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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is there anything that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis?
Q. If you are a woman who can have vaginal orgasms during penetrative sex (not g-spot orgasms), can you please tell me whether there is anything at all about a man that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis during penetrative sex? E.g. for an av...
A. 27 March 2012: Some are bigger than others EWO!... (read in full...)
I think we're 3 or 4th cousins, should we just date?
Q. Okay, I've met a female that I find to be heaven sent and she has made it evident that she feels the same way about me. The problem is that we both have recently discovered that we have some kin in common. Apparently her Grandfather is my ...
A. 26 March 2012: barely related in my book
if you both feel the same GO FOR IT.... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to start showing other people we are together so they know not to mess with our relationship?
Q. Hello guys I need a mature advice of dealing with this situation. I am in a LDR. There seem to be a trust issue that I have gotten over after I did all my homework and realize that my man is not physically cheating. Hey I have friends too in my area ...
A. 26 March 2012: How LDR are you? 1 hour 2 hours? A plane ride?
How often do you see each other? Monthly? Quarterly?
What are the plans to end the distance? He’s moving? You’re moving? You are splitting the distance?
If you are not so sur... (read in full...)
How do I ask her out?
Q. Hi all! There is a girl that lives near me, she’s a hairdresser and my dad is friends with her dad. As she’s local and I know her dad and brother abit, I added her on Facebook. The thing is, I’ve fancied her for a while but don’t know her enough top ...
A. 26 March 2012: Nope not right at all… sometimes I don’t reply to facebook messages that don’t ask specific things and sometimes I don’t get them all that quickly if I don’t’ log in and check for them.
Stop OVERTHINKING this…she’s not a magical being… she sits... (read in full...)
How much time does a man need to commit?
Q. "Please babe just give me some time" I don't even know where to begin. I met his guy a year and a half ago and we hit it off right away even though its long distance. All my friends and families and his know that we are serious about each other and ...
A. 26 March 2012: How much longer can you deal with him? That’s up to you… if the relationship is not working for you (who cares if it works for mom or dad or your friends)… then it’s not working and you have to make a choice…
If you give him an ultimatu... (read in full...)
How do I ask her out?
Q. Hi all! There is a girl that lives near me, she’s a hairdresser and my dad is friends with her dad. As she’s local and I know her dad and brother abit, I added her on Facebook. The thing is, I’ve fancied her for a while but don’t know her enough top ...
A. 26 March 2012: why to you have to subtly ask?
how about you contact her via phone (message her on facebook if you must get the number) and say... hey wanna go get some coffee or something and get to know each other better?
... (read in full...)
Met on a sugar daddy website but it hasn't turned out to be that kind of arrangement, do you think anything serious can come of this?
Q. To Whom it may concern: About two months ago I met someone online on a sugar daddy website. It was the first time either of us has ever met up with anyone from the website. Lets call him Jack. Jack is 39 and very wealthy. His work causes him to tr...
A. 26 March 2012: Be yourself… maybe he doesn’t like texting most mature people don’t have relationships via text….
Bascially honey you are just a cheap call girl to him right now.. he puts out dinner and you spread your legs for him…
A true sugar daddy… he’... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to move in with me for another 2 years!
Q. Feel free to be as honest as possible. I have been with my bf for 3.5yrs now, and he decided at the 2.5yr stage he wasn't ready to live with me. So I accepted that. I wasn't quite ready either, but was looking forward to the prospect. We had a convo ...
A. 26 March 2012: What is his rationale for not wanting to live together yet?
is it financial?
is it religious?
if you are ready now and he is not and you don't want to compromise, then you will have to make a very hard choice...
... (read in full...)
Is there anything that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis?
Q. If you are a woman who can have vaginal orgasms during penetrative sex (not g-spot orgasms), can you please tell me whether there is anything at all about a man that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis during penetrative sex? E.g. for an av...
A. 26 March 2012: Dear Dear DEAR OP,
(pats the young padawan on his darling head)….
I am going to tell you that for me the optimum penis is attached to the man I love regardless of the size.
My first husband was too big (he was around 8 inches and thic... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has become way too skinny and his eating habits are driving me nuts!
Q. This may seem like a silly question, but it's something that's really starting to get to me severely. My boyfriend and I recently moved in together. We had lived together once before but his job moved away so we ended up back with our parents...
A. 26 March 2012: While he may be within the weight charts, I know if I weigh what the charts say I should weigh I look anorexic.. also you are used to him having padding and maybe you just prefer a guy with a bit of padding..
I have picked up about 15 pounds fr... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend easy?
Q. my girlfriend told me what she did before we met telling me how she let a guy fuc` her in the as` on the first night .she tell me this when we are fighting as she know it hurts me. she just told me she had 4one nightstands a guy told me she was easy ...
A. 25 March 2012: you make it sound like she had no choice.... sounds to me like you couldn't deal with her being comfortable with her sexuality. ... (read in full...)
Is looseness a sign of cheating?
Q. Okay I'm a young male around 18-21. My girlfriend lately has been very distance and when.we do have sex she feels loser. Is this a sign she is cheating?...
A. 25 March 2012: My first husband was HUGE I had two babies with him... (granted by C-section) and we were young so sex was frequent...
I have had multiple large partners...
My current partner is on the smaller side of average and I'm still too snug for h... (read in full...)
What are a man's intentions when he says this?
Q. what does a guy really mean, if he says " you looked pretty fine to me last night?" He has a gf, but they only been going out 2 months, and me and him were emailing b4 they started going out. anyway i turned up to his gig where he was playing ...
A. 25 March 2012: he has a girlfriend... so let's look at this
if he meant "I want to cheat on my girlfriend with you" it means he's a liar and a cheater so you wouldn't want to be with him as a boyfriend because you will never trust him to not cheat on you... (read in full...)
Is there a good way to remove pubic hair?
Q. quick question, is there a best way to remove pubic hair? if i shave it i get wired spots there ...
A. 25 March 2012: I can't even begin to imagine waxing testicles...... (read in full...)
Can we have sex on our wedding night when he's going to be in a cast?
Q. I am 24 and a virgin. It's not like I didn't choose this because I wanted to give my all to my gorgeous fiance. Anyway we get married in May and I was fine with the idea of how we will spend the night and what we will get up to in the bedroom. ...
A. 25 March 2012: I have had a cast on my leg but the bone hurt for at least 3 weeks after surgery to repair a break.
and to be blunt it hurt badly with an orgasm... for a few weeks...the bone throbbed horribly and it was very painful.
is there anyway thi... (read in full...)
Question for the guys: Why do married men flirt?
Q. I have a question from you guys. Why married men flirt? They want to get in to your pants? They want to add just a little flavor to their day? Or to see if they are still capable of attracting someone? So what is it? Why I am always a target, ok I ...
A. 24 March 2012: Well to me what you describe is NOT flirting...
winking and blatant staring (head turning) is just rude childish behavior.
smiles are innocuous...
you already clearly are very self-assured so perhaps what is just being friendly is being ... (read in full...)
Is there a good way to remove pubic hair?
Q. quick question, is there a best way to remove pubic hair? if i shave it i get wired spots there ...
A. 24 March 2012: are you shaving with a razor or an electric?
personally I don't like a fully shaved man... i prefer nicely trimmed. I suggest a body trimmer...... (read in full...)
Are his lies that bad? Is it better to end things now, or try and keep going?
Q. I am feeling so terrible right now and need some advice. I really don't know what to do.... I just broke up with my boyfriend. I didn't necessarily mean to. I found out he lied to me, and I was so hurt that I sent him a text saying exactly, ...
A. 24 March 2012: He may not be doing those things now... but what happens if in 3 or 4 or more years he gets a little bit less available and he doesn't answer the phone or he does come in late....
i was married to a liar. even when he wasn't lying i did not tr... (read in full...)
Is looseness a sign of cheating?
Q. Okay I'm a young male around 18-21. My girlfriend lately has been very distance and when.we do have sex she feels loser. Is this a sign she is cheating?...
A. 24 March 2012: when the vagina is NOT aroused the walls collapse on itself so that even a pinky finger will be tight...
it's a muscle not magic.... (read in full...)
Is he abusing me?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years has been verbally and emotionally abusive. I have been devastated but he says it's not abuse. Again today he shut off the cable, the Internet and the phones. All meanwhile he is calling me a slut, dumb bitch, stupid and my 10 ...
A. 24 March 2012: yes of course it's abuse.
... (read in full...)
We've broken up ten times, but I can't imagine being with anyone else
Q. Me and my boyfriend of 17 months broke up last Thursday. we have a 8 month old daughter together. this makes the 10th time we have broken up. he said that things didn't feel the same. simply because the last time we broke up we got into a big fight ...
A. 23 March 2012: instead of thinking about being with SOMEONE else, how about you figure out how to be a great single mom.... and yes he needs to be paying child support if you have custody of the child...
you want to be with him because it's easier to be with som... (read in full...)
We've broken up ten times, but I can't imagine being with anyone else
Q. Me and my boyfriend of 17 months broke up last Thursday. we have a 8 month old daughter together. this makes the 10th time we have broken up. he said that things didn't feel the same. simply because the last time we broke up we got into a big fight ...
A. 23 March 2012: instead of thinking about being with SOMEONE else, how about you figure out how to be a great single mom.... and yes he needs to be paying child support if you have custody of the child...
you want to be with him because it's easier to be with som... (read in full...)
How does a woman stay happy regardless of whether she's in a relationship or not?
Q. People always say as a woman, you should not need a man to make you happy. I agree with that, and I think its important to learn to stand on your own two feet and be happy with your own company. But sooner or later, you will meet a guy. And if th...
A. 23 March 2012: you are not 'suddenly dependent on a man again"
a life partner is not a babysitter. it's a PARTNER... someone you work with.... but you don't give up your life
if you go to classes keep going (it's yoga for me)
keep having girls night o... (read in full...)
People give me nasty looks, so when they get one back they don't like it! Why is this?
Q. I dont get it, People are rude to me give me nasty looks but then when i do it to them they dont like it. Well what do you expect? What you put out you will get back? If your nice people will be nice back. Why are people like that if they dont ...
A. 23 March 2012: I'm with Ciar, I have only smiling friendly people in my life's journey... interestingly enough my sour and dour fiance often has bad nasty people interact with him...
How about if folks are nasty to you you are kind back to them just to mess... (read in full...)
He dumped his ex after having sex with her, so I'm scared to lose my virginity to him in case he does the same to me!
Q. i have been dating this guy for the last one year,he is wonderful,we get along very well.We have never been intimate.My problem is,he has seen and done a lot of sex before.He dumped his ex after having sex with her..Am afraid to loose my virginity ...
A. 23 March 2012: There is no TEST for if a man truly loves you. IF he loves you, you will know it. Trust me.
IF you fear he won’t marry you after having sex with you then DO NOT have sex with him.
there is no rule that says you need to have sex with som... (read in full...)
My wife is matron of honor, and the best man is her ex!
Q. My wife and I have a question about weddings and what to do. My wife has this very good friend. After me, I guess you could say she was her 2nd best friend. She's getting married this summer. She asked my wife to be her matron of honor. My wi...
A. 23 March 2012: Neither of you is right. this is about feelings...
has your wife talked to her girl friend who asked her to stand up for her as her HONOR attendent??? this is a big huge deal to be honest and I think that you and your wife should put aside yo... (read in full...)
Why wont my husband have sex with me?
Q. i am married and have been for 8yrs me and my husband has not had sex for 2yrs. he is 56 and i am 49 for some reason i dont know why he wont have sex with me and i have asked him if it is me and he says no he just says it is him...
A. 23 March 2012: “i have asked him if it is me and he says no he just says it is him”
You are asking the wrong questions. You have to ask him what the problem is…. Has he been to the doctor and had a medical work up? My dad at about 60 developed LOW-T (testost... (read in full...)
Are his lies that bad? Is it better to end things now, or try and keep going?
Q. I am feeling so terrible right now and need some advice. I really don't know what to do.... I just broke up with my boyfriend. I didn't necessarily mean to. I found out he lied to me, and I was so hurt that I sent him a text saying exactly, ...
A. 23 March 2012: Lies are lies. they undermine trust.
do you think if he went out on say a friday night and didn't take your calls and didn't come in till 2 am and was not forthright about where he had been if you would believe him?
what if he says he "fell ... (read in full...)
We were talking daily, he asked me to be his girlfriend twice, but now I've not heard from him since Wednesday! What is going on?
Q. I am very nervous. I met someone from online in february..we have been texting/talking every day/night..basically always some form of communication. He always reaches out to me in the morning. It is a little long distance-we are few hours apart but ...
A. 23 March 2012: maybe he lost his phone?... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 23 March 2012: but Kyle ya gotta try the shoes ON to see if they fit if you go shoe shopping..
here in my state they have to wear thongs or G-strings.
and yes I've been to the strip clubs...... (read in full...)
My wife's brother's ex wife wants to "date" me if possible
Q. My wifes brother recently got divorced a few months back and I am in the process of a divorce as I speak. The thing now is my wifes brothers now ex-wife is starting to talk to me more and more. We had been friends in the past but never anything ...
A. 23 March 2012: not legally wrong but very very messy...
it could upset the soon to be ex wife
it could upset her brother...
are there kids that are cousins that would be upset?... (read in full...)
Making a book for my friend as my leaving gift, should there be a love letter at the end now I have fallen for her?
Q. In about two months, I'll be leaving the Philippines and going back home to New Jersey. I realize that I will be leaving my best friend here, and I admit that I will miss her a lot. Honestly, when I think about leaving... the thought that pops of ...
A. 23 March 2012: I think you should tell her BEFORE you go.... (read in full...)
He's too good for me so I don't dare ask him out! What should I do?
Q. I'm in love with someone who's too good for me. So I've been having feelings for him for over a year. We're good friends but I always feel a bit inferior when I'm with him. He's just so all-rounded amazing at everything. And because of that I could ...
A. 23 March 2012: NO ONE is too good for you. Get that thought out of your head.
You have a mad crush... aren't they overwhelming???
I promise he is not as perfect as you make him out to be in your head.
IF you are good friends, don't you talk on the ph... (read in full...)
Is it weird to send him sexy pics of me after not having spoken in a long time?
Q. I was dating a great guy but he moved away and he was really disappointed about the distance as it interferes with us continuing things. And we haven't spoken in 2 months. Last time I spoke to him, when he was already moved and settled, he sent me a ...
A. 23 March 2012: "just my body in lingerie, nothing that vulgar."
to a man that you have not had any contact with in 2 months
that's desperate and vulgar... personally I think any "sexy" shots done on a cell phone are vulgar.... (read in full...)
I'm 17 weeks pregnant and it now hurts after sex
Q. Hi can someone help me, recently it really hurts after sex, and no i don't have any infections i got checked out yesterday it gets really painful after he ejaculates i have been sexually active for 5 years and its just started happening recently, i ...
A. 23 March 2012: I am in the USA so I am not sure your brands there but here we would use soemthing like Ivory which is "99.9% pure" or Dove "1/4 cleansing cream"
suggestion is that you get something UNSCENTED and without additives... glycerin soap might wo... (read in full...)
What is the average length of time that a man lasts during sex?
Q. This might sound like a silly question and I know that every one is different, but what is the average length of time that a man lasts during sex?? I've been with this guy for about 5 months now and we just recently started having sex. He lasts ab...
A. 23 March 2012: I'd hate that too... I think 10 minutes is just fine for me... and 5 is good too...
I think you need to talk to him.. maybe he's holding back thinking you want him to last longer...
If we are having a long session it starts getting uncom... (read in full...)
Was I wrong in suggesting that my girlfriend should use botox? She just flipped when I said it
Q. I know this will make me sound like not a nice person (to some), when in reality I like to think I am decent, and am pretty diplomatic. Thing is, my gf of 3 years is aging badly. I love her to distraction, and that love is more about her lovely...
A. 23 March 2012: I know you said if she had said something about your hairline you would not mind but how would you feel if she suggested that you have penis enhancement? Not that she will leave you because she finds your aging penis unattractive but rather it ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend gay because he watches porn?
Q. My boyfriend watches porn, is he gay? I confronted him about it and he denies his not. am I being in denial?...
A. 23 March 2012: my advice is to ASK him... talk to him about it.
... (read in full...)
I'm 17 weeks pregnant and it now hurts after sex
Q. Hi can someone help me, recently it really hurts after sex, and no i don't have any infections i got checked out yesterday it gets really painful after he ejaculates i have been sexually active for 5 years and its just started happening recently, i ...
A. 23 March 2012: burning around the opening? yeah sounds like an irritation...
could be soap, fabric softener, or laundry detergent, new body wash or lotion... new lube?
... (read in full...)
I'm 17 weeks pregnant and it now hurts after sex
Q. Hi can someone help me, recently it really hurts after sex, and no i don't have any infections i got checked out yesterday it gets really painful after he ejaculates i have been sexually active for 5 years and its just started happening recently, i ...
A. 23 March 2012: well if the doctor can't find something wrong ...
what is the pain like?
sharp
dull
ache
throb?
... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you prefer a girl not swallow and spit in a tissue?
Q. okay guys i need to know:the guy i'm seeing said he personally doesn't matter if i spit or swallow when giving him a blowjob. so my question is, if we aren't going to swallow, ( i do occasionally) would u prefer to pull out and cum on the woman's ...
A. 22 March 2012: i've never spit...
when they cum it's so far back in my throat I don't taste it and i have no other way to get rid of it but swallow...
neater.. and full of protein.... (read in full...)
I'm 17 weeks pregnant and it now hurts after sex
Q. Hi can someone help me, recently it really hurts after sex, and no i don't have any infections i got checked out yesterday it gets really painful after he ejaculates i have been sexually active for 5 years and its just started happening recently, i ...
A. 22 March 2012: and did you ask the doctor about this pain?... (read in full...)
I'm 17 weeks pregnant and it now hurts after sex
Q. Hi can someone help me, recently it really hurts after sex, and no i don't have any infections i got checked out yesterday it gets really painful after he ejaculates i have been sexually active for 5 years and its just started happening recently, i ...
A. 22 March 2012: you must call the doctor and discuss it with the doctor... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend gay because he watches porn?
Q. My boyfriend watches porn, is he gay? I confronted him about it and he denies his not. am I being in denial?...
A. 22 March 2012: Is he watching gay porn? Oh well maybe he likes gay porn. My man watches shemale porn it does not mean he wants a shemale… just because a man watches gay porn does not make him gay… nor does watching any type of porn make him gay… it means he ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 20 March 2012: ya know I don't know of many men that get much more than horny from a lap dance... unless they are 16 yr old virgins...
a bit of grinding on the lap of an adult male who has to sit on his hands (you aren't allowed to touch them when they dance) ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 20 March 2012: Well I’m not a guy but I’m giving you my opinion anyway… I don’t think it has anything to do with sex or having a loving girlfriend and it’s not a deal breaker for me.
It’s not normal or abnormal it’s just what some men like to do. I’ve bee... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend easy?
Q. my girlfriend told me what she did before we met telling me how she let a guy fuc` her in the as` on the first night .she tell me this when we are fighting as she know it hurts me. she just told me she had 4one nightstands a guy told me she was easy ...
A. 14 February 2012: worried about 2 particular guys or worried about 2 guys at once...
either way it's her past... why is this such a huge problem for you is she not supposed to have a past?... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend easy?
Q. my girlfriend told me what she did before we met telling me how she let a guy fuc` her in the as` on the first night .she tell me this when we are fighting as she know it hurts me. she just told me she had 4one nightstands a guy told me she was easy ...
A. 10 February 2012: the question is not IS she.... because that's a judgment.
she was honest with you and told you the truth
the question is what do YOU wish to do about it.
if you can't cope then you end it. and it sounds to me like you think less of her be... (read in full...)
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