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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Should I tell my gf that my ex is pregnant when I'm not sure its mine?
Q. Should i tell my gf that my ex is pregnant when i'm not sure its mine? I have a grIfriend right now, she became my girlfriend in february, when my ex found out that i have a girlfriend, a few days after, she told me that she was 1 month pregnant and ...
A. 30 August 2012: if the mother was one month pregnant in February that baby was not due for a couple of months and there is NO WAY it would be home after a week....
I would be proactive and get a lawyer and demand a DNA test IMMEDIATELY.... if they give you... (read in full...)
Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection when they have a girlfriend?
Q. Can somebody help me? Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection even when they say their girlfriend is enough and is beautiful? Everybody says something like everyone has fantasies what does that mean? They are looking at the ...
A. 30 March 2012: Maybe I’ve never had a man refuse to give up his porn because I’ve never felt the need to ask. Maybe I never felt the need to ask because I knew my dad kept Penthouse in his night table and found the gift of “the Joy of Sex” that my mom gave him ... (read in full...)
After 8 months together boyfriend has never made me cum
Q. I feel really bad writing this but I need some advice :( me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months and he has never made me come once :/ i know that sounds horrible and selfish but he doesnt even try. He asks for sex and if i want it too...
A. 30 March 2012: I left a husband after we had two babies together... of course you can leave...... (read in full...)
What are the chances of my ex falling in love with me again and us getting back together?
Q. I'm still in love with my exboyfriend. He sayes he loves me and cares for me, but not in love with me any more. We still talk from time to time and have an occasional drink every now and then. What are the chances of him falling in love with me ...
A. 30 March 2012: There is a difference in loving and being in love... if that's how you phrase it... I understand what you are saying that there is no difference but I also understand what he's saying...
I can tell you that CaringGuy is right you are wasting ... (read in full...)
I want a romantic boyfriend who plans surprises!
Q. Last Night I saw my boyfriends roommate leave with his girlfriend and I could not figure out where they went it's none of my business of course, but they just vanished and when I woke up this morning I saw a bag and a few blankets and a bottle of ...
A. 30 March 2012: What CaringGuy said.
Boyfriends are not made to order... they are people... and what you want is clearly not your current boyfriend's style...... (read in full...)
How would you describe this text?
Q. How would you describe this text message sent by a male friend to me after I had asked about a drink and he said to me you will have to be quick. 'You know i love nothing better than a woman who comes quickly'. Is this classed as a jokey, in...
A. 30 March 2012: you sure are over thinking this...
it's all of the above....
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend thinks of me as a breeding factory, if I can't have kids, he'd leave me!
Q. I've been in a relationship for about 2.5 years with someone who is wonderful, caring, supportive, etc. We have been through a lot, and I sincerely saw him as the one. He already considered us married but it doesn't work that way for me. ...
A. 30 March 2012: I would leave.
and pray for the irony that he is sterile.... (read in full...)
I just don't know what to think anymore!
Q. Ok I had a child 3 years ago. Things didn't work out with his mother but shortly after we split up I fell madly in love with her cousin. Which is also my sons cousin. We have spent the last two years together and everything has been amazing. But we ...
A. 30 March 2012: my ex husband's family has a whole bunch of "brother-cousins.... the mom dated two cousins.. had children with both... they are brothers and cousins...
The excuse that it will bother your son is bogus... kids are malleable and accept what ... (read in full...)
Could circumcision be to blame for me not being able to get an erection?
Q. i have undergone circumcision last year. But now i feel that my sensation in the operated region is reduced and also the sexual drive. i am not able to erect properly during intercourse. Is the surgery being done wrong or something else? ...
A. 30 March 2012: Having a circumcision at your age is difficult.
it should not affect your sex drive in any way
if you have pain that may be a problem.
I agree with Person12345 you need to see a medical professional to discuss this.... (read in full...)
Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection when they have a girlfriend?
Q. Can somebody help me? Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection even when they say their girlfriend is enough and is beautiful? Everybody says something like everyone has fantasies what does that mean? They are looking at the ...
A. 30 March 2012: Why are women so insistent that men get rid of their collection of porn when they partner up?
... (read in full...)
How should I propose?
Q. So I'm sure i found the love of my life. We've been friends since May of last year, and been dating since December. I know it's only been a short time but I know he's the one. I'm not one who ever wanted to get married but for some reason I want to ...
A. 30 March 2012: OH dear sweet young thing… I just proposed to my partner on February 29th which is the traditional day for women to propose to men. I suggest you wait till the next February 29th to propose… for several reasons.
1. You are at most 21. I was 21 w... (read in full...)
Would you spent a lot on a birthday gift for your partner if you received nothing for yours?
Q. Im curious to find out others opinions on this. Would you spent a considerable amount of money (over $400) on a birthday present for your boyfriend, if he did not get you anything for your birthday? (birthdays are few months apart). I know it isn't...
A. 30 March 2012: NOT if money is tight...
... (read in full...)
Can you be in labor if your water doesn't break?
Q. MOD NOTE: We are not doctors, please go to the hospital, yes you can be in labor! can you be in labor even if your water doesnt break?? having serious contractions and not sure whether or not to go to the hospital....
A. 30 March 2012: well if you are not sure of a medical condition it would be best to call the doctor
but yes you can be in labor if your water has not broken.... (read in full...)
My husband can't keep hard. Is he cheating?
Q. my husband for the past 2 days hasnt been able to get his penis up, but sitting on the couch yesterday looking at me, rubbing up behind while cooking , and in tje shower he did get it up.... but when time to preform his penis wouldnt do ANYTHING, so ...
A. 30 March 2012: you are supposed to think your husband is getting a bit older and that he loves you but sometimes his body just can't comply with your demands.
I second the vote to get a medical workup
you need to chill out however and not make a big deal ... (read in full...)
Should I go on holiday without him?
Q. hi i have a bit of a problem. i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we are both 26 the thing is we planned to go abroad this summer for a week. But i would also like to go abroad with my girlfriend later on this year for 1 week. He thinks...
A. 30 March 2012: I love girls weekends without my partner…. There is nothing wrong with it. I have encouraged him to go to gaming vacations without me… just because you are partnered does not mean you have to be joined at the hip…. A couple of years ago my BFF ... (read in full...)
I agreed to an open relationship, he said we'd talk about it once I was back off holiday but still no word....should I mention it?
Q. Ok, so I've been seeing this guy for the last six weeks. 4 and half weeks ago, he said he could only be in a relationship with me, if he had the chance to have sex with other women otherwise he wouldn't be happy in the relationship. so I said I ...
A. 30 March 2012: I don’t recommend it. I came from an open marriage and it destroyed us. 4 weeks in and you’re not enough?
My current partner and I are engaged. WE met when I was “happily” married and had permission to have this NSA/FWB thing with him… when... (read in full...)
What are the boundaries of cheating?
Q. Ok so I feel like I should know this already but I don't. What are the true boundaries of cheating on ur bf/gf ??? Cause one of my friends thinks it's when u have sex with someone else, another thinks it's when u make out with someone else, so ...
A. 30 March 2012: Anything you CAN'T WON'T or DON'T tell your partner is cheating.
... (read in full...)
Being with me isn't what's right for him, but encouraging him to move on hurts
Q. I lost my husband just over 2 years ago. A young man befriended us during his illness, and took care of me after his death. He came round every evening.He listened to me, made me laugh. He started flirting with me a bit - then more. I couldn't ...
A. 30 March 2012: C.Grant is correct... you need some more grief support.
I am so sorry for your double loss, first your husband, then your companion (you lost him emotionally for selfless reasons)... you truly love him to let him go.... (read in full...)
Is wearing a sheer or see thru bathing suit OK?
Q. My boyfriend (of many years) asked me to remove the lining from a couple of my bikini's, so that when we go to the beach they will be see through. I did this to one of my darker suits, the results being not too dramatic. More noticible on top, but ...
A. 29 March 2012: ON a public non-nude beach with families... tacky and rude...... (read in full...)
Do I tell my best friend I'm pregnant by him?
Q. i ressonly lost my vaginaty to my best and oldest male freind (we have always been close and tell each other everything) i just found out that im pregnant do i tell him. we was waching dvds at mine drinking a bottle of wine with a takeaway we noram...
A. 29 March 2012: of course you tell him... it's his baby too... (read in full...)
Unexpected possible pregnancy, boyfriend doesn't want the child, I don't want to lose either!
Q. hi im a 22 year old lady with a 21 year old boyfriend, we had sex and the condom broke so we think i might be pregnant, this will be my first child and im looking foward to having it but he is telling me that he is not ready! What do i do because I ...
A. 29 March 2012: EVERYTHING Cindy said.
just because a condom breaks does not mean you got pregnant... have you taken a pregnancy test yet?... (read in full...)
I like to cook for him but he feels I'm being too motherly! Am I being too pushy?
Q. I like to eat healthy and my bf...not so much. usually he'll buy a huge package of what he thinks is the least-tasty/most healthy lettuce he can find, glares at it for 3 weeks until it liquifies. Meanwhile, when i visit, i make hearts with my eyes ...
A. 29 March 2012: Oh we have dinner together every night. for example last night he wanted perogies... I made them (not from scratch) and doctored them up a bit for him... I had a few but I prefer to eat more healthy stuff.
I would also prefer to eat at the dinn... (read in full...)
After 8 months together boyfriend has never made me cum
Q. I feel really bad writing this but I need some advice :( me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months and he has never made me come once :/ i know that sounds horrible and selfish but he doesnt even try. He asks for sex and if i want it too...
A. 28 March 2012: ah you my dear are his "handy penis holder"
I feel your pain.. .my partner is not a great one in bed BUT he makes up for it on many levels. he will gladly touch me "down there"... he loves to hug me kiss me, grab me... fondle me... he TRIES so... (read in full...)
Should I tell my gf that my ex is pregnant when I'm not sure its mine?
Q. Should i tell my gf that my ex is pregnant when i'm not sure its mine? I have a grIfriend right now, she became my girlfriend in february, when my ex found out that i have a girlfriend, a few days after, she told me that she was 1 month pregnant and ...
A. 28 March 2012: I would not give her money till she can prove through DNA testing that the baby is yours. Put any money she is asking for away in a separate bank account so that should the child prove to be yours you will have the funds to give her. And let the ... (read in full...)
Online g/f said she'd be back and that was 3 weeks ago. Do I let go now?
Q. So ive been in this long distance online relationship, everything seemed like all was going good. We would sit on skype talk to each other all day, sometimes fall asleep talking to each other and just leave skype on all night. Then after about three ...
A. 28 March 2012: why not call her?
if you say you don't have her cell number or house number
why not email her?
if you don't have any contact other than skype... well then she ever was a real girlfriend...
... (read in full...)
How attracted are you to your significant other?
Q. How attracted are you to your partner? The reason I ask this is because I can never find the right person for me. I've found girls I am attracted to but they seem to be disgusted by me. I've found girls that are attracted to me but they don't turn ...
A. 28 March 2012: NOPE never settle...
you will meet someone who may be somewhat attractive to you in some ways but not others...
when I met my NOW fiance he was cute... personality wise... not so hot physically but his BRAIN was one hot deal.... as we s... (read in full...)
Was she flirting or just wanted to feel my muscles?
Q. Hi. I just turned 20, last week. Just call me Victor. I have to say, however, there's this very friendly female friend of mine. However, she is a little too friendly. Just call her Candace. I think she may be around in her early 50's. Ahem. Anyw...
A. 28 March 2012: Sounds to me like
a. YOU WANT her to WANT you.
b. You know each other more now that you are single (how long has it been) and it’s just a comfort thing.
Personally if you are interested you need to approach her but it may be that you are read... (read in full...)
Should I find my wife a younger man to have sex with?
Q. i have trouble having sex for sometime and now my wife is not interested in sex she says its the mediciene she is taking should i find her a younger man to have sex with to satisfy her needs she has been patient but im afraid she will want sex ...
A. 28 March 2012: your wife says she's not interested due to her medications, why would you want to find her someone else?
Have you been to the doctor for a medical work up
often men with erection problems can take medications or make lifestyle changes to help.... (read in full...)
Was she flirting or just wanted to feel my muscles?
Q. Hi. I just turned 20, last week. Just call me Victor. I have to say, however, there's this very friendly female friend of mine. However, she is a little too friendly. Just call her Candace. I think she may be around in her early 50's. Ahem. Anyw...
A. 28 March 2012: She may be flirting and it' may like my flirting mean NOTHING...
I'm ahem in my early 50s (with a 38 yr old fiance so I get the whole ugly "cougar" thing... yuck... and there are some lovely young men I work with (late 20s early 30s) who I fl... (read in full...)
I need insight as to my feelings about my ex!
Q. Hey, I'm 21 and will be turning 22 this year, so I know I'm young yet. However, I never dated until I met my high school sweetheart. WE did everything together and had all the same friends, all the same morals, and beliefs. Our only problem was ...
A. 28 March 2012: She is no longer your problem... she is your ex
you smile say "hi how are you" and keep moving...
in other words you treat her civilly nothing more....
... (read in full...)
I'm angry at my girlfriend all the time now!
Q. Hey ima young male around 18-24. Me and my girlfriend have been together for four years. We have a child together to but now it seems like our relationship is slowly fading. We barely have contact with each other and I seem angry at her all the time ...
A. 28 March 2012: “and no we don’t love together”
Freudian slip if ever there was one….
... (read in full...)
Is this guy up to something or is he just a loser.
Q. Does anyone think that this guy is up to something. ive being going with this guy who is 27 for the last 15 month. Never being introduced to his family, never goes to his house unless there no one there and he adds girls all the time on facebook and ...
A. 28 March 2012: Let’s look at this:
He’s 27 (I had two children at this age so he should me mature enough to behave like an adult)
You are dating 15 months (by the time I am dating this long I knew if I wanted to spend my life with someone)
He has never ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he loves me but I don't believe him
Q. hello again =), so i'm with my boyfriend almost a month,he said he loves me but i don't believe him its sounds so crazy , recently, i feel like he's using me, he doesn't know anything about me,when we met we don't talk about me or him , he just ...
A. 28 March 2012: a month is not a long time to fall in love you are correct... you can feel like love....
you feel like he's using you because when he sees you all he wants is to be physical with you....
tell him you don't want to kiss all the time that you wa... (read in full...)
Can happiness cover up the truth?
Q. When your hubby is having an affair can you make it go away by letting everyone know that your happy and everything is perfect?...
A. 28 March 2012: You cannot make his affair go away.
IF you are happy and everything is perfect then by all means let folks know.
Do not fake it in hopes of making it better..
Happiness comes from being happy… the truth is that you are not happy and you ca... (read in full...)
How do I keep my friends and stop them wanting a relationship with me?
Q. I am starting to go crazy here. I am in a healthy relationship. Most of my friends are guys, which I have known for years. Lately, I have had three of those guy friends tell me they want a relationship with me. I just politely say, I am happy with ...
A. 28 March 2012: when my ex husband and I got engaged he told all his lady friends that he thought were just friends that he was getting married and fully HALF of them got angry and stopped being friends with him. He was confused as he thought they were friends.. ... (read in full...)
I'm angry at my girlfriend all the time now!
Q. Hey ima young male around 18-24. Me and my girlfriend have been together for four years. We have a child together to but now it seems like our relationship is slowly fading. We barely have contact with each other and I seem angry at her all the time ...
A. 28 March 2012: There is a big difference between 18 and 21.
there is a HUGE difference between 18 and 24
if you are 18 you have been with her since you were 14
even at 20-24 there are big changes.
you probably have outgrown each other.
you say ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend problems - Is it really over?
Q. Hi everyone. I would appreciate some advice about my situation with my boyfriend. We've been together for four and a half years and always been long distance only seeing each other on weekends. I always go to see him because I still live at home ...
A. 28 March 2012: yes dear, it's really over.. don't drag it out and beat a dead horse...
he couldn't tell you because HE didn't want to be the bad guy but he figures if he treats you badly you will leave him.... (read in full...)
We dated 10 days broke up and I can't get him out of my head
Q. Hi, i have just got out of a relationship and i cant get this boy out my head, i loved him so much, anyway yeah he was like 'i love you so much princess, im never leaving you, ever ect...' was that all just a lie? anyway after 10days of going out he ...
A. 28 March 2012: It was not a LIE... it was an EXAGGERATION....
ten days of dating is NOT enough time to love someone...
so what he said was not the truth...
you are to do this:
every day for the next six weeks when you are not busy with school ... (read in full...)
My ex said he'd fall in love with me again but then cut all contact
Q. Why would he do that? I'm so hurt:(? I got back with my ex after a year split. He said he didn't want a relationship. A year later I was still sad and missed him everyday. Here got in contact again and got back together. He told me things...
A. 28 March 2012: he's never going to be what you need or want him to be sweetie...
I'd go no contact and heal as best you can.
take 6 weeks to mourn your loss... eat ice cream and cry and find a girlfriend you can obsess with about him.... write him lo... (read in full...)
How can he love me so much and have such little contact with me?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months now, and in the beginning we decided to take it very slow. We had both been single for awhile and our previous relationships had been pretty bad, so we decided that slowly easing into this relationship ...
A. 28 March 2012: I would discuss it with him… but like Sage Old Guy said.. if you are having sex with him and all you do when you get together is have sex then, there’s not much there.
I was LDR with my fiancé for a year and he was NOT one for daily contact…... (read in full...)
We dated online 4 years ago and now he's back. Should I give him a chance?
Q. hey all,so I got abit of a problem here. I used to date a guy online like 4 years ago. we met once,had a great time but that was that. I really used to like him then and he told me he liked me too. But then we lost contact. We lived in two different ...
A. 28 March 2012: he's an online friend nothing more... feel free to be friends with him... but do not pin your hopes and dreams on this as a relationship....... (read in full...)
Do any of you have this fantasy? Have you acted on it? Was it fun, or do you deeply regret it?
Q. My wife and I have this recurring fantasy of me watching her get picked up by a guy at a bar or club and hooking up with him while I watch from across the room. The fantasy always stops short of sex, and never involves them leaving the bar, except ...
A. 28 March 2012: it's a hot fantasy... best advice... leave it as a hot fantasy...
... (read in full...)
Is it ok to flirt with someone so young whilst doing business? Or am I just jealous?
Q. I was on my partners computer tonight sending email for him on his instructions as he is away when a message came up saying Sally was wanting to talk. I clicked on link and I saw there were messages dating back a few weeks. I was surprised by what I ...
A. 28 March 2012: She is over 21 so her age has no bearing on it.
I'd be a bit concerned that he's being unprofessional with a business colleague. It's a good idea to not mix business with pleasure first of all. Secondly if he is engaged other than 'hi how are ... (read in full...)
Stared At by A School Employee... Need Advice!
Q. So there's guy at my school (he works at the school) and I'm a female student in high school. For some reason during lunch he stares at me. When he is outside supervising kids, he stares at me. Outside in the pick-up and bus areas he stares at me. ...
A. 28 March 2012: You must go to a trusted adult and TELL THEM about this man.... if your radar picks up something that makes you uncomfortable you have to learn to trust that...
Is there a counselor at school you can talk to about it?
... (read in full...)
I like to cook for him but he feels I'm being too motherly! Am I being too pushy?
Q. I like to eat healthy and my bf...not so much. usually he'll buy a huge package of what he thinks is the least-tasty/most healthy lettuce he can find, glares at it for 3 weeks until it liquifies. Meanwhile, when i visit, i make hearts with my eyes ...
A. 27 March 2012: Cook what he likes when you cook for him.
I love fruits and veggies. My fiancé thinks they are the devil’s spawn. He likes meat and potatoes… He likes pasta… I have learned to cook what he likes and make a side salad for myself… I don’t co... (read in full...)
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