: I am sure I will be attacked for this by some who think I am being overly simplistic. To those young girls who read this and have not yet made such mistakes.. take this as a lesson to you that no matter how well you clean up your act, sometimes ... (read in full...)
I want a threesome with my wife & another man, how do I make it happen?
Q. I have been happily married for 12 years with 3 kids. I want to do a 3sum with my wife and another man. I don't want to do anything with the man, the idea just seems very exciting. I know she would never even consider doing a 3sum with anothe...
A. 8 March 2012: Don't do it.
Yes you are very much out of line for wanting this.
have you talked to you wife about it????
where would you find the guy? craig's list? hire a male escort? a stranger off the street? your best friend?
NO NOT a good... (read in full...)
Awesome friend with benefits situation, but I want more and now I don't know if I should end it or try and move things forward..
Q. I feel like I have sort of an uncommon situation... None of my friends ever quite know what to tell me. Here it goes: So, I have been thinking about ending things with my long term friend with benefits. He and I both care for each other deeply, ...
A. 8 March 2012: I agree that you need to take the chance and put it out there that you want something more than FWB..
so tell me WHAT exactly would change?
you see each other every week
you talk daily
you are making plans in the future...
what is it ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to feel something for your best friend when they don't return the feelings?
Q. is it okay to feel 'something' when you see a guy of your age. because whenever i look at my best friend i always wonder how will it feel if he kisses me. i even had a dream about him kissing me. Is it okay to feel like this about your best friend ...
A. 8 March 2012: it's OK to feel these things... of course it's OK to feel things...
it's what you do with it that matters.... do you want to tell him how you feel?... (read in full...)
How can a guy be still in love with me after 15 years?
Q. How can a guy be still in love after 15 years? He is a family friend, same age and loves me like a crazy. He proposed me few times but I wasn’t ready to get married and didn’t accept. I got married 8 years ago but he is not dating anyone because he ...
A. 8 March 2012: There is nothing you can do for him.
He has chosen to carry the flame for you as a way to avoid intimacy as an adult.
this is NOT anything YOU did.... (read in full...)
How can I know if my girlfriend's had an orgasm?
Q. i have been dating my gf for 1 year and 3 months now. the sex is great...at least for my part. im worried that she might not be liking it. she tells me that she has an orgasm but im not really sure. how can i tell if she does or not? plus anot...
A. 8 March 2012: If she says she's happy just believe her... I can fake an orgasm with the best of them.. I don't do it and I will tell my partner that I'm satisfied but to be honest without manual stimulation and oral stimulation most women will NOT be satisfied. ... (read in full...)
I'm sick, did I get it from giving my new partner oral sex?
Q. On Sunday 26th February, I had protected vaginal intercourse but unprotected oral sex with my new partner for the first time. I didn't ejaculate in her mouth nor did she orgasm whilst I was pleasuring her orally. The next morning, I noticed that...
A. 8 March 2012: I think it's just a very freaky coincidence that you got thrush and then tonsillitis after sex with a new partner.
We all carry yeast and being worn down (sex with a new partner takes time) and then I'm sorry about it... your beloved pet died... ... (read in full...)
One day he's all over me, the next day its nothing, what's the deal with this guy?
Q. Dear Cupid, I need advice on this situation...Ok, my b/f and I were on a break for the whole month of February per his request as he needed to sort out his life. We did text each other through that month but nothing too exciting. Early March, h...
A. 8 March 2012: WHY would he do these things? Because you allowed it. I’m sorry but BREAKS never work… either you are together or you are apart… “taking a break” is the nice way of saying “I want my life back but I’m too scared to go out and see what’s out ... (read in full...)
I am the one who initiates contact, never her!
Q. Hey guys I have a quick question, mostly for the feminine gender here :P So there is this girl I like and we kinda text chat on our phones. Its been just a week since we started this. N mostly its me initiating it. But when it starts it goes f...
A. 8 March 2012: “it’s been just a week”
“we kind of text chat on our phones”
IT’s very early on in this friendship and to be honest just texting (how did you come to text her… in other words how do you know her?) is not much of a foundation to make assumpt... (read in full...)
I think part of a tampon was in me from cycles ago that just came out. Am I ok?
Q. So today, the day after the last day of my period, i was peeing whn I felt something...come out. I only saw a glimpse of it, as it soon washed down into that hole at the bottom of the toilet, but it looked like a blood stained top part of a tampon. ...
A. 8 March 2012: I agree that you are probably just fine but it can't hurt to have a gyn check up for peace of mind.... (read in full...)
Why does she need to find evidence? Why doesn't she believe me?
Q. Your Open Question: Why does my friend behaves this way? does she not trust me? I feel like my friend doesn't believe me or trusts me. She calls me her best friend but I don't think she believes me when I tell her something. I've never lied t...
A. 8 March 2012: I often will verify things that are said to me that I don't know to be fact... it's not about the other person being a liar it's just that i like to be sure about things.... (read in full...)
My b/f of almost a year has not come to see me after a medical procedure. Should I be upset?
Q. I'm really upset that my boyfriend of 11 months did not come to see me after I had an out-patient medical procedure. He lives 1-1/2 hours away and knew about this procedure well in advance. My parents came into town to take me the day of ...
A. 8 March 2012: Did you TELL him you expected/wanted him to come to you? IF you didn’t TELL him you wanted him or needed him to be there for you how was he supposed to know?
Or was this a test to see if he cared as much about you as you care about him?
... (read in full...)
Do guys prefer girls who are high maintenance??
Q. Hmm, so my boyfriend of 1.5 years was talking about his ex-girlfriend (who he dumped after 4 months) saying she was high-maintenance. I asked him if I am high-maintenance too, and he said I'm no maintenance! Is that a good thing or a bad thing?? ...
A. 8 March 2012: You are mixing the ideas. There’s high maintenance people and they are tiresome and it gets old fast.. I do not know of anyone who prefers a high maintenance person.. male or female. I joke that I’m high maintenance but I am only in the sense that ... (read in full...)
Little sex, I'm working nights, found wife's sex toy. Is she cheating?
Q. My wife and I have been together for 4 years but in the last 3 have only had sex maybe 6 times. Just resently I found a sex toy after she went away for a weekend for work. I know she has been using the lotion she got for us also when I was working ...
A. 8 March 2012: That’s not a lot of sex… and she has a toy now? Have you talked to her about it? What’s going on with you two.. is everything else alright?
You need to TALK TO HER… and ask her what’s going on and if everything is alright..
... (read in full...)
I don't think I'm interesting enough to be dating!
Q. One of the main issues I have with myself when it comes to the lack of bothering with dating and relationships is that I just don't find myself interesting. Outside my minimum-wage retail job, I am at home on the computer playing games, l...
A. 8 March 2012: Do you have friends? Do you go out with them? If you play computer game would you be interested in board gaming? I ask because that’s something you can do both on the computer but more importantly IN REAL LIFE… it’s how I met my fiancé. Face to ... (read in full...)
How long do guys wait in a relationship before they expect sex?
Q. Do guys expect sex so soon in a relationship? All the boys talk about it, and everyone i know whose had a relationship have done IT relatively quickly. I've always been scared and holding myself back from relationships because i supposed you could ...
A. 8 March 2012: Some guys might expect sex soon in a relationship but at YOUR age I think it’s a bit premature. Of course you all talk about it… your hormones are raging…. It’s nature’s way to make sure we survive. The problem is that we all mature much later now ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hit me last night, should I be missing him this much?
Q. I don't know what to my bf hit me last night and here i am sitting here wish he was here with me i still love him but should i be missing him this much? i hate it he just moved in with me and i was in a abusive relationship with my daughters dad and ...
A. 8 March 2012: I am sorry your bf hit you. That’s always a shock and very upsetting. Now what happens is up to you truly.
OF COURSE YOU MISS HIM…. It’s NORMAL to miss him. While he did something heinous and evil, most of what you miss is the stuff that w... (read in full...)
I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel!
Q. I am feeling extremely low as I lack support in my life, growing up I grew up in an unsupportive environment as a result I am very independent. Two years ago I ended a 12 year controlling relationship with the father of my child, I gave all I had in ...
A. 8 March 2012: You are overwhelmed and burnt out.
are you in counseling? have you had a medical work up to rule out physical problems?
is it possible that you are suffering from a low grade depression (that can affect sexual desire)....... (read in full...)
B/f says he needs his space right now and we are on a break. Does it sound like we'll get back together?
Q. My bf and I were dating for four months the last few weeks of our relationship we have been fighting. We saw eachother about three or four times a week we talked everyday on the phone texting mostly. One night he decided to go out by himself cuz ...
A. 8 March 2012: Dating for four months…and already fighting regularly….
He changed after he went out by himself…sounds like he saw someone who caught his fancy…
I personally don’t believe in “taking a break” I get it when you have a FIGHT and have to work... (read in full...)
Why don't I feel sexually attracted anymore?
Q. ive been in a relationship for 5 years now and im 25. he is perfect for me really hes good looking, good personality except when he drinks he can be really horrible to me swearing at me and sexually demanding things but hes always really sorry the ...
A. 8 March 2012: You’ve been in this relationship during very formative years of your young adult life. 20-25 is a good chunk of time.
You start out saying He is PERFECT for me then you say that he is good looking and has a good personality EXCEPT when he drin... (read in full...)
Suggestions for spicing things up?
Q. I feel my sex life is getting a little stale. We see each other always one morning a week, same morning, same routine. The sex is amazing but we're getting in a rut. Does anyone have any suggestions for spicing it up? We can't really do a diff...
A. 8 March 2012: yeah why are you only meeting One day a week?
you both have kids do either of you have a spouse or a long term partner in addition to your lover?... (read in full...)
Dad threatened my b/f, we broke up and now are just friends. I don't want to be just friends!
Q. We have been dating but someone told my dad about it and my dad got irritated and threatened the guy to stay away from me. The guy also told me to respect the decision of my dad to prevent him from getting in trouble. Now the guy wants us to be just ...
A. 8 March 2012: Well is dad being irrational? Because maybe he sees something that you do not? Is it ALL boys you are not allowed to date or just this one specific fellow? Because if it’s PERSON SPECIFIC we need more info and it’s possible your dad is correct.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend helps himself to the food in my home and I don't like it!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. I see him at weekends and he stays at my house. When we go out he pays for meals. I am also generous. However, he gets up in the night or early morning and helps himself to food in my house. This really ...
A. 7 March 2012: WOW…. He’s staying at YOUR house I get that. YOU Have small kids I get that. But you have said you are very generous and make more money then him but then you play the ‘single mum” card. Don’t have him over this weekend and ruin it with “buy ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend helps himself to the food in my home and I don't like it!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. I see him at weekends and he stays at my house. When we go out he pays for meals. I am also generous. However, he gets up in the night or early morning and helps himself to food in my house. This really ...
A. 7 March 2012: OP I read your follow up and I’m thinking that this is not a good fit for you relationship wise.
IF you are not happy if he’s asking and you are not helping if he’s doing it on his own what WOULD make you happy?
I envision this: he arriv... (read in full...)
My boyfriend helps himself to the food in my home and I don't like it!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. I see him at weekends and he stays at my house. When we go out he pays for meals. I am also generous. However, he gets up in the night or early morning and helps himself to food in my house. This really ...
A. 6 March 2012: I think you are over-reacting as well. Don’t you want him to feel comfortable in your home… He’s not a stranger or a casual friend he’s your boyfriend and he sleeps at your home in your bed right?
When I started staying at my then boyfriend’s home... (read in full...)
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