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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I like to cook for him but he feels I'm being too motherly! Am I being too pushy?
Q. I like to eat healthy and my bf...not so much. usually he'll buy a huge package of what he thinks is the least-tasty/most healthy lettuce he can find, glares at it for 3 weeks until it liquifies. Meanwhile, when i visit, i make hearts with my eyes ...
A. 29 March 2012: Oh we have dinner together every night. for example last night he wanted perogies... I made them (not from scratch) and doctored them up a bit for him... I had a few but I prefer to eat more healthy stuff.
I would also prefer to eat at the dinn... (read in full...)
Stared At by A School Employee... Need Advice!
Q. So there's guy at my school (he works at the school) and I'm a female student in high school. For some reason during lunch he stares at me. When he is outside supervising kids, he stares at me. Outside in the pick-up and bus areas he stares at me. ...
A. 28 March 2012: You must go to a trusted adult and TELL THEM about this man.... if your radar picks up something that makes you uncomfortable you have to learn to trust that...
Is there a counselor at school you can talk to about it?
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend shouts he loves me during sex, what does this mean? And what is the difference between making love and sex?
Q. Hi All, I would like some opinions please!! the last two times me and my BF have had sex, it seems different somehow. He kept telling me he loved me when we were doing it. When a guy says this during sex, does it mean he loves you , or loves th...
A. 28 March 2012: Honey why is the sex part so important… my man loves me but he can’t manage to make love…. It’s always sex with him….. I think that you having to “back off” and change who you are intrinsically to get him to be what you want has you flummoxed… and ... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend ask if we wanted to break up if he hadn't been thinking about it?
Q. my boyfriend of a year and I have been arguing recently about money etc. the other night after he had been drinking and we had argued he asked me what i thought about us two braking up as we argue alot and it would save the hearbreak in the long ...
A. 28 March 2012: A few weeks ago I told my fiancé during a fight, when he asked what I wanted, "I wanted you gone an hour ago"
we were fighting and I was mad. I didn't mean it.
... (read in full...)
How can I show more love to my boyfriend?
Q. i find it hard to express my love to my boyfriend and push him away when he tries to show me any. i then end up feeling very guilty, how can i get myself to show more love to him?...
A. 28 March 2012: I need way more information.... (read in full...)
Could the erection problems be because I'm actually gay?
Q. I am 22 years of age, relatively fit and healthy. From an early age I was interested in girls and have had several serious girlfriends with a really healthy sex life. I broke up with my last girlfriend three years ago and it took me a while to get ...
A. 28 March 2012: you KNOW when you are gay...
you would feel about men the way you feel about women...
I think you need to see a doctor and get a full workup and figure out if it's medical
do you drink and smoke? both of those seriously contribute to... (read in full...)
Wife's friend is dating her ex, and I overheard them talking about his penis. I'm not happy!
Q. Should I be pissed off or not. My wife's friend is really hitting on a guy who used to date my wife. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. Will take her out to nice places, and buy her stuff. Then she said ...
A. 28 March 2012: What everyone else has said.
1. you are over reacting.
2. you have no say in her things from before the marriage
3. you might benefit from some counseling to figure out why you are so jealous of someone who is in her past and clearly n... (read in full...)
He said if anyone asks I should tell them we are just friends.....does he really like me?
Q. He was my sister's friend so thats how we met. We really liked each other and he asked me out. We've been doing great so far! When we are just hanging out we talk and laugh like best friends, and make out and hug. When i met some a couple of his ...
A. 28 March 2012: do your mom and dad know you have a 17 year old boyfriend?... (read in full...)
I cheated because fiance ignored me now he's being all sweet
Q. HI so my problem orginally started out simple, my fiance of a handful of years didnt pay any attention to me, lacked any interest in me, didnt want to do anything with me and wanted to drink everyday he had off. I pretty much feel like it was my ...
A. 28 March 2012: He was not what you needed.... you should have left him then found a new partner.
Since you have cheated on him, he will never trust you... you will become a prisoner to his mistrust.
I think you need to let both of them go figure out what y... (read in full...)
Is something going on between my B/f and his second cousin? What did those text messages mean?
Q. I’d like some input. I, begrudgingly, checked my boyfriend’s phone back in October because I had the strange feeling I couldn’t trust him. I found some text messages he had sent to his second cousin, but they were so obscure that I couldn’t tell for ...
A. 28 March 2012: trust your gut.. you can't trust him...
... (read in full...)
What are the biggest problems that most people have to deal with in a lifetime?
Q. What are the biggest problems what most people have to deal with in a lifetime? In my family we have so much problems , that it is hard for me to see, if everybody got problems like that ,or it is out of the ordinary to have them,like that . ...
A. 28 March 2012: The biggest problems folks deal with are the ones they let get them down… yes when you first get your bad news (death, chronic illness, etc) you get your initial pity party, but then you have to pull up your “big girl panties” and deal with them.
... (read in full...)
Do I tell my brother in law that his wife wasn't a virgin when they married?
Q. I just found out something and I'm not sure if I should keep to myself. My wife is the youngest of 3 daughters. Her next oldest sister just filed for divorce and is already dating and sleeping with men even though her divorce isn't final. My ...
A. 28 March 2012: NONE of your business... keep out of it.
besides for all you know he already knows and they just don't talk about it because it is NONE of anyone's business.... (read in full...)
I want to get married and live together and now we're going to be in a 2 year LDR??
Q. I can't wait to get married and live together with my fiancee! He's 29 and I'm 23, and we've been together for 2 years, engaged for 1. We decided on a long engagement because we're both still in school, and he feels he should have his degree first ...
A. 28 March 2012: 5 hours apart is hard but if you know it's only for two years it's not so bad.
and it's school so you will have breaks when you can be together....
make plans to meet often and contact each other often (texts or phone calls and nightly date... (read in full...)
What does this older man mean "I'm his favourite girl"?
Q. This man who is much older than me said that he would go after me if he was younger, and he said he has lots of girlfriends ( not sure if that was a joke or not ) but he said i am his favourite girl and always will be. We aren't dating. What does he ...
A. 28 March 2012: It means he finds you attractive but he's wise enough to know that you are probably too young to want to date him.
He's flirting... IF you find him attractive and you think you would like to get to know him better... let him know.... (read in full...)
He is twice my age and last night he told me he loves me. Help
Q. So it's been about a month since I've been on here. My previous dilemma was whether I should start seeing/dating a man who is twice my age, going through a divorce, and who is a regular customer at a restaurant I worked at.. I did accept his ...
A. 28 March 2012: Yeah you've posted a few times about this.... and ouch he's out of control here.
You are his cushion to help him leave his marriage...
You tell him the truth
"fred I am overly flattered that you feel so strongly about me so early in our... (read in full...)
I'm his FWB is there a chance he'll leave his girlfriend for me?
Q. okay, i don't need to be judged, but 3 months ago i sent a fb request to this guy i had seen round, (drummer in a band.) well he accepted (despite the fact he only had 100 friends on his fb account, so he obviously doesn't just add randoms. anyway i ...
A. 27 March 2012: I doubt he would end up with you...
1. he will think you could sleep with anyone
and two
2. he knows you would accept a liar and a cheater (he is both to his gf)
and like maverick asked... why would you want a man who cheats on his g... (read in full...)
I am in a LDR- how do I stop feeling jealous?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and we have been in a long distance relationship for exactly a month now. The first two weeks going really good, he would even stay friday nights in his home to Skype with me! I thought ''wow, this ...
A. 27 March 2012: To be honest if you guys are so young and in different countries I do not hold out much hope for this LDR surviving...
I am 52 and we were 2 hours apart and for the one year we were LDR we nearly died especially towards the end...
You really ha... (read in full...)
Not quite sure how to present ourselves/our relationship to the world?
Q. my husband and i have been together for 9 years( married for 5).We are now having somewhat of an open relationship for the last year and so far everything is good. We have made out with other people a lot of times even in front of each other, went ...
A. 27 March 2012: YOU MUST BE HONEST FROM THE BEGINNING.
your ads to find folks need to say NSA/FWB or whatever.
I am not judging you at all... my last marriage was like this and had my husband had decent self-esteem we might still be married. I have... (read in full...)
My LDR met an old friend and now it's bothering me
Q. I am in a long distance relationship ,about 3 hours away . Last week my boyfriend told me he met an old female friend at the gym ,he told her she looked well and she looked nice . She knew he had a girlfriend and asked him for his mobile number ,my ...
A. 27 March 2012: HE told you….
SHE KNEW he has a girlfriend
He gave her the email address (how can you not know your own mobile number????) and the deleted the email….
Why is this bothering you?
How long have you been a couple?
What are your plans for c... (read in full...)
He said if anyone asks I should tell them we are just friends.....does he really like me?
Q. He was my sister's friend so thats how we met. We really liked each other and he asked me out. We've been doing great so far! When we are just hanging out we talk and laugh like best friends, and make out and hug. When i met some a couple of his ...
A. 27 March 2012: “we make out and hug”… so you are physical when you are together…
He’s 3 years older than you…. Does he take you out or only spends time with you when you can be physical?
If he tells you to LIE to folks and only tell them you are friends ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my depressed brother. What should I do?
Q. My brother is 19 and dropped out of his coarse. He has been looking for work, but in this economy it isn't easy. He isn't sure what he wants to do. Also his best friend committed suicide recently. It was a shock to everyone, including him. My broth...
A. 27 March 2012: your brother needs a doctor. he needs medication and therapy.... is there a trusted family member that can speak to your parents if he needs their medical to get help?
why can't you and your brother make the appointments and get him the help why... (read in full...)
Is it really over?
Q. Hi everyone. I really need help with this as I don't know what to think or do myself :( My boyfriend and I split up last night after two and a half years together. I am so upset because it is like he has suddenly become a different person...
A. 27 March 2012: Did you change your facebook status because you were upset with him without talking to him first?
Is this a real life relationship or just online?
... (read in full...)
I like to cook for him but he feels I'm being too motherly! Am I being too pushy?
Q. I like to eat healthy and my bf...not so much. usually he'll buy a huge package of what he thinks is the least-tasty/most healthy lettuce he can find, glares at it for 3 weeks until it liquifies. Meanwhile, when i visit, i make hearts with my eyes ...
A. 27 March 2012: Cook what he likes when you cook for him.
I love fruits and veggies. My fiancé thinks they are the devil’s spawn. He likes meat and potatoes… He likes pasta… I have learned to cook what he likes and make a side salad for myself… I don’t co... (read in full...)
I miss my ex terribly, should I try and get in touch?
Q. My ex and i have been broken up for two months. We were together about a year he is the one that broke it off just saying things weren't going to work and he didn't want to try anymore. I miss him terribly should i try to make contact? Even though ...
A. 27 March 2012: I am sorry you are hurting. DO NOT contact him. He probably needs to be NO CONTACT for himself for many reasons. YOU should use it as a way to mourn your loss and move on…. Normally I give someone 6 weeks to mourn the loss of a romance… you my ... (read in full...)
How can I make my parents and grandpa see that I need to have my phone?
Q. My parents just took my cell phone. Its spring break! I cant talk to any of my firends. Im going to my grandpas house tomorrow. He says I dont spend enough time with him when im there. None of my friends live near by, he dosnt have internet, and no ...
A. 27 March 2012: Land line is a good thing!
You will survive.
When I was your age my grandfather taught me to play chess back then we didn’t have the internet or cell phones or GASP…large shopping malls… get your grandpa to teach you some games… card game... (read in full...)
Boyfriend shouts he loves me during sex, what does this mean? And what is the difference between making love and sex?
Q. Hi All, I would like some opinions please!! the last two times me and my BF have had sex, it seems different somehow. He kept telling me he loved me when we were doing it. When a guy says this during sex, does it mean he loves you , or loves th...
A. 27 March 2012: Sounds very much like a turning point has been reached in your relationship… ENJOY it. Go with the flow and stop worrying about how he feels… he may be one of those men (like mine) who does not voice how he feels about you but you can sense it…. ... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable to ask your girlfriend to dress a certain way for sex?
Q. Hi everyone, I've been going out with my new girlfriend for a few months now and we've had sex a few times. While it's been great, I find it incredibly arousing when a woman 'dresses for sex' (i.e. lingerie, especially thigh-high stockings). She'...
A. 27 March 2012: I think that it would be fine to ask her if she would do it for you especially if you let her know in advance that you think she is beautiful without it and it’s not mandatory but you would like it. Offer to either take her shopping (we love going ... (read in full...)
I need fashion help badly!
Q. I have never been real fashion trendy. I guess you can say i am more of a tom boy. I have wanted to be more style trendy since mom family is but i guess it skipped me. I am married and money has been tight so i don"t buy clothes for me unless i...
A. 27 March 2012: Chigirl is 100% correct.
I could never be a model, plus sized or otherwise... just not that pretty or photogenic.
and yes to heels if you can pull it off... I wish I could.... (read in full...)
Is there anything that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis?
Q. If you are a woman who can have vaginal orgasms during penetrative sex (not g-spot orgasms), can you please tell me whether there is anything at all about a man that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis during penetrative sex? E.g. for an av...
A. 27 March 2012: Some are bigger than others EWO!... (read in full...)
Dumped for a rich guy: was girl being shallow or practical?
Q. Yeah so a couple weeks ago this girl I was seeing for a few months. Really pretty girl, my friends even said he was hot. I'm an average guy, maybe a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10. I make a decent living but def not rich. Anyway, to make a long story short ...
A. 27 March 2012: Money can’t buy happiness but it sure can make misery more fun. I have to tell you it’s much easier to have a life with money and ease than not.
And to be honest you cannot live on love… truly. It’s a nice thought but with gas at 4 dollars ... (read in full...)
Friends with benefits for 8 years, then I find out he is married! How do I get over this?
Q. hi everyone, could do with some advice please, how do you get over a man who you see for 8 years as friends with benefits? im totaly heartbroken and there isnt a day goes by i dont think of him. he got married 2 years ago and never told me and yet ...
A. 27 March 2012: What’s over and done is the past. He is the past. It’s over and done. He was and is a liar and a cheat. He lies to his wife. He cheats on his wife. He’s a lovely piece of work isn’t he?
Tell me why a piece of scum like this has left you... (read in full...)
He is looking for his ex and pictures of other girls online....
Q. I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together since may 2010. We have had a very happy relationship, no one has ever come between us, we have never argued or had a "break". We have been totally content and in love since day 1. But ...
A. 27 March 2012: Changing your email password does NOTHING to prevent spam… what a bogus excuse. He changed his password and does not give it to you because he has stuff he does not want you to see.
The fact that you don’t trust him and snoop on him is not a good... (read in full...)
Boyfriend shouts he loves me during sex, what does this mean? And what is the difference between making love and sex?
Q. Hi All, I would like some opinions please!! the last two times me and my BF have had sex, it seems different somehow. He kept telling me he loved me when we were doing it. When a guy says this during sex, does it mean he loves you , or loves th...
A. 27 March 2012: I totally disagree with Ironman. I have to be honest… I dated a man that used to be very precise about it and would shout “I love it” when we were having sex.. he was very careful about what he said… what if you are with a man who is not so ... (read in full...)
I think he behaved so badly as a defence mechanism...is he worth it anymore? Should I try to keep working on this?
Q. Am I trying too hard? Okay, I have major trust issues--so much to the point I never liked anyone who showed me too much affection, I saw it as clingy. Even though I'm very emotionally needy. Heard of abandoholism? Anyways, I finally decided to let ...
A. 27 March 2012: I have a degree in psychology. Your theory is bogus. That part of you that says you choose the wrong person is correct. He STOLE $200 dollars from you? What are you doing to get your money back?
What changes have YOU made to protect ... (read in full...)
I need fashion help badly!
Q. I have never been real fashion trendy. I guess you can say i am more of a tom boy. I have wanted to be more style trendy since mom family is but i guess it skipped me. I am married and money has been tight so i don"t buy clothes for me unless i...
A. 27 March 2012: Have you looked at any of the fashion magazines geared to woman of size such as MORE?
I also find REAL SIMPLE magazine addresses plus sizes.
I used to be plus size (size 26 petite if you can imagine)
and there are lots of stylish sexy things ... (read in full...)
He got nasty when I got ill and couldnt have sex!
Q. Hi,I had terrible problems with my stomach including constant pain for a whole year and spent that time in and out of the medical centre. Then my condition worsened. For a while it looked like I was going to have an operation and I was absolutely ...
A. 27 March 2012: He’s a child and an idiot and he does not care about you only himself.
I am not sure what you mean by saying HE made a mistake… if this was an ongoing morning routine from him (as opposed to a ONE time deal) HE is the mistake…..
I just ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if a girl could be potentially checking me out?
Q. Hey aunts. I need some SERIOUS help. I'm having trouble telling if a girl likes me or not. I've only had two girlfriends in my 24 years of living. I think the reason for that is because I never step out of my comfort zone. When I see a girl I like, ...
A. 27 March 2012: sometimes they are too shy to 'check you out'
How about you stop seeing girls as potential dates and see them just as people... takes them off the "wow GIRLS they sit to pee aren't they magical creatures" pedestal.
Life is NOT about success...... (read in full...)
Awkward situation at work, what should I do?
Q. Hey aunts and uncles, I'm looking for some advice about an awkward situation at work. There's a new guy, X who recently (approx 3 months) started working at the same place as me. He's 22 and acts very loud and confident but seems to be insecure and ...
A. 27 March 2012: I agree you need to tell X that you are uncomfortable with his behavior and that if he persists in doing these things (and list out the SPECIFIC things you do not wish him to do) that you will be FORCED (by his behavior) to go to management and ... (read in full...)
What constitutes a one night stand?
Q. If a guy goes back to a girls house but they don't sleep together. But do some sort of foreplay, say like he fingers/feels her up and then he leaves in the morning both knowing they won't be seeing each other again, to be a one night stand? Beca...
A. 27 March 2012: I agree I think you have to have actual intercourse... (read in full...)
I trust my boyfriend with my heart, but I can't trust his "friend" whatsoever. Should I be worried that something will happen between them?
Q. Here's my situation: I've been officially dating this guy for a little less than a month, though we've been together for about a month and a half... When we first met we instantly clicked! I couldn't take my eyes off of him, and from what everyone...
A. 26 March 2012: You don’t really know him yet do you?
He’s going to the beach for the weekend with a girl who he is friends with? He’s with you on a Saturday night taking texts from another girl?
He doesn’t feel he can trust her but he’s going to the bea... (read in full...)
Men..what do you want? Women..what turns your guy on?
Q. okay guys. i need to know what really turns u on. i want to get my bf really hard n to want me. okay we are pretty adventuris in the bedroom. we have done everything i can think of including anal and threesome. we've done lap dance, strip tease; now ...
A. 26 March 2012: alcohol pot and porn get him all riled up...... (read in full...)
I think we're 3 or 4th cousins, should we just date?
Q. Okay, I've met a female that I find to be heaven sent and she has made it evident that she feels the same way about me. The problem is that we both have recently discovered that we have some kin in common. Apparently her Grandfather is my ...
A. 26 March 2012: barely related in my book
if you both feel the same GO FOR IT.... (read in full...)
Is there anything that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis?
Q. If you are a woman who can have vaginal orgasms during penetrative sex (not g-spot orgasms), can you please tell me whether there is anything at all about a man that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis during penetrative sex? E.g. for an av...
A. 26 March 2012: Dear Dear DEAR OP,
(pats the young padawan on his darling head)….
I am going to tell you that for me the optimum penis is attached to the man I love regardless of the size.
My first husband was too big (he was around 8 inches and thic... (read in full...)
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