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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Men - if you have a really attractive girlfriend, do you still use porn? Do you feel guilty for using it?
Q. Hi are there any men who have really attractive girlfriends as in lots of other people find them attract aswell and they are amazing in bed that still use porn? If so why don't you feel guilty for getting off on others? Also women who don't mind ...
A. 20 March 2012: So, porn is not ok but masturbating is… that’s great..
and just what is he supposed to think about when he masturbates, the stock market? I do not use porn to masturbate but trust me the visions in my head would make a porn star blush… what’s... (read in full...)
Men - if you have a really attractive girlfriend, do you still use porn? Do you feel guilty for using it?
Q. Hi are there any men who have really attractive girlfriends as in lots of other people find them attract aswell and they are amazing in bed that still use porn? If so why don't you feel guilty for getting off on others? Also women who don't mind ...
A. 20 March 2012: So OP are you saying that masturbation is ok but not porn?... (read in full...)
I'm 35, is it wrong to pursue a relationship with a 20-year-old guy?
Q. well, this is a little weird for me. telling this story. im turning 35 this guy who really likes me is turning 20 in a couple weeks.never met but we talk over the phone, facebook hotmail,and x box live. i never hit on him. but it turned out after ...
A. 5 March 2012: Wait wait wait…you have never met IRL?? And then I read this wall of text you wrote about how PERFECT it is with a man you have never met????
All bets are off honey. And the fact that you are even considering marriage at this point is INSA... (read in full...)
My ldr bf what his intentions to me. and where do we stand now?
Q. im in a ldr and my boyfriend is 15 years older than me his nice guy we had ups and down to be in this hard long distance relationship,before we been together as bf/gf we started we talk to regularly on skype everyday we have different time so ...
A. 5 March 2012: if you are just in it for right now and fun and games you don't need to prove to him that you are the right one...
if you are the right one it will magically happen.
to be honest with the distance and the age gap I don't want to see you put ... (read in full...)
I hope I am not being too hasty!
Q. I met someone from online about a month ago. He lives about 3 hours away. The date seemed to go well and we basically have either been texting or talking each day. He also has a son which takes up alot of his time which is understandable. He is a ...
A. 5 March 2012: By the illegal stuff I assume you mean marijuana not crack or meth…. Because if it was crack or meth I’d be inclined to say RUN now… those are some serious addictions…
Roommates are often JUST that…roommates.. not necessarily friends…
If you ... (read in full...)
My FWB got married without telling me
Q. i had been seeing a guy for 8 years on and off always me doing the txting, when we met we both had just gone through a divorce him on is second, he had always told me he couldnt ,wouldnt get involved again and we could be friends so we became f...
A. 5 March 2012: Well what did you expect? You were FWB with him and he made that clear with his words AND his behavior that you meant nothing to him other than a warm penis holder...
He was wrong for NOT telling you he was getting married and for lying to and c... (read in full...)
I've gone from being really wet during sex to being dry-is it an STI?
Q. Hey I know this might sound a little weird but when I use to have sex I did use to get really wet and still do when I masturbate, but latley when having sex I don't seem to get that wet? Is this normal or is there somthing wrong with me or worse ...
A. 5 March 2012: I don't think it's an STD but if you are concerned then I would see the doctor and have them check.. it's not a bad idea to be checked if you are sexually active....
are you getting enough foreplay?
have you changed medications?
there is no... (read in full...)
Great dates, some affectionate passion, but now he's disappeared!
Q. I went on 2 wonderful dates with someone who isn't even from my area, he lives in another state. He was around for business. We both had such a great time together and there was a lot of passionate affection involved in that little time. He kept in ...
A. 5 March 2012: ouch... how much do you really know about this guy?
you met him while he was on a business trip out of his element...and his real life... even though it was work for him I'm sure it was a bit of a holiday as well.
I wouldn't doubt he has som... (read in full...)
How do I manage dating two girls without messing anyone around?
Q. I have the problem that in my last two relationships I had got used and now I'm trying to look again but may have bitten off more than I can chew, because I have two girls that I really like I'm not in a relationship with either, and the one girl ...
A. 5 March 2012: do these girls know about the other? are you making it seem like they are each your one and only? if you are that's wrong...
first thing you must do is be open and honest with both of these women that you are dating more than one AND HAVING S... (read in full...)
Advice on how to help my girlfriend cope with losing her mother to a stroke?
Q. I'm in a lesbian relationship and nearly 5 years ago I lost my mother to breast cancer that metastized to her kidneys and she died of renal failure. It took a hugh toll on me and really took years to become strong again about 3 or 2 1/2 years. My ...
A. 5 March 2012: I am so sorry for both of you for being “motherless daughters’ there is a book of that name that really helped me. I lost my mom when I was 35 which seems old but it’s very young to lose a mother… you are even younger and it’s tragic for both of ... (read in full...)
B/f treats me like I'm his property, not his girlfriend
Q. Dear cupid, I have been seeing my bf for about a year and a half now and things have been changing. In school he always downgrades me infront of hits mates like grabs my butt.. I find it very uncomfy. In school he always acts like I am his property...
A. 5 March 2012: “He always downgrades me in front of his mates”
“I cannot talk to other guys or wear certain clothes”
“he said I couldn’t play because he said so”
THIS IS NOT NORMAL. He is controlling and it will only get worse and this type of behav... (read in full...)
We haven't had sex in 8 months! B/f plays games on PC but won't play with me!
Q. hi im a 45yr woman been with my partner almost 6yrs he play pc games every night in the bedroom we have not had sex in 8 months there is no intimacy at all not even a cuddle i have discussed about the pc but he dosent care its so awkard now that i ...
A. 5 March 2012: IF you have talked to him and he does not care, possibly it's time to consider ending the relationship (even if it's just long enough for him to realize what he's doing in losing you) It seems drastic but it sounds like it's very bad at your ... (read in full...)
Mixed signals, from my ex! Help me!
Q. Why is she doing this? I stop being friends with my ex, so I can recover more effectively. Naturally, she tells me never to contact her, again. So, I block her from any source I think possible. Anyways, in the lunchroom, in the college, she sit...
A. 5 March 2012: I think that folks don't want to admit failure and they figure if they are friendly with an ex it's less of a failure.
IF the breakup occurred at Easter last year you are nearly a year out and when you run into each other saying hello and being pl... (read in full...)
Husband mimics everything I do like he's a parrot!
Q. My husband mimicks everything I say or do to the point where im just fed up listening to him. If I sneeze (i sneeze a lot!) he acts me and laughs. If I scratch my nose or just move some way he copies me. And he mimicks everything I say...
A. 5 March 2012: have you asked him why he does it?
My fiancé often makes fun of me... I have a disorder that makes me sneeze when I am full (after a meal) and since I have had gastric bypass I sometimes sneeze (we are talking like 10- sneezes in a row) after 3 ... (read in full...)
He said after the last girl he just wants to be single!
Q. Well.., I like this guy who is in my year and i get on with him really well but he flirts with everyone he is just that friendly. I got my mate to talk to him sorta and he said he just wants to be single after what his last girl did to him what sho...
A. 5 March 2012: You do nothing. He's not interested in having a committed relationship which at your age is a good thing.
just be yourself... and don't try to get him to be your boyfriend.. you'd be amazed what that can do in the long run...... (read in full...)
Does a guy's penis have a mind of its own?
Q. Okay I know this is a stupid question, but I've always wondered this. I almost asked a guy friend, but didn't because I didn't want him getting the wrong idea so here goes: Does a guys penis have a mind of it's own? Do you move it like you move a ...
A. 5 March 2012: The same muscles that you use to kegel are the muscles a man uses to "flex" his penis...
Many men I know would like very much to have us think that their penis is another life form just attached to their bodies that they have no control over... ... (read in full...)
I like him but does he actually like me?
Q. I am madly in love with this guy but I'm not sure how how feels about me. I spent an entire day alone with him about a week ago and we had so much fun. He asked me about myself and refused to accept that I was boring. He had me feel is hair and kept ...
A. 5 March 2012: Just continue to have fun with him and don't think too long or hard about it... ... (read in full...)
Why do married people expect more out of their relationship than people who have been dating for awhile?
Q. I've come to wonder about relationship expectations, and would like to hear the thoughts of others on this subject. Every so often I read a question and then answers that say "you can't expect this and that at this stage". For example, if a woman ...
A. 5 March 2012: “if a boyfriend can not show you the level of committment, dedication, loyalty, openess etc. that you want, then why would you ever marry him?”
EXACTLY. Dating is a way to figure out if a person has the qualities you want in a life partner.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't know about business/jobs/money. How can I change him?
Q. Hi people! Lately I'm extremely tired of my relationship with my bf of 3 years. He's lovely and great man I can say. Otherwise, we have trouble in communication, we can hardly chat well lately. Sometimes I think that he's too dumb about talk...
A. 5 March 2012: “we have trouble in communication”
“we can hardly chat well lately”
Both of the above statements are easily fixable problems….
“sometimes I think that he’s too dumb…”
OUCH this is a bigger problem…. And I’m not sure you can fix this pr... (read in full...)
My ldr bf what his intentions to me. and where do we stand now?
Q. im in a ldr and my boyfriend is 15 years older than me his nice guy we had ups and down to be in this hard long distance relationship,before we been together as bf/gf we started we talk to regularly on skype everyday we have different time so ...
A. 5 March 2012: Wow… where did “stupid bitch” come from? You have not said anything that indicates that he mistreats you…
How far apart are you?
How often do you see each other
What’s the plan to close the distance?
If you are LDR and have no plans to... (read in full...)
She's happy she is with me but keeps giving me mixed signals!
Q. Hi. So im going to jump right into this but it may end up being somewhat long i dont know haha. but anyway ive been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost four months... weve really gotten into each other and i feel like she may be the one. ...
A. 5 March 2012: AT 17 I doubt she is “THE ONE” but it’s fun to think so isn’t it?
Cindy makes very good points… IF she was THE ONE then you would not have doubts or jealousy or fear that she was going back to her ex because part of being THE ONE for YOU means you ... (read in full...)
2 years since my divorce and haven't found a guy; feeling very low. Help!
Q. Hello, i just need a kick up the backside off you guys please. i'm 36 and am back living at home after i got divorced he cheated on me and bled me and my folks dry.. i'm back in my old bedroom, bored and poor.. i had to go bankrupt so most of my ...
A. 5 March 2012: I think some therapy is a GREAT idea. If you already have struggled with depression you probably are struggling with it now too… I strong suggest that you see the doctor and a counselor and work on those issues….... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is on vacation and I'm feeling anxious. I don't like feeing this way!
Q. My boyfriend has been on vacation for the past few days and will be gone for a week more, and I've felt nothing but anxious the whole time. I can't understand why. I haven't heard from him very much but I can understand that, considering he IS on ...
A. 5 March 2012: Are you upset he went on a long vacation without you? Because I know I would be upset if we had a serious relationship and he took a vacation without me...
... (read in full...)
Why do I still feel so badly a year after a break up?
Q. Why do I still feel like this even after a year? Is this normal? Today is a year since my ex boyfriend broke up with me. I loved him so much. He was my everything. I've never felt that way about anyone else before. We did everything toget...
A. 5 March 2012: very normal to grieve a long time and be gun shy after getting hurt.
I would suggest if you can to find a therapist to help you work through the pain and the anger and the self-doubt and move on.
After a year you should be ready to tentati... (read in full...)
I want to be more than friends. He doesn't.
Q. I was in a relationship with this guy for 7 months and i said i think am falling in love.weeks later he said that we have to end it its not me its him. we remained friends for a year seen each other afew times but know he says that his family like ...
A. 5 March 2012: He’s being fair and honest with you by telling you the truth. YOU can’t make HIM love you or want you the way you want him. You should probably for your own sake and comfort go NO CONTACT with him as you will see everything he says and does as ... (read in full...)
Should I propose or is it too soon, is she too young?
Q. I'm French and I am in a relationship with an Irish girl . I am 37 and she is 21 . She was 17 when i met her first , yes i know she was young and i did try to not let my feelings get me but they did :-( I am with her 2 and a half years and i real...
A. 5 March 2012: You have been together a long enough time. I think a proposal would be very nice. I also think that every woman dreams of a romantic proposal with a ring and heart and flowers age not withstanding.
I was married at 21 (granted what I wanted a... (read in full...)
My boss asked me if I am good in bed
Q. What should i do there a guy that the own of the market that i work at asked me if i was good in bed and told me that i could have who ever i want just have 2 let people what was he getting at am 32 his 59 how can i tell him that am not intertese ...
A. 5 March 2012:
do you have a labor board you can report him to? Sexual harassment at work is illegal here.... (read in full...)
Can you get pregnant from dry humping?
Q. Can dry humping get you pregnant even if there was no ejaculation and you were wearing underwear?...
A. 5 March 2012: I agree with everyone who says if you at 18-21 are asking this question you are not educated or mature enough to be having ANY sexual activity.
My guess is you are 12-14 and didn't want to put your true age down.
dry humping with clo... (read in full...)
Is it right for me keeping my commitment to my wife and god that I will only love my wife even if it destroys my inner self?
Q. Hello everyone I am 30 years old. I have been married to the love of my life for 6 years and we grew together since childhood. I love my wife; however, lately a close friend of ours for 6 years has been the emotional support for me. She practices ...
A. 5 March 2012: I wanted my current fiancé to be my second in a poly lifestyle. My husband and I were swingers and he was fine with that as long as HE was the one having sex with others but the MINUTE I wanted to add another man to the mix he decided he wanted a ... (read in full...)
I'm 35, is it wrong to pursue a relationship with a 20-year-old guy?
Q. well, this is a little weird for me. telling this story. im turning 35 this guy who really likes me is turning 20 in a couple weeks.never met but we talk over the phone, facebook hotmail,and x box live. i never hit on him. but it turned out after ...
A. 5 March 2012: Do not live your life based on what you think OTHER People may say or think.
I am 52 and my fiancé is 38. Thankfully for us he does not want his own kids and my kids are grown so there is no real parenting for him to do.
IF he is happy and ... (read in full...)
Fiance and I had fight, she got nosebleed people thought I beat her and I wound up in jail!
Q. Hello Well how do I start this Basically long story short me and my fiancé got into a fight for the first time a big fight. Before we would just yell or cry it out and make up but it came so bad that bystanders thought it was me beating her but ...
A. 4 March 2012: Something makes no sense to me like Flynn 24
When the cops came and they asked your gf how she got her nosebleed all she had to say was it happened naturally that she was prone to them (if she is) IF they didn't see her get hit then it's on... (read in full...)
I was wondering if you guys/girls think I could become pregnant.
Q. Me and my boyfriend are in a pickle. We had sex and he finished inside of me. BUT some factors will affect this. This was on 3/1/12. Today is 3/3/12. 1. I am on birth control, the pill Ortho-Tricyclen. But on 2/29/12 I couldnt take my pill. ...
A. 3 March 2012: I seriously doubt you are pregnant but for peace of mind you could pee on a stick and see (take a pregnancy test)... (read in full...)
When I asked if my boyfriend would come to see me he said "thanks for the offer"! What is going on here?
Q. Hello, I am wondering if anyone of you have good insight to a mans mind... I recently had a conversation with my boyfriend that has left me confused! We were talking on the phone late in the evening the day before I was to leave to be at my moth...
A. 3 March 2012: Yep what Cindy said. He didn't want to say NO it sounds harsh but he was too comfortable to move....
and if it was me and my bf didn't want to see me the night before i was leaving for a week I'd be mad.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't want to put on facebook that he is in a relationship
Q. okay my boyfriend and i have both have a facebook he use to not have problem with putting that he is in a relationship with me now he don't want to he just wants to keep it as single. i have begged him to change it cause ill feel more comfortable ...
A. 3 March 2012: I"m with Cindy to some extent.
I have a Facebook account. my fiance does not. We got engaged on Wednesday and I changed my status (mind you I am 52 years old not a kid) and by the time I got up in the morning 50 people had liked it and most... (read in full...)
This kind sweet man is a cheater!
Q. Hi All! I am in a relationship with my colleague since a year. I'm 23 years old while he is 41 years old. He is separated (they used to have a lot of arguments) and has two kids who he meets regularly. He is a really nice guy. Friendly, helpf...
A. 3 March 2012: My ex husband was like this. he was kind to everyone. He also had the need to have as many women as possible stroke his ego... It's emotional cheating and to me that is worse than physical cheating.
I was never able to trust my husband.... (read in full...)
Why can't he move on? I am not prepared to be his 'comfort' if he intends to marry another girl.
Q. I was with my boyfriend for 2 years. About 8 months ago, he said we should get married. I met his family and his parents came to meet my parents. This is the way things are done in our culture. At this meeting, I realised that his father didn't like ...
A. 3 March 2012: This is hard for both of you but you have made your choices.
You should block his number so he can't contact you. It will be easier in the long run that way.
He can't move on any more than you can... look at what you wrote:
"Yeste... (read in full...)
Has anyone here risked everything to follow their heart? What was the outcome?
Q. Here is my question: aunts, have any of you (male or female) ever taken a major risk in order to follow your heart? If so, what was the outcome? Do you regret the decision? And here is why I ask. My boyfriend's job has given him notice that he m...
A. 3 March 2012: No one can make the choice for you... let me tell you my story...
we are not as young as you are.... but my now fiance gave up his apartment, his job and his friends to come move to be with me... thankfully I can support us until he finds work so ... (read in full...)
Men - if you have a really attractive girlfriend, do you still use porn? Do you feel guilty for using it?
Q. Hi are there any men who have really attractive girlfriends as in lots of other people find them attract aswell and they are amazing in bed that still use porn? If so why don't you feel guilty for getting off on others? Also women who don't mind ...
A. 3 March 2012: I think that for 52 I'm pretty hot. I'm a goddess on my knees if you ask my fiance. He's younger than I am by a good chunk (13 years) and he loves porn and I'm ok with it.
I rarely turn him down for sex (well I do when he wakes me at 3 am and i... (read in full...)
Why would my Bf react in this very strong way when I touched his anal area?
Q. Most men like some anal activity; yes or no?? Is it wrong to insert a finger in your bf anus if you blow him? My bf almost went beserk and told me to NOT do that!!Is he scared that i might find out he had sex with another man....or is he just scar...
A. 3 March 2012: NOT MOST... SOME. and if you don't ASK before you do it then YES it's wrong.
I have had a few men that would not let me near their anus and a few that LOVED it... so it depends.
whether they like it or not does not mean they have done it bef... (read in full...)
If your partner had chronic health problems, how would it affect your feelings for them? Scared for the future...
Q. I need some emotional support... It's a health issue. I am 52 years old with the back of a 72 year old woman. I found out yesterday that I have 3 compressed discs in my spine and two bulging discs (different from the compressed one...
A. 3 March 2012:
Thank you Bardia and Orbiter for your replies. I appreciate the support. I do get the whole in sickness and in health thing.. but if we married 20 years ago and he got this news I would agree with you both.
BUT what amazed me is that we are ... (read in full...)
What should I get my girlfriend for her birthday?
Q. Ok, I know this isn't a major issue but I'm curious what you guys think... I've been dating my girlfriend for six months now. All of her special days fall right on top of each other (Christmas then V-Day then birthday in March) and I'm not sure...
A. 2 March 2012: Honey Jewelery never gets old. And you are a GEM...flowers and day spa? Woo-hoo..
is it a BIG birthday (a zero or a 5 ending are big ones for me as are ones ending in 9)
or is it a "placeholder" birthday?
dinner out and some nice ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to wear my most slimming outfit 2 times in a row?
Q. I met someone from online about 2 weeks ago. We spoke for 2 weeks prior to meeting as well. We met and the date went pretty well and we seem to like each other. He doesn't live very close and I am going to go visit him this weekend and it will be ...
A. 2 March 2012: Ouch I get that you want to look your best and feel you best... is there any chance you can buy ONE thing different to add to it? maybe a different top under the cardigan... ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to date but wants to "hang out" should I?
Q. I was seeing this guy for almost two months. Everything was going great but he told me he wasnt ready for a relationship at the moment and wants to see other people but he still wants us to hang out. Should i continue to be friends with him or just ...
A. 2 March 2012: I would not hang out... it's hard to go back to being friends after being more than friends...
it rarely works out.
say thank you and move on.... (read in full...)
Do married couples have better sex when drunk?
Q. Do you prefer sex when your drunk as a married couple?. The wife and I Always seem to have the best sex when we have a little too much red wine. The "wildness" comes out! ...
A. 2 March 2012: No I do not like drunk sex... not at all.... (read in full...)
Does my FWB still like me?
Q. Hi everyone hope you can help me I ended a fwb relationship a few weeks ago as he was treating me very badly he would text after work early hours of the morning wanting to come and e See me for sex that was the only time I ever saw him and I had fa...
A. 2 March 2012: Honey he was treating you exactly as a FWB should middle of the night booty calls are what FWB is all about…
If you fell in love with him you were right to end it…
He likes you as nothing more than a handy penis holder… you really need ... (read in full...)
When I asked if my boyfriend would come to see me he said "thanks for the offer"! What is going on here?
Q. Hello, I am wondering if anyone of you have good insight to a mans mind... I recently had a conversation with my boyfriend that has left me confused! We were talking on the phone late in the evening the day before I was to leave to be at my moth...
A. 2 March 2012: I agree with Janniepeg. “thanks for the offer” is a round about way of saying no.
I agree you nagged at him to see you and yes it hurts that you are going to be gone a week and he didn’t want to see you and he could have been a bit more forthrig... (read in full...)
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