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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Do I tell the guy I'm dating that I did a background check on him?
Q. So, I have been seeing this guy (43 years old) for 2 weeks now, and decided that things have been getting more serious and I should do a background check on him. I do that to anyone I start dating because I have children I need to think about. Don't ...
A. 7 April 2012: OP, relax. You are their normalcy...
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend said even though marrying and having children with me would muddy his bloodline, he would overlook it!
Q. Im a 26 year old british asian female, my 31 year old bf is a white american male. We have been together for a few months and recently he expressed a desire to have kids one day in the future. Of course this is great! I would love children with ...
A. 7 April 2012: I understand why you are staying OP but I am glad that you see this is a self-limmiting relationship....
when you are ready you will move on to a man that actually deserves you.
... (read in full...)
Do I tell the guy I'm dating that I did a background check on him?
Q. So, I have been seeing this guy (43 years old) for 2 weeks now, and decided that things have been getting more serious and I should do a background check on him. I do that to anyone I start dating because I have children I need to think about. Don't ...
A. 7 April 2012: at two weeks out meeting a man you met on the internet you should still be meeting him ONLY in public places and he is at least 6 months away from being anywhere NEAR your children.
I could see doing the check at say TWO MONTHS but not two week... (read in full...)
We haven't had sex in 2 years. My chubby wife says it hurts!
Q. Hi, My wife is very overweight and I love her very much. We have not had sex with penetration in almost 2 years. She keeps telling me to be patient but I don't know how much longer I can take it. She says it hurts her as she puts it when I'm bou...
A. 7 April 2012: stop bouncing on her belly
try some of these suggestions
http://www.futurescopes.com/love-and-sex/750/sex-positions-fat-people-making-love-when-youre-obese... (read in full...)
Ladies: shaved or natural 'downstairs' on a guy?
Q. Ladies thoughts opinions needed: When you are about to have sex/or oral with a guy for the first time and see his thing, is hair down there a turn off? is shaved more a turn on? or trimmed? also what about hairy thighs? shaved? leave alone? I am...
A. 7 April 2012: honey it doesn't look bigger... it looks less mature...
like a 12 yr old boy before puberty...
naked penis = a good laugh...
and btw don't shave your legs or your belly... yuck...
except for backs that should be waxed MEN... (read in full...)
Minty tingles while giving head?
Q. dear cupid, soo, i've heard that if you chew gum while giving head or suck on a breath mint or something like that right before you do it, the mintiness will cause a kind of tingling sensation for the guy. what i want to know is, does it actually...
A. 7 April 2012: The OP said: "i've heard that if you chew gum while giving head"
dear male anon... can I practice with you?... (read in full...)
Boyfriend said even though marrying and having children with me would muddy his bloodline, he would overlook it!
Q. Im a 26 year old british asian female, my 31 year old bf is a white american male. We have been together for a few months and recently he expressed a desire to have kids one day in the future. Of course this is great! I would love children with ...
A. 7 April 2012: it means you would have children with a man who would raise then to hate their grandparents...
he's a racist and a bigot... and that is what he will teach his kids...... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity this way?
Q. I went out with this guy 3 years ago, the relationship ended pretty badly, but we perservered and stayed friends over the years, despite him going out with my best friend and the rest of my friends pretty much hating him. I'm don't have any real fee...
A. 6 April 2012: NO do not do it.
Please don't do it.
pretty please?
I have no problems with older teens having sex but I want them to do it in the confines of a loving relationship...
not to lose their virginity because they see it as an albatross ... (read in full...)
Never physically attracted to my husband ... don't want sex!
Q. I've been married for a little over 6 months, dated my husband for about a year and half. We lived together for a year before marrying. We married during a serious family crisis (one of my parents became sick and died). Up until the crisis, I had ...
A. 6 April 2012: Poor man. Divorce him. It's not fair to either of you to stay married.
You say you are good looking and he is not... I do not think you really love him either... don't stay in a loveless marriage... it's not fair for him either. EVERYONE... (read in full...)
In a long term marriage or relationship? Then could you please define love for me? Thanks.
Q. I Don't know if you would define this question as important but it keeps pulling at my mind. I looked up how do you define "LOVE" and most articles I read said things such as "Every time you see that person you get butterflies or goosebum...
A. 6 April 2012: Of course it’s important. ALL questions are important…
Butterflies and goosebumps are lust.
Love is warm and cosy and just feels right.
I was 14 years old when I spent the summer with my grandparents.. they were married over 40 years at the... (read in full...)
Friends with benefits, what do you think?
Q. Me and a friend of mine have been speaking for a little while and we got onto the question of how fun it would be to have a friends with benefits and before we knew it we were discussing actually going through with it, but i have never done ...
A. 6 April 2012: What do you think I should do I need some fun in my life…
Dancing
Movies
Picnics
Concerts
Sleeping with guys just to have fun is a lousy reason to do so at your age.
It will ruin the friendship and you will end up feeling lousy.
... (read in full...)
Do beautiful women sometimes go out with unattractive guys just because they like the attention?
Q. Hi All, I have a cousin who for a few months hooked up with this gorgeous chick. She was a 26 year old model, and he was a 40 year old government worker. He was head over heels for her, and spent money on her, took her places, etc. We in the fam ...
A. 6 April 2012: maybe she really liked him?... (read in full...)
Was planning to move to be with my LDR, then found him on a dating site?!
Q. Help !!!! in a serious long distance relationship, we communicate daily,have plans of moving together, with me making the relocation,and found that my man is on a site, lied abt his age and seeking younger women..he last logged in today...in our ...
A. 6 April 2012: I would dump him and move on… hard to deal with it but he’s lying and cheating…. Even if he’s not actually physically meeting these women he’s emotionally cheating…... (read in full...)
Ladies: shaved or natural 'downstairs' on a guy?
Q. Ladies thoughts opinions needed: When you are about to have sex/or oral with a guy for the first time and see his thing, is hair down there a turn off? is shaved more a turn on? or trimmed? also what about hairy thighs? shaved? leave alone? I am...
A. 6 April 2012: Don't worry OP it will grow back!
... (read in full...)
Why the abrupt change in feelings?
Q. Hi, so i have been seeing a guy for 2 months, everything had been going great! Last week we went out for dinner and he says out the blue " my head is all over the place, let me go to holland and have a long hard think, and when I return i'll see ...
A. 6 April 2012: YOU didn't do ANYTHING
and kudos to him for trying to figure it out...
give him space and time.... let him move.... that's a huge mess to deal with...
... (read in full...)
Sex is still painful
Q. I lost my virginity three years ago to my ex boyfriend, since then I have only slept with him and my current boyfriend. The first few times I had sex it was painful but I thought that was because I was new to it and that it would get better. B...
A. 6 April 2012: if you are using enough lube (and I mean ENOUGH)
and it's water based then by all means go to the doctor
have you tried OTHER lubes? could you be allergic to the lube?
some feel better than others....
but yeah talk to the doctor or nu... (read in full...)
I'm not nervous about not fitting
Q. Hello! I've just started a new relationship with a guy, and we've been together about 2 months. However, I've been friends with him for over 2 years, and we've liked each other before about a year ago but it never worked out. I've known his fr...
A. 6 April 2012: Truth is just be yourself... some people are quieter than others...
has your BF said that he thinks you are too quiet?... (read in full...)
I haven't done this before, what is it you do?
Q. Hey everyone. Quick question, please do not judge me. A week ago I hooked up with a guy at a party.I am currently single and going through a dry phase so it was really cool. He also said afterwards he wants to go for drinks with me some time. Now I ...
A. 6 April 2012: if all you want is sex by all means contact him first...... (read in full...)
What can I do about this?
Q. not so much of a relationship question, but I get pain 1-2 days after I have sex with my bf. It's hard work because it means I am often bent over double crying and my bf feels awful. It happens quite often and I have had a normal smear test result. ...
A. 6 April 2012: have you discussed this pain with your doctor?
... (read in full...)
He's 29 and has NEVER had a girlfriend.. Red Flag??
Q. I'm really unsure about this guy i'm dating. We've been talking for 1 month, only met once (he isn't local to me) but he seems good for me - personality wise and there's an attraction there. The attraction isn't fireworks in my tummy attraction ...
A. 6 April 2012: I would meet him again and see how it goes... remember that fireworks crash and burn but long slow fires with embers that look cold often burn the hottest...
as for the never having a relationship, give him a chance...
my fiance is 38 and... (read in full...)
Should I trust her? Should I let them hang out?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. We've had our ups and downs but I would consider it to be a great relationship. We spend most of our time together, we still do cutesy things, and we rarely argue about things. H...
A. 6 April 2012: well we've been known to have lunch during the work day...
or if working on my website we might be together without partners...
but just to hang out and do nothing... we would not be partner free....... (read in full...)
He sleeps, goes out with his friends, basically ignores me, is his attraction to me gone?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. He works nights so he sleeps most of the day. I understand him being tired all of the time. Lately, he has been getting up for an hour then goes back to bed and sleeps until he goes to work. This has ...
A. 5 April 2012: could he be depressed?
has he had a medical work up?
have you TOLD HIM you would like SOME time with him?... (read in full...)
This man is physically and verbally abusive, what should I do, I have nowhere to go?
Q. I've been with my fiance for five years. We have a amazing three and half year old. We have a nice home, a dog a cat and three kittens. Things were good up until a year ago when he started drinking again after three years of sobriety. We had our ...
A. 5 April 2012: call the cops the next time he is abusive.
he gets arrested and you get help from your state to get out....
you put your child in danger with a man like this.... does not matter if he is the father or not.
the man is using alcohol as a drug an... (read in full...)
How do I change the way I feel about the fact that my girlfriend has had previous sexual partners?
Q. I have a girlfriend with a great personality and character- I find her very attractive and I can see something long term with her and I know she feels the same way. I am 26, and a virgin (not from a lack of oppertunity, but because I am hesistent to ...
A. 5 April 2012: As a woman who has had MANY sexual partners both men I cared deeply about and random fun swinger type hookups I can PROMISE you that at least for me
MAKING LOVE WITH A MAN I CARE DEEPLY ABOUT is as special as it gets and I don't EVER think ab... (read in full...)
Ex and I are still friends but I felt betrayed when he showed me a photo of a girl sleeping on his lap
Q. K and I dated for two years, but now we are just good friends. We text one another occasionally and have dinner occasionally. Although we both still like one another, we know we're not suitable for one another so we've decided to be friends. Neither ...
A. 5 April 2012: if you feel jealous about this you are lying to yourself about how you feel about this friend of yours...... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my fiance just because I'm too stupid to control my actions
Q. I need help dealing with my own insecurities. I love my fiance with all my heart and I cannot wait to be married to her, but there are days, a lot of days, where I feel like I lose her. Its those stupid things I do, or those ignorant things I say. ...
A. 5 April 2012: yesterday I told my fiance over the phone that i hated leaving him when he was sleeping... he was so cute..
and he asked why and i said "you're mouth is shut" (because he can TALK)... I did not mean it in a mean way... and he took it that way... (read in full...)
I don't know if I am straight, gay or bisexual!
Q. I am a 15 year old girl but I'm not sure on my sexuality. I usually get more aroused when I think about lesbians kissing but I feel more attracted to boys. When I masturbate I often do orgasm a lot quick when I'm watching or thinking about girl on ...
A. 5 April 2012: sound normal to me...
I am bi.
I did not deal with it till I was much older like 30
stop trying to slot yourself as gay straight or bi...
you could be pansexual... so many options.
how about you just relax and go with the flow and what ... (read in full...)
Desperate for reassurance. Too emotional with him too fast.
Q. I need desperate help. My clingyness and neediness is overwhelming and ruining a potential relationship. I am 23 years old and have been seeing a man who is 32. We have been "talking" or "seeing eachother" for about a month now. Right off the ba...
A. 5 April 2012: why does a 32 year old man with a child have his phone cut off?
that to me is a HUGE issue.... HUGE.... what kind of a responsible person is he that he allowed his phone to be shut off without having another one?
as for the other issues... (read in full...)
Sometimes I get the impression he doesn't care about me!
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. Things are going well except that sometimes I get the impression he doesn't care about me. There have been a number of occasions where it would have been nice for him to either be more observant and ...
A. 5 April 2012: women are venters... they like to talk about their problems even if they can't fix them
MEN are fixers.. they don't want to hear the problem if they don't have a solution.
have you told him you want him to ask about it and even if he does ... (read in full...)
I get pain in my thighs and hips after sex!
Q. hi i get pain in thighs and hip after safe sex is it normal to have pain. how to eradicate this problems now a days make excuses to my girl friend to not have sex, she feels very bad , we use have this intercourse 2 times in a month, i try to make ...
A. 5 April 2012: is it muscle pain?
cause that's fixed by strengthening your muscles
have you tried different positions?... (read in full...)
Should I trust her? Should I let them hang out?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. We've had our ups and downs but I would consider it to be a great relationship. We spend most of our time together, we still do cutesy things, and we rarely argue about things. H...
A. 5 April 2012: I have several close work friends who are guys...
we talk about our partners...
and they are slotted as friends for me... but I've been known to hug them.... and talk about private things...
but I don't view them as anything but friends... (read in full...)
My friend loves me as only as a friend. But my feelings may run deeper eventually. Can I continue our friendship and not get hurt?
Q. I'm in love with a friend.. who views me as a friend. I know that my friend loves me a lot.. But its just a friend/family type of love on their end. How am I supposed to deal with that? I've thought about ending the friendship.. That would ...
A. 5 April 2012: Have you told your friend how you feel?
... (read in full...)
How can I prove I don't do this on purpose? Looking at others. What should I do?
Q. So me and my hubby have been together for a year and 6 months. Weve been having serious issues over a staring problem Ive picked up out of nowhere. I seem to train myself to look at people without actually looking at them and I dont even realiZE...
A. 5 April 2012: do you mean you are zoning out when it appears you are looking at someone?
is it him that you are doing this too
or are you doing it and he thinks you are looking at other men...
... (read in full...)
My mom still treats me like I'm a 5 year old!
Q. I'm not really sure what to do and I need some help. I have no real relationship with anybody in my family due to the fact that when I was 12, I was basically abandoned by them. Yes, I still live with them and and had basic necessities, but I was ...
A. 5 April 2012: find a couple of friends and rent a place.
her house
her rules...
I know that the economy is bad but I know lots of kids that band together to rent a place.... males and females as friends...
you will eventually have a relationship w... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's mum came home while we were having sex!
Q. Hey aunts and uncles! I have a quick question for the mums out there or anyone really that can help! Long story short me and my boyfriend were over heard having sex today in his house. We are both 21 so not kids! We didn't know she was hom...
A. 5 April 2012: My mother walked in on my at 16 having sex with my boyfriend.
she said "oh excuse me" and walked out and shut the door.
we never discussed it again... EVER.
she won't be disgusted or embarrassed if she's aware that her grown son is capable... (read in full...)
Do I tell the guy I'm dating that I did a background check on him?
Q. So, I have been seeing this guy (43 years old) for 2 weeks now, and decided that things have been getting more serious and I should do a background check on him. I do that to anyone I start dating because I have children I need to think about. Don't ...
A. 5 April 2012: Well what if you were friends with him and took it slowly and had NOT done a background check because you were doing it slowly
Meet online
Meet for coffee
He likes you asks you for a date
Meet him for dinner
He asks for another date
Spend ... (read in full...)
Is he lying to cover up his problems getting an erection?
Q. Help I've been with my boyfreind now a couple of months, so everything is fresh and new and we're getting to know things about each other.. Its all bliss apart from one thing... Sex! My boyfriend finds it hard to get and maintain an erection. He'...
A. 5 April 2012: Beta Blockers can affect erections. they are for heart and high blood pressure conditions...
MEN really think we judge them by their penis. and their ability to use IT during sex. no matter what we say to them they think if they can't stick IT... (read in full...)
Ladies: shaved or natural 'downstairs' on a guy?
Q. Ladies thoughts opinions needed: When you are about to have sex/or oral with a guy for the first time and see his thing, is hair down there a turn off? is shaved more a turn on? or trimmed? also what about hairy thighs? shaved? leave alone? I am...
A. 5 April 2012: Shaved on the shaft (those rouge hairs that grow are nasty and long sometimes) trimmed neatly for the rest
NOT shaved... ugh....
FWIW my partner was totally shaved when we started dating and I begged him to stop shaving... I even bought him ... (read in full...)
Do I tell the guy I'm dating that I did a background check on him?
Q. So, I have been seeing this guy (43 years old) for 2 weeks now, and decided that things have been getting more serious and I should do a background check on him. I do that to anyone I start dating because I have children I need to think about. Don't ...
A. 5 April 2012: The trembling is probably a side effect of the medications he takes. My son trembles from some of his meds.
I hear what you are saying… but again it was two weeks.. how many dates did you have with this man in two weeks… two maybe 3 would be... (read in full...)
I am healthy, but have erectile dysfunction, without a reason, what should I do?
Q. I'm a healthy guy in my late 40"s. But I have some pretty disturbing problem, and I don't know what to do.So I have erectile dysfunction, and I have no idea why. I had a very high sex drive, but now, I have no wish to have sex at all, and when I ...
A. 5 April 2012: I agree that more testing is in order.
A urologist is called for
you could have Low-T
you could benefit from Viagra or Cialis...
and note that there are many ways to make love to your wife without an erection... LEARN them.... (read in full...)
Do I tell the guy I'm dating that I did a background check on him?
Q. So, I have been seeing this guy (43 years old) for 2 weeks now, and decided that things have been getting more serious and I should do a background check on him. I do that to anyone I start dating because I have children I need to think about. Don't ...
A. 5 April 2012: Your new follow up says “if I find it going in a serious direction…” and yet you checked this guy out after just two weeks… do you check out new women friends too to protect your children?
IF you are willing to be friends with this man with psy... (read in full...)
Do I tell the guy I'm dating that I did a background check on him?
Q. So, I have been seeing this guy (43 years old) for 2 weeks now, and decided that things have been getting more serious and I should do a background check on him. I do that to anyone I start dating because I have children I need to think about. Don't ...
A. 5 April 2012: Trembling on the date and peeing a lot… sounds nervous to me…
As for the psych hospital.. I have my discharge papers somewhere… I just tell folks “I’m certified I have papers” . I did my time at least 3 times… depression hurts… out of cont... (read in full...)
I have red hair & very fair skin, I am always the subject of jokes, do people really find this unattractive??
Q. Okay so I am cursed (or blessed depending on how you look at it) with naturally red hair and super pale skin(even if I get sunburnt it just becomes even paler) and I was wondering if people actually find this to be such a bad thing. I have had to ...
A. 5 April 2012: I think it’s humor. My fiancé is very very fair although not a redhead on top (his beard grows in red howerver) but he’s so pale and so light sensitive that I tease him that he sparkles in the sunlight…
I was a bottle redhead for 20 years… I love... (read in full...)
Should I just have a one night stand?
Q. I'm a female in my mid twenties and haven't had sex in over eight months. I am constantly horny and masturbate almost everyday. I have never had a one night stand with a guy because I always feared stds and what not as well as my reputation because ...
A. 5 April 2012: you wait.
random drunk guy sex will NOT be satisfying emotionally and that's what you are missing... truth is i just read that less than 20% of women will have orgasms during random hook up sex... they need that emotionally connection.
fwiw ... (read in full...)
Minty tingles while giving head?
Q. dear cupid, soo, i've heard that if you chew gum while giving head or suck on a breath mint or something like that right before you do it, the mintiness will cause a kind of tingling sensation for the guy. what i want to know is, does it actually...
A. 4 April 2012: I've heard of using Altoids
and Ice cubes (not together although that would be interesting)
I would not want a mint or gum or an ice cube in my mouth while actually giving head....
as for if it's pleasant.... well that would be up to the ... (read in full...)
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