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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He was supposed to be back over a week ago and I still havent heard from him! What should I do?
Q. I have been friend with this man via dating online for over a year. We’ve met at last and like each other a lot. We grew closer and closer day by day. We text each other daily even though only 2 or 3 words – just to say hi and sometimes more ...
A. 10 April 2012: glad to hear I was wrong!... (read in full...)
Minty tingles while giving head?
Q. dear cupid, soo, i've heard that if you chew gum while giving head or suck on a breath mint or something like that right before you do it, the mintiness will cause a kind of tingling sensation for the guy. what i want to know is, does it actually...
A. 7 April 2012: The OP said: "i've heard that if you chew gum while giving head"
dear male anon... can I practice with you?... (read in full...)
Should I just have a one night stand?
Q. I'm a female in my mid twenties and haven't had sex in over eight months. I am constantly horny and masturbate almost everyday. I have never had a one night stand with a guy because I always feared stds and what not as well as my reputation because ...
A. 5 April 2012: you wait.
random drunk guy sex will NOT be satisfying emotionally and that's what you are missing... truth is i just read that less than 20% of women will have orgasms during random hook up sex... they need that emotionally connection.
fwiw ... (read in full...)
Should I set a proposal timeline? Or just wait and see what happens?
Q. I have posted to this forum a few times before and here I am again. I am back with my boyfriend and we are in couples therapy together (his idea ) to work on our communication issues and work towards our common goal of marriage ( he tells me that ...
A. 5 April 2012: Confused Chick, thank you so very much for the follow up…. I appreciate it when folks can see that my questions are designed to help them help me help them…. I GET totally what you are saying… and I happen to agree with you that Marriage comes ... (read in full...)
I let my b/f watch porn during oral sex. Is that a bad thing to do?
Q. Okay so, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I let him watch porn while I give him oral sex. It's never when we have sex, but my question is I feel like he's being turned on by the girls on the internet, is this okay or am I putting my ...
A. 5 April 2012: We do it sometimes...
works for us...
we do it without porn too...
works for us but better for me....... (read in full...)
Sacrifices to move in with girlfriend - am I being petty?
Q. My girlfriend is a few years older than myself and has a 5 year old daughter. We've been dating for about a year and a half and have been increasingly talking about moving in together. What I want to know is "does it sound like our relationship has ...
A. 5 April 2012: Totally justified in your thinking she's out of line.
Joining two homes is just that a joining of two homes.
I think the best way to explain it is to tell you how we just recently did this.
Thankfully we have no minor children to be con... (read in full...)
My crush has gotten another girl pregnant. I'm devastated!
Q. Feeling absolutly devasted and dont know what to do. A guy ive liked for a long time has gotten another girl pregnant. He says he likes me and hasd done all alone, that if he'd known how i felt he would have been with me. I just feel too upset to...
A. 4 April 2012: He's a crush... not a boyfriend...
you see him through crush eyes which are rose colored at the worst... he's not everything you think he is... trust me on this one
as for being a father.. if after I divorced my first husband men thought ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has way too many pics of his ex and its making me really insecure
Q. I have been with my bf for 2 years and he is lovely, always complimenting me, tells me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I love him with all my heart and want to be with him always. My stupid insecurities are starting to ...
A. 4 April 2012: Does he actually LOOK at them on a regular basis or are they on the drive as storage?... (read in full...)
Should I set a proposal timeline? Or just wait and see what happens?
Q. I have posted to this forum a few times before and here I am again. I am back with my boyfriend and we are in couples therapy together (his idea ) to work on our communication issues and work towards our common goal of marriage ( he tells me that ...
A. 4 April 2012: FA,
I am not one to diss marriage... and I totally believe in it but to be honest I'm heading towards my FOURTH marriage...so I'm not sure a piece of paper really makes that much difference if the people are totally committed in the first place.
... (read in full...)
My mum has put doubts into my mind about my boyfriend, how do I know for sure this relationship is right for me?
Q. Hi everyone, I was totally head over heels with my boyfriend, who is an art technician, until I started having stupid doubts yesterday, when my mum tells me everyone finds him boring and stupid, now I'm trying to kind of analyse him, and I know ...
A. 4 April 2012: everyone I know finds my fiance to be arrogant and rude...
and yes he can be but i don't find that.
don't date folks based on what others think
you aren't married.... it's a relationship
if you like him and enjoy your time together the... (read in full...)
Finding 'the One'.....
Q. How can i find the 'right one'? Every time i speak to a guy, we meet up and text and speak over the phone and facebook, and then they just stop talking to me? this has happened a few times now and i'm tired of getting hurt. I just want to settle ...
A. 4 April 2012: stop looking for him.... seriously.
go on with life...
settle right now for "mr you will do for now" and make friends with him...
not saying to not be open to new folks but to stop TRYING to find THE ONE.... usually that's when they fal... (read in full...)
He was supposed to be back over a week ago and I still havent heard from him! What should I do?
Q. I have been friend with this man via dating online for over a year. We’ve met at last and like each other a lot. We grew closer and closer day by day. We text each other daily even though only 2 or 3 words – just to say hi and sometimes more ...
A. 4 April 2012: if he was supposed to be back a week ago a text to ask 'how was your trip" (depending on what expedience with the forces means) would not be clingy or needy.
the issue is... if he is back a week and did not contact you, they he's just not that... (read in full...)
He was supposed to be back over a week ago and I still havent heard from him! What should I do?
Q. I have been friend with this man via dating online for over a year. We’ve met at last and like each other a lot. We grew closer and closer day by day. We text each other daily even though only 2 or 3 words – just to say hi and sometimes more ...
A. 4 April 2012: if he was supposed to be back a week ago a text to ask 'how was your trip" (depending on what expedience with the forces means) would not be clingy or needy.
the issue is... if he is back a week and did not contact you, they he's just not that... (read in full...)
Is it really cheating if you really love the guy even though he has a girlfriend?
Q. so i have a bit of a stupid question, if a man or woman are married and one of them sleeps with someone else over and over its an affair. but if its just a guy and girl dating, is it still called an affair? and is it really wrong to flirt and sleep ...
A. 4 April 2012:
Just because YOU THINK you love him more than his GF does not make it right.
DO you think if he leaves her for you he won’t cheat on you????
While I personally find the married/taken/attached partner who cheats more wrong than the singl... (read in full...)
How do I return to normal? The guy I'm seeing doesn't know what he wants from this relationship and I cant stop thinking about him!
Q. I've been seeing this man for 2 months. He still isn't sure about what he wants from this 'relationship' and this is making me neurotic. I can't stop thinking about him all the time- It's affecting my life. I want to return to normal- before him. ...
A. 4 April 2012: two months is NOT a long time to be dating....
why are you in such a rush to make this a long term serious relationship?
is it because you are already sexual with him?
are you in love with him
what is it about this man that makes you need... (read in full...)
Minty tingles while giving head?
Q. dear cupid, soo, i've heard that if you chew gum while giving head or suck on a breath mint or something like that right before you do it, the mintiness will cause a kind of tingling sensation for the guy. what i want to know is, does it actually...
A. 4 April 2012: I've heard of using Altoids
and Ice cubes (not together although that would be interesting)
I would not want a mint or gum or an ice cube in my mouth while actually giving head....
as for if it's pleasant.... well that would be up to the ... (read in full...)
We are dating yet he tells people it was just a dare!
Q. So my perfectly awesome boyfriend and I are dating sort of secretly because my dad doesn't allow me to date. I told my friend and school, and she told his ex-girlfriend to back off because he's dating someone... me. she guessed it, but he said it ...
A. 4 April 2012: He’s perfectly awesome… but you are a secret and he is only dating you “on a dare”
Honey this is NOT an awesome boyfriend….
Are you 13/14 or 14/15 because I would not allow my daughter to actually DATE at 13….
... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a flirty young teen? She came on to me. I stopped tutoring her. But she thinks I like her. I've said no. She's not listening.
Q. I’m having trouble with this kid. It all started when I was looking for a part time job. I’m a college student and I’m living in an apartment with my room-mates. As I was good in maths I decided to teach maths at high school to the ninth grader...
A. 4 April 2012: 1. NEVER be alone with this kid. Always have an ADULT witness
2. Tell her that you will have to go to her parents or school officials with her inappropriate behavior if she does not stop.
she is way out of line
always always always ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend think it 'works' to wink at me during oral sex?
Q. I have a quick question. What does it mean when your boyfriend gives you eye contact and winks at you when he is giving you oral sex?.He winks at me other times as well, but it surprised me when he did that during oral sex....
A. 4 April 2012: ask him.. he probably thinks it turns you on
I always thought watching my guy while giving him head made him hot... current partner finds it distracting... now I don't watch him... or I try not to as I love to watch him...... (read in full...)
I'm worried if this will work. What are the downsides to the fact that I am about the same age as my partner's son?
Q. I'm dating a man who is 21 years older than me. I am 28, and he is 49. He has a son who is 26 ( he'll be 27 in December ). Does anyone think it's bad that he is dating me, when i am just a bit older than his son?. He doesn't see his son, as he got ...
A. 4 April 2012: If you are happy and he's happy then don't worry about it.
I am 52 and my fiance is only 38
my oldest son will be 28 this year...
we actually socialize a lot with my younger son (25) and his 22 yr old girlfriend...
age is often just a... (read in full...)
How do I stop my stupid crush on a much older marrried man?
Q. I have a huge crush on a much older married man. How do i stop feeling so stupid? I am 21 he is 45-50. Not sure. I have known this man for 6 months now, i see him a few times a week at work. He flirts with me all the time, compliments me, jokes al...
A. 4 April 2012: He's married... so all he is for you is flirting fodder...
some folks taken or single are big natural flirts... I'm one... but one of the things i do is make it clear that i am in love with my partner and the implications are that flirting... (read in full...)
Is there a name for my weird fetish?
Q. Hi When I am in bed at night, instead of masturbating over my crush and thinking about sex with her, I do something a little different. I imagine the two of us together in my bed and holding/hugging each other, but kind of really tightly, like...
A. 4 April 2012: Sounds unfetish like to me... more like you love her and want to be close to her...
... (read in full...)
What is a reasonable frequency for spouse to go out drinking with friends?
Q. We r married with 3 kids. My wife has recently taken to going out with different groups of girls a lot - what I would consider to be too much. They always go to bars. She always comes home at 1 am or later drunk. I most ofen provide the babysitting ...
A. 4 April 2012: I go out with the girls at least once every two weeks...
I also plan two girls only weekends (or long weekends) a year.
I once did a ten day road trip with my bff.... left a hubby and older child at home... called nightly... had a blast woul... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my girlfriend?
Q. I am leaving to the Marines soon, is it wise to break up with my girlfriend? We been dating for a year and I just want to make the best move for the both of us since I don't know what the future may hold in the service....
A. 4 April 2012: Talk to her… tell her what you asked here… that you are leaving for the Marines and you don’t know how long you will be gone or what will happen. You are both young and it’s hard to do an LDR when you can’t see each other…
Ask her what she wan... (read in full...)
What kinds of hugs mean attraction?
Q. Hello. I have a 10-year-old son, and he thinks that as soon as a girl his age hugs him, it automatically means she's attracted to him. However, my wife and I are trying to explain the different types of hugging, as sometimes, he calls any woman ...
A. 4 April 2012: when I hug friends I only hug with shoulders and upper body, my hips, belly, etc are kept at a slight distance.. a HUG that presses pelvis to pelvis is more than friends... ... (read in full...)
How likely is it to get pregnant if you use condoms correctly?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we've both been wanting to have sex for awhile now but I am deathly afraid of getting preagnant and yes, we have condoms but I'm scared they'll fail and I can't get birth control because we have ...
A. 4 April 2012: If they don't break and are put on early and used properly they are pretty effective.
Caveat: I got pregnant when a condom broke and they DO break now and again....
... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to carry a knife?
Q. Hi, I have a short, but somewhat odd question: is it normal for guys to carry knives? A guy that I'm thinking about dating carries one and I don't understand why. I tried to ask him but my friend was there and she just said: "why wouldn't he carry a ...
A. 4 April 2012: Many of the men I know carry a knife… but it’s not a switchblade.. more like a swiss army knife or something a bit more upscale from that. It’s in his pocket… my son carried one in college… not allowed in high schools around here… it’s more for ... (read in full...)
She has started wearing revealing clothing when she goes out without me, am I being controlling by asking her not to do this?
Q. Women, is it OK for your man to try to control what you wear? My wife sometimes wears very revealing clothing when we go out. I like it. I can see people stare. i dont mind that so much because in those instances she is clearly taken. Late...
A. 4 April 2012: Tennisstar88 said cleavage and foot...
oy is TOE cleavage allowed? I personally think toe cleavage is sexy.... if a guy had a foot fetish would his wife/gf not be allowed to wear shoes with toe cleavage???
... (read in full...)
On the verge of buying a house with a miserly man who only tolerates my children
Q. Scared. My second marriage begun disasterously my second Husband refused to bond with my children lied cheated and left me when I lost my job with his baby and my two other children to fend for ourselves financially and otherwise. My Son who is 9 ...
A. 4 April 2012: HUGS to you dear OP... it's very very scary to do what you did and HE knows this and will prey on that fear...
be strong.... ... (read in full...)
My wife got in touch with her first sex partner and sent him a pic of her's in a bikini
Q. My wife and I have been together for 6 years, married for 4 years. My wife has been with between 60 and 70 men between the age of 18 and 30. She had one 3 year relationship during that time. About 90% of her past sexual experiences were just ...
A. 4 April 2012: I wasn't sure how I wanted to respond till I read the replies which I don't always do.... but I think that the best one is that
YOUR WIFE NEEDS CONSTANT POSITIVE ATTENTION and for some reason she felt it lacking in the marriage so she went loo... (read in full...)
She has destroyed my life with her sexual past that I never knew about.. Just to marry her!!
Q. Ive been married 13 years, have 2 children. my wife has been very good to me all 13 years. but never thought in a 1,000,000 years this would happen to me.. I feel like my marriage was nothing but a fairytale. So this is what...
A. 4 April 2012: Question:
had she been with 5 white guys would that have been ok?
Second Question:
has she told you that she had done this before you married her and had two beautiful children and over a decade of a great marriage would you have marr... (read in full...)
Should I set a proposal timeline? Or just wait and see what happens?
Q. I have posted to this forum a few times before and here I am again. I am back with my boyfriend and we are in couples therapy together (his idea ) to work on our communication issues and work towards our common goal of marriage ( he tells me that ...
A. 4 April 2012: How long do you wait OP? YOU wait as long as you can…. As long as you want to.
How about if you both sell your places and buy a new place together?
My father and his long term girlfriend own a home together.. live as husband and wife... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't respect girlfriends wishes
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years. We've had alot of ups and downs. Here recently I told him I wanted to try to connect better on an emotional level rather than physical. (no sex). He still tries to get me to give in, but ...
A. 4 April 2012: So if all you do is have sex and do nothing else then you are a FWB…. Is that what you are saying?
I was LDR with my man for a year... in the beginning, yeah we stayed in and had sex all the time... but we also went out to dinner and after a ... (read in full...)
She has started wearing revealing clothing when she goes out without me, am I being controlling by asking her not to do this?
Q. Women, is it OK for your man to try to control what you wear? My wife sometimes wears very revealing clothing when we go out. I like it. I can see people stare. i dont mind that so much because in those instances she is clearly taken. Late...
A. 3 April 2012: OP I was reading your reply while talking to my fiancé. I asked him if he felt that men have less respect for HIM if I dress sexy (the way he likes me… short skirts, high heels and cleavage).. and he smirked and said “NO” and added “tell the man ... (read in full...)
Women: What are the real secrets to winning and keeping your hearts?
Q. This is a question for all of you women who are, or who have been, married or in a long term relationship. What are the things a man can or should do to keep his wife happy and fully committed to him? What would be yourbest advice as to what a ...
A. 3 April 2012: Clean up after yourself
Take me out to dinner at least twice a month
Take me out to breakfast at least once a month
Bring me flowers at least 4 times a year for no reason at all
AT least OFFER to help with running the home (indoor and outd... (read in full...)
Are we technically friends with benefits?
Q. We have had the exclusive talk, but I'm not sure if we are having a FWB relationship or if we are just both really busy and don't have much time to hang out before nighttime. Should I be worried? THanks for any input....
A. 3 April 2012: You gotta ask HIM dear. WE have no clue what he thinks or wants.
When you say “we don’t’ have much time to hang out before nighttime” do you see him often? Is it just sex?
Do you guys go out on weekends?
Do you have dinner together?
... (read in full...)
I haven't heard from him and I'm sleepless in San Francisco
Q. A little help please :) I'm in love with the man I'm "dating" We were friends first for a while and started things up romantically a few weeks ago. Then I slept with him last week bi thought timing was ok because of how long ive known him The n...
A. 3 April 2012: Doesn't sound good to me.... I'm sorry to say...
you need to figure out with him what he's saying with his "come closer... no go away" actions...
he sounds conflicted... he may like you but not LIKE you... if you know what i mean...
y... (read in full...)
He's 21 years older than me, I'm 7 years older than his son. Can it work?
Q. Im straight out of college and 22. I have started working a law firm as a secretary, there are two partners. I am a secretary for only one. A few months ago a partner asked me to dinner I turned him down and he asked a few more times but I kept ...
A. 3 April 2012: I am a HUGE supporter of age gap relationships… but ONLY where both parties are on the same page.
You are 22. He is 43. It’s a big gap and at 43 and 64 it’s easier to imagine as you would have had a lot more life experience to call on then…... (read in full...)
Do you think mental illness is genetic and skip generations?
Q. Is it possible to inherit bi polar from a distant family member like a grandmother, or uncle? I think my life is ruined by undiagnosed mental illness of my husband and our two sons.I was just wondering if you think mental illness is genetic and ...
A. 3 April 2012: yep it's genetic... and sure it can skip a generation
to get a diagnosis of your spouse or kids it's easy... start with the primary care physician and ask for a referral for a psych eval.
... (read in full...)
How can I get my family to let me go out with friends?
Q. So my question is I'm 18. Been 18 since last year, will be 19 this year and I'm still living at home and have yet to go out. My parents freak out when I go out later than 11:30 and my mother has the tendency to call me "names" when I stay out that ...
A. 3 April 2012: have you asked your folks why the early curfew? perhaps they have their reasons... like they will stay up till you get home worried about you and they like to go to sleep early...
sadly if you live in their home (and esp. if you are there re... (read in full...)
Is it possible to love someone you have never seen?
Q. Hi every one, i want to really ask how possible it is to love a person you have not seen... I recently met this girl online and i have fallen deeply in love with her though i have not seen personaly, we are thousands of miles apart, i have tried ...
A. 3 April 2012: I'm sorry... I respectfully disagree with Foot-in-my-mouth
I think you can love things about this person
I think you can THINK you love this person.
I DO NOT think you can actually love the person...
what happens when you meet... and fin... (read in full...)
Should I set a proposal timeline? Or just wait and see what happens?
Q. I have posted to this forum a few times before and here I am again. I am back with my boyfriend and we are in couples therapy together (his idea ) to work on our communication issues and work towards our common goal of marriage ( he tells me that ...
A. 3 April 2012: If you need more after 3 years and he’s trying you have to figure out how long you are willing to wait.
Do you need the MARRIAGE or do you just need/want to be with him full time? I get the whole missing your man when you are not together... (read in full...)
Do men like when their girlfriend calls and texts them first?
Q. My questions is, do men like when their girlfriend calls and texts frequently? I usually wait for my boyfriend to send me the first text of the day, and I usually don't call- I let him call me because I don't want to seem overly clingy or like I'm ...
A. 3 April 2012: when my fiance and I lived apart (an LDR) I needed way more contact than he did (at least at first) and I felt rather insecure...
eventually we talked about the fact that I needed more contact from him... and we set up the plan:
I calle... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't respect girlfriends wishes
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years. We've had alot of ups and downs. Here recently I told him I wanted to try to connect better on an emotional level rather than physical. (no sex). He still tries to get me to give in, but ...
A. 3 April 2012: Well if you could explain to me why an adult single woman in a relationship thinks that withholding sex from her partner is a good idea, I could help you explain it to him.
MEN need sex to connect emotionally to women. Women need emotions to conn... (read in full...)
She has started wearing revealing clothing when she goes out without me, am I being controlling by asking her not to do this?
Q. Women, is it OK for your man to try to control what you wear? My wife sometimes wears very revealing clothing when we go out. I like it. I can see people stare. i dont mind that so much because in those instances she is clearly taken. Late...
A. 2 April 2012: It is NOT ok for my man to control how I dress EXCEPT for DATE night in our home. If you like how she dresses revealing when she is with you then you can’t expect her to dress differently when she goes out on her own especially if she dresses that ... (read in full...)
On the verge of buying a house with a miserly man who only tolerates my children
Q. Scared. My second marriage begun disasterously my second Husband refused to bond with my children lied cheated and left me when I lost my job with his baby and my two other children to fend for ourselves financially and otherwise. My Son who is 9 ...
A. 7 March 2012: Relationships should be uplifting and restorative. they should not be this hard or this contrived nor should they exhaust you.
scary as it is I think leaving might be in the best interest of you and your children.... (read in full...)
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