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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I think I should end it, but I don't want to hurt her.....
Q. I recently posted a question about me dating a woman 28 years older than me. We've been together for 6 weeks and at first we were all cuddly and mad about each other but now it seems like she's gone off me and just wants me for my money. ...
A. 7 April 2012: thanks for the update OP.... i know this is a rough time for you but I think it's a good move on your part... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 23 March 2012: but Kyle ya gotta try the shoes ON to see if they fit if you go shoe shopping..
here in my state they have to wear thongs or G-strings.
and yes I've been to the strip clubs...... (read in full...)
I'm 17 weeks pregnant and it now hurts after sex
Q. Hi can someone help me, recently it really hurts after sex, and no i don't have any infections i got checked out yesterday it gets really painful after he ejaculates i have been sexually active for 5 years and its just started happening recently, i ...
A. 23 March 2012: I am in the USA so I am not sure your brands there but here we would use soemthing like Ivory which is "99.9% pure" or Dove "1/4 cleansing cream"
suggestion is that you get something UNSCENTED and without additives... glycerin soap might wo... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend gay because he watches porn?
Q. My boyfriend watches porn, is he gay? I confronted him about it and he denies his not. am I being in denial?...
A. 23 March 2012: my advice is to ASK him... talk to him about it.
... (read in full...)
I'm 17 weeks pregnant and it now hurts after sex
Q. Hi can someone help me, recently it really hurts after sex, and no i don't have any infections i got checked out yesterday it gets really painful after he ejaculates i have been sexually active for 5 years and its just started happening recently, i ...
A. 23 March 2012: burning around the opening? yeah sounds like an irritation...
could be soap, fabric softener, or laundry detergent, new body wash or lotion... new lube?
... (read in full...)
I'm 17 weeks pregnant and it now hurts after sex
Q. Hi can someone help me, recently it really hurts after sex, and no i don't have any infections i got checked out yesterday it gets really painful after he ejaculates i have been sexually active for 5 years and its just started happening recently, i ...
A. 23 March 2012: well if the doctor can't find something wrong ...
what is the pain like?
sharp
dull
ache
throb?
... (read in full...)
I'm 17 weeks pregnant and it now hurts after sex
Q. Hi can someone help me, recently it really hurts after sex, and no i don't have any infections i got checked out yesterday it gets really painful after he ejaculates i have been sexually active for 5 years and its just started happening recently, i ...
A. 22 March 2012: and did you ask the doctor about this pain?... (read in full...)
I'm 17 weeks pregnant and it now hurts after sex
Q. Hi can someone help me, recently it really hurts after sex, and no i don't have any infections i got checked out yesterday it gets really painful after he ejaculates i have been sexually active for 5 years and its just started happening recently, i ...
A. 22 March 2012: you must call the doctor and discuss it with the doctor... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says she is in love with me but is not physically attracted to me!
Q. Hello everyone I'm not sure how common is this question but can you be in love with someone and yet have no physical attraction to your partner? I ask this because that's what my girlfriend says about me. I know I'm not the greatest looking guy...
A. 22 March 2012: If you are in love with someone it does not matter if they are Quasimodo you will think they are the hottest thing since sliced bread.
I’m 52 and I look it. My fiancé is a geeky looking 38. When we STARTED our fling (it was not a romance at firs... (read in full...)
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend
Q. Ok, so let me ask this to the ladies. If you've gone out with a guy a few times and you're really starting to like him quite a bit, and THEN you ask about his previous relationships and he's honest with you and tells you he's never had a girlfriend ...
A. 22 March 2012: my 38 yr old fiance had ONE short (less than a year) serious relationship when we started our fling... I had 3 husbands before him. I didn't kick him to the curb...
we ended up in counseling to work on communication skills but other than that I w... (read in full...)
I am jealous that other men got her while she was partying, carefree and slim, and I only get the "in debt and less attractive" version of her
Q. Hi all, hoping you can help me out here. I've been dating a girl who I really love for almost 4 years now. I know she loves me too. Something causes me to be really upset and question my whole relationship. I should give a bit of background, she ...
A. 22 March 2012: you ARE judging her.
I think you need to leave her. I think that if she has a beer belly now and you find that unattractive that if you stay together and she bears your children her sagging leaking breasts and huge stretched out belly will dis... (read in full...)
Caught my husband looking at she-male porn, and he has had unusual sexual preferences in the past...what does this all mean?
Q. I just caught my husband of three years looking at she-male porn. When I walked into the room, he closed down the page quickly and deleted the cookies, but I still saw what he was doing. It's not the first time he has done it - he's done it several ...
A. 22 March 2012: Many straight men like anal play. It does not make them bi or gay. And many of them like to look at gay porn or shemale porn and fantasize about it… does not make them gay or anything else other than open sexually and having a vivid imagination…
... (read in full...)
She can orgasm when she masturbates but never with me!
Q. Hello All, I have been dating the same girl for over three years now. We have been sexually active for over two. In those two years she has never been able to have an orgasm with me. We have tried everything-- we have had vaginal intercou...
A. 22 March 2012: Sounds normal to me. I am 52 years old and have had more partners than I can count… I have only ever had ONE who could bring me to orgasm and that was through oral. I have been able to masturbate to orgasm since I was a young child so it’s never ... (read in full...)
Sexless marriage after 27 years, how can I change this hopeless situation?
Q. Im not sure how can I stay in this marriage. It's a shame, but now it is now, 100% sexless. After 27 years. The sad thing is that he used to be very sexual and now he never even looks at me. He has problems getting an erection long time ago, but ...
A. 22 March 2012: I agree that he needs a medical work up.
IF you are not sexually satisfied (and i sense that if he gave you love and affection and cuddles and kisses then the rest would work out but that he is not giving you ANY type of sexual attention) then you... (read in full...)
Major crush on my neighbor, but we are both in relationships! What should I do?
Q. Hi everyone, I have a question. I have this neighbor who lives right next door to me who I have a major crush on for a while. I know he likes me too we flirt all the time and he acts all shy and nervous when we talk. This is the thing, he is with ...
A. 22 March 2012: “the thing is he is with someone and I am with someone”
END Of conversation
you go on to justify that your partner has cheated and lied… (and yet you are still with him) as if that makes your crush ok…
GET HIM off your mind. Aunty BimBi... (read in full...)
He hurts me so much but he is like a drug I cant live without! Help!
Q. Dear cupid My bf of 2 years constantly avoids me, often humiliates me and when i ask he says he was joking, joking or not joking, his words affect me. I told him not to do that, he never listens. I dont want his words to affect me so much, but it ...
A. 22 March 2012: Constantly avoids me
Often humiliates me
I’m scared to call him
HE never calls me
I HATE MYSELF
READ the above words….
You will do what you want to do till you no longer want to do it…. Why are you so afraid of being alone?
Is bei... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend gay because he watches porn?
Q. My boyfriend watches porn, is he gay? I confronted him about it and he denies his not. am I being in denial?...
A. 22 March 2012: Is he watching gay porn? Oh well maybe he likes gay porn. My man watches shemale porn it does not mean he wants a shemale… just because a man watches gay porn does not make him gay… nor does watching any type of porn make him gay… it means he ... (read in full...)
My husband blames stress for the cold sore on his lip but it seems highly doubtful, given his closeness with his co-worker. What do you guys think?
Q. I need some advise on cold sores. (Okay, let's call them what they really are Herpes.) I have been with my husband for 7 years and not once has he ever had one. But then about a year ago a younger woman got a job at his office. I didn't worry about ...
A. 22 March 2012: Let’s point out that chicken pox and shingles are ALSO herpes.
I have lunch with male co-workers all the time. I text with them… I’ve been known to hug them. I spend MORE time with my co-workers during the week than I do with my life partner.... (read in full...)
More that sex buddies ? Or do I move on ?? Help ? Advice needed! Please
Q. i have a sex buddy , we text each other often. But lately it seems I've caught feelings for him. He gives me mixed feelings. One day he gives me hope the next day I'm upset thinking what it could of been. We act like were in a relationship when we ...
A. 22 March 2012: IF you are falling for your FWB you need to guard your heart and stop sleeping with him.
“if he just wanted me for sex he wouldn’t do all that would he?” YES he would.
IF you want more than FWB you need to stop playing games and waitin... (read in full...)
He still seems interested, but he has backed off when it comes to meeting up. What is going on?
Q. I met a guy on a chat site about a month ago, he is 22 I'm 40. Straight away we realized we worked for the same company in the same building. So we started emailing each other on and off every day. We became friends on Facebook and exchanged mobile ...
A. 22 March 2012: I agree with what worldlywise has said...
he had his fun and he's savvy enough to not end it badly but he's not interested in a relationship with you... it was just fun and games for him.... (read in full...)
Should I change my hair colour for him?
Q. I am dating a new guy and his type is brunette with olive skin. I am blonde, which i dye. My natural color is dark brown. Should I go back to my natural color? He asked me to but acted like he was joking but i dont think he was. So stay blond or go ...
A. 22 March 2012: DO not change your hair color FOR HIM... change it for yourself if you want.
never make any changes for anyone but yourself.
that being said: when I met my fiance he told me he preferred dark haired women... I am naturally dark brune... (read in full...)
I only see my boyfriend once a week!
Q. Hello all, I have been seeing my BF for over a year now, but am not seeing him enough, I have discussed this with him many times. but nothing changes. He calls me, and stuff, but we only see each other once a week sometimes twice, but not very oft...
A. 21 March 2012: Agreed that if you are having sex when you see him it's about the sex....
When I was LDR (by 2 hours) we did everything we could (including a 2-3 hour commute twice a week) to be together... we hated even 3 nights apart...
if you back off he ... (read in full...)
He went to the movies with a girl and lied to me about it...
Q. First, I'm in love with my best friend. We have been close for about 2 years now, we're always together. But we also have sex together, although we aren't actually in a relationship. He knows that I have feelings though and we have had ...
A. 21 March 2012: Oh dear… first paragraph… FWB…. And you are in love with him… you are just a walking bag of hurt waiting to happen sweet thing.
He lied to you because he doesn’t want to hurt you because he doesn’t want you to stop sleeping with him.
If he’s y... (read in full...)
Does anyone else have trouble forgiving in a relationship?
Q. Does anyone else find that whenever anyone does anything wrong they can't forgive them very easily? It's like whenever anyone's done anything wrong in a relationship I can't forgive them all I can do is keep moaning and going on about it. I am so ...
A. 21 March 2012: I'm too forgiving for my own good.... (read in full...)
Why wont the guy I'm dating add me to facebook?
Q. The guy im seeing wont add me on facebook. We've been dating 4 months and after our 3rd or 4th date I added him but he didnt accept. I got angry one night and took it up with him and he told me the reason he didnt accept is because it still said he ...
A. 21 March 2012: Are you sure he gets on facebook? I have friends that don't actually get on all that much... and with the new configs of it, it's confusing.
you need to ask him.... (read in full...)
I want my ex to know the relationship is over!
Q. My ex and I have dated for a little over two years. I sort of ended our relationship the last week of February by email. We had broken up twice before than and had always reconciled, which the best idea. But, I was in love for the first time, in m...
A. 21 March 2012: “I sort of ended our relationship”… what do you mean you SORT OF ended it. Either it’s over or it’s not.
He may owe you an apology but breaking up “sort of” via email sucks…. You needed to at the bare minimum call him and tell him it was over... (read in full...)
Can you strictly take care of physical needs and not harm the friendship?
Q. hey,, i have a friend,, but she's just a friend , we are both singles, and we do not love /crush each other. is it right for us to have sex, just for our physical needs, will it hamper our relationship, if we dont get mentally involved. plzzzz rply...
A. 21 March 2012: "she's just a friend" not for long.....
it will mess up the friendship....... (read in full...)
Sex hurts..
Q. I lost my virginity about a month ago. since then, i've had sex about 4 times. the problem is that i have pain during penetration. he can get it all the way in but he is not able to thrust because it hurts me. will this go away or is there something ...
A. 21 March 2012: are you lubircated enough during sex?... (read in full...)
Does sucking make the breast bigger?
Q. does sucking increase the size of breast ...
A. 21 March 2012: Gad if it did I'd be huge.... i nursed two kids for years.... (read in full...)
Eight years later and I am still confused about what he wants!
Q. I want to know if I am in love and what the hell is going on? I have known this man for 8 years, we went on a couple of dates 6 years ago, then he moved away for college, then we started up a long distance relationship for five months 4 years ago ...
A. 21 March 2012: What’s confusing? He said not to wait… you don’t live in the same country…. He’s phoned ONCE since Christmas (that was THREE MONTHS AGO)…
What does it matter what HE wants… what do YOU want? I can tell you that he does not want a long term... (read in full...)
What do you think of our relationship? Is this a pipedream for me?
Q. Ok so in need of some good advice.. I have been with my fella for 8 months..he always tells me he loves me, we have a really good connection and I really love him. I have my own house (rent it) and a good job, good family and friends and a go...
A. 21 March 2012: I agree that there is no need to protect you from his ex…
He SAID he loves you… do you believe him? Does he SHOW you he loves you. I am with a man now who NEVER says “I love you” but I know loves me more than a man that used to say it every da... (read in full...)
How can women watch porn with their partners?
Q. One thing that bugs me is how can women watch porn with their boyfriends/husbands? Aren't you bothered he's getting turned on by another woman, who he possibly thinks is hotter? The thought is horrible....
A. 21 March 2012: We watched some the other night… first we laugh at the corny attempts to have conversation… they we laugh at the contrived situations… and we cuddle and finally tend to get busy.
Now what turned him on? Maybe the porn? Maybe my hand on his thig... (read in full...)
What happens to a person with unique style but ugly characteristics?
Q. I have a weird assumption in mind and I'd like to have people talk about it. It is about variation of choice in partners. Lets say there are two groups of people: 1)Ones that are relatively normal, are tolerant against ugly characteristics suc...
A. 21 March 2012: You certainly do have weird assumptions.
Acne is not an ugly characteristic and can be controlled with proper care by a medical professional
And a person who is overweight is not ugly or slovenly or lazy. That’s very judgmental of you.
Ther... (read in full...)
I think I should end it, but I don't want to hurt her.....
Q. I recently posted a question about me dating a woman 28 years older than me. We've been together for 6 weeks and at first we were all cuddly and mad about each other but now it seems like she's gone off me and just wants me for my money. ...
A. 21 March 2012: I agree that since she is not caring about YOUR feelings you don't need to care about hers... she appears to not care about you all that much anyway...
just tell her that it's not working out and that you are sorry but you need to move on.
... (read in full...)
Do men stop using porn when they have a girlfriend?
Q. Hi everyone, us women need hope is there any men here who stop using porn/looking at it when they have a girlfriend? ...
A. 21 March 2012: I don't hope he stops. I don't care if he looks... we look together...
and honey we live together and he has free and full access to me at all times.... ... (read in full...)
Me and my boyfriend don't know which day our anniversary would be!
Q. Please help us settle this debate. My boyfriend and I in a disagreement about when our official anniversary should be celebrated. Option 1: September 8th. This is the day we first slept together. We had been dating for two months before this dat...
A. 21 March 2012: I always went with the day they asked me to go steady (what us old folks called it back then).... but then we never slept together till we were going steady.... (and if we did then it never got serious)
... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 20 March 2012: ya know I don't know of many men that get much more than horny from a lap dance... unless they are 16 yr old virgins...
a bit of grinding on the lap of an adult male who has to sit on his hands (you aren't allowed to touch them when they dance) ... (read in full...)
Can a girl get pregnant from being fingered with sperm on the fingers?
Q. so my girlfriend and i were having sex... i pulled out and came on her stomach... i got some on my hand which we wiped off with a towel and wiped off her stomach then about 2 minutes later i started to finger her again and fingered her for a while.. ...
A. 20 March 2012: She can get pregnant from you being inside her without a condom!
why are you two playing with fire?
You know what they call kids who have unprotected sex using the withdrawal method? PARENTS.
Sperm meets egg... sperm fertilizes egg... ... (read in full...)
What do you think of our relationship? Is this a pipedream for me?
Q. Ok so in need of some good advice.. I have been with my fella for 8 months..he always tells me he loves me, we have a really good connection and I really love him. I have my own house (rent it) and a good job, good family and friends and a go...
A. 20 March 2012: I think you are wasting your time as well. 8 months is not a long period of time for young folks but for us older folks you know what you want…. He gives you the answers you want (maybe in a white dress)… to placate you but keeping you away from ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend does not study and it bugs me, what can I do to motivate him?
Q. hey so, my bf and I go to school together and we have 2 classes together. It really bugs me because I'm really serious about school like I'm always studyingand trying to get really good grades, but my bf on the other hand would rather play video ...
A. 20 March 2012: Go find yourself a study group to study with... it's never a good idea to lock yourself into one person to do everything with anyway.
You are not his mother and he has to be a grown up about school... if he's not, there is not much you can do..... (read in full...)
Why is having sex painful?
Q. why is sex painful...
A. 20 March 2012: Depends on what you are doing....
but Tisha is right you need to see a gyn....... (read in full...)
We were going out, now she changed her Facebook status, what does this mean?
Q. Ok I met this girl a couple weeks ago.I'm 25 and she's 26. We have been a multiple dates and she says she is interested in me and we have lots of fun together. She doesn't have a job and can't drive cause she doesn't have her licence. So i have to ...
A. 20 March 2012: 1. why does she not have her license?
2. why is she not working?
3. why are you buying her things she WANTS not what you want to buy for her?
as for her facebook status... you need to ask HER who this guy is that she's engaged to... my ste... (read in full...)
We brole up because neither was willing to move, should I visit him although there's no hope?
Q. I want to visit my Ex-boyfriend in NYC. We broke up while in an LDR because neither one of us are willing to move. That remains our 'reason' for breaking up, though we also had a very volatile relationship while physically together so I'm not sure ...
A. 20 March 2012: IF you are ok with having sex with an ex (and we know that is what it will deteriorate into) and walking away then go have one last fling...
But ya know what... as much as I love sweets I know they are bad for me.... I indulge once in a while b... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for being curious about what she is doing when she is on this game for up to 8 hours a day?
Q. My girlfriend plays World of Warcraft from anywhere from 3 to 8 hours a day.When I walk by her I sometimes stop to look at her "whisper" box to see who she's talking to. She has become increasingly upset at this,telling me I'm annoying and rude ...
A. 20 March 2012: I agee that if she's hiding the chat part she's got something going on she does not want you to know about.... (read in full...)
How could he not know my name?!
Q. So a few weeks ago I decided to go on criagslist personals. I came across an ad for a guy and decided to reply. We exchanged pictures, and hit it off instantly. We began emailing eachother back and forth every day for about a week and then he asked ...
A. 20 March 2012: umm, yeah you are just a nameless faceless person to text with...
if he was REALLY interested in anything he would have asked you out first... seriously.
I agree that deleting the emails is odd.
I have every email my fiance and I have ever s... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 20 March 2012: Well I’m not a guy but I’m giving you my opinion anyway… I don’t think it has anything to do with sex or having a loving girlfriend and it’s not a deal breaker for me.
It’s not normal or abnormal it’s just what some men like to do. I’ve bee... (read in full...)
Genital warts! Deal breaker or not?
Q. I met this girl a little while ago and she told me she had genital warts!!!!! weve been going out for like 2 months mainly getting to know each other and she told me. We havnt done anything sexual yet. Cause we just got out of relationships and ...
A. 20 March 2012: It may be a deal breaker for you but it’s not for me. She was honest with you. And I think you need to give her kudos and tons of respect for that. If she was honest about it and she is being treated for it and knows not to engage in ... (read in full...)
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